Episode 41 Pointless

APPLAUSE

Thank you very much indeed.

Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong and welcome to Pointless,

the quiz show where the questions have been asked to 100 people before the show.

All our contestants have to come up with the answers

that those 100 people couldn't think of.

Let's meet today's players.

Couple number one.

I'm Kate and this is my twin sister Elizabeth, and we're from Manchester.

-Couple number two.

-Hi, I'm John, this is my friend Harry,

-and we're school friends from Edinburgh.

-Couple number three.

I'm Malcolm from Bedfordshire

and this is my son Sam who's at university in Hull.

And couple number four.

I'm Jennie, this is my friend Shelley, and we're from Leeds.

And these, ladies and gentlemen, are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

Thank you all. We'll find out more about you throughout the show.

There's only one person left for me to introduce.

He is the grey matter that matters, our resident pulsating brain in a jar.

-It's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-Hiya. Hi, everybody.

-Hiya. Oh, we've had some really great contestants the last few shows.

-We have.

None of them, none of them could take home that jackpot.

-We've...

-They've been crackers.

They've been very tough final rounds, haven't they?

That's the luck of the draw in the end game.

That's why the jackpot goes up and up and up.

Round One today, I think, should play into Harry and John's hands.

Round One today.

-Very good. OK.

-Don't want to put pressure on them.

Thank you very much, Richard. All our questions on Pointless were put to 100 people before the show,

and our contestants here need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

What everyone's trying to do is find a pointless answer

which none of our 100 people gave. Each time that happens,

we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Well, Richard and James didn't win the jackpot last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that. So today's jackpot starts off at...

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Someone's going to have to win it soon.

Right, if everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

In this first round, I'll take an answer from each of you, but there's no conferring.

The highest-scoring pair after this round will be eliminated.

Try and make sure that's not you. OK, our first category today is...

Scottish Football. Decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK, let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..as they could.

Teams that have played in the SPL. Richard.

We're looking for the names of any teams that have ever played

in the Scottish Premier League, right through from the first season of the SPL, which was 1998-99,

through to the 2012-2013 season.

So any team that's ever played in the SPL. Very, very best of luck.

OK. Thanks very much indeed. Now, Elizabeth,

welcome back to Pointless. You're thrilled with this, aren't you?

I'm over the moon, I can't tell you.

Remind us a little bit about yourselves.

Well, we're from Manchester.

We both worked in the NHS and we're both retired now.

Very good. Now then, Elizabeth,

is this a nightmare for you?

Football is a nightmare, yeah.

Football is. I tend to just switch off when the matches are played,

so it's not going to be easy, but I'll give it a good go.

What are you going to go for?

I'm going to say Queen Of The South.

"Queen Of The South," says Elizabeth.

Queen Of The South. Let's see how many people said that. Let's see if it's right.

Oh, no!

Oh, bad luck, Elizabeth.

That's an incorrect answer

and that scores you the maximum of 100 points.

It may well not be the last 100 points in this round.

As long as the next one isn't yours, Kate.

-Richard.

-Absolutely. That's tough luck, Elizabeth.

At least you tried an obscure one, not a big, obvious one.

-It's the only one I know.

-They haven't been in the SPL.

KATE LAUGHS

Bad luck.

John, welcome to Pointless.

-Thanks.

-What do you do, John?

I work for an e-learning company in Aberdeen in the oil and gas sector.

Tell me an interesting fact about John.

I once cycled the length of Britain, from John o' Groats to Land's End.

-How long did it take you?

-We were away for about two and a half weeks,

but we also went via Ireland and Wales.

-Wow.

-So we weren't going for speed, we were going for leisure.

-For leisure?

-Yeah.

-That's fantastic. Good for you.

What do you like getting up to in Aberdeen?

I follow quite a lot of Scottish football,

but that just heaps the pressure on, really, so we shall see.

-OK, let's have your answer.

-OK.

I think Falkirk?

"Falkirk," says John. Let's see if Falkirk's right.

Let's see how many of our 100 said, "Falkirk."

It's right.

There we are, John. Very well done, indeed. 6 for Falkirk. That's a great answer.

Well played, John. Fell nicely, this category.

You know when people go from John o' Groats to Land's End?

-Yeah.

-I always think about, and I know it's wrong,

but, psychologically, I think it'd be easier to go from John o' Groats to Land's End

-than Lands End to John o' Groats.

-Uphill?

-Feels like it's downhill, doesn't it?

-Yeah.

But, you know, I would be depressed every day having to go up the map.

-Oh.

-Thinking, "I've got another 100 miles and it's all up."

Whereas coming down from Scotland, you'd be like...

-You'd just freewheel it.

-It's going to be a breeze.

-Yeah.

I bet, psychologically, it's easier.

What do you reckon, John?

Yeah, just freewheeled the whole way.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

Now then, Malcolm, welcome to Pointless.

-Thank you.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Malcolm?

I'm currently not working

but I used to run a graduate programme for local government.

Excellent. And what are your strong suits, would you say?

I think cricket, Formula One, geography...

-Scottish Football?

-Scottish Football.

Could be, yeah.

OK. So, have you got an answer?

Heart Of Midlothian.

"Heart Of Midlothian," says Malcolm. Let's see if that's right and let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

29. Well done.

Good answer, Malcolm.

Good, solid answer. Well done, Malcolm.

Their highest SPL finish to date was second in 2005-2006.

-Jennie, hello, welcome to you.

-Hello.

-What do you do, Jennie?

-I'm a university lecturer.

-What do you lecture in?

-Anthropology.

-Very good. Which part of the world do you specialise in?

Well, until recently I worked in forensic anthropology,

so not regional, but gory.

Gory? Tell us about that.

Essentially, it's when you have human remains that have become skeletonised

so that they can't be identified visually.

So, this is historical, almost archaeological human remains?

Many times, yes, but sometimes more recent.

And it would be my job to say whether it was the skeleton of a man or a woman,

old or young person, what race, any life history issues,

-in order to create a profile.

-Wow.

Fantastic. Well, now, Jennie,

how closely do you follow the SPL?

My husband's Scottish, so he's probably going to be yelling at the screen right now.

So I'm going to have to fish around and take a punt on Hibernian.

Hibernian. "Hibernian," says Jennie.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right. Very well done.

Well, 6 our best score so far. 25.

25 for Hibs.

Hibs and Hearts are the big Edinburgh rivals, of course.

We've never had a forensic anthropologist on the show before.

-No.

-If you put the word "forensic" in front of any job title, it sounds good.

-Yeah.

Forensic accountant. You think, "Oh, forensic accountant, is he?"

If you're a Forensic IT consultant, you'd think, "Oh, I wonder what... Ooh!"

Forensic newsagent.

-"Oh, that's interesting."

-Very good.

OK, well, we're halfway through the round. Let's take a quick look at the scores.

The best score, fittingly, was John's in that pass. Very well done.

So John and Harry looking pretty strong.

Up to 25 where we find Jennie and Shelley,

29 where we find Malcolm and Sam,

and, oh, dear, it's the twins,

I'm afraid. Oh, dear.

Elizabeth and Kate, you're on 100.

We'll come back down the line. Can the second players take their places at the podium?

So we're looking for any team that has ever played in the Scottish Premier League.

Shelley.

Shelley, warm welcome.

What do you do, Shelley?

I'm actually a mother now.

I'm on maternity leave at the moment.

So, what did you have?

I've got a beautiful, little, baby girl called Penny.

-Lovely.

-And she's four months and just amazing.

-She's brilliant.

-Excellent. What do you like getting up to in your spare time?

Not that I imagine you get much of it at the moment.

-I like playing my bass trombone, which I don't get to do very much of at the moment.

-Wow.

-Bass trombone?

-Yes.

Is that just much, much, much longer?

It's all the trodden beats. So bom, bom, bom -

-that type of thing.

-There we are. Good.

Bass trombone. Fantastic.

Listen, Shelley, there you are. You're on 25.

Kate and Elizabeth are on 100. If you can score 74 or less, you're through to the next round.

Right. Unfortunately, I have no idea. I don't have a clue.

So, unfortunately, sorry, Jen, I'm just going to say somewhere in Scotland

and say Glasgow. Cos I honestly have no idea

-at all.

-OK. "Glasgow," says Shelley.

Glasgow. Here's your red line.

Below that, through to the next round.

Let's see if Glasgow's right.

Bad luck, Shelley.

I'm sorry. Not a good subject for you.

That scores you the maximum of 100 points.

Takes your total up to 125.

Well, Jennie, if you thought your husband was shouting at the telly before,

he really is now.

No, can't accept it, I'm afraid. I'll give all the answers at the end of the pass.

-Now then, Sam.

-Hello.

-Sam, what do you do, Sam?

-I'm a student at Hull University studying physics with nanotechnology.

What is nanotechnology?

It's the study of very, very small things,

-so atoms and above, really.

-OK. That doesn't include the Scottish Premier League, I'm guessing?

-It doesn't, no, unfortunately.

-Do you follow the Scottish Premier League?

-Vaguely,

now and then. But I'd hope that Malcolm had passed down some knowledge to me, so...

-We'll see.

-OK. We will find out.

Well, best of luck, Sam. What are you going to go for?

I'm going to go with Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

Well, the high scorers are Shelley and Jennie on 125.

You're on 29.

If you can score 95 or less, you are through.

Inverness Caledonian Thistle.

Let's see if that's right. If it is, let's see how many people said it.

14, Sam.

Good job.

14 takes your total up to 43. Very well done.

Good answer, Sam. Very solid there on podium three.

Yeah, they've been in and out of the SPL since it began.

Now then, Harry, here we go. The good news is you're through to the next round.

Phew! How did you and John meet, Harry?

We met playing together in quite a low-quality rugby team back when we were 11.

Although the results weren't great, I think the friendship was cemented then.

Ah. Where did you play in the team?

I think we were the successful back row.

Which, looking at us now, both quite scrawny, I think perhaps not the wisest.

-But not then, back in those days.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Good stuff. What do you do now, Harry?

I'm an English literature student at Glasgow University.

Very good indeed. OK. Now then, what are you going to give me?

I'm going to take a bit of a gamble and go for Partick Thistle.

"Partick Thistle," says Harry.

Partick Thistle. There's no red line for you.

You're already through. Let's see how far Partick Thistle goes down.

Well done. It's right.

5. Even better score than John's.

Very well done, Harry.

5, taking your total up to 11.

Yeah. Seeing how far Partick Thistle goes down is something of a hobby in Scotland.

They have had a couple of seasons in the SPL, though.

And finally, Kate.

This is where we have a moment of truth.

Now then, if you can score 25 or less with your answer..

-Yes, well...

-..you are through to Round Two,

-which you haven't yet been in. I can tell you, it's lovely in Round Two.

-Mmm.

Oh. Do you know, if I had to be anywhere...

It's lovely and toasty. We build a fire and sing songs.

-Yeah.

-Xander gets his guitar out.

-Yeah, I do.

I don't play it, but...

Right, OK.

I know one team for definite but, seriously,

I'm going to have throw a place out in Scotland and just hope they've got a team,

so I'm just going to say Aberdeen. That's what I'm going to say.

"Aberdeen," says Kate.

There we are, OK. There's your red line.

If you get below that, you're through to the next round. Let's see if Aberdeen's right.

It is right!

Oh, no. 31!

You did so well.

31.

131 is your total.

Now, I'm afraid, it's too high.

Shelley and Jennie look mighty relieved.

That's how to pick a Scottish city, Shelley. That's the way to do it.

There's two big teams in Glasgow, Celtic and Rangers. They're the biggest scorers.

Rangers, 67 points.

And Celtic, 66.

There's no pointless answers, but let's look at the lowest ones, the best answers.

Falkirk was a good answer, but there's lower ones.

Gretna would've scored you 3. Livingston would've scored you 3.

Dunfermline, 4. Very well done if you said any of those.

I'll give you some other answers.

Hamilton, Ross County and Partick all scored 5.

St Johnstone would've scored you 11. St Mirren and Kilmarnock both would've scored you 15.

Motherwell, 16. Dundee 23 - if you wanted to guess a Scottish city that would've seen you through.

Dundee would've been the one, 23 points.

And Dundee Utd, 27.

That's all the teams who've been in the SPL.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

At the end of our First Round the losing pair, with their high score of 131,

it's Kate and Elizabeth again. I'm so sorry.

You don't get to see Round Two.

-Kate and Elizabeth, I'm afraid this is goodbye.

-We've had a great time.

-It's been lovely having you on the show.

-Thanks.

-Very brief, but great contestants. Kate and Elizabeth. Thanks for playing.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

But, for the remaining three pairs, it's now time for Round Two.

Now sadly, at the end of this round, another pair will be leaving us.

Well, on the strength of Round One, Harry and John, I don't think that'll be you.

But then, of course, you had a bit of an advantage, being football fans...oh, and Scottish.

Yeah, I think it can only go downhill from here.

-It's a bit like cycling from John o' Groats to Land's End.

-Yeah.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

OK, well, best of luck to all three pairs.

Our category for Round Two is...

Decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

-(Do you know anything about...?)

-Whoever's going first, please, step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Programmes on Radio 4, Richard.

We're going to give you six clues on each pass to Radio 4 programmes past and present.

Give us a nice obscure answer, you score fewer points,

but an incorrect answer scores 100 points.

There'll be 12 Radio 4 programmes to guess at home. Good luck.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So we are looking for the titles of these Radio 4 programmes.

And we have got...

I'll read those all again.

There we are.

Now then, Harry.

Erm, yeah.

I think I'm going to go for, "Guests are cast away with 8 records."

And go for Desert Island Discs.

Harry says, "Desert Island Discs."

Let's see if Desert Island Discs is right. Let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

65.

65. Quite a high score, there.

It is a big score. Better than 100, but it is a big score.

A very popular, very long-running show.

You get to take eight records and a book and a luxury.

I heard it the other day with Gok Wan and his luxury was lip balm.

-Wow.

-Which I thought was very practical.

-Very practical.

-Yeah.

My luxury item would be York Notes,

so I could understand all the Shakespeare.

Aah. Yeah. Cos you get Shakespeare given, you see.

OK. My luxury item would be a yacht.

ALL LAUGH

Now then, Malcolm.

-Malcolm.

-Yes.

I think I'll take a stab at the last one

and say Letter From America.

"Letter From America," says Malcolm. Alistair Cooke's weekly missive.

Is that right? Let's see how many people knew that answer.

It's absolutely right.

Oh, that's a good answer, Malcolm. Look at that. 16. Very well done.

Good answer, Malcolm.

The world's longest-running radio speech programme.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Now then, Jennie. Jennie, you're the last person to have this board.

You can talk us through it if you like.

Erm, I think that the Jenni Murray programme is Woman's Hour.

I haven't the faintest about the Communist football team.

Cromarty, Dogger and Irish Sea is The Shipping Forecast.

And I think that the show that's the antidote to panel games

is probably I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue,

but I'm not confident enough to go for that one, I don't think.

I'm going to have to play safe and say Woman's Hour for Jenni Murray.

Jenni Murray, Woman's Hour, says Jennie.

Let's see if it's right.

Let's see how many people said, "Woman's Hour."

Well done. It's right.

Not bad at all, Jennie. There you go. Wow, 13.

The lowest score of the pass.

Well played, Jennie. You could've got an even lower score

if you'd gone for the antidote to panel games, cos it is I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue.

Would've scored you 6 points.

Yeah, Cromarty, Dogger and Irish Sea. That's simply The Shipping Forecast.

Would've scored 24.

The best answer here is the comedy about Britain's first Communist football team.

-Any ideas?

-It's Lenin something. Len... Oh, I can't remember.

Alexei Sayle plays Ricky Lenin in Lenin Of The Rovers.

1 point, so well done if you said that.

Thanks. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at those scores and recap.

Jennie and Shelley looking the strongest at this point on 13.

Good answer, Jennie.

16 is Malcolm and Sam's score.

65. That was a costly, costly answer there, wasn't it?

Desert Island Discs obviously a very popular show.

So, yes, John, we need a good answer from you in the next pass.

Hope that's enough to keep you in the game.

Well done. We'll come back down the line.

Can the second players step up to the podium?

OK, we've got six more clues to radio shows up on the board, and here they come. We have got...

I'll read those all again.

Remember, we are looking for the lowest score here,

the one you think the fewest of our 100 people will have known. Now, Shelley,

you're on 13. Great answer from Jennie there.

The high scorers on 65 are John and Harry.

If you can score 51 or less, you're through to the next round.

OK. I think I only know one of them, which is the bottom one.

"Panellists must speak without repetition

"or hesitation or deviation."

I think it is the, erm...

I think it's Unbelievable Truth.

"Unbelievable Truth," says Shelley.

Unbelievable Truth.

Here's your red line. If you get below that, you are in the head-to-head.

Let's see if that's right. Unbelievable Truth.

Oh, bad luck, Shelley. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer.

Scores you the maximum of 100 points. Takes your total up to 113.

Sorry, Shelley. Yeah, that's a David Mitchell panel show...

That's what I thought it was.

-..where you have to spot liars.

-Great show.

-Yeah.

Now then, Sam, what do you think about this board?

Well, I can't say I've ever listened to Radio 4.

So this is going to be a bit tricky.

But the only one I think I know

is the one that was once called, "An everyday story of country folk."

And, just based on the theme tune to it, I'm going to say, "The Archers."

-The Archers, with its country folk theme tune.

-Yeah.

-Educated guess.

-OK. There is your red line, Sam.

Let's see if The Archers is the right answer,

let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely. You're through to the head-to-head.

49.

49 takes your total up to 65.

There've already been more than 17,000 episodes of The Archers.

-Wow.

-That's more than Coronation St, EastEnders and Brookside put together.

Now then, John.

John, you had quite a high score there from Harry

but Shelley and Jennie are now the high scorers on 113.

What are you thinking? Fill in the gaps if you possibly can.

The only show I knew on Radio 4 was I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue,

which is quite apt for me for this round.

But I have a feeling that bottom one sounds familiar.

And it's probably not the case,

but I'm going to go for, "Panellists must speak

"without repetition, hesitation or deviation,"

as Mornington Crescent.

Mornington Crescent.

OK, Mornington Crescent. Here's your red line.

Let's see if Mornington Crescent's right.

Let's see if it can get you below that red line.

Bad luck, John. Bad luck. I'm afraid that's an incorrect answer,

scores you 100 points.

Takes your total up to 165, sorry.

Morning Crescent is a game on I'm Sorry, I Haven't A Clue, I'm afraid.

The game where you "must speak

"without repetition, hesitation or deviation" is Just A Minute,

the Nicholas Parsons show. Would've scored you 17 points.

"The panel of horticultural experts quizzed by a live audience".

-Gardeners' Question Time.

-Gardeners' Question Time. Absolutely. 19 points.

"John Humphrys presented this morning show since 1987".

-The Today programme.

-Today, absolutely right. Scored 6 points.

Politicians are obsessed with going on the Today programme.

They think that's where people will hear them, that's where voters listen.

-6 out of 100.

-Wow.

"Marcel Berlins represents the South of England in this quiz".

-The Round Britain Quiz.

-The Round Britain Quiz, yeah. 1 point.

-And the last one is pointless.

-No.

"Ned Sherrin presented this magazine programme for 20 years".

-Loose Ends.

-Loose Ends. Absolutely right. Very well done if you got all of those at home.

Well, thank you very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of Round Two, our losing pair with their high score of 165.

Oh, the low scorers, the teacher's pets from Round One.

What a shame to say goodbye. We'll see you again next time.

We'll look forward to that very much indeed. John and Harry, thanks for playing.

APPLAUSE

For the remaining pairs, things will get even more exciting now as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Malcolm and Sam, Shelley and Jennie.

You're only one round away from the Final and the chance to play for our jackpot,

which currently stands at...

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Obviously, only one pair can play for that money,

so we need to decide which pair it's going to be.

We do that by making you go head-to-head.

The good news is, you're now allowed to confer.

The first pair to win two questions

will be going through to the Final and playing for that jackpot.

Shelley and Jennie, who would you say is your team captain?

-Jennie, definitely.

-Jennie.

-Thanks.

-Because I'm going to say, you've had two answers,

-and you've scored 200 points.

-I am a member of the 200 Club by myself.

-You are, in your own right.

-Don't you listen.

It's fine. You're now allowed to confer.

But Malcolm and Sam, very well done. You're our lowest scorers.

-Thank you.

-Sam, yeah, you should listen to Radio 4.

-Really?

-Yeah, it's good.

-Oh.

-It's good.

That was a very good answer, though.

And, thanks to Malcolm's good answer of Letter From America,

it was enough to get you through, and as the lowest scorers as well.

Very best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here's your first question. And it concerns...

World currencies, Richard.

We'll show you five national flags of different countries.

We need you to tell us the main currency of all of these countries, please.

OK. Thanks very much indeed. Let's reveal our five flags. And here they come. We have got...

There we are.

Double-headed question. Five flags for you to identify,

and then the currencies of those countries you need to name.

Malcolm and Sam, you've played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

-What's the currency of South Africa?

-The rand.

-The rand.

-B is rupee, India. C...

(Shh. You're giving them the answers.)

We're going to go for A,

which is the South African rand.

The rand. "The rand" for A, say Malcolm and Sam. The rand.

Shelley and Jennie,

talk us through the board if you can.

-Ooh.

-E is easy.

B I think is India.

-And I think that that's the rupee.

-Yeah.

-Isn't it?

-That's what I thought.

C, I don't know what that flag is. It looks Eastern European, but I don't know what it is.

I've no idea what D is, have you?

I haven't. Either way, dollar's going to be higher than A if that's correct anyway.

So we might as well go for B and hope it's right and it's lower.

I think we'll go with...

-Do you want to go with rupee?

-Yeah.

-We'll go with B for rupee.

OK, "B, rupee," say Shelley and Jennie.

So we have South African rand

and we have the Indian rupee.

Malcolm and Sam said, "The rand."

Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said it. The rand.

It's right.

16.

16. Good score.

Shelley and Jennie have gone for the rupee, the Indian rupee.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

It's absolutely right.

16 is what it has to beat.

It's getting close. Ooh, you've done it. Look at that, 8.

Very, very well done indeed.

And very good tactics there, Shelley.

You were absolutely right.

Well done. So, Shelley and Jennie, after one question you are up 1-0.

-Richard.

-I think it's people not recognising the flag, is the truth.

Dollar would've scored you 49 points, so wouldn't have seen you through.

D is, that's the Portuguese flag, so the answer is the euro.

Would've scored you 7 points.

That's no-one recognising the Portuguese flag.

C is the Albanian flag.

And that is the lek.

And that would've scored you 2 points, so best answer up there.

Very good. OK, here comes your second question, Malcolm and Sam.

You need to win this to stay in the game.

It concerns...

Tom Hanks films. Richard.

Going to show you five anagrams now of Tom Hanks films.

Can you unscramble them and pick the most obscure?

OK. Let's reveal our five anagrams. And here they come.

We have got...

I'll read those all again.

There we go. Five Tom Hanks films.

Now then, Shelley and Jenny, you go first this time.

-(OK, what do you know?)

-(The top one is Toy Story.)

I don't know what the other two are.

I'm going to kick myself, I'm sure,

but I think we need to go for the middle one.

-OK.

-I think we're going to go for Forge Trumps and Forrest Gump.

OK. "Forrest Gump," say Shelley and Jennie for Forge Trumps.

Malcolm and Sam,

see if you can talk us through the board.

Try Sooty, we think's Toy Story.

The others we really don't have much of an idea.

-The last one is... Can I go for it?

-Yeah, of course.

-Castaway.

-You're going to say Sway A Cat is Castaway?

-Yeah.

So we have Forrest Gump and we have Castaway.

Shelley and Jennie said, "Forrest Gump." Is that right? Let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right.

68.

68. Now then, Malcolm and Sam have said, "Castaway," for Sway A Cat.

Castaway. Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

Absolutely right.

Very well done. That wins you the question.

31.

Well done, Malcolm and Sam.

After two questions, it's 1-all.

Well played, Malcolm and Sam. Jennie, I think you knew some other ones of those, did you?

I knew Toy Story, but I can't think of what the other two are.

Well, if you'd said, "Toy Story,"

you'd be in the Final now, cos it would've scored you 15 points.

-Forrest Gump was the worst one you could've gone for.

-Seemed so easy.

Far and away the biggest scorer, Forrest Gump.

Invaded Toe Chic is The Da Vinci Code.

Would've scored you 5. and Mint Leather is a pointless answer.

Some people would've got it. It's The Terminal.

ALL: Ah.

Thanks very much indeed. OK, so here we are,

the Final, the decider, the third question.

Whoever wins this goes through to the Final and plays for the jackpot.

OK. It concerns...

The Chronicles Of Narnia, Richard.

Simply going to give you five clues to facts about the group of children's books

known collectively as The Chronicles Of Narnia. Good luck, both teams.

OK.

Let's reveal our five clues. And here they are.

We have got...

I'll read those all again.

There we are. Five clues to facts about The Chronicles Of Narnia.

Now then, Malcolm and Sam, you go first again this time.

Do you know the decade? Do you know any of them?

-Hmm.

-OK. Number of books?

-Huh.

-Four? Or shall we say three?

Yeah, OK.

We're going to go with the number of the books in the series

and take a stab at three.

You're going to say, "Three." Three books in the series.

OK, Shelley and Jennie.

See if you can talk us through the whole board.

We think the last one's Aslan.

Erm, we thought that the number of books in the series was four,

-but we're not 100%.

-Not confident enough.

The author, did you say you thought you know?

Yeah, I think that's CS Lewis.

I think more people will know the lion, but I think the number of books

-is going to be lower than both lion and author if they're right.

-Yeah.

-So I think we should be safe and go lion.

-OK.

So we're going to say "Aslan" for the talking lion.

OK, Aslan the lion. Aslan.

So we have three and Aslan. Malcolm and Sam said there are three books in the series.

Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said it.

Oooh, bad luck.

An incorrect answer. Which means, Shelley and Jennie, you merely have to be right with Aslan.

Let's see if you are.

Absolutely right.

36.

Which means, Shelley and Jennie,

after three questions, you are through to the Final, 2-1.

Well played, Shelley and Jennie. Unlucky, guys.

You took a punt with the number of books, and you were so close.

It's seven.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Let's take a look. Would've scored you 18 points.

So would've seen you through

if you'd got it. The author was CS Lewis - a slightly better answer, would've scored you 31.

But the result is the same.

The decade when the books were first published was the '50s.

1950s, yeah. Would've scored you 15.

The title of the final book in the series.

-The Last Battle.

-The Last Battle, absolutely.

That is the best answer up there.

7 points. Well done if you got that.

OK. Thanks very much, Richard.

So our losing pair at the end of the head-to-head, I'm afraid it's Malcolm and Sam.

But that was a very, very good head-to-head. Very exciting indeed.

We'll see you again next time. Look forward to that. Thanks, Malcolm and Sam.

APPLAUSE

But for Shelley and Jennie, it's now time for our Pointless Final.

Congratulations, Shelley and Jennie.

You've fought off all the competition and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot

and, at the end of today's show the jackpot stands at...

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Well, how are you feeling?

Surprised, really, for me.

Well, we don't often have finalists who've survived two big scores like that.

Well, yeah. No need to rub it in.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Yeah, just came here to have fun

and it just so happens we're in the Final, so brilliant.

That's how it works.

Very best of luck. The rules are very simple.

To win all that money, you only have to find a pointless answer.

Do that and you will go home with £17,000.

First you have to choose a category. And here are your five options. They are...

I don't think this conversation's going to take very long, do you?

Erm...

-European authors, no.

-No.

-Darts?

-No.

-American TV?

-Possibly.

If it's one of the many shows that I love, then it could be OK.

-Acid jazz?

-No.

-Poetry.

-Poetry, no.

-Basically we're rubbish on all the other four, aren't we?

-Yeah, we are.

There's no denying that our cultural level is that of American TV.

Yes.

-Yes.

-OK, so, that's the one you're going to go for?

-Yes, please, American TV

-Let's find out what the question is.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

-Oh, God.

-..as they could. 24 characters. Richard.

We're looking for any character who has appeared in 24 or more episodes of the American TV series 24.

So any character who's appeared in 24 or more episodes of 24.

Very best of luck.

OK. You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers.

All you need to win that £17,000, is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-BOTH: Yes.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-I have no idea.

-I've never seen it in my life.

I know Kiefer Sutherland's in it but I don't even know his character.

-I think the surname's...Bauer?

-Bauer, Jack Bauer.

-Jack Bauer?

-That's not going to be pointless, is it?

-No.

It's not.

I'm going to have to make up names. I honestly have no idea.

That's OK, cos some of my students dared me to try and stick one of their names in.

-Right, OK.

-So that'll work.

-That's fine. We'll use one of them.

-Excellent.

-We need two, so...

-OK...

Pick a favourite girl and favourite boy. Brilliant.

Obviously, I don't have favourites.

But the two that were most assertive about it were Alex Brent and Nicole Gilbert.

-They sound... They sound...

-Sounds like a plan?

-Yeah.

-And then we'll do Jack Bauer.

-Seriously, that's not going to work.

-You definitely don't know any characters?

-No, I've never watched it.

I have not got a Scooby. No, not a one.

-Saying that, I watched it and it gave me headaches, so...

-Right.

-Five seconds left.

-We've had a nice day out.

-Yeah.

Aww.

A, you've got your Pointless trophy, so don't worry about that.

B, who's to say that Nicole Brent and Jack Thing aren't actually in the series?

If they are, they're both getting a First.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

OK. We were looking for regular 24 characters.

I now need your three answers. What are they going to be?

-OK. Jack Bauer is first one.

-Jack Bauer.

And then your lovely students.

-Alex Brent.

-Alex Brent.

-Nicole Gilbert.

-And Nicole Gi... Good answer. Nicole Gilbert.

Of those three, which do you reckon's your best shot at a pointless answer?

Erm...

-(Nicole Gilbert!)

-Nicole Gilbert, OK.

-OK, Nicole Gilbert. Yeah.

-we'll go with that.

-Let's put Nicole last.

-Let's.

I think that's a very strong answer.

And the least likely to be pointless?

-BOTH: Jack Bauer.

-Jack Bauer.

-I think he's the main...

OK. Let's pop those up on the board in that order. And here they are.

We have got...

There we are. OK. So we were looking for regular 24 characters.

Jack Bauer was your first answer.

You thought this was your least likely to be pointless.

But let's find out. You only have to find one pointless answer to win that jackpot.

-I don't think it's going to be that.

-Well, we'll find out. Jack Bauer. Let's see.

Is it right?

£17,000. How many people said it? Jack Bauer.

Well, it is right.

Jack Bauer, I wonder where it's going to stop.

It's going down... Ooh, it's passed the halfway point, into the 30s, into the 20s, actually.

Teens, 14!

14 for Jack Bauer.

I mean, he's only the star.

14 people.

-Wow. It makes you kind of wish you'd watched all of 24, doesn't it?

-Mm.

Pretty much anyone in it is going to be pointless on that basis.

OK. Unfortunately not a pointless answer.

You only have two more shots at today's jackpot.

Let's just, just for fun,

wouldn't it just be the perfect, fitting ending

to this amazing and...unusual show,

if Nicole Gilbert were actually the name of one of the bit parts?

-It'd be brilliant.

-I'd buy her a drink.

-I would, and I don't know her.

-I think you'd buy her several drinks, I think, yes.

Don't splash it all on Nicole, for heaven's sake.

Well, we're looking for regular 24 characters.

Let's hope nobody said your next answer. Alex Brent has to be right

and it has to be pointless.

ALEXANDER COUGHS

Alex Brent.

Is it right? How many people said it?

No.

-Who knew?

-Not in it, I'm afraid.

-He's probably credited as Alex K Brent or something like that.

-Yeah.

They're like that. You only have one more chance to win today's jackpot.

Everything is now riding on Nicole Gilbert.

I think this is a very strong answer.

We're looking for regular 24 characters. Your third and final answer, Nicole Gilbert.

Nicole Gilbert.

Is it right, is it pointless, how many people said it?

No, I'm afraid. Oh, dear.

-Damn!

-Dagnabbit!

Unfortunately you didn't manage to find that vital pointless answer.

I'm afraid you don't win today's jackpot of £17,000. That rolls over onto the next show.

You've been brilliant. Wonderful having you here.

You do, of course, get to take home the Pointless trophy, so very well done.

APPLAUSE

I'm really sorry. You have been great.

At least you gave the oxygen of publicity to some of your students.

Nice way to finish. I'll show you some pointless answers. I hope none are names of your students.

For anybody who doesn't watch 24, it's impossible.

Anyone who does, you'd have walked away with the jackpot here,

cos there's some very big names from that series on the Pointless list.

Let's take a look at a few.

Special Agent Aaron Pierce. He's in the first seven series.

He was a pointless answer. President Allison Taylor was a pointless answer. Audrey Raines, pointless.

Bill Buchanan, head of the CTU, was a pointless answer.

Charles Logan, pointless. He was a huge character - Vice-President, then President.

Mike Novick, who was President's Chief of Staff,

is a pointless answer.

Renee Walker. Sherry Palmer, who's David Palmer's wife.

Wayne Palmer, who's his brother and President.

There's a couple more. Curtis Manning would've won for you.

Edgar Stiles and Tim Woods.

So, as I say, for 24 fans,

that category was simple.

If you've never seen it, literally impossible.

Sorry.

We have to say goodbye to you, Shelley and Jennie.

-It's been great having you on the show. Thank you for playing.

-Thanks.

-Shelley and Jennie.

APPLAUSE

Sadly they didn't win our jackpot today, which means it rolls over onto our next show,

when we will be playing for...

AUDIENCE: Wooh!

Join us to see if someone can win it. Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd