Episode 44 Pointless


Episode 44

Quiz in which contestants try to score as few points as possible by plumbing the depths of their general knowledge to come up with the answers no-one else can think of.


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Transcript


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APPLAUSE

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Thank you very much indeed.

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Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

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the show where obvious answers mean nothing

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and obscure answers mean everything.

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Let's meet today's players.

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And couple number one.

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Hello, I'm Derek, this is my wife, Kathy,

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and we're from Grimsby.

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Couple number two.

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Hi, I'm Ruth. This is my husband, Robb. We're from Halifax.

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Couple number three.

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Hi, I'm Martin. This is my wife, Sarah.

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We're from Runcorn.

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And, finally, couple number four.

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Hi, I'm Colette, this is my friend, Toni, and we're from Belfast.

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And these are today's contestants.

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APPLAUSE

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Thanks very much, all of you. A warm welcome to the show.

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We'll find out more about each of you

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throughout the show as it goes along.

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So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

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I actually think he's losing his touch.

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Earlier, he couldn't even tell me

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where guacamole came on the periodic table.

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It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

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-Hiya.

-APPLAUSE

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Hi, everybody.

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-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

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Now, an interesting thing in the last couple of shows.

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You know on our end board, we have categories

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that sometimes stay around for ages and ages and ages.

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Years ago, we had Katie Price for years and years,

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but we've had two categories in the last two shows

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that have been chosen that were around for a long time.

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Very dusty, weren't they?

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We had Roaring '20s a couple of shows ago,

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and they won the jackpot on that.

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And then, the last show, we finally got rid of Sport In Leeds.

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-Yes.

-Didn't we? Lovely Jeremy and Ben.

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-Jeremy and Ben taking it off our hands.

-Yes, decent of them.

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They didn't win the jackpot, don't panic.

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But often is the case when these things get taken off the board

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that we give away the jackpot.

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We've got two returning pairs from that show.

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Robb and Ruth got all the way through to the head-to-head.

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Very well played. Robb is a vicar.

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-I'm not kidding you, he's a vicar.

-LAUGHTER

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Martin and Sarah got knocked out in Round One.

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So hopefully we'll see an awful lot more of them this time.

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Ahh. Now, I'll tell you what's nice is, um...

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Colette and Toni on the far podium, there.

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It's like that time we had Swank and Hilary. Remember?

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LAUGHTER

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Toni Collette. I sometimes wish people would stand the right way

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round when they've got celebrity names.

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Ah, well. There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

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Yes, Jeremy and Ben, as you'll have gathered,

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didn't win the jackpot, so we add another £1,000 to that.

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So today's jackpot starts off at £2,000.

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There it is. APPLAUSE

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Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

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So, all you have to remember, as ever, is this -

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the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

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will be eliminated. Best of luck to all four pairs.

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Our first category this afternoon...

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..is Film Stars. Film Stars.

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Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

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who's going to go second?

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And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

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OK. And the question concerns...

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Actors And The Films They Starred In. Richard.

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On each board, we're going to show you seven pairs of films

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and the initials of an actor who starred in both of those films.

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Please, can you tell us who that actor is?

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It's going to be 14 in all to have a go at at home.

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Very, very best of luck. I am just hoping beyond hope

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that Toni Collette is not on the board,

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otherwise we've really messed up.

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This early, we've really messed up.

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Yes. OK. Thank you.

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Fingers crossed. Thank you. OK.

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So we are looking for the names of the actors

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that starred in these pairs of films.

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And here is our first board of seven.

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I'll read those again a little bit faster.

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Derek, welcome to Pointless.

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Here from Grimsby. What do you do, Derek?

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I'm a retired teacher.

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-How long have you been retired?

-The last two years.

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Ooh. Do you look back fondly on the days of teaching,

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-or are you delighted in the mornings?

-A bit of both.

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A little bit of both.

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What do you fill your time with now?

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I play in a band. I play drums in a band and I play golf.

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You can tell he plays drums.

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Drummers are always very fit, aren't they?

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He looks in good shape, Derek, is what I am saying.

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How long have you been playing drums?

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-Years and years and years?

-Years and years, yes. Since I was 15.

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You've been in bands ever since?

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Off and on. But, more recently, a little bit more regularly.

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OK. What's the band you're in now? What sort of band is it?

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It is called Ally's Cat,

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and it's a kind of wedding/birthday party type band.

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Very nice. Very nice indeed.

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Now, Derek, what would you like to go for on our board?

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Film's not my favourite category,

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but I'm pleased to see there's one up there I do know.

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So I'm going to go for Goldeneye and Thomas Crown Affair -

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-Pierce Brosnan.

-Pierce Brosnan, says Derek.

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Let's see if it's right,

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let's see how many of our 100 people said Pierce Brosnan.

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It's right.

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62. APPLAUSE

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62. Not bad.

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Yep, that was his first Bond film.

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Of course, Thomas Crown Affair, a remake of the Steve McQueen film.

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Indeed, yes. Now, Ruth, welcome back to Pointless.

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True to the head-to-head. Very close head-to-head it was, too.

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-Very exciting.

-Very exciting indeed.

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Remind us what you do, Ruth.

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I'm a clinical psychologist.

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A clinical psychologist, but also you play the bass.

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-I do.

-In your rock mass.

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In the rock mass, yes, and also in a kind of pub band as well.

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I see, OK. And your pub band - is it like Derek's? Do you play...?

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We play mostly kind of, er... stadium rock, hair metal,

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so Van Halen, Bon Jovi, Whitesnake, that kind of stuff.

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-"Hair metal"?

-Yeah.

-I've never heard it called... Is that...?

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-Yeah, that's bands like Poison, with the long...

-Big hair.

-OK.

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OK. Did you headbang?

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I try, yeah.

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-I bet you do it very well.

-Thank you.

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Now, Ruth, what would you like to go for?

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I think I know a couple of them,

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but I'm going to go for Shakespeare In Love and Iron Man

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with Gwyneth Paltrow.

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Gwyneth Paltrow, says Ruth.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

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There we are. APPLAUSE

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33.

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Yeah, Gwyneth Paltrow. That shows some range, doesn't it?

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Well, it does. And I tell you what,

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I'm glad it's Gwyneth Paltrow, cos I was just thinking,

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"I can't really remember Geoffrey Palmer in either of those."

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LAUGHTER

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But it just seemed perfectly feasible

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that he might have been in Shakespeare In Love. There we are.

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-Anyway. Now, Sarah, welcome back.

-Hi.

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Now, remind us what you do, Sarah.

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I work in an ice rink in a cafe.

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Remind us what you do in your spare time.

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What sort of things do you like getting up to?

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I am a black belt in karate.

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-That's good to know.

-Yeah.

-Good.

-Handy to have.

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Yeah, maybe they'll go beyond the first round this time.

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-Yeah, I'd have thought so.

-LAUGHTER

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-I don't know about that.

-What else do you get up to?

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I like making my own jewellery,

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especially charm bracelets and things.

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-I've just started doing that.

-Do you sell that, or...?

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Not at the minute, no, but it's something I'm looking into.

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-Very good indeed.

-Definitely for the future.

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-OK. Now, Sarah.

-Yes.

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Sarah, what would you like to go for on this board?

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Well, I've seen Knocked Up.

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I just cannot think off the top of my head who it is.

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So I'm going to have to play it really, really, really safe

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and say, for the bottom one...

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the Rocky one, Sylvester Stallone.

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-Sylvester Stallone?

-Yes.

-OK.

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Well, 62's our high score at this point.

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Let's see where you get with Sylvester Stallone.

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APPLAUSE 85.

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-High score.

-Yeah. Better than 100, though.

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He became only the third person in history

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to be nominated for acting and writing

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in the same year at the Oscars, Sylvester Stallone. Both for Rocky.

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That's good.

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-I forgot he wrote Rocky.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

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Collette, welcome to Pointless.

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Lovely to have you here.

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What do you do in Belfast?

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I'm a civil servant.

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Are you the kind of civil servant I can ask what you do?

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-No, you can't ask.

-OK.

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OK, I'll just have to force it out of you. Um...

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LAUGHTER

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Um, Collette, what do you get up to

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when the civil service is behind you?

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I've been learning Italian for the last 18 months,

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and I've actually practised something

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I would like to say to you, if that's OK?

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-I'd be delighted to hear it.

-Yeah?

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Ricardo, lui e multo intelligente,

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e Alessandro e un tesoro.

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-How dare you?!

-LAUGHTER

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So you're very intelligent...

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and I'm a Tazer.

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No, you're a sweetheart.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ahh.

-Ah, thank you, that's nice.

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LAUGHTER

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Um, thank you very much. Gosh, your Italian's brilliant.

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-Thank you, I've a good teacher.

-Wonderful.

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So have you been to Italy since learning?

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Yes, I've been to Venice and Florence. I love Venice.

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We went on the Orient Express for our 25th wedding anniversary.

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-Wow.

-It was fantastic.

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-Was it everything you'd hoped it would be?

-It was.

-Wonderful.

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Wonderful. Now, Collette, you're the last person to have this board.

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If you wanted to, you could talk us through it.

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Well, I think I know them all except one.

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The first one is Seth Rogen.

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I don't know the Sixteen Candles,

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though I should know The Breakfast Club.

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The Citizen Kane is Orson Welles,

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And the Jurassic Park is Jeff Goldblum.

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So, um...

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I think I'll go for Seth Rogen.

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Seth Rogen, says Collette. Let's see if that's right.

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Let's see how many of our 100 people said Seth Rogen.

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It's right.

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Well, 33 is our low score at this point,

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and you pass it, Collette.

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Down to 22. Very well done indeed.

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APPLAUSE

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22 for Seth Rogen.

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It's very good work, Collette. She's clever, Collette, isn't she?

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-She's good.

-Whatever the Italian for clever is, you are it.

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Now, the best answer on the board is the one you didn't know,

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so we'll get on to that last.

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Citizen Kane, you are absolutely right about, it's Orson Welles.

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That would have scored 44,

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and Jurassic Park/Independence Day is Jeff Goldblum.

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Would have scored you 24.

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And Xander, Sixteen Candles/ The Breakfast Club?

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I'm trying to work it out. Is it an...?

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Is it a male or female actor?

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-Female.

-OK.

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It is...

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-Molly Ringwald.

-There we go.

-Molly Ringwald. Good.

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-That would have scored 17 points.

-Best answer on the board.

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Even after you'd said it was female,

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I couldn't get Michael Rosen out of my mind...

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LAUGHTER ..the Children's Laureate. Yep. Could not shift him.

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Anyway, there we are. Thank you. We're halfway through the round.

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22 was the best score of that pass.

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Well done you, Collette.

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Collette and Toni looking very good at that far end there..

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Then we travel up to 33, where we find Ruth and Robb.

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Then up 62, Derek and Kathy,

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and then Sarah and Martin ahead there on 85.

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You are not miles ahead.

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But Martin, a nice low score from you would do a lot of good for you.

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We're going to come back down the line.

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Can the second players please step up to the podium?

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OK, let's put seven more films...

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pairs of films, I should say, up on the board and here they are.

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I'll read those all one last time.

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Toni, welcome to Pointless.

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-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Toni?

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I'm well and truly retired.

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What did you do?

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I was a physio in my previous life.

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And when did you retire?

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Ooh, about 12 years ago.

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Very nice. What do you get up to?

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-Well, I have a passion in life and that's bridge.

-Ahh.

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So that's really what I do.

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-It is one of those games that it can take over your life.

-It does.

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-In a wonderful way. Very sociable thing to be doing.

-It is, it is.

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Does Collette play bridge with you at all?

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We're members of the same bridge club,

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but we don't actually partner each other.

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-I see, I see.

-There's a story there, isn't there?

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Oh, I think so. LAUGHTER

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Firstly, we don't know what Collette does for a job, and now Toni's like,

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"Yeah, no, I know her but I wouldn't play bridge with the woman."

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LAUGHTER

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Yeah. OK. Now, Toni, what would you like to go for?

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62 or less is your target.

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I'm going to go for a local fellow,

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who's Liam Neeson...

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-out of Taken.

-Liam Neeson, says Toni.

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Here's your red line, nice and high.

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Get below that with Liam Neeson, you're through to Round Two.

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How many people said Liam Neeson?

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Well done. Liam Neeson's done everything you required of him.

0:13:490:13:52

APPLAUSE 37 is your score.

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59, your total.

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Well played, Toni. I love Liam Neeson.

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I think he might be my favourite non-indie actor.

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Whenever you see Liam Neeson's in a film,

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you think, "It's going to be halfway decent."

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Apparently, when they offered him Taken,

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which obviously has been a huge success for him now,

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with all its spin-offs,

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he thought it'd be a huge flop but he said, "I'll do it,"

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because he got to spend four months in Paris and learn karate.

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He thought, "I fancy doing both of those things, so I'll do it."

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And it's made him very, very wealthy, that franchise.

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It certainly has. My goodness.

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Now, Martin.

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Welcome back. Now, remind us what you do, Martin.

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IT support.

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IT support, but you're also the coach

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-of the England Wheelchair Rugby Union team.

-Correct.

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But you said, last time...

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You said there were three disciplines.

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There is, there's the Paralympic version,

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-which everyone's probably seen on TV.

-Yeah.

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There's a version based on Rugby League,

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and there's this version, based on Rugby Union.

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Union as well. But you play all three?

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-I play all three, yes.

-Just because, why not?

-Exactly.

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And are you actually in the national side?

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The Rugby Union side?

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I'm player-manager.

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-Player-manager?

-Yeah.

0:15:000:15:02

Wow. And has it affected your game?

0:15:020:15:04

Have you had a touch of the Alistair Cooks?

0:15:040:15:07

-Being, um...

-No, not really.

0:15:070:15:08

The first person on the sheet is my name, obviously.

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LAUGHTER

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Very important. What position do you play?

0:15:120:15:14

Either full-back or as a winger.

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I see. OK.

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Now then, Martin.

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How are we feeling about this board? Because we have to have a low score.

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There's no way we can send you home at the end of the first round.

0:15:240:15:27

There's two or three that I know.

0:15:270:15:30

One very dodgy, but I'm not risking it,

0:15:300:15:33

so I'm going to go for the top one

0:15:330:15:35

and go for Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:350:15:37

Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:370:15:39

Let's see if that's right.

0:15:390:15:40

There's no red line for you, as you're the high-scorers.

0:15:400:15:43

But let's see how far down the column

0:15:430:15:45

you get with Jennifer Aniston.

0:15:450:15:46

That's a good answer. APPLAUSE

0:15:530:15:55

Well done, Martin.

0:15:550:15:56

28, taking your total up to 113.

0:15:560:15:59

Could have kept yourself in the game there.

0:15:590:16:01

Yeah. Well played, Martin. Nice answer.

0:16:010:16:03

Both good films, actually. Jason Sudeikis is in both of them as well.

0:16:030:16:06

-Ah, nice.

-Have you seen We're The Millers? Good film.

0:16:060:16:08

-I haven't, no.

-You would like it.

-I...

0:16:080:16:11

I'll watch it. LAUGHTER

0:16:120:16:14

Good.

0:16:140:16:16

And then I'll let you know what I think of it.

0:16:160:16:19

I'm not around Tuesday.

0:16:190:16:21

So let me know Wednesday, Thursday at the latest.

0:16:220:16:26

Thursday evening?

0:16:270:16:28

I'm out between seven and sort of nine.

0:16:290:16:34

But, after that, I'm around.

0:16:340:16:36

HE CLICKS HIS FINGERS

0:16:360:16:38

LAUGHTER

0:16:380:16:39

OK, now, Robb.

0:16:390:16:41

Robb... Robb's a vicar.

0:16:410:16:43

-Robb is a vicar.

-Robb's...

0:16:430:16:45

HE LAUGHS

0:16:450:16:46

Robb is a vicar. You're a Church of England priest.

0:16:460:16:49

-That's right.

-In Halifax.

-Yeah.

0:16:490:16:51

Once a month, you put on a rock mass.

0:16:510:16:54

That's right.

0:16:540:16:55

But then presumably, the rest of the time, there's no rock'n'roll at all,

0:16:550:16:58

it's all fairly... Is it fairly...?

0:16:580:17:01

-We're quite a lively parish, so we have lots of fun.

-OK.

0:17:010:17:04

It's all-age all the time,

0:17:040:17:06

so we generally have lots of little kids running around everywhere.

0:17:060:17:09

We do, on a Sunday morning, occasionally bring our instruments,

0:17:090:17:13

another once a month thing.

0:17:130:17:14

I play less solos on a Sunday morning than I do at the rock mass,

0:17:140:17:18

but I still play the Les Paul.

0:17:180:17:20

Very good. How long does rock mass last?

0:17:200:17:23

Generally about an hour and a half, hour and three quarters,

0:17:230:17:26

by the time we've sung everything

0:17:260:17:28

and thrown in an extra couple of "hymns" because we want to.

0:17:280:17:31

XANDER LAUGHS

0:17:310:17:33

Do you have someone playing support beforehand, for matins?

0:17:330:17:36

We've generally got videos playing in the background.

0:17:360:17:39

OK. That's very good. Is it packed, the church?

0:17:390:17:44

Um, rock mass tends to get... The best it's been - 100?

0:17:440:17:48

Which isn't bad for a Sunday evening

0:17:480:17:50

in a council estate in a church hall.

0:17:500:17:52

Not bad, yeah. Wow.

0:17:520:17:53

Now, you're on 33.

0:17:530:17:55

If you can score 79 or less, you are into Round Two.

0:17:550:17:59

It's really irritating, cos both of my best answers have been taken

0:17:590:18:02

and I'd like to have a crack at the bottom one,

0:18:020:18:05

but I'm going to play it safe

0:18:050:18:07

and say Fight Club and Ocean's Eleven, Brad Pitt.

0:18:070:18:10

Brad Pitt, you're saying.

0:18:100:18:12

Here's your red line. You have to get below that with Brad Pitt.

0:18:120:18:15

Let's see if you can.

0:18:150:18:16

It's right. You're through.

0:18:180:18:20

63. There we are. APPLAUSE

0:18:210:18:24

Not bad. 96 is your total.

0:18:240:18:27

It's Edward Norton, his co-star in Fight Club.

0:18:270:18:30

Said he broke his thumb on Brad Pitt's stomach,

0:18:300:18:33

cos it was so hard.

0:18:330:18:34

-Wow.

-That's good going, isn't it?

-Isn't it?

-Yeah.

0:18:360:18:39

-There you go. Kathy. Welcome.

-Hello.

-Great to have you here from Grimsby.

0:18:390:18:43

-What do you do, Kathy?

-I'm a retired teacher, too.

0:18:430:18:46

Also a retired teacher. What did you teach?

0:18:460:18:49

Um, started off teaching secondary English and art.

0:18:490:18:53

Then, when I had young children, I changed to primary teaching

0:18:530:18:58

and I've also taught English as a foreign language.

0:18:580:19:02

Lots and lots of disciplines in there, Kathy.

0:19:020:19:05

This is great training for Pointless, surely.

0:19:050:19:07

What do you get up to these days, what do you like to do?

0:19:070:19:10

We look after our two little grandsons one day a week,

0:19:100:19:14

and when we're not doing that, I like to read, go to the theatre...

0:19:140:19:19

..do lots and lots of yoga.

0:19:210:19:23

-Very good.

-Cryptic crosswords.

0:19:230:19:25

Perfect. Again, very good for Pointless.

0:19:250:19:27

Now then, you're on 62.

0:19:270:19:29

50 or less gets you through.

0:19:290:19:31

Do you fancy talking us through that board, Kathy,

0:19:310:19:34

-and filling in the blanks?

-Well, I wish I could.

0:19:340:19:36

I knew Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt.

0:19:360:19:40

And the only other one I know is, I'm sure going to be higher than 52.

0:19:400:19:44

But I'm going to have to go for Pretty Woman and Erin Brockovich.

0:19:440:19:47

Julia Roberts.

0:19:470:19:48

Julia Roberts, says Kathy.

0:19:480:19:50

Here's your red line. There it is.

0:19:500:19:52

So how many of our 100 people said Julia Roberts?

0:19:520:19:55

It's right.

0:19:570:19:59

Oh, I'm sorry, Kathy -

0:19:590:20:00

75 for Julia Roberts. APPLAUSE

0:20:000:20:03

137 is your total.

0:20:040:20:06

Yeah, a big score, I'm afraid. When she played Erin Brockovich,

0:20:060:20:09

first time a woman's been paid 20 million for a film,

0:20:090:20:13

-Julia Roberts. Not bad money, is it?

-Good going.

0:20:130:20:16

Let's look at the High Noon and Rear Window one.

0:20:160:20:19

You will kick yourself, cos you'll know it. It's Grace Kelly.

0:20:190:20:22

-KATHY:

-Ugh, yes.

0:20:220:20:23

-Grace Kelly would scored you 13 points as well.

-Oh!

0:20:230:20:25

Would've been a terrific answer.

0:20:250:20:27

Just above that, one point more for Emma Stone.

0:20:270:20:30

Would've scored 14.

0:20:300:20:32

And the one at the bottom?

0:20:320:20:33

-Natalie Portman.

-It is Natalie Portman. And that one...

0:20:330:20:36

Do you know something exciting?

0:20:360:20:38

Natalie Portman was filming V For Vendetta in our street in Islington,

0:20:380:20:44

with Stephen Fry.

0:20:440:20:46

Because I sort of know Stephen Fry a little bit,

0:20:460:20:48

I left him a note and said, "Come up. When you get a break,

0:20:480:20:51

"come up and have a drink with us."

0:20:510:20:53

-And he came and he brought Natalie Portman round.

-Did he?

0:20:530:20:56

The two of them sat in our kitchen.

0:20:560:20:58

Isn't that extraordinary? About half an hour.

0:20:580:21:00

Did you say to him, "She wasn't actually invited, Stephen.

0:21:000:21:02

-"I just invited you."?

-LAUGHTER

0:21:020:21:04

-"Now I've got this weird woman in my flat."

-Yeah.

0:21:040:21:07

And we had some friends who turned up for dinner.

0:21:070:21:10

They turned up and we said, "Oh, this is Stephen and Natalie.

0:21:100:21:13

"That's my friend Simon, Tilly."

0:21:140:21:16

-Oh, that's quite fun, isn't it?

-I know.

-It is.

0:21:160:21:18

-Natalie Portman.

-Natalie Portman.

0:21:180:21:20

Anyway, there we are. Thank you very much.

0:21:200:21:22

At the end of our first round, I'm afraid, Kathy and Derek,

0:21:220:21:25

you are the people we have to say goodbye to. 137, your total there.

0:21:250:21:27

Always tough being on that first podium.

0:21:270:21:30

We'll see you next time and I hope you'll do much, much better.

0:21:300:21:32

In the meantime, thanks very much, Kathy and Derek.

0:21:320:21:35

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

0:21:370:21:40

Well done, everyone.

0:21:440:21:46

We are through to Round Two.

0:21:460:21:48

Sarah and Martin, welcome.

0:21:480:21:49

Great to have you here with us.

0:21:490:21:51

And, Colette, a special mention to you for Seth Rogen there.

0:21:510:21:54

A brilliant answer and deservedly the lowest score of the round.

0:21:540:21:57

Best of luck to all three pairs.

0:21:570:21:59

Our category for Round Two this afternoon...

0:21:590:22:01

is Countries. Countries.

0:22:010:22:03

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

0:22:030:22:05

who's going to go second?

0:22:050:22:07

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

0:22:070:22:10

OK, let's find out what the question is.

0:22:120:22:14

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

0:22:140:22:18

..as they could.

0:22:220:22:23

Commonwealth Countries In The Northern Hemisphere. Richard.

0:22:230:22:26

Yes, we're looking for any country, apart from the UK,

0:22:260:22:28

that's a member of the Commonwealth of Nations

0:22:280:22:31

that has any of its territory north of the equator, please.

0:22:310:22:33

As always, by country,

0:22:330:22:35

we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in its own right.

0:22:350:22:38

Thank you very much indeed.

0:22:380:22:40

Now, Robb.

0:22:400:22:43

This is an absolutely horrific category for me.

0:22:430:22:47

Um, I've no idea.

0:22:470:22:49

Um, I'm going to guess at India.

0:22:490:22:52

OK, Robb is going to see India. Let's see if that's right.

0:22:520:22:56

Let's see how many of our 100 people said India.

0:22:560:22:58

It's right.

0:23:000:23:02

26. APPLAUSE

0:23:060:23:08

Yeah, India lies across the Tropic of Cancer. India.

0:23:120:23:15

Thanks very much indeed.

0:23:150:23:16

Now, Sarah, what would you like to go for?

0:23:160:23:20

I've got three in mind.

0:23:200:23:22

I think I might just play it really safe cos I know it might be right.

0:23:220:23:26

I think I'll pick Canada.

0:23:270:23:29

Canada, says Sarah.

0:23:290:23:31

OK, let's see how many of our 100 people said Canada.

0:23:310:23:34

Oh, 66 for Canada. APPLAUSE

0:23:380:23:41

Yeah, a founder member of the Commonwealth, Canada, in 1931.

0:23:440:23:47

That means it gets free membership - a founder member, of course.

0:23:470:23:50

Yes, this is certainly right.

0:23:500:23:52

Everyone else has to pay a subscription, don't they?

0:23:520:23:54

It's 25 quid a year or something.

0:23:540:23:55

And Canada not only gets it free,

0:23:550:23:57

-but also there's a special toilet they can use....

-That's right.

0:23:570:24:00

-..for founder members.

-Yeah, and special Commonwealth buttons.

0:24:000:24:03

It's slightly nicer.

0:24:030:24:05

It is. Do you know what, the difference - I have seen it -

0:24:050:24:07

is that the loo roll's in a V, that's about it.

0:24:070:24:10

-Always in a V. Well, no, nicer toiletries.

-Oh, some potpourri.

0:24:100:24:12

-Nicer toiletries.

-There you are.

0:24:120:24:14

-Also just there's never a queue.

-True.

0:24:140:24:16

Cos, you know, there's only Canada

0:24:160:24:18

and some of the other founding nations, yeah.

0:24:180:24:21

-Which we won't mention.

-We'd better not.

0:24:210:24:23

-Now, Colette.

-Hi.

0:24:230:24:25

Um...I think I'll play it safe, hopefully, and say New Zealand.

0:24:260:24:31

-New Zealand.

-No...

-Not in the northern hemisphere?

0:24:320:24:35

-Oh.

-Not as safe as it might have been.

0:24:350:24:37

LAUGHTER

0:24:370:24:39

New Zealand in the northern hemisphere?

0:24:390:24:42

We'll find out about that.

0:24:420:24:43

-Oops!

-Oh, I'm sorry, Colette.

0:24:460:24:49

I'm sorry.

0:24:490:24:50

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer and scores you 100 points.

0:24:500:24:54

Sorry, Colette, very much in the southern hemisphere, New Zealand.

0:24:540:24:57

-Sorry.

-Well, if you go so far south, maybe you end up coming...

0:24:570:25:01

LAUGHTER

0:25:010:25:03

Yeah. Well, we're halfway through the round.

0:25:030:25:05

Let's take a look at those scores..

0:25:050:25:07

26, Robb. Very well done indeed.

0:25:070:25:09

Sarah and Martin might well be into the head-to-head.

0:25:090:25:12

Martin, if you can find a nice low scoring answer.

0:25:120:25:15

Colette and Toni, you are quite ahead there.

0:25:150:25:18

So, Toni, unless you find a brilliant pointless answer.

0:25:180:25:21

I bet there are some. Good luck with that.

0:25:210:25:23

We're going to come back down the line.

0:25:230:25:25

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

0:25:250:25:28

So, Toni,

0:25:290:25:31

we're looking for Commonwealth countries which have all or part

0:25:310:25:34

of their territory in the northern hemisphere.

0:25:340:25:38

I'm very much hoping that Tonga is the northern hemisphere.

0:25:380:25:41

Tonga, says Toni.

0:25:410:25:43

No red line for you as you're the highest scorers.

0:25:430:25:45

Let's find out if Tonga's right, let's see how much Toni can score.

0:25:450:25:49

Hm, it's not.

0:25:490:25:50

-Oh! 200 Club!

-Oh, I'm sorry, Toni!

0:25:510:25:55

That's an incorrect answer - scores you 100 points,

0:25:550:25:58

takes your total up to 200.

0:25:580:25:59

Yeah, southern hemisphere as well, I'm afraid.

0:25:590:26:02

But 200 Club, you know?

0:26:020:26:04

-That's nice.

-It's a great place to be.

0:26:040:26:06

THEY have their own loo as well, which is, er...

0:26:060:26:08

LAUGHTER

0:26:080:26:10

The queue's getting longer for that one, though, isn't it?

0:26:100:26:13

It really is. And people sort of can't work the lock properly.

0:26:130:26:16

And you know what? It's a bit of a mess, if I'm going to be honest.

0:26:160:26:20

-Yeah.

-It could take a clean.

-It could.

0:26:200:26:22

Now, Martin. Martin, the good news is you're through.

0:26:220:26:25

Doesn't matter what you score.

0:26:250:26:27

So a little bit of pressure off there but let's have a great answer.

0:26:270:26:31

I was thinking of Denmark.

0:26:310:26:35

Denmark, says Martin. Let's see if Denmark's right.

0:26:350:26:37

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Denmark.

0:26:370:26:40

No red line - you're already through.

0:26:400:26:42

Oh, I'm afraid not Denmark.

0:26:440:26:46

But it is in the northern hemisphere, so there we are.

0:26:460:26:49

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 166.

0:26:490:26:52

If only we could combine the northern hemisphereness of Denmark

0:26:520:26:55

and the... "being in the Commonwealthness"

0:26:550:26:58

-of New Zealand and Tonga, we'd have the perfect answer.

-Amazing.

0:26:580:27:02

Amazing. Now, Ruth, again, you are also through, which is great news.

0:27:020:27:06

But let's have a good answer.

0:27:060:27:07

Robb, our lowest scorer so far.

0:27:070:27:09

It's lots of pressure. He's doing very well.

0:27:090:27:12

This is really tricky.

0:27:120:27:13

I'm going to have a guess at Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:130:27:16

Trinidad and Tobago, I like the sound of that.

0:27:160:27:18

No red line for you, as you're already through,

0:27:180:27:21

but let's see how many people said Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:210:27:24

It's right.

0:27:260:27:27

26, our lowest score so far.

0:27:300:27:32

You fly past.

0:27:320:27:33

Down to 9. Very well done indeed, Ruth.

0:27:330:27:36

35 is your total,

0:27:360:27:38

the lowest score of the round.

0:27:380:27:39

Lowest total of the round as well.

0:27:390:27:41

Yeah, joined in 1962, Trinidad and Tobago.

0:27:410:27:44

It's a great answer. I'll go through lots of the answers.

0:27:440:27:46

I can't believe some of these places are in the northern hemisphere.

0:27:460:27:49

-That's the thing, isn't it?

-It goes down further than you think.

0:27:490:27:52

Yeah. LAUGHTER

0:27:520:27:53

-Not far enough.

-Yeah, not as far as New Zealand!

0:27:530:27:56

-LAUGHTER

-But it does go down a long way.

0:27:560:27:59

There's three Pointless answers.

0:27:590:28:01

Very well done if you said Dominica, Kiribati or Brunei.

0:28:010:28:05

They were all pointless answers.

0:28:050:28:06

You'd have got two points for Sierra Leone, Grenada,

0:28:060:28:08

St Vincent and the Grenadines and St Lucia.

0:28:080:28:11

Three points for the Maldives and Cameroon.

0:28:110:28:13

Didn't know the Maldives was in the northern hemisphere.

0:28:130:28:15

When did that happen?

0:28:150:28:17

Four points for Uganda, Malaysia, Singapore and the Bahamas.

0:28:170:28:20

Five points for Sri Lanka.

0:28:200:28:22

Six for Belize, Bangladesh, Saint Kitts and Nevis and Guyana.

0:28:220:28:26

Seven for Antigua and Barbuda and Ghana.

0:28:260:28:29

Eight for Nigeria.

0:28:290:28:30

11 for Barbados and Kenya.

0:28:300:28:31

12 for Cyprus - would have been a nice answer.

0:28:310:28:33

13, Pakistan. 15 for Malta.

0:28:330:28:36

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

0:28:360:28:38

Two of them we've seen already.

0:28:380:28:40

Jamaica is third with 19 and then we've see these two -

0:28:400:28:43

India with 26 and Canada, miles in the lead there, with 66.

0:28:430:28:48

There we are. Thank you very much.

0:28:480:28:50

So, at the end of our second round I'm sorry, Toni and Colette,

0:28:500:28:53

it is you we have to say goodbye to.

0:28:530:28:55

But we know we'll see you again next time.

0:28:550:28:57

We'll look forward to that very much.

0:28:570:28:59

In the meantime, thanks so much. Toni and Colette.

0:28:590:29:01

APPLAUSE

0:29:010:29:03

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

0:29:030:29:07

Very well done, Robb and Ruth, Sarah and Martin.

0:29:110:29:14

You are one step closer to the final and the chance to play for our

0:29:140:29:17

jackpot which currently stands at £2,000.

0:29:170:29:19

Well, you know the story, you can start playing as a pair.

0:29:240:29:27

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

0:29:270:29:30

This is nice, our two returning players through for the head-to-head.

0:29:300:29:33

This doesn't happen very often at all.

0:29:330:29:36

As you've seen off our newcomers, well done.

0:29:360:29:38

I would have expected nothing less.

0:29:380:29:40

Rob and Ruth, you were here last time but you weren't the lowest

0:29:400:29:43

scoring pair. Sarah and Martin, round one last time.

0:29:430:29:46

Head-to-head this time. Wonderful. Very well done.

0:29:460:29:49

Best of luck to both payers. Let's play the head-to-head.

0:29:490:29:51

OK, here is your first question.

0:29:570:29:59

It concerns famous cyclists.

0:29:590:30:02

Famous cyclists. Richard.

0:30:020:30:04

We're going to show you five pictures now of British cyclists.

0:30:040:30:07

Can you identify the most obscure?

0:30:070:30:09

OK. Let's reveal our five cyclists and here they are.

0:30:090:30:12

We have got...

0:30:120:30:13

There we are, five cyclists.

0:30:330:30:36

Rob and Ruth, you are our low scorers, so you will answer first.

0:30:360:30:39

I think there's only one that I know and it is C,

0:30:500:30:54

and it's Bradley Wiggins.

0:30:540:30:56

Bradley Wiggins said Rob and Ruth.

0:30:560:30:58

Now, Sarah and Martin, do you want to talk us through that board?

0:30:580:31:02

We were going to go for C as well.

0:31:060:31:08

-Yeah.

-Shall we have a guess?

0:31:080:31:11

We'll have a guess at B. Victoria Pendleton.

0:31:110:31:14

B, Victoria Pendelton.

0:31:140:31:16

So we have Bradley Wiggins and we have Victoria Pendleton.

0:31:160:31:19

Rob and Ruth went for Bradley Wiggins.

0:31:190:31:22

Let's see how many people said it.

0:31:220:31:23

55 for Bradley Wiggins.

0:31:300:31:32

Now, Sarah and Martin meanwhile have gone for Victoria Pendleton for B.

0:31:350:31:39

Let's see if that's right and how many people said that.

0:31:390:31:42

Yep, it absolutely is Victoria Pendleton and it wins you the point.

0:31:440:31:48

Look at that. Well done!

0:31:480:31:49

Good answer there. 22.

0:31:490:31:51

Very well done, Sarah and Martin.

0:31:520:31:54

After one question you are up 1-0.

0:31:540:31:56

Yeah, very well played and let's fill in the rest of this board, shall we?

0:31:560:31:59

A, she's been on the show, hasn't she? The wonderful

0:31:590:32:02

Dame Sarah Storey. 22 medals across six Paralympics.

0:32:020:32:04

That would have scored you 25 points.

0:32:040:32:07

D is the best answer on the board.

0:32:070:32:09

She set the cycling 12 hour record in 1967.

0:32:090:32:12

Very well done if you said Beryl Burton.

0:32:120:32:14

That would have scored you one point. A terrific answer.

0:32:140:32:17

And E is Chris Boardman, of course.

0:32:170:32:19

It would've scored you 14 points.

0:32:190:32:22

His name is almost an exact anagram of mine.

0:32:220:32:24

His name is Richard Osman B.

0:32:240:32:26

What about that? There you go.

0:32:260:32:29

-There you are.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

0:32:290:32:32

OK, here comes your second question.

0:32:320:32:34

Rob and Ruth, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

0:32:340:32:37

Sarah and Martin get to answer it first.

0:32:370:32:40

Our second question is all about TV satire.

0:32:400:32:44

I'm going to show you the initials now of five TV satire programmes and

0:32:440:32:48

the year in which they were first broadcast.

0:32:480:32:50

Can you tell us which scored the fewest points, please?

0:32:500:32:53

OK, let's reveal our five TV satire programmes.

0:32:530:32:56

Here they are...

0:32:560:32:57

I read those one last time.

0:33:110:33:13

Sarah and Martin will go first.

0:33:240:33:27

We think we know three of them.

0:33:370:33:41

We're going to go for the bottom one, Spitting Image.

0:33:410:33:44

Spitting Image, say Sarah and Martin.

0:33:440:33:47

Now, Rob and Ruth, talk us through that board.

0:33:470:33:50

The top one is That Was The Week That What Was.

0:33:500:33:53

The next one is Have I Got News For You.

0:33:530:33:56

Then there's Not The Nine O'clock News and there's Mock The Week and

0:33:560:33:59

there's Spitting Image.

0:33:590:34:01

The question is, which one's the best one to go for?

0:34:010:34:04

Not The Nine O'Clock News.

0:34:040:34:05

Not The Nine O'clock News say Rob and Ruth.

0:34:050:34:08

Spitting Image and Not The Nine O'clock News.

0:34:080:34:10

Martin and Sarah went for Spitting Image.

0:34:100:34:12

Let's see how many people said that.

0:34:120:34:14

It's right.

0:34:160:34:17

Good answer!

0:34:230:34:24

Ten for Spitting Image.

0:34:250:34:27

Well done.

0:34:270:34:29

Rob and Ruth meanwhile have gone for Not The Nine O'Clock News.

0:34:290:34:32

There we are in the middle. Let's see how many people said that.

0:34:320:34:36

It's right.

0:34:390:34:41

Oh, 69!

0:34:420:34:44

Wow!

0:34:460:34:48

Very well done, Sarah and Martin.

0:34:480:34:50

After only two questions you are straight through to the final 2-0.

0:34:500:34:53

Very well played. Very tough to work out what the lowest score was there.

0:34:530:34:56

Spitting Image was the lowest score on the board.

0:34:560:34:59

A very, very good answer.

0:34:590:35:01

-It took me the longest to get Spitting Image.

-Oh, did it?

0:35:010:35:04

The top one, That Was the Week That Was, would have scored you 39.

0:35:040:35:09

Have I Got News For You would have scored you 47.

0:35:090:35:12

Mock the Week would have scored you 23.

0:35:140:35:18

Not The Nine O'clock News is the biggest scorer.

0:35:180:35:21

Amazing. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

0:35:210:35:24

So the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round is Rob and

0:35:240:35:28

Ruth, our golden couple.

0:35:280:35:30

You were head-to-head last time round at the blue podium and this

0:35:300:35:33

time round at the yellow. You played so well and great answers

0:35:330:35:36

all the way through. It's the end of the road and we have to say

0:35:360:35:38

goodbye. Far too soon, really.

0:35:380:35:40

It's been lovely having you on both shows.

0:35:400:35:42

Thank you very much, Rob and Ruth.

0:35:420:35:44

But for Sarah and Martin it's now time for our Pointless final.

0:35:480:35:51

Congratulations, Sarah and Martin.

0:35:550:35:57

You've seen of all of the competition

0:35:570:35:59

and you have one our coveted Pointless trophy.

0:35:590:36:02

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot and at the end of

0:36:070:36:11

today's show the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

0:36:110:36:14

Well, what a turnaround. What a turnaround!

0:36:170:36:20

Last time you left at the end of round one,

0:36:200:36:22

-members of the 200 club.

-Yeah.

-Here you are.

0:36:220:36:25

It was 2-0 in the head-to-head. No arguing with that.

0:36:250:36:28

What would you like to see come up in this round?

0:36:280:36:32

Disney Films. Love it. I'd be happy with them.

0:36:320:36:35

Anything sort of sporty.

0:36:370:36:38

Disney films and anything sporty. You know what it's like.

0:36:380:36:42

Four things go up on there and when you first see them

0:36:420:36:44

your heart sinks but usually there is something in there you can

0:36:440:36:47

find. Today's selection looks like this. We've got...

0:36:470:36:50

I'm thinking hospital-based TV shows

0:36:590:37:02

because we watch quite a few.

0:37:020:37:05

-The '70s one is all down to me.

-I know, yeah.

0:37:050:37:09

It's one of the two. Which do you think?

0:37:100:37:13

Put it on me, go for the '70s.

0:37:140:37:16

We'll do that then. Classic albums from the early 1970s.

0:37:160:37:19

-OK.

-Very best of luck.

0:37:190:37:21

Three genuine classical albums here.

0:37:210:37:23

We're looking for any tracks on the original releases of any of the

0:37:230:37:26

following three albums. Any track on...

0:37:260:37:29

Any tracks on the original UK releases of any of those

0:37:390:37:42

three albums, please. Very, very best of luck.

0:37:420:37:44

Thanks very much, indeed. You've got up to one minute to come up with

0:37:440:37:47

three answers and all you need

0:37:470:37:48

to win that jackpot is for just one of your answers to be pointless.

0:37:480:37:52

-Are you ready?

-Yes.

-No.

0:37:520:37:55

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

0:37:550:37:57

There they are. Your time starts now.

0:37:570:37:59

I'm thinking...

0:37:590:38:01

We should have chosen another category.

0:38:010:38:03

It's too late now.

0:38:030:38:05

The Bob Dylan one. Haven't you got one of his albums on your computer?

0:38:070:38:12

I'm not sure.

0:38:120:38:14

I don't know the first one.

0:38:150:38:17

Bridge Over Troubled Water...

0:38:190:38:21

The title itself was on the album, so there's one.

0:38:210:38:24

I think we'll have to take a punt.

0:38:260:38:29

We've got 30 seconds.

0:38:290:38:31

Blood On The Tracks...

0:38:310:38:34

We'll have to just make something up and hope it's right.

0:38:340:38:39

-Something that makes sense.

-Victim.

0:38:390:38:41

Tapestry...

0:38:440:38:46

Patchwork.

0:38:460:38:48

-Ten

-seconds left.

0:38:490:38:51

Bridge Over Troubled Water. You don't know anything?

0:38:550:38:57

-I don't know, no.

-OK, that is your time up.

0:38:570:39:01

Let's have your three answers.

0:39:010:39:02

The top one... I don't know anything about that and we're going to go for

0:39:030:39:07

-Patchwork.

-Patchwork from tapestry.

0:39:070:39:09

A theme there.

0:39:110:39:13

-Blood On The Tracks and we'll go with Victim.

-Victim.

0:39:130:39:17

And Bridge Over Troubled Water,

0:39:170:39:21

we'll call one Stream.

0:39:210:39:23

Stream.

0:39:230:39:25

OK... Shall we put those down in the order that you've given them in?

0:39:250:39:30

Any order you like.

0:39:300:39:32

We'll put them in the order you have given them in and we have Patchwork,

0:39:320:39:36

Victim... They look good printed up there, don't they?

0:39:360:39:40

Stream.

0:39:400:39:42

-You never know.

-One of these days it is going to happen

0:39:420:39:45

that somebody's going to make up an album track or a title of a book

0:39:450:39:49

that is actually going to be right and it's going to be Pointless.

0:39:490:39:53

If today...

0:39:530:39:55

Listen, if today were that day and you were to win £2,000,

0:39:560:39:59

what would you do with that?

0:39:590:40:01

I'm currently enrolled on a course to be a driving instructor,

0:40:010:40:05

so it would help a lot going towards the cost of the tests.

0:40:050:40:09

Very good. Good, that would be a great thing to do. Martin?

0:40:090:40:13

Tyres and tubes.

0:40:130:40:15

I'm all was getting punctures.

0:40:160:40:18

Very good. OK, best of luck.

0:40:180:40:21

Three answers there. You just know.

0:40:210:40:23

-No.

-We won't know until we've tested them.

0:40:230:40:25

Your first answer was Patchwork.

0:40:250:40:27

If it is Pointless it will win you £2,000.

0:40:310:40:33

Let's see if it's right.

0:40:330:40:35

No.

0:40:380:40:39

I fear not Patchwork.

0:40:390:40:41

Your next answer was Victim.

0:40:410:40:44

In this case we were looking

0:40:440:40:46

for tracks from the 1975 album Blood On The Tracks.

0:40:460:40:50

For £2,000 let's find out if it's right and Pointless.

0:40:500:40:53

Victim.

0:40:530:40:55

No. I'm afraid not Victim.

0:40:560:40:59

One more shot at today's jackpot.

0:40:590:41:01

In this case we were going for Stream

0:41:010:41:04

on the Simon and Garfunkel album Bridge Over Troubled Water

0:41:040:41:07

from 1970. For £2,000 is it right? Is it pointless?

0:41:070:41:11

-No!

-Never mind.

-I'm sorry.

0:41:150:41:17

Consistent.

0:41:180:41:20

Very consistent. Nothing wrong with that.

0:41:200:41:23

I'm afraid you haven't won our jackpot today.

0:41:230:41:26

That will roll over onto the next show. It's been great having the on.

0:41:260:41:29

Really strong performance and you each get a Pointless trophy to take

0:41:290:41:33

home. Very well done indeed, Sarah and Martin.

0:41:330:41:36

Yeah, well played, Sarah and Martin.

0:41:410:41:42

I enjoyed those answers as well very much.

0:41:420:41:45

Let's take a look at the pointless answers

0:41:450:41:47

in those different categories. There's only one on Tapestry.

0:41:470:41:50

Way Over Yonder.

0:41:500:41:51

Very well done if you said that.

0:41:510:41:53

Biggest scorers there were You've Got A Friend,

0:41:530:41:56

I Feel The Earth Move and You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman.

0:41:560:41:59

There is a few more on Blood on the Tracks.

0:41:590:42:01

This is where people at home might have got a Pointless answer.

0:42:010:42:04

You could have had...

0:42:040:42:06

Let's move onto Simon and Garfunkel.

0:42:130:42:15

Two pointless answers here...

0:42:160:42:18

Very well done if you got one of those pointless answers at home.

0:42:200:42:23

I'm sorry, Martin and Sarah, you didn't win the jackpot

0:42:230:42:25

but I have to say for people who missed the start of our show,

0:42:250:42:28

Martin, you are the player and coach of the English wheelchair

0:42:280:42:31

rugby union team - the best in the world.

0:42:310:42:34

If that's not a winner, I don't know what is.

0:42:340:42:37

Well, unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to Sarah and Martin.

0:42:410:42:45

-It's been brilliant having you on the show.

-Thank you for having us.

-Great contestants.

0:42:450:42:49

Well, Sarah and Martin didn't win our jackpot today,

0:42:520:42:55

which means it rolls over onto our next show which means we will be

0:42:550:42:58

playing for £3,000. Join us then to see if someone can win it.

0:42:580:43:01

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

0:43:010:43:04

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

0:43:040:43:06

Quiz in which contestants try to score as few points as possible by plumbing the depths of their general knowledge to come up with the answers no-one else can think of. Presented by Alexander Armstrong and Richard Osman.


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