1,000th Episode Pointless

APPLAUSE

Hello. I am Richard Osman, and welcome to this very special

1,000th edition of Pointless, the show where the lowest scorers

are the biggest winners. Let's meet today's contestants.

Couple number one.

Hi, my name's Patrick, this is my Pointless friend, Sarah,

and when we last came on the show,

we got three pointless answers in the final round.

And couple number two.

Hi, I'm David, this is my son Jonathan, and we won

the biggest jackpot ever - £24,750 - on Pointless.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

Couple number three.

Hello, I'm Trev out of Trev and Simon.

And I'm Simon out of Trev and Simon.

And together, we were lucky enough to win £2,500 for our

chosen charities on Pointless Celebrities.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

And couple number four.

Hello, I'm David, this is my good old friend Christo,

and we were the winners of the first-ever Pointless jackpot

in 2009.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

So those are our very special contestants - only one person left

to introduce. For 1,000 shows now,

very much the Chas to my Dave...

LAUGHTER

..and, in a very real sense, the Michael Jackson to my Bubbles,

it is my Pointless friend - it's Xander.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hiya.

-Well! Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you. How are you?

-I'm very well.

-Excellent.

-How's this?

-1,000 shows, right?

-I know.

I think we should have done something different, do you not?

-Shake it up a bit?

-Shake it up a bit, or something.

I think it's a shame just to do a regular... But the BBC, in their

-wisdom, they know what they're doing.

-It's the show people like,

isn't it? What are we going to do with it?

-What are we going to do?

-Exactly. What sort of a show have we got

-today?

-We've got a very exciting show.

I mean, this is just fabulous, isn't it?

Some favourite contestants from yesteryear.

Oh. It's absolutely fabulous.

But it's going to be a wonderful show. First round, very much

-old-school Pointless.

-Lovely.

-Plenty to look forward to.

Isn't it funny - when we started this,

I think my daughter was just about to start big school,

and now she's about to start university.

How many kids did you have when we started this?

-Just seven.

-LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

-But you've had a lot since we started.

-Oh, amazing.

-I know. Oh, absolutely extraordinary.

-Shall we?

Shall we? I think we shall.

OK, everybody, let's play Pointless.

Now, because this is a special 1,000th edition,

we have a special charity jackpot this evening,

which stands at...

Also, every single pointless answer on today's show is worth £1,000.

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

APPLAUSE

Absolutely no pressure, everybody(!)

The category for Round One is...

That sounds exciting, doesn't it? UN Member States.

LAUGHTER

Would you discuss among yourselves who wants to go first, who wants to go second?

And would the player who wants to go first please step up to the podium?

OK, let's take a look. You all right there, Trevor and Simon?

Yeah, we're just having a little dance.

You know, there's six members of the public who did that perfectly,

and the two people who work in show business are just...

-That's what we're here for.

-Excellent.

OK, we gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

-Xander?

-Oh, yes! Yes.

LAUGHTER

Basically, we're looking for any country

whose usual short-form name, in English,

begins with any of the letters...

-Can I check one thing?

-Yes.

-I know what

-I

-mean by country - can I ask what YOU mean by country?

I'm going to hold you right there, Rich.

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

# And by country

# I mean a sovereign state

# Which is a member of the UN in its own right. #

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Yeah.

So I've had to do 999 shows

without that jingle.

So, Patrick and Sarah. Patrick, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-So, three pointless answers.

-Yes.

-How did that feel?

It felt a little bit surreal.

I was so mortified that it was

on such an embarrassing topic.

You don't sound like you were mortified.

But no, well, the money made it a bit better.

-How much did you win?

-Two grand between us.

-That's all right, isn't it?

-It's OK.

Now, this is going to be a very difficult show to win, I suspect.

-Yes.

-Everyone here is a jackpot winner.

But countries beginning with one of those letters -

what are you thinking?

I'm thinking Timor-Leste.

-Timor-Leste?

-Yeah.

-Oh, it's going to be a good...

What are you doing?

-Sorry, what were you saying?

-LAUGHTER

With me, I focus.

OK, I'm on it.

Timor-Leste, you're saying. Timor-Leste.

OK, let's see if it is up there and,

if it is up there, let's see how many it scored. Timor-Leste.

It is up there.

I have a hunch this may go a long way, Patrick.

CHEERING

Wow! What about that? How about that?

Oh, beautiful. Beautiful.

It is a pointless answer.

That, of course, adds £1,000

to our jackpot, which now stands at £3,500.

-Timor-Leste, Xander?

-Timor-Leste, absolutely.

Yes, the first new nation of the 21st century. Southeast Asia.

Well done, Patrick, that puts your score at zero.

-Very nice. John, welcome to the 1,000th Pointless.

-Thank you.

Remind us again how much you won.

So we won £24,750.

APPLAUSE

Patrick, that is fully £22,750 more than you won.

Will you remind us what you won that on?

Yeah, I had to name... Well, WE had to name a hit

from the top 40 in the UK by either

Julio or Enrique Iglesias.

-Oh, Spanish Pop.

-Spanish Pop was waiting for such a long time on

-our finals board, and you fell into our trap.

-Oh, completely.

And by falling into our trap,

you managed to win nearly 25 grand. Not a bad trap, is it?

-Now, John...

-Yep.

-..we're looking for any country that begins

with one of these letters, please.

I'm going to go with Oman.

Oman? Let's see if it's up there,

and let's see how many it scored if it is.

It is up there, of course.

We've already seen a pointless answer from Patrick,

where is this going?

APPLAUSE

Xander, Oman?

Oman. Wonderful, wonderful answer there, John.

Yes, centre of the world frankincense trade,

as I'm sure you know.

-Is it?

-Dhofar is where all the best frankincense is coming from.

-Still is.

-Thank you, Xander.

Now, Simon, welcome back. Thank you so much for joining us.

Thank you. It's a pleasure. Thanks for inviting us back.

This is scarier than doing Pointless Celebrities, right?

Absolutely, yeah. It's terrifying.

We were against Ulrika Jonsson last time.

LAUGHTER

Now, we've seen some good answers already,

have you got anything up your sleeve?

I hope so - if my spelling doesn't let me down.

I'm going to go for Djibouti.

Djibouti. Simon says Djibouti.

Let's see what that scored.

It's absolutely right.

We've seen a 14 score, we've seen a pointless answer.

Where is this going?

APPLAUSE

Very well played, Simon.

Xander, Djibouti?

Yeah, it was a French territory till 1977.

I'm just checking there's no F in that - no.

-Fine, we're fine.

-LAUGHTER

As you were.

I think we're both appreciating that the other person's job

is harder than it looks.

Yeah.

Podium four. Welcome back.

This is great. This is Pointless history.

-Christo, welcome.

-Thank you.

-A long time - remind us the year again?

-2009.

2009, do you remember that far back?

-I do, just about.

-That's incredible, isn't it?

-Yeah.

And you're joining us from foreign climes?

Yes, I returned two days ago from Cyprus.

-To be here.

-Yeah, that's fine. Yep.

-Yeah, good, good.

LAUGHTER Just checking.

There are many places you could have returned from that would have been

a problem for us there, but...

Thank you so much for coming back and joining us.

A genuine pleasure to have our first-ever winners here.

It's absolutely lovely.

Christo, what have you got for us here?

I did have Djibouti, also. Thank you, Simon(!)

I shall opt for S for Suriname.

Suriname, says Christo.

Suriname - let's see what that scores.

We've already seen a pointless answer.

We've seen a 2 and a 14.

-Never mind.

-APPLAUSE

We already have quite a battle on our hands.

Xander, Suriname?

Yes, Suriname. That's the one.

LAUGHTER

Suriname. It's another of those countries, isn't it?

LAUGHTER

-That is enlightening stuff(!)

-There we are.

-Thank you, Xander.

At the end of the first pass, let's take a little look at those scores.

Patrick, terrific stuff there on podium one.

We've got a couple of 2s, and 14 is the highest score.

-Doesn't happen often, does it?

-No, it doesn't.

-This is a classy field of people we've got ourselves here.

-It is.

OK, would the second players

please take your places at the podium?

David, welcome back to you,

all the way from 2009.

Do you remember what you spent the money on?

Erm, I think I was rather...

staggeringly uninteresting - I think I paid some bills.

LAUGHTER

And I had the car serviced.

You had the car...?

..He had the car serviced, everybody.

That's the kind of high-octane stuff

we're doing on our 1,000th show.

David, a very impressive first round from everybody.

What have you got for us? We're looking

-for a country beginning with one of those letters.

-Aruba.

Aruba? OK, there's your red line,

if you can score 11 or fewer,

you'll be safely through to the next round.

Let's see if it is up there,

and let's and how many people said Aruba.

GROANING

-David! David, incorrect.

-Oh, what a shame.

-Xander?

-Oh, I'm sorry, David.

Yeah, it is an island in the Caribbean,

but I'm afraid it is not... It is not...

Because when we say country, erm...

JAUNTY MUSIC PLAYS

# By country I mean a sovereign state

# Which is a member of the UN in its own right. #

And, Aruba, I'm afraid, is not any of those things. I'm sorry.

-Oh, well.

-I'm so sorry.

-Never mind.

Now, Trevor, welcome back. Lovely to have you back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us of the charities

that you gave your Pointless Celebrities money to.

Yes, it was Surf Life Saving GB, and...

The Lymphedema Trust.

Excellent. And everyone, tonight as well, don't forget,

also playing for charity.

Already £3,500 in that pot. Be lovely to win twice, wouldn't it?

Just got slightly easier after David's answer as well.

Trevor, what have you got for us?

I was going to go for S and Swaziland.

Swaziland?

OK, let's take a look - how many people said Swaziland?

There's your red line.

Jeopardy.

Swaziland is a country, you're safely through.

How far down is it going to go?

APPLAUSE

So many 2s. So many 2s.

Xander, Swaziland?

Swaziland, yes. Actually, Swaziland is one of the world's last

-absolute monarchies.

-Did you get that fact from your computer there?

-I did.

-How are you getting on with the old computer?

Every time I press a button on it, a picture comes up.

-I just can't...

-LAUGHTER

-Now... Now, David, welcome back.

-Thank you.

Do you remember what you spent the money on?

-I...

-Don't say car servicing, cos that would be an amazingly good car.

No, I can probably say I didn't do that.

I have a very elderly mother in a California nursing home,

which is quite expensive, as you can imagine. So I sent quite a lot of the money to

my sister, who's looking after her there, to help out with the cost of that.

Also, in between recording the programme and it being broadcast,

-my first granddaughter was born.

-Aw.

-So...

-A Pointlesser?

-LAUGHTER

Tell me you didn't call her that.

-Could have done, yeah. It wasn't in my gift, I'm afraid.

-I see.

So we set up a small trust fund for her,

and I also treated myself to a new kitchen.

Now, if you can score 87 points or less,

you are safely through to our second round.

-What do you have for us?

-I'm going to play safe, I think, basically -

I'm going to go for Uzbekistan.

Uzbekistan?

Let's see - can you score 87 points or less

with Uzbekistan? Let's take a look.

You can indeed. You're safely through to the next round.

Very well played. Let's see how far down it's going to go.

APPLAUSE

-6 points. I know a fact about Uzbekistan.

-Tell me.

It's one of only two double-landlocked countries in the world.

-There we are.

-It's landlocked by countries all of which are landlocked.

Does the other one begin with one of those...?

-It doesn't.

-Oh.

-You must know the other one?

Look it up. LAUGHTER

HE CLACKS KEYS

Lesotho? No, sorry, no...

-Nearly. Liechtenstein was the other one.

-Oh, is it really?

-Yeah, you can have that.

-Thank you.

Now, podium one, Sarah, welcome back.

Lovely to have you here. Three pointless answers -

was it mainly Patrick's work, or was it yours?

Yeah, we went with all of your answers.

We knew a few other ones. It was a very sad around, really.

And the Strictly Come Dancing was on there, and the Apprentice, so...

Sometimes they land nicely, don't they? But I have to say, Patrick,

pointless answer with his first question,

there's no fluke to what you do, I suspect. Can you match him?

-No.

-You are definitely through to the next round, whatever you say,

so you might as well go out on a limb. What are you going to give us?

I was going to go for Tuvalu,

then it changed to South Sudan. And then...

They're so popular,

well, popular, as in 3s and 2s now,

that I was going to just say Antigua and Barbuda.

Antigua and Barbuda says Sarah, Antigua and Barbuda.

No red line, how many people said Antigua and Barbuda?

We've seen a load of 2s, we've seen a pointless.

Can you match Patrick?

You can!

Wow!

Can I point out, Sarah and Patrick,

that means you've given five answers in a row that are pointless?

That might be a new record.

You just added another £1,000 to our jackpot

which currently stands at £4,500.

And it keeps your total at a wonderful zero.

Very, very impressive. Xander, Antigua and Barbuda.

Antigua and Boo...Boo...Bada...

Oh, yeah?

XANDER LAUGHS

Antigua, one of the first Caribbean islands to promote tourism

and as a consequence, is one of the richest.

Now, Sarah was also thinking of going for Tuvalu or South Sudan,

how would she do with those?

OK, wait! Sarah... That's what you do, isn't it? It's clever.

-It is clever.

-Had you gone for Tuvalu,

actually, I mean, again, another old Pointless favourite.

Normally scores nothing. 2. They've all been promoted up to 2,

the old Pointless answers.

-South Sudan, which is a newer favourite.

-South Sudan was on 7.

7 points. What else could they have said?

Any more pointless answers?

Pointless answers. Let's have a look at the pointless answers.

LAUGHTER

Here we are, Antigua and Barbuda, there we are, we've had that.

Azerbaijan, you could have had Dominica...

Here's another board of those. St Vincent and the Grenadines,

Sao Tome and Principe and Seychelles.

Also three more - Solomon Islands, Tajikistan and there's Timor-Leste.

-Very good, and the top answers?

-The top answers. Thank you, Richard.

LAUGHTER

Let's take a look at some of the top answers we've got.

The United States of America there at 47,

Norway on 49, and a staggering 82 for Denmark.

Denmark! They'll be delighted with that, won't they?

Pleased with that in Copenhagen.

At the end of that round, I'm afraid it's Christo and David,

I'm so sorry, our first-ever jackpot winners, forever

etched into Pointless history.

Thank you so much for joining us then, thank you so much for joining us now.

Everybody, Christo and David.

APPLAUSE

But, for our remaining contestants, time to play Round Two.

And then there were three.

Well, there were six, but you know what I mean.

Patrick and Sarah, literally you can't play Pointless

better than that. That's amazing stuff.

As I say, five pointless answers in a row.

No pressure for this round at all.

OK, let's take a look at our category for Round Two.

It is going to be...

Numerical answers.

Take a chat among yourselves about who's going to go first,

who's going to go second.

And whoever's going to go first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's take a look at your question.

Answers in the thousands, Xander.

Yes, basically we're going to show you 12 clues, 6 on each board,

and the answers of those feature 1,000 of something or other.

So you have to use your skill and judgment

to find the most obscure of those answers. Thank you very much.

Yes, there are 6 on each board, 12 for you to have a go at at home.

LAUGHTER

OK, Let's take a look at your first board.

Here are your questions.

I will read those one more time.

So, Patrick...?

Erm, I think I'm...

I've got to go for Luther Vandross,

because it's just one of the best songs of all time.

"A thousand kisses" from you?

"A thousand kisses", says Patrick.

Let's see if you're right,

let's see how many people said "a thousand kisses".

It is right.

Let's see what it scores.

19 points, Patrick.

19 points.

Xander, a thousand kisses from you are never enough.

Er, yeah, never enough.

Erm, Never Too Much was actually Luther Vandross's first-ever UK hit.

So there we are. A thousand kisses.

John. John, how do you fancy that board?

Yeah, this is not a great board for me at all.

I've got a couple up there that I can do,

but I'm going to go safe and hope somebody gets something wrong.

I'm going to say the name of the ketchup and mayonnaise-based salad

dressing is A Thousand Island dressing.

"Thousand Island dressing," says John.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right.

61!

61 points.

Xander, Thousand Island dressing?

Thousand Island dressing. Firstly, yum.

Secondly, supposedly it takes its name from the Thousand Island area

between the USA and Canada, situated around the Great Lakes,

which doesn't seem... I always imagined Thousand Islands was rather

more exotic than that. A bit more sort of...well, hot.

A bit more sort of Aruba, Antigua and Barbuda?

That's what I was thinking of, yeah. Yeah.

Er, Trevor.

Trevor. Do you want to talk us through the rest of this board?

-It's all yours?

-OK.

The top one, I really probably should know it, but I'm afraid

I don't, sorry, David Mitchell! This Night Of A Thousand Stars,

A Thousand And One Nights, maybe?

1981 single by punk band Tenpole Tudor is Swords Of A Thousand Men.

OK, Trevor is saying Swords Of A Thousand Men - is that correct,

and if it is, how many people said Swords Of A Thousand Men?

It is right.

How far down is this going to go? We've seen a 19, we've seen a 61...

9 points!

9 points!

Xander, Swords Of A Thousand Men?

I'll tell you something nice about Swords Of A Thousand Men,

because it's something that bonds you and me.

Because it's the first single you bought and it's the first

-single I ever bought.

-I didn't know. I was going to tell you it was the

first one I bought. I didn't know it was the first one YOU bought.

-Isn't that strange?

-Isn't it funny?

Shall we fill in the rest of the board?

-I was waiting for you to ask, yeah.

-Well, actually, I would say

that Trevor did a pretty good job there, taking us through it.

This Night Of A Thousand Stars was exactly right from Evita.

That would have scored you 26.

The Thousand And One Nights would have scored you 20.

And do you know the David Mitchell?

I do know, I think it's The Thousand Autumns of Jacob De Zoet.

And that is a pointless answer. So, very well done if you got that.

Well, thank you very much. We're halfway through the round,

and let's take a look at those scores.

9 points on the last podium there, Trevor and Simon,

very, very impressive.

John and David in some trouble now,

our record jackpot winners.

And Patrick and Sarah continuing your stately progress

through the programme. Congratulations.

OK, would the second player now take their place at the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more questions up on the board.

Let's take a look at them now.

I will read those one more time, because that is what Xander does.

LAUGHTER

Now, Simon...

Well, Trev did very well, so I'm going to play it safe here.

I'm going to go for the top one,

and say, a thousand ships.

"A thousand ships", says Simon.

Let's take a look at your red line.

You're saying "a thousand ships" - is that right, and if it is,

how many people said it?

51 or less will see you safely through.

It's going down... Ooh!

53!

-Ooh!

-53 points!

A correct answer, though.

Xander, a thousand ships?

There we are. Yes, from The Tragical History Of D Faustus,

to give it its full name.

Published in 1604, but actually first performed

some decade before that.

Thank you, Xander.

David, maybe a lifeline - a pointless answer

would see you through to the next round.

Do you think you can find a pointless answer on this board?

Er, I think I cannot.

I'm going to say the Chrysler Building in New York was the first

building to exceed this height.

And I'm going to say, a thousand feet.

A thousand feet.

"A thousand feet," says David.

There is your red line, right at the bottom.

A thousand feet - is that right, and if it is, how many people said it?

It is right! It is right! Very well done.

How far down is this going to go?

You need a pointless answer.

26. 26 points. Very well played.

Nice to see someone taking a punt.

Yeah, absolutely, very good indeed.

Yeah, so, 1,046ft -

the Chrysler Building was briefly the tallest building in the world

when it erected that huge spire on top of the tower.

Now, Sarah, 67 or less would see you into that head-to-head.

-Do you want to take us through the board?

-No, I can't. So...

-OK.

I have absolutely no idea on any of them.

I'm just going to have to plump for a thousand miles

for the Take That song.

A thousand miles for the Take That song

and the lyrics of Everything Changes,

you're saying "a thousand miles". Here is your red line.

Get under that, you are through to the head-to-head.

How many people said "a thousand miles"?

It IS a thousand miles, Sarah, and it IS under the red line!

Whoo!

Well, that's two people in a row taken a punt.

A thousand miles.

It means, unfortunately we lose John and David.

Oh...let's go through the board!

Oh, no, that's him! He's supposed to say that!

Let's go through the board! Oh, good, I thought that was my mistake!

Yes. I think you'll know some of these, won't you?

We've both got this wrong!

I think you'll probably know some of these.

The city in Ventura County, California -

-what do you think it's called?

-I would think Thousand...

-Yeah?

-..Oaks?

Get out of here, you're in! That's it, brilliant!

You have got that one! That would have scored 11.

The next one...do you know this one?

It's something about a thousand suns.

It's A Thousand Splendid Suns, yes.

A Thousand Splendid Suns.

Yeah. And that would have scored you 2.

The 1997 film based on King Lear.

Now, I would be very impressed if you get this one.

That is, I believe, A Thousand Acres.

It is! What about that, A Thousand Acres?!

And that was a pointless answer, so if you got that,

very, very well done indeed at home!

Thank you. And also, add to that, you should never watch it -

-it's terrible.

-I'm sort of gleaning that.

Now, at the end of... John and David, John and David,

we have to say goodbye to you.

I don't feel too bad, because

we've already given you 25 grand. So, you know, I think of anyone

we've ever had to send home,

I think you've probably got the broadest grins.

But thank you for joining us - everybody, John and David!

APPLAUSE

-Good luck!

-But for our final two pairs,

it's time to play the head-to-head!

So, Patrick and Sarah, Trevor and Simon,

on this very special 1000th edition of Pointless,

you find yourselves in the head-to-head.

Patrick and Sarah, you are our golden couple,

you've scored the fewest points so far.

Trevor and Simon, did you expect to be here?

THEY LAUGH

-No!

-I'm still thrilled to be here.

You've beaten two of our finest jackpot winners of all time.

Don't forget, you can now confer,

and whichever pair scores two points will be going through to play for

our jackpot, which currently stands at...

£4,500!

So, let's play our head-to-head!

OK, good luck, everybody, here is your first question.

And it concerns...

Party music, Xander.

Yes, we're simply going to play you five clips from party songs

and we would like you to tell us which artist

had a UK top 40 hit with those songs.

Let's see what sort of parties Xander goes to.

Let's have a little listen to A.

# Enough to drive a man to drink

# I don't do no washing up

# I always leave the stuff piled up

# Piled up in the sink

# But you will always find him in the kitchen at parties... #

B.

# Just love me till you don't know how

# Ooh

# Keep on with the force, don't stop Don't stop till you get enough

# Keep on with the force, don't stop Don't stop till you get enough... #

C.

# I'm coming up so you better get this party started

# I'm coming up so you better get this party started... #

D.

# Yahoo!

# This is your celebration

# Celebrate good times, come on

# Let's celebrate... #

And E.

# Oh, what an atmosphere

# I love a party with a happy atmosphere

# So let me take you there

# And you and I'll be dancing in the cool night air... #

I was all right on the chorus of that.

When it got to the verse, I was slightly lost.

OK, those are your five, so, Patrick and Sarah,

you're our golden couple, you get to go first.

We think we're going to go...

We're going to be quite safe with C, and say P!nk.

-So C is P!nk.

-With an exclamation mark for the I.

So Patrick and Sarah with an exclamation mark for the "I".

They sound fairly sure, Trevor and Simon, I'll be honest.

Hey, you can go through the board, right? Yeah, why don't you

take us through the whole lot and then choose an answer.

So, we think that, working backwards, E is...?

Oh, hang on.

-That's Russ Abbot!

-Yeah, Russ Abbot.

D, Kool And The Gang.

B, Michael Jackson and then are we going to go for A?

We think A is... Shall we say it?

Yeah. Jona Lewie.

OK, so Trevor and Simon have said Jona Lewie.

So, Patrick and Sarah you say P!nk.

Is that right? If it is, how many people said P!nk?

It is right.

23. 23 points.

So, Trevor and Simon, you need Jona Lewie to beat 23 points.

Are you correct and if you are, how many people said Jona Lewie?

There it goes, it's going to be close.

23 for P!nk.

You've done it, 15 points.

So, after one question, Trevor and Simon are leading 1-0.

-Xander.

-Well, thank you very much indeed.

You did very well to go through the board fantastically efficiently there.

Actually, interestingly, if you'd gone for E and gone for Russ Abbot,

you would have scored even better.

-That was only

-10. No!

How soon we forget!

LAUGHTER

-I

-didn't forget.

-I

-didn't forget.

He was very much the British Michael Jackson, wasn't he?

Very much.

LAUGHTER

D, Kool And The Gang, absolutely right,

that would have scored you 19.

B, Michael Jackson, you were absolutely right there.

-That would have scored you 38 points.

-38 points.

OK. So, 1-0 to Trevor and Simon.

Patrick and Sarah, you need to get this one right to pull level.

Your next question concerns...

-Xander.

-So, yeah, this is fun.

We are going to show you five tabloid-style headlines,

each of which tell the story of a famous pantomime.

We'd like you to identify the pantomimes concerned and

-say the most obscure one.

-That's very good.

-This is so weird.

-Isn't it? I know, I know.

I'm so looking forward to show 1,001, where I can sit back

-down again. That would be great.

-1,001 Shows.

-Oh, that's nice.

-Tales Of...

Let's take a look at your first one.

LAUGHTER

Girl runs away to live with seven small men.

And E.

There are your headlines.

Trevor and Simon, you're first on this.

I'll give you a little while to confer.

-OK, C.

-C, yes.

-Beauty And The Beast.

-C is Beauty And The Beast, say Trevor and Simon.

Patrick and Sarah, what have you got to rival that?

Not very good.

D is obviously Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs.

And then A is Aladdin.

We really can't think of what the other two could be.

So, I think we will have to go for Aladdin for A.

So, Aladdin. So, Trevor and Simon have said Beauty And The Beast

and Patrick and Sarah have said Aladdin.

So, Beauty And The Beast, Trevor and Simon.

Is that right? If it is, how many people said it?

It is Beauty And The Beast. How far down is this going to go?

42. 42.

So, Patrick and Sarah said Aladdin.

Is that right, and if it is, how many people said Aladdin?

It is right. It has to go below 42.

It doesn't go below 42.

It doesn't.

And that means after just two questions, Trevor and Simon,

you are through to our final.

APPLAUSE

Xander.

Well, you all did well to avoid

"girl runs away to live with seven small men".

Snow White there would have scored you 87.

Big, high score there.

The next most popular one was...

LAUGHTER

..E!

It was, of course, Dick Whittington.

That would have scored you 43. That would have been tense with 42.

That would have been... Can you imagine? Why didn't you say THAT?

-That would have been amazing.

-And that just leaves us with B.

And that was The Snow Queen.

The story that inspired Frozen.

14 points.

-14 points.

-The best one on the board.

Thank you, Xander. So, the pair leaving us at the end

of the head-to-head is Patrick and Sarah.

Have you enjoyed your second bite at the cherry?

Yes, very good, we loved it.

It's been an absolute pleasure having you here.

Thank you for joining us on this special celebration.

Everybody, Patrick and Sarah.

APPLAUSE

But for Trevor and Simon, it's time to play our 1,000th Pointless final.

So, gents,

you fought off all the competition and you are walking away with our

1,000th coveted Pointless trophy.

THEY CHEER

Thank you, that's exciting.

You now have a chance to win today's

special charity jackpot, and at the end of the show

that stands at £4,500.

Well, as always, there will be four categories.

You've got to choose one of these. Hopefully something you fancy here.

Let's take a look at what they are today on our 1,000th show.

Music By Numbers or Acting Toms.

I'd say Acting Toms.

Yeah, I think you're going to do well on that.

-Well, I don't know.

-It's worth a shot.

Acting Toms, I think, yeah.

Acting Toms, you're going for.

OK, so much better than peeping Toms, I find.

Let's hope there's something up here that you

can get your teeth into.

We are looking for Tom Hardy films - yes, we're looking for

any feature film made for cinema release

for which the Oscar-nominated actor Tom Hardy has received

an acting credit as of the end of February, 2016.

Any feature film starring Tom Selleck.

These again are feature films, cinema releases

starring Tom Wilkinson - and in all cases, no TV films,

no documentaries...

all the stuff he normally says.

As always, you've got one minute to come up with three answers.

If one of those answers is Pointless,

you're going to walk away with £4,500.

Gents, very best of luck. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

Your time starts now.

I'm going to jump in very quickly with three.

-Please do.

-OK.

-Tom Wilkinson,

and I'm not sure of the title, but In The Bedroom.

-OK.

-Tom Wilkinson, even though people may know...

What was the first of the Christopher Nolan Batman ones?

Was it Batman Begins?

Batman Begins and The Dark Knight.

-It was Batman Begins.

-OK, good.

It's a big film, but he was only in it for a bit, so I would think that.

-Thank you.

-And then Tom Selleck...

..and this is going into a random thing and I'm trying to think

quickly, but I think he did a film called Lassiter.

-Did he?

-Yeah.

-OK.

So, Lassiter.

I can think of others.

Tom Hardy...

-The thing is just to say what you know.

-OK.

Ten seconds left, gents.

I would go for Lassiter, In The Bedroom, and Batman Begins.

And if you like, we'll just go with them.

-Yeah, OK. OK.

-You happy? That is your time up.

Do you have three answers? It sounds like you do have three answers for us.

Yes, we're going to go for Tom Wilkinson and we're going to go for In The Bedroom.

You are going to go for Tom Wilkinson In The Bedroom.

LAUGHTER

It did sound funny, didn't it?

We're going to go for Tom Wilkinson, Batman Begins.

Tom Wilkinson, Batman Begins.

And then we're going to go for Tom Selleck, Lassiter.

Lassiter. Lassiter.

Which of those do you think is most likely to be a pointless answer?

-In The Bedroom.

-And which is the most obvious one you've gone for?

The most obvious is Batman Begins.

We will put that first.

Now, before we look at these,

£4,500 you're playing for. Gents, what are your charities?

Trevor?

Mine is a mental health charity,

that is where I'd like my money to go.

Excellent, and Simon?

I've picked the Huntington's Disease Association.

Excellent, lovely charities, gents.

Hopefully, one of these can win you that money.

The first answer you gave us was Batman Begins,

you gave as an answer for Tom Wilkinson films.

If that's correct and if it's a Pointless answer,

you'll win £4,500.

Batman Begins.

Is it a Tom Wilkinson film?

It is. It is a Tom Wilkinson film.

You need this to go down to zero.

Through the 40s, now,

into the 30s,

into the teens. It's going down.

-2 points.

-Oh!

2 points.

2, again?

But you thought that was your most obvious answer.

-Yeah.

-Now, your next answer was Lassiter.

If that is a Tom Selleck film and if it's Pointless,

you'll walk away with £4,500.

Let's take a look.

Is Lassiter a Tom Selleck film?

It IS a Tom Selleck film.

It is a Tom Selleck film.

You learn something new every day.

Into the 30s, we've had 2 points from our first answer.

Is this going to keep going down?

Well done.

Amazing. Amazing.

This is the man.

Congratulations, Trevor and Simon.

Lassiter was a Pointless answer,

which means your charities are walking away with £4,500.

How do you do it?

Done it again, Xander. How about that?

Well, what about that? Many, many congratulations, as ever.

Such a treat to have you on the show.

Just brilliant. And 4,500 quid.

And your final answer, In The Bedroom,

that would have scored you 1 point.

-Oh!

-Oh!

So you did very, very well, though.

That's amazing.

I'll just talk you through some of the other Pointless answers.

Tom Hardy films...

Marie Antoinette, in which he played Raumont,

and in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, he was Ricki Tarr.

All of those were Pointless answers.

Very well done if you got those at home.

Selleck films, Sean Murphy in Coma.

Her Alibi, in which he played Phil Blackwood.

High Road To China, of course, in which he played Patrick O'Malley.

And In & Out, in which he played Peter Malloy.

Very well done if you got any of those.

And finally, the Tom Wilkinson films.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind,

in which he played Dr Mierzwiak...

So, very well done.

Lots of good Pointless answers there,

but very well done to Trevor and Simon.

Very nicely done, Xander. And thank you once again

to our wonderful winning pair, Trevor and Simon.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

And thank you so much for joining us on our 1,000th show.

Thank you for joining us for the shows before, it's much appreciated.

We love making the show and we love that you're watching it,

it's greatly appreciated. And, Xander, from me to you,

thank you so much for the last 999 - this one less so.

LAUGHTER

But it's been nothing but a pleasure working with you.

-Likewise.

-So thank you so much.

-Likewise.

That's it from this weird 1,000th episode of Pointless.

It is goodbye from Xander...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.