Episode 54 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

Now, first we welcome Mary and Sophie.

How do you two know each other?

Er, Sophie's my only child, and, erm, we live in North London.

She's still living at home. Erm, and she will move out one day.

Splendid. What d'you like to do, Sophie?

Erm...well, at the moment it's attending weddings,

cos all my friends are getting married.

And I've joined a book club, which is cool.

What are you reading at the moment?

It's a sci-fi novel, which has been recommended by someone else.

What are the rest of the group feeling?

They like sci-fi, or are your...?

Erm, I think we're struggling a little bit. It's a bit of a tome.

-Have you had to recommend your own book?

-Not yet.

-I imagine I'd be a bit nervous about that.

-Yeah.

I wonder if I'd recommend one a bit higher brow

than the type of book I normally like,

so people thought I was very clever.

-That's my strategy.

-That's exactly what I would do.

Mary, what are your hobbies?

Erm, I love travelling and we do a lot of travelling together.

We've been to quite a few places...

-Is she a good travelling companion?

-Love travelling with her.

We always laugh at the same things...

"We always laugh at the same people."

Usually ourselves!

Well, lovely having you on the show.

Very, very best of luck. And now, next we welcome Laura and Naomi.

How do you two know each other?

Laura and I both had our first children last year,

-so we met at a mother and baby group.

-Did you?

-So this was after the children were born?

-That's right.

It was both our first days and we were in the queue for a coffee,

and spotted each other and have been good friends ever since.

-Where have you come from?

-From Edinburgh.

-From Edinburgh.

-What do you do, Laura?

-I'm a primary school teacher.

Splendid. Any... What particular age? Primary school...the whole lot?

The lot. I've taught nursery, I've taught primary seven,

and I've taught in the middle, so...anyone, I'll teach anyone.

You'll teach anyone,

and what d'you like to do in your spare time, Naomi?

I still enjoy eating out when we can and cooking,

and I'm quite a sports fan as well, so as and when I can,

I'll get to watch live sport or...

Just general sport or are there sports you like to follow?

Football primarily, that's my number one.

-Whose idea was it to come on the show?

-It was mutual.

-Mutual.

We take joint responsibility.

All the mummies in our group, we all watch Pointless,

and we were the two that decided we'd come on and give it a bash.

Well, very best of luck to the pair of you.

BOTH: Thank you.

Next, we welcome back Jean and Paul. You were on the show last time.

Remind us what happened.

Must we?

We went out on the second round, which was on musical theatre.

We both got our questions wrong, so scored 200 points.

It was a good round for you two! You did so well!

We're still waiting for the brooches.

-Right, yes...

-The 200 Club...

The 200 Club, yes. You are our latest additions to the 200 Club.

We haven't worked out what members of the 200 Club should get,

but...well, ridiculed!

-Yes. Maybe an encyclopaedia.

-An encyclopaedia! There we are.

-Thanks(!)

-Splendid. Jean, now then, this is the show

when you're going to redeem yourselves.

-What are the categories that are going to help you do that?

-Erm...

Geography, OK. Geography would be fine, erm...if you're listening!

Who the hell are you talking to?!

-I'm listening.

-Oh-oh!

That sounded like a prayer!

-Well...!

-Erm...very good. Paul?

-For me it would have to be Doctor Who.

-Splendid.

That would be a great thing for you?

Yes it would, cos my grandad built me

a life-size Dalek that I could actually get inside and control.

-It's awesome!

-Did it have all the lights and stuff?

There's buttons so you can make the main light

go on the eye stalk and you can make the lights on the top flash.

It's even got a voice changer, so you could talk like a Dalek.

-Just exemplary grandfathering! That's superb!

-That's awesome.

That's raising the bar for any grandfathers.

Jean and Paul, lovely to have you back on the show. Very best of luck.

Finally, welcome, Austin and Niall. You were also on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances, you see.

And this is your second chance. Remind us what happened with you.

We got to the head-to-head, where we experienced

the highs and lows of a pointless answer and a wrong answer.

On the evidence of your performance last time,

we'd have to say you're favourites, surely, to get to the final.

-As I say that, your chances now are...

-Shattered.

-Shattered, yes!

Austin, what would you like to see come up this afternoon?

Well, I'm a big pop music fan, so, like, Top 40 hits

by Des O'Connor, something like that there would be quite good...

Yeah, OK...Top 40 hits by Des O'Connor.

Splendid. Niall, how about you?

I enjoyed the musical theatre round the last time.

Should have declared an interest, being a member

of the Ulster Operatic Company for the past ten years.

Ahh...so you've sung in lots and lots of musicals?

I've sung in quite a few. My favourite show, actually,

is one where I haven't sung at all.

I actually operated the plant in The Little Shop of Horrors.

It starts off a little, sort of, hand puppet,

-and grows into this big monster that eats people.

-Fantastic!

Very good indeed. Well, it's great having you back on the show.

Very, very best of luck, despite my predictions for you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

There's one person left to introduce. He's a man who gets paid

for slating the obvious! Ha-ha!

-He's my Pointless friend, Richard.

-Hello.

APPLAUSE

Hello there.

-How are you?

-I'm very well, yeah. Should be a good show today.

-Austin and Niall were fantastic on the last show.

-They were.

Really good head-to-head. Very unlucky.

I think they're going to be very tough to beat.

Jean and Paul got to Round Two. They might do well.

Bad news for Laura. Round One is the sort of thing

a primary school teacher should do well at.

Sorry about that.

Ooh. OK, thank you very much, Richard.

We put all our questions to 100 people, but this is Pointless.

We're after the obscure answers. To stay in the game

with a chance to win our jackpot,

our players need to score as few points as they possibly can.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer

that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000 to that.

So today's jackpot starts off at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

Let's play Pointless.

In the first round, each of you must give one answer,

and you cannot confer with your partner.

Whichever team has the highest score will be eliminated.

If anyone gives me an incorrect answer,

they will score the maximum of 100 points.

So, try to avoid those if you possibly can.

OK, our first category this afternoon is...

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second.

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many words ending in ...ARM as they could.

Words ending in...ARM. What a pleasing constellation of letters!

Yeah, we're looking for any word in the Oxford English Dictionary

online edition that ends in the letters ARM.

Hyphenated words won't count and proper nouns won't count either.

And we won't accept the word "Arm".

Just in case anyone was thinking of saying that.

Thank you very much, Richard.

Now then, Mary and Sophie, you all drew lots before the show,

and this afternoon you get to go first.

So, Mary, we are looking for words that end in ...ARM.

Well, I'm racking my brain to think of something

as obscure as possible, but the best I can come up with is disarm.

Disarm. Let's see if it's right, and if it is,

let's see how many people said disarm.

It's right.

32.

Nothing wrong with that. 32 for disarm, Richard.

Yeah, well played, Mary. Fairly safe start. Disarm.

It's a way of telling the doctor which arm is hurting.

Now, Laura. Will all your class be watching, d'you think?

I think they probably will, yeah.

I can't think of anything other than forearm.

Forearmed is forewarned. Let's see if that's right.

Hoping to score as few points as possible.

And if it is, let's see how many people said forearm.

Very well done. That's a great score, Laura.

Very good. 10 for forearm.

Well played, Laura. Very good answer. Forearm.

The forearm. It's the part between the elbow and the wrist.

-Paul.

-Hello.

Paul, hello. What word ending in ARM are you going to give me?

-I'm going to go with alarm.

-Alarm.

OK, alarm. You're hoping to score as few points as possible.

Let's see if alarm's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right.

65!

65 for alarm.

Yeah, pretty big score.

A warning sound meant to convey an imminent threat.

Now then, Niall. Remember, we're looking for words that end in ARM.

I'm tossing up between two, and I'm going with underarm.

-Underarm.

-The other one is overarm, as you might have guessed.

Very good. Underarm, which in fact features in my name.

Alex Underarm-strong.

You're hoping to score as few points as possible.

Let's see if underarm is right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said underarm.

Very well done, Niall. That's a great answer.

Best answer of the pass.

-Underarm. Four, Richard.

-Very good answer, Niall. Well played.

-Obviously means under the arm, or a way of bowling a ball.

-Splendid.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

Niall and Austin, looking very strong with a lovely score of four.

Then up to 10, where we find Laura and Naomi.

Then up to 32, where Mary and Sophie currently reside.

And then, up to 65, Paul.

That was quite a high-scoring answer, wasn't it?

So, Jean, you're going to have to find a brilliantly low-scoring

answer on the next pass, if we're to see you after this round.

Right, we're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players take their places at the podium?

-OK, remember, we are looking for words ending in ARM. Austin.

-Yes.

The high scorers are Jean and Paul on 65, which means

if you can score 60 or less, you are definitely through

-to the next round.

-OK.

There's a word I have in mind, but I can't be sure whether it's a word,

and second of all, might be hyphenated, so...

I might have to go for something slightly safer.

So I'm going to use my charm, and say charm.

You're going to say charm. Well, here is your red line.

If charm gets you below that red line, it'll get you anywhere.

OK, let's see. Charm, is it right?

And if it is right, how many people said charm?

It's done it! Very well done, 55.

55 takes your total up to 59. Richard.

Yeah, well done, Austin.

A trait that exerts an attractive influence or a spell. Charm.

Now, then. Jean and Paul. You're the highest scorers.

-You have to score as low as you can with this answer.

-I know!

I'm toying with something which might be dialect or it might

be half of something else.

Erm... Or I might just have imagined that it exists at all!

I am not quite sure.

I've not got any other answers, so I'm going to try barm.

As in barmy?

No, a barm cake.

Barm, as in barm cake.

Oh, well, barmy, but barm cake I prefer!

Paul's right behind you, Jean. You're saying barm.

No red line for you, obviously, cos you are the high scorers.

Let's see if barm's right, and if it is, how many people said it.

It's right. Very well said, Jean. It's right.

17!

17 for barm, takes your total up to 82. Richard.

Yeah, barm as in barm cakes.

It's the fermentation process, actually, that makes bread.

But barm can also be another word for a lady's bosom.

(I beg your pardon?)

Yeah! So, if your husband calls you barmy, just say, "Thank you very much."

Thank you very much.

Er, now then, Naomi.

The high scorers are still Jean and Paul, now on 82.

You're on 10, which means if you can score 71 or less,

you're through to the next round.

I'm struggling to think of anything very clever,

so I'm going to go with what I hope is a safe answer, and go with warm.

Very good, you're hoping the "orm" pronunciation might put

-people off its scent.

-That's the logic.

OK, there's your red line. That's what 71 looks like.

If you can get below that red line, you are through to the next round.

Let's see if warm gets you down there. Warm.

It's right. And you are through!

It's still going down, look at that. 46!

46 takes your total up to 56.

Richard.

Yeah, well played, Naomi. That's seen you safely through.

Now then, Sophie, we come to you. You're on 32.

The high scorers, Jean and Paul, are on 82.

You have to score 49 or less to be through to the next round.

What are you thinking?

Erm, I found this quite hard, actually, but I'm going with it.

It might be a risk. I'm going to go for self-harm.

OK, you're hoping that's correct. You're hoping that's one word.

Yes. Yeah.

Self-harm. Let's see if it's right

and if it is, let's see how many people said self-harm.

Bad luck, Sophie! Bad luck. That's the right sort of risk to take,

but I'm afraid it's an incorrect answer.

That scores you 100 points and takes your total up to 132. Bad luck.

Richard.

Yeah, sorry Sophie. Hyphenated.

Self-harm which is what you have to do

if you're moving from the country to the city.

Y-y-es!

Sell farm, yeah.

Yeah, that took me all of a minute to get. Very good.

So, that's a real bit of luck there for Jean and Paul.

Paul got away with his alarm.

Funnily enough, if you'd said unalarm or disalarm,

you would have got a pointless answer.

Both pointless. Let's take a look at some more pointless answers, though.

Countercharm, which means to counter the effect of a charm, as in

the expression, "That Piers Morgan is a very countercharming man."

Defarm, disalarm, which means to disconnect an alarm, or to placate.

-Johndarm, which is...

-Old English for a policeman?

Well, it's slang for a policeman. Taken from the French, gendarme.

Outarm, overswarm, that was a pointless answer.

Schwarm, which is a crush, if you have a schwarm on somebody,

you have a little crush on them.

Subfarm and unalarm, there you go. That was a pointless answer.

Well done if you said any of those.

Where was yard-arm on that?

Yard-arm is two words, or a hyphenated word.

-No!

-Yeah.

Oh, well, I'd have been swinging from it.

-Yeah. Wouldn't you just?

-Have I been...?

Let's take a look at the most popular answers,

the ones that most of our 100 people said.

We've already heard alarm there from Paul. That was 65.

Then harm, 73, and farm, 81.

Thank you very much, Richard.

So, at the end of Round One, the losing pair with the highest

score, I'm sorry to say, Sophie and Mary.

I thought that was a great answer, self-harm. Blooming hyphenated.

Who'd have known?

What a shame, though, and...did you have that all the way through?

No, my mind went completely blank,

and then my safe answer was taken by those guys, so I was like, no!

What a shame to be saying goodbye to you so soon, but

we will see you again next time, and we look forward to that very much.

Sophie and Mary, great contestants. Thanks for playing.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Now, there's only room for two pairs

in the Head-to-Head so one of the teams

now will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Our category for Round Two is...

Can you decide in your pairs who's going to go first,

who's going to go second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, so our Round Two question concerns...

TV game shows and their presenters. Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you a list of six TV game shows on each pass.

We asked 100 people,

"Who was the first person to be the main host of these shows?"

If you give us a nice obscure answer, you're going to score fewer points.

If you give us an incorrect answer, you'll score 100 points.

12 shows in all, 12 hosts to guess at home.

Thank you, Richard.

So, we're looking for the first person to present these game shows,

and here is our first list. We have got...

I'll read those all one more time.

There we are, Laura. There are six game shows.

I would like you to find the most obscure one there,

and name the person who presents it.

Crikey!

I know some of them. I'm going to take a bit of a punt.

Sorry! I'm going to go for the Crystal Maze, and Richard O'Brien.

-You're not sure about that?

-No!

-Naomi, what d'you think?

-I'm happy with that.

Naomi's happy. What more could you ask for, Laura?

Nothing. As long as Naomi's happy, I'm fine.

You're saying Richard O'Brien for Crystal Maze.

Let's see if it's right, and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

Yes, it's right!

Oh, it's a good answer. Look at that, 16!

16, for Richard O'Brien, Richard.

Yeah, very well played, Laura. Good start.

Presented the first four series' of that.

Also created the Rocky Horror Picture Show, Richard O'Brien.

Brilliant. Thank you very much indeed, Richard. Now then, Jean.

I'm hoping that this woman is the only presenter of the programme

I have in mind, because if there was one prior to her, it's curtains.

Erm, Victoria Coren, Only Connect.

Vicky Coren, Victoria Coren, Only Connect.

Very good. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, let's see how many people knew that answer.

Victoria Coren. Only Connect.

It's right.

Very, very well done indeed, Jean!

Brilliant!

One point.

-One point for Victoria Coren.

-Yeah, very well played, Jean.

Lovely Victoria Coren presents the BBC Four game show, Only Connect.

In a roundabout way, she's sort of your sister-in-law, isn't she?

She's my sister-in-law-in-law!

Yeah, her brother's wife is your...

-Wife's sister!

-We heartily recommend Only Connect!

You've been an answer on Only Connect.

Now Vicky's been an answer on this show!

Lovely Vicky's an answer on...aww, that makes us

-a sort of show...sister show!

-Show-in-laws!

-Show-in-laws.

-That's nice.

-It's lovely.

-They never come and visit, though, do they?

-Well, no, Christmas.

Only Connect came round ours last time,

so it's us round them next time.

They hung around a bit long, didn't they?

Now then, Austin, Austin, Austin!

You are the last person to have this board, so you can fill in

all the gaps and then pick which one you wish to submit.

OK, first of all I'd like to thank Jean for taking out Victoria Coren.

The other ones, obviously the Weakest Link would be Anne Robinson.

And Bullseye would be Jim Bowen.

Fifteen To One was William G Stewart, and 3-2-1's Ted Rogers.

So I'm going to go for 3-2-1 with Ted Rogers.

3-2-1, Ted Rogers. Very good indeed. Let's see if that's right.

Ted Rogers for 3-2-1, how many people knew that answer?

It's right!

18! Not bad at all.

-18, Richard.

-Yeah, well played, Austin, although actually,

you'd have been better off with Fifteen To One.

You're right, it's William G Stewart, would have only scored nine points.

He said, on quizzes, there's only one rule for questions.

They should either make you say "I know that,"

or they should make you say, "Ooh, I didn't know that."

-It's a very good rule.

-I didn't know that!

There you go! And you're absolutely right.

Anne Robinson was the Weakest Link, but would have scored you 77.

And Bullseye, of course, Jim Bowen, that would have scored 40.

So, the best answer on the board, Victoria Coren.

Well done if you got that at home.

Thank you, Richard. Let's look at the scores.

We're halfway through the round.

Jean and Paul, Vicky Coren stood you in very good stead there.

Lovely low score.

Then we go up to 16, where Laura and Naomi are,

and then up to 18 where Austin and Niall are.

So, not much between you. Right, we'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more game shows on the board,

and here they are. We have got...

I'll read those all one more time.

Remember, we are looking for the original host of these game shows.

Obviously, you're trying to find the one that the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Now, Niall, you're the highest scorers on 18, so you're going

to have to find the most obscure answer you can on that board.

I think Turnabout was Rob Curling.

You'll be pleased to hear that Austin is nodding behind you.

I'm very pleased to hear that!

Turnabout, Rob Curling. Let's hope that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people

said Rob Curling for Turnabout.

It's right!

It's right.

I think this might be a low one.

Oh, very, very well done indeed!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

That's a splendid answer, it's a pointless answer too!

It adds £250 to today's jackpot. Takes the total up to 2,750.

It scores you nothing, and it leaves your total at 18.

Very well done indeed, Niall. That's great. Richard.

Yeah, well played, Niall. It was on BBC1 from 1990 to 1996.

-I used to love Turnabout!

-Never heard of it.

-You've never heard of it?

-No.

-I could sing you the theme tune, now.

-Oh, sing me the theme tune!

Unfortunately, it would cost us millions of pounds in royalties...

-Sing me the theme tune!

-No!

-Sing me the theme tune!

-The thing on that show is they had spheres,

you had to turn sphere different colours.

They went from red to orange to blue,

which spells Rob, one of the many good things about Turnabout.

I didn't think anyone was going to get Rob Curling, I'm delighted!

-That's made my day.

-Very good.

Splendid! Now then, Paul.

-Hello!

-Hello. You are on one.

The highest scorers are still Niall and Austin on 18.

If you can score 16 or less with your answer,

you are definitely in the Head-to-Head.

Right, I don't really recognise most of the games on there,

the only ones I know are the Cube and the Generation Game,

so I'll go for the Generation Game and hope it's the first presenter.

I'm going to go with Jim Davidson.

OK, you're going to go with Jim Davidson. Is that right,

for the Generation Game,

and if it is, how many people said it?

Bad luck, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer, Paul.

I'm afraid that scores you the maximum of 100 points,

-and it takes your total up to 101. Richard.

-Yeah, sorry, Paul,

there was more than one

presenter before Jim Davidson brought his own countercharm to that show!

I won't give the answer just in case Naomi wants to have a go with it.

OK, thanks very much, Richard. Now then, Naomi. You're on 16.

The high scorers at the moment are Paul and Jean on 101.

If you can score 84 or less, through you go to the Head-to-Head.

84 or less.

I think Every Second Counts might have been Bob Monkhouse.

I think the Generation Game was Bruce Forsyth.

I think the Cube might be Philip Schofield.

Can't for the life of me remember Blockbusters.

I'm going to say that the presenter of Going For Gold was Henry Kelly.

Henry Kelly. Going For Gold.

I can see some nods around the assembled contestantry!

There is your red line, that's what 84 looks like on our counter.

Will Henry Kelly get you below that red line?

Let's see. Going For Gold, Henry Kelly.

Well done, you've done it. And you're through.

Well done, 13, Naomi, that's great. Takes your total up to 29.

-Richard.

-Well played, Naomi. Very good answer.

Had that famous theme tune, composed by Hans Zimmer,

-the theme tune to Going For Gold.

-How does it go, Richard?

Nice try!

And, you know the first ever winner of Going For Gold was

Daphne from the Eggheads.

She won the first series of Going For Gold.

-Wow.

-Yeah, how about that?

Let's take a look at all the answers here.

The Cube is Phillip Schofield, would have scored you 55 points.

Now, the Generation Game, Naomi's absolutely right, it was

Bruce Forsyth, then it was Larry Grayson,

would have scored you 62 points.

Every Second Counts was actually Paul Daniels,

so that would have scored you 11.

And at the top of the board,

Blockbusters was of course Bob Holness.

Would have scored you 37 points.

So the best answer on that board very much Rob Curling,

so well done if you said that at home.

And very well done if you ARE Rob Curling at home, as well.

Thank you very much, Richard. So, at the end

of Round Two, the losing pair with the highest score,

I'm afraid it's Jean and Paul.

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear!

I was going to go with the Cube originally, as well,

and with Phillip Schofield, but I changed my mind.

Oh, no!

If it's any consolation, you'd have been knocked out anyway.

On 56.

Well, there you are. Exactly, some consolation, but not a great deal.

Well... it has been fantastic having you on the show, Paul and Jean,

you've been brilliant contestants, and I'm very sorry we have to

say goodbye to you so soon this time.

Thanks so much for playing,

-thank you.

-APPLAUSE

Things are about to get even more

exciting now, as we enter the Head-to-Head.

Very well done, Austin and Niall, Laura and Naomi.

You've made it through to the Head-to-Head.

Only one pair can make it through to today's final

and play for the jackpot, which currently stands at £2,750.

WHOOPING

Now for each question, each pair needs to give me

just one answer, but you are now allowed to confer.

You have to come up with an answer that scores less

than the other pair and you will win that question.

The first pair to win two questions will play for today's jackpot.

Let's play Pointless.

OK, here is your first question.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. England footballers named David, Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for any member of an England World Cup squad

or European Championship squad named David or Dave, from 1980,

right the way through to the World Cup in 2010.

Where two players share the same name,

we'll only accept the answer once.

OK. Now then, Austin and Niall,

you've played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

England footballers named David.

Erm, one, I think it might have been two of these people,

but I'm pretty sure that one definitely played for England,

and his name was Dave Watson.

-Dave Watson?

-Yeah.

Laura and Naomi.

England footballers named David. You can talk out loud if you like.

We don't have much to say on this!

I'd volunteer to be the brains on this one, and I've got

a blank mind at the moment, I mean there's the obvious David Beckham,

but I suspect that's not going to stand up to our colleagues' answer.

D'you want to go for a gamble, or d'you want to go for a safe bet?

No, let's go for it.

Are you sure, cos I strongly suspect...?

They'll be right. We've spoken to them, we know they'll be right.

-Let's go with David Speedie.

-David Speedie?

Austin and Niall have gone for Dave Watson.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Dave Watson.

It's right.

It's right.

Oh, ah-ha-ha!

I don't believe it, Austin and Niall have done it again!

This is the second Head-to-Head pointless answer

we've had from you in two shows.

Absolutely astounding. That's brilliant. That's wonderful.

That's a pointless answer, it adds £250 to the jackpot,

taking the total up to £3,000.

It scores you nothing.

Good luck, Laura and Naomi! You've gone for David Speedie.

Let's see if it's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said David Speedie.

Oh, well, bad luck, but if ever there was a category

and moment to get an incorrect answer,

it really didn't matter less.

I think you were going to have a job matching Dave Watson.

That means after one question, Austin and Niall are up one-nil.

-Richard.

-Blimey, they're good, aren't they?

You're right, as well, there were two Dave Watsons who

played for England, one largely in the '70s, one in the '80s.

The chant, "There's only one Dave Watson" doesn't work!

He's the only pointless answer up there. Dave Watson there on none.

The former Liverpool and Ipswich striker David Johnson on one,

Dave Beasant, the goalie, had two caps, scored two.

There's David Batty on 12.

Er, David Platt, 17. David James, 25.

David Seaman, 41, and look at Beckham!

David Beckham, 98 points, one of the

highest scores we've ever had on Pointless.

David Speedie is Scottish.

That's a bit embarrassing!

He's called David, though, and he's a footballer.

And he's called Speedie, which is even better.

Thank you. OK, here is your second question.

Laura and Naomi, we need you to win this question,

otherwise we have to say goodbye to you.

Here it comes. We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Members of Pink Floyd.

Just gets better and better, doesn't it? Richard.

We're looking for any person who's ever been

a member of Pink Floyd up to the beginning of April 2011, please.

There are six names on the list.

OK. Now then, Laura and Naomi, you go first this time.

THEY CONFER

We're... Sorry, we're just going to make up a name!

OK...

Yeah, we're not holding huge hopes. We're going to go for David Strang!

David Str...what a great made-up name, for heaven's sake!

-That's brilliant!

-He's called David! You know...!

I want to give you a point for that, at least! David Strang!

Austin and Niall, David Strang has gone!

That was going to be our answer!

We'll try, I think, is it Roger Waters? We'll try Roger Waters.

We have Roger Waters, we have David Strang.

David Strang, say Laura and Naomi. Is it right?

How many people said David Strang?

Bad luck. An incorrect answer, which means, Austin and Niall,

you merely have to be correct with Roger Waters.

Let's see if you are. Roger Waters.

Yep! You've done it.

And for what it's worth, it goes down to 34!

But all you had to be was correct after David Strang!

That means, after only two questions, Austin and Niall,

you are through to the final. Well done. Richard.

Unlucky, Laura and Naomi, but when you come back next time,

Niall and Austin won't be here! That's the good news.

David Strang, of course, he's the saxophonist in Genesis!

-Oh, he does exist?

-No, he's not really!

Sorry. Let's take a look at all six answers.

There's one good obscure answer here.

Bob Klose, who was the guitarist who left before their very first

single, scored six points. Well done if you got that.

Rick Wright, who was the keyboardist, sadly passed away in 2008,

he scored 18. Nick Mason, the drummer, 21. Dave Gilmour on 29.

Syd Barrett, the original frontman, on 30,

and Roger Waters, actually the top answer on 34.

Thank you, Richard, so at the end of the Head-to-Head,

the losing pair, I'm afraid it's Laura and Naomi.

Well you came up with two Davids, and you came up with one,

well one incorrect answer

and one just wonderfully made-up incorrect answer.

David Strang! The trouble is, I always like to pretend

I know all the answers to everything,

so when Richard said he was the saxophonist in Genesis, I was

about to sort of put on a face and go, "Yes, I knew that!"

It's awful! The great news is we'll see you next time,

when there'll be no more questions on members of Pink Floyd.

No more questions on footballers called David, and no more

Austin and Niall cos they're going through to the final now.

No excuse for you not to triumph next time, we'll look forward to that very much.

Meanwhile, thanks very much, Laura and Naomi, brilliant contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Austin and Niall, it's now time for our Pointless final

and the chance to win our jackpot of £3,000.

Massive congratulations, Austin and Niall.

You have fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy, so well done!

OK, you now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £3,000.

The rules are simple.

To win that money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer

that none of our 100 people could think of.

We've had two pointless answers on the show,

both of them were yours. You only have to find one more

and you will leave here with that money.

You've got to choose a category, from these three options.

They are...

-Military's out.

-What about theatre?

If it's very wide as well, I would lean more towards Britpop.

It'll have to be Britpop, yeah, out of those three.

We're going to go with Britpop.

OK, you're going to go for Britpop. Very best of luck.

OK, let's find out what that question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could. Blur Top 40 singles. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for any single released by Blur that reached

the UK Top 40 prior to May 2011, please.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that £3,000 jackpot is for just

one of the answers to be pointless. Your 60 seconds start now.

This Charmless Man.

-Song 2.

-Beetlebum.

-Yeah.

-And...Country House is too well known. Boys and Girls?

Yeah.

-Very well known.

-Did they have recent stuff after...?

The sort of mid-'90s, did they have later on? I can't remember.

Damon Albarn went, like the Gorillaz and that sort of stuff.

Erm...This Charmless Man, there's another one around that time.

-Can't remember what it was.

-Not really a big fan of Blur.

Well, I knew it was going to be Blur, Oasis, Pulp.

It's got to be one of those three.

We've got three anyway, Beetlebum, Song 2 and This Charmless Man.

Can't think of any other ones.

Will we use these last 20 seconds to think of any other ones?

D'you want to phone a friend?

Can we phone a friend? No, I think we've got three.

You have your three?

OK, well, we'll stop the clock there, then your time is now up.

We were looking for Blur Top 40 Singles.

I now need your three answers. What are they?

OK, we'll go for This Charmless Man.

-This Charmless Man.

-Song 2.

-Song 2.

-And Beetlebum.

-And Beetlebum.

Of those three, which d'you think is your best shot at a pointless?

-This Charmless Man?

-This Charmless Man.

OK, we'll put This Charmless Man third.

What shall we put first?

-Song 2?

-Yeah, Song 2.

OK, so Song 2.

And the middle one, Beetlebum. OK...

we'll put them up on the board in that order. Here they are!

We were looking for Blur Top 40 singles.

Remember, you only have to find one pointless answer to win

that jackpot of £3,000.

OK, here is your first answer. Song 2. Is it right?

How many people said Song 2?

It's right.

It's right. Now, if this goes all the way down to zero,

you will be leaving right now with £3,000 in your back pockets.

Down it goes, into...13.

Into the low teens.

It's looking pretty good. That was Song 2.

Well, unfortunately not a pointless answer.

You only have two chances left to win today's jackpot.

What would you do with £3,000?

I'd like to go back to... I was in Florida a few years back,

with my wife, but now I have a three-year-old daughter,

so I'd love to take her there to see Mickey Mouse and everybody else.

Lovely. Lovely. How about you, Niall?

I've got a long hankering for travel,

so I can take off again for a few weeks.

Maybe go back to Egypt, where I was a couple of years ago.

OK, well let's hope one of these two remaining answers will let

you do both of those things.

Your next answer is Beetlebum.

13 people got Song 2. Beetlebum, surely a more obscure answer.

-Surely.

-It was a number one, but I'm not sure many people...

-It was number one at a very quiet time of year.

-Exactly, yeah!

-Let's hope so.

-OK, this has to be pointless

if you're going to win that jackpot of £3,000.

Let's see if it's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Beetlebum.

It's right.

OK, so Song 2 went down to 13. Where is Beetlebum going to end up?

Down it goes. If this goes down to zero, you leave here with £3,000!

Ohhhh!

It's all going in the right direction. Six for Beetlebum!

Obviously not pointless, though.

OK, you only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is resting on This Charmless Man.

This was the answer you have the most faith in to be pointless.

That's what it has to be if you're going to win this jackpot.

Is it right? How many people said it? This Charmless Man.

Very, very best of luck, Austin and Niall.

Ohhhhhh!

Now, unfortunately, that's an incorrect answer.

We will discover... We will discover why.

I'm afraid you didn't manage to find that all-important pointless

answer, so I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £3,000, which

rolls over onto the next show, but you have been fantastic contestants.

Amazing contestants, and you do get to take home our Pointless trophy.

Yes, it's what we came for, really.

APPLAUSE

Er, yeah, unlucky, guys.

It's not This Charmless Man, you're maybe mixing it with

This Charming Man by The Smiths, it's just called Charmless Man, I'm afraid.

-Was it pointless?

-Would have scored you one point.

Phew.

So, in some ways a relief. Both of those singles you gave us,

both of those were from the album Blur.

Both from 1997, both big hits. Let's look at the pointless answers,

cos there's quite a few here, and I suspect you'll know some.

Bang, from their first album, that was pointless.

Chemical World, from Modern Life Is Rubbish,

also pointless. Their penultimate single, Crazy Beat, pointless,

from the Think Tank album. As was Good Song, that was from Think Tank.

MOR Was from the same album, Blur, as your other two answers.

The lovely No Distance Left To Run, that was a pointless answer.

Couple of Top Ten hits here. Out of Time,

probably the best Blur single, that's just

my opinion, and Stereotypes, another Top Ten single from the mid-'90s.

And Sunday Sunday, another of their early songs.

Popscene, also pointless, and For Tomorrow also pointless.

Very well done if you got any of those at home.

Thank you very much. How many of those did you know?

-None.

-That's a relief.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye, Austin and Niall,

but it's been brilliant having you on the show.

Thank you both so much for playing.

APPLAUSE

Nobody's won our jackpot today, which means it rolls over

onto the next show, when we will be playing for £4,000.

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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