Episode 32 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong. Welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where obvious answers mean nothing and obscure answers mean everything.

Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

We welcome back Fiona and Kevin.

You were on the show last time, everyone gets two chances to reach the final.

This is your second chance. Remind us how you know each other?

-We live together, with a dog.

-This is in Falkirk.

-Yes.

Remind us, Kevin, what happened last time?

-Last time, we had a rather bumpy ride...

-Yes.

-..to get to the head-to-head.

-You made it to the head-to-head. It was quite tightly fought.

Put out by one point.

Tell us what happened earlier in the game.

We went to a head-to-head due to scoring 200 points, along with another.

We had one of the highest-scoring games of Pointless ever.

Ever, ever, ever. It must be the highest-scoring game...

I can't imagine it would be possible to have a higher-scoring one.

-Fiona, what would you like to see come up?

-I'd still like geography.

-I'd like a bit of Disney. Quite an avid football fan.

-Are you?

Regularly support Scotland, our national team.

Go every home game.

-Kevin, any other interests?

-Completely different film stars

-from the last time!

-OK, anyone but Robert Redford.

-Yes.

Poor Robert Redford! I'd no idea so many people

knew so little. Please can he not have been watching...

-He was watching, I spoke to him afterwards.

-Really?

Oh, yeah. He was furious!

And he's here today...

LAUGHTER

Oh dear, oh dear. Fiona and Kevin,

let's see you back in the head-to-head, maybe beyond.

Next we welcome Neil and Karl, a new pair. Neil,

-where are you from?

-I'm from Peterborough.

-And Karl?

-Wrexham at the moment.

-How do you know Neil?

Neil is my brother-in-law, he married my sister.

Yep, that's how it works. Neil, what do you do?

I'm a computer software tester which means I test computer software.

LAUGHTER

-It's as rock 'n' roll as it sounds.

-What do you do when not testing software?

I play a lot of sports, watch a lot of sports,

talk about a lot of sports. And know a lot of things about a lot of sports.

So sports and IT. Anything else?

-Music is a big strong point for me, any genre.

-Any genre?

-Classical music?

-Maybe not 1920s Belgian jazz? That's not...

-Oh...

-Some might argue the best kind of jazz.

-Ah, 1920s...

-Round Three's not going to be fun.

No.

-OK. Karl, what do you do?

-I'm a blogger, I do a lot of writing for various websites.

-Any other interests that might...

-My music's pretty good.

-I was on Ken Bruce's PopMaster on BBC Radio 2.

-How did you do?

I came second, out of two!

-OK.

-But second, nonetheless!

-Well, you were runner-up.

-Yes.

Very best of luck to you, Neil and Karl. Next, we welcome

Paul and Stephanie, you were also on the show last time.

Remind us how you two know each other?

-We're married, we've been married for five years.

-Took you a little while to remember that!

-Yes!

What's going to be brilliant for you, Stephanie?

I did a European theatre degree.

Maybe some obscure European theatre would be good?

Good, yes? OK...good for Stephanie. European theatre?

-Yes.

-Who are your favourite European playwrights?

I quite like Marguerite Duras. Marguerite Duras.

-Margu... You are one of Marguerite's biggest...

-Man, oh, man,

do I like her / him!

-Marguerite Dur-r-r-as, that's a her, isn't it?

-She's a her.

I love the play she did about ...the thing about ennui and the small village.

-I liked that very much.

-Yeah.

That was terrific. In fact, we starred in a revival of that in the West End, didn't we?

-Mmm.

-Ennui In A Small Village.

LAUGHTER

Wonderful. It was called "Thierry Ennui".

-I remember.

-There was a French playwright called Anouilh.

SILENCE

Wow! Let's move on. Paul, Stephanie, lovely to have you back on the show.

Let's see more of you than we did last time.

Very best of luck. Finally, we welcome back Steve and James,

also on the famous show last time. Remind us how you did.

We did a little bit better, we got through Robert Redford, but we got to Round Two.

-Yes.

-Historical Prisons.

-Historic Prisons.

We can put that all behind us, today is a new day.

What's going to be good for you?

Any sport, TV, comedians,

-er, would be good.

-James? Anything else you want to nominate?

Possibly nature, not too bad on that.

-Natural history?

-A little bit, yeah.

-OK. Best of luck to you,

Steve and James, let's hope we see more of you as well.

We'll find out more about all of you in the show.

There's only one person left to introduce. If you're looking for facts about cake toppings,

he's got hundreds and thousands!

AUDIENCE GROANS

He's my Pointless friend, he's Richard.

Yeah. Hiya!

APPLAUSE

-Have you recovered from the last show yet?

-Barely!

-It was quite something, wasn't it?

-Oh...

-If I can get philosophical for a moment,

it's important in life to be in the right place at the right time,

isn't it? Opportunity comes your way and you make some of your own luck in this world,

but occasionally things fall in your lap.

I think Neil and Karl could not be in a better place and time than they are today!

LAUGHTER

Firstly, probably the highest-scoring pairs

you ever could come up against in Pointless history,

which is no-one's fault...

Education system, I don't know, parents, it's something!

But that happens to be the case. Secondly, a very, very big jackpot

at the same time. Right place, right time. Should be a cracking show.

I'd like to be Neil and Karl right about now.

Thank you very much, Richard. All our questions on Pointless

have been put to 100 people before the show.

We're looking for the obscure answers they didn't get.

To stay in the game and have a chance of winning our jackpot,

our players need to score as few points as they possibly can.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer -

an answer that none of our 100 people knew.

Each time that happens, we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

We didn't trouble the jackpot updaters too much last time,

and also, nobody won the jackpot last time

so we add another £1,000 to that.

Today's jackpot starts off at £11,500.

APPLAUSE

OK, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, each of you must give me one answer

and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score at the end will be eliminated.

If you give me an incorrect answer, you will score the maximum of 100 points. Try and avoid those.

Our first category is...

Can you decide who's going to go first and who's going second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our Round One question concerns...

Famous Joes, Richard.

We're about to give you a list of clues to famous people who are named Joe or Joseph.

One list going up and one going back. There's going to be 14 in all for you to guess at home.

Thanks very much. Kevin and Fiona, you drew lots before the show.

Today, you get to go first.

OK, we're looking for Famous Joes. And we have got...

I'll read those all one more time.

There are all the Joes. Kevin, what are you thinking?

-The only one I know is quite sad.

-Is it The X Factor winner?

-Yes.

LAUGHTER

I'll just go for that, Joe McElderry.

Kevin is saying Joe McElderry for the winner of 2009 X Factor.

Nothing sad about that at all. Is it right?

How many people said Joe McElderry?

It's right.

31.

APPLAUSE

-31 for Joe McElderry.

-Pretty big score, he won in 2009,

beat Olly Murs.

There we are, thank you very much.

We come to you, Karl, famous Josephs.

I'm pretty happy with this board, actually,

that there are quite a few I'm confident on.

It's a case of picking the one I think least people will know.

I'm going to go for the top one, Pope Benedict,

and go for Joseph Ratzinger.

Joseph Ratzinger, says Karl. Sounds good to me, let's see if it's right and how many people knew it.

Joseph Ratzinger. Very well done, it's right.

I've a feeling this will be going a long way down.

Yes! Very well done!

4, Karl. That's a great score.

Well played, a good start to your Pointless career.

He famously said he never wanted to become Pope.

I'm going to say he went into the wrong profession!

If you don't want to become Pope,

-don't become high up in the Catholic Church.

-But that's what happened. You want to become a cardinal,

cardinal's great. There's a great film called Habemus Papam...

..which is what they say when they send up the white smoke.

-Habemus Papam.

-We have a Pope.

-That's nice, isn't it?

Thank you, Richard. Paul, Famous Joes.

I'm quite happy with this. We're not going to get 100 points for this.

I think the best answer I know is Barack Obama's vice-president,

which is the gaffe-prone Joe Biden.

Joe Biden, gaffe-prone.

-He threw that in for nothing.

-How about that?

-No points for that.

Let's see, Joe Biden (gaffe-prone). Is he right, and if he is,

how many people knew that answer?

It's right.

I suspect it'll be another low one.

13, well done, Paul, good answer.

APPLAUSE

13 for Joe Biden.

-Well played, that must feel a bit better?

-A bit, yes.

Absolutely. He was a senator for over half his life, Joe Biden.

Career politician. And he is very famous for his gaffes.

He said the key thing for economic recovery was one simple three-letter word...

jobs.

James, remember we're looking for the surnames of Famous Joes.

I know three out of the four.

Fill in the gaps, you're the last person to have the board,

and you say which one you want to submit.

I don't know author of Catch-22. I think the Soviet Union's

Man Of Steel might be Joseph Stalin.

Boxing's Italian dragon, Joe Calzaghe,

but I think I'll go for

the baseball star married to Marilyn Monroe, Joe DiMaggio.

Joe DiMaggio, says James.

-This is more like it!

-This is like proper Pointless.

-This is Pointless!

Joe DiMaggio, says James, let's see if that's right,

if it is, how many of our 100 people said Joe DiMaggio.

It's right.

41.

APPLAUSE

41 for Joe DiMaggio.

Yes, a very big score. You'd have been a lot better

with the other one you knew, boxing's Italian dragon, Joe Calzaghe.

Best answer on the board, 7 points.

One of the best answers up there.

Soviet Union's Man Of Steel was Joseph Stalin,

also would have been a better answer, 20 points.

-And the author of Catch-22...

-Joseph Heller.

-Joseph Heller, exactly.

17 points. Well done if you got all seven.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at those scores.

Lovely low score from Karl there,

4, Karl and Neil.

Then up to 13, Paul and Stephanie.

Up to 31, Kevin and Fiona.

And James, who managed to fill in the board for us, pretty much,

went for one of the highest-scoring answers. You're at the top of the table there, so, Steve,

no pressure but we'd like a nice obscure answer to see you through

to the next round. We're coming back down the line. Can the second players take their places?

We're going to put seven more Joes on the board.

Here they are.

I'll read those all one last time.

There are all your Joes. You are looking for the one

you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Now then, Steve,

you're the high scorers on 41.

Not by a long way but a nice low score from you is required here.

Absolutely. I know a few, which is a relief.

Again, hopefully I've picked the lowest out of the three I know.

I'll go with "Had 1968 No.1 With A Little Help From My Friends",

-that's Joe Cocker.

-Joe Cocker,

says Steve. There's no red line because you're the highest scorers.

You have to hope it goes down as far as it can. Joe Cocker, is it right?

How many people said it? It's right.

23.

Not bad. Takes your total up to 64

for Joe Cocker.

Born in Sheffield but not Jarvis' dad.

Both Sheffield lads.

-At number one with a session musician playing guitar, Jimmy Page.

-Wow.

Very good indeed. Stephanie, you're on 13. The highest scorers

are Steve and James on 64, so a score of 50 or less from you

will be enough to see you into the next round.

-How are those Joes looking?

-Not great.

-Oh, really?

-I feel like I should know several

but I think I've...

My mind's gone a bit blank. I'm not 100% sure about this,

I think it might be quite high anyway.

But I'm just going to say Joe Hart for the goalkeeper.

Joe Hart, the Manchester City and England goalkeeper in 2011,

Joe Hart. Paul very happy with that. There is your red line.

Below that red line, through to the next round.

Joe Hart. Is it right? If so, how many people said it?

Well done.

You've done it!

30. Very well done. Takes your total to 43.

APPLAUSE

Good answer.

Well played, that's the most relieved I've seen anybody look!

Very much England's number one now, Joe Hart,

head and shoulders above the competition.

Neil, you're on 4.

A score of 59 or less will see you through to the next round.

How are the Josephs?

I was thinking I'd go for EastEnders' Mickey Miller

but his surname's slipped my mind. All I remember is he's called Joe.

LAUGHTER

I'm going to have to go, I think it'll be quite good,

I'm going to go for the frontman of The Clash which was Joe Strummer.

Joe Strummer, says Neil. Here's what your red line looks like.

Below that, you're through to the next round.

Joe Strummer,

is it right? How many people said it?

He's right.

And you're through to the next round.

Very good. 17. Takes your total up to 21.

APPLAUSE

-Joe Strummer.

-The late great Joe Strummer takes you safely through.

Born John Mellor, in Turkey.

You are on 31. The highest scorers are still Steve and James on 64,

which means a score of 32 will see you through to the next round.

-Talk us through the board. Fill in the blanks.

-Again,

I'd love to fill you in with all the blanks.

However, it's not going to happen.

But I do have the EastEnders one. I think it's Joe Swash.

Joe Swash. EastEnders' Mickey Miller.

You have to score 32 or less

with this. Good luck. Mickey Miller....

is played by Joe Swash, according to Fiona.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people said it.

Your red line is quite low.

It's right.

You've done it!

24.

Brings your total up to 55.

APPLAUSE

-Richard.

-Joe Swash, yes.

And his younger sister and son have also appeared in EastEnders.

Let's take a look at the rest of the board. Do you want to have a go at filling these in?

-The US Senator?

-McCarthy.

Joseph McCarthy.

That would have scored 18.

-Author of Heart Of Darkness?

-Joseph Conrad.

Absolutely right. 13 points.

-And the British dramatist...

-Joe Orton.

-The best answer on the board.

-Wow.

-1 point.

-Well done to anybody who got all the Joes.

-Well done. Thanks, Richard.

So, the losing pair with the highest score,

-Steve and James! This is unjust.

-BOTH: I know.

Nothing wrong with your knowledge,

just your judgement.

LAUGHTER

You did brilliantly, you got all those things,

a lovely low score and you went for Joe DiMaggio.

Who'd have known that was going to be such a high score?

It's been lovely having you on the show.

Thank you for playing.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining three pairs, it's time for Round Two.

APPLAUSE

There's only room for two pairs in our head-to-head

so one of the teams will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Our category for Round Two is...

Can you all decide who's going to go first and who's going second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many cities in Germany

as they could. Richard.

We're looking for the name of any city in Germany

and the definition of city will be anything that's a direct member

of the German Association Of Cities.

Paul, if you give me an indirect member of the German Association Of Cities, I will not accept it!

OK, so we are looking for cities in Germany.

Fiona, we discovered last time that you train travel advisors.

-Yes.

-So this must play right into your hands.

Everyone goes on holiday to Germany!

Ah... Yes, yes, they do! They most certainly do.

What is the most obscure German city you can think of?

A direct member of the German Association Of Cities.

I'm going to go with an old family favourite and go for Cologne.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said Cologne.

Very well done, Fiona. It's right.

26.

APPLAUSE

26 for Cologne. Richard.

Their Gothic cathedral is the largest in Northern Europe.

-Neil.

-Yes.

-German Association Of Cities.

Well, my GAC subscription expired last year, so...

-You want to GAC up!

-I have spent some time working in Germany

but I can't remember whether the place I worked was a city or town.

That shows how much I got out.

-I'm going to play it safe-ish and go for Dusseldorf.

-Dusseldorf.

Let's see if that's right and if so, how many people said Dusseldorf.

It's right.

44.

-44 for Dusseldorf.

-The capital of North Rhine-Westphalia.

I'll ask you at the end of the round where you worked and we'll see if it's a city!

Stephanie, how good is this for you?

-German cities.

-It would be better if it was German football teams.

It may be that amounts to the same sort of thing.

Well, no, cos I've got to work out which part of their name

is the city part. I'm not sure I know that.

-Ah...

-I think I'm going to go for one that will be quite high

-but I know it's right. Hamburg.

-Hamburg. Let's see

if Hamburg's right and if so, how many of our 100 people said it.

It's right.

45.

APPLAUSE

45 for Hamburg.

The second most popular city in Germany.

Do you know what foodstuff came from Hamburg?

-Er...

-Shall I tell you?

-Yes.

-Potato waffles.

-Really?

-Yes.

There you go, potato waffles.

We're halfway through the round, let's take a look at those scores.

Well, Cologne, Fiona,

that was a fabulous answer, as it turns out, correspondingly.

Then up to Neil and Karl on 44, then up to 45,

where we find Stephanie and Paul.

It's an open field. We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we are looking for German cities, remember. Paul.

Again, it's working my way through the Bundesliga. I was hoping to play safe...

You're the high scorers, you have to do something special.

I'll go for Hoffenheim.

"Ooh!" was the noise that everyone was longing to make there.

Hoffenheim.

Is it a member of GAC? That's all I want to know.

I'll have to ring up GAC.

Paul is saying Hoffenheim. There's no red line as you are the highest scorers.

Let's see if it's right and if so, how many people said Hoffenheim.

No... Bad luck, Paul.

Unfortunately, that's an incorrect answer

which means you score 100 points. That takes your total to 145.

-Richard.

-Sorry, Paul, the Bundesliga has let you down there.

1899 Hoffenheim, they're actually

-a village team.

-Really?

-A village team?

-In the Bundesliga?

-They famously climbed the ranks of German football.

Goodness! Now then, Karl, the good news is Paul and Stephanie

are so far in front, you won't be able to overtake them, even if you score 100 points.

Bearing that in mind, maybe see if there's a pointless answer in there.

I will. Much like Paul and Stephanie,

I know a lot of German places cos of football

but I don't know which are cities.

-And which are villages.

-Indeed.

With the shackles off a little bit,

I'm going to go for somewhere I think is in Germany,

-I've only seen it written down, Mains or Mainz? M-A-I-N-Z.

-Mainz.

-Yes.

-I don't know, I'm just repeating what you said!

There's no red line for you because you're through whatever happens.

Let's see if Mainz is a correct answer and if it is, let's see how many people said Mainz.

It's right! Very well done, Karl.

Very well done indeed!

That's a pointless answer.

It adds £250 to today's jackpot, takes the total up to £11,750.

It scores you nothing and leaves your score at 44.

-Very, very well done. Mainz, Richard.

-Excellent play.

Mainz is the birthplace of Johannes Gutenberg, amongst other things.

Kevin, you're on 26. Doesn't matter what you score, you are through

to the next round. What are you thinking?

Well, I'm going to have a wee look at the Bundesliga as well

and just take a stab at one of them being a city,

-and go for Schalke.

-Schalke.

Let's see if Schalke is right and if so, how many people said it.

No...

An incorrect answer but doesn't matter at all,

it scores you 100, takes your total to 126,

you're still through to the head-to-head.

Another German football team, Schalke 04, but Schalke is a district of Gelsenkirchen,

which would have been a pointless answer.

If you wanted to raid the Bundesliga, you'll be gutted to hear the following...

Leverkusen, pointless answer.

Wolfsburg, pointless answer.

Bremen, 1 point. And worst of all, Monchengladbach, 4 points.

-Really?

-All of those cities. All of them cities.

Sorry about that. Let's see some more pointless answers.

Aachen. I'm going to hazard a guess and say, of all the cities in the world,

that is first in alphabetical order. Bayreuth, which holds

the famous Wagner festival. Hamelin, Pied Piper fame,

all those pointless.

Koblenz, pointless. That's my favourite, Amberg,

which is like Hamburg for Cockneys. That's pointless.

Potsdam, pointless.

Lots of names you've heard of. Trier, Ulm and Worms.

Reminds me of the old joke, who's the most unpopular man

on the terraces at Borussia Monchengladbach?

The man who goes, "Give me a B!"

Let's take a look at our top answers now,

the ones most of our 100 people said.

These would have been the worst answers to give. Hamburg, 45.

We've already heard. Munich, at 48, and right at the top, Berlin,

as you'd expect, with 88.

-Well done if you got a pointless answer. Neil, where did you work in Germany?

-I worked in Freiburg.

-Ah.

Otherwise known as the city of Freiburg,

would have been a pointless answer!

AUDIENCE GROANS

-But you're through anyway.

-Thanks, Richard.

After Round Two, the losing pair with the highest score,

it's Paul and Stephanie.

I was toying with Aachen then thought, "Too small, that's a town.

"That's almost a village."

Oh dear, ah well. Well, you made very good account of yourselves,

it's been much better. Round One last time, Round Two this time.

It's been great having you on the show, thank you for playing.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining two pairs, things are about to get even more exciting

as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Neil and Karl, Fiona and Kevin,

you are one round away from the final

and the chance to win our jackpot, which currently stands at £11,750.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Clearly, only one pair can play for that money.

To decide which pair it's going to be,

you're now going to go head-to-head on the best of three questions.

The first pair to win two questions

will be playing for that jackpot and you are now, of course, allowed to confer.

OK, let's play head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

Here comes your first question and it concerns...

We're going to show you some stills or publicity shots

from five classic Best Picture Oscar winners.

Can you name the most obscure, please?

OK, thank you very much. Let's reveal our five Best Picture Oscar-winning films.

Here they are. We've got...

There we are. Now then, Neil and Karl,

you have played best throughout the show so far

so you get to go first. There are your five stills.

You've got to name the film you think the fewest

of our 100 people knew. They're all Best Picture Oscar winners.

-WHISPERS:

-Hamlet, Schindler's List, Gone With The Wind... I don't know the last two.

Neil and Karl, looks like you've got an answer.

The board's OK, there are three I know, that I hope I know!

I'll go for a bit of a gamble and say A is Hamlet.

A, Hamlet.

A, Hamlet, say Neil and Karl.

Fiona and Kevin, you can talk us through the board if you like.

We think C is Casablanca.

We think D is Gone With The Wind.

And we're going to go with C being Casablanca.

C, Casablanca, say Fiona and Kevin.

So, Neil and Karl have said that A is Hamlet.

Let's see if that's right and if it is,

let's see how many people knew that answer. A, Hamlet.

Very well done, it's a good gamble.

18.

-Are you happy with that?

-Very.

-18.

18 is your score. Fiona and Kevin. C, Casablanca, you are saying.

18 is the score you have to beat. What do you think?

-No.

-Not so sure about getting this.

OK, let's see. Casablanca, is it right for C? If it is,

how many people said Casablanca?

It's right.

Still going down.

Ooh, 29!

APPLAUSE

29, not a bad score, but sadly not good enough to beat Neil and Karl,

which means, after one question, Neil and Karl are 1-0 up.

Both won Oscars in the '40s, those two films.

Starring and directed by Laurence Olivier, Hamlet.

B, that is Schindler's List.

Schindler's List would have scored you 12 points.

C is Casablanca.

D is the only Hitchcock film ever to win Best Picture Oscar.

It's Rebecca.

That would have scored you two points, the best answer on the board.

-E, that's Marlon Brando, do you know the film?

-On The Waterfront.

On The Waterfront, that would have scored 21.

Well done if you got five, particularly if you got Rebecca.

Thank you very much, Richard. Here comes your second question.

Fiona and Kevin, you need to win this question

to stay in the game.

Here it comes, it concerns...

-Richard.

-For this question, we'll give you five clues

to facts about Charles Darwin.

-Which is the most obscure?

-Thank you very much.

Let's reveal our five clues.

I'll read those all one more time.

OK, there are your five clues.

Now, Fiona and Kevin, you have to win this question

to stay in the game. You get to answer first.

We're not 100% sure about any of these.

Which one will we go for?

Town of birth? I'm not even sure what country he comes from

-but I'm going to go for Perth.

-Perth. Town of birth, Perth.

-LAUGHTER

-Neil and Karl,

Fiona and Kevin have said Perth as the town of his birth.

You can answer any of those questions. If you think Perth

is incorrect, you can also submit an answer for that.

We're arguing...not arguing, discussing over two.

Ship, we're arguing, I'll stop saying arguing!

For the ship, we're considering it was the Mayflower?

-I'm not convinced.

-Something in the back of my head says Mayflower.

We're going to play it safe and say the denomination of the Bank Of England note first issued in 2000

-was...shall we go for £10?

-Yes.

-Yes.

£10, you're saying that's the denomination of note

on which he appeared in 2000.

Fiona and Kevin said Perth was the town of his birth. Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

Perth.

Oh, no! Fiona and Kevin, this was the one you had to win.

Which means, Neil and Karl,

you merely have to be correct to win this point and this round

and be through to the final.

OK, Neil and Karl are saying it's a £10 note he appears on.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

£10 note.

Yep, you've done it.

Very well done.

Ooh, it's a low score as well. Look at that!

9! 9.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Neil and Karl.

You have won that, which means, after two questions,

you are through to the final in straight sets, 2-0.

-Richard.

-Good job you went for that cos Mayflower wouldn't have been a correct answer.

It's the HMS Beagle, that would have scored you 34 points.

Place of worship in which he is buried, Westminster Abbey,

that would have scored 19. The town of his birth, not Perth,

it's Shrewsbury.

Shrewsbury, 5 points.

But he did spend a lot of his time in Scotland

and he dropped out of a medical degree at Edinburgh.

That would have scored 4, the best answer on the board.

Well done if you got all five.

Thank you. The losing pair at the end of the head-to-head, I'm afraid,

Fiona and Kevin. You made it to the head-to-head last time

and actually that was 1-1, wasn't it?

So it was quite close. I'm afraid this time,

you've come up against the Neil and Karl phenomenon,

as they make their way through Pointless on a stealth raid.

Fiona, Kevin, it's been great having you on the show. We have to say goodbye, thanks for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for Neil and Karl, it's time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Neil and Karl. You fought off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £11,750.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That's how you do it, you've come into Pointless,

you were the lowest scorers in the first round, second round,

straight sets victory in the head-to-head.

Straight through. You made very quick, seemingly easy, work of it.

The rules are simple. To win that £11,750,

all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We've had one pointless answer on the show today.

You only have to find one more and you will go home with that money.

First, you've got to choose a category. You have a choice of five.

Here they are.

-First look at the board, Karl knows what I want to go for.

-Yeah.

Sport would be good but golf isn't really a strength, is it?

I think indie music I'd be pretty good at

unless it's post-2005 and then I'd have to say Arctic Monkeys to everything.

-What are you thinking, Karl?

-Join us!

I've got some knowledge of indie music but Neil might be

taking the lead on this!

OK, are you happy?

-Thrilled.

-Thrilled.

LAUGHTER

You're going to go for indie music, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many of The Smiths'

UK Top 40 singles as they could.

-Richard.

-We're looking for any single released by The Smiths

that reached the UK Top 40 prior to the beginning of 2012.

As always with our music questions, we'll be strict on the wording of names, EPs don't count.

Anything released by The Smiths or which has them as a featured artist.

You have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £11,750 is for just one of those answers

to be pointless. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are, your time starts now.

I literally...I've drawn an absolute blank.

There's Strangeways, Here We Come but is that an album or a single?

This is all on you.

There's all the obvious ones, like This Charming Man. Loads that had really long titles.

-This is all new to me... Oh, no!

-Oh dear.

Er, so...

Maybe ones you think are obvious, aren't so obvious.

This Charming Man is right but not pointless but we'll have to say it.

What else have we got?

Meat Is Murder. I know Smiths' albums!

-That's a start.

-I don't think Meat Is Murder is a song.

We'll have to go for it, though.

Er...

I'm singing in my head

but I'm coming round with This Charming Man every time.

-Er...

-10 seconds.

-Strangeways, Here We Come, Meat Is Murder, they're at least albums.

-That'll do.

-This Charming Man unless anything springs to mind.

Time is up, OK.

I thought that smile of yours was because you were bursting with ideas.

I was bursting into flames, Alexander.

We were looking for UK Top 40 singles by The Smiths.

I now need your three answers.

This Charming Man is correct, that's a start.

I'm going to say Strangeways, Here We Come.

-Strangeways, Here We Come.

-And Meat Is Murder. They're probably albums.

You know the last two are names of albums, you're hoping they're also names of singles.

Which is your best crack at a pointless answer?

Strangeways, Here We Come is the one I thought most likely to be a single

-so that one if it's right.

-OK, we'll put that one last.

Which do you think is your least likely?

-This Charming Man.

-This Charming Man, there we are.

Let's put them up on the board and here they are.

We were looking for UK Top 40 singles by The Smiths.

Your first answer, your least likely shot at a pointless answer,

This Charming Man.

Remember, you only have to find one pointless answer to win that jackpot

of £11,750. Let's see, This Charming Man, is it right?

How many people said it? This Charming Man.

It's right.

It's right, if this goes down to zero,

you leave here with £11,750.

Down it goes into the teens.

Oh! And just into single figures.

APPLAUSE

Unfortunately, not a pointless answer

which means you only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

What would you do, Karl, with £11,750?

Er, me and my girlfriend want to see a bit of Europe in the summer.

-Neil, what about you?

-I always planned, if we got this far,

I'd say, "It's not about the money." But that would be quite nice.

It seems a moot point now.

OK, let's see. We're looking for UK Top 40 singles by The Smiths.

Your next answer, Meat Is Murder.

You know this is an album, you're hoping it was also a single.

It has to be right and it has to be pointless.

If it's both of those things, you leave here with £11,750.

How many people said Meat Is Murder? Is it right?

No, bad luck. Not a single. You only have one more chance

-to win today's jackpot.

-I've got loads of singles in my head now!

-I knew you would.

-If we could just roll back, that'd be great.

Yeah, can we re-take?

OK, we are looking for The Smiths' UK Top 40 singles.

Your final answer, the one you thought

was your best shot at a pointless answer, was Strangeways, Here We Come.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many said it.

Oh, bad luck!

APPLAUSE

Bad luck. Unfortunately, you didn't find that all-important pointless answer,

so you don't win today's jackpot of £11,750

which we'll roll over onto the next show

but you have been brilliant contestants, you really have.

You do take home our Pointless trophy.

-Hey.

-Hey.

This is the horrid bit. Richard.

Unlucky, guys, you played terrifically throughout.

On Twitter, this is the question I get asked most,

when are you going to do Smiths' Top 40 singles? You've thought of others since?

I'd switch the two wrong ones out with The Boy With The Thorn In His Side

and Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now.

The Boy With The Thorn In His Side would have scored 2 points and Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now,

8 points, so you still wouldn't be walking away with the money.

Strangeways, Here We Come was just an album.

Meat Is Murder was a track on the album Meat Is Murder, not a released single.

Meat Is Murder was a number-one album.

Let's see the three pointless answers,

well done if you said any of these.

I Started Something I Couldn't Finish, from Strangeways, Here We Come,

as was Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me.

Shakespeare's Sister, the only other pointless answer up there.

Everything else scored at least two points. Well played,

and well done to anyone who got one of those pointless answers.

Do you recognise any of those pointless ones?

Seeing those three lessens the blow slightly, only marginally.

-About the size of a Pointless trophy.

-Unfortunately, we have to

say goodbye to you but it's been fabulous having you on the show.

Thank you both so much for playing, Neil and Karl!

APPLAUSE

Neil and Karl didn't win our jackpot today

so it rolls over, which means, on the next show,

we'll be playing for £12,750.

APPLAUSE

Join us then to see if someone can win it.

-It's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me, goodbye.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd