Episode 21 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong,

and this is Pointless, the quiz show where the lower the score,

the better the odds of winning. Let's meet today's players.

Welcome back, Ian and Nick. You were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach our Pointless final. This is your second chance.

-Remind us how you did. I seem to remember.

-Do we have to remind you?

-Go on, remind us how we did.

-Tactically, we went out on the first round.

-Very clever, very shrewd.

We didn't want them to think that we were clever. Then we'll hit them.

-We'll fool the audience.

-OK, you are going to hustle us?

-Yes.

-What was it that did for you last time?

The question!

The Maverick question.

Oh, yes. TV detectives.

Listen, better luck. I think you're going to go all the way to round two,

that's my prediction for this afternoon.

Welcome to Rob and Julie. How do you two know each other?

I met Rob when I was 17. We went out for five years, got engaged, planned the wedding, split up...

-What?!

-And now we're best friends.

Rob introduced me to my husband on a blind date.

-What?

-It's true.

The age-old story, isn't it(?)

If I had a quid for every time I've heard that story...

-Hang on, so you're best friends?

-Yes.

I bet you weren't best friends after that engagement was broken off.

Well, I moved to Manchester, so I didn't see him for

a couple of years, but we were best friends when I got back, weren't we?

Sort of.

LAUGHTER

It's great to have you on the show. Very best of luck. I look forward to hearing a bit more about all that.

And welcome to Tom and James.

-How do you two know each other?

-We're good friends, we've known each other for about five years from when

we used to work at a credit card company together. We worked in the collection side.

-Chasing people up.

-Bringing in the debts? Sending in the heavies.

-We were collecting the money.

-Wow.

-You don't do that any more?

-No.

-I'm delighted to hear it. Welcome to the show.

Best of luck this afternoon. Welcome back to Karl and Lee.

You were also on the show last time, remind us how you did.

We lost in the head-to-head.

So you won all the way up to the head to head.

-Yes, we won two rounds previously.

-You did incredibly well.

I think this afternoon you're going to go all the way.

All the way to the big-money final, that's my hunch.

We'll find out more about you through the show. There's one more person for me to introduce.

He's a compulsive collector of obscure knowledge.

-He is my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hello.

APPLAUSE

We've got two very good returning pairs, I think.

Other than the fact that Ian is a teacher, and in the series,

they have not covered themselves in glory, the teaching profession.

Speaking of which, question two on today's show is one of those classic questions

that everybody over 50, who went to school when they actually taught you things, is going to be brilliant at.

And everybody under 50, where essentially all we had to do is draw pine cones,

are going to be very, very bad at it. So it's going to split the audience.

I'm guessing it's not a pine question?

It's not a pine-cone question. That's question three. Draw a pine cone!

Wow. Very good, what a show.

We've put all our questions to 100 people before the show, but this is Pointless,

so we're after the obscure answers that they didn't get.

To stay in the game with a chance to win our jackpot,

all you need to do is score as few points as you can.

But what everyone is trying to do is find a pointless answer, an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to today's jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000 to that.

So today's jackpot starts off at £4,750.

APPLAUSE

Right, let's play Pointless.

In the first round, each of you must give me one answer, and you cannot confer with your partner.

Whichever team has the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

Our first category this afternoon is puppets.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first and who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Punch and Judy characters as they could. Richard?

Yes, the correct answers in this round are all puppet characters

you'd find in a traditional Punch and Judy show.

OK, right, Ian and Nick. You all drew lots before the show today, you get to go first.

In this round I'm going to give you a choice of seven possible answers on the board in each pass.

The first set of answers reads like this.

At least one of those answers is pointless.

There is at least one incorrect answer amongst those as well.

Pick one of those and you will score the maximum 100 points. Ian?

-It used to frighten me when I was little, Punch and Judy.

-All of them?

All of them, yes.

I will go for the most frightening, the ghost.

Ghost?

Let's see if it's a correct answer, and if so, how many people said it.

It's correct.

Oh, brilliant answer!

Great answer, Ian, two.

-Ghost scores you two. Richard, ghost?

-Yes, great start, Ian.

Originally it was the ghost of Judy, but now it's the ghost of other, less significant characters.

-Punch and Judy's terrible, isn't it? Or is it just me?

-No, it's terrible.

-Does anyone like it?

Kids don't like it. Adults don't like it. Who's liking it?

Julie, can you stand Punch and Judy?

I can just barely remember Punch and Judy.

Right, OK.

Looking good for the answer, then?

There is an incorrect answer on that board, remember.

There is also at least one pointless answer there.

I think, because I'm a paediatric nurse,

I think I should probably say baby. I'm sure there was a baby in it.

Let's see if it's a good answer. And if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

It could be a low-scorer, Julie. Down it goes.

-21.

-APPLAUSE

-That scores you 21. Richard?

-Yes, there is a baby.

It's Punch and Judy's baby, in fact.

Well done, Julie. 21 that scored you.

Tom - Punch and Judy?

There's only one up there that I'm confident about, but I think it's fairly well known,

so there's two that I'm a bit torn between.

I've been thinking, I think I'm going to go for Scaramouche.

You're going to say Scaramouche?

-I am.

-Apart from in the Queen song that we all know,

-how well do you know Scaramouche?

-Not well at all.

But there's just two that I think they potentially are,

and I'm going to go for that one. I'm going to risk it.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

Brilliant answer. Scaramouche is a pointless answer.

It adds £250 to today's jackpot, it takes our total up to £5,000. And it scores you nothing. Richard?

Yes, great answer. Very well done.

Great start. Scaramouche is a roguish clown, who Mr Punch often hits.

That's nice, isn't it(?) He's going to be played by Jim Carrey in the Hollywood remake of Punch and Judy(!)

Thanks very much. Karl, we're looking for Punch and Judy characters.

I'm struggling with this one, Alex, I don't mind admitting.

There could easily be another pointless answer on the board.

There is definitely at least one incorrect answer on the board.

There's obviously one up there that's quite obvious.

I'm going to take a chance on perhaps a slightly less obvious one and go for doctor, maybe.

You're going to go for Dr Maybe?

Oh I see, there he is, doctor. Professor Swazzle, Dr Maybe.

Have you met? I don't know.

Dr Maybe is a slightly less certain Dr No, isn't he?

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

There he is, doctor. Let's see if it's a correct answer.

And if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Doc... I nearly said Doctor Maybe!

There he is, second on the list.

Let's see if he's a correct answer, and if he is, how many people said it. Doctor.

It is correct.

APPLAUSE

-Very good answer, Karl, scores you three.

-Yes, doctor, very good.

He is actually called Dr Duck, his full name.

That's nice, isn't it?

It's a whole world I have no knowledge of.

You're a very lucky man.

Let's go through the rest of the board, shall we?

There is an incorrect answer, and there is still a pointless.

There's another pointless answer up there. The policeman is obviously a character in Punch and Judy.

He would have scored you 45 points, so well avoided, everyone.

Out of those two, which do you think is pointless?

-Blind man.

-That's exactly right.

Blind man is a pointless answer, so well done if you got that at home. It would have added £250 to the jackpot.

The incorrect answer is Professor Swazzle.

The swazzle is a thing that a Punch and Judy puppeteer has in his mouth to do Punch's voice.

They also call themselves professors.

Even though they don't have qualifications from any accredited universities.

As far as I'm aware.

OK, let's take a look at the scores halfway through the round.

It seems as good a time as any to see how everyone is doing.

Well, Rob and Julie, 21, I thought was a pretty good score.

It turns out it's a rubbish score.

You're way ahead of the field there.

Karl and Lee, not bad on three.

Ian and Nick, not bad on two.

Tom and James, fantastic pointless answer there.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

We'll put seven more answers on the board. We are looking for Punch and Judy characters.

And we have got...

Again, I can tell you there's at least one pointless answer, and at least one incorrect answer.

Lee, Karl did very well, scored three for you in the first pass.

You have to score 17 or less with your answer to avoid becoming the highest scorers.

-How good is your Punch and Judy?

-I know Punch and Judy and that's about it.

Yes, tough, isn't it?

I think I remember seeing a crocodile in it, so that's what I'm going for.

Crocodile you're going to say. Third on the list.

You think you've seen a crocodile?

I think so.

In Punch and Judy, not just in a zoo or whatever.

-Blackburn, though, plenty of those around(!)

-A few snappy people.

There's your red line. Come below that red line, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if crocodile gets you there, and if it's a correct answer, how many people said it.

It's right.

42 that scores you, giving you a total of 45.

-Richard, crocodile?

-That's the biggest score yet.

The crocodile is actually a fairly recent arrival in Punch and Judy, it's only 100 years old.

-Punch and Judy being something over 350 years old.

-There we are.

So, crocodile scoring you 42.

Who would have thought?

James, you are currently on nothing.

Tom scored a fantastic pointless answer.

-Do you know Punch and Judy?

-Not at all.

You've never seen a Punch and Judy show?

No, I've heard of them, obviously, but that's about as far as my knowledge goes.

I think one sounds like a Womble, so I'm not going to go for that one.

I'm going to say hangman.

-Hangman?

-Yes.

-Sounds sort of right, doesn't it?

That sounds about right, yes.

Sort of macabre Punch and Judy kind of world, hangman. OK, let's see if that's correct.

There is your red line, and if you come below that, score 44 or less, you're through to the next round.

Let's see if hangman is right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

Well done.

Very good answer.

APPLAUSE

Only one person knew hangman. That scores you one. Richard?

Yes, very good answer. The hangman's real name is Jack Ketch after a real hangman.

They used to hang Punch at the end of each show.

That was the end, the big show-stopping finale.

They would hang him by the neck until dead.

And then briefly he would hang the hangman, that was the twist they put on it.

And then it says here they stopped doing it somewhere around the abolition of the death penalty.

So it started being less popular.

Rob... You were the high scorers, you are no longer the high scorers.

Karl and Lee have taken that mantle.

You're on 21. You want to score 23 or less with your answer.

I vaguely remember these as a youngster.

Vaguely.

I actually remembered the hangman. But unfortunately that's gone.

There's still a pointless answer,

at least one pointless answer on that board.

I'm going to take a bit of a stab. I think Signor Bologna.

Signor Bologna.

He should have been in there.

There's your red line. Below that red line and you are through to the next round, Rob and Julie.

Let's see if it's a correct answer, Signor Bologna, and if it is, how many people said it.

Unfortunately that is an incorrect answer which scores you the maximum

of 100 points, taking your total up to 121. Richard?

Yes, sorry, Rob, but Signor Bologna was the first ever puppeteer

to do a Punch and Judy show in London in 1662.

-It's recorded in Samuel Pepys's diary.

-As rubbish!

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

"9th May, saw Punch and Judy, terrible, won't last."

OK, thank you very much.

So we're looking for Punch and Judy characters.

Nick and Ian, the good news is you're through to the next round.

No matter what you score, you are still through to the next round.

Even if you score 100 points, you still won't overtake Rob and Julie.

Nick, bearing all that in mind, at least one of the incorrect answers has gone from the board.

There's got to be a pointless in there somewhere. See if you can find it and add £250 to the jackpot.

I have never, ever seen Punch and Judy. It's a sickening fact.

But I'm going to go with Pretty Polly.

Pretty Polly.

OK. Let's see if it's a pointless answer.

Let's see if it's correct and how many people said it, Pretty Polly.

It's right.

It's a pointless answer, well done!

APPLAUSE

That adds £250 to today's jackpot,

taking the total up to

£5,250 and it scores you nothing,

leaving you with a total of two.

-Richard?

-Brilliant, well done, Nick.

Pretty Polly, in the early days of Punch and Judy, was a love interest for Mr Punch.

And now rarely seen. I suspect that Judy's had a word.

LAUGHTER

Let's take a look at the board for some other things you should've said.

Toby the dog is a Punch and Judy character. That would have scored you 11 points.

Used to be a live dog in the early days of Punch and Judy.

-A live dog on stage.

-A tiny one - on a stick? Probably.

Clown,

there's a clown in Punch and Judy

called Joey after Joey Grimaldi.

That would have scored three. And Finnigan.

Do you think that's incorrect?

No, there's a famous Judy Finnigan. That's probably what you've got.

Yes, we have to own up.

Yes, Judy Finnigan.

That's an incorrect answer and would have scored you 100 points.

OK, thank you very much, Richard.

So at the end of round one, the losing pair with the highest score, it's Rob and Julie.

AUDIENCE GROAN

Dear, oh, dear. Punch and Judy, not the category you wanted at all.

Or puppets, probably, for that matter. The entirety of the puppet repertoire.

-What would you like to have come up, Rob?

-Sport, probably.

-Julie?

-Um...

Something to do with words, maybe.

-The English language.

-English language.

We'll be seeing you next time because everybody gets two shots at Pointless,

but thanks very much for playing,

you've been great contestants, thank you.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's time for round two.

It's now time to find out which of our teams will be going through to the head-to-head

for the chance to reach the Pointless final.

OK, the category for round two is...

history.

History.

Karl's grinning broadly.

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

And the question is ...

Famous military events and their conflicts.

In this round, we're about to show you the names of some famous military events.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to tell us the conflict or war in which they occurred. Richard?

We'll show you a series of military events.

You've got to tell us which war or conflict they occurred in.

The easy ones obviously will score a lot of points.

The harder ones will score you very few points. And we're not looking for the names of battles,

we're looking for the war or the conflict that these events occurred in.

OK, good luck. The first six are...

OK.

We're looking for the conflict or war these events occurred in.

Ian?

Right, I will go for the Battle of Edgehill.

-OK.

-It was in the English Civil War.

The Battle of Edgehill, English Civil War.

There it is, one up from the bottom.

Let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many people knew that answer, Battle of Edgehill, Civil War.

It's right.

Good answer, Ian.

That scores you 13 points. Richard?

Yes, very well done. The first great battle of the English Civil War in 1642

which everybody over 50 will know and everybody under 50 will be going, "We had a civil war?!"

LAUGHTER

Thank you very much, Richard. James, we are looking for the conflict

or war that these events occurred in.

-How good's your history, James?

-It's not.

It's my worst category ever.

I just have no interest whatsoever in it.

I've heard of Charge of the Light Brigade so I'm going to go for that and I'm going to say World War I.

OK. Very slight sort of reaction from the audience there. I'm not quite sure how to describe it.

Something between a tut and a "mmm".

Not sounding good, is it?

Charge of the Light Brigade, you're saying World War I.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people knew that answer.

Unfortunately that is an incorrect answer, which means you've scored a maximum of 100 points. Richard?

The over-fifties now throwing things at the television screen.

I won't say where it occurred just in case Karl and Lee want to have a go.

Karl. We are looking for the conflicts or wars that these famous military events took place in.

Karl, your history's pretty good, isn't it?

I do know where Charge of the Light Brigade was, but I think that might score quite highly,

so I'm going to go for one which hopefully will score a little less.

Although not 100% sure, but I think the Battle of Ypres might have been World War I.

The Battle of Ypres, World War I.

OK, let's see if that's correct and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

It's right.

45, that scores you.

The Battle of Ypres.

-Richard?

-It was indeed World War I, a mere 60 years after the Charge of the Light Brigade.

Around the Belgian town of Ypres.

Let's fill in the rest of them. Charge of the Light Brigade was in the Crimean War,

would have scored you 20 points.

D-Day of course is the Second World War,

would have scored you the highest points of 75.

Remember the siege of Carthage?

Trojan War, I'd say.

It wasn't, it was the Punic War.

Or the Third Punic War. Would've scored you seven points.

And the Battle of Kowloon

was a pointless answer so well done if you got that.

-Any clues?

-Is this our great, our proudest moment, our Opium Wars against China? Is that it?

It was indeed. It's the Opium Wars.

Very well done if you got that at home. Very well done you.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

A wide-ranging board, as I always like to say.

Tom and James way out ahead there on 100.

Bad luck, James.

-But Tom, how good is your history, Tom?

-It's OK.

He's really good at history.

Well, let's hope he's good enough to save your hides on the next pass.

Ian and Nick looking very, very strong there.

13, great answer from Ian. And Karl and Lee, 45.

Somewhere in the middle.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more names of famous military events

on the board. Here's your second six.

We're looking for the conflict or war in which these events occurred

and you're trying to find the one that the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Lee. You're good at this, Lee.

-Not really, no.

-Aren't you?

-No.

Well, listen, you're on 45.

To avoid becoming the high scorers, you want to be scoring 54 or less with this answer. Hmm.

The Battle of Britain, I've heard of that.

-Yes?

-World War II.

-OK.

Here's your red line. If Battle of Britain, World War II,

gets you below that red line, you are through to the next round.

OK, let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's correct.

67 people said that.

APPLAUSE

Yes, it was, of course, summer and autumn, 1940.

Never have so many points been scored by so many people and so few questions.

And that gives you a total of 112.

Tom, your moment of glory.

You are currently on 100.

The high scorers are now Lee and Karl on 112.

If you score 11 or less, you are definitely through to the next round.

I can see which ones would be the obscure ones but they're too obscure for me as well.

Right.

I've going to have to go for the Battle of Gettysburg, part of the American Civil War.

Battle of Gettysburg. You're saying American Civil War.

Here comes your red line.

If you get below that, you are definitely through

to the next round.

Gettysburg, American Civil War.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

It is correct.

APPLAUSE

That scores you 41 and takes you up to 141. Richard?

Yes, another popular answer.

1863, the Battle of Gettysburg in Pennsylvania, where the North won over the South.

We are looking for famous military events and their conflicts. We're looking for the conflicts or wars

that these military events came from. Nick?

-Hello.

-You are on 13. It doesn't matter what you answer.

Anything you say, you are through to the next round.

-It's getting familiar, this.

-Yes. Again, very lucky.

I'm struggling big stylee. I knew two and that was those two.

I'm going to go with a complete guess, so don't laugh.

The Battle of Tewkesbury, War Of the Roses.

Battle of Tewkesbury, War of the Roses.

Ian is making the face of someone who goes, "Oh my goodness!"

The Battle of Tewkesbury, War of the Roses, you're saying.

Let's see it that's a correct answer and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

It's right.

Fantastic. That scores four.

It gives you a total of 17. A great answer, Nick.

1471, Battle of Tewkesbury.

Very good. You're the only person under 50 that will know that in the country.

-I'm proud.

-Let's take a look at the rest of the board.

There's the Battle of Trafalgar there and the Tet Offensive.

The Tet Offensive would have scored you more points.

The Tet Offensive has been in films about Vietnam, I should think.

I guess so, the Vietnam War. It would have scored you 23 points.

And the Battle of Trafalgar would have scored you 17.

Part of the Napoleonic Wars. Do you know the Defenestration of Prague?

-I don't know.

-Only one person knew it.

It is from the Thirty Years' War.

-The Defenestration of Prague.

-Thanks very much, Richard.

At the end of round two, the losing pair with the highest score,

I'm afraid it's Tom and James. Oh dear, oh dear.

Tom, what would have been your preferred category in this round?

What would you have dazzled us in?

Well, I knew the obscure answers to the first round of that history one,

so I think I'd have been better going first.

-All right.

-I'm normally quite good at history, so...

-Just these were campaigns you didn't know so well?

-No.

Went in the wrong order, I'm afraid.

-Did you know the Charge of the Light Brigade?

-Yes, and the Punic Wars.

Ah! James? Pine cones.

Next time, it'll be pine cones.

I'll probably do better with that.

We'll see you again next time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless final.

Thanks very much for playing. You've been great contestants, thank you.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, things are about to get even more exciting now as we go head-to-head.

So we've already said goodbye to two teams.

It's time to find out which of our pairs will be playing for the jackpot,

which currently stands at £5,250!

APPLAUSE

So well done, Ian, Nick, Lee and Karl.

You're now going head-to-head on the best of three questions and you're now allowed to confer.

You have to come up with an answer that scores less than the other pair to win that question.

The first pair to win two points will be through to today's final to play for the jackpot.

Let's play Pointless.

OK, here's your first question. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many things mentioned in the song Do-Re-Mi as they could.

Richard?

We're looking for any of the seven lines used by Maria to describe the musical notes in Do-Re-Mi

from the Sound of Music. Which of those is the most obscure?

Ian and Nick, because you've played best throughout the show so far, you get to go first.

We are looking for things mentioned in the song Do-Re-Mi.

-Are you fans of the Sound of Music?

-Actually, I've never watched it.

-Never watched it?

-I've never watched the Sound Of Music.

-Never watched it. Nick?

-No.

What do you do every Christmas?!

Watch The Great Escape.

Oh, the other side, yes.

Of course, there are several channels on the telly, aren't there?

We're looking for things in the song Do-Re-Mi.

This is going to be hilarious.

Two people who pride themselves on never having seen the Sound of Music.

I shall go for...

"la", a note to follow..."so".

-OK, "la", a note to follow... It sounds like a character from Punch and Judy, doesn't it?

-Mm.

"La", a note to follow "so", say Ian and Nick.

Lee and Karl, you two for me epitomise fans of Julie Andrews

and the Sound of Music.

-You know the words to this song.

-I do.

-I don't.

Yes, you do. Come on, you do. Come on.

-You all right going for what I say?

-Go for whatever you're going to say.

I'd like to say "tea, a drink with jam and bread", I believe they say.

Tea, I believe it's a drink with jam and bread. I could be wrong.

That's what you are saying.

Let's take those answers in the order that they have been given.

Ian and Nick gave me a note to follow "so". Let's see if that's correct and if so,

how many people said it.

Well, it's right.

24.

APPLAUSE

Is that a good score for a note to follow "so"?

Better than I expected.

Lee and Karl have given me a drink with jam and bread.

Let's see how many people said that.

Well, it is correct.

Oh!

APPLAUSE

28. So after the first question, it is one-nil to Ian and Nick. Richard?

You actually gave us the best two answers, guys.

You couldn't have beaten "la a note to follow so", I'm afraid.

You see we've already had the best two, a note to follow "so" and a drink with jam and bread.

Sew, a needle pulling thread was 37.

Ray, a drop of golden sun, 50.

Far, a long, long way to run, 53.

Me, a name I call myself, 54.

And right at the top of the list doe, a deer, a female deer on 63.

OK, thank you, Richard. Here is your second question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..portraits on US banknotes as they could.

Portraits on US banknotes. Richard.

We're looking for any of the seven people whose image appears on

a banknote in general circulation in the USA as of April 2010.

And we need first names and surnames, please.

So, Ian and Nick, obviously you're one-nil up at this point.

Lee and Karl, you mustn't let them get this point, or they are straight through to the final.

OK, Karl and Lee, you've arrived at an answer.

Is this a confident answer?

-No, most certainly not.

-Right.

We're taking a gamble, I think.

We think we are going to go for FDR - Franklin D Roosevelt.

Franklin D Roosevelt you are saying, OK.

Ian and Nick, we've had Franklin D Roosevelt from Karl and Lee.

-What are you going to give me?

-I thought Jackson,

-but I can't think of his first name. So...

-Michael.

LAUGHTER

Right, I'm going for what I think is on the 100 bill, Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin, OK.

So Franklin D Roosevelt and Benjamin Franklin are our two answers.

Let's take them in the order they were given. Lee and Karl said Franklin D Roosevelt.

Let's see if that is correct and if it is, how many people said it.

Bad luck. I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer,

which means Ian and Nick merely have to get this right to be through to the final.

Benjamin Franklin. Let's see if it's right.

It is right.

Low score. Look at that, 16.

APPLAUSE

So that means after just two questions, Ian and Nick are through

to the final two-nil. Richard.

Yeah, very good answer. Benjamin Franklin is on the 100 bill.

-Hence the hip-hop expression, "It's all about the Benjamins."

-That's where it comes from.

-Yeah, all about the Benjamin Franklins.

-I always wonder when they say that to me.

LAUGHTER

All about the Benjamins, Zander. And I say yes, yes.

Let's take a look at... There are seven people who are on bills that are in general circulation.

If you got all of these, very well done, because there are some very obscure ones.

Alexander Hamilton, who was the first Secretary of the Treasury,

he is on the 10 bill.

Ulysses S Grant is on the 50.

It was Andrew Jackson, rather than Michael,

and it would have scored you one point.

So it wouldn't have been a very good answer.

Jefferson is on the very rare 2 bill.

Thomas Jefferson would have scored you three.

Benjamin Franklin there on the 100 bill would have scored 16.

Abraham Lincoln is on the 5 bill, would have scored you 37.

And George Washington is on the dollar bill and would have scored you 43 points.

Very good. Well, Karl, Lee, you have come through to the head-to-head not once, twice.

Sadly you get nothing for that, apart from just the kudos of having

come through to the head-to-head not once but twice.

But it's been fabulous having you on show. I'm so sorry you haven't managed to get through to the final.

But great contestants. Thanks very much for coming.

APPLAUSE

For Ian and Nick it is now time for our Pointless final and the chance to win £5,250.

Congratulations, Ian and Nick. You've fought off all the competition

and won our coveted Pointless trophy.

APPLAUSE

You now have the chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show the jackpot stands at an impressive £5,250.

APPLAUSE

The rules are very simple. To win that money all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

That is an answer that no one else could think of.

We've had two pointless answers on the show. You have to find one more to go home with that money.

First you've got to choose a category from these three options, and your choices are...

Well... There's only one there, isn't it?

It's darts.

-What?

-Big darts players(!)

It's got to be world geography, really.

-Yes.

-World geography.

OK, right, well, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many countries on the Equator as they could.

Countries on the equator. Richard.

We are looking for any country whose territory is crossed by or whose islands straddle the equator.

Right you are. You have up to one minute to come up with three answers and all you need to win that £5,250

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

Your 60 seconds start now.

Right, what do you want to go for?

Somalia.

Somalia, yes. African countries - which ones?

-I'm trying to think. I think Congo.

-Congo, yeah.

Somalia, Congo.

-Any in Asia?

-I think the Philippines, it goes through the Philippines.

No, it misses India.

-30 seconds.

-Higher is it?

-Yes, definitely Ecuador and Brazil.

-Any in North Africa?

No.

-Congo.

-Malta?

-Actually it goes through Kenya.

-Kenya.

-Try that as well.

-Kenya.

-Kenya. Somalia.

Kenya, Somalia, Congo.

Anything else?

-As you can see, I'm a big help(!)

-Good finger work, though.

-I think it goes through Singapore, but I'm not sure about that.

-So Congo, Somalia, Kenya.

-Kenya.

-Right.

OK, your minute is up.

Which of those answers are you going to corral into your three?

There's three, I've been to one. I have actually stood on the Equator, so I'm going to go for that one.

We'll do Kenya, we'll do Congo and I know it just clips the bottom of Somalia.

Which of those do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-Somalia.

-Somalia.

We will put that one last. Which one shall we put first?

-Kenya?

-Congo.

Or Kenya. Kenya definitely.

OK, Kenya, Congo, Somalia. We'll put them up in that order.

There they are. We were looking for countries on the Equator. OK.

Beginning to regret those now, but...

-You are now thinking of others you should have put in there?

-No, I think we'll stick with those.

The other ones I'm not terribly sure about.

Philippines, I think there's that one, it might even be Singapore. I'm not sure.

OK, well, this was the least confident answer you gave.

You only need one of these to be pointless.

Let's see how many people said Kenya and if it is a correct answer. Kenya.

So there it is, Kenya, this is your first shot at a pointless answer

for that jackpot of £5,250.

It has to do all the way down to zero.

15 people said Kenya.

Yes, 15 people said Kenya, so unfortunately it's not a pointless answer.

But that was your least confident answer, as you said.

You have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

What would you spend £5,250 on?

Well, he owes me it anyway.

-LAUGHTER

-Really?

-Yeah, pretty much.

-Comics?

Comics. And my friend's cycling across America for charity. So I'd go meet him in Miami.

-I thought you were going to say, "I'll sponsor him."

-No!

"Yes, well, I'll probably go to Vegas, meet him in Vegas maybe,

"have a bit of fun there."

OK, we're looking for countries that are on the Equator.

This is your second answer. You are a little more confident in this than you were on Kenya. Congo.

That's what you said. Congo. This has to be a pointless answer if you are to win that £5,250.

Let's see if it's correct. Let's how many people said the Congo.

It's right.

Your second of three chances to win £5,250.

Kenya scored 15.

Down it goes still.

Oh, six!

GROANING

APPLAUSE

Congo, I'm afraid is not a pointless answer. It's all going in the right direction, though. 15 down to six.

-It's looking very good for Somalia on that trajectory.

-We hope.

You only have one final chance to win that £5,250. Cross all those fingers.

We are looking for countries on the Equator. You said this was your most confident answer.

This is your last chance. It has to be pointless for you to win that money.

You said Somalia.

You say right down at the bottom of Somalia the Equator crosses it.

-It clips just a little bit.

-It clips just a little bit.

Let's hope no one on that little bit it clips was amongst our 100 people polled.

Let's see if it's correct, and then let's see if anybody said it.

Somalia.

Well, it's right.

It's right. We had 15 with Kenya, we had six with Congo.

This has to go all the way down to nothing for you to win that £5,250 and it goes...

Oh! No!

Oh!

Bad luck. Oh, no!

It's a brilliant answer, Somalia.

You didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £5,250, so that rolls over to the next show.

But you have been fantastic and you do get to take home our Pointless trophy.

APPLAUSE

-Richard, what answers should they have gone for?

-They were three good answers.

You would have to dig deep to get the pointless ones.

There are three pointless answers. Any of these would have won you the money.

There is an island group in the Pacific, Kiribati,

would have won you the money.

The Maldives would have won you the money. And the smallest country

in Africa, Sao Tome and Principe, also would have won you the jackpot.

I did think those.

LAUGHTER

I said all three. Yeah. Yeah.

-Whilst I was listing.

-Does that make it any easier, seeing them?

-No.

-I would have liked to see what the Philippines was actually.

-That's not on the Equator.

-Oh, good job I didn't play it.

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to Ian and Nick, but you have been fantastic contestants.

It has been wonderful having you, and you have atoned for

all the other teachers we have had on the show

by performing fantastically well right the way through to the final.

Sorry you didn't win the jackpot, but thank you very much for playing.

APPLAUSE

So nobody's won our jackpot today, so it rolls over,

which means on the next show we will be playing for £6,250.

APPLAUSE

Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

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