Episode 44 Pointless


Episode 44

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APPLAUSE

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Thank you very much indeed.

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Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

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the show where obvious answers mean nothing

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and obscure answers mean everything.

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Let's meet today's players.

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And couple number one.

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Hello, I'm Derek, this is my wife, Kathy,

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and we're from Grimsby.

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Couple number two.

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Hi, I'm Ruth. This is my husband, Robb. We're from Halifax.

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Couple number three.

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Hi, I'm Martin. This is my wife, Sarah.

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We're from Runcorn.

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And, finally, couple number four.

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Hi, I'm Colette, this is my friend, Toni, and we're from Belfast.

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And these are today's contestants.

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APPLAUSE

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Thanks very much, all of you. A warm welcome to the show.

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We'll find out more about each of you

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throughout the show as it goes along.

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So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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I actually think he's losing his touch.

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Earlier, he couldn't even tell me

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where guacamole came on the periodic table.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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-Hiya.

-APPLAUSE

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Hi, everybody.

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-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

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Now, an interesting thing in the last couple of shows.

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You know on our end board, we have categories

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that sometimes stay around for ages and ages and ages.

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Years ago, we had Katie Price for years and years,

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but we've had two categories in the last two shows

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that have been chosen that were around for a long time.

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Very dusty, weren't they?

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We had Roaring '20s a couple of shows ago,

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and they won the jackpot on that.

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And then, the last show, we finally got rid of Sport In Leeds.

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-Yes.

-Didn't we? Lovely Jeremy and Ben.

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-Jeremy and Ben taking it off our hands.

-Yes, decent of them.

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They didn't win the jackpot, don't panic.

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But often is the case when these things get taken off the board

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that we give away the jackpot.

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We've got two returning pairs from that show.

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Robb and Ruth got all the way through to the head-to-head.

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Very well played. Robb is a vicar.

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-I'm not kidding you, he's a vicar.

-LAUGHTER

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Martin and Sarah got knocked out in Round One.

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So hopefully we'll see an awful lot more of them this time.

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Ahh. Now, I'll tell you what's nice is, um...

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Colette and Toni on the far podium, there.

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It's like that time we had Swank and Hilary. Remember?

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LAUGHTER

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Toni Collette. I sometimes wish people would stand the right way

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round when they've got celebrity names.

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Ah, well. There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

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Yes, Jeremy and Ben, as you'll have gathered,

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didn't win the jackpot, so we add another £1,000 to that.

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So today's jackpot starts off at £2,000.

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There it is. APPLAUSE

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Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

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So, all you have to remember, as ever, is this -

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the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

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will be eliminated. Best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category this afternoon...

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..is Film Stars. Film Stars.

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Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

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who's going to go second?

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And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

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OK. And the question concerns...

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Actors And The Films They Starred In. Richard.

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On each board, we're going to show you seven pairs of films

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and the initials of an actor who starred in both of those films.

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Please, can you tell us who that actor is?

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It's going to be 14 in all to have a go at at home.

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Very, very best of luck. I am just hoping beyond hope

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that Toni Collette is not on the board,

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otherwise we've really messed up.

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This early, we've really messed up.

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Yes. OK. Thank you.

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Fingers crossed. Thank you. OK.

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So we are looking for the names of the actors

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that starred in these pairs of films.

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And here is our first board of seven.

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I'll read those again a little bit faster.

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Derek, welcome to Pointless.

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Here from Grimsby. What do you do, Derek?

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I'm a retired teacher.

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-How long have you been retired?

-The last two years.

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Ooh. Do you look back fondly on the days of teaching,

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-or are you delighted in the mornings?

-A bit of both.

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A little bit of both.

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What do you fill your time with now?

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I play in a band. I play drums in a band and I play golf.

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You can tell he plays drums.

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Drummers are always very fit, aren't they?

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He looks in good shape, Derek, is what I am saying.

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How long have you been playing drums?

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-Years and years and years?

-Years and years, yes. Since I was 15.

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You've been in bands ever since?

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Off and on. But, more recently, a little bit more regularly.

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OK. What's the band you're in now? What sort of band is it?

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It is called Ally's Cat,

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and it's a kind of wedding/birthday party type band.

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Very nice. Very nice indeed.

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Now, Derek, what would you like to go for on our board?

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Film's not my favourite category,

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but I'm pleased to see there's one up there I do know.

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So I'm going to go for Goldeneye and Thomas Crown Affair -

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-Pierce Brosnan.

-Pierce Brosnan, says Derek.

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Let's see if it's right,

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let's see how many of our 100 people said Pierce Brosnan.

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It's right.

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62. APPLAUSE

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62. Not bad.

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Yep, that was his first Bond film.

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Of course, Thomas Crown Affair, a remake of the Steve McQueen film.

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Indeed, yes. Now, Ruth, welcome back to Pointless.

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True to the head-to-head. Very close head-to-head it was, too.

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-Very exciting.

-Very exciting indeed.

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Remind us what you do, Ruth.

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I'm a clinical psychologist.

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A clinical psychologist, but also you play the bass.

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-I do.

-In your rock mass.

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In the rock mass, yes, and also in a kind of pub band as well.

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I see, OK. And your pub band - is it like Derek's? Do you play...?

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We play mostly kind of, er... stadium rock, hair metal,

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so Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, that kind of stuff.

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-"Hair metal"?

-Yeah.

-I've never heard it called... Is that...?

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-Yeah, that's bands like Poison, with the long...

-Big hair.

-OK.

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OK. Did you headbang?

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I try, yeah.

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-I bet you do it very well.

-Thank you.

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Now, Ruth, what would you like to go for?

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I think I know a couple of them,

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but I'm going to go for Shakespeare In Love and Iron Man

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with Gwyneth Paltrow.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, says Ruth.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

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There we are. APPLAUSE

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33.

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Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow. That shows some range, doesn't it?

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Well, it does. And I tell you what,

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I'm glad it's Gwyneth Paltrow, cos I was just thinking,

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"I can't really remember Geoffrey Palmer in either of those."

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LAUGHTER

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But it just seemed perfectly feasible

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that he might have been in Shakespeare In Love. There we are.

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-Anyway. Now, Sarah, welcome back.

-Hi.

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Now, remind us what you do, Sarah.

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I work in an ice rink in a cafe.

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Remind us what you do in your spare time.

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What sort of things do you like getting up to?

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I am a black belt in karate.

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-That's good to know.

-Yeah.

-Good.

-Handy to have.

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Yeah, maybe they'll go beyond the first round this time.

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-Yeah, I'd have thought so.

-LAUGHTER

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-I don't know about that.

-What else do you get up to?

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I like making my own jewellery,

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especially charm bracelets and things.

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-I've just started doing that.

-Do you sell that, or...?

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Not at the minute, no, but it's something I'm looking into.

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-Very good indeed.

-Definitely for the future.

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-OK. Now, Sarah.

-Yes.

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Sarah, what would you like to go for on this board?

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Well, I've seen Knocked Up.

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I just cannot think off the top of my head who it is.

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So I'm going to have to play it really, really, really safe

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and say, for the bottom one...

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the Rocky one, Sylvester Stallone.

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-Sylvester Stallone?

-Yes.

-OK.

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Well, 62's our high score at this point.

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Let's see where you get with Sylvester Stallone.

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APPLAUSE 85.

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-High score.

-Yeah. Better than 100, though.

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He became only the third person in history

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to be nominated for acting and writing

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in the same year at the Oscars, Sylvester Stallone. Both for Rocky.

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That's good.

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-I forgot he wrote Rocky.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Collette, welcome to Pointless.

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Lovely to have you here.

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What do you do in Belfast?

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I'm a civil servant.

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Are you the kind of civil servant I can ask what you do?

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-No, you can't ask.

-OK.

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OK, I'll just have to force it out of you. Um...

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LAUGHTER

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Um, Collette, what do you get up to

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when the civil service is behind you?

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I've been learning Italian for the last 18 months,

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and I've actually practised something

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I would like to say to you, if that's OK?

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-I'd be delighted to hear it.

-Yeah?

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Ricardo, lui e multo intelligente,

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e Alessandro e un tesoro.

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-How dare you?!

-LAUGHTER

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So you're very intelligent...

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and I'm a Tazer.

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No, you're a sweetheart.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ahh.

-Ah, thank you, that's nice.

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LAUGHTER

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Um, thank you very much. Gosh, your Italian's brilliant.

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-Thank you, I've a good teacher.

-Wonderful.

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So have you been to Italy since learning?

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Yes, I've been to Venice and Florence. I love Venice.

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We went on the Orient Express for our 25th wedding anniversary.

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-Wow.

-It was fantastic.

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-Was it everything you'd hoped it would be?

-It was.

-Wonderful.

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Wonderful. Now, Collette, you're the last person to have this board.

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If you wanted to, you could talk us through it.

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Well, I think I know them all except one.

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The first one is Seth Rogen.

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I don't know the Sixteen Candles,

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though I should know The Breakfast Club.

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The Citizen Kane is Orson Welles,

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And the Jurassic Park is Jeff Goldblum.

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So, um...

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I think I'll go for Seth Rogen.

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Seth Rogen, says Collette. Let's see if that's right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Seth Rogen.

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It's right.

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Well, 33 is our low score at this point,

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and you pass it, Collette.

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Down to 22. Very well done indeed.

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APPLAUSE

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22 for Seth Rogen.

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It's very good work, Collette. She's clever, Collette, isn't she?

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-She's good.

-Whatever the Italian for clever is, you are it.

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Now, the best answer on the board is the one you didn't know,

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so we'll get on to that last.

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Citizen Kane, you are absolutely right about, it's Orson Welles.

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That would have scored 44,

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and Jurassic Park/Independence Day is Jeff Goldblum.

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Would have scored you 24.

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And Xander, Sixteen Candles/ The Breakfast Club?

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I'm trying to work it out. Is it an...?

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Is it a male or female actor?

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-Female.

-OK.

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It is...

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-Molly Ringwald.

-There we go.

-Molly Ringwald. Good.

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-That would have scored 17 points.

-Best answer on the board.

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Even after you'd said it was female,

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I couldn't get Michael Rosen out of my mind...

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LAUGHTER ..the Children's Laureate. Yep. Could not shift him.

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Anyway, there we are. Thank you. We're halfway through the round.

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22 was the best score of that pass.

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Well done you, Collette.

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Collette and Toni looking very good at that far end there..

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Then we travel up to 33, where we find Ruth and Robb.

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Then up 62, Derek and Kathy,

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and then Sarah and Martin ahead there on 85.

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You are not miles ahead.

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But Martin, a nice low score from you would do a lot of good for you.

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We're going to come back down the line.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, let's put seven more films...

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pairs of films, I should say, up on the board and here they are.

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I'll read those all one last time.

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Toni, welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Toni?

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I'm well and truly retired.

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What did you do?

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I was a physio in my previous life.

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And when did you retire?

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Ooh, about 12 years ago.

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Very nice. What do you get up to?

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-Well, I have a passion in life and that's bridge.

-Ahh.

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So that's really what I do.

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-It is one of those games that it can take over your life.

-It does.

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-In a wonderful way. Very sociable thing to be doing.

-It is, it is.

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Does Collette play bridge with you at all?

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We're members of the same bridge club,

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but we don't actually partner each other.

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-I see, I see.

-There's a story there, isn't there?

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Oh, I think so. LAUGHTER

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Firstly, we don't know what Collette does for a job, and now Toni's like,

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"Yeah, no, I know her but I wouldn't play bridge with the woman."

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LAUGHTER

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Yeah. OK. Now, Toni, what would you like to go for?

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62 or less is your target.

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I'm going to go for a local fellow,

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who's Liam Neeson...

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-out of Taken.

-Liam Neeson, says Toni.

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Here's your red line, nice and high.

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Get below that with Liam Neeson, you're through to Round Two.

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How many people said Liam Neeson?

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Well done. Liam Neeson's done everything you required of him.

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APPLAUSE 37 is your score.

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59, your total.

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Well played, Toni. I love Liam Neeson.

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I think he might be my favourite non-indie actor.

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Whenever you see Liam Neeson's in a film,

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you think, "It's going to be halfway decent."

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Apparently, when they offered him Taken,

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which obviously has been a huge success for him now,

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with all its spin-offs,

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he thought it'd be a huge flop but he said, "I'll do it,"

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because he got to spend four months in Paris and learn karate.

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He thought, "I fancy doing both of those things, so I'll do it."

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And it's made him very, very wealthy, that franchise.

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It certainly has. My goodness.

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Now, Martin.

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Welcome back. Now, remind us what you do, Martin.

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IT support.

0:14:300:14:32

IT support, but you're also the coach

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-of the England Wheelchair Rugby Union team.

-Correct.

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But you said, last time...

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You said there were three disciplines.

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There is, there's the Paralympic version,

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-which everyone's probably seen on TV.

-Yeah.

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There's a version based on Rugby League,

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and there's this version, based on Rugby Union.

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Union as well. But you play all three?

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-I play all three, yes.

-Just because, why not?

-Exactly.

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And are you actually in the national side?

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The Rugby Union side?

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I'm player-manager.

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-Player-manager?

-Yeah.

0:15:000:15:02

Wow. And has it affected your game?

0:15:020:15:04

Have you had a touch of the Alistair Cooks?

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-Being, um...

-No, not really.

0:15:070:15:08

The first person on the sheet is my name, obviously.

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LAUGHTER

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Very important. What position do you play?

0:15:120:15:14

Either full-back or as a winger.

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I see. OK.

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Now then, Martin.

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How are we feeling about this board? Because we have to have a low score.

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There's no way we can send you home at the end of the first round.

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There's two or three that I know.

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One very dodgy, but I'm not risking it,

0:15:300:15:33

so I'm going to go for the top one

0:15:330:15:35

and go for Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:350:15:37

Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:370:15:39

Let's see if that's right.

0:15:390:15:40

There's no red line for you, as you're the high-scorers.

0:15:400:15:43

But let's see how far down the column

0:15:430:15:45

you get with Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:450:15:46

That's a good answer. APPLAUSE

0:15:530:15:55

Well done, Martin.

0:15:550:15:56

28, taking your total up to 113.

0:15:560:15:59

Could have kept yourself in the game there.

0:15:590:16:01

Yeah. Well played, Martin. Nice answer.

0:16:010:16:03

Both good films, actually. Jason Sudeikis is in both of them as well.

0:16:030:16:06

-Ah, nice.

-Have you seen We're The Millers? Good film.

0:16:060:16:08

-I haven't, no.

-You would like it.

-I...

0:16:080:16:11

I'll watch it. LAUGHTER

0:16:120:16:14

Good.

0:16:140:16:16

And then I'll let you know what I think of it.

0:16:160:16:19

I'm not around Tuesday.

0:16:190:16:21

So let me know Wednesday, Thursday at the latest.

0:16:220:16:26

Thursday evening?

0:16:270:16:28

I'm out between seven and sort of nine.

0:16:290:16:34

But, after that, I'm around.

0:16:340:16:36

HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

0:16:360:16:38

LAUGHTER

0:16:380:16:39

OK, now, Robb.

0:16:390:16:41

Robb... Robb's a vicar.

0:16:410:16:43

-Robb is a vicar.

-Robb's...

0:16:430:16:45

HE LAUGHS

0:16:450:16:46

Robb is a vicar. You're a Church of England priest.

0:16:460:16:49

-That's right.

-In Halifax.

-Yeah.

0:16:490:16:51

Once a month, you put on a rock mass.

0:16:510:16:54

That's right.

0:16:540:16:55

But then presumably, the rest of the time, there's no rock'n'roll at all,

0:16:550:16:58

it's all fairly... Is it fairly...?

0:16:580:17:01

-We're quite a lively parish, so we have lots of fun.

-OK.

0:17:010:17:04

It's all-age all the time,

0:17:040:17:06

so we generally have lots of little kids running around everywhere.

0:17:060:17:09

We do, on a Sunday morning, occasionally bring our instruments,

0:17:090:17:13

another once a month thing.

0:17:130:17:14

I play less solos on a Sunday morning than I do at the rock mass,

0:17:140:17:18

but I still play the Les Paul.

0:17:180:17:20

Very good. How long does rock mass last?

0:17:200:17:23

Generally about an hour and a half, hour and three quarters,

0:17:230:17:26

by the time we've sung everything

0:17:260:17:28

and thrown in an extra couple of "hymns" because we want to.

0:17:280:17:31

XANDER LAUGHS

0:17:310:17:33

Do you have someone playing support beforehand, for matins?

0:17:330:17:36

We've generally got videos playing in the background.

0:17:360:17:39

OK. That's very good. Is it packed, the church?

0:17:390:17:44

Um, rock mass tends to get... The best it's been - 100?

0:17:440:17:48

Which isn't bad for a Sunday evening

0:17:480:17:50

in a council estate in a church hall.

0:17:500:17:52

Not bad, yeah. Wow.

0:17:520:17:53

Now, you're on 33.

0:17:530:17:55

If you can score 79 or less, you are into Round Two.

0:17:550:17:59

It's really irritating, cos both of my best answers have been taken

0:17:590:18:02

and I'd like to have a crack at the bottom one,

0:18:020:18:05

but I'm going to play it safe

0:18:050:18:07

and say Fight Club and Ocean's Eleven, Brad Pitt.

0:18:070:18:10

Brad Pitt, you're saying.

0:18:100:18:12

Here's your red line. You have to get below that with Brad Pitt.

0:18:120:18:15

Let's see if you can.

0:18:150:18:16

It's right. You're through.

0:18:180:18:20

63. There we are. APPLAUSE

0:18:210:18:24

Not bad. 96 is your total.

0:18:240:18:27

It's Edward Norton, his co-star in Fight Club.

0:18:270:18:30

Said he broke his thumb on Brad Pitt's stomach,

0:18:300:18:33

cos it was so hard.

0:18:330:18:34

-Wow.

-That's good going, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:18:360:18:39

-There you go. Kathy. Welcome.

-Hello.

-Great to have you here from Grimsby.

0:18:390:18:43

-What do you do, Kathy?

-I'm a retired teacher, too.

0:18:430:18:46

Also a retired teacher. What did you teach?

0:18:460:18:49

Um, started off teaching secondary English and art.

0:18:490:18:53

Then, when I had young children, I changed to primary teaching

0:18:530:18:58

and I've also taught English as a foreign language.

0:18:580:19:02

Lots and lots of disciplines in there, Kathy.

0:19:020:19:05

This is great training for Pointless, surely.

0:19:050:19:07

What do you get up to these days, what do you like to do?

0:19:070:19:10

We look after our two little grandsons one day a week,

0:19:100:19:14

and when we're not doing that, I like to read, go to the theatre...

0:19:140:19:19

..do lots and lots of yoga.

0:19:210:19:23

-Very good.

-Cryptic crosswords.

0:19:230:19:25

Perfect. Again, very good for Pointless.

0:19:250:19:27

Now then, you're on 62.

0:19:270:19:29

50 or less gets you through.

0:19:290:19:31

Do you fancy talking us through that board, Kathy,

0:19:310:19:34

-and filling in the blanks?

-Well, I wish I could.

0:19:340:19:36

I knew Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

0:19:360:19:40

And the only other one I know is, I'm sure going to be higher than 52.

0:19:400:19:44

But I'm going to have to go for Pretty Woman and Erin Brockovich.

0:19:440:19:47

Julia Roberts.

0:19:470:19:48

Julia Roberts, says Kathy.

0:19:480:19:50

Here's your red line. There it is.

0:19:500:19:52

So how many of our 100 people said Julia Roberts?

0:19:520:19:55

It's right.

0:19:570:19:59

Oh, I'm sorry, Kathy -

0:19:590:20:00

75 for Julia Roberts. APPLAUSE

0:20:000:20:03

137 is your total.

0:20:040:20:06

Yeah, a big score, I'm afraid. When she played Erin Brockovich,

0:20:060:20:09

first time a woman's been paid 20 million for a film,

0:20:090:20:13

-Julia Roberts. Not bad money, is it?

-Good going.

0:20:130:20:16

Let's look at the High Noon and Rear Window one.

0:20:160:20:19

You will kick yourself, cos you'll know it. It's Grace Kelly.

0:20:190:20:22

-KATHY:

-Ugh, yes.

0:20:220:20:23

-Grace Kelly would scored you 13 points as well.

-Oh!

0:20:230:20:25

Would've been a terrific answer.

0:20:250:20:27

Just above that, one point more for Emma Stone.

0:20:270:20:30

Would've scored 14.

0:20:300:20:32

And the one at the bottom?

0:20:320:20:33

-Natalie Portman.

-It is Natalie Portman. And that one...

0:20:330:20:36

Do you know something exciting?

0:20:360:20:38

Natalie Portman was filming V For Vendetta in our street in Islington,

0:20:380:20:44

with Stephen Fry.

0:20:440:20:46

Because I sort of know Stephen Fry a little bit,

0:20:460:20:48

I left him a note and said, "Come up. When you get a break,

0:20:480:20:51

"come up and have a drink with us."

0:20:510:20:53

-And he came and he brought Natalie Portman round.

-Did he?

0:20:530:20:56

The two of them sat in our kitchen.

0:20:560:20:58

Isn't that extraordinary? About half an hour.

0:20:580:21:00

Did you say to him, "She wasn't actually invited, Stephen.

0:21:000:21:02

-"I just invited you."?

-LAUGHTER

0:21:020:21:04

-"Now I've got this weird woman in my flat."

-Yeah.

0:21:040:21:07

And we had some friends who turned up for dinner.

0:21:070:21:10

They turned up and we said, "Oh, this is Stephen and Natalie.

0:21:100:21:13

"That's my friend Simon, Tilly."

0:21:140:21:16

-Oh, that's quite fun, isn't it?

-I know.

-It is.

0:21:160:21:18

-Natalie Portman.

-Natalie Portman.

0:21:180:21:20

Anyway, there we are. Thank you very much.

0:21:200:21:22

At the end of our first round, I'm afraid, Kathy and Derek,

0:21:220:21:25

you are the people we have to say goodbye to. 137, your total there.

0:21:250:21:27

Always tough being on that first podium.

0:21:270:21:30

We'll see you next time and I hope you'll do much, much better.

0:21:300:21:32

In the meantime, thanks very much, Kathy and Derek.

0:21:320:21:35

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:21:370:21:40

Well done, everyone.

0:21:440:21:46

We are through to Round Two.

0:21:460:21:48

Sarah and Martin, welcome.

0:21:480:21:49

Great to have you here with us.

0:21:490:21:51

And, Colette, a special mention to you for Seth Rogen there.

0:21:510:21:54

A brilliant answer and deservedly the lowest score of the round.

0:21:540:21:57

Best of luck to all three pairs.

0:21:570:21:59

Our category for Round Two this afternoon...

0:21:590:22:01

is Countries. Countries.

0:22:010:22:03

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

0:22:030:22:05

who's going to go second?

0:22:050:22:07

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

0:22:070:22:10

OK, let's find out what the question is.

0:22:120:22:14

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

0:22:140:22:18

..as they could.

0:22:220:22:23

Commonwealth Countries In The Northern Hemisphere. Richard.

0:22:230:22:26

Yes, we're looking for any country, apart from the UK,

0:22:260:22:28

that's a member of the Commonwealth of Nations

0:22:280:22:31

that has any of its territory north of the equator, please.

0:22:310:22:33

As always, by country,

0:22:330:22:35

we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in its own right.

0:22:350:22:38

Thank you very much indeed.

0:22:380:22:40

Now, Robb.

0:22:400:22:43

This is an absolutely horrific category for me.

0:22:430:22:47

Um, I've no idea.

0:22:470:22:49

Um, I'm going to guess at India.

0:22:490:22:52

OK, Robb is going to see India. Let's see if that's right.

0:22:520:22:56

Let's see how many of our 100 people said India.

0:22:560:22:58

It's right.

0:23:000:23:02

26. APPLAUSE

0:23:060:23:08

Yeah, India lies across the Tropic of Cancer. India.

0:23:120:23:15

Thanks very much indeed.

0:23:150:23:16

Now, Sarah, what would you like to go for?

0:23:160:23:20

I've got three in mind.

0:23:200:23:22

I think I might just play it really safe cos I know it might be right.

0:23:220:23:26

I think I'll pick Canada.

0:23:270:23:29

Canada, says Sarah.

0:23:290:23:31

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Canada.

0:23:310:23:34

Oh, 66 for Canada. APPLAUSE

0:23:380:23:41

Yeah, a founder member of the Commonwealth, Canada, in 1931.

0:23:440:23:47

That means it gets free membership - a founder member, of course.

0:23:470:23:50

Yes, this is certainly right.

0:23:500:23:52

Everyone else has to pay a subscription, don't they?

0:23:520:23:54

It's 25 quid a year or something.

0:23:540:23:55

And Canada not only gets it free,

0:23:550:23:57

-but also there's a special toilet they can use....

-That's right.

0:23:570:24:00

-..for founder members.

-Yeah, and special Commonwealth buttons.

0:24:000:24:03

It's slightly nicer.

0:24:030:24:05

It is. Do you know what, the difference - I have seen it -

0:24:050:24:07

is that the loo roll's in a V, that's about it.

0:24:070:24:10

-Always in a V. Well, no, nicer toiletries.

-Oh, some potpourri.

0:24:100:24:12

-Nicer toiletries.

-There you are.

0:24:120:24:14

-Also just there's never a queue.

-True.

0:24:140:24:16

Cos, you know, there's only Canada

0:24:160:24:18

and some of the other founding nations, yeah.

0:24:180:24:21

-Which we won't mention.

-We'd better not.

0:24:210:24:23

-Now, Colette.

-Hi.

0:24:230:24:25

Um...I think I'll play it safe, hopefully, and say New Zealand.

0:24:260:24:31

-New Zealand.

-No...

-Not in the northern hemisphere?

0:24:320:24:35

-Oh.

-Not as safe as it might have been.

0:24:350:24:37

LAUGHTER

0:24:370:24:39

New Zealand in the northern hemisphere?

0:24:390:24:42

We'll find out about that.

0:24:420:24:43

-Oops!

-Oh, I'm sorry, Colette.

0:24:460:24:49

I'm sorry.

0:24:490:24:50

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer and scores you 100 points.

0:24:500:24:54

Sorry, Colette, very much in the southern hemisphere, New Zealand.

0:24:540:24:57

-Sorry.

-Well, if you go so far south, maybe you end up coming...

0:24:570:25:01

LAUGHTER

0:25:010:25:03

Yeah. Well, we're halfway through the round.

0:25:030:25:05

Let's take a look at those scores..

0:25:050:25:07

26, Robb. Very well done indeed.

0:25:070:25:09

Sarah and Martin might well be into the head-to-head.

0:25:090:25:12

Martin, if you can find a nice low scoring answer.

0:25:120:25:15

Colette and Toni, you are quite ahead there.

0:25:150:25:18

So, Toni, unless you find a brilliant pointless answer.

0:25:180:25:21

I bet there are some. Good luck with that.

0:25:210:25:23

We're going to come back down the line.

0:25:230:25:25

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

0:25:250:25:28

So, Toni,

0:25:290:25:31

we're looking for Commonwealth countries which have all or part

0:25:310:25:34

of their territory in the northern hemisphere.

0:25:340:25:38

I'm very much hoping that Tonga is the northern hemisphere.

0:25:380:25:41

Tonga, says Toni.

0:25:410:25:43

No red line for you as you're the highest scorers.

0:25:430:25:45

Let's find out if Tonga's right, let's see how much Toni can score.

0:25:450:25:49

Hm, it's not.

0:25:490:25:50

-Oh! 200 Club!

-Oh, I'm sorry, Toni!

0:25:510:25:55

That's an incorrect answer - scores you 100 points,

0:25:550:25:58

takes your total up to 200.

0:25:580:25:59

Yeah, southern hemisphere as well, I'm afraid.

0:25:590:26:02

But 200 Club, you know?

0:26:020:26:04

-That's nice.

-It's a great place to be.

0:26:040:26:06

THEY have their own loo as well, which is, er...

0:26:060:26:08

LAUGHTER

0:26:080:26:10

The queue's getting longer for that one, though, isn't it?

0:26:100:26:13

It really is. And people sort of can't work the lock properly.

0:26:130:26:16

And you know what? It's a bit of a mess, if I'm going to be honest.

0:26:160:26:20

-Yeah.

-It could take a clean.

-It could.

0:26:200:26:22

Now, Martin. Martin, the good news is you're through.

0:26:220:26:25

Doesn't matter what you score.

0:26:250:26:27

So a little bit of pressure off there but let's have a great answer.

0:26:270:26:31

I was thinking of Denmark.

0:26:310:26:35

Denmark, says Martin. Let's see if Denmark's right.

0:26:350:26:37

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Denmark.

0:26:370:26:40

No red line - you're already through.

0:26:400:26:42

Oh, I'm afraid not Denmark.

0:26:440:26:46

But it is in the northern hemisphere, so there we are.

0:26:460:26:49

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 166.

0:26:490:26:52

If only we could combine the northern hemisphereness of Denmark

0:26:520:26:55

and the... "being in the Commonwealthness"

0:26:550:26:58

-of New Zealand and Tonga, we'd have the perfect answer.

-Amazing.

0:26:580:27:02

Amazing. Now, Ruth, again, you are also through, which is great news.

0:27:020:27:06

But let's have a good answer.

0:27:060:27:07

Robb, our lowest scorer so far.

0:27:070:27:09

It's lots of pressure. He's doing very well.

0:27:090:27:12

This is really tricky.

0:27:120:27:13

I'm going to have a guess at Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:130:27:16

Trinidad and Tobago, I like the sound of that.

0:27:160:27:18

No red line for you, as you're already through,

0:27:180:27:21

but let's see how many people said Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:210:27:24

It's right.

0:27:260:27:27

26, our lowest score so far.

0:27:300:27:32

You fly past.

0:27:320:27:33

Down to 9. Very well done indeed, Ruth.

0:27:330:27:36

35 is your total,

0:27:360:27:38

the lowest score of the round.

0:27:380:27:39

Lowest total of the round as well.

0:27:390:27:41

Yeah, joined in 1962, Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:410:27:44

It's a great answer. I'll go through lots of the answers.

0:27:440:27:46

I can't believe some of these places are in the northern hemisphere.

0:27:460:27:49

-That's the thing, isn't it?

-It goes down further than you think.

0:27:490:27:52

Yeah. LAUGHTER

0:27:520:27:53

-Not far enough.

-Yeah, not as far as New Zealand!

0:27:530:27:56

-LAUGHTER

-But it does go down a long way.

0:27:560:27:59

There's three Pointless answers.

0:27:590:28:01

Very well done if you said Dominica, Kiribati or Brunei.

0:28:010:28:05

They were all pointless answers.

0:28:050:28:06

You'd have got two points for Sierra Leone, Grenada,

0:28:060:28:08

St Vincent and the Grenadines and St Lucia.

0:28:080:28:11

Three points for the Maldives and Cameroon.

0:28:110:28:13

Didn't know the Maldives was in the northern hemisphere.

0:28:130:28:15

When did that happen?

0:28:150:28:17

Four points for Uganda, Malaysia, Singapore and the Bahamas.

0:28:170:28:20

Five points for Sri Lanka.

0:28:200:28:22

Six for Belize, Bangladesh, Saint Kitts and Nevis and Guyana.

0:28:220:28:26

Seven for Antigua and Barbuda and Ghana.

0:28:260:28:29

Eight for Nigeria.

0:28:290:28:30

11 for Barbados and Kenya.

0:28:300:28:31

12 for Cyprus - would have been a nice answer.

0:28:310:28:33

13, Pakistan. 15 for Malta.

0:28:330:28:36

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

0:28:360:28:38

Two of them we've seen already.

0:28:380:28:40

Jamaica is third with 19 and then we've see these two -

0:28:400:28:43

India with 26 and Canada, miles in the lead there, with 66.

0:28:430:28:48

There we are. Thank you very much.

0:28:480:28:50

So, at the end of our second round I'm sorry, Toni and Colette,

0:28:500:28:53

it is you we have to say goodbye to.

0:28:530:28:55

But we know we'll see you again next time.

0:28:550:28:57

We'll look forward to that very much.

0:28:570:28:59

In the meantime, thanks so much. Toni and Colette.

0:28:590:29:01

APPLAUSE

0:29:010:29:03

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:29:030:29:07

Very well done, Robb and Ruth, Sarah and Martin.

0:29:110:29:14

You are one step closer to the final and the chance to play for our

0:29:140:29:17

jackpot which currently stands at £2,000.

0:29:170:29:19

Well, you know the story, you can start playing as a pair.

0:29:240:29:27

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

0:29:270:29:30

This is nice, our two returning players through for the head-to-head.

0:29:300:29:33

This doesn't happen very often at all.

0:29:330:29:36

As you've seen off our newcomers, well done.

0:29:360:29:38

I would have expected nothing less.

0:29:380:29:40

Rob and Ruth, you were here last time but you weren't the lowest

0:29:400:29:43

scoring pair. Sarah and Martin, round one last time.

0:29:430:29:46

Head-to-head this time. Wonderful. Very well done.

0:29:460:29:49

Best of luck to both payers. Let's play the head-to-head.

0:29:490:29:51

OK, here is your first question.

0:29:570:29:59

It concerns famous cyclists.

0:29:590:30:02

Famous cyclists. Richard.

0:30:020:30:04

We're going to show you five pictures now of British cyclists.

0:30:040:30:07

Can you identify the most obscure?

0:30:070:30:09

OK. Let's reveal our five cyclists and here they are.

0:30:090:30:12

We have got...

0:30:120:30:13

There we are, five cyclists.

0:30:330:30:36

Rob and Ruth, you are our low scorers, so you will answer first.

0:30:360:30:39

I think there's only one that I know and it is C,

0:30:500:30:54

and it's Bradley Wiggins.

0:30:540:30:56

Bradley Wiggins said Rob and Ruth.

0:30:560:30:58

Now, Sarah and Martin, do you want to talk us through that board?

0:30:580:31:02

We were going to go for C as well.

0:31:060:31:08

-Yeah.

-Shall we have a guess?

0:31:080:31:11

We'll have a guess at B. Victoria Pendleton.

0:31:110:31:14

B, Victoria Pendelton.

0:31:140:31:16

So we have Bradley Wiggins and we have Victoria Pendleton.

0:31:160:31:19

Rob and Ruth went for Bradley Wiggins.

0:31:190:31:22

Let's see how many people said it.

0:31:220:31:23

55 for Bradley Wiggins.

0:31:300:31:32

Now, Sarah and Martin meanwhile have gone for Victoria Pendleton for B.

0:31:350:31:39

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

0:31:390:31:42

Yep, it absolutely is Victoria Pendleton and it wins you the point.

0:31:440:31:48

Look at that. Well done!

0:31:480:31:49

Good answer there. 22.

0:31:490:31:51

Very well done, Sarah and Martin.

0:31:520:31:54

After one question you are up 1-0.

0:31:540:31:56

Yeah, very well played and let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

0:31:560:31:59

A, she's been on the show, hasn't she? The wonderful

0:31:590:32:02

Dame Sarah Storey. 22 medals across six Paralympics.

0:32:020:32:04

That would have scored you 25 points.

0:32:040:32:07

D is the best answer on the board.

0:32:070:32:09

She set the cycling 12 hour record in 1967.

0:32:090:32:12

Very well done if you said Beryl Burton.

0:32:120:32:14

That would have scored you one point. A terrific answer.

0:32:140:32:17

And E is Chris Boardman, of course.

0:32:170:32:19

It would've scored you 14 points.

0:32:190:32:22

His name is almost an exact anagram of mine.

0:32:220:32:24

His name is Richard Osman B.

0:32:240:32:26

What about that? There you go.

0:32:260:32:29

-There you are.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:32:290:32:32

OK, here comes your second question.

0:32:320:32:34

Rob and Ruth, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

0:32:340:32:37

Sarah and Martin get to answer it first.

0:32:370:32:40

Our second question is all about TV satire.

0:32:400:32:44

I'm going to show you the initials now of five TV satire programmes and

0:32:440:32:48

the year in which they were first broadcast.

0:32:480:32:50

Can you tell us which scored the fewest points, please?

0:32:500:32:53

OK, let's reveal our five TV satire programmes.

0:32:530:32:56

Here they are...

0:32:560:32:57

I read those one last time.

0:33:110:33:13

Sarah and Martin will go first.

0:33:240:33:27

We think we know three of them.

0:33:370:33:41

We're going to go for the bottom one, Spitting Image.

0:33:410:33:44

Spitting Image, say Sarah and Martin.

0:33:440:33:47

Now, Rob and Ruth, talk us through that board.

0:33:470:33:50

The top one is That Was The Week That What Was.

0:33:500:33:53

The next one is Have I Got News For You.

0:33:530:33:56

Then there's Not The Nine O'clock News and there's Mock The Week and

0:33:560:33:59

there's Spitting Image.

0:33:590:34:01

The question is, which one's the best one to go for?

0:34:010:34:04

Not The Nine O'Clock News.

0:34:040:34:05

Not The Nine O'clock News say Rob and Ruth.

0:34:050:34:08

Spitting Image and Not The Nine O'clock News.

0:34:080:34:10

Martin and Sarah went for Spitting Image.

0:34:100:34:12

Let's see how many people said that.

0:34:120:34:14

It's right.

0:34:160:34:17

Good answer!

0:34:230:34:24

Ten for Spitting Image.

0:34:250:34:27

Well done.

0:34:270:34:29

Rob and Ruth meanwhile have gone for Not The Nine O'Clock News.

0:34:290:34:32

There we are in the middle. Let's see how many people said that.

0:34:320:34:36

It's right.

0:34:390:34:41

Oh, 69!

0:34:420:34:44

Wow!

0:34:460:34:48

Very well done, Sarah and Martin.

0:34:480:34:50

After only two questions you are straight through to the final 2-0.

0:34:500:34:53

Very well played. Very tough to work out what the lowest score was there.

0:34:530:34:56

Spitting Image was the lowest score on the board.

0:34:560:34:59

A very, very good answer.

0:34:590:35:01

-It took me the longest to get Spitting Image.

-Oh, did it?

0:35:010:35:04

The top one, That Was the Week That Was, would have scored you 39.

0:35:040:35:09

Have I Got News For You would have scored you 47.

0:35:090:35:12

Mock the Week would have scored you 23.

0:35:140:35:18

Not The Nine O'clock News is the biggest scorer.

0:35:180:35:21

Amazing. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

0:35:210:35:24

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round is Rob and

0:35:240:35:28

Ruth, our golden couple.

0:35:280:35:30

You were head-to-head last time round at the blue podium and this

0:35:300:35:33

time round at the yellow. You played so well and great answers

0:35:330:35:36

all the way through. It's the end of the road and we have to say

0:35:360:35:38

goodbye. Far too soon, really.

0:35:380:35:40

It's been lovely having you on both shows.

0:35:400:35:42

Thank you very much, Rob and Ruth.

0:35:420:35:44

But for Sarah and Martin it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:35:480:35:51

Congratulations, Sarah and Martin.

0:35:550:35:57

You've seen of all of the competition

0:35:570:35:59

and you have one our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:35:590:36:02

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot and at the end of

0:36:070:36:11

today's show the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

0:36:110:36:14

Well, what a turnaround. What a turnaround!

0:36:170:36:20

Last time you left at the end of round one,

0:36:200:36:22

-members of the 200 club.

-Yeah.

-Here you are.

0:36:220:36:25

It was 2-0 in the head-to-head. No arguing with that.

0:36:250:36:28

What would you like to see come up in this round?

0:36:280:36:32

Disney Films. Love it. I'd be happy with them.

0:36:320:36:35

Anything sort of sporty.

0:36:370:36:38

Disney films and anything sporty. You know what it's like.

0:36:380:36:42

Four things go up on there and when you first see them

0:36:420:36:44

your heart sinks but usually there is something in there you can

0:36:440:36:47

find. Today's selection looks like this. We've got...

0:36:470:36:50

I'm thinking hospital-based TV shows

0:36:590:37:02

because we watch quite a few.

0:37:020:37:05

-The '70s one is all down to me.

-I know, yeah.

0:37:050:37:09

It's one of the two. Which do you think?

0:37:100:37:13

Put it on me, go for the '70s.

0:37:140:37:16

We'll do that then. Classic albums from the early 1970s.

0:37:160:37:19

-OK.

-Very best of luck.

0:37:190:37:21

Three genuine classical albums here.

0:37:210:37:23

We're looking for any tracks on the original releases of any of the

0:37:230:37:26

following three albums. Any track on...

0:37:260:37:29

Any tracks on the original UK releases of any of those

0:37:390:37:42

three albums, please. Very, very best of luck.

0:37:420:37:44

Thanks very much, indeed. You've got up to one minute to come up with

0:37:440:37:47

three answers and all you need

0:37:470:37:48

to win that jackpot is for just one of your answers to be pointless.

0:37:480:37:52

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-No.

0:37:520:37:55

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:37:550:37:57

There they are. Your time starts now.

0:37:570:37:59

I'm thinking...

0:37:590:38:01

We should have chosen another category.

0:38:010:38:03

It's too late now.

0:38:030:38:05

The Bob Dylan one. Haven't you got one of his albums on your computer?

0:38:070:38:12

I'm not sure.

0:38:120:38:14

I don't know the first one.

0:38:150:38:17

Bridge Over Troubled Water...

0:38:190:38:21

The title itself was on the album, so there's one.

0:38:210:38:24

I think we'll have to take a punt.

0:38:260:38:29

We've got 30 seconds.

0:38:290:38:31

Blood On The Tracks...

0:38:310:38:34

We'll have to just make something up and hope it's right.

0:38:340:38:39

-Something that makes sense.

-Victim.

0:38:390:38:41

Tapestry...

0:38:440:38:46

Patchwork.

0:38:460:38:48

-Ten

-seconds left.

0:38:490:38:51

Bridge Over Troubled Water. You don't know anything?

0:38:550:38:57

-I don't know, no.

-OK, that is your time up.

0:38:570:39:01

Let's have your three answers.

0:39:010:39:02

The top one... I don't know anything about that and we're going to go for

0:39:030:39:07

-Patchwork.

-Patchwork from tapestry.

0:39:070:39:09

A theme there.

0:39:110:39:13

-Blood On The Tracks and we'll go with Victim.

-Victim.

0:39:130:39:17

And Bridge Over Troubled Water,

0:39:170:39:21

we'll call one Stream.

0:39:210:39:23

Stream.

0:39:230:39:25

OK... Shall we put those down in the order that you've given them in?

0:39:250:39:30

Any order you like.

0:39:300:39:32

We'll put them in the order you have given them in and we have Patchwork,

0:39:320:39:36

Victim... They look good printed up there, don't they?

0:39:360:39:40

Stream.

0:39:400:39:42

-You never know.

-One of these days it is going to happen

0:39:420:39:45

that somebody's going to make up an album track or a title of a book

0:39:450:39:49

that is actually going to be right and it's going to be Pointless.

0:39:490:39:53

If today...

0:39:530:39:55

Listen, if today were that day and you were to win £2,000,

0:39:560:39:59

what would you do with that?

0:39:590:40:01

I'm currently enrolled on a course to be a driving instructor,

0:40:010:40:05

so it would help a lot going towards the cost of the tests.

0:40:050:40:09

Very good. Good, that would be a great thing to do. Martin?

0:40:090:40:13

Tyres and tubes.

0:40:130:40:15

I'm all was getting punctures.

0:40:160:40:18

Very good. OK, best of luck.

0:40:180:40:21

Three answers there. You just know.

0:40:210:40:23

-No.

-We won't know until we've tested them.

0:40:230:40:25

Your first answer was Patchwork.

0:40:250:40:27

If it is Pointless it will win you £2,000.

0:40:310:40:33

Let's see if it's right.

0:40:330:40:35

No.

0:40:380:40:39

I fear not Patchwork.

0:40:390:40:41

Your next answer was Victim.

0:40:410:40:44

In this case we were looking

0:40:440:40:46

for tracks from the 1975 album Blood On The Tracks.

0:40:460:40:50

For £2,000 let's find out if it's right and Pointless.

0:40:500:40:53

Victim.

0:40:530:40:55

No. I'm afraid not Victim.

0:40:560:40:59

One more shot at today's jackpot.

0:40:590:41:01

In this case we were going for Stream

0:41:010:41:04

on the Simon and Garfunkel album Bridge Over Troubled Water

0:41:040:41:07

from 1970. For £2,000 is it right? Is it pointless?

0:41:070:41:11

-No!

-Never mind.

-I'm sorry.

0:41:150:41:17

Consistent.

0:41:180:41:20

Very consistent. Nothing wrong with that.

0:41:200:41:23

I'm afraid you haven't won our jackpot today.

0:41:230:41:26

That will roll over onto the next show. It's been great having the on.

0:41:260:41:29

Really strong performance and you each get a Pointless trophy to take

0:41:290:41:33

home. Very well done indeed, Sarah and Martin.

0:41:330:41:36

Yeah, well played, Sarah and Martin.

0:41:410:41:42

I enjoyed those answers as well very much.

0:41:420:41:45

Let's take a look at the pointless answers

0:41:450:41:47

in those different categories. There's only one on Tapestry.

0:41:470:41:50

Way Over Yonder.

0:41:500:41:51

Very well done if you said that.

0:41:510:41:53

Biggest scorers there were You've Got A Friend,

0:41:530:41:56

I Feel The Earth Move and You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman.

0:41:560:41:59

There is a few more on Blood on the Tracks.

0:41:590:42:01

This is where people at home might have got a Pointless answer.

0:42:010:42:04

You could have had...

0:42:040:42:06

Let's move onto Simon and Garfunkel.

0:42:130:42:15

Two pointless answers here...

0:42:160:42:18

Very well done if you got one of those pointless answers at home.

0:42:200:42:23

I'm sorry, Martin and Sarah, you didn't win the jackpot

0:42:230:42:25

but I have to say for people who missed the start of our show,

0:42:250:42:28

Martin, you are the player and coach of the English wheelchair

0:42:280:42:31

rugby union team - the best in the world.

0:42:310:42:34

If that's not a winner, I don't know what is.

0:42:340:42:37

Well, unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to Sarah and Martin.

0:42:410:42:45

-It's been brilliant having you on the show.

-Thank you for having us.

-Great contestants.

0:42:450:42:49

Well, Sarah and Martin didn't win our jackpot today,

0:42:520:42:55

which means it rolls over onto our next show which means we will be

0:42:550:42:58

playing for £3,000. Join us then to see if someone can win it.

0:42:580:43:01

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

0:43:010:43:04

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:040:43:06

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