Episode 48 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show that makes big winners out of the lowest scorers.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hello there, my name's Sue, this is my husband Ralph, we're from York.

Couple number two.

Hi, I'm Chris, this is my friend Illy,

and we're work colleagues from Blackpool.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, my name's Joanna,

and this is my daughter Polly, and we're from Birmingham.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Alistair, this is my sister Lucy,

and we are from South East London.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Well, thank you very much indeed. A very warm welcome to you all.

We will get to chat to each of you throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Angling for his own superhero movie spin-off,

but apparently, pedantry isn't a proper power.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody.

APPLAUSE

-Did you say "ped-antry"?

-Pedantry.

It's pee-dantry. Goodness me.

LAUGHTER

Er, if I was a superhero, I'd be called Os-Man.

Yeah, good. Os-Man.

And you can be Arm Strong.

AUDIENCE GROAN

It already sounds like a superhero name, doesn't it? Wait a minute!

LAUGHTER

It sounds to me like the box office is not going too well

-for Os-Man and Arm Strong.

-I don't know.

Goodness me. Now, we've got only one returning pair

from our last show, and we didn't see enough of them.

It's Chris and Illy on podium two. They're very entertaining,

but got knocked out, unluckily, in Round One. I say unluckily.

They got a wrong answer, but it's kind of unlucky.

I can see where the wrong answer came from, Illy.

Round One, it's not going to be everybody's cup of tea.

Perfect for some people, damage limitation for others,

-I would suggest.

-OK, not everyone's cup of tea.

Well, Nancy and Alfred - let's just cheer ourselves up -

didn't win the jackpot, very sad for Nancy and Alfred, but quite exciting.

It means we add another £1,000 to that, so today's jackpot is,

it's swelling slightly, we have a jackpot of £2,000.

Look at that. APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

There's only one rule you have to remember,

and it is this - the pair with the highest score at the end of each

round will be eliminated, so do what you can not to be that pair.

OK, our first category this afternoon is...

THEY LAUGH

There we are, everyone's cup of tea, football.

Podium two seem very happy with that.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second,

and whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what that question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

2014-2015 Champions League teams.

That's not so bad, a sort of geography question, isn't it?

-Not really.

-LAUGHTER

We are looking for the name of any clubs who qualified

for the last 32 of the 2014-2015 Champions League, please.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Sue, welcome. You're from York.

-Thank you.

-What do you do, Sue?

-I'm retired now.

I retired eight years ago. I was a marketing manager in a university.

-At the University of York?

-Yes, yes.

University of York out there, so people knew it was there and knew to apply?

My particular speciality was health sciences,

so we were recruiting people to work as nurses and mid...

-to train as nurses and midwives.

-Up at York, very good.

And you've been retired eight years. What have you been doing with your retirement?

Since then, I've done a PhD and written a book.

Yeah, OK, you haven't really done that much then, have you(?)

Just a different kind of work, I suppose. But fun. What's your book on?

Well, it's based on the research, which is railway history. York's a good place to study that.

It's a great place for railway history, absolutely.

Railway history and Vikings, two things you can find in York.

OK, now, Sue...

Football. Champions League Teams, 2014-15.

This isn't brilliant for me, but we are Sunderland supporters,

but unfortunately they weren't in the Champions League.

-I'm going to go for Feyenoord.

-Feyenoord.

OK, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it if it is...

Oh, I'm sorry, Sue. Do you know what, I bet it's not

the last of those we see this round, but I'm afraid it is 100 points.

Sorry, Sue. I tell you what, it's an admirably impressive wrong answer.

It's a very specific wrong answer, Feyenoord, you know,

they have played many, many times in Europe, Feyenoord,

but not in this, I'm afraid.

Thanks very much indeed. So, Chris. Welcome back.

-We discovered last time you're a train driver.

-I am, yes.

Which is just too exciting for words. How long have you been driving?

I've been driving just over three years now.

OK, were you on the services before that?

Yes, I was in the same job as Illy, so beforehand I was a conductor.

Have you always wanted to go up to the front of the train?

Yeah, to be fair, there's where I wanted to be.

-It's a good place to be.

-Oh, isn't it? It's a fantastic place to be.

Right, what would you like to go for, Chris? Champions League 2014-15.

Well, yeah, I've got a couple of options.

One sticks out because, if I remember rightly, there was some

interesting history behind where they had to play their games,

-so I'm going to go Shakhtar Donetsk.

-Shakhtar Donetsk.

Shakhtar Donetsk.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is right, Chris.

I think that's a very good answer.

4, very well done indeed, Chris.

APPLAUSE

I think Round Two beckons.

Yeah, reached the last 16, Shakhtar Donetsk. Very well played.

Thank you, Richard. Now, then, Joanna. Welcome here from Birmingham.

-What do you do, Joanna?

-I'm a clinical nurse specialist.

And what kind of specialism?

I work with ladies who are newly diagnosed with breast cancer.

-OK, and how long have you done that?

-Erm, about 15 years.

Right, I see, and what are your interests outside medicine?

Well, I do like gardening, I like interior design,

I do quite like to do a little bit of running.

Now, when you say interior design, does that mean your own house

or have you been entrusted with the interiors of others?

-Oh, no, my own house.

-I see, OK.

-Very good. Do you feel a room is ever finished, or do you...?

-No.

-No, you're always working.

-Always primping and preening.

-A work in progress. Very good.

Now, Joanna, what would you like to go for?

Yes, I'm just going to say Bayern Munich.

Bayern Munich, says Joanna.

Bayern Munich. Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Perfectly respectable answer there, Joanna, very well done indeed.

Bayern Munich, down it goes.

29.

APPLAUSE

That'll do.

Yeah, just semifinalists, that year, Bayern Munich. They're from Munich.

Oh, I see. LAUGHTER

-That's where the name comes from.

-Right. Yes. Yes.

They moved. They were originally called Bayern Wolverhampton.

LAUGHTER

-And then moved to Munich.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

-OK, now, Lucy, a warm welcome to you, from London.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Lucy?

-Erm, I work in research and brand strategy.

You're a sort of independent agency, are you?

Yeah, I work in a small agency in Soho. We do qualitative...

well, I do qualitative research, so focus groups, interviews,

-that sort of thing.

-Questionnaires and things like that?

Well, because it's qualitative, it's more discursive,

so it's more like having a group of people and getting them

to all discuss something and feed off each other.

It's a lot of coffee, isn't it? A lot of sitting around with some coffee.

-Yeah, it's quite relaxed.

-Coffee and pastries.

-Yeah.

-Very nice.

Lucy. Champions League Teams.

I'm not sure what the Champions League is,

so I'm guessing it's European football teams,

-so I'm going to guess Inter Milan.

-Inter Milan.

Inter Milan, says Lucy.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said it if it is.

Oh, bad luck. Bad luck, Lucy.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer as well, scores you 100 points,

but you are in very good company here.

And your working-out was perfect, because it is what it is and they

are perennial qualifiers as well, but not 2014-2015, I'm afraid.

-Good wrong guess, though.

-Yeah, a good wrong guess.

Thank you. We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

4, Chris. Got to be pleased with that.

Chris and Illy looking very strong, invincible, even,

I'd say, at this point.

Then up to 29, Joanna and Polly,

looking none too shabby there either,

and then we go up to the 100,

where we find Lucy and Alistair,

Sue and Ralph..

So, yes, Alistair and Ralph, it is between the pair of you

for who's going to be staying with us

and who will be leaving, so best of luck.

We'll come back down the line now. Can the second players please step up to the podium?

So, now, Alistair, a very warm welcome to Pointless to you.

-What do you do, Alistair?

-I'm an actor.

What acting are you doing?

-Any work that you can get.

-Yep.

It's hard to come by, sometimes.

-Famously.

-Right now I'm kind of doing some theatre shows,

-kind of as and when, really.

-Are you attached to a theatre company?

I am, I am. I run my own theatre company called Gruff.

-You write all your own shows?

-Right now we're working with another theatre company.

-We're developing a project together.

-I see.

That's a brilliant thing to do, starting your own company.

Gets things going, means you're all busy doing stuff,

you've got lots of stuff to invite people to. Best of luck to you.

Now, you're on 100 points. We need, we need a low scorer,

otherwise we have to say goodbye to you.

Yeah, OK, I'm probably going a bit riskier than I thought

I probably should, so I will go with FC Basel.

-FC Basel.

-Yes.

FC Basel. Well, no red line for you,

as obviously you're joint high-scorers,

but let's see how far down the column you get with FC Basel.

Good luck.

It's right.

Oh, it's a good answer.

Alistair, it's a great answer.

Look at that, 4, you equal our low score from Chris.

APPLAUSE

104 to the Gruff lad over there.

And if you ever want an acting masterclass on how to look

crestfallen, I would say look at Ralph's face as that...

LAUGHTER

..as that podium started coming down.

Yes, Swiss team, got knocked out in the last 16, Basel.

Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Polly, a warm welcome to you.

-Hello.

-What do you do, Polly?

-I'm a classics student at Exeter University.

-Which year are you in?

-First year.

-First year. How has it gone?

-I'm loving it.

It's been amazing. Really enjoying it.

-Is it everything you hoped it would be and more?

-Yes.

-How's the course?

Really interesting. Get to do a bit of everything,

so I do a little bit of ancient language, a little bit of

modern language, and some literature,

-and a little bit of history as well.

-Very good.

What are your interests when you're not hard at work,

-as I'm sure you are much of the time?

-Yes, I know!

Working hard or hardly working.

Erm, I've recently started brewing my own beer,

-which has been quite nice.

-See, there we are.

That's... There's a hobby. You see, there's a hobby.

All this sport and stuff. Did you buy it in a kit form?

-Yes.

-Yes.

My dad's quite into it, so he's got me into it.

That's quite good, so you've got his expertise.

-His expertise and also his purse.

-Is it nice?

I mean, I have drunk some home-brew that's just tasted very much

-home-brewed.

-I really enjoy it. I quite like it.

My flatmates are less convinced, but...

-That's fine, it means no-one else will nick it. That's great.

-Exactly.

OK, now, Polly, you are on 29.

The high-scorers at the moment are behind you,

Alistair and Lucy on 104. 74 or less gets you through.

Yeah.

I've got flatmates at home that are screaming at me

because they know that I won't know anything about this,

so I'm going to go with their team and say Tottenham Hotspur.

Tottenham Hotspur, says Polly. OK, here's your red line.

If you get below that red line with Tottenham Hotspur,

you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said Tottenham Hotspur.

Ooh! Polly, I'm so sorry.

That's an incorrect answer.

129 is your total.

That's thrown a lifeline to Ralph there on podium one.

He greeted that with a poker face as well, Ralph.

That was very impressive, I have to say.

Yes, all your friends are Spurs fans and

they would like the fact that you mentioned them, but then

they'll be going, "You thought WE were in the Champions League?"

LAUGHTER

-Poor old Spurs.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

-Now then, Illy, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us what you do.

I'm a conductor for the same company that Chris works for.

Very exciting.

"Tickets, please," and clicking tickets, is that it?

-And getting you safely from your...

-I beg your pardon.

-Yeah, safety first.

-Now sometimes...

Safety first, thank you for putting me right on that.

Sometimes, the conductor on my train line

just gets a biro and just goes...

hands back the ticket.

You used to get the little number, maybe a 2 or something.

What people do is when you stamp the tickets, they rub it off.

RICHARD GASPS

-And then re-use the tickets.

-Oh, really?

So this is why we use pens now, marker pens and Biros.

I see. I see. Well, I've just learned a bit of train lore, there.

OK, now then, Illy, the moment has come. Your moment of glory.

Can we get lower than Chris?

Probably not, but I'm going to go for Paris Saint-Germain.

Paris Saint-Germain, says Illy.

No red line for you.

Let's see how far down the column we get with Paris Saint-Germain.

It's right.

Question is, can you beat the 4, though?

Oh, 27. Not bad at all, though, Illy.

APPLAUSE 27 takes you up to 31.

Lowest total of the round.

Yeah, got knocked out in the quarterfinals, PSG,

but safely through to the next round. Well played.

Thanks very much, Richard.

OK, now then, Ralph, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

It's lovely to have you here.

What keeps you busy up in York, Ralph?

I have an allotment and I cycle, and when I retired, I did an MA.

So I haven't been as busy as my wife.

But right back into academia there.

But the allotment, that sounds nice. How long have you had your allotment?

-Eight years now.

-Eight years, and what do you grow on it?

Lettuces, leeks, potatoes...

-Don't tend to have much luck with parsnips and carrots.

-Oh, really?

Why, bugs getting underground into the soil?

It's ideal soil, but they just don't seem to want to grow.

But do you find that from spring till autumn,

-you're kept pretty much in full supply?

-Yes, yes.

-See, that's good, isn't it?

-It is.

-Very satisfying.

-It's cheaper than the gym.

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

Right, Ralph, the moment of truth is on us. 28 or less.

You are comfortable with this as a category, Ralph?

-Reasonably, but I feel I've really got to have a go.

-Yeah.

So I'm going to say Copenhagen FC.

Copenhagen FC.

OK, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Here is your red line.

I'd like it to be higher, but there we are.

Bad luck, Ralph, I'm sorry. That scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 200.

Oh-ho, Polly and Joanna...

secretly rather relieved there. Or perhaps not so secretly.

Anyway, I'm sorry, Ralph.

That is a really unfortunate 200 as well, I have to say,

they got knocked out in the qualifying rounds, FC Copenhagen.

Both very good answers on that podium, so very unlucky.

I'll give you the answers that would have seen you through.

So, everything that got less than 4.

You would have got 2 points for Roma or Benfica,

1 for CSKA Moscow, 1 for Zenit St Petersburg,

1 for Bayer Leverkusen, Schalke and Olympiakos,

and here are the pointless answers.

Very well done if you got any of these.

Anderlecht from Belgium, APOEL from Cyprus,

Spanish club Athletic Bilbao, BATE Borisov,

Malmo from Sweden, Maribor from Slovenia...

-and Sporting Lisbon.

-Thanks, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home,

with their high score of 200, I am so sorry, Ralph and Sue.

We landed you right in football on your first touch with Pointless.

We will see you again next time, when I have absolutely no doubt

you will soar through to the head-to-head and beyond.

But meantime, thanks very much for playing, Ralph and Sue.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.

Ooh, and look at that, we are suddenly down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we will be down to two pairs,

so one of the pairs will have to leave.

Best of luck to all three pairs,

our category for Round Three today is famous people.

Can you all decide in your pairs,

who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

-Richard.

-On each board, we are going to show you six birth names

of people who are better known by a pseudonym.

Can you give us that pseudonym, please?

12 in all to have a go at home, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. Let's reveal our first board of six birth names.

Chris, it's over to you. How do you like our pseudonymous board?

Not too great, to be fair.

There is a couple I think I know, but I will go for the top one

because I am sure, and I will go George Orwell.

George Orwell, says Chris.

Let's see how many of our 100 people agree with George Orwell.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

42 for George Orwell.

Yeah, they say he took his surname from the River Orwell,

which is near Ipswich.

Mmm. Interesting. Now, Polly...

-George Orwell was the only one I knew.

-Ah.

But I am pretty sure Priscilla White is Cilla Black.

That'd be good. Let's find out. Cilla Black, is that right?

It's absolutely right. Well, 42 was what George Orwell scored.

Cilla Black is 51.

Not bad.

Yeah, and that was an accidental name change,

she was incorrectly referred to as Cilla Black

in the Mersey Beat newspaper and the name just stuck.

There we go. Now, Lucy...

that board is all yours, you want to talk us through it?

No, I don't know any of them, I don't think.

But I'm going to guess the second one down, Andy Warhol.

Just because that sounds like a made-up name.

Andy Warhol, says Lucy. Let's see if that is right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Andy Warhol.

-Sorry.

-That is a very, very good guess, Lucy.

But I'm afraid it is incorrect, it scores you 100 points.

Another good wrong answer.

-Andy Warhol is a made-up name, but this is Man Ray.

-Ah.

Of course, of course.

That would have scored you 2 points.

-Spy Who Came in from the cold?

-John le Carre.

-John le Carre.

Would have scored you 11. The American outlaw?

Butch Cassidy? I'll take a punt on it.

-It is.

-Yes!

-4 points for that. And the Bucks Fizz singer...

-Is Cheryl Baker.

-Yep.

And that would have scored you 25.

Thank you very much indeed. Well, we are halfway through the round,

let's take a look at the scores. Chris and Illy,

our low-scorers for the second time. 42.

Then up to 51, where we find Polly and Joanna - not bad.

And then up to 100, I'm sorry, Lucy, a very good guess,

but wrong in the event.

But, Alistair, when you get that new board,

you have got to find a really, really, really obscure answer

and hope that it is enough to keep you in the game.

We are going to come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more birth names and clues on the board.

-Alistair...

-Mmm.

Yes, it is not as nice a board as I have would have liked to have

-turned round for you, Alistair. I'm sorry.

-No.

-I'm just going to have a guess.

-Mm-hmm.

And I will say the knighted singer-songwriter is going to be,

I don't know, Stevie Wonder.

Sir Stevie Wonder, right you are, OK.

No red line for you, as you are the high-scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 said Stevie Wonder.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer, Alistair,

scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 200.

Yeah, I'm going to say that is a less good 200

than we saw in the first round.

Yeah, he was Stevland Judkins, Stevie Wonder.

-Stevland?

-Stevland.

-That's great.

Now, Joanna, listen, there is a big safety net beneath you now.

In that you are already through to the head-to-head, even if

you score 100 - but you won't!

I think I know three. One I think I know very well,

so I am going to have a bit of a risky guess maybe,

but I think it's right,

I think Cracker and Harry Potter actor is Robbie Coltrane.

Robbie Coltrane.

No red line, you are already through. How many people said Robbie Coltrane?

25, bad not at all. 76 is your total.

Well played, Joanna, took the name Coltrane

because of his love of jazz.

There we go. Thanks, Richard. Now, Illy...

again, you are through to the head-to-head,

which is spectacular news. Do you fancy talking us through

that board and seeing how many of them you care to name?

The top one is Pele.

The second one is Max Factor,

and the third one I'm going to go for is Sir Elton John.

Sir Elton John, OK.

No red line, you are already through, how many people said Elton John?

It's right.

47, not bad. 89 is your total,

through you go.

Well played, Illy.

It's actually the biggest score of the ones you knew, that one.

You're right about Pele, Edson Arantes do Nascimento,

would have scored you 27.

That Max Factor might be one of my favourite things

I've ever seen on Pointless.

That Max Factor's real name was Maksymilian Faktorowicz.

-Which is what you would make up.

-Exactly.

-Isn't that brilliant?

Would have scored 10 points.

The 1985 world chess champion is...

-BOTH:

-..Garry Kasparov.

-17 points for that.

The best answer on the board is the welterweight bare-knuckle boxer,

but often fought heavyweights as well,

and he was Kid McCoy.

2 points for that, very well done if you said that.

Thank you very much.

OK, so at the end of our second round, Alistair and Lucy,

I am afraid you are the pair we send home,

our latest members of the 200 Club.

The wheels just came off, Alistair, I thought for a minute

you might have said, you MIGHT have said Elton John.

Max Factor, was that not shouting out at you?

Well, lots of them did, and then my brain stopped.

I know what it's like.

We are going to see you next time, we look forward to that

very much indeed, I'm sure you will be much better.

But meantime, thank you very much, Alistair and Lucy.

But for Joanna and Polly, Chris and Illy,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, hats off to you, Chris and Illy, Joanna and Polly,

you are now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which, let's not forget, stands at...

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

-Mm-hmm.

Well, you know the story here, you are allowed to start playing

as teams, and the first pair to win two questions

plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard.

-We are going to show you five pictures

now of Brad Pitt in different roles from different films.

We need you to name the film, please. Very best of luck.

OK, thanks, Richard.

Let's reveal our five Brad Pitt films, and here they are. We have...

There you go, five Brad Pitt films.

Chris and Illy, you have been our low-scorers, so you get to go first.

Well, I think I know one of them,

-but I am not sure.

-Mm-hmm.

We know another one that we are pretty sure on.

I'm going to say D and Fight Club.

D, Fight Club.

OK, now, Joanna and Polly...

talk us through that board.

Well, we literally have no idea.

Shall we go with B?

I think, I don't know, B might be The Beach, but I don't know.

C we think might be a Twilight film.

SHE LAUGHS

And E, I think, I vaguely know, but I can't think what it is.

So I think we will just have to go B.

The Beach.

B, The Beach. OK. So, we have Fight Club for D

from Chris and Illy.

Let's see if D is Fight Club,

let's see how many people said that if it is.

-No.

-God.

-C.

Joanna and Polly only have to be right

when they say that B is The Beach. Are they?

No. Which means...

LAUGHING: ..after...

Oh, Brad, I hope you're not watching.

-Which means, after one question, it is 0-0. Exciting.

-That went well.

Might be the first show ever where we have had 200 Club in Round One,

Round Two and the head-to-head.

Let's go through all of these.

A is Thelma and Louise.

B is a pointless answer.

It is True Romance.

-Excellent film.

-Well done if you said that.

C is Interview With the Vampire.

Now, D is not Fight Club.

-It's Snatch.

-Snatch is the answer.

Terrible Irish accent, do you remember?

And you don't recognise E at all, gents?

-Erm, Thelma and Louise.

-No, it's Fight Club.

LAUGHTER

There we go. Good. Here is your second question.

Someone is going to have to win it to get through to the final,

so best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

..years ending "ooh". No, years ending 00.

Yeah, we are going to give you a series of clues now to years

ending with 00. We just need you to tell us the year, please.

OK, let's review our five clues.

OK, there we are. Joanna and Polly will go first this time.

(1600? It's going to be really embarrassing if...

-(Shall we go for the composers?

-Don't you know Pope Leo III?

-No.)

We are not 100%, but we think the top one might be 1600.

1600, says Joanna and Polly. OK. Chris and Illy...

Yeah, this could be fun.

THEY LAUGH

-This could be endless.

-This could be endless. We're not sure.

1800 for the composers.

You're going to go 1800 for Vivaldi, Handel and Bach.

Right, so we have 1600 and we have 1800. In the order they were given.

Joanna and Polly said 1600, let's see if it's right.

No.

Chris and Illy have gone 1800, let's see if it's right.

No, no.

This is good, very exciting. After two questions it is 0-0.

-Goodness me.

-Wow.

Yeah, it wasn't 1600, it wasn't 1800, it was 1700.

Would have scored 18 points.

The United Nations has only been in existence for one year

that has 00 in it - 2000.

And the next answer down is 800, very well done

if you got that, best answer on the board.

The USA one, of course, is 1800.

And Richard II, do you know that? 1200?

It's 1400.

OK, right, here comes your third question.

Best of luck to both pairs. Our third question today concerns...

AUDIENCE MEMBER LAUGHS

Surely we can get one of these right. Richard.

We're going to show you know five ingredients from that recipe.

We have missed out some of the words,

you need to fill in the words we have missed out, please.

When I say "please", I mean PLEASE.

LAUGHTER

Let's reveal our ingredients. Here we go.

I seem to think it was Chris and Illy going first this time.

-We don't know any of these. No - that is a joke.

-Good.

RICHARD LAUGHS

I'm just going to go for 90g of butter.

90g of butter, say Chris and Illy.

Now then, Joanna and Polly, the rest of the board is all yours,

talk us through it.

1-1.5 kilos of potatoes

and then 150ml of dry white wine.

And then one tablespoon of grated Parmesan.

-We'll go for Parmesan.

-You're going to go for Parmesan.

OK, so we have butter and we have Parmesan.

Chris and Illy said butter, let's see how many of our 100 said butter.

It's right. I'd forgotten what that column sounded like! There we go.

Butter gets you 31.

Joanna and Polly, meanwhile, have gone for grated Parmesan.

Let's see if that is right, let's see how many people said Parmesan.

It's right.

It's got to...

Ooh, no, 60.

There we are. An early lead for Chris and Illy.

After three questions it is 1-0 to you.

Yeah, you would have won the point with dry white wine actually,

because it would have only scored you 23 points.

Biggest score of all, the one at the top there, potatoes.

And the best answer, with 8 points, you know that one?

-No.

-Difficult, isn't it? It's tomato concentrate.

-Ah, very good.

-Didn't know there was such a thing.

-Thank you very much indeed.

OK, here comes your fourth question.

CONTESTANTS LAUGH

Joanne and Polly, you get to answer it first, but you have to win it.

It concerns...

Going to give you a series of clues now about all sorts of things

related to art, all of the answers begin with the letter A.

-Can you give us the most obscure?

-OK, let's reveal our five clues.

..the first name of the famous pop artist Warhol -

making a second appearance on the show...

Joanna and Polly, we come to you first.

THEY WHISPER

Eh, we are going to go for the fruit

which obscures the bowler hat - apple.

Apple, say Joanna and Polly. Now, Chris and Illy,

talk us through that board.

-Top one...

-Yeah, we're not sure on the top one

and we don't know the bottom one.

The other two, we know one of them,

we're going to take a guess at the other one.

The birth country of the artist Gustav Klimt is Austria.

Austria, say Chris and Illy.

So we have apple and we have Austria.

Joanna and Polly said apple, let's see if it's right

and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

52 for apple.

Now, Chris and Illy have gone for Austria,

the birthplace of Gustav Klimt, let's see if that's right.

It's right.

And it wins it for you, very well done indeed, 43.

Very well done.

We got there in the end, Chris and Illy,

after four questions, you are through to the final. 2-0.

Yeah, let's take a look at these. Do you know the photographer?

It's Ansel Adams.

You did well to avoid Andy Warhol.

And one of the most famous paintings of the 20th century, I would say.

-It's called American Gothic.

-That is exactly what it is called.

Ansel Adams, the best answer on that board.

Thank you very much.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

Joanna and Polly.

Well, you have gone into Pointless history,

always a good thing to do, I think, for whatever reason.

That is the longest head-to-head round ever played.

And the fewest points ever scored in two questions. So, that was fun.

But the good news is, we get to see you again next time,

when, who knows, maybe you will make it to the golden couple

and make it through to the final.

But meantime, thanks very much indeed, Joanna and Polly.

Well done.

Right, for Chris and Illy, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, very well done indeed, Chris and Illy,

you have seen off all the competition - eventually -

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and just because we might have forgotten, it is standing at...

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Now, that is a decent jackpot. I slightly feel you have earned it.

We've all earned it, to be honest, but, yes,

that was an attritional head-to-head.

What would you like to see come up in this last round?

-What do you think?

-Something that we know.

LAUGHTER

-There we go.

-Can't see anything else.

Anything about the rail network in the North of England would be good.

Do you know what, it has been known to come up.

-Wouldn't that be brilliant?

-Yes.

-Slightly jammy. But yeah, brilliant.

OK, let's see what today's choices look like. We have got...

Genealogy of the royal family - no.

-Cats...no.

-'67.

-Yeah.

-The year 1967, please.

-1967 it is. Richard.

OK, very, very best of luck, gents.

Three very different questions here, I hope one of them suits you.

We are looking for the name of any Formula 1 driver who scored

a point in any race in the 1967 F1 season,

so anyone who finished in the top six

and scored a point in that season.

We are looking for any cast member from the Bond movie

You Only Live Twice according to IMDB.

We are looking for any of the tracks on the original release

of The Beatles' Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band,

apart from the title track, of course.

So, Formula 1 points-scoring drivers,

the cast of You Only Live Twice,

and songs on Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

OK. Well, very best of luck.

As always, you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers

to win that £2,000 jackpot, just one of your answers has to be pointless.

-Are you ready? BOTH:

-Yes.

Good. Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now.

Which ones?

Formula 1 drivers I could probably list two or three,

Graham Hill, Jackie Stewart...

I can't think of anybody else from around about that era.

Yeah, probably got Graham Hill or Jackie Stewart.

You Only Live Twice, obviously you've got Sean Connery,

I'm not sure... Who played Q?

Richard...

Songs on Sgt Pepper's - Get By With a Little Help From My Friends.

-That's definitely on there.

-I honestly don't know.

I think Day In The Life is on there.

-Go with that.

-Yeah, but, it's whether...

So what we going? Jackie Stewart, Graham Hill...

-Just trying to think of any others.

-1967...

-Brabham, was he too early?

-Jackie Brabham.

-Ten seconds left.

Right, I'll go Brabham, we'll go Graham Hill

and we'll go Day In The Life.

Yeah, do that, yeah.

Right, OK.

OK, you have got your three answers and your minute is up now.

-Let's hear what you are going to go for.

-OK, we have got three.

-Formula 1 drivers, we are going to go Jack Brabham.

-Jack Brabham.

-And we'll go Graham Hill.

-Graham Hill.

And songs on Sgt Pepper's, we will go A Day In The Life.

A Day In The Life, OK. Now, of those three,

which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Day In The Life, I would have thought.

-Do you think?

-Day In The Life.

-OK, Day In The Life goes last.

Least likely to be pointless?

Probably Jack Brabham. We're not sure.

OK, let's pop those answers on the board in that order.

Well, very best of luck.

Three answers there, one of those,

at least one of those, could turn out to be pointless.

What would you do with your share of the spoils, Chris, if you won?

I think I would get some general knowledge lessons, first of all.

And then probably a holiday, to be fair. Put it towards a nice holiday.

I am a bit of a Game of Thrones fan,

so I would like to go to Dubrovnik and have a look around there.

Very good. You could go up to Iceland.

-Yeah.

-Very nice. Illy, how about you?

Same, I think I'm going to put mine towards a holiday.

The missus has always wanted to go to the Caribbean,

so I think I will put it towards that.

Very good, well, best of luck.

Three good answers there, let's hope one of those scores that jackpot.

In the first case, we were looking for 1967 Formula 1 drivers.

You have gone for Jack Brabham, probably a bit of a shot in the dark.

Let's find out. It has to be right, obviously,

but if it is pointless, it will win you £2,000.

How many people said Jack Brabham?

It's right.

Well, that is exciting at this late stage, Jack Brabham taking

us down through the thirties, if it goes to zero, you leave with £2,000.

Down we go into single figures, still going, still going,

still going - oh, 2!

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

That is a phenomenal answer. Jack Brabham, very well done indeed.

Only two people got that.

It's annoying to get that close, isn't it?

Sadly, it is only pointless answers we deal in in this last round.

Which means you only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Graham Hill,

again we are looking for Formula 1 drivers from 1967.

As you know, it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So let's see, for £2,000, how many people said Graham Hill?

It's right.

Well, Jack Brabham took us to 2,

how far down the column can Graham Hill take us?

He's going down through the twenties, into the teens, into single...

Not quite into single figures - 10.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot,

the day when you thought was probably your best shot at a pointless answer.

A Day In The Life.

In this case, we were looking for tracks from

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band,

to win that jackpot, it has to be pointless.

For £2,000, how many people said A Day In The Life?

It's right. Jack Brabham took us down to 2.

Graham Hill took us down to 10.

A Day In The Life now taking us down through the teens.

Into single figures, down it goes - oh, 6.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww.

Great show, great show.

Listen, three very good answers there.

You'd be very happy to take any of those scores in normal gameplay.

But I am afraid, in this last round, they have to be pointless.

So I am afraid you don't win our jackpot of £2,000,

that rolls over onto the next show. But what a strong performance.

And the stamina to get through that head-to-head...

apart from anything else, was impressive.

You get take home a Pointless trophy so it hasn't all been in vain.

Very well done, Chris and Illy.

APPLAUSE

Very well played, gents. Thank you so much for entertaining us as well.

Let's take a look at what you should have said,

all those pointless answers.

Formula 1 drivers...

Everyone apart from Jackie Stewart,

Graham Hill, Jim Clark, John Surtees,

Denny Hulme, Jack Brabham and Jochen Rindt,

everyone else was a pointless answer, well done if you said any.

The Bond cast. Actually, some of the regulars are pointless,

so if you know your bond regulars,

Bernard Lee, who played M,

and Lois Maxwell, Miss Moneypenny, both pointless.

Burt Kwouk, who keeps cropping up

on Pointless, doesn't he? Becoming a meme.

And Charles Gray was another regular, very well done

if you said any of those.

Sgt Pepper's, only two pointless answers,

but people who know the album would have got them, I know that.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Thanks very much, Richard. Unfortunately,

we have to say goodbye, Chris and Illy,

but it's been fabulous having you on.

-Thank you so much for playing. BOTH:

-Thank you.

Great contestants, Chris and Illy.

Well, sadly, Chris and Illy didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls onto the next show, when we will be playing for...

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it is goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it is goodbye from me - goodbye.