Episode 8 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to Pointless,

the show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

-Couple number one.

-Hi, Alexander, I'm Eamann

and this is my work colleague Gary. We're from Banbury.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, I'm Matt, this is my beautiful wife, Claire,

-and we're from Lincolnshire.

-Couple number three..

Hi, I'm Alice, this is my twin sister, Emily,

and we're from Ipswich.

And, finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Jess, this is my mum, Linda, and we're from Lancashire.

These are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

A warm welcome to all of you.

We'll find out more about you through the show as it goes along.

That just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

If it looks like an answer, smells like an answer

and tastes like an answer, he'll eat it.

It's my Pointless friend Richard.

Hiya, Hi, everybody.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon to you.

-And to you.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

Excellent. We have two returning pairs from the last show,

had very different shows. On podium three, we've got Emily and Alice.

One of them goes to Cambridge, one of them goes to Imperial.

Super, super bright.

-And got knocked out in Round One.

-LAUGHTER

One of them couldn't name a president. But that's fine.

Today is another day.

And on podium four, we have Linda and Jess,

who got all the through to the head-to-head.

And since the last show,

I've eaten some of the lovely cakes Linda brought in.

-Ah, Linda's cakes!

-I say some of them - ALL of them.

-They were delicious.

-I'm literally here on the back of a flapjack.

I tell you what Linda does with a flapjack, apart from alchemy -

-coconut.

-Yes, amazing.

-Did you have those, are they lemon and blueberry?

-Don't!

-I'm saving those up.

-They're very good. Is it lemon and blueberry?

-Lemon and blueberry drizzle, yeah.

-There you go. It's gorgeous.

-Mmm!

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Laura and Jerry didn't win the jackpot last time,

which is a great shame for them.

Our hearts go out, but we add another £1,000 to it,

so today's jackpot starts off at £4,000. There we are.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

You don't need to be reminded of this, of course,

but I'm going to say it nonetheless.

The pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. That's all you have to remember.

Just keep your scores low. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category this afternoon is...

Shakespeare. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first,

who's going second. Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

Titles derived from quotes from Shakespeare. Richard.

On each board, we'll show you the names

of seven literary or theatrical works

whose titles derive from Shakespeare quotations

but we've missed out the last word in each one.

Can you fill in that word, please?

There's going to be 14 in all to have a go at home. Best of luck.

Thanks. Let's reveal our first board of seven. Here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

-Gary, a warm welcome to you, here from Banbury.

-Thank you.

What keeps you busy up in Banbury?

I am a youth worker for the church which we go to -

Banbury Community Church.

I spend a lot time working with our young people.

I have a youth club, a few other bits we do during the week.

-So what day off do you get in a week?

-Interestingly...

-Yes.

Interestingly, I have to take a day off separately,

so I have a day off on a Tuesday, slightly less than average,

but I take a day off on a Tuesday.

I make sure it's my family time, spend some time with the kid.

-I've got a son who's six months old.

-Congratulations.

-And then Sunday is busy, busy.

-Yeah, I bet it is.

Sunday probably double work. Excellent.

Now, Gary, which of these titles do you want to go for and fill in?

OK, so I know that this is quite recent

and so, therefore, might be a high scorer,

but I'm going to go with John Green, The fault In Our Stars.

The Fault In Our Stars, says Gary. Let's see if that's right

and how many people said The fault In Our Stars.

It's right.

53. APPLAUSE

We'll discover how good a score that is

as the round goes on. But 53 seems good enough to get us going.

Yeah, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars." Julius Caesar.

It's amazing that all of these do come from Shakespeare, isn't it?

Mmm, isn't it? Thank you very much, Richard.

Claire, welcome to the show. Great to have you here. What do you do?

I'm a teaching assistant in a secondary school.

And how long have you been at your current school?

-Been there nine years now.

-Wow, very good.

What are your hobbies when you're not teaching?

-I've got three children, so hobbies are sort of...

-Child-based.

Most of the time, yeah, but I do like to cook

-and get out and do some gardening when I can.

-Very good.

OK, Claire, what do you want to go for on this board?

Possibly not the best category for me.

I'm going to go with... John Steinbeck

-and the Winter Of Our Discontent.

-Discontent, says Claire.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

54. APPLAUSE

A very good grouping, I have to say.

Bit of a relief for Gary there. No longer the high-scorer.

The opening line of Richard III, spoken by Richard III.

-"Now is the winter of our discontent."

-There we go.

-Thank you, Richard. Emily, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Now, Round One, as the big man said. Round One last time.

We are going to see much more of you this time, aren't we, Emily?

Unfortunately, this isn't the best category for me.

-Remind us what you do, Emily.

-I'm a student at Cambridge.

-What are you studying?

-Philosophy.

-I see.

Did you do English for A level?

-No! I did sciences and maths.

-I see.

-So you've come to philosophy through science.

-Mmm-hmm.

-Not through the arts.

-No!

-OK.

-And Shakespeare hasn't really caught your interest?

-I'm afraid not, no.

-OK.

-I'll try my best.

Unfortunately, there was one that I knew on the board

but Gary got in there first,

so I'm going to guess The Darling Buds Of May?

Darling Buds Of May, says Emily, shakily.

Let's see if it's right, The Darling Buds Of May.

It is right.

-93, Emily.

-I thought I'd heard of it.

-93.

-I think you got off lightly there.

-Yeah.

-93.

-Yeah, "Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May."

-93 points is a big score, isn't it?

-That's impressive though. Good.

That probably owes as much to David Jason as it does to the sonnet.

Yeah, I think a lot of people are getting these

through the programmes and films, rather than the Shakespeare.

-Yeah, but still, good.

-Yeah.

-Darling Buds Of May.

-Now, Jess, a very warm welcome back.

-Thank you.

Great to have you with us again. Remind us about yourself, Jess.

-What do you do?

-I work in a clothing department in a supermarket.

I also have a four-year-old son and I recently got married as well.

Many congratulations on all of those. And for fun, what do you do?

-Amateur dramatics.

-Oh, yes.

And I'm also very...into Harry Potter,

-so a lot of watching films, reading books.

-See, that's fun.

Jess, this board is all yours.

If you fancy it, go through it and fill in all the blanks.

Um, I'm not sure I can but I'll give it a go.

Where Eagles...

I want to say "Lie" or "Fly", so I'm not going for that one.

I don't know The Sound And The...

Kiss Me, Kate

and Infinite Wisdom, possibly.

-So, I'm going to go for Kiss Me, Kate.

-Kiss Me, Kate.

-Yes.

-OK. Kiss Me, Kate. I think that's right.

Where Eagles Fly, I think is Joe Cocker and Jennifer Warnes

but we'll see. Kiss Me, Kate.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Kate.

Ooh, it's not bad. 62.

Not bad at all.

APPLAUSE

From The Taming Of The Shrew.

-A lot of big answers on this board. Where Eagles...?

-Dare.

Where Eagles Dare. That's from Richard III as well.

The other two are the low-scorers. The Sound And The...?

-Fury.

-Fury. William Faulkner.

And Hamlet describes Yorick as a man of "infinite jest".

-I was going to say "infinite variety".

-Infinite Jest.

1 point for that, so well done if you said that.

OK, we're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

It wasn't a low-scoring round, let's be plain about that.

But 53 was the best score. Well done, Gary and Eamann.

Looking pretty strong. Then 54, Claire and Matt.

Not bad at all. 62 for Jess and Linda on the far podium.

Now, 93, Emily and Alice. We need to have a chat about this.

It was Round One last time. Alice, everything is now on your shoulders.

-Oh, dear.

-We need a low score from you. You'll be answering second,

so there should be plenty on that board for you to choose from.

We can't send you home at the end of this first round.

I'm not going to stand for that.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put seven more titles up on the board and here they come.

I'll read those one last time.

-Linda, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-In fact, double welcome back.

Mmm. Linda, of the flapjacks

and the lemon and blueberry drizzle cake.

Mmm. Linda, I need hardly ask what you do.

I spend my time baking quite a bit.

What is the secret of that lovely light sponge, Linda?

I don't know. Ground almonds, I think.

-You put ground almonds in?

-Mmm.

-Along with the flour or...?

Yes, a special flour that's specially made for sponges.

-It's very light.

-Ooh. Why didn't I know about special flour?

-Giving away my secrets.

-I know. Special sponge flour.

Now, Linda, you're on 62. Not bad.

Jess has left you in a good state there.

If you can score 30 or less, you're definitely in the next round.

-You were head-to-head last time.

-We were.

We have to see you in the head-to-head at least this time.

This IS my subject and I know all the answers

-but it's a question of picking the right one, isn't it?

-Mmm.

I will go for...By The Pricking Of My Thumbs, please.

By The Pricking Of My Thumbs, says Linda.

There is your red line. Get below that with Thumbs

and you are into the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Thumbs?

It's right.

Very well done indeed. 23.

Hats off to you, Linda. APPLAUSE

-That takes your total up to 85. Superb.

-Well played, Linda.

Great answer. From Macbeth, that.

Do you know the line that follows that?

"By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes."

-Thank you, Richard. Alice.

-Hello.

-Alice, Alice, Alice.

You are still the high-scorers here.

Before we get into that, remind us what you do.

I study material science and engineering at Imperial.

-Material science is literally material?

-Yeah.

It's the science of making up materials.

What are your interests outside that?

Um, I have a pug, which I love.

How old is your pug?

-He's two, nearly, yeah.

-Well behaved?

-Yeah.

Some pugs... All pugs are lovely, that goes without saying.

Some pugs you can hear from a long way away, just from their breathing.

-You can hear Gus wherever he is.

-Gus, wherever he is.

-Yeah.

-Even when he's asleep.

-Yeah.

-Does that bother you at all?

-No, it's fantastic.

I hate it when I go to uni and the pug is not there making the noises.

So you can't take the pug to uni?

-No, he stays in Suffolk and I go to London.

-Wow.

It's really miserable.

-So how do you keep in touch with Gus?

-On FaceTime.

Phew! Phew, phew.

OK, now, Alice, you know what you have to do.

We have to have a low score from you here.

I don't really know any of them.

There's two I would guess at,

so I'm going to guess at one of those.

I think my dad might have this on his shelf.

Oh, wait, these are books not DVDs.

Oh, well, I'm going to go with The Dogs Of War.

-The Dogs Of War.

-Yeah.

-Maybe.

-OK, The Dogs Of War.

No red line for you as you are the high-scorers.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Dogs Of War.

-It's right.

-Yes!

54 for The Dogs Of War, pleasingly rhyming.

It's taken your total up to 147.

Mark Antony says, "Cry, 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war."

The original dogs of war, in the play, were four pugs.

-Four pugs and a little fox terrier.

-LAUGHTER

-That's great.

-That's right!

-They formed a gang.

But the fox terrier in charge.

-Very much the general.

-So, Matt, welcome.

-Thank you.

Very good to have you here. What do you do, Matt?

I'm a network manager at a secondary school,

so I run all the computer systems and everything that runs on them.

-Did you and Claire meet through schools?

-Yes.

I started a job at the school Claire was at and within three months,

she'd spotted me, she'd got me clocked, got my number.

-She's a predator.

-How many times did you have to say, "Look, Claire,

-"it's control, alt, delete"?

-Yeah!

-"Or just turn it off and on again.

"You can't keep calling me in like this."

There were a lot of times she had IT issues

-and I had to come by the office.

-I bet she did!

So, Matt, what do you when you're not...?

-You have three children.

-Yes. I like my photography

and I like to home brew wine.

Do you brew wine?

Yeah, a lot of sugar, bit of water, bit of yeast

and whatever fruit is to hand.

What have you got on the brew at the moment?

There's three demijohns of elderflower on the go.

-Nice.

-That's just been flowering. And a demijohn of rhubarb as well.

And, Claire, is it drinkable?

Oh, yeah. You have to be a bit careful, though,

-cos it is a bit too drinkable at times.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-I see. OK. Now, Matt, you're on 54.

High-scorers on 147 are Alice and Emily.

92 or less gets you through.

I'm both pleased and vexed that I did know both those two,

so I do know something.

I definitely know the top one and I think I know the second one,

-so it's how brave I'm feeling.

-Which one's it going to be, Matt?

I'm going to be brave and say

Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead.

Dead, says Matt. Dead. Here is your red line.

Get below that with Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead,

you're into Round Two.

Absolutely right. Very well done indeed.

There we are.

APPLAUSE Second lowest score of the round.

-78 is your total.

-Well played.

-If you haven't seen Hamlet, that IS a spoiler.

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

-Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Eamann.

-Yes.

-Welcome.

-Thank you.

-You are from Banbury.

Yeah, I didn't grow up there though.

-Initially from, I'm guessing, Northern Ireland.

-Yes.

-Whereabouts did you grow up?

-Belfast.

-Right.

When did you move to Banbury?

I moved over here about five years ago.

-And how are you enjoying Banbury?

-I quite like Banbury, I really do.

It's kind of the centre of the universe, isn't it?

It's beautiful, yeah. Very, very beautiful.

And what do you do, Eamann?

I'm the church coordinator for the same church that Gary works at.

I see. So, the coordination aspect of that involves what?

It's the behind-the-scenes stuff - running the events,

doing the notice sheet, making cups of tea,

but also I'm the accountant for the church

and there's a bit of a pastoral side to it as well.

-But dealing with the friends in your community.

-Yeah.

There we are. Eamann, you are the last person to go,

which means you can have as much fun as you like.

What are you going to go for on this board?

I'm frantically, like everybody else, probably, at home as well,

trying to frantically go through the book that we did at GCSE,

and it was Julius Caesar,

so it doesn't really help me out too much for this.

A Brave New World, I think, is the Aldous Huxley.

Under The Greenwood Tree comes to mind.

Cakes And Biscuits, could be, I don't know.

And the bottom one, I think, is Pale Rider.

I think I'm going to play it safe and go Brave New World.

Brave New World, says Eamann.

You want to be scoring 93 or less, which is a familiar target.

A few people have had that as their target. There's your red line.

Let's see how far down the column you get with Brave New World.

Very well done. You are through. APPLAUSE

Not by that much but 78 does it for you.

Takes your total up to 131.

-Yeah, our 100 did very well on these two boards.

-They did.

Well done them. Some big scorers there.

You were right about Under The Greenwood Tree.

Would have scored you 38.

-Cakes And...?

-Ale.

-Cakes And Ale. That's from Twelfth Night.

Would have scored you 12.

-And the best answer on the board...

-Pale Fire.

-Pale Fire,

describing the moon. Would have scored you 3 points.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair heading home

with their high score of 147 is Alice and Emily. I'm so sorry.

-It is you both times.

-It's been really fun.

-At least I got one right today!

-Lovely having you on the show.

Far too short each time, but thanks for playing. Alice and Emily.

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, everyone. You've made it through to Round Two.

Welcome to Round Two. One of our pairs has disappeared.

This is what happens, I'm afraid. It's a great shame.

At the end of this round,

another pair will be taken out and released into the community.

LAUGHTER

I have one commendation to hand out

and that is to Linda for...using coconut in a flapjack.

Who would have thought how delicious that would be?

And lowest scorer as well. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Action Stars.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second.

Whoever's going first, step up to the podium.

Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name...

Actors in The Expendables films. Richard.

I figured we'd done Shakespeare,

so this would be a logical step on from that.

We're looking for any actor who's received an acting credit

in The Expendables, Expendables 2 or Expendables 3, please,

according to IMDb. Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed. The Expendables.

-Gary, is it a series you've been watching?

-It's not.

It's a film series which I'm aware of

and I expect there are probably many lower answers

than one I'll be able to give.

Unfortunately, I can't think of one less obvious than this,

so I'm going to say... I'm going to say Ben Stiller.

Ben Stiller, says Gary. Ben Stiller.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

No, I'm afraid no Ben Stiller in The Expendables.

-That scores you 100 points.

-Yeah, sorry, Gary.

It might be a different film series you're thinking of.

-Or maybe it isn't.

-LAUGHTER

Maybe it's the same one but you just thought Ben Stiller was in it.

-But something's happened.

-LAUGHTER

Mmm, Claire.

We're looking for any cast member of The Expendables.

I've seen the first one.

And I've seen snippets of the next two.

OK, this sounds like an excuse, Claire.

Yeah, it almost is, yeah, yeah. I can't... I've got his name.

-How I would say it is Jason Statham.

-Jason Statham.

-I think that's pretty much exactly how you say it.

-Is that it?

-That's OK then!

-Jason Statham, says Claire.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jason Statham.

Oh.

That's an excellent answer. 21. Very well done.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Claire.

Jason Statham plays Lee Christmas in all three of the films.

Excellent. Lee Christmas. Now, Jess.

-Jess, have you seen The Expendables franchise?

-No.

I'm going to make a confession. Nor have I. Nor have I.

-I'm feeling my way blind, here.

-Yeah.

I thought Ben Stiller was excellent in it.

LAUGHTER

OK, it could be this film, it might not be.

George Clooney.

-George Clooney, says Jess.

-Yeah.

Let's find out. You got something a bit like a nod from Claire

but I might be wrong. She might just have been testing

a crick in her neck. George Clooney.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 people said it.

No. Not George Clooney, I'm afraid,

which means you also score 100 points.

But you're in very good company.

I love the fact that you don't know either way.

-This must be quite exciting for you.

-Very!

I'd love to see a film with George Clooney, Ben Stiller

-and Jason Statham in. That's a good cast.

-It is good.

We're doing that job for them here, essentially.

We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores.

Only two between the three pairs.

21, the low score. Claire, well done. Matt. Claire, looking strong.

Then Jess and Linda, Gary and Eamann,

all on 100 points there, so it's going to be Eamann versus Linda.

Best of luck to both of you.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Now then, Linda. We're looking for the name of any actor

who has appeared in The Expendables film series.

-Is this going to be a guess?

-Oh, yes.

It's a shame we haven't had two correct answers

cos then you could triangulate better, couldn't you?

-Jason Statham was my answer.

-Ah.

But I will go for Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, says Linda.

No red line for you, as you are joint high-scorers.

How many people said Arnold Schwarzenegger?

It's right.

Good answer. 36 for Arnie.

APPLAUSE 136 is your total.

Well played, Linda. He's in all three as well.

He's not credited in the first one, actually,

but he is in the other two. Plays Trench.

He was talking about the secret to his incredible muscle mass.

-Do you know what he said it was?

-What?

-Coconut in his flapjacks.

-LAUGHTER

Yes...

It would be. Is he using fresh

-or desiccated, I wonder?

-He uses desiccated

but his little secret is he mixes it with ground almonds.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Matt.

Um, yeah, I've seen the first two and beyond that,

I have a deep and abiding love for '80s action movies

and that is all of them getting back together to have fun,

I think, on someone else's ticket.

I'm going to go with the Muscles from Brussels,

-Jean-Claude Van Damme.

-Jean-Claude Van Damme, says Matt.

No red line, as you're already through.

Let's see how many people went for Jean-Claude Van Damme.

It's right.

Claire scored 21. Will you get down there?

Oh, you pass Claire.

Look at that. 7 for Jean-Claude Van Damme.

APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed. 28.

Well played, Matt. Yeah, Jean-Claude Van Damme.

He plays the baddie in number two.

-He's called Jean Vilain, rather cryptically.

-Mmm.

-Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Eamann.

-Yes.

We have a contest on our hands here, do we not?

You have to score 35 or less to stay with us.

-Have you seen any of these films?

-I have them in my DVD collection

-at home but I haven't seen them.

-LAUGHTER

I do have some inklings of people that were in it.

I think... One answer I'm going to go for is Jackie Chan.

Jackie Chan, says Eamann. There's your red line.

Get below that with Jackie Chan, you are into the head-to-head.

Let's see if Jackie Chan is right

and how many of our 100 people said it.

-Ooh, Eamann...

-He's in the fourth one!

-I'm afraid...

I'm afraid Jackie Chan is an incorrect answer,

which means you score 100 points, which means you and Gary leave us

at the end of this round, with a high score of 200.

Yeah, I'm sorry, not Jackie Chan in The Expendables, I'm afraid.

I'll take you through everyone who scored a point

because there's some interesting names on the list.

Everyone I don't mention was a pointless answer,

so well done if you got one.

You'd have got 1 point for Antonio Banderas,

1 point for Lauren Jones, for Ronda Rousey or for Liam Hemsworth.

2 points for Kelsey Grammer.

Charisma Carpenter would have been 2 points.

You'd have got 2 points for Terry Crews,

Wesley Snipes and Steve Austin.

3 points for Eric Roberts, Harrison Ford, Mickey Rourke.

3 points, as well, for Chuck Norris.

There's some great names in these films.

You'd have got 5 for Mel Gibson, 17 for Dolph Lundgren

and let's look at the top three answers.

Interesting. So, Julie Andrews and Keith Chegwin both pointless?

-Both pointless answers.

-There we go. LAUGHTER

-Well done - you got a double pointless!

-Very happy with that.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, at the end of our second round, the pair heading home,

with their high score of 200,

I'm afraid it's Eamann and Gary. That's tough. That really is,

if it's films you haven't seen. I wouldn't have done any better.

We'll see you again next time and I'm sure we'll see more of you then.

Thanks very much indeed, Gary and Eamann.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, it's time for our head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Matt and Claire, Linda and Jess.

You're now one step closer to the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at £4,000.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

From this point on, you play as teams and in this round,

the first player to get two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Linda and Jess, you've been here before.

This time, can you go one better and get through to our final, I wonder?

We've got Matt and Claire there.

Matt came in with Jean-Claude Van Damme in that last round.

-Very, very low score. How are you feeling, Matt and Claire?

-All right.

-All right.

-Good.

-Good. Well, best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

Bands with brothers and sisters. Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures

of groups that comprise siblings.

You just need to tell us the name of the groups. Good luck.

OK. Let's reveal our five groups and here they come.

There we go. Five groups made up of brothers and sisters.

Matt and Claire, you're our low-scorers, so you will go first.

(And C, but everybody knows it. It'll be high-scoring.)

We know C, but I think everybody knows C.

The only other one we know, for definite, is A. The Corrs.

The Corrs, say Matt and Claire. The Corrs, A.

Linda and Jess, the board's all yours. Talk us through it.

-Um, well, you know C and D, don't you?

-Go on.

C's The Osmonds. D, The Everly Brothers.

We don't know E, but I do know that B is Cleopatra.

-Comin' at ya!

-LAUGHTER

That was nice of you to supply that. B, Cleopatra.

B, Cleopatra. So, we have The Corrs from Matt and Claire, A.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said The Corrs.

It's right.

26 for The Corrs.

APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Linda and Jess have gone for B

and said that that is Cleopatra.

Let's see if it's right and how many of our 100 said Cleopatra.

It's right.

Has to beat 26.

It beats 26.

Oh, look at that! 1 for Cleopatra! Very well done indeed.

It mans, Linda and Jess, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Well played, Jess, and we are always legally obliged,

after saying, "Cleopatra", to say, "Comin' at ya."

It's almost impossible not to. The Higgins sisters in that band.

C is The Osmonds. It's the reason my name is spelt wrong

for so many years.

It's O-S-M-A-N,

just for the reference of every single utility company out there.

O-S-M-A-N.

68. A bigger scorer,

D, The Everly Brothers. 72 for that.

And a very low score for E.

Had a couple of these lovely people on the show before.

-We have. Five Star.

-Five Star, yeah, and they scored 4.

-Oh!

-That's annoying.

-Would it have killed them to score 5?

-One more person.

Thanks very much indeed. Here comes your second question.

Linda and Jess go first, so you have the advantage with you

but Matt and Claire, you have to win it to stay in the game.

Best of luck. It concerns...

-Scientific fields.

-We're going to show you five definitions

of specific fields within science.

We're then going to give you alternate letters of the answers.

Can you give us the most obscure one, please?

Thanks very much. Let's reveal our five scientific fields.

I'll read those one last time.

Linda and Jess will go first.

INAUDIBLE DISCUSSION

Number two, we think is thermodynamics.

Thermodynamics, say Linda and Jess. Thermodynamics.

Matt and Claire. Were you about to say that one?

Yeah, we thought that might be the best one there.

Good, that's reassuring, Linda and Jess.

Matt and Claire, what would you like to go for?

-Talk us through that board.

-From top to bottom -

and I'm not saying any of these are my answer yet,

cos we're not sure now - the top one is seismology,

the third one is optics, the fourth one is geology

and the scientific study of plant life is botany.

-As to which is going to be the lowest, do you want botany?

-Yeah.

-We'll go far botany.

-You're going for botany.

So, we have thermodynamics and we have botany.

Linda and Jess went for thermodynamics.

Let's see how many people agree with them.

It's right.

-Ooh.

-58.

-Ooh.

Ooh, that could be lower, couldn't it, for comfort?

58 for thermodynamics.

Matt and Claire have gone for botany at the bottom.

The study of plant life.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said botany.

It's right. Ooh, well, there we are.

That's a bit better, isn't it, Linda and Jess?

Two good answers but, Linda and Jess, yours is the best,

which means that, after only two questions,

you are straight through to the final, 2-0.

Botany actually the biggest scorer on the board.

There is one answer that would have won you the point

-and that is seismology.

-Oh!

-Just would have won it.

56 points for that.

Optics goes up another couple. 60 points.

And we work our way down the board, going up and up.

Geology would have scored you 80.

There we are. Thanks very much, Richard.

The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head,

our golden couple, Matt and Claire.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers.

Very good indeed but, Linda and Jess,

to be there with both Cleopatra - Comin' at ya! -

and thermodynamics, you cover all bases there, so hats off to you.

But Matt and Claire, we'll see you again next time

which is great news for us and we look forward to that.

-In the meantime, thanks for playing. Matt and Claire.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

For Linda and Jess, now time for our Pointless final.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Linda and Jess. You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show,

the jackpot stands at a very respectable £4,000. There we are.

APPLAUSE

-Hooray, you've done it! You were head-to-head last time.

-Yes.

You were beaten. Head-to-head this time, not the golden couple,

so it was against the grain of play. And here you are.

Very strong performance.

Very strong right the way across the show.

What would you like to see come up in this last round?

-You know what they're like, always faintly impossible.

-I don't know.

-Films, Oscars.

-Maybe.

-Maybe. Or Shakespeare.

-Unlikely.

-That would be nice.

-Bit of geography.

-We like geography, don't we?

-Preston?

-Yeah!

-Preston.

-That would be nice.

-We haven't had that for ages!

Best of luck. We'll have four up there.

Let's see what today's selection looks like.

-Wow.

-It's not Venus and it's not Opera.

-I think...Lake District for you.

-Well, I can... You've been.

-I've been, yeah, I've been.

-It's going to be The Lake District.

-Yes.

The Lake District. Best of luck.

Let's hope there's something in there you like.

Very best of luck. We are looking for...

The names of any of the 16 largest lakes in the Lake District,

the name of any of the ten highest mountains in the Lake District

or the name of any conservation area in the Lake District.

So, the 16 largest lakes, the 10 highest mountains,

any conservation area,

all according to the Lake District National Park website. Best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

You've got up to a minute to come up with three answers.

All you need, to win that jackpot - let's not forget, £4,000 -

is for just one of your answers to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock. Your time starts now.

The only ones I know... Lakes - Windermere, Coniston, Ullswater?

-Ullswater. Derwentwater.

-Good one.

-Borrowdale. Is Borrowdale...?

-Are they large enough to be the largest 16?

-I don't know.

And highest mountains, I know Catbells, I know High Seat.

Um...

Um...conservation areas - Brockhole Park.

Um... Lakes...

We're better going for one of each?

-My college was named after stuff. Eskdale?

-Eskdale, yeah.

-I don't know that's a very big one, though.

-Is it not?

-Derwentwater.

-What did you say?

-I don't know.

-Ullswater.

-Ullswater. I think Ullswater is quite a big one.

-Ten seconds left.

-Ullswater...

-Ullswater, Derwentwater...

-And a mountain.

-Which?

-Catbells.

-Right, Catbells.

OK, look at that. Just in time. You get your three answers.

What would you like to give me?

-Um, for largest lakes, we'll go for Ullswater...

-Ullswater.

-..and Derwentwater.

-Derwentwater.

-For highest mountains, we will go for...

-TOGETHER:

-Catbells.

And Catbells. OK.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-We don't know that any of them are right, so...

-Catbells.

-Catbells we'll put last.

-Yes.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-Derwentwater.

-Derwentwater, we put first. Ullswater in the middle.

Let's put those answers up on the board in that order. Here they are.

We have got...

Three excellent answers up there.

Let's hope one of those is pointless and will win that jackpot for you.

A nice proper jackpot for you today. £4,000.

What would you do with that, Linda?

Well, I have neglected my little front and back gardens.

They're only tiny but I've neglected them for several years.

My eldest daughter is a landscape gardener,

so she would step in and do some work for me.

Wonderful, wonderful. Jess, how about you?

We're about to do up our bathroom.

Our toilet's falling out, so we need a new toilet.

-That sounds urgent, yeah.

-Yeah. So, I'd buy a toilet.

-Lovely.

And possibly put some towards visiting Australia

-because my sister's emigrated.

-Very good. Very best of luck.

Let's hope one of these brilliant answers scores that jackpot for you.

Derwentwater. In this case,

we were looking for the larger lakes in the Lake District.

You've gone for Derwentwater. It has to be pointless to win that jackpot.

Let's find out how many of our 100 people said Derwentwater,

for £4,000.

It's right.

Now it just has to go down to zero and if it does that,

you will leave here with £4,000.

Derwentwater taking us down into the 20s, into the teens.

Into single figures. Down it goes.

-6.

-Oh!

-Oh!

APPLAUSE

6 for Derwentwater, so not a pointless answer.

That's a great score though. Nothing wrong with 6.

Let's look at your next answer, Ullswater.

Again, we were looking for the larger lakes in the Lake District.

It has to be pointless, again, for you to win that jackpot,

so for £4,000, let's see how many people said Ullswater.

It's right.

Derwentwater took us all the way down to 6.

Ullswater now taking us down into the 30s,

through the 20s...

-Ooh!

-Ooh.

-Ooh.

APPLAUSE

Wow, Ullswater.

Whoever's doing PR for Ullswater is doing a very good job there.

Yeah, very surprising, considering how low Derwentwater scored.

Sadly, though, not pointless, which means everything is now riding

on your third and final answer, which is Catbells.

In this case, we were looking for the mountains of the Lake District.

Catbells. This has to be pointless for you to win.

For £4,000, let's see how many of our 100 people said Catbells.

Oh, no! Oh, no! I thought that was a wonderful answer.

APPLAUSE

It sort of bubbled out during the minute,

in the way that pointless answers often do and I thought,

"Ah, there's a winning answer."

I'm so sorry, not a pointless answer, not a correct answer.

We'll discover why not in a moment

but it's been fabulous having you on the show.

Fantastically well played, right the way through both shows, actually.

But you didn't win today's jackpot of £4,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

-But you get to take home a Pointless trophy each.

-Yay!

And you go with all our best wishes and thanks for the cakes as well.

APPLAUSE

I feel bad, sending you away with no money,

given all your lovely answers and your lovely cakes.

I'm sorry about that. Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

Catbells not high enough to be listed.

-About half the height of the mountains on this list.

-Right.

Let's look at the lakes first.

You could have had Brothers Water and Esthwaite Water as well.

All of those were pointless. Well done if you said any of those.

Let's look at the highest mountains.

Also could have had Catstycam. I've probably pronounced that wrong.

I apologise. And Great End. All of those were pointless.

Conservation areas. There's quite a few of these.

You could have had Bampton, Bampton Grange,

Caldbeck, Hesket Newmarket, Troutbeck.

So lots of pointless answers there.

Well done if you got one of those and unlucky in the studio.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye to you, Linda and Jess.

-We've loved having you on the show.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much.

Wonderful contestants. Linda and Jess.

APPLAUSE

Sadly, Linda and Jess didn't win our jackpot today

which means it rolls over onto the next show,

when we will be playing for £5,000.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE