Episode 45 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, the quiz show where obvious answers mean nothing

and obscure answers mean everything. Let's meet today's players.

APPLAUSE

First, we welcome Andrew and Lorna, our first pair on the show today.

-Andrew, how do you two know each other?

-We work together.

I'm a manager of a local opticians and Lorna works for me.

-And local to where, Lorna?

-It's Llandudno in North Wales.

-"Clan-did-no"? "Clan-did-no"?

-Llandudno.

"Clan-did-no". Cl... I should stop trying to show off.

I got that completely wrong. Llandudno. Yes.

What are you hoping is going to come up today, Lorna?

-Literature would be good. Stephen King novels, if possible.

-Very good.

-Do you have a favourite Stephen King novel?

-Favourite Stephen King novel?

-Well, I've just read his latest one.

-11/22/63?

-That's the one, yeah.

-Have you read it?

-God, it's such a good book!

-It's amazing, yeah.

-A fantastic book.

-Yeah.

-It's the first one I've read of his in a while.

-And it's...

-Very good indeed. That's the one I was telling you about.

-Mmm.

-Yeah.

-It takes over your life.

-It does. It was Andrew who read it first.

-Yeah, I've read it, too.

Yeah, an amazing book. Andrew, what would you like to see come up today?

American state capitals, I could live with. Bizarre phobias. That kind of thing.

-Do you have any?

-Not bizarre ones, no.

-No. But you know about them?

-Yeah, I know a few.

-OK, useful.

-Anything else?

-Er, no. That'd do.

-OK. That'll do.

Anything you're hoping doesn't come up?

-Not great on sport.

-OK. Lorna?

-Sport, especially football.

Right, OK. Best of luck. Andrew and Lorna, it's great to have you here.

Next, we welcome back Phil and Trev, who were on the show last time.

Everyone gets two chances to reach the Pointless Final.

This is your second and final chance. Phil, remind us how you know each other?

We've known each other since we joined the police cadets many, many years ago.

We now sort of mix socially watching football.

And, Trev, what happened last time?

-We fell foul of the "oo".

-But two great answers from you!

"Igloo" and "poo".

LAUGHTER

Guess which one landed them in it? It was actually "igloo".

"Igloo" was the high scorer.

Phil, what's going to happen today to see you through to the final?

Cos I have high hopes for you.

I've got high hopes myself that Thunderbirds will crop up today.

Trev, what would you like to see come up?

Politics. Most sorts of popular music.

Erm... We do a lot of cruising.

So some geography, some world ports, might be nice.

OK. Welcome back to the show, Phil and Trev. Very best of luck to you.

And next, we welcome back Neil and Ruth, also on the show last time.

Neil, remind us how you know each other.

Ruth and I have worked together for the last two years.

And, Ruth, last time, head-to-head.

Yes, indeed. We were foiled by mythical creatures, unfortunately.

So, hopefully, we can do a little bit better this time.

Absolutely. You did fantastically well last time. What do you hope is going to come up, Neil?

-What's going to be good for you?

-Well, last time I said music.

And we came a bit unstuck on the Eurovision round.

So I'm going for TV and film this time, sort of US box sets.

-The Wire, Sopranos, West Wing, something like that...

-OK.

That would be good for you. Ruth, how about you?

Erm, I'm holding out for Harry Potter.

Absolutely love all the books, the films. Read them many, many times.

OK. You should be on strong, safe ground there.

Well, very, very best of luck to you, Neil and Ruth.

You were head-to-headers last time. So you've got to be confident that this time it might be the final.

And, finally, we've got Ema and Charlie. A warm welcome to the pair of you.

-How do you two know each other, Ema?

-We meet when we were 15 in a play together.

-Then, more recently, we directed a play together and we became best friends.

-Ah!

-And where are you from, Charlie?

-We're from Brighton.

-Brighton.

-What was the play you first appeared in?

-We first appeared in Twelfth Night by William Shakespeare.

-And who were you in that, Charlie?

-I was Malvolio.

-Oh, were you?

-Yes.

-Excellent.

A massive, long speech you've got to learn halfway through. Ema...

-Who were you?

-Who was I? Fa...

-Fabian.

-Fabian.

-Is it Fabian?

-Fabian!

-Yeah, I had a wheelbarrow to wheel around.

-Do you remember that?

-I don't know who Fabian is.

-A gardener.

-Yeah, the biggest role(!)

-Yeah!

There we are. Good stuff. So, Ema and Charlie, plays, drama, these would be good for you, I hope.

-Er...

-In theory, but...

-Perhaps.

-Maybe. Depends on the question.

OK. What do you like to do apart from your acting?

Well, I like to read. I like reading a lot.

I like 20th-century literature - Virginia Woolf, Forster.

-So some literature would be nice.

-OK.

That would be good. Ema, how about you?

Oh, I'm so not as intellectual as you.

Erm, I just like to spend time with my cat.

-LAUGHTER

-So if your cat were to come up...?

Oh, my God! That would be so good.

-Well, it hasn't yet. So maybe today's the day!

-Please.

-Yeah.

Very best of luck to you, Ema and Charlie. It's great having you on the show.

We'll find out more about all of you throughout the show.

There's only person left for me to introduce.

He elevates the obscure and slides down the bannister of the banal.

-It's my Pointless friend, it's Richard.

-Hiya.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

-Good afternoon to you.

-Good afternoon to you.

All the four pairs today have got something in common. They're all friends.

There's no relations. No-one married. No fathers and sons.

No mothers and daughters. No grandparents.

-All friends.

-Oh, there's a boss!

-There is a boss.

-There's a boss.

We are friends, too.

Well, you say that, Andy. LAUGHTER

Certainly, Lorna's very nice to you.

We know there are many reasons for that. But all friends. It's a test of friendship today.

It's a test of who are the best friends here, I think.

We've got returning pairs. Neil and Ruth did terrifically well last time.

They got all the way to the head-to-head. Very unlucky to lose that as well.

But Phil and Trev.

We've literally only heard one word from Trev in his Pointless career and that was "poo".

So as an ex-copper, we're looking for a little more from him today.

Not just "poo".

-OK?

-I'll try.

-Depending on what... Yeah, you can't say "poo" to the first round!

-Thanks, Richard.

Now all our questions on Pointless have been put to 100 people before the show.

In order to get to the final round and a chance of winning our jackpot,

our contestants need to find the obscure answers those 100 people couldn't get.

The fewer of the 100 people who knew the answer, the fewer points you will score.

Now everyone's trying to find a pointless answer. That's an answer that none of our 100 people gave.

Each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Nobody won the jackpot last time, so we add another £1,000 to that.

So today's jackpot starts off at £3,000.

APPLAUSE

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

OK, in this first round each of you must give me one answer and you cannot confer with your partner.

Whichever pair has the highest score at the end of the round, will be eliminated. Make sure it's not you.

OK, our first category today is Capital Cities.

Capital Cities. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second?

WHISPERING

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many capital cities north of London as they could.

Capital cities north of London. Richard.

Yeah, we're looking for any capital city in the world which is north of London.

Any capital city which is north of London. There are 14 in the world.

By "country", as always, we mean a sovereign state

that's a member of the UN in its own right. Very, very best of luck.

Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

Andrew and Lorna, you all drew lots before the show,

and today you are going to go first.

Lorna.

I really don't know if this is going to be correct or not.

-I'm going to say Oslo.

-Oslo.

Says Lorna, Oslo.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Oslo.

Absolutely right, Lorna.

62!

APPLAUSE

Yes, the capital of Norway, Oslo. So it's a good answer for the first podium.

-I hope plenty of people at home are trying to get all 14 of these.

-Now then, Phil.

-Time to make up for "igloo" here.

-OK.

Well, I'll go for a country that may or may not have igloos. I'll go for Reykjavik.

Reykjavik, says Phil.

Reykjavik. Let's see how many of our 100 said Reykjavik.

Absolutely right.

Very well done. 34.

APPLAUSE

34 for Reykjavik.

Yes, the most northerly capital city of them all, Reykjavik.

It's heated by hot water piped from nearby springs.

Thanks, Richard. So, remember, we are looking for capital cities that are north of London. Ruth.

Erm, I can think of a few that might be quite obscure.

But I'm going to try and play it a little bit safe and hope that Neil's got something good up his sleeve.

I'll go with Toronto.

Toronto, says Ruth. Let's see if it's right and, if it is, how many of our 100 said Toronto.

Bad luck. An incorrect answer,

which I'm afraid scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Sorry, Ruth. Toronto, not the capital of Canada, I'm afraid.

Now then, Ema.

Oh, no!

Capital cities is not good for me.

Erm...

I'm going to go for one which I really don't know is above London

and I really don't know if it's a capital city either, but Amsterdam.

OK, Amsterdam, says Ema. Amsterdam.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Amsterdam.

Absolutely right, Ema. That's a great answer.

Down it goes to 9!

APPLAUSE

Only the best answer of the pass!

-Richard.

-Yes, one of those borderline ones, isn't it, Amsterdam? Just north of London.

I expect some people at home will be thinking that was wrong, but it's a very good answer.

Amsterdam's the official capital of the Netherlands, according to the CIA World Factbook.

The Hague has also split some of the parts of the capital,

but Amsterdam is the official one.

OK. So we're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores as they stand. 9, Ema!

-9!

-I know!

-9! What do you think about that, Charlie?

-That's brilliant!

-Brilliant low score there!

-Brilliant!

-You've done very, very well indeed.

We travel up from 9 to 34, where we find Phil and Trev.

Then up to 62, where we find Lorna and Andrew.

Then up to 100, where we find Ruth and Neil.

Neil, we need a lovely low score from you in the next pass,

to make sure that you are here for the next round. Best of luck with that.

We're coming back down the line now. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, remember, we are looking for capital cities north of London.

Capital cities north of London.

Now then, Charlie, you're on 9. Lovely low score there.

The high-scorers Neil and Ruth on 100. If you could score 90 or less,

you are through to the next round.

Now, Charlie - from time to time, I always like to point out lookalikes.

I'm going to put Charlie exactly mid-point between George Orwell

and Stan Laurel.

LAUGHTER

You are literally the only person I know who would do a George Orwell lookalike.

LAUGHTER

Anyway, there we go.

-I'm not quite as tall as him.

-Two heroes of mine. So there you are, Charlie.

You're in good company. Now then, what are you thinking?

It's going to be hard to follow that,

but I think I'm going to say Helsinki.

Helsinki, says Charlie. Let's see.

Helsinki, is it right? How many people said it?

Absolutely right and you are through to Round Two.

39 for Helsinki. Takes your total up to 48.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Charlie. Safely through. Known as the white city of the north.

I've never met anybody unpleasant from Finland. They're always lovely.

I'm going to say the same about Sweden.

I've never met a Swede I didn't like.

Scandinavia, in general, they're fine people, aren't they?

Neil.

You and Ruth are the high-scorers on 100.

-So I'll go a little bit more obscure...

-We need a brilliant answer from you, Neil.

Not sure if it's north of London, but I'm going to go for Kiev as the capital of Ukraine.

OK, Kiev, says Neil. There's no red line for you, as you are the high-scorers.

You just have to hope this goes down as far as it can. Kiev, Ukraine, is that right? Kiev?

Ooh, no!

Oh, Neil! Unfortunately, that's an incorrect answer.

That means you score the maximum of 100 points.

That takes your total up to 200.

You are in the 200 club, Neil and Ruth.

Head-to-headers last time. 200 club this time. Bad luck.

Sorry, Neil. You did exactly what you had to do and go for an obscure one.

-It's one degree south of London.

-Ooh!

-Kiev. Sorry.

Bad luck. It's cos chicken Kievs come frozen, that's why!

-LAUGHTER

-That's why you said it.

-Definitely.

Now then, Trev. Great news for you. You're through to the next round.

Whatever happens, you won't overtake Neil and Ruth's high score of 200.

Bearing that in mind,

-maybe see if you can find a low-scoring answer. Take a bit of a risk.

-Yeah.

I have two in mind. I was going to go for probably the safer one.

But, as we are, I'll try Tallinn.

Tallinn, says Trev. Tallinn. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said Tallinn.

Absolutely right.

That's a great answer, Trev!

Very, very well done indeed. 5 for Tallinn takes your total up to 39.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Trev. Best answer of the round so far. Tallinn, capital of Estonia.

-Used to be called Reval.

-Ah, yeah!

You remember?

LAUGHTER

Andrew.

I'm going to say Minsk.

OK. Minsk, says Andrew. Let's see if Minsk is right.

Let's see how many of our 100 people said Minsk.

Absolutely right.

Oh! Very, very well done indeed, Andrew!

APPLAUSE

That's a really, really great answer.

I'm sorry that it wasn't used in slightly higher jeopardy circumstances.

But there we are. It was a great answer. Our lowest score of the entire round.

Takes your score up to 63.

Actually, there's no pointless answer, so you could not have given a better answer than Minsk,

the capital of Belarus on the Minsk hills.

Let's see if anyone at home got all 14. Let's look at the lowest three scores first.

We just heard Minsk there.

Warsaw, the capital of Poland, would have scored you 3,

and Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, also 3.

Moving up from there, Riga, in Latvia, would have scored you 6.

Amsterdam, we've had. Berlin, 14. Dublin, 19. Stockholm, 27.

Copenhagen, 32. And the only other one we haven't had is Moscow,

which would have scored you 38 points. So well done if you got all 14 of those. Very impressive.

There's the top three there. Moscow on 38. Helsinki, 39,

and Oslo miles ahead on 62.

It's weird that would score so much bigger than Stockholm.

I mean, weird if you look at a globe.

We're on a very high...

latitude.

We're the 15th most northerly world capital.

Well, yes!

LAUGHTER

One forgets that.

We're literally only one degree further north than Kiev, in the Ukraine.

Exactly. And you think of the Ukraine being very northerly.

You look across our latitude. We're at the same point as Siberia. I mean, we are very northerly.

We are. It's amazing the weather's so lovely all the time.

-LAUGHTER

-That's because... Seriously though.

That's because of the jet stream and the Gulf Stream. We're very, very lucky.

Very fortunate, meteorologically.

If you want to hear more about this, why don't you press the red button now?

LAUGHTER

And by the red button, I mean the one at the top that says "off"!

LAUGHTER

Neil and Ruth, sadly, we have to say goodbye to you. You are leaving us

with a high score of 200, but you did exactly what you had to do.

You tried to do the right thing there, Neil, and you were just one degree out.

You played brilliantly. Neil and Ruth, thanks very much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

And so four pairs become three pairs.

And at the end of this round, three pairs will become two pairs.

Well, that was a very interesting round. Very exciting indeed.

Phil and Trev, our lowest scorers there. Some great answers there.

But a brilliant answer from you there. Minsk. Andrew.

Very, very well done indeed. And, Ema.

-You pulled it out the bag. Amsterdam!

-I know.

What a great answer! Well, very best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two today is Literature.

Literature. This is where it gets interesting.

Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first and second?

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK, our Round Two question concerns...

Writers born on the island of Ireland. Richard.

On each pass we'll show you the name of six works written by somebody who was born somewhere

on the island of Ireland.

You need to tell us who wrote each work.

A nice obscure answer will score fewer points. An incorrect answer will score 100 points.

So 12 writers to guess in all, at home.

Thanks very much indeed. We are looking for the writers of these works. And we have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Now then, Andrew.

I know a couple of those.

Erm, I'll say The Picture Of Dorian Gray, Oscar Wilde.

Oscar Wilde, says Andrew. Let's see if it's right.

And, if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

22!

APPLAUSE

22 for Oscar Wilde. Richard.

Yes, born in Dublin in 1854. It's his only novel.

Very good.

-Phil.

-Er, not too good this one.

There's only one I think I know, so I'll go for Dracula

and I think, hope, it might be Bram Stoker.

Bram Stoker, says Phil, for Dracula. Let's see if that's right

and, if it is, let's see how many people said Bram Stoker.

49.

APPLAUSE

Yes, Abraham Stoker, born in County Dublin in 1847.

Now then, Ema. You're the last person to have this board.

-You can talk us through it, if you like.

-Oh, I don't know any.

This is Charlie's best category and my worst category.

So I'm going to actually have to guess an Irish name

with a book and I'm going to go with Circle Of Friends,

Patrick O'Donaghue.

LAUGHTER

Patrick O'Donaghue, says Ema, for Circle Of Friends.

Patrick O'Donaghue, let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people knew that answer.

Patrick O'Donaghue.

Bad luck.

It's an incorrect answer, but it sounds right, you see.

You should have been watching the show when a guy came up with Man Hathaway.

LAUGHTER

-Oh, that was much worse, wasn't it?

-Patrick O'Donaghue at least is a name.

-Yeah.

-And an Irish name to boot.

Unfortunately, it's an incorrect answer, which scores you the maximum of 100 points. I'm sorry, Ema.

-But a brave shot.

-Thank you.

It's actually by Maeve Binchy, Circle Of Friends.

And would have scored 6 points.

-Ulysses - you'll be very good at these. Ulysses?

-James Joyce.

-28.

-I remember somebody telling me that should really be called "Ulisses".

-Really?

-Yeah, yeah. So if you ever really want to irritate people,

-call it "Ulisses".

-So it's "Ulisses" by Patrick O'Donaghue?

LAUGHTER

-Major Barbara?

-George Bernard Shaw.

-Absolutely right.

5 points. And the best answer on the board -

The Playboy Of The Western World. Do you know that?

-Do you know, I can't...

-3 points to anyone who said J M Synge. J M Synge.

That's a terrific answer. There are three very low scores on that board. It's a tough board,

-especially if you're on podium three.

-Thank you very much indeed, Richard.

OK, we're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores.

22 was the best score of the pass. Andrew, that was yours.

So Andrew and Lorna looking pretty strong for the next pass.

Up to 49 for Phil and Trev.

And then 100, where we find Ema and Charlie.

Now, Charlie, this is where you leap into action.

We need from you a really low score on the next board.

Ema says it's your strongest category, so let's hope she's right.

Best of luck with that. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, we're going to put six more literary works on the board. And here they come. We have got...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. So we are looking for the authors of these works

born on the island of Ireland. And, Charlie, you will try to find the one

you think the fewest of our 100 people knew.

Charlie, you are on 100 at the moment,

so you are the high-scorers by quite a long way.

I know a few of them, but I think I'm going to go for The Third Policeman.

And I believe that is Flann O'Brien.

Flann O'Brien, says Charlie, for The Third Policeman.

There's no red line for you because you're the high-scorers.

Let's see though how far down Flann O'Brien takes you for The Third Policeman. Flann O'Brien.

It's a great answer.

It's a pointless answer!

Charlie, very, very well done.

Pointless answer. That's £250 to today's jackpot.

Takes the total up to £3,250.

It scores you nothing and it leaves your total at 100.

Let's hope that's enough to keep you in the game. It deserves to be. Richard.

Well done, Charlie. A brilliant start to your Pointless career. Flann O'Brien.

Born in County Tyrone. That book was only published the year after his death.

So he never saw its success, sadly.

Very well done indeed, Charlie. Brilliant answer there.

Trev. The high-scorers remain Charlie and Ema on 100, despite that brilliant answer.

You're on 49. So a score of 50 or less will keep you in the game.

Literature is not good for me. It may be a little bit of a gamble.

A name has popped into my head for the top one,

which I am going to say is J M Barrie.

You're saying J M Barrie for The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe?

J M Barrie. Well, here comes your red line.

If you can get below that red line with J M Barrie, you are through to the next round.

OK, let's see if that's right and how many people said J M Barrie.

Bad luck, Trev. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

which scores you 100 points and takes your total up to 149.

Charlie and Ema, you are through to the head-to-head. Richard.

J M Barrie is Scottish. I won't give the correct answer, in case Lorna wants to have a go at the same one.

Now, Lorna, good news. You are through to the head-to-head,

whatever answer you give. Even if it scores 100 points, it won't overtake the high score of Trev and Phil.

You're the last person to have the board. Talk us through it.

I only know two. The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe I believe was C S Lewis.

I think Gulliver's Travels was Jonathan Swift. I don't know the others.

So I will say Jonathan Swift for Gulliver's Travels.

OK, Jonathan Swift for Gulliver's Travels, says Lorna. No red line.

You're already through. Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said Jonathan Swift.

Absolutely right.

23!

-APPLAUSE

-23 takes your total up to 45!

Yes, Jonathan Swift's another one born in Dublin, in 1667.

Let's go through the rest of the board.

You're right about The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe. It is C S Lewis, not J M Barrie.

Trev, sorry about that. 38 points that would have scored.

-Waiting For Godot.

-Samuel Beckett.

-Absolutely right. 6 points.

-She Stoops To Conqueror.

-Oliver Goldsmith.

-It is Oliver Goldsmith. Yeah. 5 points.

And another very low answer, Blackberry Picking. Know that?

-It won the Nobel Prize for Literature.

-No, I don't.

-1 point. Seamus Heaney.

-Oh, Seamus Heaney!

Very well done if you got... Again, look, 1, 5, 0, 6.

Anyone who got all of those, very, very well done.

And, of course, Charlie got the best one of the lot.

Very, very well done indeed. Thanks very much, Richard. So at the end of Round Two,

the losing pair with the highest score, I'm afraid, it's Trev and Phil.

149. Yes, that was a high score.

Bram Stoker, not a bad answer at all, but then...

I think you were thinking of C S Lewis, weren't you? You knew it was two initials and a surname.

Yeah. Literature is probably the worst subject

that could have come up for me, so that's how it goes.

That's how it goes. Trev and Phil, it's been great having you on the show.

You made it through to Round Two this time.

A whole round better than it was last time.

-Thanks so much for playing. Great contestants.

-Thank you.

-Thank you.

-APPLAUSE

-But for the remaining two pairs,

things are about to get even more exciting now as we enter the head-to-head.

Well, congratulations, Andrew and Lorna, Ema and Charlie.

You are now only one round away from the final and a chance to play for our jackpot which stands at £3,250.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

You're now going head-to-head and the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

The big news is, you are now allowed to confer. Well...

Ema...

-Amsterdam. Ssssh-phewwww!

-I know. It's so lucky.

-Patrick O'Donaghue. Yeah!

-Not quite so lucky.

OK. Well, you've done it. You've managed to make it through and you can now talk to Charlie.

Charlie with his Flann O'Brien.

It was our game plan to get me through the first two rounds so that Charlie can win.

-You have done it. And, Charlie, exemplary play there.

-He's amazing.

-Andrew...

Minsk in the first round. Lovely. And then, Lorna, Jonathan Swift in the second round.

Lovely low score there. So very, very well played both of you.

Now your heads go together, who knows what might happen? Let's play the head-to-head.

APPLAUSE

OK, here comes your first question and it concerns...

Monarchs On Film. Richard.

We're going to show you five pictures of monarchs being portrayed in feature films.

Can you tell us which monarch is being portrayed, please?

-Best of luck.

-Thanks, Richard. Let's reveal our five monarchs on celluloid. And here they are...

There we are. Andrew and Lorna, you've played best throughout the show so far,

so you go first.

WHISPERING

Right, we're going to go for "A".

-And we're going to say that's Henry V.

-Henry V?

Andrew and Lorna are saying "A" is Henry V?

Now then, Ema and Charlie, you can do your talking out loud.

OK, we were going to go for that one, actually.

-But, erm...

-I don't know any of them.

-Erm...

I guess I'll say...

"C"... "C" and...

You can talk us through the board, if you like.

-Well, I think "E" is possibly Henry VIII.

-I do know "D"! It's the Queen.

-Yeah.

-I do know that one! Oh, my God! That must look so stupid!

-Erm, Elizabeth II.

Is that "B"? Oh, no! That's "D".

"C" maybe a George, maybe.

Do you think their answer's going to be lower?

-Cos we should go for one that we...

-I think that would be a low one.

-Cos "E" is quite a big one, I think.

-Yeah. I think most people will know the Queen.

-Yeah, I know that one.

-Yeah.

-You think "C" is George something?

-It may be George something.

-Shall we try George something?

-But George something something.

-George III, I think.

-George III?

-Yeah.

-Shall we try that?

-Can we say George III for "C", please?

You're saying "C", George III. So we have "A", Henry V,

and we have "C", George III.

Andrew and Lorna, went with Henry V for "A".

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said Henry V for "A".

Absolutely right.

15!

APPLAUSE

15. Ema and Charlie have said

that "C" is George III.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said George III for "C".

Bad luck.

An incorrect answer, which means Andrew and Lorna,

after one question, you are up 1-0. Richard.

Yeah, unlucky, "C" is actually a pointless answer.

It's Jim Broadbent in The Young Victoria playing William IV.

So terrific answer if you got that at home. It was pointless.

Would have added money to the jackpot.

"B" is Judi Dench playing Queen Victoria. Would have scored you 46.

Helen Mirren, obviously, as Queen Elizabeth II.

That would have scored you 90.

And Charles Laughton as Henry VIII.

And that would have scored you 65.

-So Henry V was a very, very good answer. Well played, guys.

-SIR Kenneth Branagh, of course, now.

-Sir Kenneth Branagh.

-It's our first chance to say that.

-And Dame Helen Mirren.

-Yeah.

-Very good.

-And Dame Judi Dench.

-And Dame... Yeah.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

OK, here comes your second question. Ema and Charlie, you need to win this to stay in the game.

Our second question concerns...

-Muhammad Ali. Richard.

-Going to give you five clues to facts about Muhammad Ali.

-Can you pick the most obscure?

-Thanks, Richard.

Let's reveal our five facts about Muhammad Ali. And here they come...

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Five clues to facts about Muhammad Ali.

Now, Ema and Charlie, you go first this time.

WHISPERING

-OK.

-OK. We're going to go for his original surname,

and say Clay.

Clay, say Ema and Charlie is his original surname.

Clay. Andrew and Lorna.

-Talk us through the board.

-Right. Go for it.

Opponent in "Thrilla in Manila", not sure.

"Rumble in the Jungle", not sure.

I think the British boxer might be Henry Cooper but I'm still not sure.

US state I think is Kentucky.

-Happy with that?

-Yeah, I'm happy.

-OK, you're going with Kentucky, the US state he was born in.

We have Clay and Kentucky.

Ema and Charlie, this is the one you have to win to stay in the game.

Clay you were saying is his original surname. Let's see if that's right.

And if it is, let's see how many people said Clay.

It's right.

64.

APPLAUSE

Andrew and Lorna have said that the state he was born in is Kentucky.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, how many people said Kentucky.

Oh, it's right. Will it beat 64?

Yes, it will.

Wow, 6!

APPLAUSE

That's pretty unequivocal.

OK, that means Andrew and Lorna, after two questions,

you are through to the final 2-0.

-Very well done.

-Well played, Andrew and Lorna.

They called him the Louisville Lip. Louisville, Kentucky, was where he was born.

His opponent in "Thrilla in Manila" was Joe Frazier. Won that in 14 rounds.

Would have scored you 14 points as well.

The city in which the "Rumble in the Jungle" took place was Kinshasa.

That was in Zaire at the time. Now in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

It's where he fought George Foreman. That would have scored 3 points.

And the British boxer who floored him in '63.

Absolutely right, Sir Henry Cooper. That would have scored you 47 points.

So Kinshasa the best answer there, but Kentucky a close second.

Thanks very much, Richard. So our losing pair at the end of the head-to-head,

I'm afraid it's Ema and Charlie.

You were victims of the order in which you played there.

You were put in a really tough position, actually,

Henry V having been picked in that first round.

You had to go for the pointless answer or bust. That was it.

-Yeah.

-And bust.

-Bust.

-Bust it was.

That's exactly who I thought it was. George III. Looked like George III.

-Maybe George IV. Who knew?

-I thought it was a George, but no.

There we go. William IV. Anyway, we'll see you again next time, Ema and Charlie.

Meanwhile, thanks very much for playing. Great contestants!

APPLAUSE

But for Andrew and Lorna, it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, Andrew and Lorna. You've fought off all competition to win our coveted Pointless Trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot.

At the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £3,250.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Well, you've done very well indeed. From Round Two onwards,

you've been our lowest scorers. We've had some pretty good scores in the first round as well.

Then a straight sets, 2-0 victory in the head-to-head. Fantastic!

-Two opticians?

-Well, yeah.

-You should have seen this coming.

-Indeed.

AUDIENCE: Aaaw!

-Not heard that one.

-Sorry.

The rules are very simple. To win the jackpot, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

We've had one pointless answer today. You need one more and you'll leave with that money.

First, you've got to choose a category and you have five choices. The options are...

LAUGHTER

-Right. Well...

-I think Funky Music's out.

-Out!

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

-Modern Playwrights I don't think I'd be too keen on.

-Scottish Sportsmen?

-Scottish Sportsmen, ugh!

-Sports our weakest subject anyway.

-Yeah. No, no.

-Classic Literature.

-Classic Literature or British Actors, what do you think?

-Classic Literature?

-Go on, yeah.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

-OK. Classic Literature, please.

Classic Literature it is. OK, let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds

to name as many Iris Murdoch novels as they could.

-Richard.

-Yeah, any full-length novel written by Iris Murdoch, please.

No short stories or collections or any of her philosophical or non-fiction work.

So any full-length novel written by Iris Murdoch. Very best of luck.

OK, thanks very much. You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £3,250

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-Yep.

OK, let's put 60 seconds on the clock. There they are.

Your time starts now.

-It's down to you.

-I don't know any.

-Oh, great!

THEY LAUGH

-I think we're going to have to...

-Don't know any at all?

-No.

-Erm...

-There was a film, wasn't there?

-Yeah, about her.

-About her.

-Yeah.

-Have you seen it?

-Er, no.

-Erm...

-Er...

-She was married to somebody...

-Somebody?

-..Famous.

-Who was she married to?

-I don't know. Can't think of his name.

-OK.

-Er, what sort of stuff does she write?

-I don't really know.

-I've not read anything of hers. Erm...

-Erm...

We're just going to have to think of some...

-Well, we'll have to think of some titles that are possibles.

-Yep.

-Erm...

-Erm...

-What sort of style, what kind of thing did she write?

Erm... I think it...

-I don't know.

-Let's just think of some titles then.

-Something about flowers.

-I was going to say that.

-Ten seconds left.

-The Black Dahlia.

-Good. The Rose Garden.

-OK.

-And...

-And...

SHE LAUGHS

-My Back Garden.

-My Secret Garden!

-There we go!

Your time is up.

OK, bad luck. Oh, it's awful when that happens.

We were looking for Irish Murdoch novels. I now need three answers from you.

My Secret Garden.

-My Secret Garden.

-The Black Dahlia.

-The Black Dahlia.

-And... What else did you say?

-The other one was... Roses In May.

-LAUGHTER

And Roses In May.

OK, there we are. Three titles of books.

Do you want to put one last? Your least unlikely?

Erm, The Black Dahlia, because I think it actually IS a book.

-The Black Dahlia we'll put last. First?

-My Secret Garden.

My Secret Garden. OK. let's put them up on the board in that order. And here they are. We have got...

So we were looking for Iris Murdoch novels. Have you read any Iris Murdoch?

Clearly not.

LAUGHTER

-But you've seen the film?

-I know there was a film.

-OK.

Your first answer was My Secret Garden. The first one you made up.

You only have to find one pointless answer. What if you do? Maybe you will find a pointless answer.

-The Black Dahlia, you know, that's a novel.

-Yeah.

What if that turns out to be by Iris Murdoch and is one of her lesser known works,

and, er, everyone forgot it

and you walk off with £3,250? It would be amazing.

Andrew, what would you do with that £3,250?

I've just become a granddad recently for the first time.

-So I think I could spend some money there.

-OK. Good.

-Lorna?

-I'd probably put a bit of it into working on our extension on our house.

Excellent. Good. Let's just keep our fingers crossed. You never know.

Quite often you do know, but sometimes you never know!

It could come good. Let's see how many people said My Secret Garden. Is it right?

Ooh! Bad luck. OK.

Not a pointless answer. Not a correct answer, as it turns out.

So only two more chances to win today's jackpot.

Your next answer Roses In May.

Good Mike Leigh sort of film sounds like, doesn't it?

-It might be what I was thinking of.

-Anyway, well...

Sounds a bit like that. This has to be pointless to win that jackpot.

For £3,250, let's see. Is it right? Roses In May.

Bad luck.

Only one more chance to win today's jackpot.

The Black Dahlia is your third and final answer.

Your last shot at that jackpot of £3,250.

Let's just see. Maybe it's right. Maybe it's a correct answer.

The Black Dahlia. Let's find out. Is it?

No!

APPLAUSE

It is going to happen, one day.

When we make an infinite number of Pointlesses, we are going to find someone's made up an answer

that actually is correct. Unfortunately, it wasn't today.

So I'm afraid you didn't find that all-important pointless answer.

-But you do still get to take home our Pointless Trophy, so very, very well done.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

Yes, you were unlucky with the category there.

Very, very tough luck. The Black Dahlia is a wonderful book by James Ellroy.

The Secret Garden is Frances Hodgson Burnett.

Roses In May? I've got nothin'.

I've got nothin'. Let's take a look at the pointless answers here.

The biggest scoring answers were The Bell and The Sea, The Sea. Those were the two highest scoring.

The Sea, The Sea is a wonderful book. Well worth reading.

All of those were pointless answers.

Her last ever novel Jackson's Dilemma.

Flight From The Enchanter, that was her second novel.

And The Green Knight, her penultimate novel.

You could also have had The Message To The Planet, The Nice And The Good

and The Sacred And Profane Love Machine. Well done if you got any of those at home. Tough category.

Very, very tough category and if you haven't read them,

-it's just impossible to be put on the spot.

-I hadn't heard of any of those!

-That's some consolation.

Unfortunately, we do have to say goodbye to you, Andrew and Lorna.

But it's been great having you on the show. Thank you so much for playing. Great contestants.

APPLAUSE

Andrew and Lorna didn't win our jackpot today, which means it rolls over to the next show,

when we will be playing for £4,250.

AUDIENCE: WOOOOH!

-Join us to see if someone can win it. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Media Ltd