Episode 43 Pointless

Thank you very much indeed. Hello. I'm Alexander Armstrong.

Welcome to Pointless, the quiz show where the lowest scorers are the biggest winners.

Let's meet today's players.

And couple number one.

My name's David. And this is Mark, and we're both from Cardiff.

-Couple number two.

-My name's Karen, this is my husband Paul, and we've come from Oxford.

Couple number three.

I'm Shaun, this is Rachel, and we both work together in a special needs school.

And couple number four.

Hello, mate. I'm Andy, this is Dave. Both from Canvey.

Welcome, all of you. These, ladies and gentlemen, are today's contestants.

APPLAUSE

We'll be finding out more about you all throughout the show as it goes along.

There's only one person left to introduce.

With a tell-tale smile of a man who's got away with not wearing trousers again today,

-it's my Pointless friend. It's Richard.

-It's true. It's true.

Hi, everyone, hi.

Ah, how are you?

-I'm very well.

-I've only just got over the last show.

-Ah.

-The jackpot's still there, getting ever bigger. Only got one returning pair, Rachel and Shaun.

-Who didn't stay too long last time, did they?

-No.

So the money's there and, as I say, we had it very, very nearly won last time.

Someone will win it at some point.

Could be one of the four pairs we've got in front of us right now.

In fact, one of the teams is not a pair,

-because Shaun, remember last time...

-Yeah.

-We found out he's a ventriloquist.

-He's quite a good ventriloquist.

-Yeah, but he's actually brought his dummy this time, I think.

-Oh, he's brought the Real Shaun Jacques?

-Correct.

-Wow.

-And I'm sure, during the first round, we'll get a look at him.

-Oh, we've got to do that.

Must do that. Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

All our questions on Pointless were put to 100 people before the show.

Our contestants here need to find the obscure answers those 100 people didn't get.

Everyone, of course, is trying to find a pointless answer which none of our 100 people got.

And each time that happens, we will add £250 to the jackpot.

Ray and Stevie didn't win the jackpot, as we heard, last time,

so we add another £1,000 to that. So today's jackpot starts off at...

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Right. If everyone's ready, let's play Pointless.

So in this round I'll be taking an answer from each of you, but there's no conferring.

The highest-scoring pair at the end of the round will be eliminated,

so try and make sure that's not you.

Our first category today is...

Countries. Can you all decide in your pairs, who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many...

..countries with a population greater than 50 million as they could.

-Richard.

-Yeah. We're looking for the name in English of any country with a population over 50 million.

And that's as of July 2012 according to the CIA World Factbook website.

So any country with a population over 50 million, other than the UK.

-Very best of luck.

-Richard, what do you mean by "country"?

By "country" I mean a sovereign state that is a member of the UN in its own right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

-Now, then. Welcome, Mark.

-Hiya.

-Great to have you here. What do you do, Mark?

-I'm a dental technician.

-That's not the same as a dentist.

-No, it's not.

-Aah.

We actually make the crowns and bridgework for the dentists.

-Aah.

-And other appliances as dentures.

So, what do you make them out of?

-People can choose, can they?

-Yeah.

Precious metals. Porcelains.

Aah. What's the snazziest one you've made up?

I have made a gold front tooth

for a pop star.

-With a diamond in it?

-With an emerald.

Classy. Oh, that's yours!

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Who would have an emerald in their teeth?

I know. It'd look like a bit of spinach, permanently.

OK. Listen, Mark. We're looking for countries with a population of more than 50 million people.

Right. I'm going to go for...

..Bangladesh.

Bangladesh, says Mark. Bangladesh.

Let's see if it's right. Let's see how many people said Bangladesh.

Absolutely right.

Oh, very well done, Mark!

What about that? That's how you start in Pointless.

A pointless answer. It adds £250 to today's jackpot,

takes it up to £19,250,

and it scores you nothing.

-An exemplary start.

-Thank you.

-Very well done.

Wow. Welcome to Pointless, Mark. Terrific work.

Yeah. Bangladesh, it's about the same size as Iowa, but it's got 161 million inhabitants.

-Wow.

-Yeah.

Busy.

Karen.

Karen, welcome. You're from Oxford.

What do you do?

I work for a company that writes software for banks,

-so it's quite specialist and normally a bit...

-Ah, encrypted software.

-Very much, yeah.

-Ooh, exciting.

-Very specialist.

Are you only allowed to know a tiny little bit of the whole thing

-so you don't spill out any important information?

-Yes.

We see a lot of numbers going backwards and forwards,

-a lot of foreign exchange trades.

-What do you like getting up to when you're not doing that?

My husband and I, we play softball for a team in Oxford called The Beavers,

which we've been playing for about two years now.

-And, so that's...

-How are The Beavers doing in the Oxford league?

-We're terrible. We always lose.

-Really?

We go to tournaments and we don't win a single game, but we do drink a lot of beer

and have a really good time, so it's much more about the social aspect for us than any sporting prowess.

Very good indeed.

Now, what are you going to say?

I'm trying to think of a country that I know the population of,

so I have some point of reference...

-Hmm.

-And it's...

-I tell you what. Bangladesh.

ALL LAUGH

-Doesn't help me too much, I'm afraid.

-Not really.

So I'm just going to go for one that I know has a high population and say Japan.

Japan, says Karen. Japan.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many people said Japan.

Absolutely right.

34.

APPLAUSE

Well played, Karen. I think that's a very solid answer. 127 million people in Japan.

There we are.

Now then. Rachel.

Welcome back to the show. Our only returning pair.

How are you feeling on your return trip?

-A little nervous, I have to say.

-Remind us what happened last time?

I picked the wrong famous Richard, I think.

Yes. Richard Burton, 77.

You went for a Burton quite literally, there.

-Yes.

-GROANS AND SCATTERED LAUGHTER

Oh, groans.

No, it's fine. It's nothing less than my due.

Rachel, how are we feeling about countries with populations of over 50 million?

I know a few countries with lots and lots of people in.

I'm not sure which one to go for, but I'm going to take a bit of a risk.

I'm going to go for Pakistan.

Pakistan, says Rachel.

Let's see if that's right, and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said it. Pakistan.

It is right.

34 our high score and 0 our low.

Ooh, very well done.

Just under halfway between.

12 for Pakistan.

Another good answer. Well done, Rachel. Population of Pakistan? What do you reckon?

It's going to be huge.

-It's more than 50 million, yeah. I'll give you that.

-Definitely.

It's going to be... 100 and... 160 million.

Aw. Count again.

-It's more?

-190 million.

-190 million?

-Mm.

-There you go. Wow.

-It's a lot.

-That is a lot.

-Yeah.

-Whoa.

-It's millions, isn't it?

-It is.

Yeah.

Very well done, Rachel. Great score.

Now then, Andy. Welcome to Pointless. Good to have you here.

From Canvey Island. What do you do, Andy?

I run a small window company and cladding business.

Window and cladding?

-Yeah.

-Like glazing, or is it double-glazing, or...?

-Yeah.

-Double-glazing, yeah.

-Very good.

Now, how did you and Dave meet?

We actually met on the Milk about 21 plus years ago.

-You met "on the Milk?"

-Yeah.

-I... You have to tell me what that means.

-I'm sorry.

-He was a milkman.

Oh, I see, right. Not on the teat. Sorry, but...

ALL LAUGH

It could have meant that.

You met on the Milk.

You weren't a milkman?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd just left my previous employment and went on the Milk for a little while.

So you went on the Milk and then you went on the Glass and the Clad after that.

Andy, what do you like to do in your spare time?

I like playing a bit of football, fishing, supporting my lovely team, Tottenham Hotspur.

-Erm, that's probably it, really.

-Very good indeed.

Now, how do you feel on geography? How are we feeling about this?

-So-so. I think I've got one, but I don't know.

-What's it going to be, Andy?

I'm going to go for New Zealand.

New Zealand. New Zealand. There's only one way to find out. Let's see. New Zealand.

Is it right? How many people said it?

Ooh, no!

Oh, Andy. Unfortunately an incorrect answer.

Which means, I'm afraid, they're under 50 million

and you're on 100 points. I'm really sorry, Andy.

Sorry, Andy. There's actually less than 5 million people in New Zealand.

If it was countries with a population of sheep greater than 50 million,

it would have been a terrific answer.

Very good. Now, we're halfway through the round, so let's take a look at the scores as they stand.

The best score of the round was the first.

Mark, very, very good. Bangladesh. Lovely low score of nothing there.

Mark and David looking pretty strong at this stage.

Up to 12. Rachel and Shaun, very well done. 34, Karen and Paul.

And, oh, bad luck, Andy and Dave.

100 points. Dave, best of luck. You know what you have to try and do in the next pass.

Hope that's enough to keep you in the game. Good luck.

We'll come back down the line now. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK, so remember, we're looking for countries with a population of over 50 million.

Now then. Dave. Dave, what do you do?

I'm a handyman.

What's your favourite bit of handiness?

-Painting, probably.

-Painting.

-Yeah.

What's your least favourite thing? When someone says, "would you do this?"

and you have to smile and say "yes, of course."

-Roofing.

-Ah.

-What, re-felting?

-Yeah.

-Oh dear, oh dear.

What do you like getting up to in your spare time?

-Football and golf.

-Very good.

How long ago did you get off the Milk?

Probably about 12, 15...

..15?

-Don't look at me. Yeah, about 15.

-About 15 years ago.

Very good. Now then.

-You are the high scorers by quite a margin there, Dave.

-Yes.

With 100. But who knows? There might be another incorrect answer

and a really low score from you could see you through.

I think I'll go...Thailand.

Thailand, says Dave. There's no red line. Normally there is, but you're the high scorers, so there isn't.

Let's hope Thailand's right and it goes down as far as it possibly can.

Let's see how many people said it.

Ooh, it's right.

Ooh, it's a good answer. Look at that, Dave. Very well done indeed. 7. Perfect.

Our second-lowest score of the entire round so far.

Very well done. 107 your total.

-Is it enough to see you through, I wonder?

-Terrific answer. Well done.

Yeah. Population's 67 million.

Very well done. Ooh, look!

-Now, Shaun.

-Yeah.

-And the Real Shaun Jacques.

-DUMMY: Hello.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Hi, Shaun.

-That's properly good.

-It's like he's talking, but he's not talking.

-Yeah.

-Who's talking?

Shaun Jacques, what do you like getting up to?

Erm... Many things.

Watching the Muppets, mainly.

And, Shaun Jacques, do you...

Sorry, smaller Shaun...

-Well done wearing the same clothes.

-Thank you. He copied me.

Oh, really?

How many wardrobes do you have?

Everything I have, he has copied me.

Aah.

Now then.

Shaun Jacques, how well-travelled are you?

Erm... I go everywhere in a bag.

ALL LAUGH

-SHAUN: That bag's been quite a lot of places, hasn't it?

-Yeah, but I don't see out of it.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-Don't think you'll be much help, will you?

-No.

Listen, Real Shaun Jacques and Shaun, just...if you don't confer for this, that'd be helpful.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

I wouldn't talk to him if I didn't have to.

ALEXANDER LAUGHS

What are you going to go for? A country with a population of over 50 million.

I think I'm going to play it a bit safe

and say Brazil.

Brazil. Can you say Brazil,

er, Real Shaun Jacques?

-Drazil.

-Say it again?

-Drazil.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS

-So, one more time?

-D-r-a-zil.

-That's not bad, actually, is it?

-No, not bad.

-Not bad.

What's wrong with it?

-Think he's going on the "B" thing.

-Oh.

-All right.

No, very good indeed. Brazil, says Shaun. Brazil.

Now, the highest scorers, on 107, are Dave and Andy.

You're on 12. If you can score 94 or less, you're through.

That's what it looks like. There's your red line.

Let's see if Brazil's right. Let's see how many people said it.

You are through.

25. Very well done indeed.

37 your total.

Well done, Shaun. Yeah. Nearly 200 million people in Brazil. I have to say, though,

that the Real Shaun Jacques answer of "Drazil" would have been an incorrect answer.

-Would have scored 100 points.

-I said D-r-a-zil-a.

Drazilla?

D-r-a-zil.

-Drazil.

-I'd give up.

-Oh.

Thanks very much. Now then, Paul.

-Welcome to the show.

-Thank you.

You are from Oxford. What do you do in Oxford?

That's right. I'm studying a PhD in computer science.

Computer science? Where did you and Karen meet?

We met at Loughborough University. We were both studying there.

-What were you studying there?

-Computer science.

Would... I know, that sounds like an obvious question,

but I've never met anybody who didn't study sport or something to do with sports at Loughborough.

-We're very few.

-But your reason for being at Loughborough

-was entirely academically based?

-That's right, yeah.

I see. Very good. Well, you are the first person I've ever met

with those credentials. Fantastic.

Now. How are you feeling about this?

You are the last people to be in any danger of overtaking Dave and Andy.

Obviously, David and Mark, even if they get it wrong, won't overtake that score.

Do you think you can see yourselves through?

It's a bit difficult to know how much risk to take on,

so I think I'll go

for a similar part of the world to the last answer, and go for Mexico.

Mexico.

Mexico, says Paul. Here's your red line.

If you get below this, you are through to the next round.

Mexico, says Paul. Let's see if that's right.

Let's see how many people said it if it is.

Very well done. You are in Round Two.

10 for Mexico.

44 your total.

Well played, Paul. I think everyone's negotiated this round very well.

-Haven't they?

-It's been very impressive. About 114 million people in Mexico.

Now then. David.

You've waited all this time so patiently,

and here we are. We finally get to you.

You are through to the next round whatever happens,

thanks to Mark's excellent score of 0.

How are we feeling about countries with populations over 50?

Mark did so well. Wouldn't it be brilliant if you could do as well as Mark

and add another £250 to the jackpot?

Got Japan, Canada and USA.

I'll go for Canada.

-Canada.

-Canada.

-Canada, says David. Canada. No red line for you.

You're already through. Let's see how many people said Canada.

Ooh!

Ooh. Ooh, maybe it's just big in terms of land rather than population.

Anyway, an incorrect answer scores you 100 points.

Doesn't matter though, cos you're through to the next round anyway.

Yeah. Second-largest country in the world in terms of land,

-but only 34 million people live in Canada.

-Oh.

-Yeah.

Very spaced out over there.

There were a couple more pointless answers.

We've had one already. There's three in all. Let's take a look at them.

There's Bangladesh, Burma and Ethiopia. Both of those would have been pointless.

Very well done if you said that. I'll tell you a couple of the smaller scorers as well.

Iran and The Democratic Republic of Congo

both would have scored one point. Would have been terrific answers.

The Philippines, two. Egypt and Vietnam would have scored three.

Vietnam would have been a very good answer. Turkey, four. Indonesia, five. Nigeria, six.

Let's look at the top three answers now, the ones that most of our 100 people said.

India's got over a billion people. 57 points.

China. It's got the most of all. 1.3 billion. Would have scored 88.

And 313 million for the United States of America. 89 points.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard.

So, at the end of our first round, our losing pair, with a high score of 107 points,

I'm afraid it's Dave and Andy.

Dave. You were only 7 points ahead, though.

-I know.

-Oh. Our low scorers came almost to catch you up, there.

Real shame to be saying goodbye to you so soon,

but we'll see you again next time. We'll look forward to that.

Thanks so much for playing. Dave and Andy.

APPLAUSE

But for the remaining three pairs it's now time for Round Two.

Now, sadly, at the end of this round we'll be saying goodbye to another pair.

Wonder which it's going to be?

David and Mark. The lowest score of the round and the joint highest score of the round there, David.

Ooh, very... See, everyone else had nice low scores.

You had one very high score.

You have one more round before you're allowed to confer.

You have to make sure you get through this next round. Very, very best of luck with that.

OK. Our category for Round Two is...

Ancient History. Can you all decide in your pairs who's going to go first, who's going to go second.

And whoever's going first, please step up to the podium.

OK. And the question concerns...

Figures of the Roman Empire. Richard.

OK. On each pass we're going to show you six clues to famous figures from the Roman Empire

or connected to the Roman Empire.

Give us a nice, obscure answer, you score fewer points.

An incorrect answer will score you 100 points.

-There's going to be 12 figures from the Roman Empire to guess at home. Good luck.

-Thanks very much indeed.

So we are looking for the Roman Empire figures described by these clues.

And here is our first board of six.

I'll read those all one last time.

There we are. Six clues to leading figures of the Roman Empire.

Now then, Mark.

I'm going to go for the third answer,

"he crossed the Alps with his army supported by elephants."

And I'm going to say Hannibal.

Hannibal, says Mark. Let's see if Hannibal's right. Let's see how many people said Hannibal.

Absolutely right.

49.

49.

Yeah. One of the greatest military commanders in history, he's often regarded as, Hannibal.

49 points. Also good in the A-Team, wasn't he?

Brilliant. Really good.

Karen. There we are.

Five options left on the board.

And I still only know one of them.

But I'm glad I know one. It could be a lot worse.

So I'm going to say the Emperor who fiddled while Rome burned was Nero.

Nero fiddled while Rome burnt, apparently.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said it.

Absolutely right. 49 our best and worst score so far.

55.

Yeah. That was in 64 AD.

-When they said, actually, the fiddle had yet to be invented.

-There we are.

Now then. Rachel.

You are the last person to have this board, in fact.

The one I'd like to have gone for is gone.

And I don't know all of them.

This might force you into finding something you know at the back of your mind.

It's forcing me into possibly dragging something out of my mind,

and I think Homer wrote the Aeneid.

Homer, you are saying. Homer, for the Aeneid.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said Homer.

Ooh, bad luck. I'm afraid an incorrect answer.

Homer did not write the Aeneid. That scores you 100 points.

Sorry, Rachel. He wrote the Iliad,

-which is similarly titled.

-I was hoping he wrote two.

He did. He wrote the Odyssey as well.

He did write more than one thing, but neither of them were this one, I'm afraid.

It was Virgil, actually. Would have scored you nine points.

Course, Homer went on to appear in The Simpsons and Virgil went on to appear in Thunderbirds.

That's how I remember that.

Derek Jacobi played...

-Claudius.

-Claudius.

Absolutely right, in I, Claudius. Would have scored you 25 points.

-Promised to appoint his horse to the senate?

-Caligula.

-Caligula.

Absolutely right. Would have scored 20 points.

And 30-metre statue?

-Trajan?

-Trajan is absolutely right.

It's the best answer on the board as well. Six points. Very well done if you said that.

-Well done. You been there?

-Honeymoon, yeah.

Ah, of course.

Our honeymoon. We went...

ALL LAUGH

-That was lovely, wasn't it?

-Aww.

-The weather, weather not so great.

-Yes. My only wish would be that it had been a bit warmer.

-But the hotel.

-Aah!

Just...they could not do enough for you.

-They were lovely, weren't they?

-They were. They really were.

-Terrific.

-Absolutely terrific.

Thank you very much, Richard. We're halfway through the round. Let's look at the scores as they stand.

49 the best score of that pass.

Mark and David, very, very well done. Who'd have thought that would be the best score?

Looked like quite a high one to start with. But you've done it again, Mark.

Karen and Paul on 55 and then Rachel and Shaun on 100.

It might well not be the last 100 we see in this round.

So, Shaun, as long as you answer carefully in the next pass,

everything should be fine.

We'll come back down the line now. Can the second players please take their places at the podium?

OK. We're going to put six more clues on the board. And here they come. We have got...

I'll read that again.

There we are. Now, remember we are looking for these figures from the Roman Empire.

Now then, Shaun. You're the high scorers on 100.

We need a really good, low score from you. What do you make of the board?

-No. Don't like that at all.

-No, really?

No. I didn't know anyone... I knew one on the first board,

and I think I know one on this one,

but I've got to go for something that's a bit more obscure.

I have no idea.

History's not a good thing at all for me.

I'm torn between two, one which will be very well-known,

and one that I don't even know is actually an answer.

I'm going to have to go with one I know is right, and go for

"emperor who gave his name to a line of fortifications."

That's Hadrian.

Hadrian, says Shaun. Hadrian. There's no red line for you, as you're the high scorers,

but let's see how many people said Hadrian.

It's right.

56.

156...

..your total.

DUMMY: That's a pretty big score.

LAUGHTER

DUMMY: Oh, Shaun.

Shaun, how does that feel?

-That's like an out-of-body experience.

-Yeah.

A little bit jealous, maybe?

-This is really hard.

-It's really hard.

-Really difficult.

-Yeah.

-This is really difficult.

DUMMY: I know. I do it all the time.

Not bad, first crack at it.

I mean, obviously I can see your mouth moving a lot.

And it's quite hard to understand what you're saying.

But it's...

-Do you want to have a go?

-No.

ALL LAUGH

DUMMY: Bye!

Aww. Bye-bye, Real Shaun Jacques.

Bye!

It's not bad.

Anyway. There we are. Now then, Paul.

Paul. Ancient History?

-Not so good, I'm afraid.

-Oh, right.

Well, I have great news. The good news is,

by one point you are through to the head-to-head whatever happens.

Even if you score 100. So that takes a bit of pressure off.

I think we may have dodged a bullet there.

What are you going to go for?

I really don't have a clue for any of them.

So I'm going to guess "emperor who built a palace in Split, Croatia,"

is Caesar.

Caesar. Caesar is...

That's a bit like saying, "the emperor I'm going to pick is Emperor."

-That's right. Yeah.

-OK.

There are...do you want to pick a Caesar?

OK. I'll go for Julius Caesar.

OK. Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar, says Paul.

Let's see if that's right and if it is, let's see how many of our 100 people said Julius Caesar.

Nope.

Bad luck. An incorrect answer.

Scores you 100 points, takes your total up to 155,

but you are still through to the head-to-head.

Sorry Paul, yeah. But through by one point, which is pretty good.

-I'll give the correct answer at the end of the pass.

-David.

Obviously, you are also through to the head-to-head.

What do you make of this board? Can you fill in any of the gaps?

Can't fill any gaps in it at all, sorry.

Really struggling.

Erm, "summarised his Asia Minor campaign" is Canigula?

OK. Dave is going to say Canigula for "summarised his Asian campaign 'veni, vidi, vici.'"

Let's see if that's right. No red line. You're already through. Let's see if Canigula is right.

Ooh! No surprise there, David.

Anyway. That's an incorrect answer. Scores you 100 points. Takes your total up to 149.

But it's academic. You're through to the next round anyway.

Very well done. Richard.

-Sorry, David. That must be just about the highest-scoring second round we've ever had.

-I know.

-Wow. That was...

-Some of these are...

-That's really quite something.

-Some of these...

-David, all you needed to do was nick Paul's answer.

-Julius Caesar.

-Oh, I see.

-It was his Asia Minor campaign. Could have had that. Would have scored you 28.

-Yeah.

-You know the name of the gladiator as well.

-That was...

-Spartacus.

-"I am Spartacus."

Absolutely right. Would have scored 24.

-The poet?

-The satirist was Juvenal.

Juvenal. Absolutely right. Would have scored you three.

-The orator?

-That I would... I'm going to guess Cicero.

Cicero is right. That would have scored you seven.

And the best answer up there is "the emperor who built a palace in Split, Croatia."

-I don't know that one.

-It's the best answer here. One point to anyone who said Diocletian.

Very well done if you said that. Very well done to the one of our 100 people who said that too.

Good stuff. Thank you very much, Richard.

So, at the end of Round Two, our losing pair with the high score of 156,

it's Shaun and Rachel.

Lovely to have you back. I really hoped you'd be through to the head-to-head and beyond this time.

And thank you, Real Shaun Jacques, for bringing Shaun along this time.

-DUMMY: Oh, thank you.

-No, it's been great to have you.

It's been a pleasure.

Anyway, Real Shaun Jacques, Shaun, Rachel, lovely contestants.

Thanks so much for playing. Brilliant.

But for the two remaining pairs they're about to get one step closer to the final now

and a chance to take home the jackpot, as we enter the head-to-head.

Congratulations, Karen and Paul, David and Mark. You are now only one round away from the final

and a chance to play for our jackpot, which currently stands at £19,250.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Now, only one pair can play for that money,

so we have to decide which pair it's going to be. We'll do that by going head-to-head.

This time you are now allowed to confer.

And the first pair to win two questions will be playing for that jackpot.

So, how are you feeling, Karen and Paul?

-I'm amazed that we're here, actually.

-It was a very tricky second round that, wasn't it?

Those first two questions, I don't think either of us were even remotely confident about.

So we're just hoping that this question's going to be something that we know something about,

-and we can give a confident answer.

-Well, let's hope so.

It makes a big difference being able to confer. David, obviously, we've had two 100s from you.

-Yes.

-So, yes, good to have Mark on board at this stage.

-I've got to get down to low answers.

-Yeah.

OK. Well, listen, best of luck to both pairs. Let's play the head-to-head.

Here comes your first question.

And it concerns...

Famous Stans, Richard.

Yeah, we're going to show you photos now of five famous people from Tajikistan

or Kazakhstan... Not really.

We're now...

ALL LAUGH

Oh, dear.

Worth it, though, for the look on your face.

We're going to show you five pictures now of celebrities called Stan.

Can you tell us the most obscure, please?

Thanks very much indeed. Let's reveal our five Stans. And here they come. We have got...

There we are.

Five Stans.

Karen and Paul, you've played best throughout the show so far, so you get to go first.

-A?

-B is Stan Laurel.

I think C is Stanley Matthews, the football player.

Oh. I recognise D as well. He was in Devil Wears Prada.

-Do you know his name?

-I don't know.

We think we know A and B,

and possibly C.

I think we're going to try A and say Stan Lee.

Stan Lee, say Karen and Paul. Stan Lee for A.

Now then. David and Mark.

The rest of the Stans are yours. Talk us through them.

-Well, B is Stan Laurel.

-Stan Laurel.

-Stan Laurel.

-Stan Laurel.

-C is Stanley Matthews.

-Stanley Matthews.

Don't know D. And E, Stanley Baldwin?

-I think we'll probably go for C.

-Stanley Matthews.

-We love football.

-Yes. Stanley Matthews.

Stanley Matthews, C, say David and Mark. Stanley Matthews.

So we have Stan Lee and we have Stanley Matthews.

In the order they were given, Karen and Paul said Stan Lee.

Let's see if that's right. If it is, let's see how many people said Stan Lee.

Absolutely right.

Ooh, it's a great answer. 10. Very well done indeed for Stan Lee.

David and Mark have gone for Stanley Matthews, C. There he is.

Stanley Matthews. Let's see if that's right, let's see how many people said that.

It's right.

The question is, is it going to beat 10, which is lovely and low?

Down it... Ooh, no. 19 for Stanley Matthews.

Which means, Karen and Paul, after one question you're up 1-0.

Well played, Karen and Paul. It's a good answer.

The comic book writer, producer, editor, all sorts of things, Stan Lee.

Co-created Spiderman, X-Men,

Thor, all sorts of characters.

B, you're right, guys, was Stan Laurel,

but would have scored you 69 points.

D. I think lots of people recognise him.

Actor and all sorts of things. Stanley Tucci.

Would have scored you three points. It's the best answer up there.

And E. David, you were right about that. It is Stanley Baldwin.

But wouldn't have won you the point, because it would have got you 30 points.

Thanks very much indeed.

OK. Here comes your second question.

David and Mark, this is the one you have to win to stay in the game. It concerns...

-Richard.

-Yeah. We're going to show you five anagrams now of common birds from around the world.

Can you unscramble them and pick the most obscure?

OK, so let's reveal our five birds.

And here they are. We have got...

I'll read those all again a second time.

There we are. Five anagrams of birds.

David and Mark, you go first this time.

What do you reckon, Mark? Anagrams.

Yeah. I know one.

Which one?

The fourth or the third one down.

Oh, yeah.

-What do you reckon?

-Right. Yes.

The third one down, Alexander. Mallard.

Mallard, say David and Mark.

Now, Karen and Paul.

Talk us through the rest of the board if you can.

We definitely know the fourth one down, or we think we do.

We think that's blue jay.

-I'm struggling on any more.

-Yeah.

I think we'll just have to go for blue jay, won't we?

-Sorry. Yeah.

-We're going to go for blue jay.

OK, you're going to go for blue jay. So we have mallard, we have blue jay.

David and Mark said mallard.

Let's see if that's right and, if it is, let's see how many of our 100 said mallard.

Well, it's absolutely right.

42.

42 for mallard.

Karen and Paul have said blue jay for "jab yule."

"Jab yule," blue jay. Let's see if that's right. Let's see how many people said that.

If you win this, you go through to the final and play for £19,250.

It's absolutely right.

Is it going to beat 42? Looks like it might.

Yes, it will. Very well done indeed. 20 for blue jay.

Very well done. Karen and Paul, after only two questions, you are through to the final 2-0.

Unlucky, David and Mark.

Let's take a look at the rest of the answers.

Two of them would have won it for you. Not "elk rest," which is kestrel.

That would have scored you 34.

Now, these other two are both low scorers.

One of them is a very common bird, and that's "warhorse soup."

Which is house sparrow.

Would have scored you five points,

but a very tough anagram to work out.

and "gland risen" is a bird you find in the High Arctic seas.

It's a terrific answer if you got it.

One point for sanderling.

Sanderling or Sah-nderling.

Very well played if you got that.

Thanks very much indeed.

So, our losing pair at the end of the head-to-head, I'm afraid it's David and Mark.

-Never mind.

-Ooh, Mark. We were hoping a little bit of Marky Magic might come out there.

-Yeah.

-You know.

-You've given us a pointless answer today.

We've really enjoyed ourselves. It's been a great day.

Don't sound too valedictory yet, cos we're going to see again next time.

We'll look forward to that.

But meantime, David and Mark, thanks very much for playing.

APPLAUSE

But for Karen and Paul it's now time for our Pointless final.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Congratulations, Karen and Paul. You've seen off all the competition

and you have won our coveted Pointless trophy.

You now have a chance to win our Pointless jackpot,

and at the end of today's show, the jackpot stands at £19,250.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

Well, you've done it.

It wasn't pretty all the time, was it?

But here you are. You've ended up where you needed to, in the final.

Very, very good indeed.

We've had one answer from you. We had Caesar from you in Round Two, Paul.

-It was a very tough round, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

I think we were really lucky in that one. I only knew one answer on either board, and...

Yes, you didn't do brilliantly, but everyone did worse.

Everyone else did worse. Which is fine. In Pointless, that's good enough.

What would you like to see come up in this final round?

I'm guessing softball.

-Softball, yes.

-Or beavers.

-Yes. Beavers would be amazing.

-I think science and technology.

-Maybe Disney, for me.

-OK.

-Formula One for you, I think.

-Led Zeppelin. There's quite a range.

-Quite a few things.

-Specific things.

-Specialist topics.

OK. Best of luck. The rules are very simple.

To win the money, all you have to do is find a pointless answer.

Do that and you will leave here with £19,250.

First you have to choose a category. Here are your five options. They are...

Well, that's none of the ones that we said.

Didn't you say all those things? Sorry.

I think we're really struggling with this one.

-I can't think of anything that stands out.

-No.

None of them.

I would rule out immediately Irish Dramatists.

Yeah, I think Irish Dramatists is out.

-So is World Politics.

-That can go too. Ice Hockey, I don't think we've ever watched.

-You've watched one game?

-I've maybe seen one game in my life.

-And if it's about that game...

-Yeah.

Which is unlikely. So it's Authors or Classical Music really, isn't it?

I think Authors. I think that's the only one I'm going to have a stab at.

-I'm probably slightly better on Classical Music.

-OK.

-But I'm not good on either, so...

-What do you reckon?

-Do you?

-I think we're more likely to be able to get something lower on authors.

-I don't think we know enough Classical Music to have a pointless answer. Do you?

-OK.

-Yeah. OK.

-OK.

We'll continue muddling our way through and hope for the best with Authors.

Very best of luck. OK. Let's find out what the question is. Here it comes.

We gave 100 people 100 seconds to name as many

novels by Jo Nesbo, Stieg Larsson and Henning Mankell as they could.

-Richard.

-Yeah. Three wonderful Scandinavian crime writers.

We're looking for the name of any novel published by any of those three up to October 2012, please.

Just looking for the novels translated into English.

We're looking for the English names of those novels, please.

So any novel written by Stieg Larsson, Henning Mankell or Jo Nesbo.

Very, very best of luck.

Thanks very much indeed, Richard. OK. You now have up to one minute to come up with three answers,

and all you need to win that £19,250

is for just one of those answers to be pointless.

-Are you ready?

-BOTH: Yeah.

OK. Let's put 60 seconds on the clock.

There they are. Your time starts now.

-Well, I've not heard of them.

-Nor me.

And I don't know any of their books, so I think we'll just have to make up some book names.

-OK.

-So... Shall we go...

-No idea.

-If they're crime writers, it's going to be about death and mystery...

-Sure.

-..and things, isn't it, so Murder Somewhere, or some murder...

-..most foul?

-BOTH LAUGH

How about, we can go with, like,

-Murder One?

-Sounds good.

Erm, help me out.

They're from Scandinavia, so...

-Forests.

-Forests and snow.

OK. Yeah. Forests And Snow.

And, erm...

Wilderness Something. Maybe Wilderness. Just Wilderness.

Wilderness. That sounds good.

I can't remember what we just said we had.

-Murder One.

-So, Murder One, and...

Ten seconds left.

-Wilderness.

-OK.

-Yup.

-We've made up our minds.

OK. You have come up with three book titles.

There we are. Your time is now up.

What are those three book titles?

-Wilderness.

-Wilderness.

-Forests And Snow?

-Forests And Snow.

-And Murder One.

-And Murder One.

-Of those three...

-ALL LAUGH

..which do you think is your best... I'll tell you which one I'd go for.

Forests And Snow, don't you think?

Now, which one would you like to put last

as your least likely to be wrong?

-Let's say Wilderness.

-Wilderness.

-Wilderness. We'll put that one last. OK.

-Yes. And which shall we put first?

-Shall we do Forests And Snow?

-Forests And Snow.

OK. And Murder One in the middle. There we go.

OK. Let's pop those up on the board in that order. And here they come.

We have got Forests And Snow,

Murder One and Wilderness.

OK, we're looking for any novel by Jo Nesbo, Stieg Larsson or Henning Mankell.

Forests And Snow, you said, was your least likely to be pointless.

-Yeah.

-Your least-confident answer.

So, Forests And Snow. Is it right? How many people said it...

..if it is?

No. Forests And Snow, unsurprisingly not a pointless answer.

Now, let's hope nobody said your next answer, Murder One.

Let's see if it's right, first.

And if it is, let's see if it's pointless.

Ooh, bad luck. Murder One.

So everything is now resting on your third and final answer, Wilderness.

Now, we just have to see if this is right.

We're looking for any novel, remember, by Jo Nesbo, Stieg Larsson or Henning Mankell.

Your third and final answer, Wilderness, was your most confident.

-You thought it sounded most like a novel, I guess.

-BOTH: Yeah.

-Which is good enough.

-They'll probably write it next.

-They're probably writing it now.

-Yeah.

By the time this goes to air, it'll be on the shelves.

So, to win that jackpot of £19,250, this has to be pointless.

Let's see if it's right and, if it is, let's see how many people said Wilderness.

Ooh, bad luck!

Bad luck.

APPLAUSE

Unfortunately, you didn't manage to find any correct answers,

let alone any pointless answers.

So I'm afraid that means you don't win today's jackpot of £19,250,

which rolls over onto the next show to be our joint highest-ever jackpot total.

You have been fantastic contestants,

and you do, of course, get to take home our Pointless trophy. So very, very well done, Karen and Paul.

APPLAUSE

Sorry, Karen and Paul. They're three of the biggest-selling authors in the world last year,

but if you haven't read them, you haven't read them. Stieg Larsson's books scored most.

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets' Nest, all those.

Jo Nesbo, every single one of his crime novels scored points.

So if you said any of them - The Snowman, The Leopard, any of those - they all scored points.

Let's look at the pointless answers here.

Almost all Henning Mankell, apart from a couple.

A Bridge To The Stars and Daniel, both Mankell.

Jo Nesbo, before he wrote those genuinely horrific books,

wrote a series of children's books,

one of which was Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder.

ALL LAUGH

That's a loose translation.

And of course the follow-up, Doctor Proctor's...

ALL LAUGH

Doctor Proctor's Fart Powder: Bubble In The Bathtub.

Also pointless, Italian Shoes and Kennedy's Brain, both Henning Mankell.

As are these three. The Cat Who Liked Rain,

The Eye Of The Leopard, and The Journey To The End Of The World.

-Very well done if you got any of those at home.

-There we are.

Thanks very much. We do have to say goodbye to you, Karen and Paul,

but it's been great having you on the show. Thank you both for playing. Karen and Paul.

APPLAUSE

Who, sadly, didn't win our jackpot today, so it rolls over onto the next show,

when we will be playing for £20,250.

AUDIENCE: Woo!

It's our joint-highest Pointless jackpot ever. Join us next time to see if someone can win it.

-Meanwhile, it's goodbye from Richard.

-Goodbye.

-And it's goodbye from me. Goodbye.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd