Episode 38 Pointless

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you. Hello, I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless

where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

First up, we welcome Tom and Mara. How do you two know each other, Tom?

We're flatmates at university. We were in halls in first year and have been good friends ever since.

-And where is that, Mara?

-Edinburgh.

-Where are you from originally, Mara?

-I'm from San Francisco originally.

-Wow! And came to Edinburgh?

-Yeah.

-Any particular reason?

I went to school in London and then decided to stay.

-Tom, what have you been reading?

-I've been doing Spanish and History.

-What are you hoping to do, now you've left?

-I'd quite like to go into sports journalism,

but maybe something to do with travel.

-You're covering a lot of ground here, Pointlessly.

-It could just be a double bluff.

No-one ever got through on bluffing, Tom.

-Anything you're dreading, Mara?

-Yeah, British children's TV.

-British children?

-British children as well!

-They will pop up from time to time. Welcome to the show, Tom and Mara. Very best of luck.

-Thank you.

We welcome back Liz and Jennie. You were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two shots at the Pointless final. This is your last chance to get through.

-Jennie, what happened last time?

-I behaved really badly.

I know nothing, nothing about American soaps.

I didn't have time to watch them.

We discovered last time that you're a retired headteacher.

-I was far too busy. Do you know what my daughter said to me?

-What?

She said, "I'm not cross. I'm just disappointed."

LAUGHTER

Liz, what would you like to see come up today?

I don't know. Something a bit less to do with American TV probably.

It's fine for me, but obviously not for my mum.

Jennie, things you'd particularly like to see?

-I'd like to see some food and drink, please.

-Food and drink?

-Yeah.

-Liz and Jennie, a very warm welcome back to the show. Let's see lots more of you today.

-Thank you.

Next, we welcome Chris and Joe. How do you know each other?

Just through uni. We went to the same college together, then we just kept in contact through uni.

-What are you doing, Joe?

-I'm doing Physics at the moment and it's really hard.

-What are you doing, Chris, and how hard is it on a scale of one to five?

-Is five hard or one hard?

-Five's hard.

-Five's hard. I'm training to be a teacher and...four.

-Very good.

-Do you dress as a cabin boy when you're teaching, Chris?

-LAUGHTER

No. I try and dress like either you or Richard, then go along with that look.

-OK, it's a good look, it's a good look.

-And I am wearing shorts today.

Oh, yeah. Chris, what are you hoping is going to come up today?

Probably either history or American sitcoms.

You see, Jennie? He's taunting you.

I know I'm on my own here.

-What age group do you teach, Chris?

-I'm training for primary, so from 4 to 11-year-olds.

-That's a pretty broad syllabus.

-Yeah.

-You should have a pretty good Pointless grounding in many things.

-Hopefully.

-Joe, obviously, the sciences are going to be good for you.

-Physics, in particular.

-I did Chemistry at A-level as well, so I hope some of that comes up.

It does from time to time. Joe, Chris, it's great to have you here.

And finally, we've got Liz and Autumn. How do you two know each other?

We met five or six years ago when we were both doing some charity work.

When that was finished, we remained good friends.

What are your hobbies, Liz?

Well, I look after Autumn's little boy for a couple of days a week, so child-minding.

I like word games, I like walking my dogs. I love cooking and baking, so...

-So, Autumn, how old is your boy?

-One and a half.

-So, children's TV, children's books, these will be good?

-Yeah.

What other hobbies do you have, Autumn?

I play the flute, so sometimes I play at my local church.

So, music would be good. A warm welcome to you, Liz and Autumn.

We'll find out more about all of you throughout the show.

There's only one person left to introduce. If he was a Transformer, he would be an Obscuritron.

-It's my Pointless friend Richard.

-Hiya. Hello.

APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon.

-Good afternoon to you.

-Just one returning pair today, Liz and Jennie. They didn't stick around, did they, last time?

-No.

I imagine if one of your pupils said, "I haven't had any time to look at Chemistry,"

-you'd have something to say about it.

-I would, I would.

I have to say, Round One today is a proper school subject, so you'd better do well.

-I think you will.

-I hope so!

You've just told off Jennie.

-Did you see that?

-Yeah.

-He's been waiting to do that to a headteacher for a long while.

-Yeah.

-I called her to my office after the show last time.

-Did you?

-Yeah.

-Wow!

I told her she'd let herself down and the whole show down.

Thanks, Richard. All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

To get to the final and have a chance of winning the jackpot,

our contestants need to find obscure answers those 100 people didn't get,

so the fewer of those 100 people who knew the answer, the fewer points you'll score.

Everyone wants to find a pointless answer that none of our 100 people knew

and when that happens, we add £250 to the jackpot.

Charlotte and Esther won the jackpot last time, so today's jackpot starts at £1,000.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, each of you must give me one answer and you cannot confer with your partner.

The pair with the highest score at the end of the round is eliminated.

OK, our first category for Round One today is...

Jennie not particularly happy with that one either!

Can you decide who's going first, who's going second?

Whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our Round One question concerns...

-Richard?

-Zander is about to show you a picture of the Periodic Table with various sections highlighted.

We need you to tell us the name of any of the elements in those highlighted areas. Best of luck.

Thanks very much. Tom and Mara, you all drew lots before the show and you'll go first.

OK, so here is our image with the highlighted elements.

I'm not going to read them out.

Tom?

Um...

I'm going to play it fairly safe

and say Sodium.

You're going to say Sodium.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many of our 100 said Sodium.

Absolutely right.

26.

That feels kind of solid. 26 for Sodium.

Yeah, we can see it there, "Na" in the alkali metals. Good start. Well played.

Now then, Jennie, your time to shine.

-Lithium.

-Lithium, says Jennie.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many of our 100 said Lithium.

Absolutely right.

50.

APPLAUSE

Yeah, another alkali metal just above Sodium there - "Li".

-Just about got away with it, Jennie, I think.

-Just about.

Chris, so we're looking for these elements on the Periodic Table.

What are you going to go for?

-I'm going to go for Potassium.

-Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 said Potassium.

Absolutely right.

30.

APPLAUSE

30 for Potassium.

Well done, Chris. There is "K", again in the alkali metals.

It's like a game of Blockbusters so far, just going down the board through the letters.

Liz...

Liz, how is this for you?

I recognise one or two.

I'm going to go for Calcium.

OK, you're going to say Calcium. Calcium. Let's see how many of our 100 said Calcium.

27.

APPLAUSE

-27 for Calcium.

-Yeah, there it is, "Ca", in the alkaline earth metals.

-The alkaline earth metals?

-Yeah.

-They're the second line in?

-That's the pale blue ones.

-I had no idea.

-I had no idea they were arranged like that.

-Yeah, someone has put some thought into this.

-It's almost like it's a table.

-Yeah. Yeah, if you like.

Clever.

-Who knew? Who knew?

-I'll tell you who knew.

-The person who invented the Periodic Table. I'll say at the end of the round.

-Thanks, Richard.

We're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

The best score of the pass - 26, so, Tom, you did very well.

Then up to 27 where we find Liz and Autumn,

up to 30 where we find Chris and Joe, three scores all very close together,

then up to 50 which is quite a leap,

so, Liz C, we'll require a really low-scoring answer from you in the next pass to keep you in the game.

Very best of luck. Can the second players take their places at the podium?

Now then, Autumn, the high scorers on 50 are Liz and Jennie.

You're on 27, so a score of 22 or less will keep you in the game.

So we are looking for these elements on the Periodic Table.

OK...

-I think Magnesium.

-Here is your red line.

If you get below that, you avoid becoming the high scorers.

Magnesium, is it right, how many people said it?

46.

APPLAUSE

46 for Magnesium takes your total up to 73.

And we continue our grouping. That's "Mg", another alkaline earth metal, discovered by Sir Humphry Davy.

Joe, the high scorers are now Autumn and Liz on 73. You're on 30,

which means a score of 42 or less keeps you in the game.

I think we might have a good, low-scoring answer from you.

I know a few. I'm going to keep away from grouping it together.

I'm going to go for Americium.

There you go. Americium. Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many of our 100 said Americium.

Absolutely right.

And you are through to Round Two.

Very well done.

6.

6 takes your total up to 36.

-Well done, Joe. That's a Chemistry A-level for you.

-Yeah.

-Number 95 in the rare earth elements. That's good.

-It is.

Now, Liz, crunch time. The high scorers on 73 are Autumn and Liz.

You are on 50. If you can score 22 or less, you will go through to the next round.

We are looking for the elements highlighted on this Periodic Table.

It's slightly risky, but I'll go for it.

Californium.

Californium, says Liz. Some very scientific nods from further along the line.

Californium. If you can get below that red line,

you are through to the next round.

Best of luck. Californium, is it right, how many people said it?

Very well done.

Yeah, you're through.

1!

The lowest score of the round so far, Liz. That takes your total up to 51. Very well done.

-Through you go to Round Two. Richard?

-Terrific answer, Liz.

Another of the rare earth elements, just along from Americium there, at number 98.

Now then, Mara... Mara, you're on 26. The high scorers remain Autumn and Liz on 73.

If you can score 46 or less, you are through to the next round.

Yeah...

You can talk us through the table.

I just think I'm making up words. I'm a little concerned.

I'm sorry if this is wrong, but I'm going to go for, um...

Radon?

Radon. Tom's nodding, Liz is nodding, Joe's looking askance.

Radon, says Mara. There's your red line. If you get below it, you are into the next round. Good luck.

Let's see if Radon is right, how many people said it?

Bad luck, Mara.

That's incorrect, so you score the maximum of 100 points and that takes your total up to an unbeatable 126.

-I'm sorry.

-Yeah, sorry, Mara. Radon is one of the noble gases. It's "Rn".

It's number 86 there.

The "Ra" there is Radium which would have scored you 7 points, a very good answer.

Often in our 100 people we get some specialists who can go through all of these, as I'm sure Joe could do.

But the four pointless answers are...

Holmium, that would have been a pointless answer, "Ho" there.

Mendelevium... When you were saying who put together the Periodic Table,

Dmitri Mendeleev is widely regarded as putting it together in all these columns and rows.

-It must have taken him hours.

-Yeah, it took him four and a half hours. It took him a whole afternoon.

-That was Mendeleev.

-Yeah.

The next one is...Protactinium.

That's a good name, Protactinium.

Very well done if you said that one. And the only other pointless answer

was Thulium. There's Thulium.

Very, very well done if you got any of those four at home.

Thank you very much, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the losing pair with their high score of 126, I'm afraid, it's Mara and Tom.

-Very promising start, Tom, lowest score in the first pass. Mara, you were just looking at "Ra".

-I was.

Oh, dear. Were there any others there that caught your eye?

It was between that and Beryllium, but I didn't know if I was making that one up.

-Beryllium would have been fine, "Be". It scored 20 points.

-It would have been a "Berylliant" answer!

The good news is we see you again next time. Mara and Tom, thanks so much for playing. Great contestants.

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Obviously, there's only room for two pairs in our head-to-head round,

so one pair will be leaving us at the end of this round.

Liz and Jennie, you've done exactly what you needed to do. Very good. Californium...

I don't know where that came from.

-California.

-Yeah.

-Yeah. LAUGHTER

Chris and Joe, a great performance there. You pulled it out of the bag.

Americium. Very good indeed, lovely low scores from both of you.

You're looking like the favourites at this stage of the show.

OK, our category for Round Two is...

Can you decide in your pairs who's going first, who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, the question concerns...

I'm really sorry Mara's not around for this. I think she'd enjoy that.

-Of course. To her, it would mean old toilets.

-Yeah.

-Historical Johns. Richard?

-Yeah, we're going to show you 12 clues to famous figures from history

called John or commonly known as John.

Give us a nice, obscure answer. An incorrect answer will score 100 points, so take care.

There will be 12 in all across the two passes. Good luck.

OK, so here are our first six Historical Johns.

I'll read those all one last time.

OK, there we are, six clues to famous Johns.

Now, Liz, you're going to go first.

How many of those do you think you know?

Hmm...

Possibly...two or three maybe.

-How obscure dare you go, do you think?

-I don't think I dare go very obscure.

I'm going to go for the Scottish pioneer of television.

I think it's John Logie Baird.

John Logie Baird. Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people knew that answer.

37.

APPLAUSE

-37.

-Well played, Liz. Fairly safe answer. John Logie Baird, we have a lot to thank him for.

-Yeah.

And his often overlooked sidekick Boo-Boo as well.

-Yeah, exactly, who invented the remote control.

-Absolutely.

-LAUGHTER

Joe...

I knew that one.

Well, yeah, I think I did.

There's only one... There's only one left I know, really.

And it's the Back To The Future and it was John DeLorean.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said John DeLorean.

Absolutely right.

27.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done indeed.

Yes, John Zachary DeLorean, possibly the most famous car in movie history.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then, Liz, you're the last person to have this selection of Johns,

so you can talk us through them.

No. I definitely knew the Scottish one.

I'm going to take a little bit of a guess.

I'm not so sure, but I'll go with the saxophonist

and I'm going to hope that it's John or Johnny Dankworth.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many people knew that answer. Johnny Dankworth.

No!

Bad luck, Liz. I was sure you were going to say the right one there.

That's an incorrect answer, which scores you 100 points. Good guess, though.

Right instrument.

Yeah, jazz fans screaming at the TV now. John Coltrane was A Love Supreme, I'm afraid.

John Coltrane would have scored you 4 points.

Let's go through the rest of them.

-Wrote Ode On A Grecian Urn?

-Keats.

-John Keats. Absolutely right. Would have scored 11.

The US oil magnate who co-founded Standard Oil, I've been reading a lot about him.

They do calculations of different people's wealth at different stages of history

and there's an argument to say he was the richest man who ever lived.

-The richest man of all time, in any era.

-And he had the coolest name.

-He did.

It was John D Rockefeller. 2 points that would have scored you.

The World War One soldier is a pointless answer.

-I'm guessing Sherman.

-I guessed Sherman as well.

-It's wrong.

-Ah!

-It's Pershing.

So, a terrific answer if you said that - John Pershing.

-OK... Isn't there a Pershing missile as well?

-Yeah.

Also, they named some rugs after him.

LAUGHTER

And a cat.

Halfway through the round, let's look at those scores.

27, the best score of the pass. Joe and Chris, that's yours, so looking pretty strong at this stage.

Then up to 37 to Liz and Jennie.

Then I'm afraid it's quite a hike up to 100 to Liz and Autumn.

Autumn, we'll need some brilliant answering from you on the next pass.

Best of luck. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we'll put six more clues to historical Johns on the board.

-We have got...

-READS THE LIST

I'll read those one last time.

There we are. We are looking for these historical Johns. Autumn wants the one the fewest people knew.

There is only one that I can sort of...think I know.

-I'm going to have to say the star of the Westerns, John Wayne.

-John Wayne.

You're the high scorers on 100. You have to hope this goes down as far as it possibly can.

Is it right? How many people said it?

Ooh. High score there.

That scores you 70 and takes your total up to an unbeatable 170. Richard?

A correct score, but a big score. He called himself Duke Morrison for his early films.

His real name was Marion Morrison.

Now then, Chris. You're through to the Head to Head, whatever happens.

-But let's see how well you can do. How many of those Johns do you know?

-Absolutely none of them!

I've got John Cleese in my head.

LAUGHTER I don't think he's any of them.

I don't know if there was a President John Carter, but...

I could just be making up names.

I'm going to go John Carter for the US President. No idea.

OK, John Carter says Chris for the US President.

Let's see if it's right and how many said it.

No. Bad luck, Chris. An incorrect answer. It scores you 100 points and takes your total to 127,

-but you're through anyway. Richard?

-You might be thinking of the recent film, John Carter.

-The big...

-LAUGHTER

And there was Jimmy Carter, but all those things don't add up to a correct answer, I'm afraid.

-You're through, though.

-Jennie, you are also through to the Head to Head.

-I am much happier today.

-I thought you might be. Talk us through it.

I can't tell you all of them. That's John Kennedy, but I'd have thought that's a very high score.

I might be wrong. I'm not going for this, I'm going for the next one.

That could be John Calvin. It might not be. That first one.

-The French Protestant.

-But it's definitely John Milton who wrote Paradise Lost.

John Milton says Jennie. Let's see if that's right and how many people said it.

No red line for you, either, because you're already through.

Absolutely right.

26. Very well done, Jennie.

That takes your total up to 63.

-Richard?

-Well played, Jennie. Published in 1667.

Did you see the real headmistress coming out there? She very subtly, but definitely,

-was telling Chris off for not knowing John F Kennedy.

-I'm sorry!

-It was just a glare.

-Chris spotted it.

I have nothing to say.

You'll have that in a few years' in your classroom and will be able to do that.

The US President was John F Kennedy. It would have scored 38 points. Very low score.

The French Protestant reformer, you're quite right, is John Calvin.

The US gangster betrayed by the Woman In Red? John Dillinger.

That would have scored 7 points.

And the philosopher who wrote A System of Logic...

-John Stuart Mill.

-Absolutely right. That's the best answer there.

-Well done if you got all six.

-Thanks, Richard. So the pair with the highest score,

who will be leaving us, it's Autumn and Liz. Bad luck!

-Johnny Dankworth!

-Not good.

-Well, it could have been.

As guesses go, saxophonists called John. There you are.

But no, John Coltrane, I'm sorry to say, but we'll see you next time.

We'll look forward to that. Thanks for playing, Autumn and Liz.

But for the remaining two pairs, we enter the Head to Head.

Congratulations, Liz and Jennie, Chris and Joe.

You are now only one round away from our final and a chance to play for our jackpot, which is £1,000.

You'll now go head to head and the first pair to win two questions plays for that jackpot.

You're now allowed to confer.

So you see, Jennie, eventually Pointless has given you some rounds to show your mettle.

-Those last two were wonderful.

-Very good. And Chris...

-John Carter.

-Yeah, John Carter. LAUGHTER

-It's a new film, Alexander.

-Joe, did you know the Kennedy answer?

Yeah, I knew JFK. Yeah.

-Sorry.

-LAUGHTER

-Blimey! Chris is getting it from all angles.

-But the good news is

from now on, Chris and Joe, you can confer. As indeed can you, Liz and Jennie.

It's going to be very exciting. Head to Head.

OK, here comes your first question. And it concerns... artists and their paintings.

-Richard?

-Yeah, on this board we'll show you the names of five artists and their famous paintings,

but we've missed a word off each painting. Can you fill it in?

OK, thanks very much. Let's reveal our five artists and their paintings with missing words.

-And we have got...

-READS THE LIST

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Five famous artists and their paintings.

Liz and Jennie, you get to go first.

Yes.

We'll go for The Blue Boy, Thomas Gainsborough.

The Blue Boy, Thomas Gainsborough, say Liz and Jennie.

-Chris and Joe, you can speak out loud now.

-Well, obviously...

-The Mona Lisa.

I think it's Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh.

-But...

-The Persistence of Time?

-I think it's The Persistence of Time. He did a lot of clocks,

-Salvador Dali, did he?

-Is it the one with the melting clocks?

-I don't know. I think we'll go The Persistence of Time.

-Yeah.

OK, The Persistence of Time say Chris and Joe. And The Blue Boy.

Liz and Jennie said The Blue Boy. Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

It's right.

45.

-Too many.

-45 for The Blue Boy.

Chris and Joe said The Persistence of Time. Let's see if that's right and how many said it.

Bad luck, Chris and Joe. That's an incorrect answer.

-Liz and Jennie are up one-nil. Richard?

-It is the melting clocks, but it's The Persistence of Memory.

It would have scored you 3 points.

These are the commonly-known English names of these works. Starry Night was correct and would have won.

It only would have scored 28, amazingly.

American Gothic by Grant Wood. The gaunt farming couple with the pitchfork.

That would have scored 7 points.

And the bottom one, Zander?

Er...94.

You think 94. It was The Mona Lisa.

-And it would have scored you... 100 points.

-Wow!

-We don't see that very often. That's a famous painting.

-We have had that?

-100? Yeah.

There we go. Thank goodness you didn't say that.

Well done, Liz and Jennie. Here comes your second question. Chris and Joe need this.

It concerns...Morecambe and Wise. Morecambe and Wise.

-Richard?

-Simply five questions about the legendary comedy duo. Which is the most obscure answer?

OK, let's reveal our five clues to facts about Morecambe and Wise.

-We have got...

-READS THE LIST

I'll read those one more time.

There we are. Chris and Joe, you go first this time.

-Do you know any?

-Not a single one.

-Do you know an actress who was around in the '70s?

-No. Barbara Windsor?

No, I don't think so.

Eric Morecambe's real surname?

Shall we just go for something really simple like Jones?

We have absolutely no idea on any of these,

-so we'll go with Eric Morecambe's real surname and just a very common surname...

-Jones.

I thought you were going to say Armstrong for a moment. Now, Liz and Jennie,

-you can talk us through the board if you like.

-OK, I think the actress who played Cleopatra

-was Glenda Jackson. Do you think?

-No...

-I think it was. The one who became an MP.

I don't know the signature tune. Oh, I know what that is. Yeah. Bring Me Sunshine.

-Don't know the film, don't know his surname. The conductor is Andre Previn.

-Yes.

-We'll go for Andre Previn, I think.

-Andre Previn, the conductor in their 1971 Christmas special.

So we have from Chris and Joe, Jones. Let's see if Jones is right and how many of our 100 said it.

Bad luck, Chris and Joe. This means, Liz and Jennie,

you merely have to be right to go through to the final. Andre Previn, is that right?

It is right. Very well done.

61 people knew it.

All it had to be was correct, though, and after only two questions you are through to the final, 2-0.

Well played. Terrific work. A brilliant sketch - Mr Preview. Let's go through the board.

Liz, you're right. The actress was Glenda Jackson. Good answer, 23 points.

You're right about the signature tune. Bring Me Sunshine. That would have scored 48.

Eric Morecambe's real surname. Not Jones. It was Bartholomew.

-Aw, so close(!)

-Ernest Wiseman and Eric Bartholomew. Yes, so close! 13 points.

-You should have gone for Carter.

-That would have been good.

-And their 1965 feature film?

-Something about the Riviera?

No, it was The Intelligence Men.

-Ah. The Intelligence Men.

-That would have scored one point.

Thanks, Richard. So at the end of Round Two, our losing pair are Chris and Joe.

You did awfully well in the first couple of rounds. I say awfully well, but we had John Carter.

-Sorry, Chris.

-Keep rubbing it in.

-I won't forget it in a hurry.

There was a Jimmy Carter. Be kind.

-I know, I know!

-Do you know what, Jennie? You started all this.

But the great news is you'll be back. We'll see you next time and look forward to that very much.

Thanks for playing. Great fun having you on the show.

But for Liz and Jennie it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Liz and Jennie. You've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot. And the jackpot stands at £1,000.

-You've done exactly what you had to do. I think you were warming up last time.

-Yes, say that.

It's textbook play. You've restored head teachers to their rightful place

at the top of the Pointless league. Very well done indeed.

We've put you through your paces.

-Yes.

-Famous Johns.

-That was the easy bit.

-What else? Morecambe and Wise? Periodic Table.

-Yeah.

-Art?

-Yes!

-And a stunning 2-0 victory in the Head to Head. Very impressive.

Now the rules are very simple. To win the money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We haven't had any today. You only have to find one now.

First choose a category and you have five choices. Here they are.

Well, we don't want to go Scottish Sportsmen, do we?

-What about Heads of State?

-Possibly. How confident do you feel?

-I wouldn't go for Modern Theatre or American Actors.

-European Literature?

-It's that or Heads of State.

-Yeah.

-But...

-The others are too broad. But you might get Frank Sinatra!

-And then we'd win.

-Yeah, but... Well, we have to go for something.

So, em...

Heads of State?

-Heads of State.

-Heads of State.

OK, let's find out what the question is. We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Commonwealth nations that do not have Queen Elizabeth II as the Head of State as they could.

-Richard?

-We're simply looking for any member state of the Commonwealth

that does not have Queen Elizabeth as its Head of State as of May, 2012.

Queen Elizabeth is not their Head of State. Very best of luck.

OK, you now have up to one minute to come up with three answers

and all you need to win that £1,000 is for just one to be pointless.

Are you ready?

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are. Your time starts now.

Em, OK. I've never thought about this before. I just thought she was head of the Commonwealth.

-Australia?

-I think she is still Head of State.

-What about Zimbabwe?

-She's definitely not Head of State there.

That's a Commonwealth country, isn't it? What about South Africa?

-South Africa might be. The Caribbean certainly is.

-Is it? Jamaica?

-Yeah.

-Jamaica...

-We've had Australia.

-Trinidad... Cuba - that's not the Commonwealth!

I wish it was!

Where else is there?

New Zealand.

Oh, she's not New Zealand. Try New Zealand.

OK, so we'll say New Zealand, Zimbabwe. Another African country.

-10 seconds left.

-Well, we have Jamaica.

-Jamaica.

-That was Caribbean.

-Is it the Commonwealth?

Jamaica used to be. It used to be.

OK, your time is up. We were looking for Commonwealth nations without Queen Elizabeth II as Head of State.

I now need your three answers.

-OK. I will say Zimbabwe.

-Zimbabwe.

-New Zealand.

-New Zealand.

-And what was the other one?

-Jamaica.

-And Jamaica. Of those three, which do you think is your best crack at a pointless answer?

-We're not even sure we've got the right things!

-Probably Zimbabwe.

-OK, we'll put Zimbabwe last.

-What shall we put first?

-Jamaica.

-OK, we'll put Jamaica first. And New Zealand in the middle.

-It may well not be.

-I don't think so.

-OK, let's pop those up in that order. And we have got...

Commonwealth nations that don't have Queen Elizabeth as Head of State.

Jamaica was your least confident answer. You only need one pointless answer to win that £1,000.

How many people said Jamaica? Is it right?

Oh!

Bad luck. Jamaica is an incorrect answer, so not a pointless answer.

You only have two more chances. Liz, what would you do with £1,000?

Em, I'd probably go out for a nice meal tonight and then I'd go shopping tomorrow,

-treat myself to something.

-Very good. Jennie?

Well, I'm not sure. It would be £500, wouldn't it, that's mine?

-I think I'd have a weekend away.

-Lovely. Lovely.

Commonwealth nations that don't have Queen Elizabeth as Head of State.

Let's hope nobody said New Zealand. It has to be pointless if you're to win that jackpot of £1,000.

Let's see. How many people said New Zealand?

No, bad luck!

Also an incorrect answer. You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is riding on Zimbabwe.

Commonwealth nations that do not have the Queen as Head of State.

-Your most confident answer...

-Liz's most confident answer.

-That's not saying much!

..was Zimbabwe. Again, this has to be pointless to win that jackpot.

Let's see how many people said Zimbabwe.

Oh! Bad luck! Bad luck!

-Another incorrect answer.

-APPLAUSE

Unfortunately, you didn't find that pointless answer, but you do still take home our Pointless trophy.

Yes, tough category. Jamaica and New Zealand, she's still Head of State. And Zimbabwe left the Commonwealth.

-I knew Zimbabwe was wrong.

-It's some of the African and Pacific nations where the pointless answers are.

You mentioned South Africa. That would have scored 11 points. It wouldn't have won you the money.

Let's look at some pointless answers. The usual suspects -

Dominica, Kiribati - they've both got presidents,

Lesotho, ruled by the King of Lesotho, would have won the money.

Namibia, Nauru, both have presidents. Swaziland, ruled by the King of Swaziland.

The Gambia, in Africa, the Maldives and Vanuatu, in the Pacific Ocean.

-All of those would have won the money. Some proper usual suspects there - Vanuatu, Nauru.

-Kiribati.

-Yeah.

-No Central African Republic, though.

-No. But I should have said Lesotho. I'm sorry...

-There we go!

-You knew a few of those.

But we're being kind. We're letting the money run over, you see.

-There you are. Selfless to the last, Jennie.

-Selfless to the last.

Unfortunately, we have to say goodbye, Liz and Jennie. Thank you for playing.

-Brilliant contestants.

-CHEERING

Liz and Jennie didn't win our jackpot so it rolls over and we'll be playing for £2,000.

-Join us then. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd