Episode 47 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the game where you are always aiming for the lowest score.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Judith, and I live in Cornwall,

and this is my sister, Ann, and she lives in Sheffield.

Couple number two.

Hello, I'm Gareth, this is my wife, Grace,

and we're from Bolton.

Couple number three.

Hello, my name is Nancy, this is my friend Alf,

and we're from Cambridge.

And finally, couple number four.

Hiya, I'm Illy, this is Chris, and we're train crew from Blackpool.

And these are today's contestants.

A warm welcome to you all. Thank you very much.

We will find out more about you throughout the show as it goes along.

So that leaves one more person for me to introduce.

To appeal to a younger audience today,

he's only giving answers in emoticons -

smiley face, smiley face, balloon, party hat,

winking ghost, love hearts, processing monk.

It's my pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody. Afternoon.

-Ah, how are you today?

-I'm... Do you know what?

I'm getting Pointless back.

-Are you?

-Yeah, yeah, Pointless back.

You need to see the physio, or get one of those foam rollers.

-That's what I need - a foam roller.

-Ah!

-Pointless back.

I think it's cos... I stand so badly when we're recording.

-Like that?

-You know, have you ever spotted...?

I rarely look in your direction, if I'm honest.

Well... LAUGHTER

What we should get is a wire from up there

and I could just, I could be suspended.

-Oh, that's a lovely idea.

-I could very gently spin.

Or have you sitting down.

If we do this for a few more years, you'll have to be sitting down.

Oh, I will. Or maybe I'd have a very discreet stool.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS That's...

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

You know what? That may explain the back problem.

Now, we had our hairiest ever jackpot winners last time,

-Gareth and David, with their very impressive beards.

-Very.

And on today's show, another bit of Pointless history, possibly,

cos Gareth and Grace are back.

Now, Gareth...

A long time ago, we had a gentleman

called the Reverend Tom Thomas on the show,

came on with one of his sons.

-Came on two shows, didn't win.

-No.

About a year later, another of his sons came on with a cousin,

so two more members of the Thomas family -

two shows, didn't win.

Now, Gareth is yet another son.

He's had one show so far, didn't win.

So we are having no more Thomases on ever again after this, Gareth.

Just so you know, the drawbridge is now up.

-No pressure.

-This, Gareth and Grace,

is the last chance for the Thomas family

to win a Pointless trophy.

The last chance.

And we welcome two new pairs as well.

-I think Illy seems like trouble. Do you?

-Yes.

-You know what I mean?

-Yeah.

-In a nice way, Illy.

But I think you might have to watch him.

I don't think he's going to do your back any good whatsoever

-with Illy mucking about.

-No.

I think people are going to have to be sensitive

-towards your needs in today's show.

-Thank you.

Thank you very much, Richard.

OK, now, Gareth and David, as you'll have gathered,

won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000. There it is.

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, all you have to remember is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated -

that is all, that is it.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon is...

It's Film Titles.

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Film titles missing their numbers, Richard.

We're going to show you the names of seven films

that have numbers in their titles, but we've missed those numbers out.

Can you tell us what they are?

There's going to be 14 to have a go at home.

-Very best of luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

OK, so what are the numbers missing from these titles?

Here's our first board of seven.

And we have...

I'll read those all one last time.

-Judith, welcome back to Pointless.

-Thank you.

Very helpfully, you and Ann and Gareth and Grace

are all on the same podiums you were on last time.

-Spooky, isn't it?

-Very.

I was thrilled when Ann picked out number one again, obviously(!)

Yes, it wasn't kind to you last time.

Maybe podium one owes you a favour, is what I'm thinking.

-I think it does actually.

-Yeah.

-Definitely.

Remind us what you do, Judith.

-I work for an IT company in Plymouth.

-In Plymouth.

Live in Cornwall, work in Plymouth? How long does that take you?

Whereabouts in Cornwall are you? Which bit?

-I'm between Liskeard and Callington.

-Lovely.

-I'm out in the country.

Very nice indeed.

-Now, Judith, these film titles.

-Yes.

-Are you a keen film watcher?

-Reasonably, reasonably.

-I do know a couple on there, so it's not too bad.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-OK.

So, I think I will go for the top one, actually,

which I think is Three Kings.

Three Kings, says Judith.

Let's if it's right, let's see how many people agree with Judith.

Three Kings.

55. APPLAUSE

55 for Three Kings.

Yeah, George Clooney, Mark Wahlberg and Ice Cube.

-It's a really good film.

-Excellent film.

-Really good film.

Thank you, Richard.

Gareth, welcome back.

Now, I have to say,

you are the trailblazer of the Thomas family now.

There you are, you were our golden couple last time.

All the way through to the head-to-head,

you were literally in touching distance

of that magnificent Pointless trophy.

Have you yet cleared a space

for where the trophy will inevitably end up?

Uf, I didn't dare risk it. But we'd love it.

-Now, Gareth, remind us what you do.

-I'm a vicar.

And where is your parish?

It's up in Daisy Hill in Wingates, just outside Bolton.

-Outside Bolton. And is your dad still a vicar?

-He's retired now.

-He's retired. But he's in Manchester?

-That's right, yes.

So, do you see much of him? Do you compare notes at all?

Yeah, he helps out from time to time.

-He's a good man to have around.

-That's nice. Very good.

Have you ever rung him on a Saturday night

and said, "Oh, I haven't written my sermon for tomorrow, Dad.

-"Can I...?"

-I haven't done.

Have you got one on the Annunciation?

I haven't done that yet, but you never know, there's time yet.

Worth bearing in mind.

Has he kept all of his?

He's got a file somewhere?

I think he has. He's quite organised like that, yeah, yeah.

I should find the file if I were you, Gareth -

could save you a lot of time.

Now, Gareth, what are you going to go for?

I think I'm going to go for Big Hero 6.

Big Hero 6, says Gareth.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Big Hero 6.

Well, it beats 55. There we are.

40 for Big Hero Six.

APPLAUSE

-And that won the Oscar for Best Animated Film in 2015.

-Hm.

-It's also quite a nice film.

-Yeah. It was OK.

-Yeah, it's serviceable.

-It did a job, it did a job.

-Nancy.

-Hello.

-Welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you here.

-From Cambridge?

-That's right, yes.

-And what do you do, Nancy?

-I'm not working at the moment.

I have a little girl who's just turned two,

so I spend most of my time running around after her.

We say not working. Working your socks off, I should think.

-Just don't get paid.

-Yes, exactly.

Now, how did you and Alfred meet?

Well, actually, we met at a murder mystery party a few years ago.

Alfred was hosting. He was Captain Welly...

-Captain Welly, yeah.

-..a romantic poet

who had a bit of problem with writing poetry, I seem to remember,

and I was Lady Caroline Molton, his muse, one of his muses.

So, hang on - were you working professionally as characters,

-or you turn up with friends...?

-No, no, not at all.

You just join the thing?

It's a whole weekend, is it?

-No, it was just a night, actually.

-A night.

-Yeah.

-Was it fun?

It was great fun, but I turned out to be the murderer,

and I don't know how I did it, I just have no idea.

We never really uncovered quite what went on.

-Did Captain Welly throw any light on that?

-No, I don't think so.

-Not a great deal.

-How curious. I've never done one of these.

-It's good fun.

-Oh, yeah. I should.

Now, Nancy, we're looking for numbers, missing numbers from films.

How do you find that board?

I thought I'd find it easier than this, actually.

And there's a few that I think I know,

but I'm going to have to go for the most...

what I think is probably quite an obvious one.

But I'm going to say The Magnificent Seven.

The Magnificent Seven, says Nancy.

Let's see how many of our 100 said The Magnificent Seven.

Well, 55 is our high score...

Till now.

84. Wow. APPLAUSE

Still, it's better than 100.

-84.

-That's a big score, though, isn't it?

But it's actually quite a tough board, that, isn't it?

It is quite tough.

When you take the easy ones off, which I think we may have done.

But, yeah...84.

-There we are.

-Never to be forgotten.

-Never indeed.

Illy, welcome to Pointless.

Illy, what do you do?

I'm a conductor on the trains in Blackpool.

In Blackpool? What line are you on? How far do you travel?

We work from Blackpool up to York, Manchester, Liverpool -

all the northern area, basically.

-OK. How long have you done that for?

-Nearly 11 years.

On the same route all that time or...?

-Yeah, same company, so, we've done the same routes.

-That's very good.

What are your interests outside train conducting?

I used to coach football - I did that for about 11 years,

junior football.

Stopped about two years ago,

but my son's just started where I finished, at the same club.

-So he's coaching as well?

-Yeah, he's coaching.

-He played from five up to 16...

-Yeah.

..started college, and then he's started training now, so...

-Aw, fantastic.

-Brilliant.

Do you ever go and watch him coaching?

-He doesn't want me there. Not allowed.

-Not allowed?

-Not allowed.

-Well, after the incident?

LAUGHTER Yeah.

-I'm just not allowed. It's that.

-Yeah, oh, I see. Fair enough.

-Too much.

-Fair enough.

Now, this board is all yours,

-and either that's going to thrill you or terrify you...

-Terrify me.

..depending how well you know your films.

I thought it was going to be a bit easier than what it is,

but I'm going to have a punt at 28 Days Of Night.

28 Days Of Night, says Illy. 28.

Now, Gareth is nodding in such a way that makes me think,

"Gareth, why didn't you say that?"

-I doubted myself.

-Yes, well there we are.

28 Days Of Night. Let's see if it's right,

let's see how many people said 28 Days Of Night.

Oh, no.

Oh, you dodged one there, Gareth.

There we are. Oh, bad luck, Illy.

I'm afraid not 28 Days Of Night.

-That scores you 100 points.

-I thought the same.

Sorry, Illy. You chose the wrong month

-cos it's 30 Days Of Night...

-Right.

-..I'm afraid.

Very close. 10 points for that.

They were all difficult, all the one's that remained.

It is 30 Minutes Or Less.

Can I just say, on behalf of Twitter,

it's 30 minutes or fewer! LAUGHTER

Just, yeah...

That would've scored 5 points.

127 Hours.

That would've scored 11 points.

And How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days.

And that would've scored you 32.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Well, what about that, Gareth?

40 - best score of the pass.

It's looking good for the Thomas family once again.

Then we travel up to 55, where we find Judith and Ann.

84, Nancy and Alf,

and then up to 100 where we find Illy and Chris.

So, Chris, I mean, you're not that far in front, actually.

Nancy's helped you out a bit there.

A really good low score from you, Chris, might keep you in the game.

Best of luck with that. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium?

OK. Let's put seven more film titles up on the board

with their missing numbers, and here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

Chris, a warm welcome.

Also from Blackpool,

and you're also train crew - is that right?

-Yes, I'm a driver, yeah.

-See, that's fun.

Sorry, not that what you do isn't fun, Illy.

I mean, the conducting is fun too -

you get to meet lots of people -

but driving, I mean, that's a dream come true, isn't it?

It's great, to be fair, yeah. It's a good place to be.

Now, Chris, what are your interests outside of the cab?

I enjoy sport, I play sport,

I enjoy watching sport, I play cricket.

I've been in a band as well.

Recently left the band because of train driving,

-so that was quite a depart.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

Being a train driver, quite handy for the band

if you had to go somewhere fast.

Yeah, we should've just done a train set, shouldn't we, really?

Long train running...

What, so, literally, your train commitments...couldn't...?

Did the band call you in and say, "Listen, Chris, this is..."

Well, it was me, to be fair.

My wife's in the band and my brother,

and we were... It was affecting their work,

so it was kind of make your decision,

and they kicked me out, so there you go.

-LAUGHTER

-That's nice, isn't it?

What about that? Don't like that at all.

-What was the band called?

-The Versions.

-The Versions.

-Yes.

-The Versions.

See, that's a good name, that is a good name.

If you receive see The Versions, don't go and see them...

-until they reinstate Chris.

-Yeah.

I'm sorry, Chris. I can only apologise.

Anyway, you're the high scorers - we need a low score from you here,

so take in that board and find a nice low score.

-Yeah...

-It's not that easy, is it?

I know, because, the last board, there was some,

I thought there was some weird scores.

I do know a few,

but I'm going to go for 10 Things I Hate About You.

10 Things I Hate About You, says Chris. Let's see if it's right.

No red line for you as you're the high scorers.

It is 10.

63, that scores you.

APPLAUSE 163 is your total.

Yeah, it's a modern take on Shakespeare's Taming Of The Shrew.

Thanks very much, Richard.

-Now, Alfred, a warm welcome.

-Hi there.

Or should I say Captain Welly?

Did you get to choose the names or they were foisted upon new?

They were foisted upon us, yeah.

What do you do, Alfred?

-I'm a university student money adviser.

-Right.

So, literally, the student body can come to you,

any student can come and say...

Yeah, the main things we do

is we make sure that they're getting everything they're entitled to

and then help them with budgeting

so that when they get their grants and what have you...

They don't lose it all in the first week.

-Hopefully, hopefully, yes.

-Yeah.

And what are your interests outside of that, Alfred?

I play badminton for a local club,

I do yoga,

and I'm keen...

Like, I go to lots of live music gigs

and that sort of thing.

I'm quite into folk music,

and living in Cambridge, I go to the Cambridge Folk Festival.

-Yeah, absolutely.

-Going up later this year.

-Very good.

So, Alfred, there you are on 84.

High scorers at the moment are Chris and Illy on 163.

You have to score 78 or less.

Right. Erm, yeah, there's a couple there I think I know.

I'm not 100% sure.

I'll go for 28 Days Later.

28 Days Later. There's 28.

There's your red line.

If you can get below that with 28, you are through to the next round.

It's right, and you are through.

Very well done.

40.

APPLAUSE It takes your total up to 124.

Well played. I think that might've been the one Illy was thinking of.

Yeah, 28 Days Later, Danny Boyle's post-apocalyptic horror film.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Grace.... Grace, welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Grace.

-I'm a youth and children's worker at the moment.

-Very good indeed.

And, also, I mean, a full-time vicar's wife as well.

-Yes.

-I mean, that's quite a... That's...

Presumably, you know, living...

-Do you live in the vicarage next to the church?

-Yes, we do.

So, I mean, you have to be there to welcome all comers, don't you?

-Well, yes, sometimes, yeah.

-That's quite a full-time job.

And if you have time for other activities,

-what sort of other activities do you like to do?

-I like...

-I've suddenly discovered a liking for gardening.

-Mm.

Is the vicarage garden a decent size?

-Yes, we have got a very big garden.

-Very nice.

But, yeah, so, I only ever really like gardening if it's sunny,

so it's a bit limiting.

-You want to get a coat, Grace, really.

-Yes.

Yeah. No, so what sort of... Do you have vegetables, or do you...?

We're starting to grow some vegetables now.

Very good. Very exciting.

Now, you're through - this is good news.

It doesn't matter what you score,

but let's have a good answer from you, Grace.

I know a few on there.

I think I'm going to go for This Is 40.

This Is 40, says Grace.

No red line cos you're already through.

Let's see how many people said This Is 40.

It's right.

Now, look at that. Down it goes.

Look at that. 10.

APPLAUSE Very well done indeed, Grace.

Best score of the round by some margin.

That takes your total up to 50.

Very well played, Grace. Another great answer.

We pointed out last time

the only person not to be born into the Thomas family

has been very much the lowest scorer

of the six representatives of the family we've had.

Yeah, notably.

Thank you very much.

-Now then, Ann, welcome back.

-Thank you.

What do you do, Ann?

Well, I'm retired now,

and so I enjoy playing a lot of golf.

Perfect. And you live up in Sheffield?

I live in Sheffield, yes.

And how long have you been playing golf? What's your handicap?

-Should I say?

-No, you don't have to answer that.

-But it's more for the social...

-It's teams, it's in the teams.

I see. Well, this is marvellous.

-But a really good gang of friends who you play with.

-Yes.

Are you quite competitive as a golfer?

-Um... Yes.

-Yes, says Judith to that. Yeah.

So, is it really most days you'll be in the golf club?

Well, last week, it was every day,

and I do put the pacer now on, you know, my app on the phone.

So you can see how far you've...?

Yeah, so I roughly average between 6,0000 and 10,000 paces a day.

See, 10,000 paces a day is extremely good -

that's what we're all meant to aim for.

Maybe I need a treadmill here. That would sort out my...

That's is a really good idea.

-I could power all these podiums with my tread.

-Lovely idea.

-I've got a little bike under here.

-I see that.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

-Powers your laptop, doesn't it?

-It does, yeah.

-Makes you grow, Richard.

-Yeah.

-Exactly that.

Ann, again, you're already through, so it doesn't matter what you score,

but, for fun, do you want to talk us through this board?

Er, wish I could.

They're all guesses.

So I'm just going to guess, actually,

at I Am Number One.

-I Am Number One.

-It's a guess.

-I Am Number One, says Ann.

Well, no red line - you're already through.

Let's see how many people said one.

Bad luck.

An incorrect answer there scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 155, but you're through.

Yeah, it's I Am Number Four, unfortunately. I Am Number Four.

Would've scored 14 points.

-The top one, which is probably the easiest one to guess.

-10.

Starter For 10, a film about University Challenge.

55 points for that.

-8 Mile.

-8 Mile.

Eminem's film. Would've scored you 54.

-And from 1984....

-Sixteen Candles.

-Sixteen Candles.

18 points for that.

Best answer on the board, then, was This Is 40, Grace - well played.

Thanks very much.

So at the end of our first round, the pair heading home,

I'm sorry to say, it's Chris and Illy.

Not that far ahead of everyone else, but we will see you again next time.

Look forward to that,

but in the meantime, thanks very much, Chris and Illy.

-Cheers, thank you. Good luck.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well done, our three remaining pairs.

You'll have noticed that one of the four pairs we had

has just disappeared -

that, I'm afraid, will happen again at the end of this round.

The highest-scoring pair will be leaving us.

Well, Grace and Gareth, superb.

Our lowest joint score,

our lowest individual score, Grace - very well done to you.

Nancy and Alfred, well done -

you finally found a use for number 28, which was great,

and Ann and Judith,

you just made it through there thanks to our other high scorers.

But, anyway, welcome to Round Two, everyone.

Our category this afternoon for Round Two is Words.

It's a Words round. Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is - here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Words ending in T-A-R-Y, Richard.

Yeah, any word with its own entry

in oxforddictionaries.com English section, please, which ends T-A-R-Y.

As always, no proper nouns, no hyphenated words,

and very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

So...Ann...

OK. Supplementary.

Supplementary, says Ann.

Supplementary. Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

That's a great answer, Ann.

APPLAUSE Very well done indeed.

3 for supplementary.

Great start, Ann. Very well played. Yeah, supplementary.

-Extra.

-Extra.

Extra supple....which is what you need to be.

It is, isn't it?

-Gareth. Gareth.

-Yeah.

-Now then.

No, no, no - I don't like that look, Gareth, at all.

-It's not good...

-No, no, no.

-Not my strong suit.

-Terrible speller.

-GARETH CHUCKLES

Erm...going to go with military.

Military, says Gareth. Military.

Let's see how many of our 100 said that.

It's right.

20. APPLAUSE

20 for military.

Well played. Yeah, military,

er...the art of selling millets.

AUDIENCE CHUCKLES

Thank you very much indeed.

-Nancy.

-Hello.

Nancy, what would you like to go for?

Erm...

If I'm spelling it right, I'm going to go for complimentary.

Complimentary, says Nancy.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said complimentary.

Look at that. Not bad at all. 11.

APPLAUSE

11.

-Yeah, paying a compliment.

-Hm.

That's nice, isn't it?

That is nice, that is nice. Thank you very much.

We're halfway through the round - let's look at those scores.

3, the best score of that pass.

Very well done indeed, Ann.

Then up to 11, where we find Nancy and Alfred,

then up to 20, Gareth and Grace.

Grace, you don't need me to tell you what we need from you,

but, yes, I have every faith you will find a lovely low score.

We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium?

Now than...Alfred... Alfred.

OK. Erm, notary.

Notary, says Alfred. Very good indeed.

Here's your red line - if you can get below that with notary,

you are definitely into the head-to-head.

How many of our 100 said notary?

Ooh, 12! APPLAUSE

Not bad.

It takes your total up to 23.

Yeah, a person authorised to carry out certain legal formalities -

a notary.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now then, Grace,

-we need a score of two or less from you, Grace.

-OK.

I've got one that's fairly obvious

and I've got one that's a bit risky,

so I think I'm going to go for the one that's a bit risky,

erm, and I think rotary.

Rotary. Rotary, says Grace.

There's your red line - very low. Can you get below that with rotary?

HE INHALES DEEPLY Let's see.

It's right.

17.

APPLAUSE

37 is your total.

Revolving around a centre or axis.

-And a bit like a rotor.

-A bit.

-Rotary. It's very rotary.

-Thank you very much.

-And Rotary Club, of course.

-Indeed.

Lots of places up and down the country have those.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Judith. Judith, this is very exciting.

-We have to have a score of 33 or less from you.

-OK.

Yeah, I have a few in my head.

I don't think I'll go for anything too risky,

so I will go for rudimentary.

Rudimentary, says Judith.

Here's your red line -

get below that with rudimentary, you are in the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said rudimentary.

You've done it.

It's a good answer. Look at that. 3.

You equal Ann with supplementary. APPLAUSE

6 is your total.

Very, very well done indeed.

Terrific stuff on that first podium.

I'll take you through some of the low scorers here -

3 is the best score we've had in the round.

Let's take a look at anything that scored less than 3.

You'd have got 2 points for unsanitary, parliamentary,

fragmentary, proprietary.

You'd have got 1 point for tributary, uncomplimentary,

insanitary, paramilitary and interplanetary -

all of those, very good answers,

Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

-You could have unparliamentary, couldn't you?

-You could...

-You're about to see it.

-That would be lovely.

Mockumentary is a pointless answer - that's in the dictionary.

So is shockumentary and rockumentary,

and they're both pointless as well.

Nonhereditary is all one word.

Protonotary - so it's a type of notary.

Alf, if only you'd known a protonotary.

Salutary is a pointless answer - well done if you said that.

Testamentary, er, un...undersecretary.

I wondered what that meant.

-"Under-secretary?"

-ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Undersecretary was a pointless answer - well done if you said that.

Unmilitary - that's a pointless answer.

Unparliamentary and vestimentary.

Let's take a look at the top three answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

Military, actually, the third highest scorer of all.

Momentary, 32...

and elementary also 32, up at the top there.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round,

oh, I can't bear delivering this news.

I'm so sorry, Grace and Gareth - I'm afraid the Thomas line ends here.

Do you think the rest of the Thomases will be secretly pleased?

-Yes.

-Yes.

Well...I think order's been restored, hasn't it? I think.

I'm so sorry to be saying goodbye.

It's been wonderful having you. Absolutely fantastic play,

and I have to make special mention of Grace's superb efforts.

Grace and Gareth, been lovely having you on the show.

Thanks so much for playing. APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Very well done, Nancy and Alfred, Ann and Judith.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for that jackpot,

which currently stands at £1,000.

Well, you know the score at this point -

you can start playing as teams.

We're going to make you go head-to-head -

first pair to win two questions will play for the jackpot.

Well, Ann and Judith, Round One last time -

oh, here we are in the hallowed portals

of the head-to-head this time.

And Nancy and Alfred,

straight through as our lowest scorers on your first appearance.

We've had great answers from each of you.

This will be very, very hard to separate, I think,

but let's see what happens - it's going to be exciting.

Let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Orchestral instruments, Richard.

-We're going to show five pictures

of instruments found in a modern orchestra -

you just have to tell us what they are.

We've given you their initials as well.

OK, let's reveal our five images, and here they come.

We have got...

There we are. Five instruments.

Nancy and Alfred, you've played best throughout the show so far,

see you go will go first.

-WHISPER:

-'I think E is tubular bells.

-'Shall we go for it?

-Yeah, let's go for it.'

OK, we're going to go for E,

which we think is tubular bells.

Tubular bells, say Nancy and Alfred.

Now then, Ann and Judith,

talk us through the rest of the board.

We know B is cello, trumpet,

and we're not sure on D.

-Do we know?

-I think, I think...

I don't know if C is trumpet -

I think C might be tuba.

Let's go B, cello.

-OK, so our answer is B, cello.

-B, cello.

So we have tubular bells, and we have cello.

Nancy and Alfred said tubular bells.

Let's see if that's right for E, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

64. Quite high.

Tubular bells. APPLAUSE

Ann and Judith have gone for cello.

let's see if that's right for B, let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

And... Ooh, look at that - 78. That is high.

APPLAUSE

Two very high scores, but Nancy and Alfred, yours was less high,

which means after one question, you are up 1-nil.

Those are the two highest scorers on the board, actually.

I suspect you'll be able to walk us through this one.

I can talk you through those.

-A, the timpani.

-Timpani.

That would've scored you 33 points.

-C is...

-Tuba.

-..tuba.

-It's very shiny, beautifully...

-Thank you very much. 42 points.

I... I shined it myself.

Yeah, absolutely beautiful.

-And D...

-D is a cor anglais.

-..is a cor anglais.

And that would've scored you 15 points.

Always makes me laugh that name, cor anglais.

-It's quite funny...

-An English horn.

It's an English horn, which is even funnier.

LAUGHTER Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Here comes your second question.

Ann and Judith, you have to win this to stay in the game,

but you get to answer it first, so it's all good.

Best of luck. It concerns...

Things found at a swimming pool, Richard.

We're going to show you five anagrams now

of things you might find at a swimming pool -

can you unscramble them, please?

OK, Let's reveal our five anagrams, and here they are.

We've got...

There we go.

So, Ann and Judith,

feel free to chat that through amongst yourselves.

Goggles is two.

I think that'll be easy.

You do? I don't know the others.

Swimming trunks.

-Shall I go for that?

-Yeah.

We're going to go for swimming trunks,

muting Mrs Winks.

OK, you're going say swimming trunks.

Nancy and Alfred, talk us through the board.

Now, we're not very good at anagrams, I don't think.

We've got one.

Erm... Shall we go for that one?

-What do you think?

-Hm...

Yeah, we're going to have to go for that one, I think.

OK, we are going to go for goggles,

egg logs, goggles.

Egg logs, goggles.

So, we have swimming trunks, and we have goggles.

Ann and Judith said swimming trunks - is it right, how many people said it?

It is right.

There we are. 24.

APPLAUSE

Good score.

Nancy and Alfred meanwhile have gone for goggles for egg logs.

Let's see if that's right.

if it is, let's see how many people said goggles.

52. APPLAUSE

Well done, Ann and Judith. Exactly what you needed to do.

You're back in the game. After two questions, it's 1-all.

It's difficult, isn't it, cos none of them are quite long enough for

small child surreptitiously having a wee in the shallow end.

-LAUGHTER

-Now, the top one...

..is diving board.

That would've scored you 31. The bottom one...

..is lifeguard.

That would've scored 17.

-And the best answer, leader wits.

-That is water slide.

Water slide, yeah. And that would've scored you 3 points.

Thank you very much indeed. OK, here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this goes through

to the final and has a crack at that jackpot,

so best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Thailand, Richard.

Going to show you five clues to facts about the country of Thailand.

The team that gives us the most obscure answer

is going through to play for the jackpot.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Nancy and Alfred, it's back with you.

OK. Erm, we're not sure about too many of them,

but I think we're going to go for the bottom one,

and that's the author of The Beach, is Alex Garland.

Alex Garland, say Nancy and Alfred. Alex Garland.

Now, Ann and Judith, over to you.

We know The Bridge On The River Kwai...

-..but we're going to go... I don't know the other two.

-No.

So we're going to go with the unit of currency,

which is the baht.

The baht. The baht.

So, we have Alex Garland, we have the baht.

Nancy and Alfred have gone for

Alex Garland, the author of The Beach -

let's see if that's right.

It is right.

Ooh, look at that - it's a great answer.

And it's gone. It scores 6.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

Ann and Judith meanwhile have gone for the baht, the unit of currency.

Let's see if that's right, and how many people said it.

It's right.

Ooh, 45. A high score there. APPLAUSE

Which means, very well done, Nancy and Alfred.

You're through to the final 2-1.

Alex Garland was the best answer on the board -

nothing you could've done about that, I'm afraid.

The river is the River Kwai, of course.

Would've scored you 76.

The three colours are red, blue and white.

That would've scored 11.

What do you think the national animal of Thailand is?

-I don't know, is it a chaffinch? I don't know.

-It's not.

-It's a badger.

-Aw...

-It's not really a badger.

-It's an elephant.

-An elephant!

-There you go.

-Of course it's an elephant.

-That would've scored 13 points.

There we are. Thank you very much.

OK, so the pair leaving us

at the end of the head-to-head round, Ann and Judith.

Well, a much improved performance this time

and some great answering from you throughout the show.

I'm afraid it's the end of the road for you.

We have to say goodbye. It's been wonderful having you.

Thank you for playing.

Ann and Judith. APPLAUSE

But, for Nancy and Alfred, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Very well done indeed, Nancy and Alfred.

You've seen off all the competition

-and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Whey!

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot remains at £1,000.

Well, what a strong performance.

Very good indeed.

First time on Pointless, through to the final,

no arguing with that.

And Alex Garland came just at the right moment there, didn't it?

Anything in particular you want to see come up on this last round?

Well, we both really love music,

so maybe something from... I don't know,

Stranglers albums, maybe, would be good.

-That'd be good.

-Yeah.

-OK.

As always, you get to choose your category from the four we put up.

Let's see what we've got today.

We have...

Oh, gosh. I would say either TV spin-offs

or chart music, contemporary chart music.

-Hm...

-What do you think?

Hm... Yeah, I'm not sure. Hm...

I think the TV spin-offs. I think we'll have to go for that.

-I think we'll have to go for TV spin-offs.

-TV spin-offs, it is.

-Richard.

-OK, very best of luck.

We're looking for the name of any actor according to IMDB

who's received five or more acting credits

in any of the following series, please.

So, five or more credits in the Doctor Who spin-off Torchwood,

five or more appearances in

the follow-up to Life On Mars, Ashes to Ashes,

or five or more appearances in

the Only Fools and Horses spin-off, The Green Green Grass.

So, five or more performances, any actor,

in Torchwood, Ashes to Ashes or The Green Green Grass.

Thanks very much, Richard.

As always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot of £1,000

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Good.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

OK, Torchwood, I don't really know it,

-but I know that's somebody called John...

-John Barrymore.

-But I think he'll be a really big scorer.

-He'll be popular.

Ashes To Ashes, I know the woman in it, but again...

-She's really beautiful, she used to be model.

-Mm-hm.

-I can't think of her name.

-My mind's gone blank.

But The Green Green Grass is a follow-up

to Only Fools And Horses, I'm pretty sure,

and I'm thinking the actor that played Trigger.

Do you remember what he was called? Cos he's got a daughter who's...

Davies. Was it something Davies?

-Hm... Erm...

-And who else was in...?

Think of who was in Only Fools And Horses -

maybe it might help.

-OK, there was Nicholas Lyndhurst.

-Nicholas Lyndhurst. Worth a try.

I can't remember him being in it.

Erm... Oh, did you ever watch,

did you watch the one before Ashes To Ashes, Life On Mars?

-John Simms.

-Yeah.

-He was in Life On Mars -

maybe he came into Ashes To Ashes - who knows.

-Shall we go for John Simms?

-Ten seconds left.

-Maybe go for John Barrymore...

-Yeah. OK, John Barry...

Barrowman, isn't it?

-No, Barrymore.

-Barrowman, yeah.

-John Barrowman.

-OK, that's your time up, I'm afraid.

-OK.

-Yes, that was quite a tough category, that one, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

Let's have your three, your three answers.

-OK, we're going for John Barrowman.

-John Barrowman.

-Yeah.

-OK. From...?

-From Torchwood, sorry.

-Torchwood, John Barrowman.

Ashes To Ashes... Was it John Simms?

Yeah, we're going to go for John Simms.

-I think he was in the one before.

-John Simms, OK.

-And The Green Green Grass Of Home...

-Nicholas Lyndhurst?

-Yeah, Nicholas Lyndhurst.

-Nicholas Lyndhurst. OK.

Of those, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-THEY CHUCKLE

-None of them.

-None of them.

-Maybe...

-John Simms.

-..John Simms.

-John Simms.

Least likely to be Pointless?

John Barrowman.

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order then,

and here they are.

We've got John Barrowman, we've got Nicholas Lyndhurst,

and we've got John Simms.

-Well, very best of luck.

-Thank you.

That was a tough category there for you, I fear,

but you never know, you never know.

Peoples have sometimes landed on

correct - and even pointless - answers by accident.

Let's say that were to happen now,

what would you do with your share of the winnings, Nancy?

I think I'd probably spend it on my daughter.

We've just moved, and she's got her own room now,

so I'd like to buy some things for her room -

maybe some of those big floor cushions.

-She's a bit of an acrobat, so maybe some stuff for her.

-Perfect.

Alfred, how about you?

I'd like to put it towards a trip to Nashville in Tennessee.

Excellent. Very good indeed. Well, fingers crossed.

One of these answers might win that jackpot for you. Let's see.

Is it going to be your first answer, John Barrowman?

In this case, we were looking for members of the cast of Torchwood.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said John Barrowman.

If it's pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

Well, it's right.

Probably not that surprising.

But let's see how far down the column

we get with John...

47. There we are.

-At least we were right, yeah.

-APPLAUSE

There we are. Not a pointless answer,

which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Next answer was Nicholas Lyndhurst.

We were looking for cast members of The Green Green Grass.

If it's pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

Let's see how many people said Nicholas Lyndhurst.

Ooh. Bad luck.

Not in The Green Green Grass,

which means you only have one more shot at today's jackpot.

And your last answer is John Simms.

In this case, we were looking for cast members of Ashes To Ashes.

If John Simms is right and if it is pointless,

you will leave you with £1,000.

How many people said John Simms?

Oh, bad luck. I'm sorry.

APPLAUSE

A really tough category for you, that one.

But you came up with three...possible answers, anyway.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £1,000 -

that rolls over on to the next show. But it's been great having you,

and you get a Pointless trophy each for your trouble, so there we are.

-Thanks very much, Nancy and Alfred.

-Thank you.

Yeah, it's unlucky. It was John Simm,

but he wasn't in it anyway, John Simm,

so the point is moot, I think.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

For Torchwood, you could've had Bill Pullman,

would've been a pointless answer. Gareth David-Lloyd.

You could've had Lauren Ambrose, Naoko Mori.

Everyone was pointless apart from John Barrowman, Eve Myles,

Burn Gorman, Peter Capaldi and Kai Owen.

Well done if you said anybody else from that cast.

Let's take a look at Ashes To Ashes.

Adrian Dunbar was a pointless answer.

Joseph Long, Montserrat Lombard, Stephen Campbell Moore.

Again, everyone apart from Philip Glenister,

Keeley Hawes, Marshall Lancaster and Dean Andrews.

Everybody else was a pointless answer,

anyone who's in five or more of those.

And Green Green Grass...

You could've had Alan David, Ella Kenion,

Ivan Kaye, Peter Heppelthwaite.

Everyone in that apart from John Challis,

who's obviously Boycie,

Jack Doolan and Sue Holderness, who plays Marlene.

Those were the only answers that scored any points.

Nicholas Lyndhurst was in it in a brief bit of archive,

as was Roger Lloyd-Pack,

-but certainly not in five episodes.

-OK.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Nancy and Alfred,

but it's been fantastic having you.

Great performance across the show. Thank you so much for playing.

Nancy and Alfred. APPLAUSE

Well, Nancy and Alfred didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show,

when we'll be playing for £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us next to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.