Episode 39 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much. Hello, I am Alexander Armstrong, and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the aim of the game is to score as few points as you can.

To do that, you need to come up with the answers

that no-one else could think of. Let's meet today's players.

First up, we welcome back Liz and Autumn.

You were on the show last time.

Remember, everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless final.

This is your second and final chance to do so.

Remind us how you know each other.

We met doing some charity work about five or six years ago.

When that was finished, we remained the best of friends.

Autumn, what happened last time?

We got through to the second round,

but then we just didn't know our famous Johns.

Your famous Johns. They eluded you.

Now, Liz, what are you hoping is going to come up today?

-I would like something to do with words.

-OK, you like a word round.

-Maybe royalty, I've met a few of them in my time.

-Who have you met?

I've met the Queen, Prince Charles, Princess Diana twice,

I've met Princess Margaret, Princess Anne.

You know them all! Autumn, what do you hope is going to come up today?

Food and drink or geography.

Well, it was round two last time, let's hope we see more of you today.

Very best of luck. Next, we welcome Matt and Tom K.

Have you know each other?

-We met on holiday. We were in Amsterdam.

-Oh, yeah.

-Nothing funny.

-Famous for cycling.

-And museums. And its canals.

-All of that.

-Yes.

-What do you do, Matt?

-I work for English National Ballet.

Do you, now? Very exciting indeed. How about you, Tom, what you do?

-I am a trainee mortician.

-Wow!

-That's a first.

-Wow!

-How long have you been training?

-Only about six months.

-ONLY about six months.

-Yes, it's a very GRAVE undertaking!

-GROANING

-OK, that's good. This is good.

A trainee mortician. That's brilliant.

I suspect that's probably not the last we've heard of that.

What are you hoping is going to come today, Matt?

-We like music, films, things like that.

-OK. Music, films. Tom?

-We're both in a rock band.

-Of course you are!

-Of course we are!

-Now Matt's hair is beginning to make perfect sense.

-Ballet. Morticians.

-Hair. Band. Good. What is the band called?

-Stranger Danger.

-Stranger Danger.

-That's right.

-Very good indeed. Stranger Danger.

Listen, great to have you on the show. Very best of luck.

Next we welcome back Chris and Joe. You were on the show last time.

How do you know each other?

Through college, so we've known each other about 4.5 years now.

What happened last time, Joe?

We got to the head-to-head and it was Art

and Morecambe and Wise and we just guessed and got 200.

-They weren't really read your categories, were they?

-No.

What are you hoping is going to come up today, Chris?

-I'm going to say history or science. Maybe a bit of politics.

-OK.

-Jo, anything you are really hoping doesn't come up?

-What he said.

OK, well, listen, very best of luck. You did very well last time.

We've got to hope you do even better today.

Finally, we welcome back Tom and Mara, who were also on the show last time.

-Remind us how you know each other.

-We go to university together

and we re flatmates as well.

-Right you are. And Mara, what happened last time?

-I spoke!

And I got 100 points. And now we're back again.

-You confused radium and radon.

-I did.

That's what you did. Ah! So many scientists have done that in the past!

What you hope is going to happen today, Tom?

Ideally, I would love South American football to come up.

I spent a bit of time in Argentina last year,

and I would say that was my speciality.

Mara, is there anything that you think would be the dream category for you?

-Some film could be good.

-Some film.

Literature might be quite good for me.

Well, a very warm welcome back to the show. Round one last time.

Hope to progress further than that this time. Very best of luck to you.

We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

There's only one person left to introduce.

If facts are your starter and obscurity is your main course,

then he's a great big pudding.

-It's my Pointless friend, here's Richard.

-Hi. Hello.

-How are you?

-I'm very well.

It's one of those lovely shows where we've got three returning pairs.

Everyone's quite familiar. It's quite nice.

It's like having old friends round. Except there's one new pair.

-Oh, yes.

-Stranger Danger.

-Yes.

But we saw Chris and Joe go all the way to the head-to-head, so they

are the team to beat, but Tom and Mara we didn't see very much of.

I think round one will certainly suit Tom a bit better on today's show,

so they might go a little bit further.

Very good indeed. Let's hope so. Thanks, Richard.

All our questions have been put to 100 people before the show.

In order to get through to the final round

and be in with a chance of winning the jackpot,

our contestants need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

The fewer of the 100 people who knew the answer,

the fewer points you'll score.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer.

That's an answer none of our 100 people knew.

Each time that happens, we'll add £250 to the jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000 to that,

so today's jackpot starts off at £2,000.

If everybody's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, each of you must give me one answer,

and you cannot confer.

Whichever pair has the highest score, will be eliminated,

so try and make sure that's not you. Our category for round one today is...

Sporting events.

Can you all decide in your pairs who is going to go first and second?

Whoever's going first, step up to the podium.

OK, and the question concerns...

Richard.

Yes, for this question,

Xander's going to put up six sporting events held in the UK.

We need you to tell us anybody who won any of those events,

please, between January 2000 and the end of 2011.

So, six events up there.

Anyone who won any of those between January 2000 and the end of 2011.

-Very best of luck.

-OK, thanks very much.

Liz and Autumn, you all drew lots before the show today.

You are going to go first. Our six sporting events are...

I'll read those all one last time.

Now, Liz, you are looking for any winner of any of these sporting events since 2000.

-A nice obscure one. How good is this for you?

-It's not very good.

I'm going to have to go with tennis,

because it's the only sport I really watch, and I'll go with...

-Venus Williams.

-Venus Williams says Liz. Venus Williams.

Let's see if that's right and how many of our 100 people said Venus Williams.

Absolutely right.

15.

-Seems pretty good to me, Liz. 15 for Venus Williams.

-Well done, Liz.

Good answer from the first podium.

She win in 2000, 2001, 2005, 2007 and 2008 during this period.

Very good indeed. Now then, Tom. Tom K.

-I hate sport!

-OK.

I'm going to have to wing it, I'm afraid, and I think that Steve Davis

is a snooker player, so I m going to say Steve Davis.

Steve Davis says Tom K.

Steve Davis.

Let's see that's right and how many of our 100 said Steve Davis.

Bad luck, Tom. Bad luck.

I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which means you score a maximum of 100 points.

-Very sorry. Richard.

-Sorry, Tom.

He is a snooker player, and a very good one,

but hasn't win the world title since 1989.

You never know. You never know.

-Well, you do, don't you?

-Sometimes you do.

-Now, then, Chris.

-Alexander.

Chris. What are you thinking?

-This is good for you, isn't it?

-It's OK.

I think I can name one or two from each category.

It is just depending which one I go for.

I'm going to go snooker again, and I think I'm going to go with John Higgins.

John Higgins says Chris. Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 said John Higgins.

Absolutely right.

11! Very well done, Chris.

Good answer. John Higgins.

-Well played, Chris. He won in 2007, 2009 and 2011.

-Now, then, Tom.

Here we go.

There s a few there that I'm tempted by,

but they're not my favourite sports.

But I'm going to go snooker again and say Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Ronnie O'Sullivan says Tom R. Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Let's see if it's right and how many said Ronnie O'Sullivan.

Absolutely right.

29.

-29 for Ronnie O'Sullivan.

-Yes, 2001, 2004 and 2008.

Also won in 2012, but that's not included in this poll.

OK, thanks very much, Richard. We re halfway through the round.

Let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

Well, 11,

the best score of the pass, so Chris and Joe looking very strong on that.

Up to 15, where we find Liz and Autumn

looking very strong also.

Then up to 29, where Tom and Mara are.

And then, I'm afraid it's up to 100 for Tom K and Matt.

You heard what he said. There are pointless answers there.

Maybe you can find a pointless answer.

Maybe you can even find a correct answer.

-I hate sport more than him.

-What, more than you hate him?!

-Yeah.

Well, think hard.

Maybe inspiration will suddenly dawn on you.

Very best of luck with that. We're going to come back down the line.

Can the second players take their places at the podium?

Right, Mara, you're on 29.

The high scorers are Matt and Tom K on 100.

If you can score 70 or less, you are through to the next round.

OK. I am going to go for Wimbledon Men's Singles final

and Novak Djokovic.

Novak Djokovic you are saying.

Novak Djokovic. There is your red line.

If you can get below that red line, you are through to the next round.

Is it right? How many people said it? Novak Djokovic.

You're through to the next round! Very well done, Mara!

Oh, that's how you do it!

Very well done indeed.

Take note, Tom R.

-2, you scored, takes your total up to 31. Richard?

-Well done.

Safely through. Better than last time.

Novak Djokovic always scores surprisingly low.

It's one of those names

that hasn't quite entered the public consciousness

despite his achievements.

Very much the Central African Republic of tennis players.

Now, then, Joe, you're on 11.

Matt and Tom K remain the high scorers on 100.

If you can score 88 or less,

you are through to the next round.

I think you might be able to do that.

I think I've got an Open winner,

but I think I'm going to go Wimbledon and Maria Sharapova.

Maria Sharapova says Joe. Maria Sharapova.

Is it right? How many people said Maria Sharapova?

Absolutely right, and you're through.

6!

Great score, Joe.

It takes your total to 17. Richard.

Yes, she won in 2004, Joe. She's an avid stamp collector.

I did not know that.

Now, then, Matt, we are looking for the winners of any

of these UK sporting events since 2000.

-You're the high-scorers on 100.

-We are.

I've got to do something good.

I've remembered that I quite like Formula One

and my brother works for a Formula One team,

so I should be able to pluck something all right,

so I'm going to say Mark Webber.

Mark Webber, says Matt. Mark Webber.

Let's see that's right

and if it is, how many of our 100 people said it.

There is no guideline for you because you are the highest scorers. Mark Webber.

It's right.

Oh, I think this is a very good answer. Look at that!

It's a brilliant answer, Matt.

-Well played.

-Very well done.

-That takes your total to 102. Richard.

-Yes, well played, Matt.

-What team does your brother work for?

-Williams.

-Williams.

Mark Webber, of course, is Red Bull and won the British Grand Prix in 2010.

Thanks very much, Richard. Now then, Autumn.

Autumn, the high scorers are Matt and Tom K on 102. You're on 15.

A score of 86 will see you into the next round.

Is this good for you at all?

Not particularly,

but there's a couple of names that are coming to the front of my head.

-We'll go Formula One, Jenson Button.

-Jenson Button, says Autumn.

Let's see if it's right and how many people said it.

Oh, no!

Oh, there's a lifeline, Matt and Tom.

Autumn, I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer. That scores you the maximum

of 100 points, and that takes your total up to an unbeatable 115.

Bad luck.

Sorry, Autumn, he won the Formula One Drivers Championship

but not the British Grand Prix.

A good wrong answer, if you know what I mean.

Let's look at some of the pointless answers. Other than Paula Radcliffe,

anyone who's won the London Marathon

is a pointless answer, but let's look at the other sports.

Ben Curtis won the Open in 2003.

Two famous tennis players there.

Goran Ivanisevic and Lleyton Hewitt.

They won Wimbledon in 2001 and 2002, both pointless.

Louis Oosthuizen, he's a pointless answer,

even though he won the Open in 2010.

There's Martin Lel, the Kenyan marathon runner.

Petra Kvitova, the female tennis player.

Won Wimbledon in 2011.

Rubens Barrichello, Juan Pablo Montoya also would have been

a pointless answer.

Ruby Walsh, who won the Grand National.

Stewart Cink, another British Open winner.

There's some more pointless answers, especially the jockeys.

Jason Maguire, Richard Guest, Timmy Murphy, would have been pointless.

-Very well done if you said any of those at home.

-OK, thanks, Richard.

At the end of our first round, the losing pair, I'm sorry, it's Autumn and Liz.

And you had a pointless answer in your hand there, Autumn!

And you let it fall. Bad luck. This is where we have to say goodbye.

It was round two last time, round one this time.

-But you played very well. Autumn and Liz, thanks so much for playing.

-APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for round two.

So, sadly, at the end of this round, another pair will be leaving us,

so we only have two pairs for the head-to-head.

But that first round was very exciting.

Our category for round two is:

-Words. Everyone likes words!

-That's gone down well.

-Hasn't it?

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going first and who's going second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many words ending in '...mb'

-as they could. Words ending in '..mb'.

-We're looking for any word that has its own entry

in the Oxford Dictionary of English that ends '..mb.'

As always, no hyphenated words or proper nouns. Very best of luck.

-Have you got one?

-Yeah.

-Have you got yours?

-Got mine. I've got mine!

Oh. Now then, Tom K, you are first.

I'm going to answer this question with aplomb.

Ha ha! Very good! Very good indeed. Aplomb, says Tom Kay.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, how many of our 100 people said aplomb.

Very good indeed. It's right.

-Oh, five. Very well done.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done, Tom K. Aplomb.

-Well done.

-Self-confidence or assurance, especially when in a demanding situation.

-Joe.

I've got one, but I'm not 100% sure,

but I'm going to go for it anyway.

-What are you not sure about? Its spelling?

-I know how to spell it and everything,

but it's got a capital letter, so I don't know...

-If it's a proper noun, it won't be allowed.

-It's a unit.

-I'm going to go for it.

-Sorry. Coulomb.

-Coulomb.

-Yeah.

-Don't despair, Chris.

-I know it's a thing.

-It's a thing.

-It IS a thing.

-Nothing wrong with things.

-I've heard it as a word.

-Coulomb.

-I'm saying it.

-Let's see if it's right

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said coulomb.

It's right.

-It's right, Joe.

-APPLAUSE

And down it goes.

-APPLAUSE

-Very well done, Joe.

That's a pointless answer.

It adds £250 to today's jackpot.

It takes the total up to £2,250.

It scores you nothing.

-Oh, very well done!

-Yes, the SI unit of electric charge.

-It's a terrific answer. Well done. It is with a small C though.

-Is it?

-Yeah.

-But terrific with a capital T!

-In its abbreviated form, it's a capital, but in the full name, it's lower case.

-OK, Tom R.

OK. I don't think I can match that.

-I'm just going to go for plumb.

-Plumb.

OK. Plumb, says Tom R. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said plumb.

Absolutely right.

-17.

-APPLAUSE

-17 for plumb.

-Yes. One Tom answered with aplomb and the other answered with a plumb.

-Has anyone come up with your answer yet?

-No!

-You've still got it.

Oh, yes! I'm going to give it as soon as the round ends.

The last seven or eight times, you've scored 100.

LAUGHTER

-You always go slightly too clever.

-Yeah. They're always hyphenated.

Or they don't exist.

Yeah, often they don't exist.

Ha! This one exists!

OK, we're halfway through the round. Let's take a look at the scores.

Joe and Chris looking very, very strong indeed after Joe's excellent answer.

You're on nothing. Up to five, where we find Tom K and Matt.

And then up to 17, more than three times Tom K and Matt's score,

we find Tom and Mara.

Mara, I have a feeling you're going to be absolutely brilliant at this.

So we'll have a low score from you and we'll have to hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

OK, can the second players please take their places at the podium?

So we're looking for words ending in '..mb'.

Mara, you're on 17, you're the high scorers, so we need a lovely low score from you.

-OK, I've forgotten to spell in the past five minutes.

-This happens.

And I can only come up with really obvious words or a word I'm not sure is real or not.

-So I'm going to go for the one that I'm not sure is real.

-Good. You're playing my kind of game.

Yeah. And I am going to go for um...

-catacumb, catacoomb, catacomb.

-Catacomb.

-There we go. That's the one.

-Catacomb.

OK, there's no red line for you because you are the high scorers.

You have to hope this goes down as far as it possibly can.

Catacomb, let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said catacomb.

It's absolutely right, Mara.

I have a feeling this is going to be an excellent score.

Yes, it is! Look at that! One!

APPLAUSE

Takes your total up to 18. Let's hope that's good enough to keep you in the game.

Great answer. Did everything you could there. It's an underground cemetery built by the Romans.

Really, our trainee mortician should have got that.

It was my back-up.

Thanks very much. Now then, Chris. You're on nothing. The high scorers are Mara and Tom on 18.

If you can score 17 or less, you are through to the head-to-head for the second time running.

Yeah.

I'm going to go with the word numb.

-Numb.

-Numb.

-OK, best of luck. Numb, how many people said it?

You've done it! Very well done indeed. 13 for numb.

APPLAUSE

-Numb.

-Well done. I think Joe thought that was going to go a little bit higher.

-Surprisingly low score for numb.

-Now, Matt. You're on five.

The high scorers on 18 are Tom and Mara.

You need to score 12 or less with your answer.

I'm also going to take inspiration

from the trainee mortician and go for entomb.

Ho-ho! Oh, very good! Entomb.

Let's see if entomb is right, let's see how many people said it.

Oh, it's good.

Down it goes. You're in the head-to-head.

-And it's pointless!

-APPLAUSE

Very well done indeed. That adds another £250 to today's jackpot.

Takes the total up to £2,500.

It scores you nothing and it leaves your total at five. Very well done.

Well played, Matt. A terrific round by everyone. The biggest score is 18, which is great work.

But entomb is a pointless answer. Disentomb also a pointless answer.

-What was your answer?

-Coxcomb.

-Do you know, I knew you were going to say that!

-Did you?

-Yeah.

I genuinely knew you were going to say that.

-I've been working with you too long.

-You have.

-It's a pointless answer.

Yes! Yes!

LAUGHTER Let's take a look at a few more pointless answers.

Backcomb is a pointless answer.

We heard numb, benumb would have been a pointless answer.

Breadcrumb, pointless answer.

There's coulomb. Very well played.

Entomb, hecatomb, which was a huge public sacrifice.

A sacrifice of like 100 oxen. That was a hecatomb.

Hindlimb, and forelimb, both of those pointless. Well done if you said those.

Iamb and rhomb, which is a rhombohedral crystal.

-Firebomb as well was a pointless answer.

-Very good indeed.

I know people like the word rounds and I suspect some people would have got some of those.

-Coxcomb as well, a pointless answer.

-Thank you.

At the end of round two, our losing pair with the highest score,

it's Mara and Tom.

And who'd have thought a score of 18 would be our highest score?

I had high hopes of you going all the way through to the final.

Mara, Tom, thank you both so much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining two pairs, things are about to get even more exciting now,

as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Chris and Joe, Matt and Tom. You're now one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which stands at £2,500.

APPLAUSE

OK, you're now going to go head-to-head.

The first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

The difference now is you're allowed to confer.

-Literally, anything can happen. Let's play the head-to-head.

-APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question, and it concerns:

People whose surnames are American cities. Richard.

We're about to show you five pictures of famous people. All of their surnames are American cities.

-Can you name the most obscure? Best of luck.

-OK, thanks.

Let's reveal our five people with American cities for surnames. And here we have got:

OK, there they are. Five people whose surnames are American cities.

Chris and Joe, you have played best throughout the show so far.

You get to go first.

THEY WHISPER

We only really know one. And it's B, Johnny Knoxville.

Johnny Knoxville, B, you are saying. Johnny Knoxville.

Now then, Matt and Tom K, talk us through the rest of the board.

I know that D is the bloke off Teachers.

That doesn't really help us. C is Joaquin Phoenix.

-And E is Denzel Washington.

-OK, are they the only ones you know?

I don't know the rest.

Which of C and E do you think is going to be the more obscure?

What would you most like to see yourself saying on TV?

-Yeah, Joaquin.

-Let's go for Joaquin Phoenix.

OK, so we have Johnny Knoxville and we have Joaquin Phoenix.

It does feel good, doesn't it, saying that on TV. Chris and Joe said Johnny Knoxville.

Let's see if that's right and how many people said it. Johnny Knoxville.

Absolutely right.

-Nine.

-APPLAUSE

Nine, that's very good indeed.

Matt and Tom K, that's what you have to beat with Joaquin Phoenix,

who you have said for C. Let's see if that's right

and if it is, how many people said Joaquin Phoenix.

Absolutely right.

-29.

-APPLAUSE

20 points between you.

Chris and Joe the winners, which means after one question,

-Chris and Joe, you are up one-nil.

-If you only knew one of them, it was a good one to know.

There's only one answer that could have beaten it. It's not A.

A is the newsreader Mark Austin. Austin, Texas. Would have scored 15.

D is the answer that would have won it for you.

He's also from Love Actually, This Life, all sorts of things.

It's Andrew Lincoln. Would have score eight.

And E is the biggest answer on the board, Denzel Washington. Washington DC.

-53. Lincoln, of course, is Lincoln, Nebraska.

-Thank you.

So here comes your second question. Matt and Tom K, you need to win this question to stay in the game.

OK, it concerns:

The Wars of the Roses.

Five questions leading to facts about the Wars of the Roses. Which of these is the most obscure? Good luck.

Let's reveal our five clues to facts about the Wars of the Roses. And here they are. We have got:

I'll read those one last time.

So there you are. Five clues to facts about the Wars of the Roses.

Matt and Tom, you go first.

THEY WHISPER

We don't know. Shall we go for the House of York's opposing house?

We know less about this than we thought. I went to the University of York.

They used to have a tournament against Lancaster.

So...that would imply that...

And I also know that the House of Lancaster is the opposing house.

-At least I think I know. Now I'm doubting myself.

-That's your answer?

-Yeah. Lancaster.

-Lancaster was the opposing house.

-Now then, Chris and Joe.

-I know literally none of them.

-So it's all...

-It's all down to you, Chris.

-I think the century was either 15th or the 16th century.

-I'd say 16th.

The royal dynasty...

I'm not sure if it's the Tudors.

-I'm more sure about the century.

-Go for the century, then.

Would you say 15th...? I think it happened... So you're sure but...

-Yeah!

-..you need to ask me? Right.

-I think it happened...

-Calm down. >

We're having a tiff. I'm angry.

I think it happened in 15-something rather than 14-something...

-But that's the 16th.

-If it happened in the 15-something

that's the 16th century.

-Right, we'll go that, then.

-Are you sure?

-Yes.

-Promise?

-Yes, I promise.

Pinky?

Right.

We're going the 16th century,

it was the century the wars took place in.

OK, you're saying the 16th century for the Wars of the Roses.

So we have from Matt and Tom K the House of Lancaster,

and from Chris and Joe the 16th century.

Matt and Tom K, this is the question you have to win.

You have said the House of Lancaster was the opposing House to York.

Let's see if it's right, let's see how many people said it. Lancaster.

Absolutely right.

45.

APPLAUSE

45.

Chris and Joe, you have said the 16th century

was when the Wars of the Roses took place.

Let's see if it's right and if it is, how many people said the 16th century.

Ooh! Bad luck, Chris and Joe, that's an incorrect answer,

so after two questions, Matt and Tom K, you are back in the game.

It's 1-1. Richard?

Yeah, it was the 15th century, I'm afraid

fought intermittently between about 1455 and '85.

Would've scored 15 points, would've seen you in the final.

And if you'd said House of Tudor,

that would've seen you in the final as well,

cos it's a right answer and would've scored 17 points.

-The future King victorious at...

-Richard III.

-Not Richard III.

-It's Henry VII.

-Henry VII.

-That would've scored 12 points.

And do you know the nickname of the Yorkist supporter?

-Kingmaker.

-Yes, Richard Neville, the Kingmaker. Absolutely.

That's the best there, five points, so well done if you said that.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. Here comes your third question.

Whoever wins this question goes through to the final

and plays for that jackpot.

Very best of luck to both pairs. OK, your third question concerns:

-Yes!

-I don't know anything about that!

LAUGHTER

Richard?

We'll give you the names of five NASA missions but missed out alternate letters.

Fill them in and pick the most obscure.

Very best of luck to everybody.

Let's reveal our NASA missions with missing alternate letters

and here they come. We have got:

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are, five NASA missions.

You have to pick the one you think is the most obscure.

Chris and Joe, you go first again this time.

If you're happy with it, go with it.

Yeah, not very good at this sort of thing.

I should know...

-The other one's really obvious.

-Yeah.

We know one of them but... I think we know two of them.

I'm going to go for G-L-L-O, which is Galileo.

OK, Galileo, said Chris and Joe.

Matt and Tom, do your thinking out loud.

-I think Viking must be the second one.

-Yes.

And Apollo, obviously.

I don't think I know the others.

Shall we go with Viking, then?

-Yes, I think we'll have to go with Viking.

-Viking.

-Number two.

OK, Viking, you are saying, so we have Galileo and Viking.

Chris and Joe have gone for Galileo.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Galileo.

It's right.

APPLAUSE

28 for Galileo.

Matt and Tom have gone for Viking.

Let's see if that's right,

and if it is, let's see how many people said Viking.

It's right. This will decide who goes through to the final.

If it goes down below 28...

Ooh, 46.

APPLAUSE

Very well done, Chris and Joe.

After three questions you are through to the final 2-1. Richard.

The most obscure ones are the top and bottom.

We'll fill in Apollo first. That would've scored 67.

Now these other two, you might not know that they're NASA missions

but they're quite common words so you might have worked them out at home.

The top one,

Stardust,

which would've scored you six points.

That went up to collect dust from the tail of a comet.

And the bottom one is the first ever artificial satellite

sent up by NASA in 1958.

-Explorer.

-Yeah. Absolutely right.

And that would've scored 13, so Stardust, the best answer there.

OK, thanks very much, Richard.

So the losing pair at the end of the head-to-head is Matt and Tom.

Well, you can't be upset with that. You performed incredibly well.

We had three great answers but sadly, we have to say goodbye you.

Chris and Joe just managed to steal it from under your noses.

But they are worthy winners and we'll look forward to seeing you next time, Matt and Tom.

Meanwhile, thanks very much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for Chris and Joe, it's now time for our Pointless final.

Congratulations, Chris and Joe, you've fought off the competition

and you've won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at £2,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You've covered yourselves in glory.

In your first appearance, you got to the head-to-head,

second appearance, here you are in the final.

And you've added to the jackpot, Joe. A pointless answer from you

in Round Two.

A very, very impressive showing in the head-to-head.

How do you feel about it?

-I don't know...

-Good.

-Anything could come up so we don't know.

OK, the rules are very simple.

To win you just have to find a pointless answer.

We've had two pointless answers on today's show,

one of which came from you, Joe.

You only have to find one more and you will leave

with that jackpot of £2,500.

First you have to choose a category

and you can choose from these five options. They are:

-Well...

-I think that's settled.

-We're not going for Katie Price.

-But you...

-End of.

-But you know...

-Don't "oh"!

LAUGHTER

I haven't... If Katie Price is genuinely your best I will...

-Then no, no...

-No!

-I literally...

-Playwrights, no.

-No.

Either Sporting Achievements or London, myself.

Sporting Achie...? Really? Do you want to do it?

If you're not happy with London we'll go Sporting Achievements

cos they're the only two I'm happy with.

-Rock, paper, scissors?

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Sporting Achievements, please.

LAUGHTER

Very well done. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

Goal of the Season winners as they could.

Goal of the Season winners. Richard?

The name of any player who's won the Goal of the Season award

from the first time it was given out on Match Of The Day

in the 1970-71 season,

so any player who has won the Goal of the Season.

Very best of luck.

You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £2,500 is for just one of those answers

to be pointless. Are you ready?

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Right, some footballers...

-Ryan Giggs is a footballer.

-He is.

-Cristiano Ronaldo's definitely won it.

-David Beckham's too obvious.

-Yeah, too obvious. I think we should go a bit older.

-Older...

-So, like...

-I don't know any old footballers.

-Like someone...

-I think Jaap Stam.

-If you're happy with Jaap Stam.

-Yeah.

-Yeah?

-That sounds like a place.

-He's a definitely a player.

If he's played football...

So we've got...

Shall we say Cristiano? Just... I'm pretty sure.

Ryan Giggs must've, in all the years he's played...

I'm pretty sure he... But he doesn't score many.

Do I look like I watch football?

LAUGHTER

-Erm...

-I can't think of any footballer. Who plays football?

-I play football.

-Freddie Ljungberg.

-Freddie Ljungberg?

-Yes.

-Are you happy?

-I'm as happy as I'll ever be.

Yeah. I think we're...

OK, you're going to stop the clock there.

You have your three answers. You don't want to think any further?

-Apparently so.

-OK, there we are. Your time is now up.

We wanted Goal of the Season winners. I need your three answers.

-I'm pretty sure Cristiano Ronaldo won it.

-Cristiano Ronaldo.

-And then just two footballers. Jaap Stam.

-Jaap Stam.

He sounds like a footballer. And Freddie Ljungberg.

And Freddie Ljungberg.

Of those, who do you want put last? Who's your most confident answer?

It really doesn't matter!

-Shall we put Jaap Stam last?

-He's the most confident shot

at a pointless answer. OK, and your least confident?

-Cristiano Ronaldo.

-OK, we'll put him first.

Let's put those on the board in that order. Here they are. We have got:

So we're looking for Goal of the Season winners.

Your first answer was Cristiano Ronaldo.

This was probably your least likely shot at a pointless answer.

You only have to find one pointless answer to win that jackpot

of £2,500.

So let's see. For £2,500, how many people said Cristiano Ronaldo?

Is it right?

No! Bad luck.

An incorrect answer, as it turns out, so not pointless answer,

which means you only have two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Chris, let's just say Jaap Stam is a correct pointless answer.

What would you do with your £2,500?

She's going to kill me for saying this

but, erm, I'd buy my girlfriend an engagement ring.

AUDIENCE: Aah!

We've been together seven years since we were 13.

Aah!

So... Come on, Jaap Spam!

He can't even say his name!

Jaap Spam?!

LAUGHTER

Well, best of luck. Wow, with that riding on it...

-Joe, how about you? Beat that.

-Oh, I don't...

-Save up for the stag do, I suppose, then.

-Yeah.

LAUGHTER

Sprung that on me!

We're looking for Goal of the Season winners.

Let's hope nobody said Freddie Ljungberg.

This has to be right, obviously, then it has to be pointless

for you to win that jackpot of £2,500.

Let's see how many said Freddie Ljungberg, is it right?

Ooh, no, bad luck!

Another incorrect answer.

OK, only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Jaap Stam... Did you just... Is that just cos it's a fun name?

-It's a name of a footballer, I think.

-It is. OK.

We're looking for Goal of the Season winners.

Your final answer was Jaap Stam,

your most confident shot at a pointless answer.

It must be right to win the jackpot,

it must also be pointless for you to win that jackpot of £2,500.

Let's find out. Jaap Stam - how many people said it?

Ooh! Bad luck!

Oh, bad luck.

APPLAUSE DROWNS OUT SPEECH

Unfortunately you didn't manage to find

that all-important pointless answer.

I'm some afraid you didn't win the jackpot

but you do still get to take home our Pointless trophy,

-so very, very well done.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Jaap Stam, certainly a footballer, not a prolific goalscorer, though.

He was a centre-back for Man United.

You also mentioned Ryan Giggs. That would've scored you 7 points.

Let's take a look at some of the pointless answers, though.

Archie Gemmill won it in 1978,

Dietmar Hamann, the Liverpool player, won it in 2004,

Gerry Francis won it for a goal for QPR against Liverpool.

That would've been pointless. and won you the money.

Graeme Sharpe, the Everton player, won it for a goal against Liverpool.

John Aldridge won it twice in '88 and '89, both FOR Liverpool.

Full marks for obscurity if you said Mickey Walsh.

He won it in 1975 for Blackpool.

That's a terrific answer.

Peter Osgood scored for Chelsea, won Goal of the Season.

Rod Wallace was a pointless answer, as was his brother Danny Wallace,

Well done if you said him.

And Tony Morley, the Villa player, also won it.

Also, Cyrille Regis, Keith Houchen, Mickey Thomas or Shaun Bartlett.

Very well done if you said any of those at home.

Thanks very much. Unfortunately we have to say goodbye

but it's been brilliant having you here. Thanks so much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

Well, Chris and Joe didn't win our jackpot today,

so it rolls over to the next show when we'll be playing

for £3,500.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Join us to see if someone can win. Meanwhile, it's bye from Richard...

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd