Episode 13 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything.

-Let's meet the players.

-APPLAUSE

First we welcome Elaine and Denise. How do you two know each other?

We met about four years ago when Elaine and her husband were looking to move to West Wales

and they stayed at my bed and breakfast.

But the problem afterwards, she told me a few months later

that she thought I was my husband's fancy woman and I was down on a dirty weekend.

Denise, why did you think Elaine was her husband's fancy woman?

Well, when she came down to breakfast, she gave me no eye contact...

That's got fancy woman written all over it!

-Right.

-And she looked so much younger than Pete.

He will be pleased when he hears that!

-There's a lovely compliment in there somewhere.

-Somewhere.

-And they then came back another time.

-Still no eye contact.

We knew by then. We knew the truth.

-What would you like to come up this afternoon, Elaine?

-Geography.

I shouldn't say that, cos if it comes up and I get it wrong...

Geography and natural history.

Natural history, geography, perfectly-worded subjects. Denise, how about you?

Erm, literature, food and drink, a bit of history.

-Not too much.

-Not too much history, for goodness sake!

-Well, let's see. Very best of luck. Great to have you here. Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

Next we welcome Ali and Lucy. How do you two know each other?

We're a couple. I met Lucy in freshers' week at university.

-Where were you at university?

-University of York.

I'm hoping you're also at University of York. You don't just go to freshers' week.

No, no, we live together. We're in the same flat.

-What do you do at university?

-I do law.

-And you, Lucy?

-English Lit.

How long into the first term did it take you to get together?

-It was the end of the first term.

-Yeah.

-December.

-It was a Christmas thing. A Christmas romance.

Aww! Well, that's wonderful.

Ali, what do you do when you're not reading Law?

Erm, I've done quite a bit of music in my life

before joining university

and in between starting at York, I was in a band for three years.

-What was the name of your band?

-Elliot Minor.

-Elliot Minor. Richard.

I do know Elliot Minor, yeah. That's weird.

You did a cover of Rule The World, the Take That song.

-Yep.

-And I once played that to Gary Barlow.

-You didn't.

-Yeah. He was very impressed. I did, honestly.

-Oh, good.

-Isn't that weird?

-That is weird!

-And you're in Elliot Minor?

-Not any more.

-Yeah, they were rubbish, Elliot Minor.

-They were quite good and now,

-since...

-Are they gone for good or have they just got rid of the keyboardist?

They haven't gone for good. Everyone's taking time out to do their own thing.

That's usually a good sign for a band.

-LAUGHTER

-Well, very well done, Ali. It's great to have you on the show.

Next we welcome back Juanita and Cheryl. You were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless final and this is your last chance. Remind us how you did.

We went out in the first round. I got the question wrong, but it was her fault.

LAUGHTER

-Well, yeah...

-Then she pulled a nine-pointer out of the hat in the second round.

I'm trying to think what a nine-pointer is. It sounds...

And it fits in a hat? What do you like to do, Juanita?

I do lots of things. I write a bit of poetry.

-What sort of poetry do you write?

-Comic verse.

-Comic verse.

-I do a lot of comic verse, yes.

Fantastic. You wouldn't like to come up with a comic verse for us, would you?

-SHE LAUGHS

-Well, erm...

Alexander and Richard, you'll see

on that Pointless show on BBC.

As a pair, they're a hit

-cos...

-Oh, hang on.

-Hold on a minute!

-Yeah, I see!

-I don't like the way this is going!

Now, now, now, this is the BBC. Cos they're so full of wit.

LAUGHTER

Comic banter and grand repartee.

-Aww! What about that?

-Very good.

APPLAUSE

You are full of wit!

LAUGHTER Well, I like to think that, together, we're full of wit,

-which makes us both half-wits.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

Very good. Thank you for that, Juanita. We might come back to you for some more.

Very best of luck to the pair of you. Great to have you back.

And finally we've got Paul and Nick. How do you two know each other?

-We're brothers-in-law.

-Brothers-in-law?

Well, he's my half-brother-in-law cos he's not married yet.

LAUGHTER

We are engaged but just not married yet, that's all.

-So I'm his half-brother-in-law, obviously.

-Half-br...

-Yeah.

You be whatever you like. What do you do, Nick?

I'm a housing officer for a local authority.

-Very good. How about you, Paul?

-I'm an electrician for the same local authority.

-Do you work together on projects often.

-No.

-Occasionally.

-Not after that last time.

-Only if I have to.

Yeah, only if he has to.

Nick, what would you like to see come up this afternoon?

A nice bit of science fiction would be good. Or comics.

Some really pointless stuff. I've got a mind full of pointless information.

You've come to the right place. Paul, how about you?

Anything except literature and whatever he's just said.

-Perfect. That's brilliant.

-That'll do me nicely.

-Fantastic.

We'll find out more about all of you throughout the show. There is only one person left to introduce.

He's got 99 problems but the facts ain't one.

-He's my Pointless friend. He's Richard.

-Hiya. Hello.

APPLAUSE

-How are you this afternoon?

-I mustn't grumble. How about you?

Yeah, not bad at all. We've got one returning pair today and that's Juanita and Cheryl.

We didn't see much of them last time, so it's a very open field.

Before the show, I have a look at the questions to see how I would've done.

Round two today, I think I did worse than on any question in Pointless history.

So maybe it's just me or maybe it's very difficult.

OK. We'll look forward to that one. Thanks, Richard.

We put all our questions to 100 people before the show, but we want the obscure answers they didn't get.

To stay in the game with a chance to win our jackpot, our players need to score as few point as they can.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time so we add £1,000 to it.

So today's jackpot starts off at £2,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, let's play Pointless!

In the first round, each of you must give me one answer and you cannot confer with your partner.

The team with the highest score at the end of the round will be eliminated.

If anyone gives me an incorrect answer, they score the maximum of 100 points.

So try and avoid those. Our first category this afternoon is football.

Football. Can you decide in your pairs who'll go first, who'll go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many England World Cup squads since 2000 as they could.

England World Cup squads since 2000. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for any player who was in the final World Cup squad

for the 2002, 2006 or 2010 World Cup.

Any player who was in the final squad. They didn't actually have to play in the finals,

but anyone who was in any of those three squads, please.

OK. Thank you very much, Richard.

Elaine and Denise, you all drew lots before the show and you get to go first.

So Elaine, you are the first person to answer this brilliant question.

-I think you know all of the squads since 2000.

-No.

It's just a matter of picking a nice obscure name.

It's not very obscure. Frank Lampard.

You're going to go for Frank Lampard. OK.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

-41.

-APPLAUSE

-41 for Frank Lampard. Richard.

-Yeah, well done, Elaine.

If it's a tough category for you, it's all about damage limitation.

He played every minute of the 2006 campaign and was also there in 2010.

Famously scored that goal that never was against Germany.

-Indeed.

-We'd have only lost 7-2 if that had gone in.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

So then, Lucy, we come to you. We are looking for players in England's FIFA World Cup squad since 2000.

Well, this is possibly the worst thing that could've possibly come up.

-Do you follow football at all?

-No!

-Even vaguely?

-No.

-Are you dimly aware of...

-I'm aware of the World Cup.

That's about as far as it stretches. Erm...

I will go for, erm, Emile Heskey.

Emily Heskey.

-You've pulled a nine-pointer out of the hat there!

-LAUGHTER

Emile Heskey. Let's see if that's right, and if it is, how many people said Emile Heskey.

Very well done, Lucy.

Down it goes!

-11!

-APPLAUSE

That's a great answer. Emile Heskey. Richard.

Yeah, well played, Lucy. Played in 2002 and 2010.

-I didn't think she was going to say that, did you?

-No.

-I thought you'd say Sir Bobby Charlton.

LAUGHTER That's a good answer.

-Where did Emile Heskey come from?

-I just thought that was quite an obvious one.

I only know about three and that was one of them.

-Done very well.

-Yeah.

Very well done, Lucy. So, Juanita.

I'm so glad Lucy knew three, because I only know one.

And it's going to be early bath for me, I'm afraid, this time.

The only England football player whose name I could tell you is David Beckham.

David Beckham.

-It's the only one I know.

-OK, well, David Beckham.

Let's see if that's right. You're hoping to score as few points as possible with David Beckham.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said David Beckham.

-63.

-APPLAUSE

Not bad! 37 better than 100. Richard.

Yeah. Again, it's not a 100. The only England player to score in three World Cups, David Beckham.

Now then, Nick, we come to you.

Remember, we're looking for England players in any of the England World Cup squads since 2000.

Erm, I'll go for....er....

..Neville. Gary Neville.

Gary Neville you are saying.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said Gary Neville.

-12!

-APPLAUSE

12 for Gary Neville. Richard.

Yeah, good answer. Played in '98 but also played in 2006, so a correct answer.

We're halfway through the round, so let's take a look at the scores.

She said it was the worst possible subject for her. She then scored the best score in the pass.

Lucy, that's wonderful, a score of 11.

Then up one to Nick and Paul on 12.

Then up to 41 for Elaine and Denise.

And then 63, Juanita and Cheryl.

So on the next pass, it's between Denise and Cheryl

to tussle out to see who can score the lowest. Back down the line. Second players, take your places.

OK, we're looking for players in England's FIFA World Cup squads since 2000.

Paul, Nick did pretty well there with Gary Neville.

The high scorers on 63 are Juanita and Cheryl.

If you can score 50 or less with this answer,

you are through to the next round. I'm guessing it's quite a good subject for you.

-Not really. I don't watch much football.

-Really?

-Yeah.

Erm, let's think.

Er, I feel quite stupid now.

-HE LAUGHS

-OK, I'll go with Phil Neville.

-Phil Neville.

-Yeah.

-LAUGHTER

OK. You're going to go with Phil Neville. Here is your red line.

If Phil Neville gets you below that red line, you are definitely through. Let's see.

Phil Neville, is it right? How many people said it?

-Ooh.

-Oh, no!

Bad luck, Paul. I'm afraid Phil Neville is an incorrect answer,

which means you score the maximum of 100 points. That takes your total to 112.

-Richard.

-Unlucky, Paul. He was in contention for all three squads but never made it into any of them.

They hold the record for England appearances by brothers, beating the Charltons by one cap.

-But Phil Neville hadn't played in 2002, 2006 or 2010, I'm afraid.

-OK.

OK. Bad luck, Paul. So, Cheryl, you've been thrown a lifeline by Paul there.

Paul and Nick are the current high scorers on 112.

If you can score 48 or less with this answer, you are through.

The last time I watched football, Gordon Banks was in goal for England.

-LAUGHTER

-That's how long ago it was.

The only name I can think of is Ashley Cole.

-Oh, see, all this...

-He's married to Cheryl, so...

Or was.

All this preamble of saying, "I know nothing about football." Straight out with a brilliant answer.

I say that. I say brilliant answer, it might be wrong, who knows?

Erm, there is a red line.

Ashley Cole gets you below that red line, you are through to the next round.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said Ashley Cole.

There we are, Cheryl. Well done you.

-You've done it!

-Yes!

-APPLAUSE

-Very, very good.

Scores you 31. Takes your total up to 94. Richard.

Yeah, played in all three of those World Cups. He's a distant relation of Mariah Carey.

And was briefly an even closer relation of Cheryl Cole.

But not any more. LAUGHTER

-He's a distant relation of Mariah Carey?

-Yep.

-I never knew that.

-Did you not?

-Did anyone else know that?

-AUDIENCE: No.

-Did you know that?

-ALL: No. Well, he is. LAUGHTER

-Are they half-brothers-in-law?

-Yeah, yeah, they're half-brothers-in-law, yeah.

-So not that close then.

-That's what they are. They're cousins, distant cousins.

Anyway, there we are. Now then...

..Ali and Lucy, you are in a fantastic position.

It doesn't matter what you say here, Ali. You're through to the next round.

You'll never overtake Paul and Nick's score of 112.

Bearing that in mind, Ali, why not see if you can find a pointless answer?

-There must be a pointless squad member.

-There must be.

Erm... I've got loads of footballers' names running around my head

and no-one's mentioned a goalkeeper, so I'm going to go for David James.

David James you are saying. Well, as I said, you are through to the next round whatever happens.

So there's no red line for you. Let's see, David James, is it right, and how many people said it?

-20!

-APPLAUSE

20 for David James. Perfectly decent score, takes your total up to 31.

Yeah, well played, Ali. He was the oldest player at the 2010 tournament, David James.

62. LAUGHTER

-Right. Now then, Denise. 41.

-This isn't my subject.

-It isn't?

-Not really, no.

You are on 41. The high scorers remain Paul and Nick on 112.

-That means if you can score 70 or less...

-OK.

-..you are through to the next round.

I'm trying to remember when I've sat with my sons watching football.

Erm, I'll try Teddy Sheringham.

Teddy Sheringham you are saying. Teddy Sheringham.

Let's see if that is right, and if it is, let's see how many people said Teddy Sheringham.

It's right!

And you are through!

-Look at that! Denise!

-APPLAUSE

The best score of the whole round!

Two points for Teddy Sheringham, takes your total up to 43. Richard.

Well played. It scored very low because he was reaching the end of his career in 2002,

so people didn't realise he played then. One of the pointless answers bears that out, as well.

There's only four pointless answers of all the names of anyone in those squads. Let's take a look.

Martin Keown played in 2002, the Arsenal defender, he was pointless.

Danny Murphy, who was in the 2002 squad, withdrew from injury, now Fulham captain.

Gareth Southgate was a pointless answer, very famous, I think people forgot he was still around in 2002.

And Kieron Dyer was also a pointless answer.

Very well done if you said any of those four at home.

Let's look at the top scorers, the ones most people said.

John Terry on 43.

Wayne Rooney on 61.

And David Beckham on 63, the most popular answer of all.

Thank you very much, Richard.

So, at the end of round one, the losing pair with the highest score, Paul and Nick.

Dear, oh, dear, oh, dear! Phil Neville.

-Not a lot I can say about that, is there?

-Yeah, well, that's a shame.

-I'll never live it down.

-A great shame, we have to say goodbye to you now, but we'll see you again next time.

-OK.

Very best of luck then. I'm sure you'll go further than round one.

-Meantime, thanks very much for playing.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

Now, there's only room for two pairs in the head-to-head round,

so one of the teams in front of me will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Try and make sure it's not you.

The category for round two this afternoon is Hollywood.

Hollywood. Of course, this is the one you thought was difficult.

-Well, I did very badly on it.

-You did very badly.

-Doesn't mean it's difficult.

-OK.

Can you decide in your pairs who will go first, who will go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

And our question concerns Hollywood couples and their films.

Hollywood couples and their films. Richard.

We'll show you a list of six famous Hollywood couples on each pass.

We asked 100 people, "In which film did they first appear together?"

The more obscure answers will score you fewer points, the incorrect answers will score you 100 points.

12 couples in all, 12 films to try and guess at home.

OK, so we are looking for the feature films in which these famous couples first appeared together.

And we have got...

Ooh, they are tough. But they're going to be tough for everyone,

so this is going to be a very high-scoring round.

-What are you thinking, Elaine?

-Nothing. Er...

-I can't even think of anything.

I'm going to have to say Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Cleopatra.

OK, you're going to say Cleopatra for Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton.

-Is that a guess?

-Yes.

We're pretty sure they were in that film. Were they in another film before that?

You're going to say Cleopatra for Burton and Taylor. Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

It's right! Very well done, Elaine.

-Down it goes, look at that, 27! That's a great score.

-APPLAUSE

Very well done. 27 for Cleopatra. Richard.

Well played. From 1963, Cleopatra.

Now then, Lucy. Lucy, what are you thinking of this board behind me?

When you first announced the question, I thought, "Yeah, I think I'll be OK at this".

But I honestly don't know any of those.

Erm, I'm really going to have to completely guess,

and say Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder, Edward Scissorhands.

OK, you're going to say Edward Scissorhands for Johnny Depp and Winona Ryder.

-That's a stab in the dark.

-Yeah. I'm pretty sure it's wrong.

Well, let's find out. Is it right, and if it is, how many people said Edward Scissorhands?

It's right!

-13!

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Lucy does it again! A fantastic score. She says she doesn't know, she does know.

Well done, Lucy. That's a real Emile Heskey of an answer, that one.

LAUGHTER

That's from 1990. Johnny Depp had a tattoo that said, "Winona forever"

and when they split up he had the "na" crossed out,

so it now says, "Wino forever." LAUGHTER

Thank you very much. Now then, Juanita.

We are looking for the films in which these couples first appeared together.

I would have gone for Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. It's the only one that I know.

I know the film with Humphrey Bogart and Lauren Bacall but I can't remember the title.

Erm...

And I don't even know if Michael Douglas was in this

but I'm going to go for Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas in Zorro.

Zorro you are going to say for Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people knew that answer, Zorro.

Bad luck, Juanita. That's an incorrect answer,

you score a maximum score of 100 points. I'm sorry.

-Richard.

-Catherine Zeta Jones was in it but no Michael Douglas.

Anthony Hopkins starred opposite her in that. Let's look at all the answers, starting with that one.

Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas, it would have scored you three points.

Well done if you said Traffic. Traffic, the first film they were in.

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman have been in three films together. But which was first?

-Days Of Thunder.

-It was Days Of Thunder, yes. And a very handy ten points there.

Courteney Cox and David Arquette?

Scream was the answer there.

It's the top answer on the board with 40.

-And the Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall answer?

-To Have And To Have Not.

-Is the correct answer.

That was pointless. Very well done if you said that. That would have added some money to the jackpot.

OK, we're halfway through the round so let's look at the scores.

Lucy, she's done it again, lowest score in the pass, 13.

Very well done. A little bit over double that is Elaine and Denise's score of 27.

And quite a lot over double that is Juanita and Cheryl's high score of 100.

So Cheryl, you have your work cut out in this next pass. OK, can the second players take their places?

OK, we're going to put six more famous couples on the board, and here they are.

Remember, we are looking for the films in which these couples first starred together,

you're trying to find the one that the fewest of our 100 people knew.

-Cheryl, I think you'll know a couple of these.

-My part-time job involves working in an arts cinema,

and I don't think I know any of these.

If they had been Hollywood musical couples, I might have had a better idea.

Er, I'll make a stab at Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis in...

I think he was in one called The Black Knight.

The Black Knight you are saying for Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis. There it is, third one down.

Let's see if that's right. If it is right, that might be a spectacular low answer.

Let's see if it is, and if it is, how many people said The Black Knight.

Bad luck, Cheryl. I'm afraid that is an incorrect answer,

which scores you the maximum of 100 points and it takes your total up to an unbeatable 200, I'm afraid.

-Richard.

-Unlucky. I won't give the answer in case Ali or Denise want to have a go.

OK then, Ali. The high scorers are Cheryl and Juanita on 200 points.

They are way ahead of you. Even if you score 100, you are still through to the head-to-head.

Erm, there's one that I'm pretty sure I know there.

And that is Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I think that's Twilight.

Twilight for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. Let's see if that's right, and if it is,

how many people said Twilight.

Very well done!

-45!

-APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 58. Richard.

Well played, Ali. Safe and sound. They've filmed five of those films together,

-from the Stephenie Meyers series of books.

-Wow.

-I've seen a couple of them.

-Mm-hm.

-And that's all I'm saying. LAUGHTER

-Yeah.

So then, Denise, you're through, come what may.

-Am I through?

-It doesn't matter. You'll never overtake Cheryl and Juanita's high score of 200.

-So, Denise.

-Erm, I'm really stuck.

The only one I think might be right

is Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, Mr and Mrs Smith.

Sounds good to me. Let's see if Mr and Mrs Smith is right for Angelina and Brad.

Let's see how many people said Mr and Mrs Smith.

It's right!

High score, 68. It doesn't matter, you're through anyway. Your total is 95. Richard.

Well played, Denise. That film won the MTV awards in 2005

for Best Fight and Best Kiss involving the two of them.

It's not a bad combination, is it? Let's take a look at all the rest of the answers.

-Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe, do you know that one?

-Don't know.

That's a version of Les Liaison Dangereuses, Cruel Intentions. Would have scored you 12 points.

Warren Beatty and Annette Bening is Bugsy.

That would've scored one point. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez?

-That's in the famously terrible Gigli.

-Oh!

-Would've scored you two points.

Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis, there's no shame in not getting it as it's a pointless answer.

It was Houdini. Houdini was when they first matched up. It was a pointless answer.

I think the film you're thinking of is The Black Shield Of Falworth, which was the year after Houdini.

So at the end of round two, the losing pair with the highest score, I'm afraid it's Cheryl and Juanita.

Oh, dear, oh, dear. That was a very tough round that, wasn't it?

And if you're going to fail, fail spectacularly.

You have! You've done exactly that! There's no shame in going out with a high score like that.

You've tried very hard.

-You know Juanita wrote us a poem?

-Yes, Richard.

-I've written Juanita a little poem.

-Do you want to hear it?

-No.

-On air?

-LAUGHTER

Our Scottish contestant, Juanita, was convinced she'd become a world beater,

but to Cheryl's great sorrow, she went and said Zorro,

allowing everyone else to defeat her. APPLAUSE

On which note, I'm afraid we have to say goodbye to you. But thanks for playing. Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, things get more exciting as we enter the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Well done, Ali and Lucy, Elaine and Denise, you've made it to the head-to-head.

Only one pair can make it through to today's final and play for the jackpot

which currently stands at £2,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're going to go head-to-head on the best of three questions.

For each question, each pair needs to give me just one answer, but you are now allowed to confer.

Just come up with an answer that scores less than the other pair and you win that question.

The first pair to get to the best of three plays for the jackpot. Let's play Pointless!

OK, here is your first question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many original Warsaw Pact countries as they could.

Warsaw Pact countries. Richard.

We want the English name of any of the eight original countries who joined the Warsaw Pact in 1955.

We're looking for the names of the countries as they were when they signed.

See if you can get all eight at home. It's quite tough to get all eight, I think.

OK, Ali and Lucy, because you've played best throughout the show, you get to go first.

Also because you played best, we have this little treat for you.

# Yeah, you and me, we can ride on a star

# If you stay with me girl

# We can rule the world

# Yeah, you and me, we can light up the sky

# If you stay by my side

# We can rule the world

-APPLAUSE

-Ah, what about that?

So that was Elliot Minor you were listening to there. Oh, yeah.

Erm, anyway, sorry. All of which preamble was a means of saying you get to go first.

Warsaw Pact countries.

-What's the Warsaw Pact?

-I've never heard of it but Warsaw's in Poland.

THEY WHISPER

-Japan?

-Actually... Japan, shall we try that?

-Yeah, OK.

This is a risk. And Lucy came up with it.

-We have no idea what it is.

-We're not sure what the Warsaw Pact is.

-Even though I did History A-Level.

-LAUGHTER

-Erm, Lucy suggested Japan.

-Thanks.

-But I quite like that answer, I think.

-OK, Japan.

We have Japan. Elaine and Denise, you can talk out loud if you like, if you have any further discussion.

I think they were the countries that were behind the Iron Curtain,

so Poland, Bulgaria, Romania,

maybe Albania, I don't know.

-But I think we'll go for a safe one.

-You think Poland was?

-Poland? Because you've got Warsaw there.

-Poland.

-You're going to say Poland. So we have Japan...

-HE LAUGHS

-..and we have Poland.

Ali and Lucy said Japan. Let's see if it's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

Bad luck, bad luck. Elaine and Denise have gone for Poland.

-At this stage, all it has to be is correct. Poland.

-Come on!

It's right! Very well done.

-66 it scores.

-APPLAUSE

So after one question, Elaine and Denise are up one-nil. Richard.

Japan not in the Warsaw Pact. The Warsaw Pact is the Eastern European countries.

Let's look at all eight. There's a pointless answer here and you did say it, Albania.

You would have just added some money to the jackpot there.

Then Bulgaria 15, Romania 17, alongside East Germany.

Soviet Union 18, Hungary 21, and Czechoslovakia 21,

and then Poland, because it's Warsaw Pact, on 66.

OK, thanks very much, Richard. So, here is your second question.

Ali and Lucy, you have to win this point to stay in the game.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name

as many Rising Damp actors as they could, Rising Damp actors.

We're looking for any of the actors credited with appearing in 20 or more episodes of Rising Damp please.

And Elaine and Denise, it's your turn to go first this time.

We'll go for Frances de la Tour.

Frances de la Tour you are saying.

Ali and Lucy, you have to win this point to stay in the game.

-I've literally got nothing.

-It's a little bit before our time.

Erm...

-John Cleese.

-John Cleese.

We have Frances de la Tour and John Cleese.

Elaine and Denise, you said Frances de la Tour.

-Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

-It is right, surely.

It is right! It is right.

-APPLAUSE

-22.

Now then, Ali and Lucy, you have gone for a complete shot in the dark with John Cleese.

It's unfortunate because this will decide whether you stay in the game. John Cleese.

Was he in Rising Damp? If he was, how many people said him?

Bad luck! As I think you probably feared, that's an incorrect answer

which means, after two questions, Elaine and Denise are straight through to the final, 2-0. Richard.

It's tough. If you don't know them, you don't know them. There's four answers on the board. Let's look.

Don Warrington was the best answer, he played Philip. Would have scored 13. He was in Strictly Come Dancing.

Frances de la Tour with 22. Richard Beckinsale, who was also in Porridge, with 26.

And Leonard Rossiter, who was Rigsby, scored 45. Well done if you got all four.

Thank you, Richard. So the losing pair at the end of the head-to-head is Ali and Lucy.

-Two really tough categories for you.

-I should have used some logic there.

-We did think Poland but we thought "Surely that's obvious".

-But anyway...

-LAUGHTER

-We will see you again next time. We look forward to that.

-You've been fantastic contestants. Thanks for playing. Ali and Lucy.

-APPLAUSE

But for Elaine and Denise, it's time for our Pointless final

and the chance to win our jackpot of £2,500.

Congratulations, Elaine and Denise. You fought off all the competition

-and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy. Well done.

-APPLAUSE

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

The rules are very simple. To win that money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer

that none of our 100 people could think of.

We haven't had any pointless answers on the show today. Find one now to go home with that money.

First, you've got to choose a category. You can choose from these three options.

-I don't know Pop Legends.

-No.

-Pop Legends, no.

Erm, what about American Novelists?

-I know some but I don't know modern ones. Shall we try it?

-Yeah.

-OK.

-Fashion, I'm not sure.

-OK?

-Yeah.

-American Novelists, please.

American Novelists it is. OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

Michael Crichton novels as they could. Richard.

We're looking for any novels written by Michael Crichton

and originally published under his own name prior to April 2011.

No non-fiction, short stories or journalism. Just any novels of Michael Crichton, please.

-That was, erm...

-OK. You now have one minute to come up with three answers.

And all you need to win that £2,500 is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Your 60 seconds start now.

-There was Jurassic Park...

-I have no idea.

-I was thinking traditional ones.

-Jurassic Park, er...

-Erm...

-I haven't got a clue.

-I haven't got any clue whatsoever.

I know he certainly did Jurassic Park, Michael Crichton.

We're going to have to make some up. Erm...

-Would he have written something called The Swamp?

-THEY LAUGH

A follow-up to Jurassic Park.

Oh, Jurassic Park. Erm... I can only think...

I can't even think of, erm... I think we should have had Fashion.

-Pop Legends we should have had.

-THEY LAUGH

-No. I just can't think of anything.

-We've got to make some up quickly.

-Jurassic Park.

-Yeah.

-Jurassic Park 2.

LAUGHTER

And 3!

We have Jurassic Park. Erm...

Five seconds left.

The Shadow and The Swamp.

-OK, your time is up. Oh, you poor things!

-We should have had Fashion.

-Or Pop Legends.

-It's awful when this happens.

-And slightly hilarious.

-LAUGHTER

What I now need from you are three Michael Crichton novels.

-Jurassic Park.

-Jurassic Park.

-Come on, Denise.

-Shadow.

-Shadow.

-And The Swamp.

-And The Swamp. There we are.

Of those three, which do you think is your best shot at a pointless answer?

-The Swamp.

-OK, The Swamp. We'll put The Swamp last.

-Shadow in second place?

-Yeah.

-Shadow in second place.

And Jurassic Park first. OK. Let's put them on the board in that order. And here they are.

Right. Michael Crichton Novels, that was the category. You said this was your least confident answer,

but you only need one pointless answer to win that £2,500 jackpot.

Let's see if Jurassic Park is right, and if it is, let's see how many people said it. Jurassic Park.

It's right.

If this were to go all the way down to zero,

you never know, our 100 people might not know their Michael Crichton novels,

then you will leave here with £2,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I was cut off there by the number 22.

That's not a pointless answer. You only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Let's just say Shadow was a Michael Crichton novel.

-I'd kiss her...

-THEY LAUGH

-..if it was.

What would you do with £2,500?

Go on holiday.

-And so would I. A holiday.

-A holiday. Very good.

OK, back to the present. We're looking for Michael Crichton novels.

Your second answer, Shadow. There it is.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said it.

If it's correct and it goes down to zero, you will leave here with £2,500. Shadow.

Oh! Bad luck!

I think we suspected that might have been the case.

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot, and it's all resting on The Swamp.

-Someone has written a novel called The Swamp.

-Not him.

-Was it Michael Crichton?

Well, this was the answer you chose to put last. Let's put it to the test.

Is it right? If it is right, and it goes down to zero, you leave here with £2,500. The Swamp.

-No!

-APPLAUSE

-Bad luck!

-APPLAUSE

Well, unfortunately, that was an incredibly tough category

and you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless answer

so you don't win today's jackpot of £2,500, which rolls over onto the next show.

You have been fantastic contestants and you do get to take home our Pointless trophy.

APPLAUSE

-Oh, dear, Richard.

-Yeah, pretty tough. A lot of his novels made into films, so some big scorers.

Jurassic Park is the biggest scorer, Jurassic Park The Lost World.

Andromeda Strain, Disclosure, Timeline, all those were scorers.

There's only four pointless answers. Let's take a look at all of them. See if you got these at home.

Eaters Of The Dead about an epic Viking journey.

Rising Sun, that's an LA murder investigation.

State Of Fear, an eco-terrorist novel.

And he directed The Great Train Robbery, set in Victorian London. Sean Connery was in the film of that.

-Oh, what a shame.

-Did you know any of those pointless answers?

-Never read any Michael Crichton.

-Unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to you, Elaine and Denise. Thanks for playing.

-BOTH: Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Nobody's won the jackpot today so it rolls over,

which means on the next show, we will be playing for £3,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Join us next time. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

-CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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