Episode 12 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

the better your chances of winning. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm John, this is my mother-in-law, Teresa.

We've come from Derbyshire.

Couple number two.

Hi, my name's Tim, this is Monica.

We're from Ditchling just outside Brighton.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Adam, this is my friend Marc and we're from South London.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, I'm Charmain and this is my sister Jane,

and we're also from South London.

And these are today's contestants.

A warm welcome to you all. Thank you very much indeed.

We will find out more about you throughout the show

as it goes along. That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Still sulking because we banned him from having flames, ticker tape

and pyrotechnics, it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya.

Hi, everybody.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-Are you well?

-I am extremely well, thank you.

-Excellent.

A lovely show last time. The only returning pair from that show

are Charmain and Jane on podium four.

They got through to Round Two but David

-and Anne got through to the final round.

-Yeah.

-Missed out on the jackpot.

-Yeah.

-This lot are over the moon.

-Yeah.

You can see that. So, yeah, the jackpot continues to grow.

We welcome our new players as well.

Just looking at everyone here, I think Round Two might be carnage.

LAUGHTER

OK. Thanks very much.

As you'll have gathered, David and Anne didn't win the jackpot

last time so we had another £1,000 to that.

So, today's jackpot starts off at £8,000.

APPLAUSE

The biggest jackpot we have had in recent Pointless history.

If everyone is ready, let's play Pointless.

So, all you have to remember is this - the pair

with the highest score at the end of each round will be eliminated.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category this afternoon...

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who is going to go second?

And who ever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

On each board we are going to show you seven top 40 hits

that all feature a female name in the title.

We'll give you the first and last letters of that name.

Can you tell us what it is, please?

14 in all to have a go at at home, so very best of luck.

So, we are looking for the female names that are these song titles.

Here's our first board.

I will read those all one last time.

John, a warm welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here.

-From Derbyshire.

-Yeah, we are coming down from Derbyshire.

But you are originally from Scotland.

-Yeah, I'm originally from the Borders.

-Right you are.

And what do you do up in Derbyshire?

-I am a cover supervisor at a secondary school.

-OK.

-Based at one particular school?

-Yes.

What are your hobbies when you're not doing that, John?

-I am a big rugby fan, really enjoy rugby.

-Do you play?

Erm, I did play second row until my wife is due her first baby,

so I have been needing to spend more time at home,

so I have given up rugby for the meantime.

Well, congratulations on the baby. John, what are you going to go for?

Erm...

I know a couple of them.

I will probably go for Dolly Parton, Jolene.

Jolene, says John, Jolene. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Jolene.

70 for Jolene.

APPLAUSE

Famously, it was inspired by someone at her local bank who

she thought was flirting with her husband many, many years ago.

And she said recently, which was rather lovely,

"Sometimes I look at him now,

"lying back in his reclining chair with his grey hair, snoring away,

"and I think I should ring Jolene up and say, "You should come get him.

"You can have him.""

-Thanks, Richard. Monica, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello.

Great to have you here. What do you do, Monica?

I am a stay-at-home mum at the moment.

I have got a part-time job as well

but mainly looking after the children at home.

-How many children have you got?

-I have got two.

-What are their names?

-Ethan and Emilio.

Ethan and Emilio, are you watching?

No, watch, Ethan and Emilio, don't do that! Watch your mum!

What are your hobbies, Monica?

I like reading and I like making cakes.

Mmm, lovely.

Now, Monica, what would you like to go for on this board?

Erm, I think I'm going to go with Goo Goo Dolls,

-which is Iris.

-Iris. Iris, says Monica.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Iris.

28.

APPLAUSE

Good score there, Monica.

Well played, Monica. One of those very unusual songs.

It was originally not a huge hit

and then it seemed to gain a life of its own.

That's probably how you would want it to be, slow,

-drip-feed success.

-I think so.

-I imagine they are still making money from it.

-Nice for them.

And one of those songs that you would

recognise in an instant if you played it.

Thank you, Richard. Well, my Iris recognition is...is pretty good.

Now, Marc, a warm welcome to you. Good to have you here.

What do you do, Marc?

I am a training consultant, so I help people with their customer

service skills, predominantly in the financial services industry.

Right you are. And what do you do when you're not doing that?

I also do some part-time work at Crystal Palace Football Club.

-I am a huge Eagles fan.

-What kind of work does that involve?

I work again in customer service but I also do the tours of the stadium.

-Oh, now that's fun.

-I get to show people the changing rooms,

the dug-outs and take them pitch side.

-Trophy cabinet. Oh, no, hold on.

-There is a trophy cabinet.

It is bigger than you think, believe me.

Yeah, but empty.

-And then, do you take them to the shop at the end, I suppose?

-Yeah.

-Yeah, exactly, you always end in the shop.

-Always end in the shop.

Now, Marc, what would you like to go for here?

There is a couple that I know for sure,

there's one that I'm iffy about. But...

I am going to go for the one I know.

-I'm going to go for the Kaiser Chiefs and Ruby.

-Ruby, says Marc.

Let's see how many of our 100 people agree with Marc.

Well, you've passed 70. 55 for Ruby. Not bad.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, big number one single from 2007.

My daughter is called Ruby,

it made her life a misery for quite some time.

Yes, that's true. You wouldn't really like that, would you?

No, because it literally just repeats the name constantly

through the chorus. Even teachers were singing it to her.

-You think, "Come on."

-Yeah.

Even supply teachers, even cover teachers.

-Charmain, welcome back.

-Hello.

-Good to have you here again.

-It was Round Two last time we said goodbye to you.

-Yes.

-Sitcom Stars.

-It was British TV comedy, yes.

That's right.

Remind us what you do, Charmain.

-I'm a music administrator for Wandsworth Music Service.

-Very good.

-How long have you been doing that?

-For seven years.

-Fun?

It has been lots of fun.

We have got lots of orchestras that go out and do some work.

Wandsworth Pops Orchestra, they perform all around the country.

That's brilliant. And your hobbies when you're not doing that.

Sewing, hairdressing.

Very good indeed, Charmain.

Now, you are the last person to have this board.

-Do you feel up to talking us through it?

-I can try.

I did know the Kaiser Chiefs one and the Goo Goo Dolls, and Dolly Parton.

I think the bottom one is Roxanne.

And The Kinks is Lola.

I'm not sure about the Jamie T one but I am going to go for Roxanne.

Roxanne, says Charmain.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Roxanne for The Police.

Well, 70 is our high score. You have passed that.

58.

Not bad.

58 for Roxanne.

Yeah, George Michael does a nice cover version of Roxanne as well.

-Does he?

-Yeah. Some big scorers there.

Let's fill in the rest of this board.

There is another big scorer up there,

which is Lola by The Kinks, you are absolutely right about that.

And that would have scored you 50.

Then My Chemical Romance is Helena.

That would have scored 11.

And the best answer on the board, Jamie T. It's brilliant, Jamie T.

But this is a low scorer - Sheila.

It would have scored you four, well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed.

We are halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

28, the best score of that pass. Well done, Monica.

Then up to 55, Marc and Adam,

58, Charmain and Jane,

and then 70, John and Teresa.

-Teresa, did you like that board, by the way?

-I did like that board.

Good, let's hope you like the next one even more because

we need a low score from you when we come back down to you.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Please can the second players step up onto the podium?

OK. Let's put seven more song titles up on the board, and here they are.

I will read those one last time.

-Now, Jane, welcome back.

-Hi.

-Welcome back.

-Remind us what you do, Jane.

-I'm a T-shirt designer.

This is something you have just recently switched to.

Yeah, I have just started doing this.

-And you design and you print your T-shirts.

-Yes, I do.

-And sell them all yourself?

-Yes, at the moment.

And you are looking for other people to start selling them as well?

Not sure where I'm going with it, I am just seeing how it goes.

-Take it one step at a time.

-Exactly.

Maybe there will be a T-shirt scout who will

-come along past your stall.

-You never know.

"These should be available around the country."

Now, what are your interests, Jane?

I play football, I like baking,

I love travelling

and going camping and cycling.

When I travel, I like to volunteer as well.

I love dressing up at Halloween time. Lots of things, really.

-Excellent.

-I'll tell you what,

a lot of bakers on the show and very few cakes.

Yeah. Yeah, I noticed that.

Jane, you are on 58.

The high scorers are Teresa and John on 70.

So if you could score 11 or less,

you will definitely be in the next round.

I was really hoping for biscuits or something.

I have no idea.

I am just going to guess one.

Or should I go for the one that I do actually know?

Erm...

OK, I'm going to go for Delilah, Tom Jones.

Delilah. Here is your red line.

If you happen to get below that with Delilah,

you are definitely into Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Delilah.

Oh, that is a high score, Jane.

83 for Delilah.

141, your total.

Yeah, possibly better than to go for a risky one, though.

-Yeah, Delilah, Tom Jones.

-Thanks very much. Now, Adam.

-Welcome to Pointless. What do you do, Adam?

-I am a web developer.

And what sort of things to you develop? Any sort of website?

Websites for generally small businesses.

It ranges from a school through to technology in the sports sector.

-All sorts of things, really.

-Very good.

And when you are not doing that, Adam, what do you do?

I like to go to the gym a lot, helping out in the garden,

in the kitchen, round the house,

-relaxing and watching TV.

-Excellent.

Now, Adam, you have been thrown a bit of a lifeline here.

85 for less gets you through.

I only think I know the obvious ones,

so it is picking which is going to be the least bad.

I'm going to go for Mandy, Barry Manilow.

OK, Mandy. Here is your red line.

Nice and high, but you have got to get below it.

Can you, with Mandy?

It is right and you are through. Well done.

60.

Quite a forgiving score, there. 115 is your total.

Well chosen, Adam.

Yeah, number 11 for Barry Manilow. Number one for Westlife, Mandy.

-It was originally called Brandy but they change the name.

-Really?

-Yeah, it was.

-Why would you change it?

-It is a lady's name in America, isn't it?

-It is.

-Over here, less so.

Less so. A dog's name here.

Yes, or a drink.

No, there was another song called Brandy by another group,

so he changed it to Mandy.

-Well, there we are.

-It's his business, isn't it?

-Yeah, exactly.

-He writes the songs.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

-There we are. Now, Tim.

-Hi.

Tim, great news for you - you are through.

It doesn't matter what you score. Now, Tim, what do you do?

-I am a hotel manager.

-Whereabouts?

Just about 15 miles above Brighton.

-Right you are. And you live in Ditchling.

-Yes.

-Beautiful village.

-Yes.

-And what do you do when you are not managing the hotel?

Do you get a lot of time off? Probably not a great deal.

No, not a great deal.

But being so close to the South Downs, I do a lot of walking

-and when I am not walking I am watching movies.

-There we are.

Now, Tim as I say, you are already through

so it doesn't matter what you score,

but you could always try and find a nice low score up there.

The only answers I knew have now been taken

so I am going to guess with Blondie and Maria.

Maria. Maria.

OK, well, no red line as you are already through.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Maria for Blondie.

55. Good guess.

83 is your total,

our first two-figure total.

Yeah, safely through.

It was a comeback single for Blondie and it was her sixth number one.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Teresa, welcome.

Lovely to have you here. What do you do, Teresa?

I work part-time for my church.

I do a little bit of accounts and admin

-and a little bit of youth and children's work.

-Very good.

And when you are not doing that, what do you like to get up to?

Well, I love dancing.

I do Scottish country dancing in honour of my darling son-in-law,

which I started seven years ago when we moved to Derbyshire.

And we have got a lovely dog, a boxer dog called Queenie

and we love walking.

-We moved to the Peak District so we could go long walks.

-Lovely.

Now, you are on 70. You have to score 70 or less to stay with us.

Well, I have had time to make up names for all of them.

-Oh, is it down to making up?

-No, I do know...

I think I know The Zutons and I'm going to say Valerie.

Very good. Valerie. Here is your red line.

Let's see if you can get below that with Valerie.

It's right.

Through you go. Very well done, Teresa.

39 is your total, 109.

109 is your total.

Yeah, very well played. It was by The Zutons.

One of an endless stream of brilliant Liverpool bands who write

songs like that seemingly effortlessly.

Yeah, then Amy Winehouse covered it -

-they must be making a fortune from it, mustn't they?

-Yeah.

It's good, isn't it? It's nice. It's a nice story.

Now, if you don't know the rest of these you could probably have

-guessed some. Derek And The Dominos...

-Layla.

..is Layla, of course it is, and that would have scored 31.

People will know The Four Tops' song.

It's Bernadette.

That would have scored 14.

Avril Lavigne is the best answer on the board but it's quite...

I'm going to guess Alice.

Alice is exactly right, and that would have scored five.

There we are. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair we are saying goodbye to

is our only returning pair, Jane and Charmain -

our only rhyming pair as well.

I am so sorry we have to say goodbye now, far too soon.

But it has been great having you on the show.

-Thank you so much for playing. Jane and Charmain.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it is now time for Round Two.

So, we are down to three pairs.

At the end of this round, we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well, hats off, Tim and Monica, lowest joint score

and lowest individual score as well.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

A little buzz from the audience there. The periodic table.

Can you decide in your pairs who is going to go first,

who is going to go second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

Chemical elements whose symbols contained the letters L, M or N.

-Richard.

-Yeah, tricky one, this.

We are looking for any element of the periodic table as of July 2015,

please, whose symbol contains an L, an M, or an N.

So the symbol containing L, M or N, please. Very, very best of luck.

-See, normally we just learn the names of the...

-I know.

So we have got our cheap ones that we can always just come up with.

On this you can't because you need to know the symbols as well.

-Never ends, does it, learning?

-Carnage, as the man said.

Teresa, how are you feeling about our chemical symbols?

Not too bad, this, although I hated chemistry at school.

But I am going to say manganese.

Manganese, says Teresa. Manganese.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said manganese.

It's right.

11, Teresa.

11 for manganese.

Yeah, very good.

It is the element that makes up all Japanese animation.

LAUGHTER

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then, Tim.

What would you like to go for?

I am going to go with lithium.

Lithium, says Tim.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said lithium.

29.

Not bad, 29 for lithium.

Yeah, Li is lithium.

-It's got an L in it.

-It has.

It very much has. Now, Adam.

-We tried learning these to prepare for the show.

-And?

And I am going to tell you, Marc, I'm going to take a risk...

on livermorium.

Livermorium.

Oooh!

Ooh, we all like livermorium.

-Do you remember what its symbol was?

-No.

I see.

OK, well, let's find out - livermorium.

Surely, surely that has an L.

Or an M or an N in it, you never know. Let's see. Livermorium.

It's right.

Well, 29 is our high score, 11 is our low.

You have passed 29, you have past 11...

It's pointless!

There we are.

It just goes to show, it pays to revise.

That adds £250 to today's jackpot, takes the total up to £8,250.

It scores you nothing, Adam, earns you a pat on the back.

-Brilliant.

-That's the way to play the game, Adam. Very well played.

Yeah, Lv is the symbol for livermorium, as you might expect.

-As you would hope it be.

-Sometimes it's not, is it? But...

Although that would have been harsh, if it hadn't been.

-If I'd gone, "No, of course it's Xr."

-B.

We are halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Nothing, the lowest score on the board at this point,

Adam and Marc looking very strong.

Up to 11, well done, Teresa and John. 29, Tim and Monica.

I mean, that's a low score, 29, but I'm afraid you are our high-scorers.

So, Monica, we need to find a nice low-scoring answer

to keep you in the game.

We are going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

So, Marc, chemical elements whose symbols contain the letters

L, M or N.

Yeah.

See, what Adam didn't tell you is that we...

The way we revised it was to the tune of the Can-Can.

Would you like to sing us...?

I'm not allowed to sing, so...

-You really did? To the tune of the Can-Can?

-Yeah, really did, yes.

You could release that!

If nothing else, everyone who comes on Pointless would buy it.

-Could be a number-one single.

-Absolutely.

No, I'm not going to attempt to sing it,

and I wish I'd paid more attention as well.

Erm...

I'm going to go molybdenum.

Molybdenum.

-Molybdenum, and slightly crossing your fingers.

-Yeah.

Can't really remember what the symbol was.

It stands to reason - surely molybdenum must have

one of those in, or quite possibly two, you never know.

There is your red line.

If you can get below that, you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said molybdenum.

It's right.

There you are, you're through.

It scores you five.

APPLAUSE

Five is your total.

Sterling work on that last podium, very well done.

Yes, Mo - one of the few chemical elements whose symbol is a name.

-Nice.

-There are others.

-And a character in The Simpsons as well.

-Yeah, exactly.

-Very nice.

-But to any children at home, revising pays off.

-That's what we learn, isn't it?

-That's what we've just learnt now.

Revising to the tune of the Can-Can always pays off.

There are other tunes as well, but the Can-Can is certainly effective.

-Provably the best.

-It has proven to be the best. Now, Monica.

-You are the highest scorers, still.

-Yes.

-How are we feeling about chemistry, generally?

-Erm, not good.

Erm...

The only one I can think of, and I'm not really sure

whether it's got either of those letters, would be magnesium.

Magnesium.

Magnesium. No red line for you as you're the highest scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said magnesium.

It's right.

Still going down. 28.

28 for magnesium takes your total up to 57.

Yeah, Mg, magnesium.

It's quite a big score but at least it was one fewer than Tim got,

so that's good news.

-Thanks, Richard. John.

-Hiya.

Well, you've got a target now - 45 or less is what we need from you.

Are you happy with chemistry generally?

Erm, it's all right.

I know a few of them

but it's just trying to think specifically of the symbols,

you know, cos some of the letters that are in the symbols just

don't seem to represent the words at all.

Erm...

So I'm thinking of going for one that I know.

I'll just have to go for one cos I don't want to get 100.

I'll go for nitrogen.

Nitrogen, says John, nitrogen. Here is your red line.

You have to get below that. If you can, you're into the head-to-head.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said nitrogen.

Well done.

Oh, look at that! Just.

45 you needed, 39 you got. 50 is your total.

Well done, John.

Your face showed the perfect example of someone thinking,

"I do know quite a lot of these but I'm a teacher.

"This is going to go really badly if I get one wrong."

I think you did very well, going for nitrogen.

It's actually the biggest scorer of all.

Nitrogen and the two answers we had on podium two are the three

highest scorers out there.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers, there's quite a few.

Copernicium, which is Cn.

Fermium, which is Fm -

no-one went for the ones that started with different letters.

Those are the scary ones.

Lawrencium, would've been a pointless answer. That is Lr.

There's livermorium.

Mendelevium, Md.

You could've had neptunium, which is Np.

Nobelium, which is No.

Samarium, Sm. And thulium, Tm.

The other pointless answers, lutetium, meitnerium and neodymium.

Very well done if you said any of those.

-That was harder than a normal one, wasn't it?

-That was hard.

-This symbols thing.

-But we had no incorrect answers.

-It was very impressively played, actually.

-Not bad at all.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So our high scorers at the end of that round -

once again, 57 is not a terrible score - but, Tim and Monica,

you are the high-scorers, so we have to say goodbye to you now.

We'll see you again next time.

We look forward to that, Monica and Tim, thanks very much.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Adam and Marc, Teresa and John,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to

play for that jackpot, which currently stands at...

APPLAUSE

Well, you know what happens from here on in.

you can start playing as a team, which is good news.

And the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Well, Adam and Marc, it just goes to show, revision really has paid off.

Just superb. There we are, a pointless answer from you.

Actually, Teresa, very well done, manganese, sneaking that in there in round two. Very nice.

I was very impressed that molybdenum scored five points.

That's really crept up in the last few years, hasn't it?

-That's a Pointless favourite.

-Isn't it? No longer.

The Molybdenum Marketing Board must be absolutely over the moon!

You get it on everything now, don't you?

They're not going to be that happy, because they have been hoping

all this while that molybdenum would be a slow burner...

AUDIENCE GROANS

Sorry. LAUGHTER

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Richard?

It's five pictures of actors playing real or fictional Prime Ministers.

Can you name the most obscure?

OK, let's reveal our five pictures, and here they come.

We have got...

There we are. Five fictional Prime Minister actors.

Marc and Adam, you're our low scorers, see you'll go first.

Feel free to confer.

-D is Michael Sheen.

-I'll let you go for it.

-Yeah?

-OK.

OK, we're going to go for D, which we think is Michael Sheen.

Michael Sheen. Michael Sheen, D, say Adam and Marc.

Now, Teresa and John, do you fancy talking us through the board?

I know A is the son of a famous actor,

and I can't think of his name!

B is Jane Horrocks, C is Anthony Head,

and E is Hugh Grant.

-We'll go for B? We'll go for Jane Horrocks.

-Jane Horrocks.

OK, so, we have Michael Sheen and we have Jane Horrocks.

Adam and Marc said Michael Sheen for D, let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many

of our 100 people said Michael Sheen?

Phew!

Not bad at all, 24 for Michael Sheen.

APPLAUSE

Teresa and John, meanwhile, you said Jane Horrocks for B.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said Jane Horrocks?

It's right, it has to beat 24.

No! 33.

APPLAUSE

33 for Jane Horrocks. Which means Adam and Marc, very well done.

After one question, you're up 1-0.

-There is one answer which would beat Michael Sheen...

-It's A.

-It is A, you're right.

-It's Kinnear, isn't it?

-Yes, it is Roy Kinnear's son,

-and it is Rory Kinnear.

-Rory!

-Rory Kinnear.

A wonderful, wonderful actor. He would've scored you 13.

-Do you remember where Rory Kinnear played a Prime Minister?

-No, I don't.

Did you see the episode of Black Mirror,

Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror? Called National Anthem.

He has to accede to a very unusual request.

He's brilliant in it.

13 points for that.

C is Anthony Head. Played the Prime Minister in Little Britain.

Would have scored you 26.

Michael Sheen, of course, played Tony Blair.

And E, Hugh Grant, from Love, Actually.

And he would've scored you 77 points.

Have you ever played a Prime Minister?

I've played David Cameron, actually.

But I think that was before he was Prime Minister.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

In The Trial Of Tony Blair.

LAUGHTER

Really?

Oh, very good. You'd be a good Prime Minister, I think.

-I really wouldn't.

-In real life.

-Oh, thank you!

You would be a real-life good Prime Minister.

Can I just say, at this point, Anthony Head an iron, I think.

-An iron?

-And iron wouldn't hurt.

-Oh, for his shirt collar?

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

Do you know what I mean? Do wear a linen shirt, of course.

I don't understand linen shirts.

You can only wear them once.

That's true, that's true.

But look at that,

particularly when you've got Grant's crisp collar there.

I mean, he's making Anthony look a fool.

Some people don't have the collar bones for it.

That's true. That's true.

A linen shirt is very difficult under a suit.

-Mmm, it is.

-Very, very difficult.

-Maybe he was caught on holiday.

That could just be, I don't know, that could be a view out to sea. LAUGHTER

Maybe that's a boat, or something.

If he's on the prow of a boat, with all that wind, then actually...

-Fair enough.

-Fair enough.

-Fair enough.

-Fair enough.

-Yeah.

But, otherwise, no, I don't think so.

No... Anyway, there we go.

Here comes your second question.

Teresa and John, you get to answer it first

but you have to win it to stay in the game, so best of luck.

It concerns...

Mathematical terms, Richard?

It's like we're sitting our GCSEs today, isn't it?

I'm going to show you five definitions of mathematical terms.

I'm giving you the first and last letters of each. Can you identify the most obscure?

OK, let's reveal our five definitions and here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

Teresa and John...

INAUDIBLE WHISPERS

Trigonometry.

Trigonometry.

-Do you think so?

-I think so.

He doesn't obey his mother-in-law, you know.

The branch of mathematics that deals with triangles - trigonometry.

Trigonometry say Teresa and John.

Now, Adam and Marc, do you fancy talking us

through all those definitions?

Adam knows the top one.

The top one is mode, I think.

-The second one, integer.

-Yeah.

-The fourth one, prime number and the fifth one, vector.

-Vector.

But we're going to go for...

I think vec...

-Vector. I think.

-Vector.

You're going for vector.

So we have trigonometry and we have vector.

Teresa and John said trigonometry, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 agree with them.

It's right.

-Oh...

-66.

APPLAUSE

Er, Adam and Marc meanwhile have gone for vector,

let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 said vector.

Very well done, indeed.

That wins you the point and the round.

APPLAUSE

Adam and Marc, after only two questions,

you're through to the final, 2-0.

Yeah, a really tough one to work out what the best answers there were.

Were you having a row about that Teresa and John about what to go for?

I was just having a row about who was going to answer!

Teresa said...

When Teresa said it was trigonometry I went,

"All right" and I assumed she was going to say it.

My fault, it was my fault.

-Son-in-law...

-LAUGHTER

-I just do what I'm told.

-You did very well, John.

So, yes, the other three, it's hard to work out...

Prime number is a big scorer.

Prime number would have scored you...

-..70.

-Ah.

-Disappointingly it's not a prime number.

-It's a shame, isn't it?

-It's a shame.

-Imagine if it had been 71.

-Ah!

Oh... That would have been nice.

-Is that a prime number.

-Yeah.

-ALEXANDER CHUCKLES

Good.

Erm... These other two, the top one is mode.

It's one of the ways of measuring an average.

It would have scored you 41.

And the best answer on the board, is integer.

I think perhaps because it's not as familiar a word to people, maybe.

That would have scored you...

30 points.

-Vector is a slightly harder clue but such a sci-fi word, vector.

-Yeah.

Integer, maybe slightly more obscure.

There we are. They are all quite impressively high scores.

-Our 100 have done quite well.

-They have done well, haven't they?

-Yeah, not bad.

-All we needed to do was to find them

and then give the first and last letters of each one.

-And they aced them.

-They aced it.

Thanks very much, indeed, Richard.

So at the end of our head-to-head round,

the pair we're saying "goodbye" to, I'm afraid, it's Teresa and John.

A very strong performance, though, across the show.

We'll see you next time, look forward to that very much.

But meantime, thanks very much, indeed, Teresa and John. APPLAUSE

-Well done.

-Good luck for the next round.

For Adam and Marc, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Very well done. Adam and Marc, you've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-BOTH:

-Thank you.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot is standing at

£8,250. APPLAUSE

AUDIENCE: Whoo!

Well, this could be very exciting, indeed.

I'm going to talk you through the game you've played.

Your first round, I'm going to say it was slightly average.

-Yes.

-Slightly average.

Ruby and Mandy were your answers there.

They were fine, nothing wrong with either of those.

But then Round Two, you suddenly found your form,

broke away from the pack.

Then 2-0 in the head-to-head, there's no arguing with that.

Anything particular you'd like to see on this board

that might help you win that jackpot?

I know Adam would love UK politics.

Or American sport for Marc would be good.

OK, nice answering each other's questions there.

A strong team. OK, well, best of luck,

let's hope something up there tickles your fancy.

Today's choices are these...

It's like a dream category, isn't it?

I've got two cats but other than knowing that I need to feed them

and water them, I've got no idea!

-You water cats?

-No, I don't literally water them.

I had no idea.

He originally had one cat, he started watering it

and now he's got two.

Literature is a no for both of us.

-Cats could be the musical or the poems.

-It could be.

I really think we should go for football.

Yeah, because I've got no idea who Nora Ephron is.

THEY CHUCKLE

I think this is probably going to be on me,

but European men's football leagues will be the one.

OK.

-Richard.

-OK, very best of luck.

We're looking for any team who competed in the 2014/15 season

in...

So any team who competed in any of those three leagues in 2014/15.

-Very, very best of luck, gents.

-Thanks very much, indeed.

You've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot, £8,250,

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the board. There they are.

Your time starts now!

OK, I don't think I know enough about the Dutch.

It's going to have to be French or German.

-Is Bremen German?

-Werder Bremen.

-Is it good enough?

-It's Werder Bremen, I'd go with that.

-I'm not sure, they're definitely a German team.

-Mm-hm.

I'll go with that.

I also think there's a German team called Mainz, MAINZ,

-something like that.

-I'll take your word for it.

In terms of French League 1, some of the more obscure ones,

probably Gridions Bordeaux.

That's my best French pronunciation of that!

Who else? You've got FC Nantes.

Probably Lyon's in there somewhere.

You might have Sochaux.

S-O-C-H-A-U-X.

-As in the pastry?

-As in the pastry-ish. Yeah.

-Er, Dutch, as I say I don't know enough.

-Feyenoord?

Yeah, Ajax, FC Twente - I think they're all big ones.

Ten seconds left.

I hadn't heard of Sochaux and I hadn't heard of the one you couldn't pronounce either.

They were a little bit of guesses, though.

-So Sochaux, Mainz and Werder Bremen.

-You can say it.

They're all risky ones.

OK, that's your time up, sounds like you've got three answers.

I don't know how happy you are with them yet. Let's see what they are.

They're all risky because we don't know for sure...

They're football teams, I don't know if they competed in those leagues.

We like risk-taking though.

So for French League 1, we're going to go with FC Sochaux.

-FC Sochaux.

-Yeah.

And German Bundesliga, we'll go with Werder Bremen.

-Werder Bremen.

-And FC Mainz.

-M-A-I-N-Z, Mainz.

-FC Mainz.

OK, of those three, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

I think Werder Bremen is the most likely.

Werder Bremen we'll put last.

And least likely to be pointless?

-Sochaux. I might have made it up.

-ALEXANDER CHUCKLES

Sochaux we'll put first. Great imagination you've got if you have.

OK, we'll pop those up on the board in that order then.

And here they are...

We have got FC Sochaux,

FC Mainz

and Werder Bremen.

-They look good on the board, don't they?

-The first one doesn't now!

Perfectly good answers.

Well...if one of those is pointless it will win you that

jackpot of £8,250.

Adam, what would you do with your share of that?

I think I'd go on a holiday

and maybe put something towards a shopping spree, as well.

-I could do with some new clothes.

-Very good, indeed, Marc?

Yeah, I'd join Adam on that holiday

and I'd probably buy a part of a car.

Well, put it towards a car, not individual parts!

LAUGHTER

If you want to buy a part of a car, go to a car-boot sale.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Your first answer was FC Sochaux.

In this case we were looking for teams from the French Ligue 1.

If this is pointless it will win you £8,250.

Let's see how many of our 100 said FC Sochaux.

AUDIENCE GROANS

You've gone too obscure I think there.

-FC Sochaux.

-Yeah.

We'll discover why that's wrong shortly but I'm afraid it's not a correct answer

but it means you have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was FC Mainz.

In this case we were looking for teams in the German Bundesliga.

Again, it has to be pointless for you to win that jackpot.

So for £8,250, let's see how many people said FC Mainz.

-It's right.

-Oh, my gosh.

Now, FC Sochaux turned out to be incorrect.

FC Mainz is taking us down through the 20s,

through the teens into single figures.

Down it goes, still going down, still going down...

-It's done it.

-Yeah!

-APPLAUSE

Very, very well done.

Wow!

Congratulations!

FC Mainz is a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £8,250.

-That's all those years of playing Football Manager finally paid off.

-LAUGHTER

-There you go. Brilliant!

-Oh, it's fabulous stuff. Well done.

Anyone at home who plays Football Manager or Fifa, you get all the foreign leagues, don't you,

-and you can manage various teams.

-Yeah.

-The names sink in somewhere.

I know lots of people at home would have done well.

The French team you were thinking of was Sochaux.

They're actually in Ligue 2, what we would call League 2.

-That's the translation for you.

-LAUGHTER

They used to be one of the top French sides.

-Werder Bremen would have scored you three points.

-Oh!

So well done, Mainz.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers in the different categories.

The French league was the hardest one to find a pointless answer.

Evian TG. Lens would have been a pointless answer

and Stade de Reims, also a pointless answer.

Those are the only three pointless answers.

Low-scorers there, one point for Bastia, for Metz, for Lorient,

for Toulouse.

Let's take a look at the Dutch league,

lots and lots of Dutch viewers.

I know I have mispronounced their league terribly and I'm so sorry about that.

Now I'm about to mispronounce lots of your teams, as well.

Erm, you could have had Excelsior,

Utrecht, Heracles, Willem.

Also you could have had Den Haag, Dordrecht, Groningen,

Brada and Cambuur. Very well done if you said any of those.

Now let's turn to the Bundesliga.

There's five pointless answers for the Bundesliga.

Augsburg.

Eintracht Frankfurt was a pointless answer,

a very famous name from German football.

FC Mainz there and Paderborn 07.

You also could have had Freiburg, as well.

One point for Hannover, Koln or Hoffenheim.

Those are the low-scorers and the pointless answers.

Very well done if you got one at home

and apologies from Xander and myself that you don't take away £8,250

because that has gone to our friends here, Adam and Marc.

-Congratulations.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Thanks once again to our winning pair, Adam and Marc,

who go away with today's jackpot of £8,250.

APPLAUSE

Join us again next time

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.