Episode 40 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game is to avoid the obvious answers

and find the obscure ones.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Liya, this is my fiance Anthony.

We're originally from Sydney but currently living in London.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name is Claire, I live in Cornwall,

and this is my sister Louise, she lives near Bath.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm St John. This is my partner Catherine,

and we're from Walthamstow in London.

And finally, couple number four.

Hello, my name is Joe,

this is my friend Parag and we are students at Cardiff University.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much to all of you.

A very warm welcome to Pointless to each and every one.

We'll get a chance to chat to you throughout the show as it happens,

so that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

So fresh, so clean, so refreshingly mean!

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hey, everybody, good afternoon.

Good afternoon to you, sir.

-Good afternoon.

-How are you?

I'm very well, thank you.

Excellent. Really frontloading the show today.

First two podiums were the people on the last show on podium one,

Anthony and Liya, welcome back, got knocked out in Round Two.

Unfortunate to get knocked out, I think, on a Shakespearean question.

And on podium two, Louise and Claire,

who got all the way through to the head-to-head.

So welcome to podiums three and four, but some very,

very strong competition there on those first two podiums.

-I should say so.

-Or podia.

-Podia.

-People often say the plural of podiums is podia.

Well, it is strictly, if you want to be annoying.

I think it's sort of is. But imagine if we said podia all the time.

There are some things that are right

that you just don't want to be doing!

And that's one of them. I might start saying it now, actually.

-You should do.

-I'll say it like that. It sounds great. Thank you very much indeed.

Now Ken and Lucy didn't win the jackpot last time,

which means we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot starts off at £2,000. There we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So remember, the pair with the highest score at the end of

each round will be eliminated.

That's the only rule you have to remember, that,

and the fact there is no conferring until we get to the head-to-head.

Best of luck to all four pairs, our first category today is Football.

Football. Can you all decide on your pairs, was going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever is going first please stepped up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many English

football teams with 13 or more letters in their name as they could.

English football teams with 13 or more letters in their name.

-Richard.

-Looking for any of the 92 teams in the top four flights of

English football in the 2015-2016 season

with 13 or more letters in their name, please.

We don't take FC and people's names, just the regular name.

-The regular name.

-Yeah.

OK. Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Anthony, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back.

Here, originally from Sydney...

-Yes.

-Here, kind of on placement, you might say.

-Yeah, for a couple of years.

-Maybe.

-We'll see.

-For a few years.

Who knows? Maybe you'll put down such strong English roots that

-you won't want to go back!

-Maybe! Maybe.

You won't want sunshine!

You'll have got used to rain and...

-Fog!

-All those things.

-Anthony, what do you do?

-I'm a software engineer.

A software engineer.

And you do that in London?

-I do that in London.

-Does that allow you time to do other things?

-I hope it does.

-Yes, yes, I enjoy playing a bit of sport.

I like playing badminton and tennis on the weekend

-and in the evening sometimes.

-Very good indeed.

OK, now, Anthony. English football.

-Yes.

-Are you across that?

Yes, I do follow it.

We used to watch it back in Australia at midnight or 2am.

-That is following it, isn't it?

-Yes.

-Wow.

So what would you like to go for?

Er...I'm going to go for my local London team, Queens Park Rangers.

Queens Park Rangers, says Anthony.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for QPR.

It's right.

Very good indeed! Look at that,

Anthony, 5 for Queens Park Rangers.

What an excellent start to the round.

And indeed the show.

Lovely start, Anthony, well played. 17 letters in Queens Park Rangers.

They're the big rivals of my team.

So I'm never allowed to say anything about them.

-Mmm.

-Great bunch of lads.

Great bunch of lads, 17 letters.

You've got to hand it to QPR,

they've got 17 letters in their name.

-There we go.

-Give them that.

Mmm. OK, now, Louise.

-Welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Welcome back.

-Here from Wiltshire.

-Yes.

-Remind us what you do, Louise?

I'm a Swedish translator.

Now how many different translations do you work on at any time?

Oh, it can be about four or five.

Some of them very urgent, some of them not so urgent.

OK. And it's very technical, isn't it?

It can be, yes.

You know when you go to...

There is a very big furniture store from Sweden,

and all their names are in Swedish,

are they literal translations or are they making them up?

They are usually Swedish towns, places.

And actual words, yeah.

So they're not actually lamps?

You know what I mean.

It's true. I do.

They're good though, they've got good names.

Now, Louise.

-Football.

-Yeah.

Um, I'm going to go with a very popular one, I'm afraid, here,

which is Tottenham Hotspur.

Tottenham Hotspur, says Louise.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Tottenham Hotspur.

Well, it's right, 5 is our only score at this point,

so let's see what sort of context that should be placed in.

29 for Tottenham Hotspur, there we are.

16 letters. For Tottenham Hotspur.

-There you are.

-They've got them to spare.

They have. They have indeed.

-Catherine.

-Hi.

A very warm welcome to Pointless.

Great to have you here. What do you do, Catherine?

I'm an administrator for a London University.

-Administrator in what sense? What are you...?

-I deal with admissions,

so everybody who applies for undergraduates and postgraduates.

I see. How long have you done that?

About two or three years now.

-Do you enjoy it?

-Yes.

Fair enough. And what do you do when you are not doing that,

-what excites you?

-I'm a member of my local WI.

-I'm on the committee.

-Are you?

-Whereabouts is that?

-It's in...around Archway,

it's Gothic Valley WI.

Gothic... Now tell me about Gothic Valley WI!

-Gothic Valley.

-It's a group of Goths who got together,

thinking that we would really like to...

A Goth WI! Oh, that's the best thing I've ever heard.

You all sing Bela Lugosi's Dead, at the end of each meeting?

-Yes.

-That's brilliant.

-Things like that, yes.

-Oh, you make sort of blackcurrant jam?

-Blackberry jam!

-Blackberry jam!

-Putting the black back into blackberry jam!

That's brilliant.

-How many of you are there?

-There's about 25 of us, not all of us Goths,

but, yes. Will you all come and visit us, maybe?

-Yes.

-We should come and visit them. That would be easier.

Wouldn't it? They could come up for a day out!

-We'd bake for you.

-I say a day out, the day out, they are all asleep,

aren't they? Night out.

That's what you do with...

That's where Goths... But oh, brilliant.

Catherine, what would you like to go for?

Um, I'm not very good at football but Preston North End.

What about that? Preston North End!

Straight out of the traps. Let's see how many of our 100 people said Preston North End.

Well, 29's our highest score, 5's our low.

You've passed 29. You've joined 5, look at that.

Joint low scorers. Very well done indeed, Catherine.

Great answer, Catherine, well played.

Yeah, one of the founding members of the English football league.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Joe, a warm welcome to Pointless.

Good to have you. From Cardiff.

-Yes.

-And what keeps you busy in Cardiff?

I'm a geography student.

And I am also chairman of the University Cricket club.

-Are you now?

-I am, yeah.

-Are you in your last year?

-I am, yeah.

On the final countdown.

Chairman, is that a social role...?

Both! Lots of administration,

lots of kicking people out of bed at 8:30 in the morning on a cricket...

Get them in the nets, yes. Got to be there.

Are you a batsman, a bowler, are you an all-rounder?

I'm going to say a wicket keeper-batsman

although my friends probably will disagree.

OK, so middle order batsman?

-Yeah.

-Very nice indeed.

And Cardiff, where is Cardiff in the rankings, generally?

-Up there, I believe.

-Right up there!

-But I'm not the person to ask!

That is exciting. Does it count as first-class cricket,

do you get listed in Wisden?

Oh, we don't, our University Cricket club doesn't.

But we're a feeder club into the combined universities,

the three universities in Cardiff, and they play at first-class level.

-Very nice indeed.

-Our club's got a few players in there.

OK. Maybe this summer, Joe...

-I doubt it.

-A few more early mornings in the nets, Joe,

-that's all I'm saying!

-Yeah, maybe. A lot more, I think.

-A lot more.

-OK. Joe, what would you like to go for?

I'm going to go for Hartlepool United.

Hartlepool United.

Hartlepool United, says Joe.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It is right. Well, we have 29 as our high score,

and 5 as our low score.

29 you passed comfortably.

And 5 you passed comfortably! Look at that, Joe! Down to 1!

Very nicely done, Joe.

1 for Hartlepool United.

Yes, 16 letters in Hartlepool United.

Jeff Stelling from Sky is a Hartlepool fan.

He walked from Hartlepool to Wembley because Hartlepool had never been,

so he walked all the way via football grounds,

raising a lot of money for prostate cancer research.

Good for him. Excellent.

Well, there we are, we're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at our scores. Joe, hats off to you,

1 the best score of the pass.

Then 5 is where we find St John and Catherine and Anthony and Liya.

And I'm afraid it's up to 29 for Louise and Claire.

I'm sorry. We need something like Hartlepool United from you, Claire,

in the next pass, to keep you in the game, so good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Parag,

remember we are looking for any English football team that has 13 or

more letters in its name.

Welcome to Pointless, Parag. And what do you do?

I'm a PhD student at Cardiff University as well.

-Oh, what's your subject?

-Chemistry.

Chemistry. Do you specialise in any particular...?

I specialise in heterogeneous catalysis.

Oh, heterogeneous, yes!

Coincidently, one of the great Goth bands!

Oh, so much better than homogenous catalysis, in my humble opinion,

but there we are. And what do you do when you're not doing that, Parag?

Like Joe, play cricket.

Well, I haven't played for a while, but I watch a lot of cricket.

I'm a steward at Lord's.

Now, that's fun. As a steward, what are you in charge of?

Well, I'm just mainly checking the tickets.

That's the best job of all!

Which presumably means when you shift finishes, you have...

Yes, it's pretty good, we've got nice breaks,

at lunch there's autograph sessions, so seeing...

People come and get your autograph, that's nice.

Getting to see the team, quite a few of them have popped round, so...

See, that's nice. And is there a sort of nice place where you can go

and sit and watch the action?

Unfortunately, it is restricted view,

but it's something there.

It's better than nothing. Parag, now, brilliant low score from Joe.

Yes, I know. I'm a bit worried.

The high score at the moment is 29, you're on 1.

27 or less gets you through.

I've got a few in my head.

I'm thinking Plymouth Argyle.

Plymouth Argyle has earned you a nod from Joe, which can only be good.

There is your red line. Get below with that with Plymouth Argyle

and you're into Round Two. How many people said it?

It's right.

And you're through.

18 for Plymouth Argyle.

Slightly patronising pat on the shoulder from Joe there.

But 19 is your total.

The Pilgrims, Plymouth Argyle,

that's quite a surprisingly high score.

-High score, I know. Surprising.

-Well done, Plymouth Argyle.

Well done, yeah, whoever's doing their marketing's doing a great job.

Yeah, exactly. I believe they scored more points than Queens Park Rangers.

-There you go.

-There you go.

-In turn.

-Listen, I make no comment about that.

-It's just a fact.

-You know what, we should stop doing all our polling

in Devon, don't you think? I think we need to move away from Totnes.

I know, but it's so lovely, the weather's so nice.

I know, it's so nice, the toffees are delicious.

Exactly. And if you're going to stand outside with a clipboard,

-you might as well have nice weather.

-You know. Might as well.

There we are. Thanks very much.

St John. Hi. I think you're the first St John we've had on.

I would imagine so. It's not a particularly common name.

It's not. It's a family name of relations of mine called St John.

And worse still, one of their family Christian names is St Andrew.

So St John is the surname, and St Andrew is a first name.

-Wow.

-So, St Andrew St John.

Sorry... You've got people in your family

whose first name is St Andrew?

-Yes.

-You might as well call your child Duke of Westminster.

-You might as well.

-Presumably, presumably you can.

Is there anything stopping you if you have a baby tomorrow?

You're not allowed to, apparently.

You can't make your first name Duke, Earl, Duke of, Earl of.

I'd like to see them try. That's what I'm going to do now.

I'm now going to have some more children,

and you wait and see what their names are going to be!

There you are. Now, St John.

Hi. What do you do, St John?

I'm a logistics manager.

See, that's fun. Where do you do your logistics management?

I'm at the Royal Academy of Arts in central London.

Oh, that's beautiful.

Just off the Burlington Arcade there.

Yes, slap-bang next to it, yes.

-How long have you been there?

-Since May of last year.

They're having their 250th anniversary in 2018,

and both buildings are having a big refit and refurb,

and I'm trying to make sure that the construction stuff and the artwork

-don't get mixed up.

-Right, yes, that is...

-That would be a pain.

-That is logistics.

You're right next to the Albany, as well,

which is another of those wonderful sort of all sort of preserved in

aspic, isn't it? It's a little bit of old London there.

OK, now, St John, there you are on 5.

29 is the high score still. From Claire and Louise.

23 is your target.

There is a risky one I'm tempted to go for, however,

I think I'm going to play it reasonably safe

and say Wolverhampton Wanderers.

Wolverhampton Wanderers, says St John.

There is your red line.

If you get below that, you are through to the next round.

How many people said Wolverhampton Wanderers?

You're through! Look at that. 15.

15 for Wolves takes your total up to 20.

It's got the most letters of any English football club,

Wolverhampton Wanderers, 22 letters.

Wolverhampton itself has got 13,

then it adds another nine with Wanderers.

Yeah. Of all the clubs to be doing the merchandise for,

I guess that's probably the best, isn't it?

If you're paying by the letter!

Paying by the letter, or perhaps the worst, if it's not by the letter.

If it's a standard price and Wolves call up, you go no, sorry, sorry,

we can't. Can't. Not big enough.

That's why they call themselves Wolves.

That'll be why.

Thank you very much, Richard. Now, Claire, welcome back.

Remind us what you do.

I work for a charity in the South West that helps promote adults

with learning difficulties living within family units.

And that's based in Cornwall, is it, the charity?

Yes, it's based in Cornwall and Devon.

And Devon. Very nice.

Do you ever go to Totnes?

-We do, actually!

-I can recommend a couple of places for lunch there!

-We do!

-Come and visit us!

-We are based in Scorrier,

and the other part of the office is based in Newton Abbot.

-Oh, well, there you are.

-Which is quite near Totnes, I believe.

Excellent. Well, if you want to come and be part of our 100 people,

feel free! Um, now, Claire, you're on 29.

-Right.

-We need a low score from you.

Well, I was going to have Plymouth Argyle, thanks, guys!

Who are our local team,

and the only other local team I know of is Torquay United.

Torquay United.

Now, that to me, I mean, just because it's got a Q in it, I guess,

is going to be a very low score.

Torquay United, let's see how that does.

No red line for you as you're the highest scorers.

Oh, no!

Oh, Claire.

-Oops.

-Oh, Claire, I'm so sorry.

I salute what you were trying to do there,

but I'm afraid it was a wrong answer.

It scores you 100 points, and takes the total up to 129.

Yes, perfect on the letters, 13 of them,

but no longer in the top four divisions, I'm afraid.

They were relegated.

They'll be back, I'm sure.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now, Liya.

-Hi.

-Liya, that has taken a lot of pressure off you there, has it not?

Liya, welcome back to Pointless.

-Round Two we had to say goodbye to you last time...

-Yes, that's right.

..but it was a really good answer you gave, Taming Of The Shrew.

It was a brave answer, and I'm sorry it cost you your place on the show.

Remind us what you do, Liya.

I work in the treasury division of a bank.

There you are. And when not working in the treasury division of a bank,

what you like doing? What you do at weekends?

Well, we try to take the opportunity to travel

around Europe while we're here.

So, hang on, the minute work stops, you get out of England?

-Is that what you're saying?

-Basically!

No, but we try to see as much of the UK as possible as well.

Excellent. What's your favourite part of the UK so far?

Well, we were just up in the Scottish Highlands this weekend.

It was a lovely, lovely place.

The pride of the UK, I would say.

Anyway, Liya, there you are on 5, it doesn't matter what you score,

let's have another low score from you.

Since there's no risk with me taking a punt this time,

I'm going to go with Sheffield Wednesday.

Sheffield Wednesday, says Liya.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

No red line for you, you're already through.

Look at that, 11!

Very well done indeed. Taking your total up to 16, which, by the way,

is our lowest total of the whole round.

-Hats off to you.

-Very good work from all our Australians there,

very impressive stuff.

Now, there are some pointless answers here.

I will go through the one-pointers first.

I know people will have had a go at home.

1 point for Oldham Athletic, Cambridge United,

for Fleetwood Town or for Rotherham United.

Two points for Northampton Town, Dagenham & Redbridge,

Colchester United, Crewe Alexandra, Doncaster Rovers,

Wycombe Wanderers and Middlesbrough.

But let's take a look at these pointless answers.

Mansfield Town, a pointless answer.

Milton Keynes Dons, Newport County.

Well done if you said any of those.

Shrewsbury Town, Southend United, Wigan Athletic,

the biggest club up there.

It doesn't look like it's got 13 letters, though,

does it, Wigan Athletic?

Let's take a look at the top three answers.

29 for Tottenham Hotspur,

44 for Manchester City

and Manchester United, 61.

-Still at the top!

-Still at the top.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Well, at the end of our first round,

I'm afraid the pair we have to say goodbye to are our lovely returning

pair, Claire and Louise, from the head-to-head, in fact, last time.

And this time, it's Round One. I'm so sorry. Football has done for you.

I'm sorry about Torquay United.

-I am, too.

-I'm sorry. I don't know what to say.

Come and visit us in Totnes.

It's been great having you on, thank you so much for playing.

Claire and Louise!

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And, so, look, three pairs remain.

At the end of this round, we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well, well done to our near podium there, Anthony and Liya,

two great answers from you.

But particular hats off to you, Joe, well done.

Lovely low score of 1 there with Hartlepool.

Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is Famous People.

Famous people. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? And whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns famous people with animal names.

Now, that's fun. Animal names.

-Richard?

-On each board we're going to show you six clues to people

whose first name or surname is that of an animal.

It's going to be 12 in all to have a go at at home, so very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK, so, we're looking for the names of these people suggested by these

clues, and here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Liya.

Hi. OK, so,

I think I'm going to go for the fourth one down,

the actress who starred in the Transformer movies and This Is 40,

and say Megan Fox.

Megan Fox, says Liya, Megan Fox.

Let's see if that's right, and let's see how many of our 100 people went with it.

It's right.

Well done. That's a lovely low score, Liya, very well done indeed.

12 for Megan Fox.

Yes, she also won the Razzie Award

for worst supporting actress for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Ah, it's a film I haven't seen.

Have you not? Oh, you must!

Oh, I must. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, then, Catherine.

What would you like to go for?

I think I'll have to go for the Englishman

who circumnavigated the globe, and that's Sir Francis Drake.

Sir Francis Drake, says Catherine.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people knew it.

It's right. 12 is our only score at this point.

Sir Francis Drake.

37.

He was knighted on board the Golden Hind in Deptford.

-That's quite cool, isn't it?

-Knighted at Deptford.

-Knighted at Deptford.

-On the poop deck.

-Yeah, exactly!

-I don't know if it was the poop deck.

They didn't have to go to a palace or anything.

-That's nice.

-Yeah.

It's quite classy. It's like when you get knighted,

it would be like the Queen coming here.

-Wow.

-In between rounds.

-Just coming up from behind a column.

-That would be good.

We wouldn't tell you.

I'd be so excited. During the first round, I'd be like...

Just checking, see if the monarch is there.

I'd see the tip of her crown and go, she's there!

-She's there.

-Fantastic.

Thanks very much, Richard.

Joe, this board is all yours.

Well, unsurprisingly, at the risk of great embarrassment,

I'm going to take the cricket one and say Allan Lamb.

There we are. Joe goes for Allan Lamb.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

Well, Joe had the low score last time.

Where's Allan Lamb going to take Joe this time?

Down it goes. 12 is our low score, you've passed it, look at that.

There we are. Once again, Joe, once again.

8.

Let's fill in these gaps, shall we?

The biggest scorer, Lady of the Lamp.

-Florence Nightingale.

-Florence Nightingale.

-70 points.

-Down the bottom there, do you know the actress?

-Claire Goose.

-Oh, yes.

Claire Goose. She would have scored you 9 points.

And the best answer, the child actress, is Raven-Symone.

And that would have scored you 1 point.

-Very well done if you said that.

-Wonderful, thanks very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at those scores. Joe once again with the low score,

the late low score at the end of that pass.

Then up to 12 where we find Liya and Anthony, then 37,

St John and Catherine.

Catherine, I thought Francis Drake deserved a lower score, frankly,

but there we are, you are the high-scorers at this stage, so St John,

you know what you have to do.

-Yes.

-Good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put six more clues up on the board, and here they are.

Six more people with animal names.

I shall read those all one last time.

Now, Parag, we come to you first.

Nice low score from Joe takes a lot of the pressure off you there.

28 or less is your target.

I honestly don't know any of this board, to be honest.

-Not a single one?

-Er...

No. I can maybe do a punt at one or two.

I...

I'm going to go for the top one, the inventor of the revolver,

Ryan Eagle or something like that.

-I don't know.

-When you say I'm going to have a punt,

what you meant was I'm literally going to throw some letters together

and see if they make names...

Ryan Eagle.

OK. Ryan Eagle.

There is your red line.

Joe, all that hard work...

Um, Ryan Eagle. Well, let's see what happens.

No.

Doesn't fly, I'm afraid, Parag.

100 points, I'm afraid, for Ryan Eagle, taking your total up to 108.

Cool name, though, Ryan Eagle.

-That's a good name, yeah.

-Isn't it?

Ryan Eagle. There we are, St John,

that has taken quite a lot of pressure off you.

-A little bit, yes.

-As our erstwhile high-scorers.

There's about four on the board I do know.

I think the lowest one there that I know will be the striker who played

for Wolverhampton Wanderers, which is Steve Bull.

Steve Bull, says St John.

Let's see if that's right.

Here's your red line, lovely and high, 70 or less gets you through.

Let's see how many of our 100 said Steve Bull.

It's right.

Gets you through to the head-to-head, St John.

Look at that, 12.

49 is your total.

So hold on, St John has said Wolverhampton Wanderers

and Steve Bull, that has been your Pointless career so far,

that's amazing!

It's like a dream for certain people from the Black Country, that is.

Incredible player, Steve Bull, once scored over 50 goals in a season.

I thought you were going to say in a match.

-I was going to say, wow!

-In one match, yeah!

Scored on his debut for England as well against Scotland.

Fabulous. Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Anthony. There you are on 12, the high-scorers on 108,

which means 95 or less gets you through.

Now, is that a pained expression on your face, or are you happy?

I think I know just one on this board.

I think the late-night talk-show host is Jay Leno.

Jay Leno, Jay Leno.

There we are, there's your red line.

Get below that with Jay Leno, you're through to the next round.

How many people said Jay Leno?

It's right and you're through! Very well done.

9.

Taking your total up to 21, once again the lowest scorers,

Anthony and Liya.

Well played, Anthony. I was looking at that age is thinking, well,

-it's not David Letterman, it's not Jay Leno...

-I know!

And of course, jay, the bird.

So very well done for spotting it.

-Now, the architect of St Paul's Cathedral is...

-Christopher Wren.

Christopher Wren. 55.

Now we will forgive all the Australians for this bottom one,

the weatherman, this is one of the most famous things that happened

in Britain, I have to say, it should be part of the citizenship test, really!

And it was Michael Fish was the name of the guy, Michael Fish,

54 points for that.

Almost as famous as Sir Christopher Wren.

-How about that?

-He has to, Michael Fish now,

every time he appears in public, any time he's interviewed, anything,

the first 20 minutes of any interview are spent with him going,

-well, to be fair, though...

-What he actually said was...

Now, the inventor who successfully invented the revolver,

not Ryan Eagle, it was Samuel Colt.

I knew that it would be one of... Of course it was going to be Colt.

Colt, 11 points for that.

And the author of those two books?

The lovely Tony Hawks.

Tony Hawks, yeah. And that's the best answer there, six points.

Brilliant, thank you very much indeed.

Well, we are at the end of our second round, and I'm sorry to say,

Joe and Parag, you got off to such flying start there.

Parag, did some of those ring a bell?

Yeah, I think I had a massive mind blank, so...

It does happen. It happens on a first appearance on Pointless.

Never on a second appearance, Parag!

No, we will see you next time, and I'm sure you will go much,

much further, but in the meantime, it has been lovely having you on.

Thank you so much, Parag and Joe!

But for the remaining two pairs, it is now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Anthony and Liya, St John and Catherine,

you are now one step closer to the final and the chance to play to our

jackpot, which currently stands at £2,000.

Well, we've reached the head-to-head, as you've probably noticed.

This means you're allowed to confer, which I think is a wonderful thing.

You can talk before you give your answers.

First pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot, simple as that.

This is a 75% Australian head-to-head.

I can't tell you how impressive...

I often say to people, I think, you know,

if you didn't perhaps grow up in the UK and you were perhaps steeped in

things like our sitcoms or, I don't know,

our strange Michael Fish incidents, you are at a disadvantage,

but you just completely disprove that.

Fantastic performance right across the board, and St John,

you haven't done badly either!

But anyway, I think this is going to be very hard fought.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question,

and it concerns Soap Actors With Other Careers.

Soap Actors With Other Careers, Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures now of soap actors

who were also famous for another career.

Can you identify the most obscure of these, please?

OK, let's reveal our five soap actors, and here they come.

We have got...

Very UK centric, this, isn't it?

There we are. Five soap actors with other careers.

Anthony and Liya, you have been our low scorers throughout the show

so far, so you will go first.

OK, so, we don't really watch any of the soaps, however,

there is an Australian on the board, which is D,

and we are going to go with Holly Valance.

Holly... Now, that's good.

Holly Va-LANCE. You see, we would call her Holly VAL-ance.

Um, Holly Valance.

Now, St John and Catherine, it's over to you.

-Talk us through the board.

-Talk you through the board.

Well, we think A is Jason Donovan.

B I know is a singer from either Westlife or the other Irish boyband

whose name has escaped me.

C is...

Denise van Outen.

And we don't know E,

so I think we're going to go for C, Denise van Outen.

OK, C, Denise van Outen.

So we have Holly Valance and Denise van Outen.

Anthony and Liya said Holly Valance, let's see that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people went with that.

There we are, very well done, Holly Valance it is.

27.

St John and Catherine, meanwhile,

have gone for Denise van Outen for C.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

55.

55, very well done. Anthony and Liya, that means after one question,

-you're up 1-0.

-Yeah, when you said there's an Australian on the board,

Jason Donovan at home was going, oh, it's me, finally!

He'd have been gutted.

Jason Donovan a big scorer, though, huge in both countries,

56 points for Jason.

-He's a lovely fella.

-Isn't he?

B, you're quite right, from Boyzone,

the name of the band which you conveniently forgot.

It's because they're not from Wolverhampton!

That's what it is. That's exactly what it is, yes.

And he's Keith Duffy, 16 points.

And the last one.

-Lisa Faulkner.

-Lisa Faulkner of course is now a chef,

and would have scored you 9 points.

There we are, thank you very much indeed.

So, here comes your second question.

St John and Catherine, you get to answer at first,

but you have to win it to stay in the game.

Best of luck. Our second question today is all about

Native British Trees. Native British Trees.

Yeah, we're going to show you the names of five native British trees now,

but we have removed alternate letters.

Can you fill in those gaps, please?

OK, so, let's reveal our five trees with bits missing,

and here they are.

We have got...

I shall read all of those again.

There we are. St John and Catherine will go first.

I don't know the other one.

Hawthorn. Silver birch, Hazel.

I think with what's on the board, we're going to go for the top one,

which we think is hawthorn.

Hawthorn. Hawthorn, say St John and Catherine.

Now, then, Anthony and Liya.

The second one I think is silver birch.

The third one, hazel.

The last two, I think something oak?

And something pine.

But... Silver birch?

-Silver birch.

-I think we'll go with silver birch.

OK, silver birch. So we have hawthorn and we have silver birch.

In the order they were given, St John and Catherine went for hawthorn,

let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It is hawthorn.

52.

52. Now, Anthony and Liya meanwhile have gone for silver birch.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said silver birch.

It's right.

Is it going to beat 52?

Yes, it is! Look at that, very well done indeed, 47 for silver birch,

which means, Anthony and Liya, after only two questions,

you're straight through to the final 2-0.

-Very well done.

-Yeah, very well played. Sorry it's so UK-centric.

For example, that bottom one, it you really, really would have had to,

for example, gone to the Scottish Highlands recently to know that one.

That is a Scots pine, of course.

And that would have scored 11 points.

Hazel, very, very big scorer, what else could that be

with those letters?

-97!

-97 points.

And this last one, do you know this one?

It's hard, isn't it, because there isn't even any British words

that fit that first thing. It's a sessile oak.

Sessile oak. Very well done if you said that, it's a pointless answer.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, the pair leaving us at the end of the head-to-head round,

I'm afraid it's St John and Catherine.

Well, it's good news for us.

It means we get to see again for another show, which is great,

but a very strong performance, lots to be proud of there.

We'll see you next time, and I'm sure you'll go even further.

But in the meantime, thanks very much for playing, St John and Catherine.

But for Anthony and Liya, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Anthony and Liya, you've seen off all the competition,

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

There we are.

Well, I've maintained the whole way through that Pointless slightly owed

you one, because you went out on a limb last time on our Shakespeare

round with an impressive answer, Taming Of The Shrew.

So, yes, second round then, 2-0 in the head-to-head this time.

I just think that is just, it's all pointing,

it's all part of the Pointless algorithm, I think,

towards some sort of win here. I think.

I don't know. But what would help that happen?

What sort of subjects would you like to see come up on the board?

-Geography.

-Geography, definitely.

Anything Australian!

If we can go for the Australian politicians round.

-Oh, yeah?

-Harry Potter would be great.

-OK, very good.

Well, listen, as always, you get to choose your category from the four

we put up on the board, so let's hope there's something up there

you quite like the look of. Today's selection looks like this.

We have got Royal Families,

Witchcraft And Wizardry,

Grammy Award-winning Actor-singers

and Truman.

We've got to go Witchcraft And Wizardry.

We're going to go, no, not Truman. Not Grammy Award-winning...

Witchcraft And Wizardry? All right.

-It could be anything.

-It could be Salem witch trials, but...

-Witchcraft And Wizardry.

-Witchcraft And Wizardry it is.

-Richard?

-Well, it's going to be three different things.

Let's have some tension as to whether we got three questions about

witchcraft and wizardry without Harry Potter.

We'll soon find out.

We are looking, according to IMDB,

any cast member of the film Witches Of Eastwick.

We are looking for the name of any teacher who taught at Hogwarts

during Harry Potter's time there, please.

Or we are looking for, this is much better for you guys,

any UK top 40 single by the band Wizzard.

So, the cast of Witches of Eastwick, Harry Potter teachers,

or Wizzard UK top 40 singles, very best of luck.

There we are. OK, now, as always, you've got up to one minute to come

up with three answers, and all you need to win the jackpot is for just

one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yes!

-Yes.

Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-All right.

-OK, so...

-Flitwick.

Flitwick they are all going to know.

-OK.

-So, how about in the seventh book when the Death-Eaters came?

So Alec Carrow?

-They've got to be good.

-Alec Carrow, I don't know, he had a twin.

-Madam Hooch?

-Madam Hooch, yes!

-Madam Hooch.

-Oh, no, Madam Hooch wasn't a teacher.

She was the... Or was that Madam Pomfrey?

-No, she was the broomstick one.

-She was the broomstick.

OK. Hooch, Alec Carrow.

-Trelawney?

-Professor Trelawney? Yeah, she was the divination.

Um...

-Um...

-Who else?

-No, I like your...

Gilderoy Lockhart?

-Oh, yeah, OK.

-They're going to know,

-he was played by Kenneth Branagh.

-Umbridge?

-Everyone hated Umbridge.

-Carrow.

-Can we think of any others?

-Any Death-Eaters?

Any other Death-Eaters that were teachers?

Who were the ones who took the Longbottoms out?

I don't know.

-Oh...

-Um...

-Ten seconds left.

OK, so, Carrow, Alec Carrow.

What about old teachers?

-Sort of like...

-Slughorn?

-Professor Slughorn?

-Alec Carrow, Professor Slughorn, Madam Hooch?

Madam Hooch, OK.

-OK.

-Oh, that was such fun to watch!

I wish that minute could have gone on longer.

Um, good work.

I mean, that was great. Let's have your three answers.

I think I know which category you're answering.

Yes, all in the Harry Potter teachers.

-Yes.

-OK.

-So, we're going with Professor Slughorn.

-Professor Slughorn.

-Madam Hooch.

-Madam Hooch.

-And Alec Carrow.

-Alec Carrow.

-And Alec Carrow.

Of the three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-I think Alec Carrow.

-Alec Carrow goes last.

Least likely to be pointless?

-Slughorn?

-Professor Slughorn, maybe.

-Professor Slughorn goes first.

And Madam Hooch in the middle.

OK, well, let's put the answers are up on the board in that order,

and here they are. We've got Professor Slughorn,

we've got Madam Hooch and we've got Alec Carrow.

Well, very, very best of luck.

Three good answers there, such fun watching you trying to decide

which answers you were going to submit.

Now, let's just imagine one of those answers might be pointless,

and you were to win that jackpot of £2,000.

What would you do with it?

Anthony, you first.

I think a bit more travel around Europe.

We want to go on a cycling trip may be through Germany,

so maybe go towards that.

Very good. Liya, anything you particularly want to add to that?

The same, but I'd love to go and see the northern lights.

Ah, yes, worth doing.

While you're here. Well, very, very best of luck.

-Thank you.

-£2,000 potentially up for grabs there,

three good answers on the board.

In all three cases, we were looking for teachers at Hogwarts,

any teacher from Harry Potter.

Your first answer was Professor Slughorn.

You thought this was probably your least likely to be pointless,

but only one of them has to be pointless, remember,

for you to win the jackpot. Let us find out for £2,000 how many people

said Professor Slughorn. Is it pointless?

It's right.

Now, then, if Professor Slughorn takes us all the way down to zero,

you will walk away with £2,000,

off to see the northern lights and cycle around Germany.

Down it goes into single figures, still going down, still going down,

you've got there, very well done!

Brilliant.

Superb.

That's just brilliant. Well done, you.

Well, congratulations, Professor Slughorn was a pointless answer,

which means you do go home with today's jackpot of £2,000,

very well done.

Anthony and Liya, richly deserved.

That turned out nicely, didn't it?

People are desperate for Harry Potter questions, you always ask it, lovely when it turns up.

Congratulations, it fell very nicely for you.

Madam Hooch would have scored you one point.

Now, Alec, or Alecto, Carrow was another pointless answer,

so very well done.

Some big names amongst those pointless answers.

I know lots of people at home would have been filling in those Harry Potter teachers.

You'll hear them all in a moment, but we will start, though, with the Witches Of Eastwick.

Everybody was a pointless answer that apart from Cher,

Jack Nicholson, Michelle Pfeiffer and Susan Sarandon.

So if you said anyone else in that film, you got a pointless answer.

Now, these teachers, the Harry Potter teachers.

Mad-Eye Moody was a pointless answer.

Horace Slughorn. Dolores Umbridge who you mentioned.

Gilderoy Lockhart you mentioned as well was a pointless answer.

Other pointless answers, Amycus Carrow, also a pointless answer.

Charity Burbage, Septima Vector.

Silvanus Kettleburn.

I'll go through the order in which the most famous teachers.

OK, so the one who scored the most was Severus Snape.

Then Dumbledore.

Then McGonagall. Then Hagrid.

Then Flitwick. Then Sprout.

Then Trelawney, Quirrell, Grubbly-Plank,

and then one point for Lupin, Hooch and Binns.

Those were all the answers there.

Now, we'll move on to Wizzard singles.

I can't believe you didn't go for any of these!

Are You Ready To Rock? Rock'n'Roll Winter and This Is The Story Of My Love (Baby).

Very well done if you are playing a different game to the rest of

us and you went for one of those.

-Terrific stuff.

-Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

Well, thanks once again to our winning players, Anthony and Liya,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,000.

Very well done indeed.

Join us next time, when we will be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.