Episode 49 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless -

the show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you can

and you do that by coming up with the answers

no-one else could think of.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

-And couple number one.

-Hello.

My name is Ralph, this is my wife Sue,

and we're from York.

Couple number two.

Hi. I'm Lucy and this is my brother Alistair.

-We're from South East London.

-Couple number three.

Hi. I'm Barrie. This is my wife, Linda.

We're from near Slough in Berkshire.

And finally couple number four.

Hello. I'm Polly. This is my mum, Joanna. We're from Birmingham.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much, all of you,

and a very warm welcome to our newcomers.

We will be finding out more about you throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce -

the most vetiver-scented sidekick in TV history,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

-APPLAUSE

Hi, everybody. Good afternoon.

I don't think I caught that. I'm the most what?

Vetiver-scented.

-Vetiver-scented.

-Mm.

-What does that mean?

-It's a... It's a... Mm.

It's a fragrance. Mm. I'm getting it now.

A fragrance of what?

-Vetiver. It's a very refined smell.

-Well, say that then.

-It's a woody fragrance.

-Say...

-Vetiver. Vetiver.

-It's a woody fragrance?

-Mm.

-That doesn't sound great.

-Woody notes.

-All right.

-All I'm saying.

-Just say that then.

Say, "It's my Pointless friend. He's got a refined smell.

-"It's Richard,"...

-With woody notes.

-..rather than say vetiver-scented.

HE LAUGHS

Now, quite a historic show last time...

-Oh, Lord, wasn't it?

-..for a number of reasons.

Oh, it went on for as long as history.

It did go on for a long time.

There's a special place in our hearts for the 200 club on the show.

Always there is, and occasionally people join it.

Not quite as often as on the last show.

In Round One, Sue and Ralph went out, joined the 200 club

might I say, very, very unluckily.

They gave us two very good answers, just slightly off,

so they were very unfortunate to be in the 200 club.

Round Two, Lucy and Alistair left us. Also joined the 200 club.

Less unfortunately, if I might be so bold.

And then we got through to the head-to-head

and had Joanna and Polly.

Now, impossible to join the 200 club in a head-to-head, right?

-You'd have thought.

-Wrong.

First two questions, both pairs got both of them wrong.

Never seen it before ever.

Barrie and Linda, if you are ever going to win a jackpot,

now would be a pretty good day to do it.

OK, thank you very much.

Now, Chris and Illy didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we're adding another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot is really quite exciting.

It's starting off at £3,000. There we are.

APPLAUSE That's what we're playing for.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

You know this rule, but I'm just going to repeat it for fun.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

Let's not have any 200s, eh?

Remember, also no conferring till we get to the head-to-head round.

Our first category this afternoon is...

Science. Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Scientists And Their Initials. Richard.

We're going to show you the names of seven scientists on each board.

We're going to give you their surnames

and first letter of their first name.

Can you tell us what their first name is, please?

Seven on each board, 40 in all to have a go at home.

OK, so, we are looking for the first names of these scientists,

and here is our first board of seven.

We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Seven scientists lacking first names.

Now, Ralph, a warm welcome back.

Ralph, remind us what you do.

-I'm a retired librarian.

-A retired librarian.

-Yes.

But you've thrown yourself back into academe in your retirement.

I have indeed, yes. I'm doing an MA.

Yeah. What was your MA in?

English, mainly the American novel.

-I see. OK.

-Just the one?

-Several!

-The American novel, yeah. THEY LAUGH

And what other things do you like to fill your time with?

Well, we particularly enjoy looking after our three grandsons,

who are ten, eight and six.

Very good. They'll be watching right now.

Quick, tell us what their names are.

-Ben.

-Yes. Hello, Ben.

-Daniel.

-Hello, Daniel.

-Sam.

-And hello, Sam.

-Aw, Ben, Dan and Sam.

-Ben, Dan and Sam.

-That's nice.

Now, Ralph, what would you like to go for on this board?

Right.

Taking a slight chance,

but I'm going to say that Levi-Strauss is Claude.

Claude Levi-Strauss, says Ralph. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Claude.

It's right.

I think that's a very good answer, Ralph.

Look how far down you've gone there.

13. Very well done. 13.

Great start to the round and the show.

Yes, he was a social anthropologist, Claude Levi-Strauss,

and a leading exponent of structuralism.

-Thank you very much.

-Pleasure.

Vetiver-scented as well, he was.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Now, Alistair, welcome back.

-Now, you are an actor, we discovered last time.

-Mm.

-And you have set up your own theatre company.

-Yes.

Gruff Theatre Company.

If you had a role, Alistair...

I mean, are there theatrical roles or indeed screen roles

that you have your eye on that one day we will see you in?

It's always good to do, you know, quite dark,

-strange things.

-Yes.

So, anything like goblins, ghouls, creatures...

I was going to say there's a Leontes in you, surely.

-Dare we go...

-No, no, no, no.

-No, OK.

-I was thinking if they'd bring back Rentaghost.

-Yes!

-Claypole. He could give his Claypole, couldn't he?

-Yes.

-Think so.

-Oh, yes.

-Be more into that, yeah.

-That'd be quite fun.

-Yeah.

-That would be fun.

Do you do comedy at all, Alistair?

Um...

-I'm guessing Gruff...

-A bit... Yeah. No, it's funny.

-..is more gruff than ha-ha.

-It's funny theatre.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-OK, it is funny.

-Funny, grotesque.

-Grotesque.

-Sort of Grand Guignol stuff.

-Yes.

-I see.

OK, now, Alistair, what would you like to go for?

I don't really know a lot about science,

so I think I'm being safe by saying Alan Turing.

Alan Turing. Alan Turing, says Alistair.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Alan.

It's right.

60.

60. You can blame Benedict Cumberbatch for that in some degree.

Isn't it interesting?

I think a few years ago

Alan Turing would've been a very low scorer on this,

and it's great that he's now got the national prominence

and the recognition he deserves for his incredible work.

Quite right. Well said.

-Linda, welcome to Pointless.

-Hi.

-Great to have you here from Slough.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Linda?

-I'm a studio coordinator.

Fix up classes for the centre I work in

and teach some classes too.

-What classes do you teach?

-I teach spinning mainly.

A bit of HIIT class as well.

Do you wear a headset when you do spinning?

-Oh, yeah.

-That's quite fun.

-You're basically a sort of DJ, aren't you?

-Oh, yeah.

It's all about just getting people...

-Oh, yeah.

-Cos it's really hard, spinning.

-No, it's only cycling.

-Oh, no, it's not only cycling.

No, it's the hardest thing I have ever done,

-that last sort of...

-That last bit of sweat.

-To wring that last bit of energy out of people.

-Oh, yeah.

When you're not doing all that, Linda,

what do you like getting up to?

Love festivals. Just been to Donnington.

Excellent.

Love heavy metal festivals and socialising,

going to rock clubs, listening to rock music.

Very good indeed. Now then, Linda, scientists.

Scientists missing their first name.

I was hoping it was going to be the periodic table,

cos for science, but not scientists.

-Yeah.

-I've got a choice of two.

Brian...Cox.

OK, Brian Cox, says Linda.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Brian Cox.

It's right. Well, 60 is our... Oh!

No, it's not. 76 is our high.

Look at that. Brian Cox.

Sir David Attenborough said,

"If I had a torch, I would pass it to Brian Cox."

-Aw.

-Yeah. He was in a cave.

-LAUGHTER

-Oh, yeah. Yeah.

-With his hands full.

-Aw, that's nice.

And Brian Cox was there just whistling with his hands

-in his pockets carrying nothing.

-Yeah.

And so it was actually quite a severe rebuke.

-Yeah.

-"If I had a torch, I would pass it to Brian Cox"...

because he's absolutely fuming.

So, it was one of those massive ones, like the sort of 10,000 candles.

-A big Maglite thing.

-Yeah. Oh!

-Yeah, and David Attenborough, he's not getting any younger.

-He's not.

-Brian Cox.

-Come on, Brian.

-Polly.

-Hello.

Welcome back. Now then, you were there.

You're a veteran of that campaign that we call the head-to-head.

-Yeah.

-Oh, what about that?!

-Oops.

-Yes.

Anyway, now, Polly, remind us what you do.

-I'm a student at Exeter University.

-And you're studying classics.

-Yes.

-I suppose classicists, you don't get a year out.

It's not like you can go back to ancient Rome, is it?

-No, not really.

-Get a job in a cafe.

You can, but I'm not really sure what I'd want to do.

I don't speak any Italian, so I probably wouldn't go to Rome.

So, do you speak any modern languages?

-I speak French, a little bit.

-OK.

-Yeah.

-I see.

How good is your spoken Latin?

-Top-notch.

-Excellent.

-No, only joking.

-I expected nothing less.

Do you know what vetiver-scented means in Latin?

HE LAUGHS

Strangely enough, no. No, I don't.

Now, Polly, this is your board. This is your board.

It's got your name and plenty of others written all over it.

Do you want to fill in as much is you can?

-Yeah.

-You could always have a guess at some for fun.

-You don't have to submit them.

-Albert Einstein...

I think, is a fairly good one.

I don't know.

The next one down might be Edward or something like that.

-Not a clue for the other two.

-OK.

So, I think I'm just going to have to play it safe

and go for Albert Einstein.

You're going to go for Albert Einstein.

OK, let's see if Polly is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Albert Einstein.

Ooh!

Look at that! Look at that!

-Fantastic.

-That...

I tell you what, that is being well-known, isn't it?

-99 for Albert Einstein.

-How about that?

-At least you're not going to join the 200 club again.

-Yeah!

That's the good news.

Goodness me, yeah. 99 points.

It's very rare we see a score that high for somebody.

I'm only guessing these. Eric?

Erwin Schrodinger would have scored you 4 points.

-Feynman.

-Richard?

-It is. Richard, of course.

Another person that's getting more and more famous, deservedly so.

Richard Feynman, 18 points.

-Dmitri.

-Dmitri Mendeleyev.

-It is Dmitri!

-It is, yeah. Was that a guess?

-There we go.

-Well done. 15 points for that.

He's the periodic table fella.

-Yes.

-He's the guy we have to thank for so many pointless rounds.

There we are. Thank you very much, Dmitri.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Ralph, well done, you. 13.

Absolutely exemplary play there with Claude.

Then we travel quite a way up to 60 with Alistair and Lucy,

but I would say you're looking pretty safe for the moment

cos they're on 76, Linda and Barrie,

and there on 99 we have Joanna and Polly.

So, yes, Joanna, let's have a nice low score from you.

You'll get the first dip into the next board,

so I hope you can find something low enough.

We're coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, we're going to put seven more scientists up on the board.

Here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those one last time.

-There we are. Joanna, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back.

-Now, remind us what you do, Joanna.

-I'm a clinical nurse specialist.

Indeed you are. And your interests aside from medicine, what are they?

Well, I do like gardening.

I like to do a little bit of running.

Not as much as I used to. I have done two half marathons.

When you say little bit, do you mean a little and often or...

A little and often.

-A little and often.

-But I have done two half marathons.

See, that's impressive.

Would you call it jogging or call it proper running?

No, I would call it jogging.

Or fast walking, actually, a lot of the time.

-Fast walking.

-OK.

So, what are you going to go for?

You're the high scorer, so it has to be low.

There's one I definitely know, but I think it'll be quite high

so I might go for the bottom one and say...

No, I won't. I'll go for Marie Curie.

Marie Curie, says Joanna. Marie Curie.

No red line - you're the high scorers -

but let's see how far down the column you get with Marie.

Look at that. Wow.

90.

That takes your total up to an unbeatable 189.

-Yes.

-Sorry.

That has got to be close to a record as well for two correct answers.

-Yeah, hasn't it?

-That's a very big score, Marie Curie.

First woman to win a Nobel Prize, of course.

Indeed, indeed. Thank you, Richard. Now, Barrie, a warm welcome.

-Good afternoon, Alexander.

-OK, Barrie, tell us what you do.

I'm a funeral assistant.

We've had quite a few funeral directors and assistants, haven't we?

-Yeah, we have had a few, haven't we?

-We have.

They obviously get a lot of time off.

Yeah. It's a bit of a lean spell.

-How long have you done that?

-Five months.

-Oh, I see, so quite new to it.

-Quite new to it.

And have you tried all the different spheres?

Kind of.

Obviously, limo driving, preparing,

getting people ready for chapel and services and what have you.

Right, OK.

Now, Barrie, the good news is it doesn't matter really what you score.

You'll still be in Round Two. What would you like to go for?

-I think I know four definites.

-Mm-hm.

But I'm going to go with one I'm not 100% sure on

but think it's right.

-It's Tim Berners-Lee.

-Tim Berners-Lee, says Barrie.

No red line, you're already through. Let's see how many people said Tim.

It's right.

42.

-42, taking your total up to 118.

-Well played.

There's that lovely picture of him on the internet

with the job title web developer.

LAUGHTER

Very nice.

Now, Lucy, welcome back.

And remind us what you do.

I work in research and brand strategy.

Research and brand strategy, which as I was saying last time,

just sounds fun.

-Yes.

-It sounds fun. Quite a lot of flip charts going on.

-A lot of flip charts.

-A lot of PowerPoint.

I learned how to use a flip chart properly the other day in training.

Hang on. What's the secret?

You just have to be really careful not to cut the group off

by turning your back on them, cos then you're creating a barrier.

You stand alongside it and lift like that.

-Ow! That's just done my back no end, that.

-Oh, does that hurt?

My Pointless back!

Anyway, yes, now, Lucy, what would you like to go for?

As with everybody who's left, doesn't matter what you score.

You will still make it into the next round.

-OK.

-So, you could have a bit of fun.

Maybe have a punt at one of the ones you don't know

and see if you can come up with a likely name

and maybe a lovely low score.

It might even be pointless.

OK, well, I like...

I think that David Bowie plays Tesla in a film

that we quite like, so I'm going to go...

-I think his name is Nicholas. Nicholas.

-Nicholas Tesla.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

No red line as you're already through.

Ooh!

Not Nicholas, as it turns out.

That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 160.

Yes, he is played by David Bowie in The Prestige,

but that's not quite the right name, I'm afraid.

OK.

Thanks for a much indeed. Now, Sue, welcome back.

Now, I mean, what a career you have had,

because you said you'd retired last time you were on,

but it seems you've filled your retirement with study.

You've written a book. You've done all sorts of things.

And we've done a few more as well.

-We've travelled around the world.

-What, since the last show?

You're just unstoppable, the pair of you.

What other things have you done?

We've travelled round the world with our backpacks twice

since I retired, and we've also done a fair amount of epic cycle rides.

Wow.

Although one of them was earlier,

but we cycled the end to end in France not so long ago, so...

-Those ends are quite far apart, aren't they?

-They are.

You're never going to discover that more than on the saddle of a bicycle.

On a tandem?

No, we did have a tandem a long time ago,

but I didn't like it cos I couldn't see where I was going.

That's true. You should've just asked to go in front.

LAUGHTER

So, Sue, you are through to the next round no matter what you score,

but do you think you could have a go at talking us through all of the...

Obviously, I know Charles Darwin, I know Michael Faraday.

All I can...

Is it Carl Jung?

I'm not 100% sure of that. I'm going to guess at the others.

Alfred Eddington.

And I thought it was Nicholas Tesla, so I've no idea with that one.

So, shall I go for...

-Michael Faraday?

-Michael Faraday. OK.

No red line as you're already through,

but let's see how many people said Michael Faraday

It's right.

70.

83 is your total, the lowest total of the round.

Now, let's fill in the rest of these.

We'll leave Darwin for a moment.

It's Arthur Eddington.

Arthur Eddington. It's a very good score.

It would've scored you 8 points.

Astronomer, mathematician, physicist.

It is Nikola Tesla, I'm afraid.

21 points for that.

Carl Jung, of course.

He would have scored you 46. Now, we had 99 for Einstein.

What have we got for Darwin, do you think?

Should we just see if maybe it's 100?

-Would that be brilliant?

-Let's take a little look.

Charles Darwin would have scored you 96.

-96.

-96. Einstein punching the air. Punching the air in delight.

Yeah. Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair who are heading home,

a high score of 189, Joanna and Polly, I'm afraid it is you.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I felt Pointless owed you one after that head-to-head round,

but it seems not.

-No.

-Scientists and their first names, not your strong suit.

It's been lovely having you. Thank you so much for playing.

Joanna and Polly.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so now we're down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we'll say goodbye

to another of the pairs in front of me.

I don't know who that's going to be.

Sue and Ralph, very strong performance from you.

Claude especially strong there.

And well done, Lucy and Alistair. Slightly unlucky there with Nikola,

Cos how would you know? You can't tell if there's an S on the end.

-No, especially when David Bowie is pronouncing it.

-Well, exactly.

Exactly. And Barrie and Linda, lovely to have you with us as well.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is Pop Music.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Songs with the word gold in their titles.

We are looking for the name of any UK top 40 single

up to April 2015 which has the word gold in its title.

It can be part of a longer word,

so any song with the word gold in its title.

We obviously won't accept Gold itself,

which has been a hit for a number of people.

-It has.

-But it has to be part of something else, I'm afraid.

-OK. But it can be part of a bigger word.

-It can indeed.

That is exciting. Like a little nugget in there.

-Exactly.

-There we are.

-Very good.

-OK. Thank you.

Now then, Ralph, always tough going first on these rounds.

I've got one. It's a very well-known song.

I'm just not sure about the chart aspect.

Well, if it's very well-known, surely.

Yeah, I'll go with it.

Searching For A Heart Of Gold.

Searching For A Heart Of Gold, says Ralph.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Searching For A Heart Of Gold.

It's right.

I have a hunch...

Oh! It goes down to 7.

Searching For A Heart Of Gold. That's a great answer, Ralph.

Very well done. 7.

Yeah, Searching For A Heart Of Gold is from Heart Of Gold, Neil Young.

-Very well played.

-OK, thanks very much indeed.

Now, Lucy.

Lucy, I'm finding this rather harder than I was expecting.

Yeah. Yeah, I agree.

I'm not very good at music anyway,

but I feel like there was quite a big song

that had lyrics black and gold in it,

so I'm just going to guess that.

-Black And Gold.

-Yeah.

-Black And Gold, says Lucy.

Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many people said Black And Gold.

-It's right.

-Ooh! I'm really surprised.

It's right.

11.

11 for Black And Gold.

Great answer, Lucy.

A very famous song. Sam Sparro was the artist.

Very well played.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now then, Linda.

Linda, what would you like to go for?

Uh...

I've got a couple. I don't know whether to go older, earlier.

Um...

All right, Gold Digger.

-Gold Digger.

-Kanye.

-Gold Digger, says Linda.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Gold Digger.

It's right.

Go on. Go on.

Go on.

Look at that. Not bad at all!

Best score of the round so far, in fact, Linda. 6.

That's a great answer.

Yeah, of course, Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx.

Thanks very much, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

Linda and Barrie are on 6, looking pretty good.

Ralph and Sue on 7.

Then up to 11 where we find Lucy and Alistair.

It's all very close, of course, but, Alistair, you're out in front...

for whatever reason.

We need a low score from you in the next pass, so good luck.

We're coming back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Barrie, songs with gold in their title.

Yeah, I've been racking my brains about this.

I'm struggling, but I'm going to go really old school.

I'm going to say Silence Is Golden.

Silence Is Golden, says Barrie.

OK, if you can score 4 or less, you're very comfortably through.

That's what 4 or less looks like in red line terms.

Let's see how many people said Silence Is Golden.

It's right.

Not bad at all. 10.

16 is your total.

Well played, Barrie. By The Tremeloes, of course.

Excellent. Thanks, Richard.

Now, Alistair, you have to score 4 or less.

-Cool.

-It's fine, isn't it?

That's easy. No problem.

Erm, OK, so, I'm going to go maybe a bit risky,

but I'll say Golden Skans.

-Golden Skans.

-Yeah.

There is your red line, Alistair.

It's low, but Golden Skans, if anything can, Golden Skans can.

It's right.

-It's good. Oh! Look at that! 1!

-Well done!

Very well played, Alistair!

That takes your total up to 12,

gets you comfortably into the head-to-head.

Terrific answer, Alistair.

Yeah, top 10 hit for the Klaxons in 2007.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Now then, Sue, the high-scorers are Barrie and Linda on 16.

You're on 7. We need 8 or less from you.

This isn't very good cos I can only think of two,

and I suspect they're both going to score quite highly.

I'm going to go for Fields Of Gold.

Fields Of Gold, says Sue. Fields Of Gold.

Here is your red line. It's low.

Let's see if you can get below that with Fields Of Gold.

You've done it. Look at that! 6.

XANDER LAUGHS

6. Superb there on the first podium.

Your total of 13 gets you very comfortably through.

Very well played. Number 16 hit for Sting.

Been a much more famous song since as well, Fields Of Gold.

There's quite a few pointless answers here.

Let's take a look at a few of them.

Three of my favourite bands on this first board here.

Gold Forever, which as you know, is by The Wanted.

-We love The Wanted.

-Always.

Golden Gun, which was a double A-side for Suede.

Another of my favourites.

And Golden Retriever by Super Furry Animals.

So, there you go. Three of my all-time favourites.

Goldenballs (Mr Beckham To You) by Bell & Spurling, two comics.

Good As Gold, which was The Beautiful South.

Love Is A Golden Ring, that's Frankie Laine.

Solid Gold Easy Action by T Rex.

The Golden Age Of Rock And Roll, that's Mott the Hoople.

And Pat Boone, There's A Goldmine In The Sky.

A few others you've could've had,

there's Golden Gaze by Ian Brown, Black Gold by Soul Asylum,

The Golden Ring by the Fortunes,

Working In A Goldmine by Aztec Camera.

All of those were pointless.

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

Black And Gold actually the third-biggest answer of all.

Amazingly, there's no real big scorers.

11 points for that.

Band Of Gold, 20 points.

And at the top, Goldfinger, biggest by a mile. 56 points.

Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of our second round, the pair who are heading home,

bit of a surprise sting in the tail there.

Barrie and Linda, I thought you might have been through,

but I'm afraid no.

Sue got in there with a brilliant last-minute answer.

We'll have to see you next time. We look forward to that very much.

Meantime, thanks very much. Barrie and Linda.

APPLAUSE

For our remaining two pairs, it's now time for the head-to-head.

Very well done, Sue and Ralph, Lucy and Alistair.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for that jackpot, which currently stands at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

This is the point where you start playing as teams.

The first player to win two questions goes through to that final.

Fairly straightforward.

Very satisfying to see our two returning couples

going through so well, though.

Round One for Sue and Ralph last time.

Here you are as our golden couple.

Round Two for Lucy and Alistair last time.

Here you are in the head-to-head. Richly deserved.

There have been some tense moments and some inspired answers

from each of you, so I think this should be very close indeed.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

World Politicians, Richard.

Five pictures of politicians from around the world.

Can you identify the most obscure?

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five world politicians, and here they come.

We've got...

There we are. Five world politicians.

Now, Sue and Ralph, you've been our low scorers overall,

so you will go first.

Feel free to confer.

-WHISPERS:

-Hillary Clinton. That's not Natalie Bennett, is it?

No. Would you say Hillary Clinton? No.

-Angela Merkel.

-Yes, OK.

Which one are we going to go for?

-Angela Merkel?

-Yep.

We're just going to go for one of the fairly obvious ones.

-Angela Merkel, E.

-Angela Merkel, E, say Sue and Ralph.

Angela Merkel.

Now, Lucy and Alistair, talk us through that board, if you can.

So, we think C is Hillary Clinton.

A, I think we're going to go with

because Hillary Clinton will score more than Angela Merkel.

And I don't know if it's her, because the person I'm thinking of

wears a lot of make-up, so it could be her or not,

but I think it might be Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner.

Cristina Kirchner, OK.

Right, so, we have Angela Merkel and we have Christina Kirchner.

Sue and Ralph said Angela Merkel for E.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

let's see how many people said Angela Merkel.

It's right.

47.

47 for Angela Merkel.

Now then, Lucy and Alistair have said that A is Cristina Kirchner.

Now, Sue and Ralph. Ralph, you were nodding there.

Do you think that's right?

I knew the lady's surname, but not Cristina.

OK. Right. So, yes. Let's see.

Christina Kirchner, say Lucy and Alistair. Is it right?

How many people said it if it is?

Oh, dear.

Not, as it turns out, Cristina Kirchner.

Which means well done, Sue and Ralph.

-After one question, you're up 1-0.

-Yeah, unlucky.

I think both teams thought it was Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner,

who's the head of state of Argentina.

It's not.

It's one of the many people

who ran for Republican candidacy for president.

It's Michele Bachmann.

That's a pointless answer, so very well done if you said that at home.

B, now, we saw an awful lot of her in 2015.

It's Natalie Bennett from the Green Party.

Would have scored you 22 points.

C of course is Hillary Clinton.

Big scorer, though. 83 points.

-I mean, she's no Einstein, but it's a big score.

-Mm.

-No Darwin.

-No Darwin.

-It's all relative, though, isn't it?

LAUGHTER

And D is Sonia Gandhi,

and she would've scored you 5 points.

Another very good answer.

Thank you very much, Richard.

OK, here comes your second question, and it concerns...

-British Birds, Richard.

-Yeah.

We're going to show you the names of five British birds

that all appeared on the list for a British national bird in 2015,

but we've missed out alternate letters.

Can you fill in the gaps, please?

OK. Let's reveal our five birds, and here they come.

We've got...

I'll read those all again.

Lucy and Alistair, we need you to win this one to stay in the game,

but you go first.

THEY WHISPER

-SHE SIGHS

-I don't know.

THEY WHISPER

I think go for the third one.

Yeah?

-Cos it's safe.

-OK.

-Yeah.

Yeah, we're going to go for the third one, barn owl.

Barn owl, say Lucy and Alistair. Barn owl.

Now, Sue and Ralph, can you talk us through that board?

The top is blackbird.

Second is robin.

The penultimate one is hen harrier.

And then mute swan.

-I'll go for hen harrier.

-You're going to go for hen harrier.

So, we have barn owl and we have hen harrier.

Lucy and Alistair said barn owl. Let's see if that's right.

If it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

37.

37. Now, Sue and Ralph have gone for hen harrier.

Let's see if that is right, how many people said it if it is.

It is right.

Is it going to beat 37? Yes, it is.

Very well done. 25 for hen harrier.

Which means, Sue and Ralph, after only two questions,

you're through to the final 2-0.

Very well played.

The hen harrier came ninth on the vote

to be Britain's national bird and the barn owl came second.

You're right about the bottom one, it is mute swan.

The best answer on the board, that. Would have scored you 16.

And the mute swan came seventh on the list.

The top one is blackbird.

That came third in the vote. Would have scored you 68.

Now, we've seen a lot of big scorers.

We saw Einstein on 99, we saw Darwin on 96,

-Hillary Clinton on 83.

-Mm.

Let's take a look at what robin... It won the poll.

It was first on the poll. Let's see what it scores here.

-99.

-Oh! Look at that.

-The Einstein of birds.

-As famous as Einstein.

-Yeah.

-I'll tell you who'll be jealous.

-Tell me.

-Batman.

LAUGHTER

At the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid it's Lucy and Alistair.

Oh, you've done so well. You've done so well.

Here you are in the head-to-head within touching distance

of our final round, but I'm afraid...

Might you have got mute swan?

-No.

-No.

-No way.

-No.

Well, it's been great having you on both shows.

Thank you for joining us. Thanks very much.

Great contestants - Lucy and Alistair.

APPLAUSE

But for Sue and Ralph,

it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Sue and Ralph.

You've seen off all the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy, so very well done.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

Well, you've done it. It was Round One last time.

Here you are in the final this time.

You haven't put a foot wrong at all. We haven't had any 100s from you.

You've been very disappointing in that respect.

There we were hoping to hand out new membership cards

for the 200 club.

Lovely ties and handkerchiefs and headscarves

that we've had made up in the 200 club colours,

and yeah, you haven't been troubling them.

So, here you are.

What would you like to see in this final round?

-Literature.

-Yep.

-And history.

-History.

I am a bit of an amateur bird-watcher, so...

But that's not going to come up again.

Well, you never know. It might. You never know.

In this last round, Well, you know what it's like.

You just have to deal with what's up there,

but let's hope there's something up there you like.

Today's selection reads like this.

-SHE LAUGHS

-It's top two or nothing, isn't it?

Yeah.

Do you know anything about jazz?

It's got to be the top one. I only know one jazz album.

-Oh, right.

-LAUGHTER

This is terrible for us.

We're going to have to go for Celebrity Books,

but I don't think we've read any, so...

-That's fine. You can make some up.

-Yes!

OK, you're going to go for Celebrity Books.

Good luck. Richard.

Now, a little bit of Pointless history...

-Mm.

-..about to be made.

-Yeah.

This is round about show 880, 900. Something like that.

We've been doing this a long time. A long time.

And since about show 100 on that finals board,

we've had a category up there that never got chosen,

never got chosen, never got chosen,

and it's the first one here,

so finally this first question is off our hands forever!

-Oh! Never need trouble us again.

-Never need trouble us again.

Here are your three categories, Sue and Ralph. Very best of luck.

We are looking firstly for any adult fiction or nonfiction book by...

Katie Price.

Been there for a long, long time.

Thank you so much for taking that off our hands.

So, any adult fiction or nonfiction book by Katie Price.

We're looking for any novel,

nonfiction book or autobiography, by Stephen Fry.

That's a bit easier, isn't it?

Or we're looking for any autobiography, children's book

or picture book by David Walliams.

So, any adult fiction or nonfiction by Katie Price,

any novel, nonfiction book

or autobiography by Stephen Fry,

or any autobiography,

children's book or picture book

by David Walliams.

No collections of any those, please.

Up to April 2015. Very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot - rather a nice jackpot, £3,000 -

is for just one of your answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-OK.

-Good.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-This is terrible.

-This is terrible.

We don't know any.

I've read Stephen Fry's

autobiography.

I can't remember what it was called.

We read David Walliams' book to our grandson,

and I can't remember what it's called either!

-What's it about?

-It's about the son of a millionaire.

SHE LAUGHS

I think we're going to have to give

three completely concocted answers.

-Yeah.

-Um...

Um...

You can't think of anything? No?

We're going to have to make one up.

The David Walliams one...

-My Dad's A Millionaire.

-My Dad's A Millionaire.

-Stephen Fry.

-Just do My Life twice.

Oh, what, Stephen Fry?

Do it for both of them.

-And Katie price.

-Yeah.

-Ten seconds left.

-Stephen Fry...

I know he'd have come up with

something better than that, but...

-Can't think of anything else.

-Yeah.

OK, I'm afraid the minute

has wound up at that point.

I now need your three answers. I'm so sorry.

It's always tough when you have to make something up.

You should ask these guys.

They had to write them. THEY LAUGH

What are you going to give me?

-My Dad's A Millionaire...

-My Dad's A Millionaire.

-..for David Walliams.

-David Walliams, yeah.

-Can we do the same title twice?

I don't see why not.

So, what we would like is to do is My Life

for both Katie Price and Stephen Fry.

My Life, Katie Price. My Life, Stephen Fry.

OK, of those three...

Do you want to put those in order? Which would you like to put last?

-Shall we put David Walliams last?

-Yes.

-Yeah.

My Dad's A Millionaire goes last.

Which of the My Lifes should we have first? Stephen Fry?

-Stephen Fry.

-OK, Stephen Fry first and then Katie Price in the middle.

OK, well, let's pop those answers up on the board in that order,

and here they are.

We've got My Life, My Life, My Dad's A Millionaire.

LAUGHTER

You could make a song out of that, surely.

Very best of luck.

Now, let's just imagine a world

in which one of those turns out to be correct and pointless,

what would you do with your winnings, Sue?

I suspect we'd both do the same thing.

We'd like to do more travelling.

More European stuff, actually.

Very good. Ralph, anything you want to add to that?

I'd particularly like to visit the Azores.

Marvellous birds and whales.

Excellent. OK, well, very best of luck.

You might need it, but let's see. THEY LAUGH

Your first answer was My Life.

In this case we were looking for books by Katie Price.

Let's find out. Obviously, it has to be correct.

Then it has to be pointless.

Has to be both of those things for you to win 3,000.

But how many people said My Life for Katie Price?

Oh! I'm afraid not.

Unfortunately, not a correct answer.

We're down to your last two. My Life, this time by Stephen Fry.

We were looking for Stephen Fry books.

My Life, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many people said it for £3,000.

Ooh!

Everything is now riding on your third and final answer,

the one you were most confident about, My Dad's A Millionaire.

In this case, we were looking for David Walliams books.

Has to be right... I'm just going to leave it at that.

..for £3,000. Is it?

-No.

-No.

-I'm so sorry.

It's always tough when you're confronted with three categories

you don't really know the answers to, and you did well.

That was a valiant attempt, I have to say. Well done.

Obviously, you didn't find a pointless answer,

which means you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000.

That will roll over onto the next show,

but what a strong performance from you right across the show today.

Really nice to see more of you.

Such a shame to send you home early last time.

And you both get a Pointless trophy as well, so there you are.

APPLAUSE

And we further applaud you for two things.

Firstly, tactically going for My Life, My Life - very clever.

And secondly, for ridding us of that category finally.

The longest-serving category in Pointless history

is now laid to rest.

The David Walliams book that you read to your grandson

is Billionaire Boy.

-Yes, that's it.

-Would have scored you 1 point.

Oh!

Let's take a look at some of these answers.

We'll start with Katie Price.

Been waiting a long time to say these.

There's two novels there - Angel and Sapphire.

The other two are both autobiographies -

A Whole New World and Being Jordan.

There are three other autobiographies she's written,

all pointless answers.

They were called Love, Lipstick And Lies,

Pushed To The Limit and ironically, You Only Live Once.

Let's take a look at Stephen Fry's books that were pointless.

Rescuing The Spectacled Bear,

about him doing exactly that in Peru.

Stephen Fry In America. A couple of answers people would have got here.

Definitely The Hippopotamus and his thriller The Stars' Tennis Balls.

Well done if you said either of those.

And David Walliams, all of his books for children actually

were not pointless answers.

His picture books were pointless answers,

so let's take a look.

Camp David is an autobiography,

but the other three, all picture books.

The First Hippo On The Moon,

The Queen's Orang-Utan and The Slightly Annoying Elephant.

Very well done if you got any of those at home,

and unlucky in the studio, but a valiant effort.

And also one we will forever be grateful for.

Thank you very much, and hear, hear.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you,

but we've so enjoyed having you on the show.

Thank you so much for playing. Sue and Ralph.

APPLAUSE

Well, sadly, they didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £4,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE