Episode 7 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless.

This is the show where questions have been asked to 100 people

and our contestants have to come up with answers

no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

And couple number one.

Hello, I'm Laura.

This is my friend, Jerry, and we're from Alpington.

Couple number two.

Hi. I'm Jess.

This is my mum Linda and we're from Lancashire.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Alice. This is my twin sister Emily and we're from Ipswich.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi. I'm Richard and this is my partner Adrian.

We're from Halifax in West Yorkshire.

And these are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

A warm welcome to all. Thank you very much indeed.

We will find out more about you throughout the show,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Penning an open letter to ignorance

with cosignatories Germaine Greer and Barry Chuckle,

-it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

-APPLAUSE

-Hi, everybody.

-That's Sir Barry Chuckle to you.

-Isn't it?

-I think.

-Yeah.

Isn't it just? One returning pair from last time.

That's Richard and Adrian, who did very well.

Got through to the head-to-head.

I think tactically made a slight mistake in the head-to-head as well,

so they're going to be tough to beat, I think.

But more importantly, somebody here made us cakes.

Oh!

And what cakes.

-Oh, have you had yours?

-Oh, a selection.

There's a Bakewell tart there. There's the flapjack.

Something that looks like a doughnut. I haven't tried that yet.

But...incredible.

-Sponge cake.

-And that person was Linda.

-Yeah.

-So...

-you know...

-Yeah, she'll win.

Yeah. Might as well call a halt to proceedings right now.

-Yeah.

-But thank you so much, Linda. I have not had them yet...

You're welcome.

..but I'm assuming they're deli... They certainly look delightful.

-Ah!

-Let's play.

Hey, come on. Yes, there we are.

Now, listen, Vicki and Ray didn't win the jackpot last time,

which is sad news for them,

but quite exciting because it means we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot actually starts off at a rather meaningful £3,000.

APPLAUSE There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, as ever, I just have to remind you that the pair

with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

That's it. That's the only rule.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon is...

US Presidents.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many US presidents

whose surnames contain six letters or fewer.

-Six letters or fewer in the name of any US president. Richard.

-Yep.

We're looking for the full name of any US president whose surname

has six letters or fewer, please.

So, their full name.

For any naughty people at home,

Van Buren I'm counting as eight letters.

-Oh!

-So, Martin Van Buren we won't allow.

OK. Now then, Laura, a warm welcome to you. From Orpington in Kent.

-Thank you.

-What do you do down in Orpington?

I work for social services as a placement officer.

So, it's finding homes and foster homes for children and older people.

Very good indeed.

Now, Laura, what do you get up to when you're not finding placement?

Reading. Quite a bit of reading. Watching TV and films.

And a bit of internet poker as well.

Now, sometimes people do a little revision

before they come on Pointless.

Have you done anything like that?

I have done a little bit of revision on US presidents

whose surnames contain six letters or fewer.

LAUGHTER That was prescient, wasn't it?

-It was good, wasn't it?

-Awesome.

-Yeah.

That is awesome. So, what are you going to go for?

I am going to go for James Polk.

James Polk. OK.

James Polk. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

5! APPLAUSE

That's still good, though, Laura.

I'm sorry it didn't go all the way down, but still,

5 is an excellent score. Gets us off to a rollicking start.

Yeah, James K Polk, 1845. Did you really revise US presidents?

Yes.

-That's quite handy, isn't it?

-Isn't it, though?

-I'm sure they did after I told her what the first round was.

-Oh.

That was when you thought Laura was the person who made us cakes.

You must have misheard.

No, Laura has made me a car.

LAUGHTER

-That's nice.

-Thanks very much indeed.

-Now, Jess, a very warm welcome to you.

-Thank you.

Lovely to have you here from Lancashire. What do you do, Jess?

I work as a retail assistant in a clothing department

of a supermarket.

Very good. And what are your hobbies, Jess?

I really enjoy amateur dramatics.

I'm a member of an adult group myself

and I also help out with the children's amateur dramatics.

Which do you prefer?

Do you prefer doing it yourself or do you prefer being a...?

It's got to be being on stage myself.

Are you preparing anything at the moment?

-Have you got anything in production?

-Not as yet.

We're planning something for next year,

-but I can't say what yet.

-OK.

I see. Very good. Well, good luck with whatever it is next year.

-Thank you.

-It sounds exciting.

Jess, US presidents with six letters or fewer in their name.

I've got a couple in mind,

and I'm going to go for Chester Arthur.

-Chester Arthur.

-Yeah.

-Arthur, says Jess. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Chester Arthur.

Well, Polk scored 5. Arthur...

-scores

-1! Ooh!

APPLAUSE Very well done indeed.

-Good job.

-See, this is very...

-This is exceptional play.

-It's very high-quality play so far, yeah.

Terrific stuff. Chester A Arthur. Very well played.

-OK, now, Emily, welcome. Welcome.

-Thank you.

-Where have you come from?

-I've come from Ipswich.

What do you do in Ipswich, Emily?

I'm a student at Cambridge at the moment.

And what are you studying?

I've just studied philosophy for a year

-and now I'm going to study law for two years.

-Really?

Well, at what stage did you decide to pull out of philosophy?

The middle of first term, really.

-I love it, but I really want to be a lawyer.

-Right.

Well, that's handy. That makes it much easier, doesn't it?

When you get to the end of your third year

you know exactly what to do.

And what have you enjoyed doing aside from study?

I coach disabled athletics.

-Very good.

-Yeah. Really love it.

When did you start doing that, just this year?

No, I've been doing that for about three years now. Yeah.

-Excellent.

-I really love it.

-Good stuff.

Now, Emily, we've had a very strong start to this round.

I hope you're not feeling too much pressure there,

but it'd be quite nice to have a pointless answer.

I'd love to blame the pressure,

but my revision certainly didn't extend to US presidents

with six letters or fewer, so I'm really sorry, Alice,

but I'm going to have to say George Bush.

OK. Which George Bush?

Senior.

-Yes.

-George Bush Senior.

-George Bush Senior.

-George Bush Senior.

Sounds reasonable enough. Let's see if it's right. Obviously it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said George Bush Senior.

41.

See, great answer, great answer, Cambridge student.

-THEY LAUGH

-That's what we've seen so far.

Yes, 41 points, George Bush Senior.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Richard, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-This kept happening last show. Richard. Richard.

-Richard. Richard. Yeah.

-Richard. Richard.

-Richard.

POLITELY: Richard - when I say it like that, it's you.

GRUFFLY: Richard - is you.

Richard. Yes, now, Richard, remind us what you do.

I'm a customer services coordinator for a drinks technology beverage...

Oh, you didn't tell us it was drinks technology last time.

No, it's too much of a mouthful.

Well, depends what kind of drink it is. I don't know.

I'm sure the technology could sort that out.

-Exactly. You'd have thought.

-It's beer and soft drinks.

-Beer...

-Beer and soft drinks.

-Beer and soft drinks. Dispensing, though.

-Yes.

-So, it's draft systems.

-Those type of things, yes. Coolers.

So, it's essentially publicans who ring you up to say thank you, yes?

The publicans don't tend to buy anything now. It's...

-It's the brewers.

-It's all done through service providers.

-Oh.

What's happening to the world?

I know! LAUGHTER

I don't understand anything any more.

-Richard, don't you think that's the case?

-Yes.

-Richard?

-Yeah.

-You think so.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Me and Richard are very much birds of feather.

Yeah. Quite right. Now, Richard, what would you like to go for?

Which of the presidents?

I've got one name that's sticking in my head

because the one I was going to have has been taken.

I'm going to say Woodrow Wilson.

-Woodrow Wilson.

-Yes.

-Sounds good to me.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Woodrow Wilson.

Well, 41 is our high score.

You zip past 41. 1 is our low score.

You approach 1.

APPLAUSE 7 is where we end up.

Not bad at all.

That's another very good answer. Well done.

Sometimes the more exotic names stay in our mind,

-and it's the Woodrow Wilsons that slip through the net.

-Mm.

Thanks very much, Richard. We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores as they stand. 1, Jess.

Very well done. Then 5 is where we find Laura and Jerry.

7 is where we find Adrian and Richard

and then 41 is where we find Emily and Alice.

Now, Emily and Alice, you are quite substantially ahead for the moment.

Alice, though, I know you've been revising hard.

Sadly, I think you've been revising flags, but, um...

THEY LAUGH ..who knows?

Maybe you've got a good answer. Let's hope so.

Let's hope it keeps you in the game. We're going back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Adrian, we are looking for US presidents whose surnames

contain six letters or fewer.

Now then, remind us what you do, Adrian.

-Yeah, I'm a senior sales for a shirt retailer.

-A shirt retailer.

-That's it, yeah.

-In Leeds.

-In Leeds, yeah.

And what are your interests outside the world of shirts?

Well, I like...I also like alternative therapies.

-I do a bit of Reiki myself as well.

-As a practitioner?

-Yeah.

Well, I'm about to start it, yes.

I do it only for friends and family at the moment.

If you do raking, my lawn needs doing.

-That'd be amazing.

-THEY LAUGH

So, you're doing a course then in it?

I've done a course, so I'm able to, like, practise, obviously,

like, have clients, so to speak. Yeah.

OK, now, Adrian, what are you going to go for? You're on 7.

The highest scorers are Alice and Emily on 41, so 33 or less.

Very good scoring. I think I have to be a bit more risky.

I'm going to take a punt. I don't know if I'm right.

-I'm going to go for Jeremy Ford.

-Jeremy Ford.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Jeremy...

-Yeah.

-..Ford.

There is a red line. OK, let's see if Jeremy Ford is right.

Oh, Adrian, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

It scores you 100 points.

Take your total up to 107.

Yeah, sorry, Adrian. Not a president up to 2015.

-Who knows?

-Yeah.

-Soon there may be a Jeremy Ford, but not yet.

Now, Alice, "Phew," shall we just say, for a moment. Phew.

You've been thrown a massive lifeline there by Adrian.

Alice, what do you do?

I'm a student as well at Imperial.

Were you and Emily at school together

all the way through to the age of 18?

-Yeah. The whole time.

-And you go off to separate universities.

How has that been?

It was tricky at the beginning, but it's getting easier.

Like, we hadn't spent more than a week apart

-before we went uni, but...

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-That is something.

-What are you reading?

-Materials science and engineering.

Materials science and engineering. What...?

I was hoping this question did not come up.

It's basically, like,

the chemistry and physics of materials

and how we can kind of engineer them

to have different properties for different uses.

So, essentially like working in a shirt shop. Same thing.

-Yeah, of course.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

There we are. Now, Alice, you have to score 65 or less.

I was thinking Ford as well, so I was thinking Henry...

but I don't know if Henry Ford exists either,

but I might just gamble with him if I can.

He may exist. He just may not have been present, but who knows?

We'll see. Was he president? Henry Ford. Here's your red line.

Henry Ford. Is it right?

No! I'm sorry. Not Henry Ford.

I swear he exists.

Ford is turning into a minefield!

-That takes you up to 141.

-He definitely existed, Henry Ford.

He famously said,

"You can have any answer you want, so long as it's wrong."

-Yeah, that was him.

-LAUGHTER

Thanks very much indeed. Linda.

-Linda, an especially warm welcome to you.

-Thank you.

Lovely to have you here on Pointless.

And what do you do, apart from baking the finest cakes?

I'm retired.

Well, what did you used to do?

I was a primary school teacher.

Lovely. And how long have you been baking for?

Ooh, since I lived at home with my mum

and she used to bake every Sunday.

We had a traditional Sunday tea, you see, with lots of cake,

and she was a great cakeaholic, and I've inherited the cakeaholism.

Well, quite right. I'm glad. Let's keep this holism thing going.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I like cakeaholism.

-Cakeaholism.

-Cakeaholism.

Yeah, I'm in danger of becoming a cakeaholic. Wow!

The quantity and deliciousness of what you brought.

Now, you have a score of 1 thanks to Jess, which means,

among other things, it doesn't matter what you score.

Even if you come up with a completely wrong answer,

you will still be through to the next round.

I will go for William Taft.

William Taft, says Linda.

They're very good on podium two, aren't they? William Taft.

Let's see how many said that.

No red line for you. You're already through.

It's right.

I didn't know whether it was William.

APPLAUSE Look at that. 4.

Very well done indeed on podium two.

Takes your total up to 5.

Yeah, William Taft. Another terrific answer. Well played.

One of the very few four-letter-surnamed...

-We've had three already.

-Mm.

-Mm.

-Mm!

Thank you. Jerry, welcome.

Great to have you here. What do you do, Jerry?

I'm a London bus driver.

Are you? Which route are you on?

-I'm a spare driver, so I do 25 different routes.

-Wow.

-You're always on a different... Who knows?

-Yes.

Presumably, you turn up to work with no idea where you're driving.

No. I have no idea. Well, I do have some idea.

About a week or two in advance,

I know what routes I'm going to be on for the following.

Do you ever do the 94?

No, I don't cos I'm out of Alpington garage, unfortunately.

Oh, yeah. I'm out of Alpington...

-We do go into Central London sometimes.

-By mistake?

No. On purpose.

I mean, sometimes presumably

they have their full supply of drivers

-and they don't need you as a spare.

-Uh, that...

-That's never happened.

-Not going to happen.

Never going to happen.

OK, so you never get a surprise day off when they go,

"Jerry, you'll never guess, everyone's fit and healthy."

This is my day off, Xander.

Oh, well, thank you for coming and spending it with us.

-Thank you for inviting me.

-Very nice to have you here.

Now, Jerry, it doesn't matter what you score, which is great news.

You're through, come what may. What would you like to say?

-I would like to say Harry Truman.

-Harry Truman.

And hopefully he's T-R-U-M-A-N and not T-R-U-E-M-A-N.

Harry Truman, says Jerry.

Let's see how many people said Harry Truman.

No red line for you. You're already through.

Very well done. Look at that.

Harry Truman, down to 6. That's a great score.

APPLAUSE Taking your total up to 11.

Terrific answer, Jerry. Very well played. Yeah, 1945 to '53.

Now, there was only one pointless answer on the whole board,

which gives you an idea of how good an answer

Chester A Arthur was, Jess.

One pointless answer, and it is...

It's not any of the kind of unusually-named ones,

the exotically-named ones.

It is Zachary Taylor.

Zachary Taylor. Very well done if you said that.

1 point for James Munro. 1 point for Franklin Pierce and John Tyler.

3 points for Ulysses S Grant,

Rutherford B Hayes and John Quincy Adams.

11 points for John Adams, 14 for Herbert Hoover.

27 for Gerald Ford.

Gerald Ford.

Henry Ford was the guy who set up the Ford Motor Company,

and Jeremy Ford is an estate agent in Basingstoke.

LAUGHTER

And the top three answers, George Bush Senior, 41.

Ronald Reagan, 47, and Barack Obama, 64.

Thanks very much, Richard. At the end of our first round,

the pair we're sending home with a score of 141...

I'm sorry, Alice and Emily.

-..it's the twins. There we are. Henry Ford.

-At least he exists.

Of course, it was Gerald, you see. Well, there we are.

We'll see you next time. We look forward to that.

Thanks very much for playing. Alice and Emily.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Well done, well done. You've made it to Round Two.

Well done, Laura and Jerry, for revising.

Well done, Jess and Linda, for being our low scorers,

and well done, Richard and Adrian, for scraping through.

THEY LAUGH Three of you remain.

There'll only be two pairs at the end of this round,

so best of luck to all.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is language.

Language. Can you all decide who's to go first, who's to go second?

Whoever is going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

-Goodbye, Richard.

-I'm looking forward to this.

-We're going to put you through your paces here.

-Excellent.

On each board we're going to show you the word goodbye

in six foreign languages.

Can you tell us which language these are taken from, please?

It's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home. Best of luck.

Now let's enjoy Xander's pronunciation.

LAUGHTER OK.

We're looking for the languages in which these words

or terms mean goodbye.

Here's our first board.

APPLAUSE Thank you very much. Thank you.

I'll try and read those one last time.

-There we are. Laura.

-Xander.

Now, how are we feeling about this language board?

Well, I know three of them, and I will go for the top one,

do widzenia, which is Polish for goodbye.

Polish. Let's see if Polish is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Polish.

It's right.

18. APPLAUSE

18. Not bad at all.

Yes. Very well played, Laura. It's interesting.

It's one of those things that 20 years ago

wouldn't have scored very many,

but we know so many Polish people now that it's becoming...

It's a language we're much more familiar with than we were.

Thank you, Richard. Jess.

So, there's only two on there

that I do know.

I'm going to say that the lowest

will be auf wiedersehen, German.

Auf wiedersehen, German, says Jess. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 said German.

Oh, bad luck, Jess. That's... APPLAUSE

That's a high one. 89.

Yeah, not an awful lot you could've done there, I suspect.

An lot of people would've known the two obvious ones on that board,

and with Polish out of the way, which was very cleverly done,

didn't leave you much option.

Mm. Richard.

I think I know two.

I think the third one is adjo,

and I think that is French.

And I think adios is Spanish.

I'm going to go for adios.

Adios, Spanish, says Richard.

OK, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Spanish.

85. APPLAUSE

-Jess, was that the other one you were going to go for?

-Yeah.

Isn't that interesting? I thought it was.

You went with the one I'd have gone for as well,

but 85, a little bit lower.

Yeah, tough to work out which one of those would've won.

There's a town in Spain called Adios.

-Slightly weird place to live, isn't it?

-Yeah, slightly.

Must be confusing when...

What does it say, "Welcome to Adios" as you arrive?

Must be confusing when you answer the phone.

That's your number, Adios.

Now, let's go through the rest of these, shall we?

Tam biet is Vietnamese. Well done if you said that. 8 points.

-The one below it, remind me how you pronounce that.

-Viszontlatasra.

-Yeah, that's how I would pronounce it too.

-Yeah.

-And it is Hungarian.

-Good.

6 points for that.

The best answer on the board is adjo.

Very well done at home if you said Swedish.

It's a pointless answer. Terrific answer.

-There we are.

-Adjo.

But actually, you're right. It does look like adieu.

FRENCH ACCENT: Adieu to you and you and you.

Anyway, there we are. It's not.

-But you read it and pronounced it so beautifully.

-Adjo. There we are.

Adjo, adjo, it's off to work we go.

LAUGHTER Well, it is. There we are.

Thanks very much.

OK, halfway through. Let's take a look at those scores. 18, Laura.

Very well done. Laura and Jerry looking supreme at this point.

Then up to 85, where we find Adrian and Richard.

Then up to 89, Jess and Linda.

Not that far ahead, Linda.

I hope you'll be able to find

a nice low score that'll keep you in the game.

Best of luck. We're coming back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more terms of farewell up on the board,

and here they are.

We have...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Adrian, bless bless.

Yeah.

Oh, let's have a little

think about this one.

I know one which is obvious,

but I'm just thinking

about the other ones.

I'm going to play it safe

this time on au revoir,

which is obviously French.

Au revoir, French, says Adrian.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said it.

There is your red line.

-Oh, God.

-95.

95. What about that?

-Taking your total up to 180.

-Yeah.

Literally translates as until we see each other again, au revoir,

which is a nice one for Pointless.

It is, isn't it?

OK, now, Linda.

Linda, here's what you have to score - 90 or less.

Yes. OK.

How are we feeling about that selection of farewells?

Ooh, I only know one more.

I could have a guess at one,

but I'm not going to do.

I'm going to say arrivederci,

Italian.

Italian, says Linda, arrivederci. You have to get below this.

Can you do that with arrivederci? We've had some high scores.

Let's hope arrivederci gets you below that red line.

Let's see how many people said it.

You've done it.

81. Good enough.

Good enough. Takes your total up to lovely round 170.

Safely through. Well done.

They've only got 21 letters in their alphabet, the Italians.

-Of course, yes.

-Yeah.

-Cos people keep stealing them.

They do, yes. Absolutely. They've tried to chain them up,

but five of them have disappeared and never been seen again.

Over the years.

So, if you are anywhere in the countryside, you see a J,

a K, a W, an X or a Y buried somewhere

or just in a lock-up, anywhere at all,

in an abandoned shed, please return them to Italy.

Just return them.

They don't have J, K, W, X or Y in their alphabet.

In foreign words that come into their language, they use them,

but not in their own alphabet.

There we are. Mm.

Jerry. Jerry, now, listen, here's great news.

You are through no matter what you score.

My assistant has done it again.

Mm.

I'm pretty sure you know a good few of those.

Do you fancy having a crack and just talk us through that board?

I'll have a crack at them, but I haven't got a clue.

Adeus, Greek.

Vaarwel, double A, Norway or Holland?

Gule gule and bless bless, no idea.

I'll go for gule gule, Uzbekistan.

-Gule gule.

-Yeah.

-Uzbekistan. The Uzbek farewell.

-Yes.

-Gule gule.

Let's see if that's right. No red line for you.

You're already through.

Let's see how many people said Uzbekistan, Uzbek.

Oh.

Not, as it happens, an Uzbek farewell.

That scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 118.

You're still the lowest scorers of the round.

Imagine if it had been Uzbek, though, Jerry.

You would've been carried shoulder-high

down Borehamwood High Street, wouldn't you?

It would've been a great answer.

Now, those top two, you can maybe do a bit of detective work

and work those out.

Adeus is very similar to adios, but it's not adios.

-Oh, it'll be Portuguese.

-Portuguese is exactly right.

14.

-Now, this next one is essentially farewell.

-It's surely...

-It must be Dutch, mustn't it?

-It is Dutch, yeah.

Would've accepted Afrikaans as well. 24 points for that.

Gule gule...

Is a delicious chocolate pudding you can buy. Mmm!

-It's Turkish.

-OK.

-It's Turkish. 6 points for that.

Well done if you got that.

And another pointless answer, bless bless.

You would've had to have been there, I suspect, to get this.

It is Icelandic.

I have been there.

No-one ever said goodbye to me, though.

Bless bless is essentially when a favoured guest is leaving, so...

Oh, right, yeah. I'd never have heard that.

There we are. Thanks very much indeed.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair we are sending home

with a high score of 180, Adrian and Richard.

I'm afraid this time it's not au revoir.

This time it is viszon... etc. I won't continue!

I'm really sorry, but it was head-to-head last time.

You were quite close to being there again,

but I'm afraid just not close enough.

We have to say goodbye.

Thank you so much, Adrian and Richard.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-Good luck.

-APPLAUSE

For Jess, Linda, Laura and Jerry, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Very well done, Laura and Jerry, Jess and Linda.

You're now one step closer to the final and a chance

to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

You know the drill. You can confer before you give answers.

First pair to win two questions will play for the jackpot.

Well, this is the semifinal I was hoping to see, I have to say.

Two of our strongest teams.

I mean, very, very assured answering we've had from you. Just wonderful.

I think this is going to be incredibly close.

I wouldn't like to call it, but best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head. APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question, and it concerns...

Famous Phils.

Going to show you five pictures. Famous Phils or Philips.

Can you identify the most obscure?

OK, let's reveal our Phils, and here they come. We've got...

There we are.

Five famous Phils.

Laura and Jerry, you're our low scorers.

You'll go first.

-WHISPERS:

-I know three.

-WHISPERS:

-Which ones do you know?

-A, which is Phillip Schofield.

-Yeah, which ones?

D and E.

It's Phil Taylor, a darts player.

So shall I say it or do you want to say it, E?

-Yeah.

-We'll go for E, Phil Taylor.

Phil Taylor, say Laura and Jerry. Phil Taylor.

Now, Jess and Linda, that board is all yours.

-Do you want to talk us through it?

-Right.

I don't think we could. We know that A is Phillip Schofield.

We're not sure about B or C,

and we know that D is Phil Silvers, so we're going for D, please.

D, Phil Silvers. So, we have Phil Taylor and we have Phil Silvers.

Laura and Jerry said Phil Taylor.

Let's see if it's right, how many said it.

It's right.

APPLAUSE 39.

Jess and Linda, meanwhile, have said Phil Silvers is D.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Oh, 43!

APPLAUSE 43 for Phil Silvers.

Good answer, though.

Like I said, very, very close indeed. After one question,

it's means, Laura and Jerry, you are up 1-0.

Let's take a look at the rest of these scores.

Phillip Schofield is A, a very big scorer.

Look at this. 93 points.

-That's pretty impressive, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-B gets slightly fewer than that.

-Phillip Roth, is it?

It's not Phillip Roth. It's the composer Philip Glass.

-Ah!

-3 points for that.

You won't be the only person who says Philip Roth.

-And C...

-Philip Green.

..is the businessman Philip Green, yeah.

Would have scored 32.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, here comes your second question, Jess and Linda.

You get to answer it first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game.

It concerns...

Sheffield.

Shiny Sheff. Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you five clues now

to one of my favourite cities of all, Sheffield.

Give us the most obscure answer out of these five, please.

-It's one of mine as well. I love Sheffield.

-Lovely, Sheffield.

-Yeah.

-You never have a bad time in Sheffield.

-Never. Never, ever, ever.

Let's reveal our five clues, and here they come.

I'll read that one last time.

Jess and Linda will go first.

Eek. We know three.

Well, two and a bit, so...

we're just going to go for one that

we're sure of and go for the theatre

opened in 1971 as The Crucible.

The Crucible, say Jess and Linda.

Now, Laura and Jerry, what would you like to go for?

Want to talk us through that board?

OK.

I don't know the top one.

I think that's Pulp.

OK. The second one is the Owls.

-The third one?

-The Full Monty?

-Yeah.

And the fourth one is Nick Clegg.

We will go for...

-The Owls.

-..the Owls. The second one.

The Owls. The Owls, say Laura and Jerry.

So, Linda and Jess said The Crucible.

Let's see if that's right for the theatre.

Let's see how many people said it.

It is right.

58. APPLAUSE

58 for The Crucible.

Meanwhile, Laura and Jerry have gone for the Owls,

the nickname of Sheffield Wednesday.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said the Owls.

It's right.

And it wins you the point. Very well done indeed.

29 it scores. APPLAUSE

It means, Laura and Jerry, after only two questions,

you are straight through to the final 2-0.

You went through the board very nicely as well.

Let's take a look at the scores.

You're right about Pulp, Laura.

That would've scored you 20 points. Best answer on the board, actually.

The film is The Full Monty.

That's the biggest answer on the board. 61.

And Nick Clegg was the politician and he scored 31.

Thanks very much, Richard.

So, the pair leaving us at the end

of the head-to-head round is Jess and Linda.

Well, I mean, amazing performance throughout the show.

Wonderful answering in both round...well, all three rounds.

You just came up against Laura and Jerry

who had more Sheffield insight than you did.

The great news is we get to see you again,

otherwise you'd have gone to the final

and that would've been over far too quickly.

But, Jess and Linda, thank you for playing. See you next time.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for Laura and Jerry,

it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Laura and Jerry.

You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show

the jackpot is standing at an admirable £3,000.

There we are. APPLAUSE

Well, I have to say, Jerry and Laura,

you have driven a fantastic short cut route

through that show, I have to say.

And lovely low-scoring. 2-0 in the head-to-head.

There's no real arguing with that.

Surely on course to take the jackpot.

What sort of subject would help you take that away, Laura?

Formula One, football, transport,

cos then I can leave it all up to Jerry.

Lovely. Jerry?

Hanoverian history and I can leave it all up to Laura.

Perfect. Let's hope there's something you like the look of.

There'll be four things to choose from.

Today's selection looks like this.

The year 1999.

The number 12 in film, possibly buses too.

Genealogy of the Royal family and ice-skating.

-Do you want to try the Royal family?

-I think it's got to be.

You'll never get another chance to...

We will try genealogy of the Royal family, please, Xander.

There we are. That could play very much to your strengths, couldn't it?

-It could.

-It could. Fingers crossed, Richard.

-Yeah.

Let's find out. We're looking for any of the three following things.

Quite simple what we're asking for.

We're looking for the names of any of Queen Elizabeth I's

grandparents and great-grandparents.

We are looking for any of Queen Victoria's grandparents

and great-grandparents,

or any of Elizabeth II's grandparents or great-grandparents.

So, grandparents and great-grandparents

of Queen Elizabeth, Queen Elizabeth II or Queen Victoria.

-Very best of luck.

-OK.

Now, you've got up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that jackpot

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

-Yes.

-OK.

Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are.

Your time starts there.

Well, Queen Victoria's parents

were Edward Duke of Kent

and Victoria of Saalfeld,

and I don't know her parents.

Edward Duke of Kent,

his parents would have been George III

-and Queen Charlotte.

-OK.

So, is that Queen Victoria's grandparents?

-OK.

-Is that Queen Victoria's grandparents?

-Yeah.

-So, George III.

-And the great-grandparents?

-Queen Charlotte...

What was George III's father... and mother?

-George III's father would have been George II.

-Right.

And Caroline of Ansbach.

That sounds like a good answer.

I think. Yeah?

Yeah.

Um...Queen Elizabeth...

You don't want to go Tudor, do you?

I'm not really a Tudor person.

So, Queen Elizabeth...

-Ten seconds left.

-OK.

Yeah, concentrate on Victoria. I think that's the best way.

Do all three answers through there.

-OK.

-Yeah?

So that one is being concentrated on.

OK, that is your time up.

I now need your three answers.

-What are you going to give me?

-We will say...

-Caroline of Ansbach.

-Caroline of Ansbach.

Queen Caroline.

George II.

-And that is...

-Queen Victoria's grandparents and great-grandparents.

Queen Victoria. Yeah. Thank you.

And George III.

-OK. Of those three, your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Caroline.

Queen Caroline, surely.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-George III.

-George III.

And George II we pop in the middle.

Let's pop those answers up on the board in that order,

and here they are.

We have got George III, George II and Caroline of Ansbach.

Very, very best of luck.

Three very authoritative answers there.

Let's hope at least one of those is pointless

and will win you that £3,000.

That's a nice jackpot to be taking home.

Laura, what would you do with your share of that?

We talked about going on a trip on the Glacier Express

-scenic railway in Switzerland.

-Lovely.

So, I'd go on that

and hope that Jerry would spend his half coming with me.

-I will.

-You will.

-Oh, I will.

-Excellent. That's nice. Good.

A nice glass of champagne and we'll toast you if we win.

-Oh. Maybe a vin chaud, I'd have thought.

-Maybe, yes.

Yes. Anyway, there we are. Very, very best of luck.

Three good answers, as I say. Surely one of those is pointless.

In all instances,

we were looking for Queen Victoria's grandparents or great-grandparents.

And you have given three good answers. George III was your first.

Let's see if it's right.

It has to be pointless for you to win,

so for £3,000, let's see how many of our 100 people said George III.

-It is right.

-We're on the right track.

All it has to do now is go down to zero

and you will leave here with £3,000.

George III taking us down through the teens into single figures.

Yes, down it goes. 7.

-APPLAUSE

-7. That's not bad.

-Not bad.

Nothing wrong with that as an answer.

Nothing wrong with that as a score. Very, very well done indeed.

Sadly not pointless,

which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was George II.

In this case, we were looking...

You're looking very worried, suddenly.

-Are you all right?

-We'll see. We'll see.

OK. George II is your next answer.

Again, we were looking for Queen Victoria's grandparents

or great-grandparents.

For £3,000, is it right? Is it pointless?

Oh, Laura. That was why you were looking aghast suddenly.

Mm.

OK, only one more shot at today's jackpot,

and your third and final answer was Caroline of Ansbach.

It has to be right and it has to be pointless to win the jackpot.

For £3,000, how many people said Caroline of Ansbach?

AUDIENCE: Aw!

Oh, Laura and Jerry... APPLAUSE

..I'm so sorry.

It looks like you know what went wrong there.

Yeah, I think I've maybe got mixed up with

Frederick Prince of Wales somewhere in the line.

-I'm not sure.

-Oh, dear.

-I should've said Charlotte.

Queen Charlotte. Oh, I'm so sorry.

You clearly know this area really well,

and you'll know all the right answers,

-all the pointless answers too, I'm sure.

-Well, maybe.

-I'm so sorry.

You didn't manage to find that pointless answer

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000.

That'll roll over onto the next show.

But you get a Pointless trophy that you can each take home,

and every time you look at it,

I hope you'll remember what an amazing job you did on the show.

You've being fantastic. Brilliant.

Laura and Jerry, very, very, very good indeed.

APPLAUSE

You've been brilliant from start to finish.

I think you know exactly what you've done there.

George III, of course, is the grandparent of Queen Victoria.

His father was Frederick Prince of Wales,

so George II is the great-great-grandparent.

-Yep.

-Queen Charlotte, who you were thinking of saying,

would've scored you 1 point.

That's OK, then. That would've been awful.

George II and Caroline of Ansbach both great-great-grandparents.

Just missed out that one generation, which was unlucky cos

I know you really know your stuff. Let's look at the pointless answers

for all the different categories.

I know lots of people at home know this stuff as well.

So, Queen Elizabeth I's grandparents, anyone

who's watched Wolf Hall will know any of the stuff about the Tudors.

Edward IV. Elizabeth Woodville was a pointless answer.

Margaret Beaufort, Thomas Howard.

You could've had Edmund Tudor, Elizabeth Howard, Elizabeth Tilney,

Margaret Butler or William Boleyn.

All of those were pointless answers. Well done if you said any of those.

Queen Victoria now.

Countess Augusta Caroline Sophia, Duke Francis,

Princess Elizabeth Albertina, Princess Sophia Antoinette.

Also you could've had for Queen Victoria

Count Heinrich XXIV,

Countess Karoline Ernestine, Duke Charles Louis Frederick

and Duke Ernest Frederick.

Well done if you said any of those.

And to Queen Elizabeth II.

Nina Cecelia Cavendish-Bentinck, Claude Bowes-Lyon,

the 14th Earl of Strathmore, and his father, the 13th Earl.

Prince Francis, Duke of Teck.

You could have Reverend Charles Cavendish-Bentinck.

Also could've had Caroline Louisa Burnaby,

Frances Dora Smith and Princess Mary Adelaide of Cambridge.

Very well done if you said any of those.

And that's one of the more unlucky losses we've had.

You've been terrific.

I nearly said Elizabeth Woodville as well, but Jerry said,

"Oh, we'll not do the Tudors."

-Hanoverian must've been my strong point!

-Yeah, Jerry!

-Yeah.

-What were you thinking?

-No! No!

-I'm not blaming Jerry.

-No, I know you're not.

I'm just saying it's awful to see it up there, cos I really wasn't sure.

But...que sera.

-Que sera.

-Oh, well, que sera indeed.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you.

It's been wonderful. Thank you so much for playing. Laura and Jerry.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, very sadly, Laura and Jerry didn't win our jackpot today

which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £4,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us then. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye for me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE