Episode 38 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless.

This is the show where all the questions have been asked

to 100 people before the show.

All our contestants have to do

is come up with the answers no-one else could think of.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Nathan. This is Tash.

We've been together five years and we're from Plymouth.

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm David. This is my brother Kevin and we're from Kent.

Couple number three.

Hi, my name's Nikki.

This is my colleague Ian and we're from Barnsley.

-And finally, couple number four.

-I'm Catherine.

This is Jane, and we're friends from Suffolk.

And these are today's contestants.

Well, thank you very much, all of you, for all of that.

I daresay we will find out more about you

throughout the show as it goes along,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

The owner of Britain's most interesting desk job... LAUGHTER

..it's my Pointless friend - it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody.

Good afternoon.

-Afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

-How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

We have two returning players from last time.

David and Kevin got knocked out in Round One,

so we'll hopefully see a bit more of them this time,

and on that final podium, Jane and Catherine, who played brilliantly.

We had a brilliant head-to-head as well. It was really nip and tuck.

It was terrific stuff and they were very unlucky to get knocked out.

They're going to be very tough to beat today, I suspect.

Round One - it's a rather nice round, I think, Round One.

-Oh, it's a nice round?

-Yeah, it's going to be...

There's some obvious answers

and there's some very good non-obvious answers.

Excellent. Thank you, Richard.

Now, Stan and Katy won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000.

There it is. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, now, just remember.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round will be

eliminated. No conferring till we get to the head-to-head.

Our first category today is...

James Bond.

Can you all decide in your pairs,

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many actors who have appeared in more than one

official Bond film as they could.

Actors who have appeared in more than one official Bond film. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for the name of any actor who is credited

in more than one Bond film,

all the way from Dr No through to Skyfall, please.

They have to be the official Bond films,

so the name of any actor, according to IMDB, in two or more Bond films.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Tash, welcome.

Now, what do you do down in Plymouth, Tash?

I work at the students' union at the university.

-So, how long have you been doing that?

-Just over a year.

And are you still at the university?

No, I graduated just over a year ago as well.

I see, but you've stayed on to run the students' union. Yes.

-A nice student body down in Plymouth?

-Yeah, really lovely.

-Like you could ever say anything other than yes to that.

-Exactly.

What are your interests outside of that?

I've got lots of different things.

Probably my favourite thing to talk about is that

I volunteer at the local zoo as well.

You see, that's good. What do you do there?

I work along with the animal teams, cleaning up the animals,

feeding them and playing with them.

Aw! Do you have a favourite animal?

-Erm...

-You could really upset some of the other animals, now.

It does change every week,

but at the moment, I've got to say the tapir,

cos they've just had a baby and it's really cute.

-Aw, they're like little pigs, aren't they, tapirs?

-Yes, pretty much.

-Yeah, the babies are stripy so they're cute.

-Aw...

Now, Tash, what are you going to go for?

Actors who have appeared in more than one official Bond film.

Nathan's probably going to kill me

but I think I'm going to have to say Pierce Brosnan.

OK. Right, OK, that's good.

Pierce Brosnan, says Tash. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Pierce Brosnan.

46. APPLAUSE

46,

and so far Nathan hasn't killed you as well,

-which is good.

-Excellent news.

Yeah, he appeared in four James Bond films as...

-James Bond.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now, Kevin, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us, what do you do, Kevin?

So, I tender security contracts

and yeah, and then when we have them,

-I manage them for about a month and move on to the next one.

-So you do.

And outside of security contracts... I mean, how, sorry, first,

how did you get into security contracts?

So, I did a bit of bodyguarding when I was a bit younger.

Then I had my little girl and I realised that

the dangerous side wasn't as good as it should be

and wasn't as, you know, I didn't get as much as I wanted to.

So, what's the most exciting bodyguarding job you did, Kevin?

I've done a few lower-class celebrities and a few music groups.

-I've got to be careful.

-He means TOWIE.

-He means TOWIE.

-No, I don't.

He means a sort of Ben Miller type. Some sort of low-class celeb.

-Mitchell and Webb, he'd probably do.

-Yeah, yeah.

Oh, but the glamour fell out of that for you?

Yeah, I mean, I preferred more the high-risk stuff,

if I'm honest with you, than celebrities.

The high-risk? So give me an example of a high-risk security job.

Well, situations where we're working with gangs and stuff,

and, like, with people investigating,

doing the documentaries with the gangs,

and then, yeah, so, that, really.

-Yeah, that is quite high-risk.

-Yeah, it was. Very interesting, though.

Pointless must be a doddle for you.

Obviously, Richard hasn't kicked off yet but...

LAUGHTER ..you never know.

Now, Kevin, what are you going to go for?

I want to try a risky one, but I'm not sure, and after the last...

Definitely try a risky one.

Yeah, after the last one. I'm going to try.

I'm going to go safe. Timothy Dalton.

Timothy Dalton, OK, so, sticking with Bond, OK.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Timothy Dalton.

Well, 46, it beats that,

so 29 for Timothy Dalton.

Not bad there, Kevin.

Not bad at all.

If you actually were James Bond,

-you'd be annoyed at only scoring 29...

-Yeah, that's true.

..in a question about appearing in more than one Bond film.

-He was only in two, though.

-He was in two but it's still more than one.

-It is more than one.

-And he was Bond.

-And he was Bond.

-For goodness' sake.

He was very good in his first Bond film.

-He's your favourite Bond, isn't he?

-I think he's the...

-He acted Bond the best.

-He acted Bond the best?

He acted Bond the best. Oh, in Living Daylights, oh, he's brilliant.

-We can't really talk about the other Bonds because...

-Let's not.

It would appear that those are the answers everyone's

-going to give during this round.

-LAUGHTER

-Yup, so, Nikki, welcome here from Barnsley.

-Thank you.

And what occupies you in Barnsley, Nikki?

I am a cover teacher in a secondary school.

OK, so, what, you're called in if someone's ill?

-Does that mean, is that like a supply...?

-I work there every day.

-Right. You're there.

-I'm in the same school all the time.

I'm covering teachers that are off or are on courses, etc.

-I see, so you've got to cover all bases.

-Yeah.

-You can...

So you might be in a chemistry lesson one minute and then history the next.

-Yeah, that's right.

-Does that mean you have

a little grounding in any of those disciplines

or do you just say, "Page 42, do the questions," and you just read a book?

No, it'd be nice if I could do that, but no, can't do that.

-No.

-Erm, drama's my main subject,

-but at the moment I'm teaching history and RE.

-Right.

Very good. Very good.

Do any people go from cover teaching into a specific lesson?

-Into a specific subject?

-Yeah, I'm doing that at the moment, actually,

-so the long-term plan is to be history and RE.

-So...

History, OK, very good.

Now, Nikki, what are you going to go for from our Bond actors?

Erm, so, I'm going to go with Dame Judi Dench.

Judi Dench says Nikki.

Judi Dench. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Judi Dench.

Well, 46 is our high score at this point.

Judi Dench takes you below 46

to 34.

Yes, she's been M in seven Bond films and beat Bond.

-Beat Bond.

-Didn't she beat Timothy Dalton?

-Yeah. Beat Bond.

Now, Jane.

Jane, welcome back. Remind us what you do, Jane.

I'm a parish clerk and I work part-time for a charity, as well.

-What's the charity you work for?

-The charity is called Home-Start.

It is Home-Start South Suffolk & District,

-so they're all over the country.

-Right you are.

-OK, what are your interests outside?

-I like walking.

-I like going to the theatre and I love reading.

-Good stuff.

OK, Jane, what are you going to go for?

Bond actors who have been in more than one Bond.

Well, I'm glad we're on podium four,

because a name came into my mind at the beginning,

and I couldn't get her surname, but I think I've got it right,

so I'm going to go for Lois Maxwell.

Lois Maxwell, says Jane.

Lois Maxwell. I'm pretty sure she didn't play Bond.

-Is that right?

-We'll find out.

-LAUGHTER

We'll find out. OK, Lois Maxwell.

Let's see if it's right and let's see how many people said Lois Maxwell.

That's a good answer, Jane. Look at that.

Down it goes. Down to 4. Very well done, indeed.

That's how you play Pointless.

Very well done, Jane. 4 for Lois Maxwell.

Well played, Jane. She was Miss Moneypenny, of course, in 14 films,

all the way from Dr No up to A View To A Kill.

Wow, good. Good. Good, OK, well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

4 for Jane and Catherine on the far podium,

there, then we travel up to 29, Kevin and David.

34, Nikki and Ian,

and 46, Tash and Nathan.

Now, Nathan,

what you have to do now is just scour your brain until you

can find the most obscure answer

and hope no-one nicks it before I get to you,

but best of luck. We need a low score from you.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Now, Catherine, remind us, what do you do?

I'm a PA to a company that manufactures thermal insulation

for the construction industry.

Very good. Now, in your spare time,

Catherine, what delights you?

I volunteer at a local hospice at the weekend,

which is quite rewarding but can be upsetting too.

Do you...? Are you a watcher of James Bond films?

I'm not a watcher of James Bond films

and I'm going to go for a Bond

but I'm not going to go for a Mr Bond,

-I'm going to go for a Ms Bond - Samantha Bond.

-Samantha Bond.

-Yeah.

-Very good indeed.

The high-scorers at this point are Nathan and Tash on 46.

Get below that, you're through to the next round.

How many people said Samantha Bond?

It's right.

Very well done.

CHEERING 7, well done.

Takes your total to 11.

Another Miss Moneypenny, of course, four times - Samantha Bond.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Ian, welcome.

Also from Barnsley. What you do, Ian?

I'm a cover teacher like Nikki, in the same school.

We've worked together for six years.

Excellent. So, if you're not covering,

does that mean you can sit that lesson out,

or do you have other tasks that you're given, other duties?

We do have other tasks, yeah.

It's lesson preparation or catching up with other admin work.

Very good. How big's the school?

-There are 800 pupils in the school at the moment.

-OK, that's a lot.

How many of those pupils do you reckon you know?

-On sight, would you know nearly all of them?

-Just about, yeah.

I would say the majority. I just have a problem with names, though.

Oh, same here. Yeah, of course,

-they don't all wear badges like we get everyone to do here.

-No.

What are your hobbies outside of that, Ian?

I play a lot of table tennis.

I've played it since I was 11 years old,

and I've won quite a few trophies at it,

-which I'm really pleased about.

-Very good. Still playing?

Yes, I am, yeah.

Now, Ian,

you want to be scoring 11 or less with your answer.

Have you got a good one?

Well, hopefully, but sadly, James Bond isn't in our curriculum.

I wish he was. The name that I'm going to give you is John Cleese.

John Cleese, says Ian.

Here's your red line.

Get below that with John Cleese

and you're definitely into the next round.

How many people said John Cleese?

It's right.

Not bad at all.

13, I think that'll do.

13 takes your total up to 47.

And he was Q in Die Another Day and R in The World Is Not Enough -

-just the two.

-There we are. Thank you.

OK, now,

-David, welcome back.

-How's it going?

-Remind us what you do, David.

I'm an accounts manager

for a medical devices company.

Very good, a medical devices company.

Yeah, so we provide blood equipment to the NHS

and my role is to basically support that

and make sure all their services stay up and running.

Very good. Very important too.

David, outside that, what, what keeps you happy?

I'm a musician so I play the violin and play the piano.

Do you play the violin...

are you in an orchestra at all or in a group

-or do you play solo?

-Not any more.

I used to play in an orchestra when I was younger

and also in a string quartet

but I've not done that probably since I was a teenager, actually.

OK, now, there you are, on 29.

The high-scorers are now Ian and Nikki on 47,

so 17 or less gets you through.

So, learning from the last lesson,

I'm just going to stay safe,

and we are going to go with...

Daniel Craig.

FAINT GIGGLING OK, staying "safe".

That's... There's safe

and there's Daniel Craig

and there is your red line.

If you get below that with Daniel Craig...

I'll be surprised.

We'll all... We'll all be thrilled. LAUGHTER

Let's see how far down the column you get with Daniel Craig.

57. That is a... APPLAUSE

That takes your total up to 86 -

a good deal less punishing than I thought it might be.

Kevin doing the kind of look that only a brother can do there,

-a good "head in the hands" look.

-Yeah.

All right, thank you, Richard. Now, Nathan.

I'd say that's made things a bit easier for you.

Previously, you were going to have to score a pointless answer to be

sure of your place in the next round.

Anyway, Nathan, tell us what you do.

So, I work in sales for a packaging company.

I'm a cardboard box salesman, essentially, yeah.

-That's fun, though, isn't it? Packaging?

-People need boxes.

Oh, everyone needs boxes.

-Everyone needs boxes.

-Exactly.

-Do you personalise them? Do you brand them for people?

-Yeah, we...

They try and get us as involved in the entire process as possible,

but I tend to do the most important bit, which is

drinking tea with the customer.

-Oh, that is important.

-Yeah.

And outside of boxes, what-what-what's-what's good?

I'm really into my football. I'm a big Spurs fan,

and I play for three teams, which drives Tash a bit mad, but...

-That's a big commitment, there.

-Yeah.

-All in the Plymouth region?

-Yeah, yeah.

OK, well, that's not too bad, at least.

-At least you're not travelling up to York.

-This is true.

Apart from York away, but...

Yeah, well, there we are. Now, there you are.

39 or less is what you need

to get through to the next round.

OK.

What are you going to go for?

I will go for...

-Roger Moore.

-LAUGHTER

OK, there's your red line.

You've got to go below that red line, Nathan,

otherwise we'll have to say goodbye to you,

but let's see. Roger Moore, how many people said it?

GROANING 62.

Nathan, I'm afraid there's your answer.

It takes your total up to 108.

Yeah, sorry, another, another James Bond, of course.

-You look a little bit like Harry Kane, Nathan.

-Thank you.

Just a little bit. You score as many as him as well.

Now, let's take you look at some of the pointless answers.

There are a few up there.

Charles Gray, who played Blofeld, played another part as well.

Clifton James. Colin Salmon was in three Bond films.

He was mooted to be the new Bond at one point as well.

David Hedison and Jeffrey Wright, they both played Felix Leiter

in different films, in more than one film.

Joe Don Baker has played a goodie and a baddie in Bond films.

You could have had Michael Kitchen.

Robbie Coltrane's been in a couple. Tsai Chin.

And for fans of recent Pointless history,

Burt Kwouk was also a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said that.

Let's take a look at the top three scorers.

And Connery, top of the Bonds...

Thanks very much, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round,

the pair who are heading home with their high score of 108,

I'm afraid it's Nathan and Tash. I'm sorry.

I mean, some people would call this a gift of a round,

but actually, when it comes down to it, that's quite hard, actually.

There aren't that many. I mean, you know, plenty of actors who

have been in lots, but they tend to be the bit parts, don't they?

Yeah, Desmond Llewelyn would have scored 7 points.

He'd be a good answer. Bernard Lee, 3 points.

-You know, the people we know from a few of them.

-Yeah.

Rory Kinnear would have scored 2 points -

would have been a great answer.

Very good. Well, these are all the answers.

-Might you have gone for any of those? Desmond Llewelyn...

-No.

No, OK, well, there we are. That's a relief, isn't it?

We'll see you next time, Nathan and Tash,

and I'm sure we'll see more of you.

but, meantime, thanks very much, Nathan and Tash.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And look at that. Suddenly we're down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we will have to say goodbye to another pair,

but David and Kevin, well done, nice to have you in Round Two.

Newcomers, Nikki and Ian, well done, well done being in Round Two,

and oldcomers, Jane and Catherine,

once again, our lowest individual and lowest joint scorers,

so very well done on the far podium over there.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Can you all decide in your pairs,

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going to go first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

UK Rail, Metro and Tramlink stations. Richard.

On each board, we're going to show you six pairs of stations -

either Rail, Metro or Tramlink stations.

You just need to tell us the UK town or city in which you'd find

those pairs of stations, please.

Six on the first pass, six on the second.

-12 in all to have a go at at home.

-Oh, this is nice.

-It is nice, actually.

-I love these rounds.

-Cos wherever you're from, there'll be something.

-Exactly.

A chance to travel round the country without leaving our chairs, eh? LAUGHTER

Very nice. We're looking for the council and cities in which you'd

find these pairs of stations, and here's our first board of six.

We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

There we are. Now, David, you are going to go first, you lucky thing.

-Yeah.

-Oh, isn't this fun?

-It's absolutely fun.

-Oh, it is absolutely fun.

I've got two on that board that I definitely know,

and I'll go with...

Oxford Circus-Notting Hill Gate. It's in London.

OK. So, London, says David.

I've heard of that. Let's see if it's right

and let's see how many of our 100 people said London.

Yup. Well, listen, that... APPLAUSE

90, David, is 10 better than 100,

so there we are,

on Notting Hill Gate-Oxford Circus.

That's right, London, yeah. The one thing you have to say about David,

-he's not afraid of a big score.

-No.

-Yeah, true.

Yeah, that is... That's very big.

Yes, both in London.

Lovely. Now, Nikki.

Nikki, what are you going to

go for on that board?

Erm, there's three I think I know,

but I'm going to go with Hillsborough-Meadowhall Interchange,

-and that is in Sheffield.

-Sheffield, says Nikki.

Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said Sheffield.

It's right. Well, you passed 90.

55 for Sheffield.

It's got a rail station, a tram stop,

-a bus station and a coach station, all in one place.

-Oh.

Meadowhall Interchange.

-Amazing.

-Very few bits of transport you couldn't get from there.

I imagine there's probably a bike rack

-somewhere there as well.

-There's a bike rack.

-You could probably land a helicopter if you so chose.

-A taxi rank...

-LAUGHTER

-A taxi rank, there will be there.

You could walk if you want to walk.

-You cannot get a boat from there.

-No.

People must arrive there and just think...

..as they look around the array?

It's like, mean, phew, they could do anything there.

-It's like a kid in a transport shop.

-Yeah.

You can't get a submarine from there, as I learned to my cost.

Unless it's an edible one.

-You can get one of those, certainly. You can get a sub.

-Yes, you could.

-GROANING AND LAUGHTER

-Yes, you could get that.

And some... There is a backpack...

A jetpack rental shop there as well, which is...

-LAUGHTER

-There is a jetpack rental shop, yeah.

Although they're running low, I am told,

because a lot of people don't return them.

Well, a lot of people don't return.

OK, now, Catherine.

-Alexander.

-Catherine, that board's all yours,

if you fancy talking us through all of those.

I think the second one down is Liverpool.

Something tells me the Titanic one should be Belfast,

because that's where it was built,

but I don't know if I'm brave enough to go for Belfast,

so I think I'll go Jesmond and Newcastle.

Jesmond-Monument Newcastle, says Catherine.

OK, well, let's see if it's right,

and let's see how many people said Newcastle.

It is right.

Well, you pass 90,

and you pass 55.

28, well done. CHEERING

As ever, that far podium

gets the low score there.

During the Second World War,

the Grey's Monument statue in Newcastle-upon-Tyne,

it got hit by lightning and its head fell off.

-LAUGHTER I didn't know that.

-Yeah.

Now, that's a good answer, Catherine.

Actually, you were right about Belfast.

It would have been an even better answer.

It would have scored you 23 points.

Liverpool, for Lime Street and Moorfields, of course,

would have scored you 52,

and Ibrox and Buchanan Street, Glasgow,

and that would have scored 64.

Thanks very much. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores.

As ever, the lowest score is that

far one over there on podium four.

Catherine and Jane, very well done, on 28.

Then, up to 55, Nikki and Ian.

Then up to 90, David and Kevin,

so, Kevin, we need a low score from you.

-Good luck. How you find that board, for example?

-Yeah, not too bad.

I'm surprised he went for London, to be honest with you.

OK, well, you can have words with him on the way home.

-Best of luck finding a nice, low score, Kevin.

-Thank you.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more pairs of stations up on the board,

and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

Now, remember we're looking for

the towns or cities in which you'd find these pairs of stations.

Jane, you're the low scorers once again,

but I think you'll still know a really nice low answer on that board.

I know a few of them.

I'm trying to work out which the lowest one will be.

Actually, I don't think this will be the lowest but I'm sure of it,

so Deansgate and Piccadilly Gardens - Manchester.

Manchester, says Jane. Here's your red line.

If you get below that with Manchester, you're into the head-to-head for a second time.

Let's see how many people said Manchester.

It's right.

And you're through. Well done.

49. Good enough.

APPLAUSE Takes your total up to 77.

Another very good answer and safely through.

Thanks, Richard.

Now, Ian, you have a target.

-Yep.

-34 or less.

There are a couple on there that I do know for sure.

Again, I don't know which one's going to be the lowest

but I'll go for Lace Market and The Forest - Nottingham.

Nottingham, says Ian.

Here's your red line. If you can get below that with Nottingham,

you'll go through to the head-to-head.

Let's see how many people said Nottingham.

It's right.

APPLAUSE 46.

Takes your total up to 101.

Not a bad answer at all.

Of course, famous for its lace making industry, Nottingham,

and a football team called Forest.

Thank you, Richard. Now, Kevin.

Kevin, talk us through the board. You have to score 10 or less.

I'm not sure on any, if I'm honest,

but I do think maybe Murrayfield...

Belfast or Dublin. I'm going to go for Dublin.

OK, you're going to say Dublin. Here is your red line.

You'd have to get below that.

Dublin would have to be right, though.

Let's see if it is.

-I'm afraid not, Kevin.

-It's Edinburgh. It's Edinburgh.

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

That scores you 100 points and takes your total up to 190

-and you clearly know that answer.

-Yeah.

Yes, I think you realised Edinburgh is the answer there.

It would have scored you 51 points though. It's a big scorer.

The top one is Leeds.

Another big scorer, 53.

Jewellery Quarter and Soho Benson Road...

Fewer clues there

but obviously an awful lot of people live near or around it.

-It's Birmingham.

-Yeah.

But it is the best answer on the board, 30 points if you said that.

-And Clifton Down - Temple Meads?

-Bristol.

-Bristol.

That's the biggest scorer there, actually, 67.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair heading home

with a high score of 190, I'm afraid, Kevin and David.

Well, listen, you've done twice as well this time as you did last time

and a better score to go out on, 190.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Sorry, this is where we have to say goodbye. Kevin and David,

great contestants, thanks so much. APPLAUSE

But for Jane and Catherine, Nicola and Ian,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, this is very exciting, Jane and Catherine, Nikki and Ian.

You are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

Well, you know the score.

At this point you can start playing as a team.

You don't have to answer on your own any more, and the first pair

to win two questions will be playing for the jackpot.

Well, Jane and Catherine, you've been here before.

In fact, you've been RIGHT here before.

Yes, it was 2 - 1, wasn't it, against you last time?

Well, best of luck this time.

Nikki and Ian, we've had some good answers from you

and now you can put your heads together, who knows what will happen.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here is your first question and it concerns:

Perfectly logical. Piggybacking Animals. Richard?

As a special treat for you, we're going to show you five pictures now

of animals taking a ride on the backs of other animals.

We need you to tell us the animal that's providing the ride, please.

LAUGHTER

OK, let's reveal our five piggybacking animals

and here they are. We've got:

HE CHUCKLES

Aw.

Meh.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

-Aw.

-Beautiful.

There we go.

OK, so it's the one that is giving the ride that we are after,

not the passenger.

Jane and Catherine,

-you are to go first.

-OK.

We are going to go for A - capybara.

A - capybara, say Jane and Catherine. Capybara.

Now then, Nikki and Ian, the board's all yours.

Talk us through it.

We know B is warthog.

I would say C is crocodile.

We don't know D.

D we're not sure of,

-and E is...

-Chameleon.

-Chameleon.

That's the one that you're going to go for?

-Yeah, E - chameleon.

-We'll go for E.

OK, so we have capybara and we have chameleon.

Jane and Catherine said capybara.

Let's see if it's right and let's see how many people said it.

Yep, it's right.

25. APPLAUSE

Now, Nikki and Ian have said E - chameleon.

Let's see if that's right

and how many of our 100 people said chameleon.

Oh, bad luck.

78 for chameleon, which means, well done, Jane and Catherine.

After one question you're up 1 - 0.

They're often too angry to land on, chameleons, they won't give lifts.

That one's fortunately found a CALMER chameleon there

-and has got away with it.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks, everybody, thank you.

B - warthog, let's take a look at the score.

That scored 52.

-What's the creature on the warthog there? Cos that's sweet.

-It's a bird.

-Aw, look at that. Is it a bird?

-Yeah, a bird.

-Lovely.

-They've got wings, flies up in the air.

-Yeah.

-Cos sometimes you see them about, don't you? Lovely.

-Yeah.

Birds, they're called.

C is a crocodile.

Would have scored 88 points.

D... I mean, Capybara was obviously going to be a low score.

It might have been worth having a guess at this.

-It is...

-Giant something land snail.

Giant something land snail.

And... No, too many letters for Andean.

Aa... African.

-Giant African land snail.

-Good.

It would have scored you 18 points.

How giant is that? Cos I don't know how big that frog is.

Well, that's the point. That frog is essentially...

That's a giant African land frog.

-It's five feet across.

-It's the size of a horse, that frog,

so the snail is quite something.

I don't know what it's sliding across

-but it's beautifully shiny, look at that.

-Thank you.

-It's actually this desk.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-You keep that so well.

-Thank you.

-There you go.

OK, thank you, there we are.

So here comes your second question, Nikki and Ian.

You have to win this one to stay in the game

but you get to answer first, so best of luck with that.

It concerns:

Queens. Richard?

I'm going to show a list of clues to people or things that have

the word Queen in their title. Can you give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our list of clues and here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

Now then, Nikki and Ian, it's you to go first.

We're going to go for the last one, the American rapper,

Queen Latifah.

Queen Latifah, say Nikki and Ian. Queen Latifah.

Now, Jane and Catherine, the board is all yours.

We think the second one is Queens Park Rangers

and the film is The African Queen.

And that's the one we're going to go for, The African Queen.

The African Queen, say Jane and Catherine.

So we have Queen Latifah and we have African Queen.

Now, Nikki and Ian said Queen Latifah.

Let's see if that's right for Dana Owens and how many people said it.

Very good. 39. APPLAUSE

Jane and Catherine, meanwhile, have gone for The African Queen,

the Humphrey Bogart film.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

And it wins you the point!

Look at that, down to 30, which means, very well done,

Jane and Catherine. Finally you've done it!

After only two questions, as well. You are through to the final 2 - 0.

Very well played. There's another couple of low-scoring answers up there.

The first one, the real name of Green Arrow is Oliver Queen.

That would have scored you 8 points. You're right about Queens Park Rangers.

It would have scored you 74. It says they were promoted there in 2014.

It doesn't mention they were relegated in 2015, which they were,

also rivals of Fulham.

It was a shame to see.

The Daucus carota plant is also known as...

Queen Anne's lace.

2 points, so very well done if you said that.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

Nikki and Ian - a great shame for us.

You've played very well throughout the show so far.

We will get to see you again next time, though,

which is a bonus and we look forward to that very much indeed.

In the meantime, thanks very much, Nikki and Ian.

APPLAUSE

But for Jane and Catherine it's now time for our Pointless final.

Oh, well done, Jane and Catherine!

Finally you have made it through to the final.

You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to play for our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £1,000.

Well, there you were in the head-to-head last time

as our golden couple.

Now that is by no means an automatic bye through to the final.

Last time it was a bye to the dressing room.

-No, it was hello to the dressing room.

-Well, it was bye from us.

But this time, very, very strong definitive low scorers in each round,

2 - 0 in the head-to-head. Through you come.

Now that normally tees things up very nicely for a jackpot win

in this round.

What would you like to see on that board to help you win that jackpot?

I would not like to see football.

No, we don't want sport.

Literature again, maybe.

Yeah, perhaps literature. Perhaps...countries.

-Music if it's '60s and '70s.

-Yeah.

OK, well, we're going to show you what today's selection looks like.

Let's hope there's something you like the look of up there.

We've got:

Fiction?

-Well, do you know anything about Japan?

-No.

I've eaten some sushi once

but I think that's probably about my limit.

-Let's go for Modern US Fiction.

-Modern US Fiction.

OK, Modern US Fiction it is, Richard.

That sounded like you were between a rock and a hard place there.

-We were.

-The best of a bad bunch. I wish you very, very best of luck.

We're looking for novels by three of the real giants of US literature.

We're looking for any novel released up to May 2015

by Philip Roth,

by Jack Kerouac,

or by Cormac McCarthy.

So, any Philip Roth, Jack Kerouac or Cormac McCarthy novels

up to May 2015.

They've got to be full-length novels, not short stories,

but novels by any of those three gentlemen. Very, very best of luck.

-Thank you. Can we go for Japan?

-HE LAUGHS

You beat me to it.

As always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

All we need for you to win that jackpot

-is for just one of those answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-Well, the only Jack Kerouac one is On the Road.

-Yeah, On the Road.

-I don't know.

-Philip Roth...

I don't think I know any.

I've heard of him but I don't...

And I don't know anything about Cormac McCarthy either.

-So it was a good category to pick then.

-So we've got On the Road.

I think we'll be on the road in a minute.

Philip Roth, Philip Roth.

Was that Portnoy's Complaint?

-Who wrote that?

-I can't remember.

-Was it Philip Roth?

-Possibly. We may as well say it.

We don't have many others, do we?

I don't know whether that's a book I should have read. I don't think it is.

Cormac McCarthy... Who's Cormac McCarthy?

Oh...

-We've just got to make something up.

-We'll have to make something up.

-So we'll have to have On the Road.

-Yeah.

-Portnoy's Complaint...

-Ten seconds left.

-Cormac McCarthy sounds Irish, doesn't he?

-Yeah.

Um...

-The Emerald Isle.

-OK. Let's do that.

OK. That's your time up. What are your three answers going to be?

OK, Jack Kerouac - On the Road.

On the Road.

Cormac McCarthy, we're going to go for The Emerald Isle.

Beautiful book, yes, The Emerald Isle.

And Philip Roth... Go for it.

I've got a feeling it's Portnoy's Complaint but I don't know...

-And that's for Philip Roth?

-Yes.

-OK, so one from each of them.

Now, of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

The only one we know is right is On the Road.

Shall we put On the Road last then?

-And I'm guessing The Emerald Isle we might put first.

-Yes, I think so.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order then

and here they are.

We've got The Emerald Isle, we've got Portnoy's Complaint,

and we've got On the Road.

Very best of luck. Three answers there.

What if one of those is pointless?

I will faint.

-What if one of those is pointless...

-And I'll pick Jane up.

..and you win that jackpot?

What would you do with the swag, Jane?

I'd probably put it towards a short break somewhere, I think.

-Very good. Catherine?

-I'd do the same.

I'm going to Paris later in the year so I'd put it towards that.

Very good indeed. OK, well, best of luck.

Three good answers. They certainly look good up on the board there,

your first answer, particularly, The Emerald Isle.

In this case we were looking for Cormac McCarthy novels.

It has to be right, obviously, then it has to be pointless to win,

so for £1,000, let's see if anyone said The Emerald Isle.

Let's just see if it's right.

-Aw.

-The Emerald Isle, an incorrect answer, so not a pointless answer.

Only two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Portnoy's Complaint.

In this case, we were looking for Philip Roth novels.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see if it's pointless.

If it's both of those things, you leave here with £1,000.

How many people said Portnoy's Complaint?

-It's right.

-Right! Well done.

-It's right.

You weren't at all sure if it was

but it is indeed a Philip Roth novel.

Down it goes through the 20s,

through the teens.

It's still going down, single figures...

-Ooh, 4!

-Oh, well done though.

4 for Portnoy's Complaint. APPLAUSE

Now that's more like it. Very exciting indeed.

Sadly, not a pointless answer.

Your third and final answer was On The Road.

You put this one last because you knew it was right,

not necessarily cos you thought it would be pointless,

but let's find out how many people said On the Road.

For £1,000, is it pointless?

Well, it's right.

Your first answer, The Emerald Isle, of course was incorrect,

Portnoy's Complaint took us down to 4.

On the Road now takes us down through the 20s and it...

Ooh, 22 for On the Road. There we are.

Well, I have to say, four very, very tricky categories there

and you made the best of a bad job there

cos you were kind of forced into that one.

It was either that or Japan and I don't know where we'd have been with Japan.

I'm afraid you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot.

That will roll over to the next show, but what a great performance,

really strong right across both shows,

and you get a Pointless trophy each to take home for your trouble.

That's marvellous, thank you.

But very well done, Jane and Catherine.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, very well played. Exemplary performance.

The Japanese question was just Japanese translations

of Philip Roth novels so you didn't lose out.

Portnoy's Complaint of course is about a guy called Portnoy,

who gets mis-sold PPI. It's a terrific novel.

It's not really that. It's not really.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

There's lots in all of them. Philip Roth novels -

Everyman is a pointless answer. I Married a Communist is a brilliant book.

It's about me marrying a communist, funnily enough.

Indignation is a pointless answer.

Zuckerman Unbound was a pointless answer, as was Zuckerman Bound.

It was an early attempt to try and do a Fifty Shades of Grey-type trilogy.

-It didn't come off.

-LAUGHTER

It wasn't that at all. Deception, also a pointless answer.

Exit Ghost, Letting Go, My Life as a Man.

You could have had The Anatomy Lesson, The Counterlife,

The Dying Animal, The Professor of Desire, and When She Was Good.

All of those were pointless answers for Philip Roth novels.

Let's take a look at Jack Kerouac now.

Book of Dreams, you could have had,

Doctor Sax, Maggie Cassidy, The Sea Is My Brother.

It wasn't, spoiler alert. It was the sea, it turns out, in the end.

He was very drunk and got very, very confused.

He tried to invite it round for Christmas. It was awful.

The entire living room was just damp right through Boxing Day.

It was a mess. Now Cormac McCarthy. He does sound Irish. He's not Irish.

He writes very bleak, desolate American novels, Cormac McCarthy.

The big answers for him were The Road, and No Country for Old Men,

those were the big scorers.

Blood Meridian, as well, and All the Pretty Horses.

But the pointless answers for him, you've got Cities of the Plain.

You could have had Suttree, The Crossing,

The Orchard Keeper, and also you could have had The Sunset Limited.

Very well done. I know some people love their literature

and it would have been the perfect round for them.

I'm sorry it was not your perfect round.

You've been brilliant across so many categories and this is unfortunately

a bad time to come across a blind spot, but very, very well played.

Thanks very much. Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to you,

Jane and Catherine. It's been great having you on the show, on both shows indeed.

Thank you so much for playing, Jane and Catherine.

APPLAUSE

Well, sadly, Jane and Catherine didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over on to the next show

when we will be playing for £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us then. See if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING