Episode 4 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and a very warm welcome to Pointless,

the show where obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Mark, and this is Kas, my fiancee,

and we're both from Ipswich.

-Couple number two.

-Hi there, I'm Adam, this is my friend Nick.

I'm from London, and Nick's from Surrey.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Hubert and this is my friend Charan.

I'm from Bedford and she's from Wolverhampton.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Andy, this is my wife Helen,

and we're from Stourbridge, West Midlands.

And these are today's contestants. APPLAUSE

Thanks very much, all of you.

We'll find out more about each of you throughout the show

as it goes along, of course,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Here to flash you a toothy grin before biting your head off,

it's my Pointless friend, it's Richard!

-Hiya. Hey, everybody.

-APPLAUSE

Good day to you.

-And to you.

-Now, it's going to be a cracking show, I think.

We've got some really good questions.

We've also got two returning pairs who are very strong as well.

-Yeah.

-We've got, on podium one there, Mark and Kas,

who got through to the head-to-head last time,

unlucky to be knocked out. Podium two, Nick and Adam.

Now, in Round Two, Nick gave us a pointless answer,

-in European Cities of Culture, which was very impressive.

-Yeah.

Adam gave us a 100-pointer, but a very unlucky 100-pointer,

I would say. He said Vienna had been a European City of Culture.

-Apparently it hasn't.

-No.

-You'd think if anywhere had been,

it would have been Vienna.

So they are going to be tough to beat as well, I think.

Welcome to podiums three and four.

It's going to be a tough one, but I think it should be a fun one.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, Chrissie and Sue didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot starts off at £4,250.

APPLAUSE There we are.

Right, if everybody's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

All I have to say to you is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. You just have to make sure you are not that pair.

No conferring, of course, in the first two rounds.

Our first category today...

UK Tourism.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Museums in the UK.

Yes, on each board we're going to name you seven museums from

somewhere in the UK. You just need to tell us the name of the city,

town or village you would find that museum, please.

Seven on each board, 14 in all to have a go at at home.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

So, we are looking for the town,

village or city in which these museums are located.

And here is our first board.

I'll read those all one last time.

Now then, Kas. Welcome back.

-Head-to-head!

-Yep.

-Head-to-head last time.

You were on course. But you didn't win, they didn't win.

-No.

-So the jackpot is a little bit better.

I mean, strategically, you kind of did the right thing there!

Remind us what you do, Kas.

I work for a well-known supermarket as a non-food stock controller.

Do the non-food people look across at the food people

and feel a little bit envious? HE SMACKS HIS LIPS

-Mmm!

-No, because we're a bit warmer.

-Oh, that's true, of course!

-Yeah, bit warmer.

Yeah, if you're in the food aisles, you've got to wrap up, I guess,

-haven't you?

-Yeah, you're in the chiller, or the freezer.

-Not good.

-Oh, and backstage as well.

-Yeah.

-It's always very cold back there.

-Yeah.

Your bit is sweltering, I should think.

Yeah, got to take your fleece off, yeah.

There we are. Now, Kas, what would you like to go for,

of these many museums? How many of these have you been to?

I don't think I've been to any, to be honest.

I'm going to hope the other couples are just as stuck,

and plump for the Victoria and Albert Museum, London.

London, says Kas. London, for the V&A.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people

said London.

It's right.

-Ouch.

-88. However, you have taken

the one answer everybody was absolutely sure off the board.

Yeah, that's what I'm hoping.

So, I think strategically, again, you might have done something

very, very sound there. The V&A in London, Richard.

Yeah, the wonderful V&A, named after Victoria Beckham and Uncle Albert

-from Only Fools And Horses.

-LAUGHTER

-Thank you very much indeed. Adam.

-Hi.

-Back again.

-Yes.

-For another shot at that final, that jackpot.

Adam, remind us what you do.

-NICK SNIGGERS

-I work in tourism!

-Oh, no!

But London-based tourism.

It was sports! London-based sports-based tourism.

-Yes.

-You take people round particularly football grounds.

Yes, bringing people to London, taking them around the stadiums,

and, yeah, just bringing as many people that we can.

Are there any stadiums that you think are the real knockout stadiums

and some that you think are a bit meh?

There is only one in London that I would consider to be the greatest

stadium, and as we know, everyone knows, that is Craven Cottage.

-Correct. Yeah.

-I'm so glad he said that!

-It's true.

-He doesn't even support Fulham,

-he just wants to get through to the final. Isn't that appalling?

-Absolutely.

It is a lovely stadium, actually, if you come from abroad,

because it's a very old-fashioned...

-Yeah.

-Yeah, it's a lovely place to visit.

Unless you're a Fulham fan, in which case, miserable week after week,

but if you're not...

-Genuinely, it's an exciting place to visit, cos you always win.

-Yeah.

-Adam.

-Yes.

-What would you like to go for on this board of museums?

Well, Victoria and Albert was the one that I would have gone for

as well, so just looking through the rest of them.

If I were to go for a mildly educated guess,

I would go for the bottom one, which is the Colman's Mustard Shop

and Museum, and say Norwich.

I like the use of the word "mild" there.

-"Mildly..."

-Yes.

-There's nothing mild about Colman's Mustard,

I can tell you that.

Is it in Norwich? Let's find out.

How many of our 100 people said it?

It is in Norwich! It's in Norwich.

23.

There we are. APPLAUSE

23 for Norwich.

Yep, well done, Adam. The sort of answer, if you're at home,

you'd be shouting at the telly, but when you're here

-it's quite scary to hear yourself say the word Norwich.

-There we go.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, Hubert. Welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here. What do you do, Hubert?

I'm an IT student at college.

Right you are. And what are your interests?

Well, it's technology, music and radio,

those are my two big interests, really.

Do you make radio or do you listen to radio?

I make and listen.

-What kind of music?

-I do all genres, but I prefer electronic dance music, really.

Very good indeed.

Now, Hubert. These museums.

This is quite interesting, because I did do leisure and tourism

a few years ago. And we studied this particular museum and things to do

with that relevant individual, so I'm going to go for

the John Bunyan Museum and say that's in Bedford, I think.

In Bedford. The John Bunyan Museum in Bedford.

Let's see if Hubert's right.

Oh, I hope you're right, Hubert.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Bedford.

-It's absolutely right!

-Wow.

88 is our high, you whizz past that.

23 is our low score,

you whizz past that.

It's 5! Very well done indeed, Hubert. Wonderful low score there.

Bedford, for the John Bunyan Museum.

That worked out nicely. Remind us where you're from, Hubert?

-Bedford!

-He's from Bedford.

Even more so I should have got it right!

Yes. He was imprisoned at Bedford jail, John Bunyan,

-so they now have a museum to him.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Now, Andy.

-Hi.

Welcome to Pointless.

-What do you do, Andy?

-I'm at University of Worcester,

and I'm doing my Masters in psychology, my MSc.

How long have you been doing that for? What's the...?

I started in September. I was originally in education

for 20 years, and I recently left to pursue a career change, really.

-You just like being in educational institutions, don't you?

-I do!

-I do, absolutely.

-And when you come out of that,

you're just going to think, "Oh, I might just go

-"and do something else..."

-Yeah!

But what are your hobbies, apart from going to university?

For my sins, I'm a Wolves supporter,

but my daughter, Ruby, has recently got into girls' football.

So I've started to take her on a Saturday now,

-and she plays for Wordsley Wasps.

-Very good.

And you've just given them a shout-out on prime-time BBC One,

-that's fantastic!

-Absolutely.

-Good.

-Give them a little bit of a push.

-Excellent. Now, Andy,

which would you like to go for? You can go through the board,

-if you like.

-Ashmolean, I don't know, to be honest.

National Media Museum, I'd take a punt at Bristol.

But my answer, I'd say the National Museum of Scotland,

-and I'd go for Edinburgh.

-Edinburgh, says Andy,

for the National Museum of Scotland.

Let's see if that's right. And if it is,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Edinburgh.

It is right.

46. Not bad.

Not bad, 46 for Edinburgh.

Yeah, very good answer. They've got Dolly the sheep,

is in the National Museum of Edinburgh, stuffed.

And presumably in the gift shop!

And if it's not in the gift shop, you would...

Not the original one, but...

-No, but they could clone it, couldn't they?

-There you go, yeah.

Let's go through the rest of these.

-You'll know where the Ashmolean is.

-It's in Oxford.

-It is in Oxford.

Another wonderful museum. That would have scored you 32 points.

Do you know where the National Media Museum is?

No, I thought Bristol was a really good punt, actually.

It is a good punt, because you got the first two letters right.

Which I would have given you!

-Is it...?

-It's in Bradford.

-It's in "Brimingham"!

-It's in Bradford.

-Oh, right.

Bradford is the answer to that. 16 points.

Do you know the D-Day Museum?

I would say Portsmouth, probably.

-You would be right.

-Ah, phew! There we are.

Well done. 8 points.

Best answer on the board is the John Bunyan Museum.

Very well done if you got that,

especially if you're not from Bedford!

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's have a look at those scores, halfway through the round.

5, well done, Hubert. The best score of that pass.

Hubert and Charan looking very strong at this stage.

Then up to 23, where we find Adam and Nick.

Up to 46, Andy and Helen,

and then up to 88, where we find Kas and Mark.

-Now, you were head-to-headers last time, Mark.

-Mm-hm.

You can't go out first round. We need a really low score here.

-A kind of John Bunyan Museum answer.

-I'll give it me best shot.

Best of luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. We're going to put seven more museums up on the board,

and here they are.

I'll read those one last time.

-What do you do, Helen?

-I'm a social worker, I work in mental health.

-How long have you done that for?

-Nearly 16 years.

I work in a community team, helping people to recover from illness and

just trying to get their lives back on track as best they can, really.

Very good. Wonderful.

Helen, what are your interests?

I like to read.

I also kind of like to spend time with my family.

I really do enjoy that.

And I also like entering various random competitions.

-Have you ever won?

-Yeah, I've won a few things, actually.

-What's the most random thing you've won?

-Kind of...

We've won a few weekends away.

-That's nice.

-I've won some nice boots as well.

-There you are, nice boots.

-Mm.

There we are. Excellent. Now, Helen.

What would you like to go for on this board?

I'm just going to play it safe and go for the

Merseyside Maritime Museum, and go for Liverpool.

Liverpool. Liverpool, says Helen.

Let's see if that's right.

Here is your red line. If you get below that,

you are through to the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Liverpool?

It's right.

70.

116 is your total. APPLAUSE

-Yeah, there's a clue there, isn't there, in the name?

-Yeah.

Yeah, it's in the Albert Dock in Liverpool.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Charan, welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here. Charan, what do you do?

I study IT as well.

-Is that where Hubert and you meet, studying IT?

-Yeah.

How long have you been studying IT together?

-Two, three years now.

-And whose idea was it to come on Pointless?

-Me.

-Was Hubert your first choice of team-mate?

Yeah. I have to say that, he's standing right next to me!

-LAUGHTER

-I'll pay you later.

You have to say that because you've got 5 on your scoreboard!

He's done incredibly well.

Charan, what would you like to go for?

-I'll go for the Viking Centre thing.

-Yep.

Scared to say this.

Is it York?

York, for the Jorvik Viking Centre.

Let's find out if it is York.

You can't lose, because the highest scorers are over 100 points

ahead of you, so there's no red line for you for that wonderful reason.

Let's find out, though, if York is right,

for the Jorvik Viking Centre.

It is right.

45. APPLAUSE

45, taking your total up to 50.

Seeing you comfortably through to the next round.

Well played, Charan, and congratulations,

giving us an answer somewhere where you don't actually study as well.

That is quite impressive. Hubert, you could take a lesson there.

Yeah, it's in the Coppergate area of York.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Now then, Nick, welcome back.

-Hello.

Remind us what you do, Nick.

Financial services, financial advice.

And what do you like getting up to, aside from the finance side?

I like going to see bands, like seeing comedy.

Anyone you particularly devoutly follow?

I go and see Shed Seven every couple of years, myself and Adam.

They play a Christmas show every couple of years,

so, pretty much whether I like it or not, I get a ticket bought for me!

-But they're great, they are great.

-You've learned to love them!

-I have.

-I love Shed Seven!

-They're a great band.

They are. They are a great band. Now, Nick, you're on 23.

-If you can score 92 or less, you're through.

-Yeah...

One might have thought that was an easy job, but that board is...

-Tough.

-It requires a bit of specialist knowledge, I think.

A bit of local knowledge.

I've got nothing. So I'm going to guess one.

I'll try Kelvingrove, the top one, and Belfast.

Kelvingrove, Belfast, says Nick.

Yeah. I have no idea why I'm even saying it.

OK, Helen and Andy have a strong interest in the result here.

There is your red line. If you can get below that red line

with Belfast, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if it's right, though.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Belfast.

No!

I'm sorry, Nick.

I'm sorry, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 123.

Yeah, sorry, Nick, not Belfast.

Adam feels a little bit happier now because finally you got 100 points

as well. At least that's something.

-There you are.

-Equal bragging rights.

Yeah. Thanks, Richard. Mark.

-Welcome back.

-All right?

-You are fairly recently engaged?

-Yeah.

-You and Kas. Have you set the date for your wedding?

-We're looking at maybe May next year.

-Gives you a bit of time

to work out where that honeymoon's going to be.

Are you going to keep that a secret, or are you going to...?

-We've got a vague idea where we would like to go.

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Somewhere on the south coast.

OK. Wonderful places to visit,

should you be lost for day trips while you're down there, Mark.

You are on 88.

This is very exciting, because if you can score 34 or less,

which should be doable IF you get a good answer there,

you're into the next round.

Right. I know one.

The Museum of Science and Industry,

because I've been quite a regular at that place,

and I'll say Manchester.

Manchester, for the Museum of Science and Industry.

Here is your red line.

It's not terrifyingly low, but it's low-ish.

Let's find out if you're right with Manchester.

Let's see how many of our 100 people agree with Mark.

It's right.

You've done it! Very well done indeed.

Look at that, down to 18, fantastic. APPLAUSE

Very well done. 106 is your total.

Well played, Mark. Absolutely in Manchester.

-I haven't been, would you recommend it?

-Definitely, yes.

-Oh, that's nice.

-Excellent, well played.

Let's fill in this board. Now, Kelvingrove Art Gallery,

-it's not Belfast.

-Glasgow.

-Glasgow.

Would have scored 25 points.

Now, the Museum of Witchcraft is in Boscastle.

-Oh, in Cornwall.

-In Cornwall, yeah.

-Yes.

-Would have scored you 8 points.

-Fitzwilliam...

-Er, Cambridge.

-..is in Cambridge. Would have scored 15.

And the best answer on the board is St Fagans National History Museum.

It's an open-air museum, and it's in Cardiff.

Cardiff. 4 points. Very well done if you said that.

Thank you very much, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, the pair we're saying goodbye to,

with their high score of 123, I'm so sorry, Nick and Adam.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. Yeah.

Anyway, listen, it's been great having you on the show.

Thank you so much for coming along. Nick and Adam! Great contestants.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

-Good luck.

-But for the remaining three pairs,

it's now time for Round Two.

And so we are down to three pairs.

Obviously, at the end of this round we will have to say goodbye

to another pair before our head-to-head round.

Well, Hubert, very well done.

Lowest score of the round there, for the John Bunyan Museum.

Fantastic. Helen, I'm going to say you were lucky there.

Merseyside helped you out, but, listen, here we all are.

Very best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Novelists. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first

and who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, so let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

authors of the 100 Greatest British Novels as they could.

Authors of the 100 Greatest British Novels.

-Richard.

-Yes, in 2015, BBC Culture asked critics from outside the UK

to name their favourite ever British novels, and they compiled

a list of 100 greatest British novels of all time.

We're looking for the author of any of those classic British novels,

please. So any of the authors who are on that list.

It's all novels, rather than anything else.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Kas.

I might go for...

..Raymond E Feist.

Raymond E Feist, says Kas.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people

said Raymond E Feist.

Oh!

Bad luck. Not on that top-100 list, I'm afraid, Kas,

which means it's incorrect and it scores you 100 points.

Yeah, sorry, Kas, he's American, Raymond E Feist,

and works in the fantasy genre, which would possibly not have

made it on the list even if he were British, I suspect.

So, Hubert, we're looking for any author whose novel appears

on the 100 Greatest British Novels list.

I love my books. As for whether the authors are British or otherwise,

I'm not too sure, but...

This could be a high score, but this is the only one I know

that's British. Go for JK Rowling.

JK Rowling, says Hubert.

JK Rowling. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said JK Rowling.

No! Bad luck, Hubert. It's going very well, this round, isn't it(?)

-Isn't it(?)

-Yes, another incorrect answer,

scores you another 100 points, so 100 points to Hubert and Charan.

Well, she's British, that's the good news, but, yeah, the world critics

have not decided that her novels are one of the 100 best British novels

of all time.

There we are. Thank you, Richard.

-Helen.

-This is hard, isn't it? Because I don't know whether

-to go for...

-It is hard, isn't it?

-..a risky one, and not...

But don't go for an American fantasy novelist...

OK, I'll try. I don't know any of those, so that's fairly safe.

I think I'm going to try and be a little bit clever, maybe.

I'm going to go for Charlotte Bronte.

Charlotte Bronte, says Helen.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people

said Charlotte Bronte.

There, it's a correct answer, Helen.

It's a good answer, too.

16. Very well done. APPLAUSE

16 for Charlotte Bronte.

Good answer. Two novels on that list -

Villette, and Jane Eyre of course.

Thanks very much. Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores as they stand.

16 puts Helen and Andy right at the top of the table, there.

Well done. Then Hubert and Charan and Kas and Mark tied on 100, there.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so Andy, remember -

we're looking for any author whose novel appears on

the 100 Greatest British Novels list.

Again, I think I'm going to go fairly safe. JRR Tolkien.

JRR Tolkien, says Andy. Here is your red line.

If you score 83 or less, which looks like that,

you go through to the head-to-head.

How many of our 100 people said JRR Tolkien?

Is it right?

It is right.

Through you go.

Another great answer.

14. Look at that, very well done indeed.

30 is your total. APPLAUSE

You are in the head-to-head.

And that's The Lord Of The Rings,

is the novel he wrote that makes that list.

Thank you very much.

Now, Charan, what would you like to go for?

I'll go for CS Lewis.

CS Lewis, says Charan.

CS Lewis. No red line for you, as you're joint high-scorers,

but let's see how many of our 100 people said CS Lewis.

Very good answer, Charan.

6 for CS Lewis! APPLAUSE

Very well done. 106 is your total.

Terrific answer, isn't it?

Yeah, The Chronicles Of Narnia is on that list.

Thanks, Richard. And now Mark.

Well, you have a target here, Mark.

-Yeah.

-We need five or less from you.

I don't think I'm going to do it.

This is... This is a terrible subject.

I'll go for Terry Pratchett.

Terry Pratchett, says Mark.

Here is your red line, Mark, quite low,

but if you can get below that with Terry Pratchett,

you are into the head-to-head. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many people said Terry Pratchett.

Oh, bad luck!

I'm sorry, Mark.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

scores you another 100 points, takes your total up to 200.

Yeah, sorry, Mark, not on that list.

Lots of answers that would have seen you through.

You'd have got 4 points for Lewis Carroll, for Anthony Trollope,

Evelyn Waugh.

You'd have got 3 points for DH Lawrence, for Thackeray.

Zadie Smith would have scored you 3, Salman Rushdie would have scored 3.

2 points for Doris Lessing.

Kingsley Amis, Mary Shelley would have scored 2 points.

Ian McEwan, Daniel Defoe would have scored 2, Anthony Burgess.

So lots of good answers out there.

Let's take a look at the pointless answers.

Alan Hollinghurst, he was on the list twice, with

The Swimming Pool Library and The Line Of Beauty. George Gissing,

who wrote New Grub Street, is a pointless answer.

Jonathan Swift, Gulliver's Travels, of course.

Julian Barnes, The Sense Of An Ending.

Kazuo Ishiguro, who wrote Never Let Me Go and The Remains Of The Day,

both of those on the list.

Tristram Shandy by Laurence Sterne is on that list.

Monica Ali, for Brick Lane.

Muriel Spark, The Prime Of Miss Jean Brodie.

Sarah Waters, for The Little Stranger.

Lots of other pointless answers as well.

You could have had AS Byatt, Kenneth Grahame for The Wind In The Willows.

PG Wodehouse,

you could have had Stella Gibbons for Cold Comfort Farm.

So loads of pointless answers there.

The top three scorers, let's take a look at them.

Charlotte Bronte, we already heard, on 16 points.

Jane Austen has four books on that list, 29 points.

And Dickens also has four on the list, and would have scored 48.

Thanks very much, Richard. So, at the end of our second round,

the pair we've got to say goodbye to, I'm afraid, Mark and Kas.

Now you hear them all being read out, all those pointless answers,

you could easily have said one of those.

Yeah, Kenneth Williams.

-Kenneth Grahame.

-Grahame, that's the one.

-LAUGHTER

-Mind...blank, gone.

-No, it happens. It does happen.

That's the first time

-someone's joined the 300 Club after they've been knocked out.

-LAUGHTER

It's been wonderful having you on the show.

Thanks so much for playing. Mark and Kas, good luck with the wedding.

-Thanks very much. Mark and Kas.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for Andy and Helen, Hubert and Charan,

it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Andy and Helen, Hubert and Charan.

You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at £4,250.

Well, you've made it this far, and your reward for that is that you're

now allowed to confer before giving your answers,

which I think takes a lot of pressure off, I'm sure you'll agree.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

I mean, very, very well done.

We had some high scores in that last round.

CS Lewis, Charan.

I have to say, Hubert and Charan, each round,

you've pulled out the lowest score, so very, very well done for that.

And yeah, we did well, JRR Tolkien particularly inspired answer there, I thought.

Anyway, best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head. APPLAUSE

Here is your first question.

And it concerns Donkeys.

LAUGHTER

There we are. Donkeys, Richard.

Donkeys, Richard?

Five clues...to facts... about donkeys.

How do you like that?

-Come on, let's just do it.

-Let's do it, shall we?

Let's do it. Here are the five clues about donkeys.

We have got...

I'm going to read those all one last time.

OK, Andy and Helen, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

THEY CONFER QUIETLY

OK, we'll go for the bottom, which is the donkey created by AA Milne,

and we'll say Eeyore.

Eeyore, say Andy and Helen. Eeyore.

Now, Hubert and Charan, which would you like to go for?

You can go through the board if you like.

I thought I knew the Shakespeare one but I don't know.

The only one I know is the Shrek one, but that would be obvious.

Do you know any other ones? Cos if not, we'll have to go for this one.

-Eddie Murphy.

-OK, Eddie Murphy.

Yeah, with the Shrek, we're going to go for the donkey...

Yeah, the Shrek thing.

OK, Hubert and Charan saying Eddie Murphy.

So we have Eeyore and we have Eddie Murphy.

Andy and Helen said Eeyore.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Eeyore.

Eeyore is right of course.

Oh, it's a high score. APPLAUSE

A high score for Eeyore, Andy and Helen, 64.

Now, Hubert and Charan have gone for Eddie Murphy,

the voice of Donkey in Shrek.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Eddie Murphy.

It's right.

Ooh, look at that! 60.

-Wow!

-Wow!

-APPLAUSE

Well done, Hubert and Charan, after one question you are up 1-0.

Yeah, two biggest scorers on the board, there.

Very, very close. Let's fill in the rest of these.

All of these would have won the point.

-The Shakespeare character...

-Bottom.

-..is Bottom.

Right up the top. That would have scored you 22.

-Palm Sunday...

-Jerusalem.

..celebrates Jesus entering Jerusalem, would have scored you 38,

and this is a pointless answer, if you knew it.

It is The Golden Ass.

The Golden Ass. Very well done if you said that at home.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, here comes your second question. Hubert and Charan,

you get to answer it first, but, Andy and Helen,

you have to win this one to stay in the game, so best of luck.

Our second question today is all about...

Donkeys to Postal Services.

-This is just...

-I know, it's unbelievable stuff,

-it's quite high-octane.

-Isn't it?

I wonder if people at home might need to have a little sit-down.

-Well, they're probably sitting down anyway.

-Good job.

If you've been standing up watching, I would sit down if I were you.

-OK.

-Just because of the head rush.

We are going to show you five clues now to facts about postal services.

Whoever gives us the most obscure answer will be winning the point.

-Good luck.

-There we go.

OK, so, here are our five clues, and they are...

I'm going to read those all again.

OK, Hubert and Charan, you to go first this time.

OK. I think I know one.

-OK. Which one?

-The Postman Pat thing.

Yeah. I don't know any of them, to be quite honest with you,

apart from the Postman Pat one.

I think I know two, but I don't want to...

I don't... No.

We're going to have to go for Postman Pat's cat.

It's Jess.

Jess, say Hubert and Charan.

Jess is the cat.

Now, then, Andy and Helen, over to you.

The monarch who appeared on the Penny Black stamp,

we'll go for Queen Victoria.

Queen Victoria, say Andy and Helen.

Queen Victoria. We have Hubert and Charan's answer of Jess.

Let's see if that right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Jess.

It's right.

64 for Jess. APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Andy and Helen have gone for Queen Victoria

on the Penny Black.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said Queen Victoria.

Oh, it is.

It's right, and 52 is what it scores.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Andy and Helen. You're back in the game.

After two questions, it's 1-1.

Two biggest answers again so, again,

all three of these would have won you the points.

The postbox in Doddington, it's painted to celebrate the win of

the wonderful Jonnie Peacock.

Very well done if you said that at home, it's the best answer up there,

3 points. Terrific stuff.

The president, I think lots people would have said Lincoln,

it's not Lincoln. It's George Washington.

And that would have scored you 11 points.

And the name given to the collection and study of stamps...

-Philately.

-Philately will get you nowhere.

And that would have scored you 38.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, it all comes down to our third question.

This is the decider. Whoever wins this goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot. Very best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question today is all about...

Take That Singles in Spanish.

-Richard?

-Which can only mean one thing,

we're about to hear Xander's Spanish pronunciation,

-which is famed across the world.

-It is. Yeah.

It's expert. We're going to give you now five titles of Take That

Top 40 singles, but translated into Spanish.

We need the English names of these songs, please.

Oh, fantastic.

-Here we go.

-OK, let's reveal our five Take That songs in Spanish.

And here they are.

SOFTLY: Paciencia.

APPLAUSE

I don't deserve that at all.

There are Spanish people now just throwing things at the television.

I think that's why everyone's applauding.

-Oh, I see, right.

-They like it when we wind up the Spanish.

-Oh, yeah.

-Good work, Xander.

OK, Andy and Helen, what would you like to go for?

I'm trying to transport myself back to the '90s,

not that it's helping particularly much right now.

I'm going to go for Solo Se Tarda Un Minuto, It Only Takes A Minute.

It Only Takes A Minute, say Andy and Helen.

It Only Takes A Minute. Now, Hubert and Charan.

Right. I know, I think, the first...

Am I allowed to talk you through the board?

-Please, please do.

-So the first one is Million Love Songs,

second one is Rule The World,

then the other one is what Helen and Andy said.

What's the one below that?

-Todo Cambia.

-Er, I think that one...

Could it be...?

I'm not sure, that might be Said It All, but I'm not sure.

And the other one was Paciencia.

And that's Patience. But I'm trying to think which one to go for.

I'm going to go for the Million Love Songs, which is the thingy...

-The Amor one.

-Un Millon De Canciones De Amor.

-Yes, that one.

-OK, there we are. Million Love Songs.

So we have It Only Takes A Minute, and A Million Love Songs.

Andy and Helen went for It Only Takes A Minute.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

21. APPLAUSE

Meanwhile, Hubert and Charan have gone for A Million Love Songs.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Oh, 40. APPLAUSE

Which means, very well done, Andy and Helen.

After three questions, you are through to the final, 2-1.

Yeah, nice round, that. Very well played, both teams.

If you had said Rule The World for Gobernar El Mundo,

-you would have been in the final.

-I thought it would have been high!

I thought the other way round!

12 points, I'm afraid.

Paciencia is, obviously, Patience.

It's the biggest scorer up there, 41 points for that.

And Todo Cambia, when you said Said It All,

that sounded so convincing.

I actually had to look down at my thing, and you'd got it wrong.

I couldn't believe it. It's Everything Changes.

-Oh!

-Everything Changes, Todo Cambia.

-Completely different.

Would have scored you 8 points, that's the best answer on the board.

-That's fun, that round.

-It's fun.

-I suspect we'll be doing that again.

-Oh...

-Yippee(!)

-We'll be doing Beatles songs in Latvian, and...

Oh, not that again(!)

Thanks very much. The pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head

round, I'm afraid, Hubert and Charan. Ooh, that was close.

And you had the answer that would have seen you through to the final.

But never mind, we'll get to see you again next time.

We look forward to that very much. Hubert and Charan.

APPLAUSE

But for Andy and Helen, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Well, congratulations, Andy and Helen.

You've seen off all the competition and you have won

our coveted Pointless trophy.

-Thank you.

-You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot is standing,

majestically, at £4,250. APPLAUSE

Well, what a ride!

-Absolutely.

-I'm not going to say it's been easy.

-No.

-We've had some challenging rounds there for you,

but let's hope there's something that you like,

a nice category for you on the board.

As always, you get to choose your category from the four we put up.

Today's choices are...

It would have to be 'Women In' Films for me, I think.

-We go? Give it a random shot?

-Yeah, I think so.

-We've got the trophy, we're happy.

-OK.

'Women In' Films. You've got the trophy!

-We've got the trophy.

-And people will be all right if we just...

They'll clap us anyway, won't they?

Good luck with that!

OK, we're going to give you three different questions now.

We're looking for the casts, according to IMDb,

anyone credited in any of these three films, please.

In the 1984 film The Woman In Red, Gene Wilder's film.

We won't accept Gene Wilder.

Anyone from the 2012 film The Woman In Black.

And you might know where this is going - anybody from the 1997 film

The Woman In White.

So any actor credited with appearing in any of those three films,

according to IMDb. Very, very best of luck.

OK. Now, as always,

you've got up to a minute to come up with three answers,

and to win that jackpot you just need to find one pointless answer

among those three. Are you ready?

-Yes.

-OK. Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

OK. Cast of The Woman In Red.

-We've watched The Woman In Black.

-We have seen The Woman In Black.

-Yes.

-Erm...

-What can you remember about it?

Not a lot. You've read the book, haven't you?

Read the book. I remember someone falling in a swamp.

There was a man in there with glasses.

Was he the Harry Potter guy, Daniel...? Is he Daniel Radcliffe?

I think it is Daniel Radcliffe.

Yeah.

Ooh. Anyone else in The Woman In Black?

I'm trying to visualise... It has to be a woman in that...

-Oh, no, anyone in the cast?

-Yeah, anyone in the cast.

Scarlett Johansson?

-No.

-No, British film.

Would Maggie Smith be in it?

-Someone like that?

-Let's go for Maggie Smith.

-I'm really not...

-British actors.

Daniel Radcliffe, Maggie Smith... Erm...

-Ten seconds left.

-Yeah.

-Another female?

Who else would be in it?

-I don't know.

-I don't know.

-I really don't know.

-No.

OK, I'm afraid that is your time up.

I now need your three answers, and if you could say which films you're talking about for each one,

-that would be great.

-We're going to have to go for the cast of

-The Woman In Black.

-All three answers from The Woman In Black?

All three answers. It's the only thing I know about.

We haven't seen the other two.

-I think that Daniel Radcliffe is in it.

-Mm-hm.

-Daniel Radcliffe.

-The other two, I'm just going to go for Maggie Smith,

just because she's a British actor...

That's how they cast these things!

And the third one, I'm going to go for Julie Walters.

-Julie Walters.

-It's not right, but we just need a third one.

There you are. Daniel Radcliffe, Julie Walters, Maggie Smith.

Of those three, which is your most confident answer?

-None of them!

-Your best shot at a pointless answer?

We think Daniel Radcliffe would probably be the most...

You know, I think he was in it,

but I don't think he'd be particularly obscure.

-So Daniel Radcliffe.

-We'll put him last, then.

-And least likely to be pointless?

-Any of those two.

-Anybody.

-Julie Walters.

-Julie Walters, so Maggie Smith in the middle.

OK. Let's pop those answers up on the board in that order, then.

-Thank you.

-And here they are. We've got...

OK. Your first answer is Julie Walters.

In all three cases, we are looking for cast members of

The Woman In Black. Now, before we just put these to the test,

what would you do if you won that jackpot?

You know, a holiday and perhaps a few house improvements, for me.

Obviously, for Andy it might be something slightly different.

No, no. Holiday's a big one. A holiday would be lovely.

Very nice. All right. Well, very best of luck.

Julie Walters, let's find out.

Is she a cast member of The Woman In Black and, if she is,

is she pointless?

She will win you £4,250 if she is.

Let's see how many people said Julie Walters.

Oh, bad luck.

A good guess, but an incorrect answer, I'm afraid.

So obviously not a pointless answer. Two more shots at today's jackpot.

Your next answer was Maggie Smith.

Again, we were looking for cast members of The Woman In Black.

Let's find out if she's right, let's find out if she's pointless.

She will win you £4,250 if nobody said Maggie Smith.

How many people said it?

Oh! I'm afraid also an incorrect answer.

You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Your third and final answer,

probably your most confident one on this film,

-and you have seen the film!

-We've seen the film!

-I know!

-We have.

-Daniel Radcliffe.

Let's find out if it's right.

To win the jackpot, it has to be pointless.

How many of our 100 people said Daniel Radcliffe?

For £4,250.

-Yay, it's right!

-Yay!

Well, Julie Walters was incorrect, Maggie Smith was incorrect.

Daniel Radcliffe...

-51.

-Oh, well.

-APPLAUSE

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

Well, they were tough.

It was quite a tough category.

I suspect you'll be kicking yourselves when you see

-the list of names.

-We will.

-But I'm afraid you just didn't manage

to find that all-important pointless answer,

which means you don't win today's jackpot of £4,250.

-We've got the trophy.

-That will roll over onto the next show and,

as you say, you have got the trophy.

And you've done fantastically well throughout the show,

it's been great having you on. Andy and Helen.

-It's been brilliant. Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Takes us back to one of the very earliest rules of Pointless,

which is never go for films in the final round.

-That's what we always say, isn't it?

-Yeah.

-It's always difficult.

Let's take you through these. The Woman In Red,

there's only three members of the cast scored any points at all -

Kelly Le Brock, Gilda Radnor and Charles Grodin.

Every other actor in that film was a pointless answer,

so well done if you said any of those.

Now, The Woman In Black, which you have seen, and there's

some well-known names here. Janet McTeer was a pointless answer.

Jessica Raine, of course, is in Call The Midwife, a wonderful actress.

Roger Allam, another wonderful actor.

Tim McMullan. In fact,

everyone on the film was a pointless answer other than Daniel Radcliffe,

Ciaran Hinds, Emma Shorey, Misha Handley, Liz White and Shaun Dooley.

Everyone else was pointless. The Woman In White...

Everyone on that film pointless apart from Simon Callow,

Tara Fitzgerald and Andrew Lincoln.

So, again, very well done if you got a pointless answer at home.

Tough category. You've been brilliant throughout,

-it's been an absolute pleasure to meet you.

-It's been wonderful

having you on the show. Thank you so much for playing.

Well, Andy and Helen didn't win our jackpot today,

so it rolls over onto the next show,

which means we will then be playing for £5,250.

APPLAUSE

Join us then to see if someone can win it. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me.

Goodbye.