Episode 27 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the show where the aim of the game

is to find the most obscure answer possible.

Let's meet today's players.

-Couple number one.

-I'm Gerry, this is my wife Heather,

we're from South Lakeland.

-Couple number two.

-I'm Andrew, this is my girlfriend Carmel,

and we live in Brixton.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Dougie from Elderslie in Scotland,

and this is my good friend and work colleague Alex from East Kilbride.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi I'm Amy, this is my husband John, and we're from Birmingham.

And these are today's contestants.

A very warm welcome to each and every one of you.

Lovely to have you with us.

We'll get a chance to chat to each of you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

If the police had to make up an e-fit

of what a genius with 11 convictions for shoplifting might look like,

it would be that.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hey, everybody. Hiya.

APPLAUSE

Good day to you.

-Good day.

-Lots of people returning from the last show.

-I know!

-That's nice, isn't it?

-Isn't it nice?

We've got three pairs, and only one new pair.

We've got someone who's eight and a half months pregnant

on the show today.

See if you can spot that at any point during the show!

Yeah. Something for you to think about.

-Yeah.

-Round One, slightly different to a round we've done before.

I mean, it's similar,

but a slightly different form of asking the question,

which is quite fun, I think.

I like it already.

-Yeah?

-I don't even know what it is.

I know you don't. You're going to find out.

I'm still reeling from the revelation on the last show

-that a wombat is not a bat.

-I know, I know.

-Extraordinary.

-And, I said I thought it was a bat,

and because you said to me "I also thought it was a bat,"

I felt strong enough to say that.

And then, you know, literally everyone in the world

knew that it wasn't.

Literally, we're the only two people in Britain

who didn't know a wombat wasn't a bat. We're, like, idiots.

-I know.

-I shouldn't have mentioned it two shows in a row, really.

I know. Oh, well. Anyway, thank you very much indeed.

Now, Phil and Jill didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that -

so, today's jackpot is double the size of last time's.

There we are. APPLAUSE

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Remember this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated. The pair with the highest score.

So, keep your scores nice and low. Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category, this is going to be exciting...

..today is...

Already exciting.

Song titles. Can you decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

What about that? Richard, synonyms.

Yes, on each board we're going to show you

seven UK number one singles.

We're not going to give you their real titles,

we're going to give you a synonym,

a different description of the title.

You just have to tell us what the title was, please.

Seven on the first board, seven on the second.

14 in all to have a go at at home.

-That's fun.

-Are they all one word titles?

-No.

-Ah!

It just gets better and better, doesn't it, Heather?

What about that?

OK, so we are looking for the actual titles of these songs,

and we're just going to provide the synonyms.

Here is our first board of seven.

We've got...

This is my favourite round ever. I'm going to read those all again.

Heather, welcome back to Pointless.

Aren't you glad you came back for this?

-I certainly am!

-Lovely to have you back with us.

-Thank you.

-Remind us what you like getting up to in Cumbria,

in South Lakeland.

Well, in my spare time I like to cook and do my garden,

and look after my cats and walk on the fells.

How many cats have you got?

15.

-Oy, oy, oy.

-Whoa.

When do you reach peak cat, I wonder?

-Six actually belong to us...

-Right.

-..and nine are feral cats.

OK. But they sort of live out in the...

They do, then we reintroduce them to where they've been living.

That's nice. So basically they look on you as a soft touch.

-I'm afraid so.

-That's where they come for their food.

-Yes.

-Now, Heather, what would you like to go for on our board?

I definitely know two, and there's one I'm not too sure of it.

So, I'm going to have to go for the one I know,

which is Madonna, Papa Don't Preach.

Papa Don't Preach, says Heather.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Papa Don't Preach.

It's right.

Look at that, 50. APPLAUSE

Exactly halfway down the column.

Heather, a great start to the round, very well done. 50.

Yeah - also a hit single for Kelly Osbourne.

-She had a number three hit.

-Thank you very much indeed.

-Carmel.

-Hello.

Welcome back. Now, remind us what you do.

I'm a costume supervisor at a London drama school.

When did you start there?

I've only been there a year and a half,

but it's the third drama school that I've worked at now.

I see. Why does she keep leaving all these jobs at drama schools?

That is exciting. So how many big shows a year are there?

-I suppose at drama schools there are always big shows.

-Um...

..15 to 20.

-That's a lot.

-Yeah.

That is a lot. I mean, were you particularly drawn to drama school

rather than going to a theatre?

Um...it's nice, because it's a daytime job,

-which is quite hard to come by in theatre.

-That's a very good point.

Yes, your evenings are your own.

-Yeah, exactly.

-Very nice indeed.

-Now, Carmel...

-Yes.

-..what would you like to go for on our board here?

Well, I know a few of them,

but I think I'm going to go for the second one down,

and I think that's Thinking Out Loud.

Thinking Out Loud, says Carmel.

Let's see if that's right for Ed Sheeran.

How many of our 100 people said it?

It's right.

13, very well done indeed, Carmel. APPLAUSE

Great score, there, for Ed Sheeran.

Yeah, it was the first song

ever to reach 500 million streams on Spotify,

-Thinking Out Loud.

-500 million!

Yeah, he made over £7.40 from those.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Alex.

-Yes, sir.

-Remind us, what do you do?

-A civil servant in Glasgow.

-A civil servant, based in Glasgow...

-Yes.

..but where are you from, somewhere else?

-East Kilbride, about ten miles away.

-East Kilbride.

-So, how far is that?

-Ten miles.

-Oh, I see. A nice easy commute.

And what are your hobbies, Alex?

-Golf...

-Do you run a golf club?

Oh, no, just a junior section.

The junior section of the golf club.

What does that actually mean?

Arranging competitions, going to watch them play matches.

-Right.

-Administration.

-And a sort of social involvement, presumably.

-Yeah, I love it.

-They're a good bunch of kids...

-Lovely.

-..from 8 to 18.

Very good. Now, Alex, what would you like to go for on our board here?

I'm going to go for Oops!... I Did It Again, Britney Spears.

Oops!... I Did It Again, says Alex.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Oops!... I Did It Again.

Well, it's right. 50 is our highest score at this point.

You pass 50.

APPLAUSE 31, very nice indeed,

for Oops!... I Did It Again.

There's a very good version of it by Richard Thompson.

-Oh, is there?

-Yeah.

-That's nice.

I know Travis do a very nice version of Baby One More Time, as well.

Yeah. Now, John.

-Hello.

-Welcome to the show, nice to have you here - from Birmingham.

-Yes.

-What do you do, John?

I'm a solicitor, and I work for the local authority.

Very good - and what else do you like getting up to in Birmingham?

Well, I used to play a fair bit of rugby.

I now don't. I was going to do more refereeing,

-but now we have our first baby on the way...

-Aww.

-..I'm painting.

It's mainly painting.

Now, very imminent in fact, the first baby.

-Yes.

-It's so exciting!

Have you got the cot, you've got all the stuff?

All your muslins?

Some, but not everything...

-Right.

-..but we've got time.

OK. Car seat?

-Yes.

-Car seat, this is important.

-Yes.

-Very good.

-But also, one of our camera operators, lovely Leila,

also eight and a half months pregnant,

so that's nice. So, it's like a race between the two of you.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Statistically we could be in trouble.

Oh, we could. Better get on with it.

Now, John, this is your board. Talk us through it.

Well, I think I'm going to go with Christina Aguilera -

but, from the bottom,

is it (I Can't Get No) Satisfaction?

I've no idea about Busted,

but it would be something like Crashed The Wedding.

Dancing Queen...

..but, I'm hoping the top answer is Dirrty.

That should really say "In Need of a Wwwwash",

with about four Ws, I think. Dirrty, says John.

Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Dirrty.

It is Dirrty.

25 for Dirrty. APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed.

Well played, John.

Took us through the board very nicely, as well.

-Look at that. Can I just say I love this round.

-It's good, isn't it?

-It's a great round.

-We've got seven more.

-Yeah. Let's do more.

Thank you very much indeed.

Well, we're halfway through the round.

Let's have a look at those scores.

13, the best score of the pass. Well done, Carmel.

Superb work, there. Then up to 25 is where we find John and Amy.

31's where we find Alex and Dougie.

And 50 is where we find Heather and Gerry.

Now Gerry, you were the high-scorers

halfway through the first round last time,

and, I'm afraid, the high-scorers

at the END of the first round last time.

Please can that not happen again this time?

We can't be saying goodbye to you

at the end of the first round twice running.

We'll come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, let's put seven more song title synonyms up on the board,

and let's see what treats we have in store.

I'm just going to read those again.

Amy, welcome to Pointless.

-Hello.

-Lovely to have you here.

Now, we know what your immediate future has in store.

Very exciting indeed -

but what do you do generally?

-I'm a criminal barrister by profession.

-Right you are -

and how long are you taking off from the criminal...?

I'm self-employed, so it sort of depends when the money runs out.

Oh, yes, that's... Yes.

I'm hoping for about nine months.

Nine months, that's nice.

-Very good indeed.

-Yeah.

-Oh, what fun!

You're at the beginning of the most fantastic journey.

Amy, what are your interests?

I like cryptic crosswords, I like reading...

She'll never get to do those again for years!

Yes, all those things I'm never going to have time for.

I like sewing, I've just taken up sewing recently.

-Lovely. Very nice.

-I've made this dress that I'm wearing.

Now, that's impressive!

Quite often when people come on and they have a hobby

and they've made something they're wearing, we have to be polite.

Feel free to be polite, it's fine!

"And I made this necklace I'm..."!

Anyway, Amy,

what would you like to go for on this board?

I think I know most of them,

and I think I'm going to go for the Carly Rae Jepsen one,

which is Call Me Maybe.

Call Me Maybe, says Amy.

You're on 25, the high-scorers are Gerry and Heather,

24 or less is your target. There's your red line.

It's right.

Oh, look at that! 26. APPLAUSE

I think that's good enough, 51 is your total.

One of the most extraordinarily catchy songs of all time.

That was actually top of the very first streaming chart in the UK.

Really? Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, Dougie, welcome back to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-You, like Alex, are a civil servant.

-Yes.

-Tell us something else about yourself, Dougie.

What other things do you like getting up to?

-What are your interests and hobbies?

-Well, a similar theme,

I'm a massive music fan, and I try to go to as many gigs as possible,

and I also go to musical festivals abroad.

I've been to Lisbon and Madrid

to see big festivals over there this year.

So, rather than standing in mud in Glastonbury and Glasgow,

I like to go and see music in the sun.

-Perfect.

-Very good indeed, Dougie.

Very sensible approach, may I say.

19 is your target.

-Yeah.

-19 or less gets you through.

OK, I'll go for the bottom one.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, by The Hollies.

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother, says Dougie.

Let's see how many of our 100 people got that.

There is your red line.

It's right.

Not bad at all. APPLAUSE

22, look at that, taking your total up to 53.

-I thought that might score more, I have to say.

-So did I.

I prefer our title.

-Oh, yes.

-Do you know who played the piano on that recording?

-Bob Holness.

-It was not Bob Holness.

It was not.

-It was Elton John.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Extraordinary.

Now, Andrew. Andrew, welcome back.

-Remind us what you do.

-I work in IT, for a drama school, as well.

Now, if you work in IT for a drama school,

does that mean in the holidays you can generally put your feet up?

No, generally when the students aren't there

I can get more work done.

-Ah.

-Because they are kind of not in the way.

Does that mean during term time you can put your feet up, Andrew?

Yes, all the time, yeah!

No, it's fairly busy.

I am in fact the entire IT department,

so it's quite busy all the time.

I see. Very good. Now, there you are on 13,

fabulous low score from Carmel.

The high-scorers at the moment are Dougie and Alex and 53,

so 39 or less keeps you very much in play.

Yeah. I...

I just, I can't figure out which of those will be the lowest.

I'm going to have to take a guess.

I'm fairly sure it's right, at the top one,

Stay Another Day.

Stay Another Day, says Andrew.

Stay Another Day.

"Remain for one additional rotation of the Earth".

There is your red line.

If you can get below that with Stay Another Day,

you're through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

You're through.

APPLAUSE 18, very well done indeed,

taking your total up to 31.

Yeah, that's one of those ones

-I can't really imagine Brian Harvey singing that.

-Not so much.

-Funnily enough.

-Not so much.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, then, Gerry. Now, then, Gerry, yes.

-Yeah.

-Welcome back to Pointless to start with.

Lovely to have you here.

Remind us what you like getting up to in Cumbria.

I'm quite keen on photography,

we walk a lot, I read a lot,

and listen to music a lot.

Lovely. All beautiful things.

-It's all nice, chilling stuff.

-In those surroundings, as well.

-Absolutely.

-Perfect place to be.

-Yes.

Gerry, you... A little bit of a mountain to climb here.

-Yeah.

-One hobby you didn't list.

You have a target of two.

Yes - and I can't see any of those that will score two or less.

Would you like to talk us through that board?

You've got Men in Black, then you've got Great Balls of Fire,

Hello Goodbye, and Bridge Over Troubled Water.

-Er... Hello Goodbye.

-Hello Goodbye.

-Hello Goodbye says Gerry.

-Which could be prophetic.

Surely... Oh, well, you never know.

-You never know.

-Well, fingers crossed.

-There is your red line.

If you can get below that with Hello Goodbye,

you are through to the next round. Let's see what happens.

Hello Goodbye.

It's right.

Oh, 20. APPLAUSE

Not a bad score at all.

20, sadly it takes your total up to 70.

Yeah, and well played, everyone, there.

Those were the lowest four answers on the board

that our four pairs gave us, there, so it's very nicely done.

So, we'll fill in these top three.

Thank you very much indeed.

So we are at the end of our first round,

and we have to say goodbye to one of our pairs -

and I'm so sorry, Gerry and Heather,

you are the pair we have to say goodbye to.

Far too soon on both shows you've been on

for us to be sending you home,

but it's been lovely having you with us.

Thank you so much for playing. Gerry and Heather.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

So, three pairs remain,

and at the end of this round we will have to say goodbye to another pair.

Andrew and Carmel, once again, our lowest combined score, there,

and Carmel our lowest individual score

with your Ed Sheeran song, there.

So, very well done. Best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for this round is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many people born in the 20th century

in line to the UK throne as they could.

People born in the 20th century in line to the UK throne.

-Richard.

-Yes, we're looking for anyone in the first 50 places

in the line of succession to the throne, please,

who were born in the 20th century.

So anybody on that list who was born in the 20th century

according to Whitaker's Almanack.

The one answer we won't accept is the 14th in line to the throne,

Alexander Armstrong. We won't accept him.

Everybody else you can have.

This is of August 2016.

Very good.

Carmel.

Not a great topic for me, I have to say.

I'm going to go for Princess Eugenie.

-I think that's how you say it.

-Princess Eugenie.

-Yeah.

-OK, let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Princess Eugenie.

21 APPLAUSE

21 for Princess Eugenie.

Yeah, born in 1990.

She had an interesting thing recently

where both her boyfriend and her dog were called Jack.

-Oh...

-That's awkward, isn't it?

-That is awkward.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much. Alex.

Who would you like to go for?

On a similar theme, I think, Princess Beatrice.

OK, Princess Beatrice, says Alex.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right. 21 for Eugenie, where is Beatrice going to end up?

21! APPLAUSE

That is nice.

-Very amicable arrangement there.

-That's nice, isn't it?

She's seventh in line to the throne,

Eugenie is eighth, but they've scored the same.

That's nice, that's going to be useful in that household, isn't it?

-That is.

-You would not want those bragging rights.

-That is great. Yeah, you wouldn't. You just wouldn't.

-Can you imagine?

-Sisters - if one of them had scored, like, even one more.

-I know, I know.

Phew! Thank you very much indeed.

-Now, Amy.

-Yes.

I had an answer, but I'm not sure she's old enough,

so I think I'm going to say Peter Phillips.

Peter Phillips, says Amy.

Peter Phillips. Ooh, I wonder who her answer was!

-Mmm.

-Mmm. "She", not old enough...

..but she's gone for Peter Phillips.

Peter Phillips. Let's see how many of our 100 people

said Peter Phillips.

Look at that. Oh, down to two! APPLAUSE

Amy! Look at that.

Leaving his York cousins in his wake.

-Look at that.

-Yeah, 13th in line to the throne,

the Queen's eldest grandchild Peter Phillips.

Now, his now wife, Autumn Kelly, when they first started dating,

six weeks into the relationship with Autumn Kelly,

she's sitting at home with her mum

watching a documentary about Prince William,

and that, six weeks into the relationship,

was the first time she knew

that Peter Phillips was a member of the Royal family.

He had chosen not to tell her. Which is quite good, isn't it?

-That is good.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

I wonder if that was a nice surprise for Autumn?

I think, maybe - if you're watching with your mum

and suddenly you discover, that's quite fun, isn't it?

-That's quite fun.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Very modest.

-It reflects well on him, doesn't it?

Doesn't it? Very well indeed. Thank you.

We're halfway through the round - let's take a look at those scores.

Two was the best score of that pass, Amy, very well done indeed to you.

21 - ooh, this is exciting.

Joint high-scorers Alex and Dougie, and Carmel and Andrew.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK. Now, then, John.

Well, I had someone in mind, but my wife used that answer,

so I've had a bit of a panic.

However, I have got an answer.

Zara Tindall, or Zara Phillips before she got married.

Oh, you're hoping to get extra points for saying Zara Tindall.

I'm not sure it works like that!

But anyway, let's see how many of our 100 people

said Zara Phillips, or Tindall.

There is your red line.

Get below that, head-to-head, definitely.

Very well done. Look at that, down to seven.

APPLAUSE

Taking your total up to nine.

Very good, through you go to the head-to-head.

Yes, 16th in line to the throne.

She's qualified as an equine physiotherapist, Zara Tindall.

The interesting thing about that relationship

is Mike Tindall still doesn't know she's a member of the Royal family.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Now then, Dougie.

-Mm...

-Dougie.

Not a great subject for me.

I'm going to have to go for quite an obvious one and say Prince Andrew.

Prince Andrew, says Dougie.

Prince Andrew. Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

You're joint high-scorers, so there's no red line for you.

It's right.

42 for Prince Andrew,

taking your total up to 63. APPLAUSE

Yes, sixth in line to the throne, the Duke of York.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now then, Andrew.

-Andrew.

-Yeah, a few of the ones I was thinking of have gone.

I was going to use Zara Phillips, as well.

I think there's something in my head

that says there's a Princess Michael.

Princess Michael of Kent, I think it is.

-OK.

-That's what I'm going to go for.

You're going to go for Princess Michael of Kent.

That's earnt you a little buzz of something from our audience.

Let's discover what that something was.

There is your red line.

How many of our 100 people said Princess Michael of Kent -

but, crucially, is it right?

-Sorry.

-Bad luck I'm afraid.

That's an incorrect answer, Andrew, scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 121.

Yeah, sorry - she does exist, but she married into that family,

and the person she's married to

is, of course, Prince Michael of Kent,

and he would have scored you one point,

so, he would have been a terrific answer, I'm afraid.

Have you got any answers here? I bet you have.

Oh, I'll go for the Duke of Kent.

The Duke of Kent...

..one point, very nicely done.

Lots of pointless answers. Let's take a look at a few of them.

The youngest name on our list, born in 1999,

Charles Armstrong-Jones.

Columbus Taylor, that's a good name.

There's a few other answers.

Arthur Chatto, Cassius Taylor, the Earl of Ulster,

Lady Amelia Windsor, Lady Davina Lewis,

Samuel Chatto and the Earl of St Andrews.

All of those are pointless answers.

-Shall we take a look at the top three?

-I think yes.

What most of our 100 people said.

Look at that.

-Look at that.

-Now, that is a Christmas table I now want to see!

-Yeah.

-With Prince Charles going,

"Yeah, I did watch the line of succession to the throne thing,

-"William, yeah."

-"Yes, I did."

Harry would be so cool.

-Harry doesn't mind.

-Yeah, he's fine.

-He'd be very comfortable in third.

He likes to be out of the...

..but these two, that is trouble, isn't it?

-That is...

-Can you imagine?

So, I'll tell you who will be putting a video of that on

-on Christmas Day.

-The Queen?

-No, Prince Philip.

-Oh, yeah!

-He'll go, "I might watch something, I think.

"Wills, Charles, take a look at this."

Thank you very much indeed. We are at the end of our second round,

and the pair we have to say goodbye to,

with their high score of 121,

they were our low scorers in the last show,

but this, I'm afraid, is where they have to bow out.

It's been lovely having you on the show,

thank you so much for playing. Andrew and Carmel.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, John and Amy, Dougie and Alex.

You are now one step closer to the final,

and a chance to play for our jackpot which currently stands at £2,000.

There we are.

APPLAUSE

Well, the big news is we've arrived at the head-to-head,

which means you can chat before you give your answers,

and the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Our first question today is all about cricket grounds.

-Richard.

-We're going to show you five pictures now

of cricket grounds from around the world.

We need you to name these grounds, please.

We'll give you alternate letters of their names.

Thank you very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five cricket grounds - and here they come.

We have got...

There we are.

There are five cricket grounds.

John and Amy, you're our low scorers, so you will go first.

THEY WHISPER

We've got an answer. We'd like to go for A,

and the answer is Eden Gardens.

Eden Gardens, say John and Amy.

Eden Gardens. Now, Dougie and Alex.

THEY CONFER

Er, C...which we think

is Western Australia Cricket Association Ground.

OK. You're going to go for the Waca.

So we have Amy and John saying Eden Gardens,

and Western Australian Cricket Association Ground

from Dougie and Alex. So, John and Amy, Eden Gardens,

let's see how many of our 100 people got that for A.

It's right.

That's a great answer.

Eight for Eden Gardens. APPLAUSE

Dougie and Alex, meanwhile,

have gone for the Western Australian Cricket Association Ground.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people got that for C.

It's right.

Look at that, down to two! APPLAUSE

I didn't think anything was going to beat Eden Gardens.

Very well done indeed, Dougie and Alex,

and it means after one question you are up 1-0.

Yeah, I would have thought those two scores would be roughly reversed,

but, as you say, "the Waca" they know that as.

Lord's would have scored you 92 points.

Nearly a century.

D is Trent Bridge, in Nottingham

Another big scorer.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, here comes your second question.

Dougie and Alex get to answer it first,

but, John and Amy, you have to win this one to stay in the game,

so very best of luck with that.

Our second question today is all about...

-Richard.

-We're going to give you five clues now

relating to rooms in literature -

can you give us the most obscure answer?

I've got nothing more than that!

Let's find out what that means.

Five clues to rooms in literature.

I'll read those all again.

Dougie and Alex will go first.

THEY CONFER

We're going to go for the top one, 1949 novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Nineteen Eighty-Four, say Dougie and Alex.

Now then, John and Amy, what would you like to go for?

Do you want to talk us through the board?

We don't know all of them.

The War of the Worlds is HG Wells -

but I think we're going to go for the Bloomsbury Group author,

who I think was Virginia Woolf.

Virginia Woolf.

So, we have Nineteen Eighty-Four and we have Virginia Woolf.

Dougie and Alex said Nineteen Eighty-Four,

let's see how many of our 100 people got that.

It's right.

53 for Nineteen Eighty-Four. APPLAUSE

And John and Amy have named Virginia Woolf

as the author of A Room of One's Own.

Let's see how many of our 100 people got Virginia Woolf.

Virginia Woolf beats Nineteen Eighty-Four.

Down it goes, very well done. 11 for that.

APPLAUSE

John and Amy, that's exactly what you needed.

Back in the game - after two questions, it's 1-1.

If you have to guess the Alan Ayckbourn one?

1950s?

-'70s, actually.

-'70s!

-'70s. Yeah.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, we move onto our third question, and this is the decider.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final.

Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question today is all about...

-Richard.

-We'll show you the titles now of five British TV panel shows,

but in the form of anagrams.

Can you unscramble these, please? Very best of luck both teams.

Thanks very much indeed.

Let's reveal our five mixed up panel shows -

and here they are.

I'll read those all again.

John and Amy will go first.

THEY WHISPER

I think we're going to go for Cheek Met Wok being Mock the Week.

Mock the Week say John and Amy.

Mock the Week. Now, then, Dougie and Alex.

-Talk us through the board, if you like.

-Whoa-ho!

I think the fourth one's QI.

LAUGHTER

Just a guess, so.

Struggling with them.

I think we only know the top one,

Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

-I think we're going to go for that one.

-Yes.

OK. Never Mind the Buzzcocks, say Dougie and Alex.

So, it's Never Mind the Buzzcocks, and Mock the Week for John and Amy.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

28 for Mock the Week. APPLAUSE

Dougie and Alex, meanwhile, have gone for Never Mind the Buzzcocks.

Let's see if that's right for the top one.

It's right.

71. APPLAUSE

Very well done, John and Amy.

After three questions, you're through to the final 2-1.

Yeah, very well played. Do you know the bottom one?

-No.

-Do you not?

You're the person who's hosted it most, so...

Oh, it's that!

-Oh...

-Have I got News For You.

I hadn't even got down to that one, I'm afraid.

I was still chewing over number two.

Natural Gem, John Sergeant hosted it for one series,

and then Sean Lock hosted it.

It's a pointless answer, it's Argumental.

Very well done if you said that. Argumental.

Now, what do you think IQ scored?

-That one, I...

-As an anagram, literally by definition of anagram,

there can only be one answer to that,

because we've moved around the letters.

It would surely be in the very, very high 90s.

98, shall we say?

98, do you think?

98.

90.

LAUGHTER

I mean, sometimes I just wonder!

Thanks very much indeed.

Well, we have come to the end of our head-to-head round,

and I'm afraid one of the pairs in front of me

has to leave us at this point. It is Dougie and Alex.

Such a good run today,

and it's been wonderful seeing a little bit more of you today

than we saw last time -

I'm afraid you just didn't quite make it through to the final,

but thank you for coming and playing.

-Dougie and Alex. Great contestants.

-Thank you very much. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for John and Amy, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, John and Amy, you've seen off all the competition,

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

APPLAUSE

Well, very, very well done.

You've acquitted yourselves incredibly well.

One performance on Pointless, just one appearance,

and right the way through.

Lovely low score after low score.

Now then, what would you like to see come up in this last round?

You're very good at sport, aren't you? So I think...

I'd like the history of Aston Villa or superhero identities.

We had that last time, both of those last time, sadly.

Amy, anything you'd like to see?

-No, I'm going to rely on John.

-Fair enough.

Very good. Well, let's see what's up on the board today.

Let's hope there's something you like the look of.

Today's selection is...

-Classical music's out.

-Yes.

Um...

Star Trek on film, I am concerned I wouldn't know enough detail.

No, OK.

-Shall we give her a go?

-Yes.

-OK.

-Agatha Christie, please.

-Agatha Christie it is.

-Richard.

-Agatha Christie.

Very best of luck. Three very different questions here.

We're looking for the title

of any full-length Miss Marple novel by Agatha Christie,

any of the titles of a Miss Marple novel.

We are looking for any character

from Agatha Christie's play The Mousetrap,

or any actor in the 2015 BBC adaptation

of And Then There Were None, according to IMDb.

So, any Miss Marple novel, characters from The Mousetrap,

and actors from And Then There Were None.

-Very best of luck.

-Thank you very much indeed.

Now, as always, you've got up to one minute

to come up with three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot

-is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-OK.

-OK, are you ready?

-Yes.

-Yes.

-Yes, OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

And Then There Were None, there was Aidan Turner...

-Poldark.

-Yeah. Charles Dance.

The guy with the really strange face whose name I can never remember.

-I don't think I should know him...

-Agh...

-OK.

-I can't think of anything else.

Mousetrap characters. We've seen it, I can't recall any name.

Apart from the inspector - let's get rid of that. Miss Marple novels.

Is there one that's like The Sign Of The Dead Horse,

or something like that?

It's set in a pub.

There's At Bertram's Hotel...

At Bertram's Hotel.

-Is that Miss Marple?

-That is Miss Marple.

Um...

The Body In The Library is an obvious one.

-Sorry?

-The Body In The Library, is that...

-Is that Marple?

-I thought so. Christmas TV adaptions, always Miss Marple.

-OK.

-Well, shall we go with Marple...?

-Yeah.

The Body In The Library...

-Bertram.

-..At Bertram's Hotel.

-There's one that's something like At The Sign...

-Ten seconds left.

-We've always got Charles Dance.

-The White Horse, Dead Horse...

We've got Charles Dance as a third.

I think he'll be quite high-scoring.

Three answers there.

OK, that is your time up, I'm sorry to say.

That minute's never long enough.

What are your three answers going to be?

So, Miss Marple novels, At Bertram's Hotel.

At Bertram's Hotel.

The Body In The Library.

The Body In The Library.

And then I think we're going to go for

-cast of And Then There Were None, Charles Dance.

-Charles Dance.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-At Bertram's Hotel.

-At Bertram's Hotel goes last.

-Least likely to be pointless?

-I think Charles Dance.

Charles Dance, and then The Body In The Library goes in the middle.

-Yeah.

-OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board

in that order, then - and here they are.

We've got...

Well, very, very good luck.

If one of these turns out to be pointless and wins you that jackpot,

what, I wonder, will you be spending that money on?

John, you first.

Um...

I've been told we will be spending it on the baby room.

Yes. What are the pressing things you need in the baby room, Amy?

Carpet would be useful.

Oh, that is important. That is important, yeah.

Well, listen, fingers crossed.

This would be lovely to be able to send you away with the jackpot,

so let's see what happens.

Here are your answers. Charles Dance was your first answer,

in this case we were looking for cast members

of And Then There Were None.

If it's pointless, it will win you £2,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Charles Dance.

It's right.

Down goes Charles Dance.

Through the 40s, into the 30s.

How far down will he go? Will he go all the way down to zero?

We're into single figures. Still going down. Still going down!

Three for Charles Dance, that's very exciting.

APPLAUSE

I mean, as a first answer, three is a fabulous score.

Very good indeed. Annoyingly not pointless, though,

so we move onto your next answer, which is The Body In The Library.

In this case we were looking for full-length Miss Marple novels.

The Body In The Library, if it is pointless, will win you £2,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Body In The Library.

Down it goes. Charles Dance, your first answer,

took us all the way down to three.

The Body In The Library now takes us down through the 20s,

through the teens, into single figures,

yes, down we go, still going down, passing three...

You've done it! Very well done indeed!

APPLAUSE That is how you do it.

Very well done. Congratulations.

-Thank you.

-Brilliant.

-We may even call the baby Alexander now!

Well, there you are!

Fabulous. The Body In The Library is a pointless answer,

which means you go home with that jackpot of £2,000.

The baby will have nappies!

Very well played. Great category for you.

At Bertram's Hotel also a pointless answer, so very well done.

APPLAUSE

Nice name for a baby, Bertram!

That's all I'm saying.

Shall we take a look at some more Miss Marple novels?

Lots of pointless answers here, actually.

4.50 From Paddington,

which in my head I call the 4.59 From Paddington,

so I wouldn't have won the money.

You could have had A Pocket Full of Rye,

you could have had Sleeping Murder,

The Mirror Crack'd From Side To Side was a pointless answer,

The Moving Finger, and They Do It With Mirrors.

All of those were pointless answers. Well done if you said any of those.

Character from the Mousetrap - six pointless answers here.

You could have had Giles Ralston and Mr Paravicini as well.

Everyone in that was a pointless answer apart from Aidan Turner,

Charles Dance, Sam Neill, Miranda Richardson, and Douglas Booth.

Everyone else a pointless answer.

Very well done if you got any of those at home,

and congratulations in the studio

and also very best of luck from us all.

-Thank you.

-Thank you very much, Richard.

And thank you once again to our winning contestants, John and Amy,

who go away with today's jackpot of £2,000.

Very well done.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time,

when we'll be putting more obscure knowledge to the test on Pointless.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

..and it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.