Episode 49 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, the show where the more obscure your knowledge,

the better your chances of winning. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

I'm Duncan, this is Gary, my Pointless friend,

and we're from Dunblane.

-Couple number two.

-I'm Henry, this is my friend Dougie,

we're both currently at university, but we're originally from Leeds.

Couple number three.

Hi, I'm Andy, this is my girlfriend Cherry, and we're from Rotherham.

And finally, couple number four.

Hi, I'm Sara, this is my friend, Hannah,

I'm from Exeter, and Hannah is from Leicestershire.

And these are today's contestants.

Thanks very much, all of you, a very warm welcome to Pointless.

Lovely to have you all here. We'll get a chance to chat to you

throughout the show as it goes along.

So that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

Here to cut the mustard, stir the custard

and sing along to the songs of Busted,

it's my Pointless friend - it's Richard!

Hiya. Hey, everybody.

Hiya.

-Hello, there.

-Hello, good afternoon.

Good afternoon to you. It should be a cracking show today.

Two returning pairs - on our first two podiums, actually.

Dougie and Henry got through to the head-to-head. Welcome back.

Gary and Duncan got knocked out in Round One.

Not terrible answers - certainly not from Gary!

LAUGHTER

Lovely to have you all back. It should be a lot of fun, I think.

I think it should. Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Well, Alison and Emma, who were our finalists last time,

managed not to win the jackpot, so we add another £1,000 to it.

So today's jackpot starts off at £2,000, there we are.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

Only one thing I beg of you not to forget, and it is this -

the pair with the highest score at the end of each round

will be eliminated.

So keep your scores nice and low. I'm looking at you, Duncan.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our category for the first round is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Famous Warriors, Richard.

That's annoying - I asked them to do famous worriers!

And...it was going to be the most anxious people in history.

On each board, seven descriptions of people known for

their military prowess or fighting capabilities.

We're also going to give you their initials.

So 14 in all, seven on each board. Best of luck at home.

Thank you very much indeed.

OK, let's reveal our first board of warriors, and here they are.

I'm going read those all again.

-There we go. Gary, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Tell us about yourself.

I'm Gary, I'm a minister in Dunblane.

I've been there for about 15 months and having a great time.

Enjoying lots of different things in my parish,

particularly amateur dramatics.

Oh! I bet Gary's good at amateur dramatics.

-He's got a good voice for...

-He's got a great voice.

-Yeah.

What sort of things are you working on at the moment?

Well, we're doing a panto in January.

I was hoping you'd say that. What will you be playing?

See if you can guess. Arrr-harrr!

Ah, Snow White!

LAUGHTER

-Pirate, pirate.

-A pirate. You'd make an excellent pirate.

-Thank you.

-Not just the beard. The mean. Anyway, there we are.

-Now, Gary, what would you like to go for on our board?

-Right...

I think I shall go for...

..British Queen of the Iceni tribe

who led a revolt against Roman rule in 60AD.

Boudiga.

Boudiga?

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

70.

70...

..for Boudicca.

-Yes, the woman of a million names.

-Yeah.

-Difficult to pronounce.

But, yes, very good answer.

-"Boudiga"! That's...

-"Boudiga"!

-That's how we say it in Scotland.

It's good. Thank you very much, Richard.

-Now, Dougie, welcome back.

-Thank you.

-Remind us what you do, Dougie?

I'm a student at the University of Birmingham.

-And you are studying...?

-Philosophy.

-In your last year?

-That I am, yes.

-Very good indeed.

Now, what sort of things are you getting up to in Birmingham?

I play cricket, and I'm in a few societies at university.

In fact, me and a few friends, they didn't get into

the university cricket team, so they started up their own club

and I managed to get on board with that quite quickly.

Now, hang on, I'm kind of inferring from that

-that you did get into the university cricket team?

-No, I didn't.

Oh, you didn't as well? Right, OK. I thought you were going to say,

"I'm helping out there, giving a little bit of expertise."

-I'm in their team, with them.

-OK, very good.

-Now, Dougie, what would you like to go for here?

-Erm...

Please may I go for giant Philistine warrior defeated by David,

and that is Goliath.

Goliath, says Dougie.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Goliath.

It's right. Well...

Ooh, 74.

74 for Goliath.

A giant score.

Yeah, two big scores so far.

Of course, famously been revised,

the whole story of David and Goliath.

David's seen as an underdog,

but any military historian...says he was a huge favourite.

-Interesting, isn't it?

-It is interesting.

Lots of good things written about him.

Malcolm Gladwell writes very interestingly about it.

Completely revises the way that we think about that story.

I played Goliath in my son's school play.

-Did you?

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Did you?

I bet, because you're an actor, though, you didn't want to lose.

"I'm sorry, I just looked at the script - it's terrific stuff.

"I wonder if there's a little rewrite here where Goliath,

"he gets up again, and he pummels David?

"I wonder if that's something we could do?"

I bet you did. That was good. Who played David?

I bet there was a queue of people who wanted to play David.

I'd have played him.

LAUGHTER That would have looked odd.

-A little bit.

-There we are.

I'd have had to stand a long way away.

Now, Cherry, welcome.

-Good to have you here, from Rotherham.

-Yeah.

What keeps you busy in Rotherham?

I'm currently a support worker, I support disabled adults.

Very good, good for you. And how often do you do that?

Is that a full-time job?

Yeah, it's full-time. I work shifts during the week.

Very good. And what are your interests when you're not at work?

I like going to the gym, swimming, and I like art, I draw a lot.

I have done since I was little.

What sort of things?

Do you do cartoons, caricatures, things like that?

Yeah, I like using a lot of bright colours.

Very good. Sometimes people do drawings of us, don't they?

I've seen people do drawings of us.

I have seen one drawing of us that looked quite like us.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah, there was one.

-That's interesting.

I like it when they do drawings of us in icing on a cake.

-See, that's nice.

-Those are my favourite drawings.

Or, recently, as icing on a biscuit, a lemon biscuit.

-Oh, yes, that was lovely.

-That was really nice.

-Yeah.

-Mm!

Anyway, sorry, Cherry, there we go.

-What would you like to go for?

-I'm not great with history.

Erm, I'm going to have to go King of Macedonia who conquered

the Persian Empire known as...

It's just a guess. ..Arthur The Great.

-No...

-OK... Ooh! You get a buzz from the audience.

Let's find out if that's a good buzz or a bad buzz.

-I don't know any on the board.

-Arthur The Great, says Cherry.

Let's see.... It has a ring to it!

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for Arthur?

-Oh, no.

-No,

I'm afraid not Arthur The Great.

-That scores you 100 points.

-Sorry, Cherry.

I'll give all the correct answers at the end of the pass.

Thank you very much indeed.

-Now, then, Hannah, welcome.

-Hello.

-Good to have you here.

-What do you do, Hannah?

-I'm a voice-over artist.

-Oh, no, that's fun!

-Yeah, it is, it's fun.

That's a nice way to earn your crust, isn't it?

-Yeah, it is, isn't it?

-What sort of things do you voice?

Well, I've done a lot of audio books -

that's my favourite side of it.

But other corporate stuff as well, but...

Now, when you do audio books, and you have characters.

I mean, obviously, I know when you're...

-Presumably, you read through everything in advance.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-That's quite important.

-There's a professional right there!

-Especially in a murder mystery.

-How many times have you said...

EFFEMINATE VOICE: "'Yes, yes, I do!'" replied the captain."

"Oh, sorry..."

-DEEP VOICE: "'Yes, yes, I do...'"

-So many times, yeah.

Do you have a colour coding so you remember which voice is which?

-I have quite an elaborate spreadsheet.

-That...

-You really are a professional!

-Yeah, thank you.

Are you suggesting that you don't do that, if you do an audio book?

I didn't... I mean, by the end of the session I've probably

got a pretty good...what we might call a spreadsheet, yes.

-Yeah.

-A kind of diagram, you might call it.

But you're very good at remembering which voice is for which?

Yeah, sometimes.

Sometimes, you get to the next page and go, "Oh, that's a man!"

-Yes, exactly.

-You've just got to go back, yeah.

-Now, Hannah.

-Hello.

What would you like to go for on this board? It's all yours.

-Do you want to talk us through and fill in all the blanks?

-Yes.

Well... So the Knight of the Round Table is Lancelot.

Then we've got Joan of Arc.

I think I've got the Charlton Heston one in my head

but I can't think what it is.

I think it's El something or other. I don't know, I'm not sure.

Erm, Alexander The Great.

But I think I'm going to go for the bottom, which is Leonidas.

Leonidas. Or "Le-onidas". Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people went for Leonidas, or "Le-onidas"?

-It is right.

-It's right!

Well, 74... I'm sorry, 100 is our highest score,

70 is our low.

You leave everyone in your wake.

Look at that, down to 8, very well done indeed, Hannah.

That's a proper answer, very good indeed.

Well played, Hannah, that's a lovely answer.

You took us through the board very nicely as well.

Yeah, not Arthur The Great - Alexander The Great.

That would've scored you 44 points.

It's terrible there's already an Alexander The Great -

-it doesn't really give you anywhere to go, does it?

-No.

There's yet to be a Richard The Great, so I could still,

-you never know, I could achieve something.

-Yeah, you could.

The top one, the Knight of the Round Table, is Lancelot - quite right.

It would've scored 63.

The French heroine, Joan of Arc.

78. And you were halfway there with the Spanish hero.

-El Cid.

-El Cid.

-HANNAH:

-Ah, that's it, yeah.

And that would've scored 30.

So the best answer on the board, Hannah, Leonidas. Well played.

Thank you very much indeed. We're halfway through the round.

Let's look at the scores. 8 is the best score of the pass,

Hannah, very well done indeed.

Hannah and Sara looking very strong.

Then we travel quite a long way up to 70, which is

where we find Gary and Duncan - second-best score of the round.

Then up to 74, Dougie and Henry.

Then, up to 100, Cherry and Andy. Now, Andy...

..you're not that far ahead, but you are ahead.

You're definitely ahead, significantly ahead.

We need a low score from you in the next pass. Good luck with that.

We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Right, let's put seven more clues up on the board, and here they are -

famous warriors, every one.

I shall read those all again.

-Sara.

-Hello.

-Welcome to Pointless.

-Sara, what do you do?

-I'm an actor. Yes...

-An actor? Yeah.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

Not tempted by the...by the booth?

I am tempted by the booth. I've just got a microphone to try, but...

-That's the first part of the booth, the most important bit.

-Yeah.

So far, I've just sort of been sat in my wardrobe trying

to record bits, so it's not as professional as Hannah.

OK, what you need is some egg boxes to lessen the echo in the booth.

This is a voice-overs, obviously.

-We're getting Sara around to the dark side.

-Thank you.

-And then, yeah...

-Good to go!

-You are good to go.

I just need to eat a lot of omelettes over the next few weeks.

Yeah, absolutely!

I was slightly puzzled about what you were saying there.

I was thinking... "Ah, yes, egg boxes - got you!"

LAUGHTER Now, then...

I was thinking, that booth's going to be a bit... Ugh...

-Anyway, now, Sara, lovely low score from Hannah in the first pass.

-Yes.

It means that if you can score 91 or less,

you are straight through to the next round.

Good, good, OK. Yes.

Well, I hopefully know one, at least,

so I'm going to go for Genghis Khan

for Mongol warrior who conquered much of Central Asia and China.

-Genghis Khan.

-Yes.

-Now, here is your red line - nice and high.

If you get below this with Genghis Khan,

you are right through to the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Genghis Khan?

It's right. Very well done.

Down it goes. 73.

Good enough. It takes your total up to 81.

Yeah, they say that one in 200 men alive today

are descended from Genghis Khan.

He's another one whose story has been extensively rewritten.

We thought he was a very terrible man.

Apparently, no, he just liked playing bridge.

-Brewed his own beer, perfectly good guy.

-Yeah, yeah.

-Mowed his lawn.

-Yeah.

He's got this weird reputation from somewhere.

He was the grandfather to Kubla as well.

Yes, he was, indeed. And he was a member of the Rotary Club.

I know. He was nice, exactly.

Did an awful lot of work for charity.

Had an allotment, where he grew runner beans.

Exactly, yeah. Thank you, Richard.

There we are. So, now, Andy...

-Hello.

-Andy, welcome to Pointless, good to have you here.

What do you do, Andy?

I work as a member of the management team in a well-known record store.

Oh, that's nice!

Oh, there aren't that many record stores left.

-Yeah, there are still some going.

-There are still some.

Are you doing roaring trade still?

It's doing really well now. Vinyl's coming back into fashion...

-You see, exactly.

-..so everyone's back on board.

It's going to be back. You've been there and weathered the storm.

-How long have you been there?

-For nearly 15 years I've been there,

so a long time.

Just hold on, it'll turn right up again.

-Fingers crossed.

-Oh, fingers crossed.

Andy, you're the high-scorers at this point.

Anything could happen in the next three questions.

But what we do need from you is a nice low score.

I know a few, but the lowest I think that I know

is the Greek hero of the Trojan War,

I'm going to go for Achilles.

Achilles. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Achilles?

There's no red line for you as you're the high-scorers.

That is not bad at all.

26, Andy.

It takes your total up to 126.

You might have done enough to keep yourselves in the game there.

Yeah, well played, Andy, great answer.

He's played by Brad Pitt in the film Troy.

That's the main thing about Achilles.

LAUGHTER Mm, there we go.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Henry, welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Henry?

I am at the University of Winchester

studying ancient, classical and medieval studies.

Jee...! Oh...! Oh...!

You didn't have to remind us of that, Henry,

-and you could've just dazzled us.

-I thought I might as well.

You might as well, you might as well.

The only one I'm not sure about is the last one,

which is the Z one, I don't think I know that.

So it's going to have to be a toss-up between the others

and which I think is the lowest.

I'm going to go for the Carthaginian who went over the mountains

on the elephants, which is Hannibal.

Hannibal, says Henry.

Now, here is your red line.

Get below that red line with Hannibal,

you are through to Round Two.

How many of our 100 people said it?

It's right.

You've done it.

Very good indeed.

Taking your total up to 108.

Well played, Henry, that fell nicely for you.

That's the battle after he'd taken his huge army

-and the elephants over the Alps.

-Oh, OK.

The Romans lost, they say, about 70,000 men in that battle.

It's in what is now Puglia in modern-day Italy.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

-Now, Duncan.

-Yes.

-Hero of Round One last time.

-Thank you, thank you.

-By hero, I mean the high-scorer of last time.

-Thank you.

-Duncan, remind us what you do by day?

I'm also a minister from Dunblane.

You're also attached to a football team?

Yes, Stirling Albion Football Club.

-Do you ever travel with them on the bus?

-I go to every match.

-Every match.

-I go to training every Thursday.

and just have a fantastic time, a great bunch of lads.

And do you interact in a faith way with them?

It's actually just being able to do life with them,

because there's lots of pressures in football.

People don't realise that, you know, guys come under a lot of pressure,

especially if they're not playing.

-Yeah.

-And they just need another guy around that they can talk to.

You don't have to do God stuff - sometimes it comes up -

but just someone to talk to, you know?

That's a good point. Very good.

So, Duncan, you are on 70.

-You have to score 55 or less.

-Yes.

-Talk us through the board.

I know the top one - Julius Caesar.

I'm not really too sure of the second one.

I haven't a clue about the bottom one.

But the Scottish hero who defeated the English

at the Battle of Stirling Bridge

-was William Wallace.

-William Wallace, says Duncan.

Here is your red line. If you can get below that with William Wallace,

you are through to Round Two.

How many of our 100 people said William Wallace?

It's right.

Oh!

Oh, Duncan, 59! 129...

..is your total.

-Oh, but it's a heroic way to go out, though, Duncan.

-It is.

That is the perfect way to leave us, isn't it?

Yeah, William Wallace. It's very unlucky.

Julius Caesar would not have saved you, he scored too many points.

He would have scored 77.

This next answer would have saved you, though.

Surely the most famous Hun of all.

-Attila?

-Attila, yeah, Attila the Hun.

And it would have scored you 44.

And the bottom one is the best answer on the board.

-Even Henry can't get it. And it's...

-I would guess...

I'm just going to pull a name out. Zilla.

-No, it was Zenobia.

-Oh, so close.

-Zenobia.

That would've scored you 3 points.

Zenobia sounds like the sort of thing

you would do a voice-over for on television.

-Ah, medical.

-Just someone going... "Oh... I can't..."

-HE STRAINS

-It goes, "You need Zenobia."

LAUGHTER Hannah and I could do it together.

-Yeah, that'd be great.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Very nice.

You can do the

-"Please follow all the instructions before application".

-Yeah.

-"For external use only."

-"Terms and conditions apply."

Oh, Lordy. Thank you very much. Anyway, sorry, there we are.

So, at the end of our first round,

the pair who we are sending home with their...

Oh, I'm so sorry. It's been two Round Ones.

-We haven't seen enough of you, Duncan and Gary.

-True.

We have not seen enough. Come back in... Duncan, you wear a beard,

-Gary, you take yours off and...

-Sneak in.

-..play under pseudonyms.

We'll never know. But it's been great having you on.

Thank you so much for playing. Duncan and Gary.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three players, it's now time for Round Two.

So we are down to three pairs.

Very well done, everyone,

we made it through that round of warriors.

But Sara and Hannah, our lowest-scoring pair there.

In fact, Hannah, I think you were our lowest individual with 8...

-Wahey!

-..for Leonidas. Very well done indeed.

In a very high-scoring round, I have to say,

that's a standout score, so well done to you.

Anyway, best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two this afternoon is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for the title of any Beatles UK top 40 single,

according to the Official Charts Company,

that contains one of those letters, please. That's up till August 2016.

Thank you very much indeed.

Henry.

OK, er...

My knowledge of the Beatles isn't extensive,

so I'm going to have to go for one of the more obvious ones.

-I'm going to go with Love Me Do.

-Love Me Do, says Henry.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Love Me Do.

It's right.

41.

Not bad.

41 for Love Me Do.

Yeah, the Beatles' first-ever single in 1962.

It got to number 17.

Three different drummers played on different recordings of it.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now, Andy...

I'm going to go for an early one that might not be said.

I'm going to go for Roll Over Beethoven.

Roll Over Beethoven, says Andy. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Roll Over Beethoven.

Ooh.

Bad luck, Andy. I'm afraid that scores you

-100 points, takes your total up to 100.

-Yeah, sorry, Andy.

Not a UK Beatles single, I'm afraid.

Thanks, Richard. Now, then, Hannah.

Ooh, yes, there's a salutary lesson for us all.

Mmm. Erm...

I'm not 100% sure it's a single,

but I'm going to go for Eight Days A Week.

Eight Days A Week, says Hannah.

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

Ooh.

See, that's the difficulty here, isn't it?

I'm afraid another incorrect answer, scores you 100 points.

It's going very well so far, everybody.

-Exemplary work on the letters.

-Oh, yes.

Yeah, they've all been in there, but, yeah, only one single so far.

Right, let's have a look at the scores.

41, the best score of the pass, Henry.

Very well done indeed. Love Me Do was superb,

because then we go up to 100, where we find

Hannah and Sara and Andy and Cherry.

So, Sara and Cherry, I suggest it'll be between the pair of you

to see who stays and who leaves at the end of the round,

so best of luck with that.

We are going to come back down the line.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Sara, in preparation for this little local derby

between the far two podiums...

I really don't know.

You're looking for the name of any Beatles UK top-40 single

that contained one of the letters L, P or S.

I don't even know if this is a track, let alone a single,

but I'm just going to say it anyway.

I Am The Walrus.

I Am The Walrus.

Let's see if it's right, and let's see how many of

our 100 people said I Am The Walrus.

Oh!

I'm afraid another incorrect answer scores you 100 points,

takes your total up to 200.

No, that's an album track, as well, I'm afraid, I Am The Walrus.

Poor Ringo Starr watching this at home.

-I know. Sorry, Ringo.

-Sorry, Ringo.

-I'm sorry.

-Thank you very much indeed. Now, Cherry.

-Hi.

-Cherry.

You have a target here, which is 99 or less.

Erm... I'm not sure if it's an album or a track,

but I'm going to say Yellow Submarine.

-Yellow Submarine, says Cherry.

-It'll probably be quite high.

Here is your red line.

If you get below that with Yellow Submarine,

you are through to the next round.

How many people said Yellow Submarine?

-It's right!

-Yes!

Look at that, it's a single! Down it goes.

50 is what it scores.

Takes your total up to 150.

Very well done indeed.

More importantly, Cherry, you've really made Ringo Starr's day,

-cos that was one of his.

-Hey, hey!

-He's over the moon.

He is suddenly, suddenly really happy.

Yeah, he's kind of going, "I'll tell you who's overrated -

-"Lennon and McCartney." That's what Ringo's saying.

-Yeah.

Thanks very much indeed. Now, then, Dougie.

Good news, you're through. Even if you score 100,

which, on balance, I'm saying is probably the likelihood.

-Thanks for the confidence.

-You are through to the next round.

No, I'm just saying statistically -

nothing to do with your Beatles know-how.

What would you like to go for?

To be honest, considering what's gone before,

I'll probably find out it is an album track now,

but I'll stand by my original answer, which was Yesterday.

Yesterday, says Dougie. Yesterday.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Yesterday.

No red line, for the lovely reason that you're already through.

It's right.

Look at that. Down to 16.

Our lowest score of the round by quite a margin.

Very well done indeed, Dougie, taking your total up to 57.

Very well played. I'll take you through all the low-scorers

before we get to the pointless answers.

There are four pointless answers out there.

You'd have got ten points for A Hard Day's Night.

8 for Lady Madonna. 7 for Paperback Writer.

6 for I Want To Hold Your Hand.

3 points for Something, Can't Buy Me Love.

You'd have got 2 points for Day Tripper,

Back In The USSR and I Feel Fine.

You'd have got 1 point for Free As A Bird, The Ballad Of John And Yoko,

Magical Mystery Tour EP and Hello, Goodbye.

Four Pointless answers. Let's take a look at them.

Ain't She Sweet.

Baby It's You and Real Love, which were the ones released in the '90s.

And goodness me, very well done if you said The Beatles Movie Medley,

which was a top-ten hit from 1982.

I'll take you through other scorers.

Yellow Submarine was the biggest scorer of all.

You'd have got 11 for All You Need Is Love,

17, Strawberry Fields Forever, 19, Penny Lane,

20 for Let It Be and She Loves You,

23 for Eleanor Rigby,

36 for Please Please Me,

and Help would've scored you 41.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So we are at the end of our second round.

We have to say goodbye to one of our pairs, and that pair, oh...

-I know.

-It's the stars of Round One. I can't believe it, Sara and Hannah.

-It's a game of two halves.

-Yeah.

Very much. And the 200 club is now yours.

-I feel proud, if anything.

-Yes.

-Yeah.

-You have entry to that august shed.

-Illustrious.

Anyway, it's been lovely having you on.

We'll see you again next time, Sara and Hannah. Thanks very much.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Dougie and Henry, Cherry and Andy.

You are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our

jackpot, which currently stands at £2,000.

Well, this is exciting. We've made it to the head-to-head,

which means you can now confer before you give your answers.

In this round, the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Dougie and Henry, you've gone one step better than last time.

You were here in the head-to-head,

but you are now our low-scoring pair, so well done.

Cherry and Andy, I'm going to say it's been a mixed career in points.

-Yeah, just scraped through.

-You had a couple of "phew!" moments.

-Roll Over Beethoven, Andy.

-Yeah.

-Works in a record shop.

ALEXANDER CLEARS THROAT Um...

-I know, I'll never live it down.

-That was unfair to bring up.

But, yes, best of luck to both pairs.

Let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

Richard.

Yeah, the great Steve Backshall does a lovely show on CBBC where he tries

to track down the 60 deadliest creatures in the world.

We're going to show you pictures of five of those creatures now.

Can you tell us what they are, please?

Thank you very much. Let's reveal our five deadly creatures,

and here they are. We've got...

There we are, five deadly creatures. Dougie and Henry, you will go first.

-WHISPERS:

-Dart frog is B.

-WHISPERS:

-Go for it, then. Do what you think's best.

-I only know D.

-You only know D?

-I know D, so go with...

-I don't know E or C.

Go with whatever you're comfortable with.

OK, I know a few of them.

I can't get what the second word of E is, so I'm going to go B,

which I think is the poison dart frog.

Poison dart frog.

OK, now, then, Cherry and Andy, can you talk us through that board?

A is redback spider.

C...I know it's an eel, but I can't... I'm not sure what.

-D is Komodo dragon.

-Komodo dragon.

-Yeah?

-We'll go for D, Komodo dragon.

-Komodo dragon.

So, we have poison dart frog, and we have Komodo dragon.

Dougie and Henry went for poison dart frog.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that for B.

It's right.

14.

That's a good score.

Now, Cherry and Andy, have gone for Komodo dragon for D.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Komodo dragon.

It's right.

60 for Komodo dragon.

That means, Dougie and Henry, after one question, you are up 1-0.

You know, two of our 100 said "kimono dragon", by the way,

which is less good.

A, you're quite right, is the redback spider.

Not a bad score for that - 23 points.

You find them in Australia, amongst other places.

C, it's certainly an eel.

-Cinder?

-Conger eel.

-Oh, it's a conger...

-Absolutely. Would have scored 42.

-Great fun at wedding parties.

-Yes! LAUGHTER

-LAUGHS:

-Now...this one is a tough one.

Everyone at home is just very good at filling in words.

-Yeah.

-You can all see it's "giant".

-"Giant".

-But what is it?

-"Scalapendra"!

-It's almost exactly right. Scolopendra.

-No!

The giant scolopendra is exactly right.

-No! I had scalapendra, but, yeah...

-Oh, I wouldn't have given it to you.

No, I think I would have done.

And giant scolopendra would have been a pointless answer.

It's a poisonous centipede.

-They hang off cave walls and eat bats.

-Oh, no.

-Yeah.

-Even our friends, the wombat?

-Even... No, not wombats.

Wombats are the only bats that are safe from the giant scolopendra.

-Oh, phew.

-They're 70-foot long.

-LAUGHTER

They're not. They're not. Scary if they were.

Scary. They're scary enough.

-Yeah, they are scary.

-I don't like that.

Lovely sort of lacquer finish, though.

Oh, it looks beautiful.

-If you had that on a brooch, you'd be very happy.

-Very!

-But if you had it on your ceiling, you'd be less happy.

-Less happy.

Unless you had a bat problem, in which case, you'd be happy.

Thank you very much indeed.

So here comes your second question, Cherry and Andy.

You get to answer first,

but you have to win to stay in the game, so best of luck.

Our second question today is all about...

-Oh...

-Copenhagen.

Yeah, simply five clues now to facts about Copenhagen.

Who can...? Oh, we said it differently.

-Kobenhavn.

-Kobenhavn...is how it should be, really.

-Yeah, really.

-Which is the most obscure answer?

There we are. OK, let's reveal our five facts, and here they are.

I'm going to read those all again.

There we are. Cherry and Andy will go first.

-Which one?

-Erm...

-Do you want me to go for...?

-You pick. I don't know.

I think...I'm going to go for the harbour sculpture.

I think it's The Little Mermaid.

The Little Mermaid, say Cherry and Andy. The Little Mermaid.

Now then, Dougie and Henry, do you want to talk us through that board?

-The country is Denmark.

-Yeah.

The only other one we know...

Well, I don't know about you,

but the only one I know is the footballer.

-Peter Schmeichel.

-Peter Schmeichel.

-So I think we're going to go for that one?

-Yeah.

You'll go for Peter Schmeichel.

So we have the Little Mermaid, and Peter Schmeichel.

Cherry and Andy said The Little Mermaid.

Let's see how many of our 100 people went for The Little Mermaid.

It's right.

Not bad at all.

30 for The Little Mermaid.

Meanwhile, Dougie and Hendry have gone for Peter Schmeichel.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how of 100 people said Peter Schmeichel.

It is Peter Schmeichel.

And it wins. Look at that!

Peter Schmeichel. That's 19. Very well done indeed.

And that means, Dougie and Henry, after only two questions,

you are through to the final 2-0.

Yeah, very nicely played.

Absolutely right about Denmark, at the top there.

That would've scored you too many points.

That's 53. Now, this second one,

it's something we've heard of in the UK.

I'm sure...

-It's the Tivoli Gardens.

-Ah!

That would've scored you 11 points.

And now, the Palace...

I... Is it Frederiksborg?

-It's not.

-Oh, that's annoying.

It is Amalienborg, Amalienborg Palace.

Very well done if you said that, it is a pointless answer.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So the pair leaving us at the end of the round,

Cherry and Andy, I'm so sorry.

You did very well to get through to the head-to-head.

Nothing wrong with either of your answers.

I thought The Little Mermaid was going to win that one for you,

but Peter Schmeichel was slightly more elusive than I anticipated.

But we'll see you again next time - look forward to that very much.

In the meantime, thanks so much, Cherry and Andy.

But for Dougie and Henry, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations Dougie and Henry.

You have seen off all the competition,

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

And at the end of today, the jackpot is standing at £2,000.

There we are.

Well, do you know what? It's been a faultless performance.

Very solid, very consistent.

Last time, you made it to the head-to-head

as not the lowest-scoring couple.

This time, you made it through as the lowest-scoring couple.

This time you are through 2-0, which is incredibly impressive.

What would you like to see come up on the board?

-Geography, flags.

-Flags would be pretty good.

I'd like comic books or anime, or something like that...

OK, well, you know what happens.

-Four things go up on the board...

-Yeah.

Sometimes they look quite forbidding.

Behind each one there's usually something that you can have a go at.

-Let's just hope it's something that you really like.

-Yeah.

We will see what today's choice looks like.

-"The" Books?

-Yeah, that's probably the best bet.

-Go with books, then?

-Yeah.

-I think we're going to go with "The" Books.

-"The" Books.

-Yeah.

-Very brave.

-OK, very best of luck.

We are looking for any novel published up to

the beginning of September 2016, please,

by Roald Dahl that has the word "the" in its title,

by John le Carre that has the word "the" in the title,

or any Man Booker Prize-winning book with "the" in the title.

So, Roald Dahl, John le Carre completed novels, please,

or any Booker Prize winning novel with "the" in the title.

Very best of luck.

Ooh, that's paid off, I think. At least I hope it has.

Well, anyway, as always, you've up to one minute

to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers

-to be pointless. Are you ready?

-Yeah.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

So, Roald Dahl?

You've got The Twits, you've got The BFG,

-you've got James And The Giant Peach.

-That's... Oh, yes.

-Do you know anything of John le Carre?

-John le Carre...

Which is the one about Roald Dahl's life?

Boy... Something about a boy.

John le Carre, I don't know.

-Booker Prize?

-Booker Prize...

Cos if we don't know anything, we may as well go back to Roald Dahl.

I don't know, really.

Probably worth going back to Roald Dahl, to be honest.

James And The Giant Peach might not be as obvious.

-Because of "the".

-Yeah.

-Trying to think... The BFG...

-Got anything better?

The Twits... The Witches.

Go for that. Don't go for The Twits.

-No, The Twits is too obvious.

-Anything else?

-There is one about Roald Dahl's life growing up...

-10 seconds left.

..but I can't remember what it was called.

Probably doesn't have a "the" in it.

-Any of his adult...?

-I don't know any of his adult stuff.

So The Witches, BFG, and James And The Giant Peach?

Can go for that. None of them will be pointless.

OK, that is your time up. I'm afraid I now need your three answers.

If you can say which category you're answering, that'll be great.

We're going to go with Roald Dahl books,

I think... Yeah, I think all of them are from that.

We're going to go with James And The Giant Peach...

James And The Giant Peach.

-The Witches.

-The Witches.

-The Witches.

-And...

-The Big Friendly Giant.

-The BFG.

-And The BFG.

Of those three, which is your best shot at a pointless answer?

James And The Giant Peach, or The Witches?

Hopefully James And The Giant Peach, cos it's not at the beginning...

OK, yeah, we'll put that there.

-I don't think...

-Least likely to be pointless?

-BFG.

-BFG, probably.

-OK, well, let's put those on the board

in that order, then, and here they are.

We have got The BFG, The Witches, and James And The Giant Peach.

Well, very good luck. Three good answers on the board there.

Now, if one of these turns out to be pointless and wins you that jackpot,

what would you like to do with it, £2,000, Dougie?

Well, I'm a student, so funds are generally quite tight.

However, I do have family in Africa who I'd like to try and visit.

Very good indeed. Henry?

My choir is going to Poland next year

so it'll go towards that, probably.

Will be my last course, so...

Well, two lovely things to spend your money on.

Let's hope one of these answers wins that jackpot for you.

Your first answer was The BFG.

In all three cases, we are looking for Roald Dahl books

with a "the" in the title.

If The BFG is pointless, it will win you £2,000.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The BFG.

Well, it's right.

It just has to go all the way down to zero

and you can leave you with £2,000.

Down we go through the 40s, into the 30...

Oh, 40.

We stop on 40 for The BFG.

As you say, there's been a big BFG film recently,

so I guess it's quite at the forefront of people's minds.

-There is a Witches film as well.

-Your next answer was The Witches.

Again, it's a Roald Dahl book with "the" in the title.

It will win you £2,000 if it's pointless.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said The Witches.

Well, it's right.

The BFG took us all the way down to 40.

The Witches now takes us...

..past 40, down we go,

through the 20s, into the teens...

Still going down,

13 for The Witches. This is exciting.

All moving in the right direction, guys.

Let's hope your third and final answer

can take you all the way down to zero.

You've gone for James And The Giant Peach.

Again, we're looking for Roald Dahl books with "the" in the title.

This was your most confident shot at a pointless answer.

Let's see if it is pointless.

As you say, the "the" isn't at the beginning,

-so maybe people didn't think of it.

-Yeah, hopefully.

Let's hope it's pointless - it'll win you £2,000 if it is.

Let's see how many people said James And The Giant Peach.

It's right.

Well, we went down to 40 with The BFG,

The Witches took us all the way down to 13,

James And The Giant Peach passes 40.

Down we go into the teens...

Oh, it's 18.

Well, three good answers there, nothing wrong with any of those.

Nice low scores for nearly all of them.

Annoyingly, though, we didn't find that pointless answer you needed,

so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £2,000.

That will roll over onto the next show.

But such a strong performance across two shows,

very consistent low scores from you, so very well done.

And you get a Pointless trophy to take home in recognition of that,

so well done, Dougie and Henry.

Yeah, unlucky, gents.

Very gettable answers in all three categories here, I think.

We'll start with Roald Dahl books.

The Giraffe And The Pelly And Me, a pointless answer -

it's got two "the"s in it as well.

The Gremlins, The Magic Finger, The Minpins.

Also could've had The Enormous Crocodile,

and The Vicar Of Nibbleswick as well.

All of those were pointless answers.

Very well done if you got one of those.

John le Carre, my favourite author.

I've just reread this first one, Call For The Dead.

Such a great book, his first novel.

You also could've had The Looking Glass War - that's my favourite.

The Mission Song, The Naive And Sentimental Lover,

and The Secret Pilgrim. Those are the eight pointless answers there.

And Man Booker prizes - four enormous-selling novels here.

Bring Up The Bodies by Hilary Mantel,

Margaret Atwood's The Blind Assassin.

Loads and loads of big novels here. The God Of Small Things.

Everything that's ever won the Booker Prize

with "the" in the title, apart from The White Tiger,

The Narrow Road To The Deep North, and The Sea, The Sea,

everything else was a pointless answer,

so very well done if you got one at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard, and thank you, Dougie and Henry.

I'm sorry you didn't manage to win the jackpot today.

That means it rolls over onto the next show,

when we will be playing for £3,000.

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

APPLAUSE