Episode 31 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

the better your chances of winning.

Let's meet today's players. APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hi, Alexander. My name is Phil. This is my daughter, Katie.

I'm from Sutton Coldfield and Katie is from Leamington Spa.

Couple number two.

Hi. My name is Joel. This is my brother, Lucas.

We're from Bushey, Hertfordshire.

Couple number three.

Hi. My name is Emilia. This is my boyfriend, Tom.

He's from Liverpool and I am from Cardiff.

And finally couple number four.

Hi, I'm Sarah. This is my mum, Joan, and we're both from Glasgow.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you. A warm welcome to the show.

We'll find out more about each of you throughout the show.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

If he got hold of our trophy today, he'd kiss it and hold it aloft

and desperately pretend he was captaining Fulham.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-APPLAUSE

-Hiya. Hey, everybody.

Good afternoon.

If you're holding a trophy,

it's the one time you can't pretend you're captain of Fulham.

LAUGHTER Yeah.

If I was looking at somebody else holding a trophy,

then I can pretend I'm captain of Fulham.

-Now, great show last time.

-Yeah.

We had great winners, Sam and David,

who got the lowest scores in both the first two rounds.

Went into the head-to-head against Tom and Emilia,

our only returning pair.

Won both of the questions with the best possible answer

on the board as well.

Almost nothing you could've done in that head-to-head.

Got through to that final round. Quite a nice category.

It went 6 points, 4 points, 2 points.

Just missed out on the jackpot, so it keeps getting bigger,

which is great news.

Look at Tom and Emilia pretending not to be delighted.

And it's going to go sooner or later.

Maybe it's going to go today.

We've got three new pairs. We know nothing about them.

They may be geniuses.

-There's only one way to find out, right?

-Absolutely.

Absolutely. Are you geniuses?

Oh, so, that wasn't what you meant at all. I'm so sorry.

Yes, Sam and David didn't win the jackpot last time

which means we add another £1,000 to it,

so today's jackpot starts off... Can you believe it?

..at £8,000. There we are. APPLAUSE

I know.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

Remember this if nothing else -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. That is it.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon is...

UK Politicians.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And our question concerns...

MPs elected at the 2015 general election, Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you a picture now of 15 MPs,

all of whom won a seat at the 2015 general election.

Can you identify the most obscure of these?

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

As Richard's mentioned, we're putting an image up.

That's going to stay up for the whole round.

We won't be changing it so it's going to be slightly tough

for the people who are answering later, possibly.

Yes. Let's reveal our image. Here it comes.

There we go. There we go.

15 MPs who were elected at the 2015 general election.

We just need a name of any of those people featured.

Now, Katie, warm welcome to Pointless. Lovely to have you.

-Hello. Nice to be here.

-And what do you do, Katie?

I study history at the University of Warwick.

-Now, lovely Warwick.

-Lovely Warwick.

-That's nice.

-On campus there.

-Yeah.

-And what year are you in?

-I'm just going into my third year, so my final year.

-OK.

And what else have you been getting up to while you're there?

Well, I've got my own radio show at university.

Well, that's a nice thing to have, isn't it?

So, what do you do on your slot?

So, I have a lot of chats.

I have some guests on kind of relating to the week.

So, for varsity, I had some of the sports team captains in,

but a lot of the time it's just music.

Wonderful. Now, who are you going to go for?

Well, this isn't a great category for me.

I only know a few on there,

so I'm going to go for something I know that's right

and is really obvious. But I'm hoping it's the least obvious

of the ones I know. And I'm going to say Nick Clegg.

Nick Clegg, says Katie.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Nick Clegg.

It's right.

70. APPLAUSE

Not bad. It's a right answer, anyway. There we are. 70.

Yeah, former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

There he is on the bottom row, second right.

That's the happiest picture we could find of him since the election.

LAUGHTER There we are. Thank you very much.

OK, now, Lucas, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here.

-What do you do, Lucas?

-I'm a student.

-I do English lit at Newcastle Uni.

-Now, how are you enjoying Newcastle?

It's great. Vibrant place. Lots of fun. Friendly. Cheap.

Three trebles for a fiver. It's good.

HE LAUGHS And there is everything you need

to know about Newcastle University. LAUGHTER

What are your interests aside from your hard study, Lucas?

I'm really into film, like every other person.

Music, like every other person.

I'm getting an absence of politics. Is that one of your interests?

-Current affairs?

-Yeah, yeah. Sure. Sure.

-OK.

-This is going to be OK, yeah.

Let's put that to the test, Lucas. What would you like to go for?

I'm going for my favourite guy on the board cos he was a former DJ.

A great guy, Chuka Umunna.

Chuka Umunna. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

70 was our only score to this point,

and you passed that some while ago.

11. APPLAUSE

11 for Chuka Umunna.

Great start, Lucas. Well played.

Yeah, of course, declared for the Labour leadership,

then pulled out.

He's got something in common with you.

-He was a chorister at Southwark Cathedral.

-There we are.

I don't know if you know that about yourself, but you are.

-No, I'm remembering now. I'm remembering.

-Yeah, there you go.

Thank you. Now, Emilia, welcome back to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Now, Emilia, remind us what you do.

-I study politics at Edinburgh University.

-Studying politics.

I mean, this really couldn't have

fallen better for you, Emilia, could it?

It could be very embarrassing.

Well, it could also be that, yes.

Remind us what else you like getting up to, though?

-I also present a student radio show.

-Now, what time are you on?

-10am.

-Oh, that's nice.

No-one is awake, so you're playing out to just my mum.

-But you're playing music or are you...?

-Yeah.

I do music and some chatting. I sometimes do little quizzes,

depending on what the theme of the week is.

See, that's fun. Who would you like to go for, Emilia?

-It's got to be low, hasn't it?

-I was going to go for Chuka.

There's quite a few potential Labour candidates on there,

but I'm going to go for Mhairi Black.

OK. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mhairi Black.

It's right.

Our high score is 70, which you passed just then.

Our low score is 11,

which you passed just then.

There we are.

A new low score, Emilia. Very well done.

APPLAUSE 7 for Mhairi Black.

Yeah, they would not have let you back to Edinburgh

if you hadn't gone for Mhairi Black, Emilia. Very well done.

There she is on the second row, second from the right.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, now, Joan, welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here. What do you do, Joan?

-Retired for quite a long time.

-What did you do, Joan?

I worked for University of Strathclyde

Centre for Lifelong Learning laterally on arts projects.

Very good indeed.

-And what do you do in your retirement?

-Right, I do...

I read masses and I like film.

-I do Pilates. I play bridge.

-Fabulous.

Now, Joan, how are you going to go in this?

How are you feeling about that board?

I know a few, so I'm trying to think of which...

I'll go for Yvette Cooper.

You're going to go for Yvette Cooper.

OK, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Yvette Cooper.

Good answer. Look at that. 17.

Very well done indeed, Joan.

APPLAUSE 17 for Yvette Cooper.

Yeah. First elected in 1997, Yvette Cooper.

-Of course, her husband famously lost his job.

-Mm, he did.

-Ed Balls.

There we are. Thank you very much.

We're halfway through. Let's look at the scores.

7 the best score of that pass. Very well done. Mhairi Black there.

Then we travel up to 11.

Well done, Lucas and Joel. We find you there.

Then 17 is where we find Joan and Sarah.

And then it's quite a hike.

-I'm sorry, Nick Clegg didn't serve you well there.

-No.

So, yes, Phil, you've got it all to do in the next pass. Best of luck.

We're coming back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. So, welcome to the show, Sarah. What do you do?

I'm a literacy teacher, so I work with a variety of places,

charities and individuals.

That's very good. So, you work with all ages or...?

All ages, all capabilities.

-That's good. And quite rewarding.

-Yeah.

-You actually see proper progress being made.

-Yeah.

Really enjoy it, yeah. A big variety of people.

Hugely rewarding for them as well, I should think.

Now, Sarah, there you are on 17.

If you can score 52 or less,

you are comfortably into the next round.

Yeah. I know some of the biggies. Or the ones I think will be biggies.

-Mm-hm.

-Um...

But nothing particularly obscure, I don't think,

so I'm going to - since I'm Scottish -

go for Alex Salmond.

Alex Salmond, says Sarah. Here's your red line.

Get below this red line with Alex Salmond

and you're through to the next round.

How many people said it?

Well done. You've done it.

Look at that. 37, with room to spare.

APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 54.

Yeah, and he was first elected in 1987,

which was before Mhairi Black was born.

-HE GASPS Wow.

-Yep.

-There we go.

Thank you very much.

-Well, now then, Tom...

-Yeah.

-..we come back to you.

Remind us what you do.

-I'm a PhD student at Edinburgh University.

-At Edinburgh.

-In sociology?

-It was social policy.

-Social policy.

-Similar thing.

I see. OK. And you've done your masters, you're now doing your PhD.

-When does that finish?

-In a year's time.

Will you think you'll stick with academia, do you think,

-or will you...?

-Potentially, or maybe move into more,

-like, social research sort of jobs.

-I see. OK.

Tom, well, you're on 7.

62 or less keeps you comfortably in the game.

What would you like to go for?

I think I'm going to go for Caroline Lucas.

Caroline Lucas. There is your red line.

If you can get below that, you're through to the next round.

It's right, and through you go.

Very well done.

8.

APPLAUSE Very impressive on podium three.

7 and 8 respectively,

taking your total up to 15.

Well played, Tom. Yeah, the only Green MP, Caroline Lucas.

She was leader of the Greens from 2008 to 2012.

There we are. Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now then, Joel.

-Hello.

Joel, hello and welcome to Pointless.

What do you do, Joel?

I work in marketing for a motorsport events start-up.

How did you manage to get into that?

Well, I used to race in a university championship

called The British University Karting Championship

when I was at uni. And when I graduated,

I must've made an impression so the company took me on board.

Fantastic. Now, you're on 11.

The high-scorers are still Phil and Katie, I'm afraid, on 70,

so 58 is what your target is.

I'm going to play it relatively safe, I think,

and go for John Bercow.

John Bercow. John Bercow, says Joel. Here's your red line.

Get below that and you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many people said it.

It's right and it gets you through. Well done.

Again, with room to spare.

21.

Taking your total up to 32. APPLAUSE

Very well done.

Yeah. Another solid answer.

Very well played.

The Speaker of the House of Commons, of course, John Bercow.

I'm guessing that was a windy day he was caught there.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Phil, I'm sorry to tell you this,

but you are the high-scorers even before you've given your answer.

I'm heartily sorry.

Anyway, that aside, a warm welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you here. What do you do, Phil?

-I'm a civil servant.

-You are a civil servant.

And what are your interests outside of the civil service?

Well, despite the look,

I still try and throw myself around a football pitch on a regular basis.

I didn't know where that was going.

Throw yourself around...a Greco-Roman wrestling ring.

LAUGHTER Five-a-side, seven-a-side?

-Five-a-side.

-Five-a-side. That's good fun.

Now, Phil, this board is all yours.

Would you like to talk us through all the as yet unnamed MPs?

There's some fairly obvious ones up there.

David Cameron and Boris Yeltsin.

-LAUGHTER

-Couple of the ladies...

-Did I say Boris Yeltsin?

-I think you did, yeah.

LAUGHTER

-Sorry, he had aspirations to be Boris Yeltsin.

-There we are.

He remains Boris Johnson.

But Tessa Jowell and Harriet Harman, I think.

And the others, there's a chap there, first name Douglas,

but that won't get me very far.

So, I think I'll just go with Tessa Jowell.

Tessa Jowell, says Phil. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Tessa Jowell.

Ooh.

I think you had another Boris Yeltsin moment there.

I'm afraid that's not Tessa Jowell.

Scores you 100 points.

-170 is your total.

-Yeah, sorry, Phil.

I think you're looking bottom right, and that's Harriet Harman.

She would've scored you 32 points.

Now, let's look through all of these from the top.

So, we've had Chuka Umunna. Next to him... Do you want to have a go?

-Theresa May.

-Theresa May would've scored you 40 points.

Next to Theresa May is the former leader of the SDLP...

-Mark Durkan.

-..Mark Durkan. Pointless answer.

Next to John Bercow you've got Jonathan Edwards.

-Don't know him.

-Would've scored you 1 point.

-Second row, Douglas Carswell.

-It was Douglas Carswell.

-I was going to say David Willetts.

-No, Douglas Carswell.

The only UKIP MP elected at the 2015 election.

He scored 1 point, so well done if you said that.

David Cameron there would've scored you 88 points.

-Bottom left is Vladimir Putin.

-LAUGHTER

Bottom left is Boris Johnson.

Boris Johnson would've scored you 72.

Just beats Nick Clegg.

Next to him, last one we've got,

it's the only Lib Dem in Scotland, Alistair Carmichael.

He would've scored you 1 point.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of the first round,

the pair heading home with our high score of 170, I'm afraid,

Phil and Katie, it is you.

But the Yeltsins aside, you clearly know your stuff.

We'll see you next time. I'm sure we'll get further.

Meantime, thanks very much. Phil and Katie.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well done, everyone. We've made it through to Round Two.

Very exciting indeed.

Best of luck to all three pairs for the next round.

Our category for Round Two is...

UK Geography.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Places on the River Thames, Richard.

We're going to show you six clues

to facts about places on the River Thames.

You need to give us the most obscure answer you can.

So, 12 in all to have a go at at home. Very best of luck.

OK, thanks, Richard.

Let's reveal our six clues, our first board of six.

And here they are. We've got...

I'm going to read those all again.

Lucas, what would you like to go for on our board of Thames-side places.

Ooh. This is terrible. I don't know any of these.

I'm just going to throw a wild guess out.

For the city that houses Christ Church College and the library,

I'm just going to say Nottingham.

Nottingham-on-Thames. OK. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went with Nottingham.

No.

I'm afraid that was one city David Walliams didn't swim through

when he was doing that famous swim.

I'm afraid that scores you 100 points. Sorry, Lucas.

Yeah, sorry, Lucas.

I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the round.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, Emilia.

I'm quite glad that Lucas got that wrong

because that's the only one that I know.

I think it might be Oxford.

Oxford, says Emilia.

Let's see if Oxford is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Oxford.

It is indeed Oxford.

There you are. 35.

Very well done, Emilia. APPLAUSE

Yeah. The Bodleian opened in 1602.

Five kings, they say, have been there. 26 prime ministers.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, Joan, this board is all yours.

-Do you want to talk us through it?

-No.

-LAUGHTER

-Definitely not.

I'm going to go for - and it's an educated guess -

was it Reading where Oscar Wilde was imprisoned?

Reading, says Joan. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Reading.

Absolutely right.

A very well educated guess, if I may say, Joan.

And 22 is your reward for it.

Very well done indeed.

APPLAUSE Lovely low score.

Well done, Joan.

Yeah, The Ballad Of Reading Gaol, of course. So, 22 points.

And now, the Berkshire town home to the world's oldest

and largest inhabited castle, can you solve this enigma?

I'm imagining myself saying something like Windsor.

-Windsor Castle.

-Is that right?

-Yeah, it is.

It's Windsor Castle, where the Queen lives.

43 points for that. The Tudor palace.

I'm going to say Hampton Court.

Hampton Court is the right answer as well.

Yeah, 27 points for that. So, the Kent town?

-I don't know that one, actually.

-Dartford.

-Oh, of course.

-Dartford Crossing.

-19 points for that.

-And the best answer on the board, the Buckinghamshire town.

-Marlow.

Well done. It is Marlow, yeah.

-That would've scored you 6 points.

-There we are.

Thank you very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. 22, Joan. Very well done.

Joan and Sarah looking very strong at this point.

Then up to 35, where we find Emilia and Tom.

And then Lucas and Joel, I'm sorry, up there on 100 points.

Joel, who knows what the next board is going to be like?

But we need a low score from you, so good luck with that.

We're coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, well, let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they are.

We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Now, remember,

we're looking for the names of these places on the River Thames.

Sarah, well, Joan set you up beautifully there.

22, lovely low score.

If you can score 77 or less, you are into our head-to-head.

I honestly haven't a clue about any of them.

The only one that I think is possible is the London suburb

that houses the England Rugby Union national stadium.

-Could that be Twickenham?

-It could be Twickenham.

Let's find out. Here is your red line.

If you can get below that red line you're through to the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Twickenham?

It most definitely is Twickenham.

Very well done.

59 it scored you. That's good enough.

APPLAUSE Sees you very comfortably through.

Well done, Sarah.

That's great. 81 is your total.

Yeah, Twickenham. Absolutely.

The stadium, famously, was a cabbage patch

when the RFU bought it in 1907.

There we are. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Tom, 64 or less gets you into the head-to-head.

I'll take a bit of, hopefully, an educated guess,

but I'm just going to go for a posh school for the bottom one

and say Eton.

Eton, says Tom. Here's your red line.

If you can get below that with Eton, you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Yep, you're through. Well done.

33. Good score. APPLAUSE

It takes your total up to 68.

Well done, Tom.

Yeah, also famously attended

by David Cameron and Boris Yeltsin.

LAUGHTER Thank you very much, Richard.

Now then, Joel, I'm afraid to say, you're the high-scorers,

even at this point.

Do you want to talk us through the board, Joel?

I think I know the first one, so I'm going to go with that one.

-Say Henley-upon-Thames.

-Henley.

-Yep.

Henley-upon-Thames.

I see what you're doing there. Just trying to get in there.

Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Henley.

It's right. Well done.

That's a very good answer, Joel.

Very well done. Very respectable.

21. APPLAUSE

But 121, I'm afraid, is your total.

Yeah, well played, Joel. Nice end to the round, though.

The 9th century Saxon town, this is a very hard question, this one.

-Don't know this one.

-Cricklade.

-Ah.

-Cricklade is the answer.

Would've scored you 1 point, so very well done if you said that.

-This one...

-This is Runnymede.

-Runnymede. Exactly right.

That's where the Magna Carta was signed. 23 points for that.

-And this one?

-I don't know this one.

Gravesend would've scored you 10 points.

So, Cricklade is the best answer on that board.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, at the and of our second round, the pair who are heading home

with our high score of 121, I'm sorry Joel and...

-Lucas, did you know some of those answers?

-I did.

I'm an idiot. My mind just went blank.

Anyway, we'll see you again next time.

Your mind will be full of answers, I'm sure.

And I hope you'll do much better, but meantime, thanks very much.

Joel and Lucas. APPLAUSE

But for Sarah and Joan, Tom and Emilia,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Very well done, Tom and Emilia, Sarah and Joan.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £8,000.

There we are. APPLAUSE

Oh, we're getting closer and closer to that huge jackpot.

Well, you know what the rule is here.

You can start playing as a team.

You can chat before you give your answers.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

A Question Of Sport team captains, Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures of team captains

on A Question Of Sport.

Can you identify them, please?

OK, that's reveal our A Question Of Sport team captains,

and here they are. We've got...

There we go.

Five A Question Of Sport team captains.

Tom and Emilia, you're our low scorers so you'll go first.

I know three of them,

so it's just trying to figure out

which one will score the least.

I think I'm going to go for E,

which is Ally McCoist.

E, Ally McCoist, say Tom and Emilia. Ally McCoist.

Now, Sarah and Joan, do you want to talk us through that board?

-I think D is Phil Tufnell.

-Yeah.

And A is Willie Carson.

We'll try A, Willie Carson.

A, Willie Carson. We have Ally McCoist and Willie Carson.

Tom and Emilia went for Ally McCoist for E. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is Ally McCoist.

And it scores you 29. APPLAUSE

29 for Ally McCoist.

Now, Sarah and Joan have gone for Willie Carson for A.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Willie Carson.

It's right.

Ooh! Oh, 32. APPLAUSE

32. So nearly there. I knew this was going to be close.

But very well done, Tom and Emilia. After one question, you're up 1-0.

Good battle there.

There's only one answer that would've beaten Ally McCoist.

Let's take a look at who it was.

B was a bigger scorer.

That's John Parrott, of course.

Would've scored 38.

C is the best answer. It's one of

the original team captains.

It's the late, great Cliff Morgan.

Would've scored you 10 points.

Very well done if you said that.

And D, of course, is Phil Tufnell.

That's the biggest scorer.

Would've scored you 60.

There we are. Thanks very much indeed.

OK, here comes your second question, Sarah and Joan.

You get to answer first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game,

so best of luck. It concerns...

ABBA. Richard.

We're going to show you five clues now to facts about ABBA.

Can you give us the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Sarah and Joan, you go first.

-SHE WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY

-Yeah.

Um, yeah.

I think we're going to go for the form of transport

featured on the album cover.

We think it's an aeroplane.

An aeroplane, say Sarah and Joan. Aeroplane.

Now, and Tom and Emilia, that board is all yours.

So, we have a friend at university who's gone on a year abroad

to Sweden and he told me that if I visited him

he lived in the town or city where the ABBA museum is.

So, we're going to guess that the Swedish city

where the ABBA museum opened in 2013 is Upsala.

Uppsala. Uppsala.

OK, so, we have an aeroplane and we have Uppsala.

Sarah and Joan has said an aeroplane

featured on the front cover of Arrival.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said aeroplane.

Nope. I'm afraid not an aeroplane.

Which means, Tom and Emilia,

you merely have to be correct with Uppsala.

Uppsala, the Swedish city where you find the ABBA museum.

Is it right? How many people said Uppsala?

-No.

-Oh!

-Not Uppsala either. So, there we are.

After two questions, Tom and Emilia are up 1-0.

What's the name of this friend of yours, Emilia?

LAUGHTER

-Simon.

-Simon. Yeah, typical.

-Simple Simon, do they call him?

-LAUGHTER

It's in Stockholm. That's the answer there.

Near Uppsala, but Stockholm is the answer.

Would've scored you 38 points. Now, it's not an aeroplane.

-It's a helicopter.

-Oh.

-6 points for that.

The title of ABBA's only US number one single if you had to guess?

-Waterloo?

-Dancing Queen.

-Dancing Queen.

-Dancing Queen.

Waterloo would've been too early. 10 points for that.

The group in which Benny Anderson played keyboards was the Hep Stars.

Well done if you got that. 1 point.

You might know this bottom one. The Abba-esque EP. Do you remember?

-I do remember. That was Erasure.

-Erasure.

-Yeah.

-It would've scored 11 points.

-Thank you very much indeed.

OK, here comes your third question.

Tom and Emilia, you get to answer it first,

but Sarah and Joan, you have to win it

to stay in the game, so best of luck. It concerns...

Adaptations of John le Carre novels.

We're going to show you the titles of five John le Carre novels

all adapted for film or TV,

but we're missing out the last word of each title.

Can you fill it in, please?

OK, let's reveal our five adaptations with missing words,

and here they are.

We have...

Tom and Emilia, you'll go first.

We're a bit unsure because we think we can fill in one of them

but we're not sure if we're just thinking of an adaptation.

It might not be of a John le Carre novel, but...

-I think we should go for it.

-Yeah, should we?

-Yeah.

-OK. Go on, then.

I think it's The Constant Gardener.

The Constant Gardener, say Tom and Emilia.

Now, Sarah and Joan, do you want to talk us through that board?

SHE WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY

I think it's The Russia House. I don't know about The Tailor Of.

I think The Looking Glass War, is it?

And Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy will be really huge.

Shall we go with The Russia House? Yeah. We'll choose The Russia House.

The Russia House.

So, we have The Constant Gardener and The Russia House.

Tom and Emilia went for The Constant Gardener.

Let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

48. APPLAUSE

48 for The Constant Gardener.

Sarah and Joan have gone for The Russia House.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

Good answer, and it wins you the point.

Look at that. There we go.

18. That's exactly what you needed. APPLAUSE

Sarah and Joan, you're back in the game.

After three questions, it's 1-1.

Great answer. Very well played.

-Let's fill in these gaps. It's The Tailor Of...

-Panama.

-..Panama.

And that would've scored you 16. You're right.

It is The Looking Glass War. Would've scored you 20 points.

One of my favourite novels

and I'm excited now cos I didn't realise they made a film of it.

It's from the late '60s, so I shall go and seek that out.

What, The Looking Glass War?

I thought you were going to say Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

No. I know they've done that. I know they've done that.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.

89 points for that.

There we go. Thank you very much indeed.

OK, here comes the fourth question. This is the decider, I hope.

Whoever wins this goes through and plays for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. It concerns...

Deserts, Richard.

Going to show you the names of five deserts now in the form of anagrams.

Can you unscramble them? If you give us the most obscure answer,

you're going through to play for that £8,000.

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five anagrams of deserts.

Here they are. We've got...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Sarah and Joan, you will go first this time.

THEY WHISPER INDISTINCTLY

Yeah, yeah. OK.

-Shall we go for...?

-Mojave...

-Mojave.

-..for JA MOVE.

For JA MOVE, the one that has all the letters of Mojave in.

Tom and Emilia, do you want to talk us through that board?

I think the bottom one is Arabian. The third one is Sahara.

I don't know the second one.

I think we're going to go for the top one,

which hopefully is the Kalahari.

Kalahari. So, we have Mojave and we have Kalahari.

Now, Sarah and Joan went for Mojave.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

Mojave is absolutely right.

32. APPLAUSE

Tom and Emilia have gone for Kalahari

for the top one, HAKA RAIL.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Kalahari.

It's right.

And it wins you the point. There we are.

Look at that. 18 for Kalahari.

Well done, Tom and Emilia.

We got there in the end. APPLAUSE

After four questions, you are through to the final 2-1.

Yeah, very well played.

Kalahari also is where Simon thinks the ABBA museum is.

LAUGHTER

The second one is the best answer. We'll leave that till last.

You're right about Sahara, the third one down.

Would've scored you 60.

You're right about Arabian at the bottom.

Quite a low score for Arabian - 21.

And this second one is the best answer on the board

by quite a long way.

Anyone who's been in Australia might know it.

Anyone who's just very good at anagrams might know it.

-Great Victoria Desert.

-Mm.

Great Victoria, 2 points, so very well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid, it's Sarah and Joan.

This is where we say goodbye. We'll see you next time.

We look forward to that. Meantime, thanks very much,

Sarah and Joan. APPLAUSE

But for Tom and Emilia, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Very well done, Tom and Emilia.

You've seen off all your competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Yay!

-Yay!

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £8,000.

APPLAUSE

You don't need me to remind you there's a lot hanging on this round.

It could be fantastic.

Let's see what today's choices are for your category.

-They are not looking good.

-Not so good for us.

-I think we'll go for...

-For the top one, yeah.

It's all Tom. Tom will go for the top one.

OK, you're going for Alliterative Sportsmen And Their Victories.

-Richard.

-OK, good luck.

We are looking for any boxers beaten by Lennox Lewis

during his professional career.

We are looking for any players beaten by Andre Agassi

when he won Wimbledon in 1992,

or we're looking for any players who played in the final round

of the Open Championship in 2012 and were beaten by Ernie Els.

So, boxers beaten by Lennox Lewis,

players beaten by Agassi at Wimbledon in 1992,

players in the final round of the Open Championship in 2012

beaten by Ernie Els.

Very best of luck.

OK, as always, you've got one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that jackpot

is for one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. There you are.

Your time starts now.

Bubba Watson is a golfer. Don't know. Maybe not. You go.

Yeah. We could say that.

-I'm trying to think of tennis players from the

-'90s. Yeah.

-I don't think we really know boxers, do we?

-No, I don't know any boxers.

I'm trying to think who...

Any tennis...?

-Maybe some people who were coming up at the time in 1992...

-Yeah.

-..might have been beaten by him.

-Yeah.

-Lleyton Hewitt.

-Yeah.

Potentially... I don't know.

-Maybe Roger Federer was beaten by him when he was coming up.

-Yeah.

That's probably...

That's a while ago, but yeah.

-I can't think of any boxers at all.

-No, it's not good.

I was hoping for some football.

So, golfers that have won recently

but might have been defeated in 2012?

I don't know. I only know Bubba Watson.

-Yeah, we'll go with Bubba Watson.

-That's a complete punt.

-Ten seconds left.

-But you have two tennis players?

Yeah. Lleyton Hewitt and Mark Philippoussis.

-I trust you.

-I don't.

-THEY LAUGH

OK, that's your time up.

I now need your three answers and each category your answering.

This is almost definitely going to be wrong.

It's the only golfer whose name I know.

It might not even be his name. Bubba Watson.

-OK, Bubba Watson.

-For golfer.

-OK, Bubba Watson.

-And then for the tennis players, Lleyton Hewitt...

-Lleyton Hewitt.

..and Mark Philippoussis.

-And Mark Philippoussis.

-But I think they're a bit too late, but...

Of those answers,

which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Maybe Mark Philippoussis.

-Mark Philippoussis goes last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Bubba Watson.

-Bubba Watson.

He's got to go in there somewhere.

-And then we put Lleyton Hewitt in the middle.

-Mm-hm.

OK, let's put those up on the board in that order then,

and here they are.

Your answers are Bubba Watson, Lleyton Hewitt

and Mark Philippoussis.

Well, very, very good luck.

If you were to win that £8,000 jackpot, what would you do with it?

Tom, you first.

It's a lot of money. I think I'd try and go on holiday.

My friend's band are playing at a festival in Barcelona,

so I'd quite like to go to see that.

Marvellous. Emilia, what would you like to do?

I've got a pretty massive student loan,

but I think with that amount of money,

my mum has had a bit of a rubbish year

so I'd like to take her on holiday somewhere hot.

That would be nice. Very good indeed.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three answers, as I say, on the board.

Three shots at today's jackpot. Your first answer was Bubba Watson.

In this case, we were looking for golfers

beaten by Ernie Els in 2012.

If it is pointless, it will win you £8,000.

You were determined to get Bubba Watson on this board, Emilia,

and here he is.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Bubba Watson? Is it pointless?

Is it right?

-It's right.

-Oh, my...

LAUGHTER

Bubba Watson is a correct answer.

Now, if this goes all the way down to zero,

you will leave here with £8,000.

Down it goes through the teens

into single figures.

Still going down.

-Down it goes. Oh, no!

-Oh!

-We stop at 2.

We stop at 2 for Bubba Watson. APPLAUSE

-Wow. That's a great answer.

-Thank you.

It's a great answer.

I'm afraid it's not pointless, that's the only trouble.

At this stage of the game, they have to be pointless,

but still can't take away from what a good answer that was.

-I'm just happy it was right.

-Yeah. Well, there you are.

Two more shots at today's jackpot. Your next answer was Lleyton Hewitt.

In this case we were looking for tennis players

beaten by Andre Agassi at Wimbledon in 1992.

Lleyton Hewitt.

It has to be right and pointless for you to win.

For £8,000, how many people said Lleyton Hewitt?

Ooh, no. I'm afraid not Lleyton Hewitt.

Not Lleyton Hewitt,

which means you've only got one more shot at £8,000.

Your next answer was Mark Philippoussis.

Again, we were looking for tennis players

beaten by Andre Agassi in 1992.

For £8,000, how many people said Mark Philippoussis?

-Oh, no!

-Aw!

-I'm sorry.

APPLAUSE Oh.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

-So exciting, that first answer there.

-Yeah.

Oh, I thought we were set fair for a nice jackpot handover there.

-I should've let Emilia name some more golfers.

-Yeah.

-Somewhere in there I've got...

-Clearly.

I'm so sorry you didn't manage

to find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £8,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

I'm sorry that you didn't take the jackpot home.

You do get to take home a Pointless trophy, so there we are.

Tom and Emilia, well done. APPLAUSE

Yeah, it's been lovely having you here as well.

Thank you for joining us. The tennis one was impossible.

I mean, don't go anywhere near it.

Boxing and golf are gimmes

for anyone who knows anything about boxing or golf.

There are so many pointless answers, and big answers as well.

Well, that's take a look at Lennox Lewis first.

Some of the boxers he beat. Big names here.

Donovan Ruddock. Gary Mason is a pointless answer. Tony Tucker.

Vitali Klitschko, which was his last win. That's a pointless answer.

Derek Williams, Francois Botha, Glenn McCrory.

Hasim Rahman is a pointless answer.

Henry Akinwande is a pointless answer.

Everybody, apart from Tyson, Bruno, Holyfield, McCall and Briggs.

Every other Lennox Lewis victory was a pointless answer,

so well done if you got one of those.

Andre Agassi, much harder.

Scores for Becker, McEnroe and Ivanisevic,

but here are your four pointless answers.

Chesnokov, Saceanu, Rostagno and Masso.

Very well done if you got any of those. Incredibly good knowledge.

Now, golf, there are 82 answers here and 72 of them are pointless.

72 pointless answers. Let's take a look at a few of them.

Brandt Snedeker, Jim Furyk, Matt Kuchar, Vijay Singh.

All sorts of big names.

Dustin Johnson, Geoff Ogilvy, Graeme McDowell, Jamie Donaldson.

John Daly is a pointless answer.

Keegan Bradley, Louis Oosthuizen, Miguel Angel Jimenez,

Paul Lawrie, Retief Goosen, Rickie Fowler, Thomas Bjorn.

Zach Johnson, who won in 2015. Loads of pointless answers.

The only ones that scored points -

Woods, McIlroy, Harrington, Westwood, Bubba Watson,

Ian Poulter, Tom Watson, Adam Scott, Luke Donald and Hunter Mahan.

Every single other answer - 72 of them - were pointless answers,

so very well done at home, but you do not win £8,000.

We would bankrupt the BBC, I'm afraid.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye, Tom and Emilia,

We've loved having you. Thanks for playing. Tom and Emilia.

APPLAUSE Brilliant, brilliant contestants.

Well, Tom and Emilia didn't win our jackpot today,

which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £9,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye for me. Goodbye. APPLAUSE