Episode 13 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong

and welcome to Pointless, the show that makes big winners

out of the lowest scorers. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hello, my name's Stephen, this is my best friend Andrew

and we are both postmen from Banbury.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, my name's Jessica.

This is my friend Shailyn and we are both from London.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Amber, this is my boyfriend Jordan and we live in Plymouth.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Ailise and this is Clare and we are both students

at the University of Exeter.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much, all of you.

A very warm welcome to Pointless, great to have you here.

We'll get to chat to each of you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He knows his role and he knows he's droll, it's my Pointless friend,

-it's Richard.

-Hiya. Hi, everybody.

Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon.

-What a show last time.

-I know.

We had three pointless answers in regular play and then

on the jackpot round we had three more.

We had six pointless answers in all,

and Alan and Heather walked away with that £2,750 on Dickens.

Two returning pairs from that - Clare and Ailise, welcome back,

and Amber and Jordan as well.

And we welcome our newcomers as well. Two postmen, that's nice.

Yeah, what a delivery.

-If they win...

-Yeah.

-If they win, I swear I'm going to

leave their trophy with a neighbour.

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much anyway, Richard.

Anything to look out for in question terms?

-I will say this.

-Yeah.

-Round One...

I would...

In a way, I think if you're at all nervous or anything like that,

I would switch off, because it's so high-octane

it's going to blow a lot of people's minds, I think.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Alan and Heather, as you've gathered,

won the jackpot last time, which means we start off

with a jackpot of £1,000 today.

There we are. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

APPLAUSE

So, remember this, if nothing else -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated, so just keep your scores down.

Best of luck to all four pairs. Our first category today...

-It's already getting pretty exciting.

-It gets better.

-It gets better.

-Plants.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? Watch them fight to go first.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Oh, yes.

On each board we're going to give you seven clues relating to herbs.

You need to give us a nice obscure answer, please.

Seven herb clues on the first board,

seven herb clues on the second board,

14 in all to have a go at at home.

Very, very best of luck.

Imagine the excitement around Britain now.

I can feel it in here.

People being called in, kids being called in off the street.

-Yeah.

-"They're doing herbs on Pointless!"

So, let's reveal our board.

We are looking for the herbs being described by these clues.

And here are our first seven clues.

I've got to do all those again, so just bear with me.

Andy, welcome to Pointless. Great to have you here from Banbury.

-Yes.

-Where you sort out all the mail.

-Yes.

-And then deliver it to people's houses.

-Yes.

Do you have any favourite addresses on there or are they all lovely?

They're all lovely, every single one of them.

I'm glad. I would really love to get the inside gen on that.

This is my area, you see.

But where particularly do you deliver?

-Talk amongst yourselves.

-I deliver in a village called Cropredy.

I see. And how long have you been on that particular beat?

11 years on that job but 27 years as a postman.

Now, what happens...? Presumably if they suddenly changed

your delivery area that would be awful, wouldn't it?

You'd suddenly have to...

You'd make friends again, I'm sure, very quickly,

but do you have a say in that?

Yeah, kind of. Yeah, we do get to choose, but...

That's good. That's good.

So, Andy, what are you go to go for from our herbs here?

Not really good for me, this board, I'm afraid,

but I think the medical herb famously used for

a lawn at Buckingham Palace is camomile.

Camomile, says Andy.

Let's see how many of 100 people agree with Andy.

52, not bad.

Not bad, it's a solid start.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, one of the nine sacred herbs of the Saxons, camomile.

They had nine sacred herbs.

I'm not going to ask what the others are because maybe there'll be more.

But then we can then all see maybe what they have in common,

the sacred herbs, and see if there's anything that marks them out.

They're sacred.

What marks them out,

might have made them stand out to the Anglo-Saxons.

Oh, I think it was their sacredness.

LAUGHTER

Shailyn, welcome to Pointless, good to have you here.

-What do you do, Shailyn?

-I work in advertising.

Which department of advertising?

So, we are the media planning and buying side,

so we plan and buy media.

So this is all the advertising that goes in the press that you put...

I mean, how...? Has that changed quite a lot over the last ten years,

the amount of focus on press?

Do you do lots more online stuff now?

Yeah, I mean, what we do is we, I guess,

distribute the media through different channels,

so social media, digital display, for example. So, yeah.

Excellent. Shailyn, what would you like to go for

from our board of herbs?

I have two in mind - one is a safe option,

the other one is not so safe.

I think I'm going to take the risk...

..and I'm going to go for the relative of the onion, chive.

Chive, says Shailyn. Let's see if it's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said chive.

Well done.

76.

-Well, it's on the board.

-76.

That's the crisp lovers of Britain know that, don't they?

Sour cream and chive. The Romans brought it to Britain,

you can find wild chive growing along Hadrian's wall.

-There you go.

-That's nice, isn't it?

That is nice. One of the many things they did for us.

-The Romans?

-Yeah.

It's one of their sacred herbs, you know?

I wonder what it is.

Thank you very much. Jordan, welcome back to Pointless.

Great to have you here. Remind us what you do, Jordan.

-I'm a youth worker.

-You're a youth worker down in Plymouth?

-That's right, yeah.

-Very good indeed.

And what are your interests, Jordan?

I like football, watching it, playing it.

I like doing a bit of the gym when I've got time

and that kind of stuff.

Very good indeed. How are you on herbs?

Do you cook at all? Do you grow herbs?

Yeah, I cook. But these clues are not helping me right now.

I think I'm just going to have to go with the common ingredient

in soap and go lavender.

Lavender, says Jordan. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said lavender.

It's right.

Oh, look at that, lavender, passing everything else.

Oh, you leave them in your wake, Jordan.

38 for lavender there.

Yeah, good answer, Jordan. Well played.

It's one of those ones that's obvious when you see it

but actually quite tricky to work out.

Renaissance painters used to use lavender

to improve the quality of their colours.

Thank you, Richard.

Clare, welcome back.

-Remind us what you do.

-I'm a student at Exeter University.

-A medic...

-Yes.

-..at Exeter University.

And what are your interests, Clare?

Just doing a lot of stuff with friends,

just play touch rugby for the uni.

Very good. And do you belong to any societies at the uni?

-Just the touch rugby.

-Just the touch rugby.

That's enough. That's not just having friends.

My society of friends.

How are we feeling about this board of herbs?

Because it's all yours, Clare.

If you wanted to go through it and fill in all our blanks,

-you'd be very welcome.

-I don't think I'll be able to do that.

The ones I was going to go for have gone, but I think something maybe

has just popped into my head, so I'm going to go with it.

-Good.

-The leaves of this plant also known as cilantro,

I think it might be coriander.

Coriander, gets you a nod and a smile from Ailise.

Is it right? Let's see how many of our 100 people said coriander.

It is coriander.

Well done.

And done it goes, 21.

Best score of the round so far. Very well done.

That's good work, Clare, well played.

Now, shall we fill in this?

-Because you're very good with herbs.

-Yes.

-If you know what I mean.

-Yes.

-The top one?

-Mint.

-Mint, yeah.

That's the biggest scorer up there, would've scored you 81.

This next one is the best answer on the board.

But, you see, initially I was thinking fennel,

but, of course, cerfeuil, chervil.

Chervil is the right answer, very well done.

-Nice.

-Would've scored you four points.

-And at the bottom?

-That's oregano.

-Oregano.

-Or Oreh-gino.

Oreh-gino, the Americans say that.

-32 points for that.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

21, the best score of the pass, Clare, well done, you.

Clare and Ailise I think will be in Round Two.

Then we go to 38 where we find Jordan and Amber,

52 where we find Andy and Stephen

and then up to 76, Shailyn and Jessica.

Jess, how are you on your herbs?

This is not a good subject for me.

-Really?

-No.

-OK.

-Good luck with the next pass, then.

-So we'll give it a go.

OK. We are going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up the podium?

OK, let's put seven more clues to herbs up on the board

and here they come.

I'm going to read those all again.

Now then, Ailise, welcome back.

Also a medic.

-Yes.

-In your third year.

-Yeah.

-At Exeter.

You are nothing to do with touch rugby, are you?

-No, rugby's not my thing.

-You wouldn't touch that.

What do you like getting up to when you're not in the medic department?

Well, for exercise I tend to prefer things more like yoga,

going to the gym, swimming. A bit more chilled out,

less contact than rugby.

Very good indeed. And are you adept with herbs? This is the big thing.

Well, I'm quite glad I'm going first

because I don't think I could've got many of these.

So I'm going to go for the member of the laurel family

and I'm going to go with bay.

Bay, says Ailise. Here's your red line.

If you can get below this red line with bay, you are home and dry.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said bay.

Very well done.

Good answer, 25.

Our two lowest scores so far on that far podium,

46 is your total.

Very well played. The Greek god Apollo wore bay leaves

after his sweetheart Daphne was turned into a bay tree.

-Mm.

-That is tough.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-There we are.

Thanks very much, Richard.

-Amber.

-Hi.

-Lovely to have you back.

Remind us what you do, Amber.

I'm a psychology student, final year.

In your final year.

Are you going to miss it when you finish?

No. The studying hasn't been...

I'm one of those people, or few people,

that can't wait to go out and get a job and a house...

-Get on with it.

-Yeah. Go travelling first.

Oh, that's good. So, how long are you going to go travelling for?

As long as we possibly can.

So you'll go off somewhere and just follow your noses,

-or will you go on a...?

-We want to go to Asia.

We're going to teach for a little bit, teach English.

-Excellent.

-And then go south-east.

-Fabulous.

-Yeah.

Fabulous, well, good luck with all of that, Amber.

Now, you're on 38, the high-scorers are still

Jessica and Shailyn on 76,

-so 37 or less keeps you in the game.

-Yeah.

I knew bay.

And it's between two others.

I'm going to go with often used in pesto.

-Basil.

-Basil, says Amber.

Here is your red line. Not too far down.

Let's see if you can get near it or below it with basil.

It's right.

Ooh.

It's a popular one there, 80 for basil.

118 is your total.

Yeah, big score there, I think mainly due to

the Fawlty Towers reference, probably, in that clue.

Thanks very much indeed.

Now, Jessica, no longer the high-scorers, what about that?

-Jessica, what do you do?

-So, I work in advertising as well.

Now, Jessica, something tells me you're not originally from London,

-are you?

-No, I'm originally from Australia.

From Australia, and whereabouts in Australia are you from?

Everywhere, because my dad's in the Army, so I moved around a lot.

I see. That's good.

Now, you've been in London for how long?

-Five years now.

-OK.

-Yeah.

Enough to sipe up as much pointless knowledge as possible.

I will try my best, definitely.

Good. Well, very, very best of luck.

As I say, you are on 76.

You now have a target of 41 or less to remain in the game.

So, I'm going to take a punt

and go for the herb commonly used with salmon...

-..and go with dill.

-Dill.

-Yes.

-Dill, says Jessica.

Let's see if that's right.

There is your red line, you have to get below that red line.

Let's see how far down the column we get with dill.

-It's right.

-Wow.

There we are. Very good.

Not much space to spare there.

37 takes your total up to 113,

but gets you into Round Two, most importantly.

Well played, Jessica. Very nicely done, yeah.

I love the character Dill in To Kill A Mockingbird,

he's so sweet.

-There it is.

-There we are.

-I don't know if he's in the new...

-Is he in the other book?

-I don't know.

I wonder what happened to him.

I might just leave the new book unread.

I don't mind... I'll buy it.

For the Lee estate, that'd be nice.

-Yeah, but not read it.

-But I think I won't read it.

It can sit there alongside A Brief History Of Time.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Stephen.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

And I know what you do and I know even where you do it -

the village of Sibford I know is in the middle of your delivery area.

How large is the area geographically that you are...?

The area I deliver is huge because I do the village of Sibford

and Burdrop and then I have to drive, say, about 15 miles

round some farms, all the way up to Rollright Stones,

you know, more or less.

-Yeah.

-Then back down to The Firs, which you know.

-Yeah.

-Yeah, it's a big area.

-That's a big area.

So how long does it take you from start to finish?

-Four hours.

-Wow.

He's laughing because there's a big joke in the office,

they all start singing Sibford Gower takes an hour,

but it's a load of rubbish.

Stephen, you're the last person to have this board.

You've been set up quite well by Andy, 52 is not a bad score at all.

65 or less gets you through.

Do you want to talk us through that board at all?

Unfortunately I can only talk you through one,

which is the fourth herb mentioned

in the Simon and Garfunkel song, which is thyme.

Thyme, well, let's see if it's on your side, Stephen.

Thyme. LAUGHTER

There we go. There is your red line. Can you get below that with thyme?

Very well done.

Oh, look at that, beautifully judged, Stephen.

Great economising there.

It takes your total up to 112.

Yeah, very well played. What a tight round that was.

Terrific work, everybody. Yes, so,

we all know the song, and a couple of the other things mentioned in it

are also up here. It goes parsley, sage -

which is the answer to the top one there.

67 points. Rosemary, which is the answer to the bottom one,

would scored 258.

And this last one, it's the best answer on the board.

-Tarragon.

-Tarragon, with chicken, absolutely.

That would've scored you 17 points.

Very well done if you said that at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the pair we have to send home

with their high score, Amber and Jordan.

I can't bear it, you've come back for a second time

when it's traditional to stay a bit longer,

and on this occasion I'm afraid we are saying goodbye to you

at the end of the first round. Far too soon.

But lovely to have you on.

Thank you so much for playing, Amber and Jordan.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

What about that? We're down to three pairs.

Well done, you've made it through to Round Two.

But particular well done, Clare and Ailise, fabulous,

individually the lowest scorers

and obviously together the lowest scorers,

so very, very well done. They're clearly the pair to beat.

But best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second? And whoever's going first,

please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Richard.

-Yes, so many British actors now go over to the States

and star in US TV series, there's loads and loads of them,

so we've got a whole round about them.

16 pictures, we're about to show you,

all of Brits in US TV dramas where they're playing Americans.

Just need to name one of these actors, please.

There's going to be 16 in all to have a go at.

OK, thanks very much. So, as Richard explained,

we're going to put a picture up with 16 actors on it,

just throw out a name of somebody who's up there on the board.

OK, let's reveal the picture. Here it comes.

There we go.

There we go.

16 British actors.

Now, Andy.

-Yes.

-Who would you like to go for?

Oh, this is just no good for me at all.

There's one face there I recognise,

I just can't put a name to it,

so I'm going to have to do plump for

probably an obvious answer and say Hugh Laurie.

Hugh Laurie, says Andy.

Let's see how many of 100 people got Hugh Laurie.

It's right.

57, that's not bad.

-Not bad.

-Could be a lot worse.

57 for Hugh Laurie.

Yeah, played, of course, Dr House in House.

Fabulous, thank you very much indeed.

-Now, Jessica.

-Yes.

Have you decided which one you're going to go for?

There's two. One is obvious and he's quite popular now...

Well, don't do that one.

OK.

Oh, Minnie Driver.

Minnie Driver, says Jessica.

Let's see how many of our 100 people spotted Minnie Driver.

-Oh.

-Who is that?

Oh. Do you know what?

I would just assume that she was on there.

I didn't think... I was thinking, yes, Minnie Driver.

Yes, she's gone on to have a very successful career in the States

but not on that board, I'm afraid.

Bad luck, yes.

An incorrect answer scoring you 100 points there.

Clare.

-Yes.

-Clare, how are you feeling about this board?

I know a couple and there's one that I can't remember the name

and it's really frustrating me, so I can't go for that one.

I'm going to go for Idris Elba.

Idris Elba, says Clare.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Idris Elba.

It's right.

And you pass 57, our low score.

This is a new low score.

27, very well done indeed, Clare.

APPLAUSE

That's a good answer, yeah, he played Stringer Bell in The Wire.

He's the absolute archetypal person

because he wasn't a big star over here

and his American accent is so utterly convincing.

Now a huge star over here as well as over there.

Absolutely. Thank you very much indeed.

Well, we're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at those scores.

27, that far podium on fire today.

Clare and Ailise looking very strong for the head-to-head at this point.

Then up to 57, where we find Andy and Stephen,

then up to 100, Jessica and Shailyn.

Shailyn, the round is not over yet,

so a nice low score from you could easily redeem things.

Let's see what happens.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to podium?

OK. So, Ailise.

This is not good for me.

I'm honestly just going to have to make up a name, I think,

and hope by some crazy chance that's someone up on the board.

So I'm going to go with...

Steve Johnson.

Steve Johnson.

Brilliant with Minnie Driver in that...

Anyway, let's see, Steve Johnson, there's your red line.

I mean, it's not the end of the world if this is wrong.

Let's see what happens when we say Steve Johnson.

Well, there we are.

Although that scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 127.

Luckily, you were very well set up by Clare

and you may very easily still be in with a shout there.

Yeah, no Steve Johnson.

-I bet there must be an actor called Steve Johnson...

-Oh, yeah.

..at home thinking, "I would love to get the call from LA."

-But, yeah, not on that board.

-Not on that board, sadly.

How come you haven't landed a part in a major US drama?

-I did a pilot for a US thing.

-Did you?

-Which is fun.

You have a sort of pilot season where everyone...

Did you have to do an American accent?

No, I was playing an English person.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-Can you do an American accent?

-I think I can.

-Go on, then.

-Right, I'm going to...

-I'm not going to do it now.

-We'll do a little scene.

-OK.

So I'm going to be an English tourist, OK?

-Yes.

-And I'm coming in to the police station.

I go, "Oh, I'm so sorry, my car has just broken down.

"I wonder if there's anyone here who can help me."

OVER-THE-TOP AMERICAN ACCENT: I could help you, sir!

LAUGHTER

The trouble is, I think maybe...

I think maybe I hit someone further down the road.

Wait a minute, sir, we got a whole queue of people waiting here.

But I just think that someone might be quite badly injured

-down there...

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would you deal with this joker while I go and get myself a muffin?

-What do you say?

-He's good, he's good.

APPLAUSE

Oh, that was spookily good, wasn't it?

That was unbelievable.

Oh. The trouble is, when I do Americans,

I always just keep it very subtle so it's very...

I always think that's the way to do it, it's the key, don't over...

Never overdo it.

Thank you very much. Now, Shailyn.

-Yes.

-26 or less is what we require from you.

I have absolutely no clue.

I recognise some faces but I'm going to also have to take a guess.

And I'm going to go for John Smith.

John Smith. Well, there is your red line.

And there is the top of the column.

Let's see what happens when we say John Smith.

Oh.

I am afraid that's an incorrect answer, scores you 100 points,

takes up to 200

but wins you eternal gratitude on the far podium there.

See, that's the thing with acting,

because no two people are allowed to have the same name,

all names are as common as each other.

-This is true.

-Aren't they?

-Mm.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, Stephen.

You're the last person to have this board.

Who would you like to go for?

No, it's not a good board for me.

I've not a clue on anyone,

so I'll just pluck any actress out of the air and say Emma Thompson.

Emma Thompson, OK.

No red line for you, you're already through,

which is a bit of a relief.

Let's see what happens when we say Emma Thompson.

Not Emma Thompson, I'm afraid.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 157,

but you're through anyway.

That second pass went pretty well, didn't it(?)

-Yeah!

-God, this board's going to take a long time to fill in.

-Oh.

-Some very...

-Yeah.

-I bet you could probably go through this.

I bet maybe there's two you don't know on that board.

-But let's try.

-So, top left?

-Alan Cumming.

-Alan Cumming, would've scored you seven points.

Next to Hugh Laurie?

-It's Archie Panjabi from The Good Wife.

-Yes.

Would've scored you four.

-Next to her...

-Damian Lewis.

-Damian Lewis.

Would've scored you 17.

Now, the first one on the next row.

-Dominic West.

-Dominic West.

Would've scored you seven.

-Next to him?

-I can't remember her name.

She's in The Affair, with Dominic West in fact.

-Ruth Wilson.

-There we are.

-She would've scored you four points.

Next to Ruth Wilson?

Lovely Natascha McElhone.

Natascha McElhone would've scored you two points.

-Next to her?

-Michael Sheen.

Michael Sheen, 13.

Now, pointless answer for the one on the next row.

-From Breaking Bad.

-From Breaking Bad, yeah.

-And it's...

-I don't know what her name is.

-..Laura Fraser.

Very well done if you said that, pointless answer.

-Next to Laura Fraser?

-Morrissey, David Morrissey.

The wonderful David Morrissey would've scored you seven points.

He is in The Walking Dead, as is...

-Andy Lincoln.

-Andrew Lincoln, who would've scored ten points.

Next to Andrew Lincoln?

-John Mahoney.

-John Mahoney, very famous for being in Frasier.

British-born, two points for him.

On the bottom row next to Idris Elba?

You might not recognise her, Anna Friel.

-Oh, it's Anna Friel?

-Yes. It would've scored you six points.

A very big name next to Anna Friel.

Only just recognised Martin Freeman.

Martin Freeman, yeah. Would've scored you 19.

-And next to him?

-Is David Harewood.

David Harewood, who would've scored you one point.

very well done if you got one of those low scorers.

Very good indeed. Thanks so much, Richard.

So, at the end of our second round,

the pair who are heading home with a high score of 200,

Shailyn and Jessica, I'm afraid it is you.

We will see you again next time, I'm sure you will go much, much further.

But it's been great having you on the show, thank you so much.

Shailyn and Jessica.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Well, congratulations, Clare and Ailise, Stephen and Andy,

you're now one step closer to the final and a chance to play

for our jackpot, which currently stands at...

Well, here we are, we've made it to the sunlit uplands

of the head-to-head, which means you can now confer

before you give your answers, which is nice.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

Well, this is students versus postmen.

Very good. Same planet, different time zone, some might say.

But, yes, Clare and Ailise, you've been here before,

you were our golden couple last time.

Stephen and Andy, very best of luck.

Great to have you here too. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question and it concerns...

-Richard.

-Yeah, not as scary as it sounds.

We're going to show you five pairs of books now

and we've missed out numbers from both of their titles.

All you've got to do is add together

the numbers we have missed out.

Thank you very much.

Let's our reveal five sets of clues, and here they come.

I'm going to do that again.

Clare and Ailise, you will go first because you're our low scorers.

OK.

OK, so I think there's only one that we feel confident that we know,

so we're just going to have to go for that.

So, we're going for The Three Musketeers and 50 Shades Of Grey,

adding up to 53.

53 for the top one, say Clare and Ailise.

Now then, Stephen and Andy.

Do you want to talk us through the board?

-That board is all yours.

-Not really.

We know half of a few of them, but we don't know the other half.

Yeah.

So I think we're going to go for the third one,

which is Three Men In A Boat and The 39 Steps, which is 42.

42, OK.

So, we have 53 and we have 42.

Clare and Ailise said 53 - let's see if that's right for the first one,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

71.

APPLAUSE

Three plus 50 is 53 and it scores you 71.

There we are. What could be simpler than that?

Stephen and Andy have gone for 42 for the third one.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said 42.

And it wins you the point. Well done.

Look at that, 57.

Three plus 39 equals 42, scores 57,

and it means, Stephen and Andy, after one question, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, very well played.

Let's take a look. It's One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest

plus Slaughterhouse Five,

which is six, which would have scored you 19.

This is really confusing, isn't it?

-Do you know this next one?

-Erm...

-The Secret Seven.

-Secret Seven.

And Fahrenheit...

Oh, it's three. It's Fahrenheit nuh-nuh-nuh.

-Fahrenheit 451.

-451.

So, 458 is the answer there.

It would have scored you 14.

And this next one is a pointless answer.

The first one is simply a note that Pittacus Lore left out

for the postman. It says, "I am number four."

And it's 12 Red Herrings, so the answer there is 16.

Very well done if you got that at home, a pointless answer.

Excellent. Thank you very much indeed.

Here comes your second question.

Clare and Ailise, you have to win this one to stay in the game.

This is your second time here as our low scorers, our golden couple.

We can't send you home at the end of this round

without seeing you through to the final.

But best of luck to both pairs.

Stephen and Andy get to answer this one first.

Question two is all about...

-That's nice.

-Yeah, we're going to show you five pictures now

of cities that ranked in the top ten happiest cities to work in

in the UK in 2016.

Can you identify these cities, please?

OK, let's reveal our five cities and here they come.

There we are, five happy cities.

Stephen and Andy, you will go first this time.

OK, erm...

Right, well, we think we know a couple, but we're going to go for C.

We think that's Norwich.

C, Norwich, say Stephen and Andy.

Norwich. Now then, Clare and Ailise,

do you want to talk us through that board?

Erm... So, we think that A is Birmingham,

B we think probably Bristol.

D is London.

And we're not so sure about E, but it may be Newcastle.

So we're going to maybe go for Bristol for number B.

OK, Bristol for B.

So we have Norwich and we have Bristol.

Stephen and Andy said Norwich for C.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

That's a good answer.

18 for Norwich.

I think Bristol's pretty good, though.

18 for Norwich.

Meanwhile, Clare and Ailise have gone B - Bristol.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Bristol for B.

It is right.

This is going to be close, I should think.

Oh, look at that! 25 for Bristol.

APPLAUSE

Which means very well done, Stephen and Andy.

After only two questions, you're straight through to the final 2-0.

Well played, gents, and appropriately,

Norwich was number one on that list, the best UK city to work in.

Number two on the list was D, which isn't London.

They won't thank you for that! It's Liverpool.

And Liverpool would have scored you 53.

Number three on the list is Birmingham, which was A.

They went out on beautiful days to photograph these, didn't they?

43. Yeah, didn't they? I wonder if Photoshop has been involved somehow.

I do wonder a little, yes.

But, yeah, third nicest place to...

Third happiest UK city to work in.

E is not Newcastle, it is Nottingham.

Nottingham. Very well done if you said that at home.

Ten points, the best answer on the board.

Wonderful. Thank you very much indeed.

So the pair leaving us, I'm so sorry,

at the end of the head-to-head round,

second time you've been here and I'm afraid

it's a 2-0 defeat by the postmen.

Oh! We say goodbye to our medics.

Been lovely having you on the show. Thank you so much for playing.

Sorry we're sending you home without a trophy, though.

Clare and Ailise.

APPLAUSE

But for Stephen and Andy it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Stephen and Andy,

you have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot and at the end of

today's show, the jackpot is standing at £1,000.

Well, this is very impressive.

Apart from anything else, it's very good news

for people living in the Banbury area,

because it means their post tomorrow will be delivered

absolutely at the normal time, no disruption to the service.

Also, you will note how efficiently they have come in here.

They've just got the job done, haven't been savaged by any dogs...

..and are making out with a trophy each,

which is very exciting indeed. Very well done.

Anything you'd particularly like to see come up in this last round?

-Music.

-Anything sporty, I think.

-Yeah, sport as well, yeah.

I quite like football. Anything sporty, really.

OK, best of luck. As always, there are four categories

that will appear on the board behind me. You just have to hope

there's something that you aren't too scared of on that board.

Best of luck.

Today's selection looks like this.

-I don't know, Steve.

-No.

-I don't know any of them.

-No.

Should we give French pop a go? It's the only thing we even

remotely know anything about.

-OK, give it a go, yeah. OK, we're going to go for French Pop.

-No!

-French Pop.

-LAUGHTER

You just said, "Shall we go for French Pop?"

You don't look happy with that, Stephen.

-Are you all right with that?

-No, no, no, sorry, as long as it is about...

We don't know what it's about, do we?

It could be champagne, couldn't it?

LAUGHTER

Man, we missed a trick there, didn't we?

-Yeah.

-We should have done that.

Good luck, gents, I wasn't expecting that,

but here are your three questions.

We are looking for any UK top 40 single or album by the band Air.

We are looking for any tracks on Serge Gainsbourg's

greatest hits album Initials SG, released in 2003.

Or we are looking for any tracks on the Daft Punk album

Random Access Memories, please. The original release of that.

So, top 40 singles or albums by Air, tracks on Initials SG,

that's the best of Serge Gainsbourg,

or tracks on Random Access Memories by Daft Punk.

Very best of luck.

OK, now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers and all you need

to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yeah.

OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

OK, so Daft Punk.

THEY WHISPER

Was that them?

No, that wasn't Daft Punk, no. That wasn't Daft Punk. Erm...

I can't think who it was.

We're Up All Night To Get Lucky, was that Daft Punk?

-Yeah?

-Give that a go, yeah.

That's me being really obvious, though,

so think of something French, Steve.

-Brie!

-Top 40 singles or albums by Air.

-Brie.

-Yeah.

-Want to try that?

-Yeah.

-I don't know...

What else could we try?

Think of a French city.

-Saint Etienne.

-Saint Etienne, or, yeah...

That's a football club, isn't it?

-Lyon or...

-Yeah, Lyon.

Can't think of anything else.

I don't know what else to say, really.

What are we going to say?

-One of them called Brie?

-Yeah!

-THEY LAUGH

-Ten seconds left.

-And the one you said before.

-Get Lucky, is it?

-Get Lucky.

-And Cherbourg?

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah, do it, yeah.

-I don't know.

-OK, that is your time up,

just as you arrive at your answers.

What about that? So, yes, if you could give me your answers

and say which category you're answering in.

The tracks by Daft Punk, I think Get Lucky.

-Get Lucky.

-Singles by Air, we're going to say Cherbourg.

-Cherbourg.

-Yeah.

And tracks of the Serge Gainsbourg best of album,

we're going to say Brie.

LAUGHTER

Brie, OK. Of the...

Mais oui!

-Oh, that's good.

-Yeah!

-I think so.

-Of those three,

which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

Oh, Brie, definitely(!) Yeah, most definitely!

-Shall we?

-Yeah!

-Brie goes last.

Least likely to be pointless?

Erm... Get Lucky.

OK, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We've got...

Very best of luck. Now... ALEXANDER LAUGHS

I have to ask this question, if you were to win the jackpot...

..what would you like to spend it on?

Stephen, you first.

Well, we're going to play golf soon on our annual holiday,

so it will just go on a couple of really good nights there, you know.

-Hit the town. Yeah.

-Very good indeed.

-Andy, anything else you want to add to that?

-Similar, really.

And I might buy some French cheese with it or something.

Yeah! Quite right.

Best of luck. Now, your first answer was Get Lucky.

In this case, we were looking for tracks from the album

Random Access Memories by Daft Punk.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

For £1,000, is it pointless?

Get Lucky.

Well, it's right.

It just has to be pointless now.

Down it goes, it Get Lucky.

Through the 50s, into the 40s.

Makes it into the 30s and into the 20s.

Down it goes, still going down. 20, not bad, actually.

APPLAUSE

Really not bad.

Sadly, not a pointless answer,

which means we now move onto your next answer, which is Cherbourg,

which I think is still very much within the realms of possibility.

In this case, we're looking for any UK top 40

singles or albums by Air.

Let's find out, for £1,000, is it right, Cherbourg,

and if it is, is it pointless?

-No.

-No way!

-Wrong album.

-Ah...

-I'm afraid an incorrect answer...

-Ah, that one.

..which means everything is now riding

on your third and final answer. I think we've now escaped

the bonds of possibility, haven't we?

Brie. We're now looking for tracks on the Initials SG album

by Serge Gainsbourg. Brie.

Firstly, it has to be right, then it has to be pointless.

If it's both of those things, you leave with £1,000.

How many of our 100 people said Brie?

Oh, bad luck.

Bad luck.

Cannot believe it.

Well, we had one good answer there, but that was...

I mean, that's a really challenging round.

Quite niche knowledge, you need there.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

though, unsurprisingly, so I'm afraid you don't win

today's jackpot of £1,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

But it's been great having you here, absolutely fantastic.

So it's a great pleasure to send you away with

a coveted Pointless trophy each, so very, very well done.

Well earnt, Stephen and Andy.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, unlucky, gents. Very well played.

There is some good news, which is having seen

your two incorrect answers, a film producer's been in touch

and wants to make a movie of this jackpot round called the...

He's going to call it The Postman Always Wrongs Twice.

Let's take a little look at the pointless answers, shall we?

If you don't know Air, I think you'd rather like them.

They're a fantastic band.

10,000 Hz Legend, the album.

All I Need, lovely track.

Kelly Watch The Stars, a pointless answer.

Number two album, Talkie Walkie.

Also could have had Alpha Beta Gaga, Le Voyage Dans La Lune, Love 2,

Playground Love, Pocket Symphony, Premiers Symptomes,

Radio #1 and The Virgin Suicides. All of those were pointless answers.

Well done if you said one there.

Serge Gainsbourg now.

There's only three answers on that album that scored any points at all,

which were Bonnie And Clyde, L'anamour

and unsurprisingly Je T'aime as well.

Everything else on the album, including these,

was a pointless answer.

And Random Access Memories by Daft Punk,

again, which is an amazing album.

You could have had Fragments Of Time, Give Life Back To Music,

Lose Yourself To Dance, Motherboard.

You could have had Beyond, Contact, The Game Of Love, Touch and Within.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard, and thank you, Stephen and Andy.

Great to have you on the show. I'm afraid they didn't win

our jackpot today, which means it rolls over onto the next show

when we will be playing for £2,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.