Episode 52 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the game where we aim for the obscure

and we ignore the obvious. Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

Hi, I'm Lynne from Warrington,

and this is my good friend Helen from Leeds.

-Couple number two.

-I'm James, I'm from Bury in Lancashire.

This is my friend Tony, who's living in East Kilbride,

but he's originally from Salford.

-Couple number three.

-Hi, I'm Soph, this is my twin brother Tom.

We're both from Leighton Buzzard.

And, finally, number four.

Hi, Xander, I'm Nic, this is my daughter Kalmia,

we're from Bournemouth.

And these are today's contestants.

Thank you very much, all of you.

A very warm welcome to the show. Lovely to have you with us.

We'll have a chance to chat a little bit more

throughout the show as it goes along.

So, that just leaves one more person for me to introduce.

He has a brain the size of a planet

and feet the size of the Lake District.

It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

Hiya. Hi, everybody. Hiya.

-Afternoon to you, sir.

-Afternoon.

-How are you?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-Excellent.

Welcoming back two pairs, our twins on podium three, there,

Soph and Tom, welcome back, and Helen and Lynne,

they were on podium one last time as well.

-I know! Same podium.

-I know. Lynne led us off last time,

and, sometimes, if you're on podium one and you lead us off,

people get 100 points. Which did not happen,

it didn't happen in that case. She got 97 points.

So, knocked out in Round One.

Hopefully we'll see a lot more of you this time.

Now, James has come to us from Bury, and, of course,

one of our finalists, Harry and Paul, last time, were from Bury,

and took home the jackpot to Bury as well.

They're going to bury it? Is that what they're...?

-Yes, they've taken home the jackpot to bury...in Oldham.

-Yeah!

That's what they're doing. But, yeah, so, maybe

-two Bury winners in a row, you never know.

-That would be nice.

Thank you very much. Well, Paul and Harry won the jackpot last time,

so today's jackpot starts off back at £1,000, there it is.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So, at the end of each round,

the pair with the highest score will be eliminated.

That's how it's going to work.

So, keep your scores nice and low and you have nothing to worry about.

Best of luck to all four pairs.

Our first category today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second,

and whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Richard?

-On each board,

we're going to show you seven clues to people who've famously broken

records in sport or adventure.

Can you tell us who they are, please?

-Adventure records.

-Adventure records.

I like that. Thank you very much.

OK, let's reveal our first board of clues.

And here they are. All record breakers of one kind or another.

I'm going to read those all again.

Well, Helen, welcome back.

Remind us what you do, Helen.

-I'm a GP.

-You are a GP, and when not being a GP, what do you get up to?

Um, I like music, I like going to see live music.

And you're a pianist, we discovered.

And I play the piano, I wouldn't say I'm a pianist!

Oh, no, I think you can say you're a pianist, can't you?

-Yes, what sort of music do you like going to see?

-Um, all sorts.

So, last year, I've seen Florence And The Machine,

Stone Roses,

Fleetwood Mac...

Wow! That must have been exciting. Fleetwood Mac, where did you see them?

-At Leeds Arena.

-Fantastic. Now, Helen,

we're going to see you well beyond Round One this time, think.

How do you like this board?

Um, I only know three of them.

I'm going to go for the top one, I think it's Michael Phelps.

Michael Phelps, says Helen.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Michael Phelps.

It's right.

Look at that, 35 for Michael Phelps.

Very well done indeed.

Yeah, at his first Games in 2000, didn't win a single medal.

And he's picked up since then.

He has a bit, yeah! I mean, 23 golds...

Yeah, it's a lot of gold medals. He doesn't wear them all at once.

-Well, he wouldn't, he'd be like BA Baracus.

-Unless he's on a date.

-Yeah.

-On a first date sometimes he will.

And he'll go, "Oh, what, these?

"Sorry, I didn't realise I had them on.

-"Let me talk you through them..."

-Wow.

-Yeah.

-There you go, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Now, James, welcome to Pointless, good to have you here.

-What do you do, James?

-I'm a communications officer.

In what sort of communications?

Well, most recently in social housing.

So, I used to put together magazines for social housing residents

and also looked after the internal communications

at the company as well.

I see, very good. And what are your hobbies, James?

I'm a big football fan. I'm a season ticket holder at Bury, in League 1.

And I've written a book about the club as well, so I do enjoy writing.

So, you take Bury very, very, very seriously.

Are you sort of honoured as a kind of archivist of the club?

Um, I wouldn't say that exactly, but the book has sold quite well,

and it was all about one particular season in the club's history,

and I had to track down 15 players who played for the club in 1985,

to various points around the world.

Wow. Very good. Well, congratulations.

James, what would you like to go for on the board?

I think the Oscar-winning French ocean explorer

who lived underwater for 30 days in 1963 is Jacques Cousteau.

Jacques Cousteau, says James.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Jacques Cousteau.

It's right.

43 for Jacques Cousteau.

His record, that record, was beaten in 2014.

So, you'd think he'd be gutted, but it was beaten by his grandson.

-Oh, that's nice.

-That's nice, isn't it? Fabien Cousteau.

Thank you, Richard. Tom, welcome back.

Now, head-to-head last time.

-Yes.

-Very impressive.

Remind us what you do, Tom.

I'm an online sales consultant for a furniture retailer.

Nice, and do you get a lot... How much is online consulting

and how much time do you get for a bit of chitchat?

Depends how busy it is.

If my manager's watching, no time for chitchat!

No, it's... Quiet periods, you can kind of put your feet...

Not up, but off the pedal a bit.

There's a pedal?!

-Oh, it's a very complicated process.

-Sounds like it! Tom,

what would you like to go for on our board of record breakers here?

Um, I wish I knew more.

Um, I'm going to go between two, just a bit of damage limitation,

and go for the rower who won his fifth consecutive gold,

and that was Sir Steve Redgrave.

Steve Redgrave, says Tom.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said that.

It's right. 43 is the high score, 35's the low.

54 is the new high score.

54 for Steve Redgrave.

Yeah, also won Sports Personality Of The Year. He asked a question

for us, didn't he, on our Sports Personality Of The Year Special?

-He did, Sir Steve.

-Sir Steve!

Very nice.

Thank you, Richard. Now, then, Nic, welcome.

Very good to have you here, Nic.

-What do you do?

-I'm a tutor

at Bournemouth University International College.

-What do you "tute"?

-I tute language,

I tute academic skills and I tute tourism and hospitality management

to international students coming into the country,

entering British universities.

Oh, that's nice. And showing them some hospitality at the same time?

Yes, trying to!

Very good. Now, Nic, this board's all yours.

How would you feel about filling in all the blanks for us?

Um, I don't know the cyclist.

Usain Bolt is clearly the sprinter.

I would like to take a punt on the very last one,

but, at this early stage,

I'm going to go with the third one,

the tennis player, John Isner.

John Isner. Just for fun, tell us what WC you would have gone for.

Wilt Chamberlain.

OK, well, you've gone for John Isner, though,

for the tennis player.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said John Isner.

It is right.

ISNER wrong!

Come on!

Oh, look at that, 13, very well done indeed, Nic.

13.

Very strong indeed.

Yeah, well played, Nic, it's a terrific answer.

It really will never, ever be seen again, I suspect,

70-68 in that final set.

The final set alone had more games than any other entire match

in the history of Wimbledon. It was absolutely unbelievable.

It was amazing to watch, it was compelling.

Hypnotic. Now,

the WC, I was thinking,

is it Wilt Chamberlain or Walt Chamberlain?

And it is Wilt Chamberlain. Would have scored you one point.

Would have been a terrific answer.

-But at least everyone knows you knew.

-Yup.

Usain Bolt scores more than that, of course.

He would have scored you 65 points.

And there is a pointless answer up there.

Very well done if you knew. It's Juliana Buhring.

-Juliana Buhring.

-There we are. Thank you very much indeed.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

13, Nic, look at that. Fabulous low score, the best of the round.

Then we travel up to 35,

where we find Helen and Lynne.

Up to 43, James and Tony.

Then up to 54, Tom and Soph.

A little bit ahead there, Soph.

So, is this

a good category for you?

-Not really.

-Good. Well, best of luck

with the next pass. We're going to come back down the line now.

Can the second players please step up to the podium?

Let's put seven more record breakers up on the board,

and here they come. We have got...

I'll read them all again.

Now then, Kalmia, welcome to Pointless,

-good to have you here.

-Thank you.

-What do you do?

I'm a flight attendant.

Very nice indeed.

How long have you done that for?

Since 2010, so about...

-Yeah, a while.

-That's a good while.

-And you clearly like it.

-Yes.

-You do long haul, or a mixture of...?

A bit of both, bit of everything, yeah.

And do you get to have a kip on long haul flights?

It depends where you're going.

It can range from...eight hours to four days.

-So...

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-I imagine...

Yes, I mean, it is a very long time to be...to be in charge.

Four days would be a long time

-to not have any sleep.

-Yeah.

-Wouldn't it?

-That is a long time.

-That is a long time.

It's a long flight as well.

Well, a lot of people like to fly several times around before landing, don't they?

-Yes. Yeah.

-Now, Kalmia, brilliant low score from Nic

in the first pass. There you are on 13.

40 or less is your target.

This isn't great, to be honest.

I only confidently -

well, I THINK confidently, know one,

it's the British runner who broke the women's world record

at the 2003 London Marathon,

-I'll go Paula Radcliffe.

-Paula Radcliffe, says Kalmia.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said

Paula Radcliffe. Here is your red line -

get below that, you're through to the next round.

How many people said Paula Radcliffe?

Not bad, 42.

Takes your total up to 55.

Good enough, I'd say.

Well played, Kalmia. Yeah, that should keep you safe and sound.

She was on the show, wasn't she,

-when Steve Redgrave asked the question?

-Yeah, she was.

That was nice.

Thank you very much indeed. Now, Soph...

-Yes.

-Soph, welcome back. Remind us what you do.

-I'm a barmaid.

-At the Golden Bell.

-At the Golden Bell.

-Don't tell me you don't know the Golden Bell!

-Everyone knows there.

What's your nearest rival pub?

Don't say its name, obviously!

-It's the Black Lion.

-Oh, the Black Lion!

I mean, it's obvious which is the goodie pub

-and which is the baddie pub.

-Golden Bell...

-Exactly.

SCARY VOICE: The Black Lion!

-Oh...

-Rivals, oh!

Soph, now, ideally, to remain in the game,

you will find a pointless answer.

Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen.

I know the cricketer.

I'm sure he even turned on our Christmas lights one year.

I just can't think of his last name.

So, I'm going to have to go for Roger Bannister,

for the athlete who ran a mile.

OK, Roger Bannister. Here is your red line...

I mean, you're not going to see it, it's there.

It's a pointless red line.

In more ways than one!

But let's see how many of our 100 people said Roger Bannister.

It is Roger Bannister.

And it scores you 46.

Takes your total rather neatly up to 100 there.

Yeah, he was 25 years old at the time, Roger Bannister.

The record now is 17 seconds quicker than that.

About 3:43, Hicham El Guerrouj.

Although that's been there for 17 years.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Tony, welcome to Pointless,

very good to have you here with us.

What do you do, Tony?

-I'm a travel agent, Xander.

-And where do you do

-your travel agenting?

-I work in

a travel agent's in the city centre of Glasgow.

Oh, that's nice.

I love the idea of there being still travel agencies. It's much nicer to talk to someone.

-It's all up here.

-Exactly, Tony.

Who needs the internet when it's all up here?

What are your interests? Well, travel, I've got to guess?

Yeah, travel. Generally I don't have interests,

but having two young children...

..basically now I spend my time pointing at things, saying,

"Why's that left on? Why's this open?

"Who's watching... Why's that on full bung?"

That sort of thing. They're my hobbies these days.

-In fact...

-Oh, that's nice.

..I won't be in when this is on, so, kids,

can one of you go upstairs and turn the bathroom light off,

and another one go and turn the bedroom lights off?

Dad'll be home in a minute.

The travel agency won't even let you home to watch Pointless,

that's just... Working your fingers to the bone there, Tony!

Now, there you are on 43,

that was the score from James in the first pass.

100 is the high score

from Soph and Tom.

56 or less

is what you're aiming for.

I know most of them.

And will I know the cross-Channel swimmer's first name

when you say it, I just can't put my finger on it.

But I'm going to say the cricketer.

-Alastair Cook.

-Alastair Cook, says Tony.

Here is your red line, if you can get below this red line

with Alastair Cook, you are through to the next round.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Alastair Cook.

56 is what you need.

And you've done it, very well done indeed.

Down it goes. Oh, down with room to spare.

Down to 19.

Second lowest scorer of the round

so far, Tony, very well done.

-62 is your total.

-Well played, Tony.

The second youngest batsman to reach 5,000 runs after Tendulkar

and the youngest to reach 10,000 runs.

There we are. Now, Lynne,

welcome back to Pointless. Remind us what you do, Lynne.

I'm a partner in an insight and innovation agency.

Innovation agency.

That is what we discovered last time.

-Yes.

-What sort of innovations

have we had so far this year?

Well, we tend to help brands with, you know,

developing new products or services.

So, crisps... Different flavours of crisps.

-So, you put your heads together and you think...

-We help them...

-..chewing gum and mothballs!

-..put their heads together.

-Flavour combinations.

-Yes.

Interesting, very interesting.

Now, there you are, 35 is your score,

100 is the high score from Soph and Tom.

64 or less is what we need from you.

-Would you like to talk us through the board, Lynne?

-Yes, um...

Well, Richard Branson...

I think it's Matthew Webb, and, again, I was going to...

I think it's Randolph Fiennes.

I don't know the World Cup at all.

I'm going to go for Matthew Webb.

Matthew Webb. Well, it's in there.

-Surely, surely Matthew Webb.

-I've tried.

-You've tried, exactly.

There is your red line,

if you get below that red line with Matthew Webb, you are into Round Two.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Matthew Webb, is it right?

It is Matthew Webb.

And you're in Round Two.

Look at that, four, the lowest score of the round,

takes your total up to 39, the lowest total of the round.

-Very well done indeed.

-Well played, Lynne, great answer.

Richard Branson, it would have been more exciting

if you'd said Richard Branson, because you'd be through

-by one point if you had.

-Oh, wow!

Because he would have scored you 64 points.

The British explorer, Ranulph Fiennes.

Would have scored 24.

And the Brazilian footballer, also five times in a row

the World Player of the Year, Marta.

Very well done if you said that, it's the best answer on the board.

-Two points for that.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, we are at the end of our first round, and I'm afraid we have to say

goodbye to Soph and Tom, our head-to-head playing couple

-from last time.

-We peaked too soon!

I'm so sorry. Well, nothing wrong with either of your answers,

they were just a little bit high-scoring.

Well, just a little bit higher scoring than everyone else's.

It's been lovely having you, thank you so much,

-Soph and Tom.

-Thank you for having us.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And, so, three pairs remain at the end of this round,

we'll have to say goodbye to another pair.

Well, Lynne, the lowest individual scorer of that round,

and Lynne and Helen actually the lowest combined score,

so very well done indeed. But best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is...

Can you all decide in your pairs

who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

-Country Borders, Richard?

-Yeah, if only we had a travel agent,

a flight attendant and a professor of tourism on the show today!

In a moment, Xander's going to show you the names of five countries

all beginning with C, we're looking for any country that borders

one of the countries you're about to see, please. As always, by country,

we mean a sovereign state that's a member of the UN in its own right.

OK, as Richard just said, we're going to put five countries up

on the board. They will remain there for the whole round,

we won't be changing countries halfway through.

You just have to think of any country that borders,

shares a border, with one of these five countries,

and here they are. We have got...

I'm going to read those again.

Helen, over to you.

I'm going to go for Sierra Leone.

OK, let us see

how many of our 100 people said Sierra Leone,

let's see if it's right.

Bad luck, Helen,

I'm afraid not Sierra Leone,

that scores you 100 points.

Yeah, it's not far off, though, actually, it's in the same area,

-but it doesn't border, I'm afraid.

-Thank you very much indeed.

James?

Um, not a great round for me, but I think it's a sovereign state,

so I'm going to say Singapore.

Singapore, says James. Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said Singapore.

No. Bad luck, I'm afraid,

another incorrect answer, scores 100 points.

-Richard?

-Yes, sorry, not Singapore,

doesn't share a land border with any of those, I'm afraid.

Thank you very much indeed.

Now, Kalmia?

Um, I've got a few sort of in mind,

but I'm going to play with Mongolia.

Mongolia, good thing to play with.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Mongolia.

It's right.

There we are, down to 27,

very well done indeed, Kalmia.

Well played, Kalmia. It shares over 4,000km of border with China.

Thank you very much, Richard. We're halfway through the round,

let's take a look at the scores. Only two scores between

the three pairs - 27 is our really top, low score there,

very well done, Kalmia and Nic. Looking strong on the back of that.

Then, James and Tony and Helen and Lynne,

there you all are, all drawn on 100.

So, yes, let's see what happens in the next pass.

Whatever happens, we need a low score from you, though.

Good luck with that. We're going to come back down the line now,

can the second players please step up to the podium?

OK, so, Nic,

any country that shares a land border

with any of these five countries.

On the basis of Kalmia's answer, I'm going to play it a bit safe,

I'm afraid, and I'm going to go Vietnam.

Vietnam, says Nic. Here is your red line,

if you can score 72 or less,

you're straight through to the next round.

How many of our 100 people said Vietnam?

Well done, you're through.

Down to ten,

very good indeed.

Taking your total up to 37.

Not mucking about on that final podium today, are they?

Very well done. Yeah, that shares over 1,000 kilometres

-of border with China.

-Thanks, Richard.

Now then, Tony?

Hi, Xander. Right...

Do I go safe...

..or do I try and roll the dice?

I think I'll try and roll the dice

and say Laos.

Laos, says Tony.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Laos.

No red line for you, obviously, as you're joint high-scorers.

It's right.

Well, our lowest individual score so far has been ten.

You score four.

Very good indeed. Down to four, taking your total up to 104.

Great work, Tony. Yeah, another one that borders China,

400km of land border.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now then, Lynne. You have to score three or less.

Yes. I've got a few safe.

I'm going to have to take a risk.

-Go for Malawi.

-Malawi, says Lynne.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Malawi.

Here is your red line.

It's quite low!

Let's see if you can do it - Malawi?

No, bad luck.

Bad luck, I'm afraid that is incorrect, scores you 100 points.

-Takes your total up to 200.

-Too far south, I'm afraid,

but you had to take a risk. I'll go through some of the answers

that would have seen you through, so anything that would have

scored you three or fewer.

Cote d'Ivoire, you would have got one point for Guinea,

one point for Burkina Faso.

Colombia, you'd have got three points for Panama.

For China, Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan were both pointless answers,

very well done if you said one of them. And for Chad,

you'd have got a pointless answer for Cameroon,

and Libya would have scored you four points as well.

Czech Republic, all the answers are pretty big.

Germany, the best answer with 20, Poland 21, Austria 23, Slovakia 28.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard. So, at the end of our second round

the pair we have to say goodbye to, with their high score of 200 -

I'm so sorry, Lynne and Helen.

Our returning pairs just falling by the wayside,

I'm sorry to say.

But it's been lovely having you with us,

I'm sorry we have to say goodbye now,

but great contestants, Lynne and Helen.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, it's now time for our head-to-head.

Congratulations, Kalmia and Nic, James and Tony,

you are now one step closer to the final and a chance to play for our

jackpot, which currently stands at £1,000.

The big news is you're now in the head-to-head,

this means you can confer before you give your answers,

and, in this round, the first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot.

Best of luck to both pairs, let's play the head-to-head.

Here is your first question, and it concerns...

-Richard?

-We're going to show you five stills now from horror films...

-Aahh!

-I know.

-It'll be fine, you don't have to look.

-OK.

-You can look away.

Can you tell us the names of the films, please?

OK, let's reveal our five horror stills,

and here they are, good luck.

There we are, five horror films.

Kalmia and Nic, you will go first.

-NIC:

-Oh, do we hate this!

There's one absolute certainty, but

I'm tempted with a punt.

Just go one of them.

I'm going with D, The Omen.

The Omen for D, say Kalmia and Nic.

Now, James and Tony, what would you like to go for?

That was one of

our certainties as well.

But James is convinced

he knows what C is.

I'm going to take a punt on C,

and I think it's called The Others.

The Others, say James and Tony for C.

So, we have The Omen and The Others. Kalmia and Nic

said The Omen for D, let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

Come on!

40.

40 for The Omen. Now, James and Tony have gone for The Others for C.

Let's see if that's right,

let's see how many of our 100 people said The Others.

It is right.

And it wins you the point, very well done indeed.

Down to 20.

And that means, after one question,

James and Tony, you are up 1-0.

Yeah, well played, James, that's Nicole Kidman there in The Others.

That's your first-ever film role, wasn't it, The Omen?

You're looking very good there.

-Thank you!

-It's lovely, you should

-wear that hat more often.

-It still fits.

-Yeah, I bet it does.

-It's elasticated at the back.

Now, A, I think, everybody avoided,

quite rightly. It's Psycho.

Would have scored you 61 points.

B, a more recent film, it's so scary!

And it's The Babadook.

The Babadook. Don't watch that film!

-I'm scared...

-Just four points.

-..just by that! Argh!

-I know.

But also, Hollywood are so brilliant at casting children

-in horror films. There's a certain look to them.

-Yes.

-No spoilers!

-That's a horror child look, isn't it?

It is a horror child look.

Um, and the last one is...

-Nosferatu!

-Nosferatu,

and that would have scored you 24 points.

Thank you very much indeed.

So, here comes your second question, and, yes,

Kalmia and Nic, you have to win this one

although James and Tony get to answer it first.

So, good luck. Our second question is all about...

LAUGHTER Richard?

We're going to give you the set-ups to five fruit and veg based jokes,

and alternate letters of the punch lines.

Can you tell us what those punch lines are, please?

-Sophistication!

-This is going to be fun!

OK, let's reveal our gags, and here they come.

James and Tony, what would you like to go for?

We think we'll go for "What happens when you step on grapes?"

"They whine."

"They whine"!

OK. Now, then, Kalmia and Nic.

I think the top one's "Muscle sprouts."

"A pair of slippers",

"A hoarse radish",

and "Because they cantaloupe."

-"Hoarse radish"?

-"Hoarse radish."

-"A hoarse radish."

"A hoarse radish." So we have "They whine", and we have

"A hoarse radish." James and Tony went for "They whine",

let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

42.

42. Kalmia and Nic have gone for "A hoarse radish,"

let's see how many of our 100 people went for that.

It's right. 42 is what it has to beat,

and it does!

12.

Well done, Kalmia and Nic, back in the game.

Exactly what we needed there.

After two questions it's 1-1.

Yeah, you chose the best scorer as well, so well played.

"Muscle sprouts"

would have scored you 27.

"A pair of slippers..."

..would have scored you 47,

and "Because they cantaloupe..."

..that would have scored you 25.

There we are. Thank you very much, Richard.

So, it all comes down to the third question.

Whoever wins this one goes through to the final to play

for that jackpot. Best of luck to both pairs.

Our third question today is all about...

LAUGHTER

I thought we were having a little bit too much fun,

what with all the joking and everything.

I thought it was a bit much, so you'll have a proper...

-Yes.

-..proper subject now.

Five clues to facts about pencils.

OK? And the most obscure answer sees you through to the jackpot round,

this is how it should be. If it was up to me,

every question would be about pencils, just so you know.

It's the BBC by and large that overrule me.

I'd have had five pictures of pencils,

then five jokes about pencils and then five facts about pencils.

And Round Two would all have been about the states

that border Pencil-vania.

Let's reveal our five clues to facts about pencils,

and here they are.

I will read those all again.

Now, Kalmia and Nic will go first.

THEY CONFER

-I know the top one.

-And I know the last one.

I know the second to bottom.

OK, we're going to play "The band

"whose video for the 1985 song

"Take On Me featured..."

..is A-ha.

A-ha... OK. A-ha,

say Kalmia and Nic.

James and Tony, what would you like to go for?

I think, or we think,

the town where the Cumberland Pencil Museum opened in 1981

is Keswick.

Keswick. So we have A-ha versus Keswick.

So many times we've had that as a combination!

That's my favourite thing about Pointless, some of the things

that come up against each other. Finally, A-ha versus Keswick.

Who's going to win?!

Kalmia and Nic said A-ha,

let's see how many of our 100 people said A-ha.

It's right.

62.

Meanwhile, James and Tony have gone for Keswick for the Pencil Museum,

let's see how many people said Keswick.

It's right.

And it wins you the point, look at that.

There we are, Keswick trouncing

A-ha there. Down to 15.

Well done, James and Tony.

After three questions,

you are through to the final 2-1.

Very well played, and we should all go there, I think, after the show,

-the Keswick Pencil Museum.

-Yeah.

Now, the Rowan Atkinson sitcom, of course, or the character...

Mr Bean.

Not Mr Bean.

No, it's Blackadder.

-Remember when he's trying to feign madness?

-Oh, yes, yes!

-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

-Ah...

-In Blackadder Goes Forth, ah.

-21 points.

-Of course it is.

This mineral is...

-Graphite.

-..graphite.

That would have scored you 37.

And the artist...?

-Picasso.

-Picasso, Pablo Picasso.

And he would have scored you 28,

so Keswick was the best answer on the board, gents,

-well played.

-Thank you so much. So, the pair leaving us at the end

of the head-to-head round, I'm afraid it's Kalmia and Nic. However, we'll see you again

-next time.

-Yes.

-On the strength of today's performance,

I'm sure you'll do just as well, if not one step better next time. But, meantime, thanks very much,

-Kalmia and Nic.

-Thank you.

But for James and Tony, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, James and Tony,

you have fought off all the competition and you have won our coveted

Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot is standing at £1,000.

Well, very, very impressive.

Very impressive.

Right the way through the show, some lovely low scores we've had from you.

Great performance in the head-to-head.

You know what happens in this last round,

four options appear on the board behind me -

you've got to hope there's something up there that you like the look of.

Let's see what today's selection looks like, we have got...

Births, Coronations and Deaths in British History is what I'd think...

-That's my immediate instinct.

-Is that esoteric enough for you?

I don't know... Well, I don't know what Sporting Queens might be.

-Yeah.

-British History I do know.

-Is that what we're going for?

-Let's go for it.

-Let's go for it, then.

-OK.

The British History one is the one you want.

OK, very, very best of luck.

We're looking for any of the following three, gents. We're looking for...

The years of birth of any Stuart monarch,

that's anyone from Robert II to Queen Anne, please.

Any year of birth as long as it's undisputed, from the House of Stuart.

We're looking for any English or British monarchs or their spouses who are

buried in Westminster Abbey.

A monarch or a spouse buried in Westminster Abbey.

Or the years of coronations of UK

or British monarchs since 1700.

So the years of birth of monarchs from the House of Stuart,

monarchs and their spouses buried in Westminster Abbey,

or the years of coronation for British monarchs since 1700.

Thanks very much. As always you've got up to one minute to come up

with three answers, and all you need to win that jackpot is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Are you ready?

-As we'll ever be.

-OK, let's put 60 seconds up on the clock.

Your time starts now.

Monarchs and their spouses buried in Westminster Abbey,

-I think they should be all three.

-Go on, then.

-So all you've got to do is just name a few kings and queens.

-Right.

So maybe George IV...

Right, OK. Someone a bit further back, like Richard of York or someone...?

No, I mean you're looking at...

-Think that's too obvious?

-Richard III was buried in that car park in Leicester,

so right up until... They weren't, you know,

they weren't doing it in Westminster Abbey

-right back in medieval history.

-OK.

Spouses. Erm...

I think Prince Albert's probably a bit too obvious.

Erm...

William and Mary?

No, I think they might be a bit later on...

..a bit earlier as well.

Er, George IV...

-Er...

-Edward...

..VII?

Yeah, let's go for Edward VII.

George IV, Edward VII...

Ten seconds left.

Er...

-Think of a wife. Who was Edward VII married to?

-Erm...

I can't remember. Prince Albert?

OK. That is your time.

Could you give me your three answers, please, and which category you're answering.

We're going to take all three from monarchs and their spouses

-buried in Westminster Abbey.

-OK. Sounds sensible.

-I think the one that is least likely is Prince Albert.

-Prince Albert...

Er, and then...

-Edward VII.

-Edward VII. Yeah.

-And George...

V, did we say?

-Yeah, George V.

-George V. OK.

-Of those three, you think Prince Albert's your least likely to be pointless...

-Yes.

We'll put Prince Albert first. Most likely to be pointless?

Take your pick from the other two.

-Er...

-George V.

-George V.

-Shall we do that?

-Yes.

OK, well, let's put those answers up on the board in that order, then,

and here they are. We've got Prince Albert, we've got Edward VII,

and we have got George V.

Well, very good luck. Three answers on the board there.

If one of those turns out to be pointless,

you will leave here with £1,000.

What would you like to do with that? James, you first.

I'd get my girlfriend something nice with that, I think.

Very nice. Tony, how about you?

I have got some things that I'd like to do...

-Yeah.

-..but I've got a list of things that we need to do.

-Yeah.

-So I think the things that we need to do would take over the things that I'd like to do.

Get some timers for those light switches, which would be quite useful. You can get them.

Wouldn't that be marvellous?

They're pricey, though. Pricey!

So what you gain on the electricity bills, you lose on the timers.

They pay for themselves over time, they pay for themselves.

Over time, Tony, over time.

OK, well, your first answer was Prince Albert.

In all three cases we were looking for monarchs or their spouses

buried at Westminster Abbey. Only one of them has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot. Let's find out.

Prince Albert your first answer.

How many people said it? If it's right and if it's pointless, it'll win you £1,000.

Ooh. Bad luck.

I'm afraid your first answer, Prince Albert, an incorrect answer.

Let's move swiftly on to your next answer, Edward VII.

Let's find out how many of our 100 people named Edward VII as a monarch

buried at Westminster Abbey.

If it's pointless, it wins you £1,000.

Ooh, no!

-Not Edward VII.

-Who'd have thought it?

-Who?

-If anyone deserves burying in Westminster Abbey, for all he did...

-Someone named after a potato, surely!

-Yeah.

George V. Your third and final answer.

This is the one you were hoping... You thought it was most likely to be pointless. Let's find out.

George V, let's see how many of our 100 people said it. For £1,000,

is it pointless?

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

I mean, really...

It begs the question, are any of them buried there?

I'm afraid three incorrect answers there. It turned out to be a...

I don't know what's happened to this country. I really don't.

I'm sorry to say you didn't find the pointless answer you needed, though,

so I'm afraid today's jackpot rolls over on to the next show.

But it's been a real treat having you here.

Thank you so much for coming to play, and playing so well.

Superb, James and Tony. And you get a Pointless trophy to take home as well.

I have to say all your answers sounded convincing, though.

I'll give you that. Prince Albert is buried in Frogmore.

And the other two, Edward VII and George V,

both buried in St George's Chapel in Windsor, I'm afraid.

There are some people buried in Westminster Abbey, I promise.

We will get on to those.

The years of birth of monarchs from the House of Stuart...

Mary Queen of Scots was born in 1542,

Charles II was 1630,

James II, 1633

and Anne in 1665.

You also could have had

1316, 1394, 1473 and 1662.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Now, the monarchs and their spouses buried in Westminster Abbey...

There's a few here you might have guessed -

Anne of Cleves is a pointless answer.

Anne of Denmark, wife of James.

Elizabeth of York, who was Henry VIII's mum.

William III is there.

Mary II would have scored you one point.

Anne Neville, the wife of Richard III is in there.

Caroline of Ansbach.

Catherine of Valois. Edith, the wife of Edward the Confessor.

And Philippa of Hainault also a pointless answer.

Well done if you said any of those.

And more years. If you're a fan of years,

here's three for you.

The years of coronation of British monarchs - 1702,

which was Queen Anne, George III in 1761.

And some people would have got this, 1838, which was Queen Victoria.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard, and thank you so much,

James and Tony. I'm sorry you didn't win today's jackpot,

that now rolls over on to the next show when we will be playing for £2,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it. Meanwhile it's goodbye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-..and it's goodbye from me - goodbye.