Episode 5 Richard Osman's House of Games

APPLAUSE

Hello, everybody. I'm Richard Osman. Welcome to the House Of Games.

Now, all week, I've been quizzing these four famous faces

and today, we're going to find out our weekly champion

who will be walking away with this trophy.

So, let's meet our players for one final time this week.

We have Mr Nish Kumar, Anneka Rice, Clara Amfo and Al Murray.

APPLAUSE

-Excited, everybody? ANNEKA:

-Yes.

Still anyone's game. It's double points Friday,

that means your leaderboard points at the end of today's show

will be doubled and will be added to the weekly leaderboard.

Any of you, I think I said last time apart from Anneka,

could still win this.

-You could win today.

-My problem is I need a bit of jeopardy.

Can I decorate the studio or something while it's going on?

I just need to be doing something!

So you're dismantling it and building it again?

-Yeah, just...

-Against the clock.

..give me a time limit, I'll be on this, I'll be all over it.

-While a helicopter follows you from above.

-Yes!

Shall we take a look at how our weekly leaderboard stands

after four shows?

Anneka with five points,

Clara with seven,

Al with 13, Nish - 15 points.

So there we have it. Nish, you've won the last three shows.

-Yep.

-How is that making you feel?

-You must be coming here with some confidence.

-Really uneasy.

I'm not a frontrunner. Last place is where I'm comfortable.

-I would fear Al Murray.

-Yeah, I fear Al Murray.

You look at him at the end there, he's just got that poise.

I'm an underdog.

Tell you who's an underdog - Anneka, that's an underdog.

I'm very happy though.

I'm with you, I kind of like nestling in the long grass.

-Clara...

-Richard.

Now, we've seen you nearly win a couple of episodes.

You've yet to win an episode. Today, it's your last opportunity.

-I'm just going to say...

-Yes.

-..Amsterdambidextrous.

-Which was brilliant.

-Oof!

-And Kurt Cobaintree...

-Yeah.

Right, yesterday, you gave the answer Kurt Cobaintree.

-Yes, I did.

-Which was a picture of Kurt Cobain

and where is the Grand National run?

I would say you said it maybe 14 or 15 seconds after you buzzed in,

and so it was disallowed and then Al Murray stole it from you.

Don't buzz in before you know the answer, that's the key.

-All right, I've learned my lesson. I've eaten my humble pie.

-Al...

-Yeah.

-You won on Monday.

-Yeah.

-You were the big favourite.

Weirdly, you still seem the favourite despite the fact

that Nish has won the last three games.

I don't know why you're putting me through this.

He's cracked the code for the last round

which is where you can win and lose points.

He's a boiling hot pot of ambition, look at him.

NISH LAUGHS He really is.

He pretends he's not, but he is.

Don't forget, there's also daily prizes.

Al, on Monday, you walked away with a House Of Games dressing down.

Nish, you got three daily prizes.

You have won House Of Games driving gloves, you won a House Of Games...

-Set of binoculars.

-Set of binoculars.

And even better, yesterday, you won House Of Games teasmade.

-Teasmade!

-Shall we take a look at today's daily prizes?

-ANNEKA GASPS

-Whoa!

-Oh, wow!

There's a punchbag. There is a calculator.

-Wow.

-Most importantly, there's a onesie there.

There is a House Of Games jigsaw and House Of Games slippers.

Can I say it's been an absolute pleasure

having you all here all week.

It's been very competitive, but a load of fun.

One of you is going to be our champion.

Very, very best of luck to all of you.

-Shall we play our first game?

-Yeah.

-OK, let's do it.

OK, here we go. You will see a sentence, each of you, one by one.

Part of that sentence is in capital letters

and those capital letters are an anagram of the answer.

Again, if you've been watching this show,

some of these rounds sound like they're very complicated.

Then you watch them, they're not. This is one of those.

-Nish, we'll start with you.

-OK.

Historical Figures is the category.

Here's Nish's question.

-ANNEKA LAUGHS

-Very good.

I'm going to say Napoleon.

Napoleon, is that right?

It is indeed. Very well played.

-Do you see the simplicity of it?

-Yeah.

-Very good.

Anneka, here's yours.

Could that be Tutankhamen by any chance?

Could it be Tutankhamen?

It could indeed, Anneka, very well played. Tutankhamen.

Clara, here is yours on Historical Figures.

I'm going to say...

Catherine Parr.

-Anagram of "rather a prince."

-Yes.

-Is that right?

It is indeed, very well played, Clara.

-Phew!

-Very nice.

Al Murray, you are last on Historical Figures.

George Washington.

Is the correct answer, very well done.

So, all factually accurate and all anagrams, it's very impressive.

And you got them all right, which was very good.

Let's see what the next category is.

Nish, here's your next question.

-That's Seattle.

-Let's take a look.

Absolutely right, Seattle. Well played.

Anneka, here's yours.

-My mind's gone...

-OK, Anneka is timed out so...

BUZZER

-Clara.

-I'm going to say Kansas City.

-Oh!

-Oh, it is Kansas City. Well played. AL:

-Nicely done.

That was hard to work out, wasn't it?

-Yeah.

-It was a tough one. Clara's up for it today, isn't she?

-Mate...

-Last chance to win and she wants it.

Here we go, Clara, here's yours.

Indianapolis?

Is it Indianapolis?

It is indeed. Well played, Clara.

Al Murray, you are last in this round. What's this US city?

-Los Angeles.

-Is that right?

It is Los Angeles. Congratulations to all of you.

Let's have a look at our scores at the end of that round.

Anneka on one point. Al Murray and Nish Kumar have two.

Our current leader, Clara Amfo with three.

-Let's have it, come on!

-Wow.

You can do this, Clara.

I'm just happy that for once in this whole week, I'm beating these two.

-Shall we play another round?

-Yeah.

-OK, what's up next?

Let's find out.

-Oh!

-No!

By the groans of our contestants,

you can tell we have played this one before.

THEY LAUGH

And they have let themselves down on each occasion that we have.

I'm looking at you, Nish Kumar.

Is it when I said that the average British Christmas cost £10,000?

It is indeed! It is indeed. You know how this works.

You're going to be playing in pairs.

The person in last place always chooses who they pair up with.

Anneka, as the player in last place, you get to choose.

-Who are you going to have as your final partner?

-Oh, staying put.

-I'm very happy.

-Oh, staying put with Nish. That's very nice.

Lovely, so we have Nish and Anneka, and we have Clara and Al.

OK, here's how Distinctly Average works.

If you get your tablets out, everybody, I'm going

to ask you a series of questions. You each write down your answers

and we will take the average answer from each pair

and the pair who is closest to the real answer gets the points.

Let's take a look at your first question.

-Oh!

-Oh, man!

-What?!

-ANNEKA:

-It means nothing to me.

Round the equator.

-I don't know where to start.

-Absolute chaos.

Look at Al Murray. He's so confident.

Well, I think I know.

GROANING

No-one likes people who know things, mate!

But I might be wrong.

-Has everyone written something down? ALL:

-Yes.

-OK, here we go.

Nish, what is the circumference of the Earth in miles in your opinion?

-50,000 miles.

-50,000 miles.

-No!

Anneka saying "No!" doesn't bode too well for your average.

-No, no, no, but it's weird.

-Oh, what's Anneka said?

-Well, it's just not that far off.

-Oh, wow!

-43,000 miles.

But I could have said 100,000 or 2,000.

But that's good, that way neither of us has ruined it for the other.

So, your average is...

-That's weird.

-Clara, what...?

Oh, I don't like the look on your face, Clara.

-What have you said?

-I said 30,000 miles.

-Oh, that's interesting.

-30,000 miles. OK.

Al Murray, who thinks he knows.

I think it's 18,000 miles.

18,000 miles.

So your average is...

So, 46,500 miles to 24,000 miles.

OK, what do you think at home?

Especially if you're playing with two of you as well,

see where your average is. What is the actual answer?

What is the circumference of the Earth in miles?

-Ooh!

-AL:

-I was wrong.

-But! But...

-That's amazing.

You and Clara together are like a genius.

-Amazing.

-That was amazing.

-I'll have that.

The point there goes to Clara and Al.

-Woohoo!

-That was amazing, they were all within, you know...

Here is your second one.

-CLARA:

-Oh, gosh.

-Right.

-Everyone got one?

Trying to think what I would say.

I'd say somewhere around 1,000 I think.

But that could be so wrong, I literally don't have a clue.

Let's see what Nish has said.

Well, if you're saying 1,000, I'm saying 2,500.

-2,500.

-Yeah.

-Anneka.

-946.

-That's around about 1,000.

-I know! Richard, you and I are just like...

I know, like that!

Let's take a look at your average, Anneka and Nish.

-That sounds good, I like that.

-Happy with that?

I think I've been on most of those.

Clara, I love that look on your face.

Well, I guess me and Nish were like that, because I said 2,500.

-Oh, wow!

-2,500 as well?

-Al Murray, what have you gone for?

-Well, I went low.

-400?

-I just don't think it's as many as you might think it is, but I'm...

-I don't know.

-It's really...

-It's really difficult.

-..genuinely tricky.

-It feels like you should know.

-Yeah.

Let's take a look at what your average is, Clara and Al.

-ANNEKA:

-It's close!

It's going to be close.

Let's take a look. How many mainline train stations are there in Britain?

Oh!

-Wow!

-ANNEKA:

-Well done, you guys!

Points for Anneka and Nish, well done.

-Well done, Nish. That was brilliant.

-AL:

-Nish, you were right.

So was Clara, it's just your ridiculous guess

-made you lose the point.

-I know.

-Amazing.

-Terrific answers from Clara and Nish there.

-Here's your last question.

-Sorry, Clara.

-It's all right, mate.

-What is this going to be?

-No, it's not.

-Oh, here we go!

-Oh, God.

-Now...

-Nish's life's been made!

..if you were watching earlier in the week,

we discovered that Nish thought that chickens produce milk.

-An entirely regrettable mistake.

-Turns out they didn't.

-Yeah, it turns out.

-Confirmed that they don't.

-Yeah.

-Hmm...

-This is a tricky one.

This is the worst one!

Yeah, but listen, the worst that can happen is the lead

that you've been holding all week gets taken away from you

by Clara or Al and you lose the trophy at the last moment.

That is literally the worst thing that can happen here, Nish.

Everybody have an answer?

-VAGUE MUMBLES Excellent.

-Yes.

So, how many chicken wings were eaten

during the Super Bowl 51 weekend by Americans?

Nish, what have you gone for?

-One million.

-What?!

-Nish says a million.

-A million wings.

-Al Murray doesn't like that.

We will see why in a minute. Anneka, are you going up or down from that?

Oh... I wrote 51 million and then...

But I also went 510 million at one point

and then just dropped a few hundred.

So you want 51 million?

So your average, Anneka and Nish...

Clara.

I went...

162 million.

-Ooh!

-162 million.

-Interesting.

You've gone fully 161 million above Nish's answer.

Al Murray, where have you gone?

-150 million chicken wings.

-150 million.

Very, very in tune with Clara.

-Yeah.

-How are you feeling about a million now?

I'm feeling like chicken has come back to bite me

-in the rear end, Richard.

-Well, let's find out.

We have an average for Clara and Al.

So, a disparity here of just 130 million.

-That's all that stands between the two of you.

-This is killing me.

How many chicken wings were consumed during that weekend?

Who's getting the point?

That is 1.33 billion.

-Wow!

-NISH LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY

So...

You are almost a billion out over there, but you get the point.

-Nish...

-Yeah.

-You are almost exactly 1.33 billion out from that answer.

Listen, when you're wrong,

sometimes you have to hold your hands up and say...

Yeah, your 510 million would have won you the points, Anneka.

-Would have got there.

-It absolutely would.

That's a really bad answer. LAUGHTER

A million?!

The point there goes to Clara and Al. Very well played.

Let's take a look at the scores at the end of that round.

-Amazing.

-Goodness me!

-Here we go. Anneka, you have two points.

Nish, three. Al Murray, four.

Our leader still, Clara Amfo on five.

-Yay, Clara!

-Ooh.

-Thank the Americans.

-WHISPERS: Come on.

-Shall we forget that ever happened, Nish?

-Yes.

And get on with our next round?

Let's see where we're going next.

We did this on Monday and Clara was rather good at it.

In this round, we have a broken karaoke machine.

What we're going to do is show you part of a well-known song,

but only the first letter of each word.

Can you tell us what the songs are?

Here we go, your first song is from...

What is this song?

It goes in the rhythm of the song as well.

BUZZER Nish Kumar.

Just before Clara as well.

It's (Everything I Do) I Do It For You by Bryan Adams.

-Is it indeed?

-Oh!

-Let's take a listen.

-Yeah.

# Don't tell me it's not worth trying for

# You can't tell me... #

And I think that's probably... I think we can...

Well, that was really good. Here's your next one.

A song now from...

What is this song?

BUZZER Clara.

It is I Should Be So Lucky by Kylie Minogue.

-AL:

-Amazing!

-If that is what that is, that is awesome.

-It's obviously that.

-Let's take a listen, shall we?

# I should be so lucky

# Lucky, lucky, lucky

# I should be so lucky... #

That is very... Clara Amfo, everybody!

-NISH:

-That is great.

-Kylie Minogue, to be honest.

-I think... You know what... AL:

-Clara, that is amazing.

That's very impressive.

Kylie Minogue, I Should Be So Lucky.

Here's your next one. This is a song from...

What is this song?

BUZZER Clara.

D.I.S.C.O by Ottawan.

Is it D.I.S.C.O by Ottawan?

Let's listen.

-# She is DISCO

-D-I-S-C-O... #

Very good!

-# She is DISCO

-D-I-S-C-O

-# She is DISCO!

-D-I-S-C-O... #

-Very, very well played, Clara.

-Amazing.

-Just trying to line up that Radio 2 job.

-This is a masterclass.

I don't know if you can see the body language,

but Al is just sitting there. Clara is literally side on with me!

As soon as this round came up, she moved into attack position.

Yeah, "This is my time!"

I literally have not been able to see Al Murray

the whole way through this round.

It's fine, I have nothing to contribute.

Here we go, here's your last question. This is a song from...

BUZZER Anneka Rice.

Sorry! I was thinking of Jean Genie because of J.

Sorry, you're locked out. Any...?

BUZZER Oh, I think... Nish?

Jolene by Dolly Parton.

Oh! Very good.

Let's take a listen.

# Jolene, Jolene, Jolene, Jolene

# I'm begging of you, please don't take... #

-Very well played, Nish Kumar.

-Very good.

Let's see what the scores are at the end of that round.

I think quite a good round for Clara Amfo there.

-AL:

-You reckon?

-LAUGHTER

Oh, Al, are you still with us?

Two points for Anneka.

Four points for Al.

Five points for Nish.

Clara in the lead with seven points.

Seven, well done!

Thank you, disco.

You're on double points Friday as well, Clara.

This is the best one of all to win if you do.

It's tense. It's really tense.

Let's play round four, shall we? What's it going to be?

..is our next round.

Now, you all helped us out with this one before the show.

What I'm going to do is ask each of you a question

that has multiple choice answers,

however, I haven't been bothered to write the answers.

So, what I'm going to do, I'm going to show you the right answer

and three incorrect answers written by your opponents before the show.

Clara, I'm going to ask you the first question.

A point if you get it right,

but a point to anybody who manages to fool you.

Let's have a look at your question.

Is it...?

So, three of those were written by your opponents.

One is the correct answer.

I don't think the answer's Willy.

NISH AND AL LAUGH

Would the Natural History Museum really call

a blue whale skeleton Blue Belle?

I feel like they'd want to go for something really universal

and righteous-sounding like Liberty or Hope.

I'm hoping it's Hope.

So, Clara says Hope.

Is that the correct answer?

That is the correct answer, very well played, Clara.

Very nice.

Shall we take a look at who wrote the others?

Blue Belle was Al.

Liberty - oh, that's nice, Anneka.

There's a shock, Nish.

-All right.

-You wrote Willy

in an attempt to distract Clara and it didn't work.

Very well played, Clara.

The next question is to Al Murray.

Here is your question.

OK, I'm going to give you four options.

One is correct, the other three have been made up by your opponents.

Is it...?

I can't believe she's got any of those tattooed on her wrist,

but she has got one of them tattooed on her wrist.

Three of them have been made up by your opponents to try and fool you.

It could be "carpe diem"

and what we've got is two trying to echo "carpe diem"

with "In vino veritas" and "Veni, vidi, vici."

And I think, but I'm sure I'm wrong, it's "carpe diem."

Are you right?

-You are right, very well played.

-Wow!

Who wrote - "all the world's a stage"?

That was Nish.

Nish, that's clever. You nearly had him there.

"In vino veritas" - Anneka,

"Veni vidi vici" - Clara.

Those are good wrong answers.

Well played, all of you. Next up it is Nish. Here's your question.

So, I'm going to try and work it alongside some Murray-esque logic.

-Oh, dear.

-Uh, oh.

Immaterial, irrelevant and spontaneous,

it feels like the answer is one of those.

I'm going to go Mr Irrelevant.

Let's see. Is Mr Irrelevant the right answer?

It is the right answer. Goodness me.

Let's see who came up with

the others. Al - Mr Flatfoot.

Mr Immaterial - Anneka.

Mr Spontaneous - Clara.

Everyone is doing very well on this round.

Anneka, here is your question.

LAUGHTER I'm looking at you, Nish Kumar.

Why? What have I done?

So, lobster, oyster, bogey...

LAUGHTER

..or mussels? Are there any you want to get rid of immediately, Anneka?

The words "bogey" and "polite" don't sit happily in the same sentence.

If the right one was mussels,

the person would have written oysters or lobsters.

I'm going to go for an oyster.

Are you right for a clean sweep in this round for everybody?

-You are right.

-Wow!

Goodness me. Well played. Nobody fooled anybody.

Let's take a look at who wrote the others, Nish.

Yes, who did write the other ones?

I would have gone for lobster there,

Clara, I thought that was a very,

-very good answer.

-Nish!

Nish Kumar, you surprise me.

Willy, bogey...

Willy in one round, bogey the next.

It's something for the kids doing their homework.

Al wrote mussels.

But oyster, well played, Anneka.

Everybody got a point in that round. Good work.

Take a look at the score before we go onto our final round.

Here is where we stand.

3 points to Anneka, 5 points to Al Murray.

6 points to Nish Kumar. 8 points to Clara Amfo.

Now, don't forget, there is the daily show to worry about.

We know that.

Who's going to win that? Clara, it would be your first win of the week.

But also we have that overall score to look at.

One of you is going to win this trophy after a week's

worth of quizzing.

At the end of this round, we will know our weekly champion.

-Shall we play our final round of the week?

-Yes.

-Let's do it.

As always, the final round is...

..Answer Smash.

Everything here has two answers and they go into each other.

You know how this works already.

-You just need to smash those two answers.

-Go for it, Nish.

Very best of luck.

Anybody could still be our weekly champion of House Of Games.

One point if you get a correct answer.

You lose a point if you get an incorrect answer, which you

-did three times yesterday, Clara.

-I remember that.

And if you buzz in, I need an answer straight away.

-OK.

-Here we go.

Here's your first category.

So we'll show you a picture of a Chancellor of the Exchequer and a clue underneath.

You need to smash the two answers together, please.

Best of luck, everybody. Here we go.

Al Murray?

Gordon Brown Girl In The Ring.

Is that right?

It is indeed. Gordon Brown Girl In The Ring.

Well played, Al.

Here's your next one.

Nish?

Norman Lamonty Python.

I'll give you that.

Norman Lamonty Python's Flying Circus is exactly right.

Here is your next one. What's the answer smash here?

Nish Kumar?

Nigel Lawsonic The Hedgehog.

Is the right answer, Nish Kumar. Well done.

Every day he is good at this round.

-This is where he has won the show.

-It really is.

Are you going to snatch the show and snatch the week here?

Here's your next category.

What are the answer smashes here? Can anyone stop Nish?

Anneka Rice?

Dragonflyweight.

Is it Dragonflyweight?

Oh, that is amazing.

Absolutely. Very well played.

Here is your next one.

That is Al Murray.

-Oh, bug...

-I'm so sorry, Al. Too late.

Clara Amfo?

Bugsy Malone.

Not the right answer I'm afraid. Anybody else?

-Bedbugsy Malone.

-It's Bedbugsy!

Let's find out. Is it Bedbugsy Malone?

It is Bedbugsy Malone.

-That's very unlucky. You both lost a point there.

-We did.

Here we go. Come on. Still questions to go, Clara.

What is the answer smash here?

What is that?

Al Murray?

Earwigan.

Is it Earwigan?

Absolutely right. Earwigan Athletic. Very well played.

The fightback continues. This is neck and neck.

Here is your next category.

Those are going to be the pictures. There are clues underneath them.

Smash the answers together, please.

Mark Wright Said Fred.

Mark Wright Said Fred says Clara Amfo.

And she is absolutely right. Well done.

And we have the end of the show. Who won Friday's show?

Let's find out our daily winner, shall we?

Clara, you have not won one so far this week.

Have you pulled it off at the last minute?

Nish had a good last round.

We have a tie on this Friday.

Our first tie of the week between Clara and Nish.

One further Answer Smash question.

Fingers on buzzers. One more question.

We are on Reality TV Stars. Buzz in and get it wrong, you lose a point.

Oh, lordy.

Buzz in and get it right, you are today's winner. Let's take a look.

Clara?

Leona Saint Louis.

It's not I'm afraid. That means we hand the win to Nish Kumar.

Let's take a look at what the answer was.

Leona Lewisconsin.

Nish, you are today's winner.

Clara, I'm so sorry. Once again you've done it.

Gutted for you!

Nish, pick a prize from today's prize board. There is a jigsaw.

There is a jigsaw. I think, though, I am going to go with the onesie.

That's lovely. Nish Kumar takes home the onesie. Well done.

He's taking home the onesie

but who is taking home this House Of Games trophy?

Who is our winner?

You've been here all week, all four of you.

You've been brilliant fun, incredibly competitive.

Shall we take a look at the final leaderboard?

It's been double points Friday as well. Don't forget.

Here is our House Of Games champion for the week.

Of course, it is Nish Kumar.

Very well played.

Nish, congratulations.

-What a way to win it as well!

-What a way to win it.

Four shows out of five as well. Terrific stuff.

Thank you all so much for joining me this week on the House Of Games

and thank you all so much

for joining me on the House Of Games too.

We'll see you soon.

NISH LAUGHS

Oh, yeah.

Nish, sir, well done. How about that? Congratulations.