Episode 2 Snog Marry Avoid?

I love it.

# I'm gonna feel that feeling Gonna lose control tonight... #

Here on Snog, Marry, Avoid, we are head over heels about natural beauty, so be warned, fake fans.

We will not tolerate any cheating.

The slap is coming off and you can stick those extensions in the bin

because it's time to witness the miracle of make-under. And today, we're off to sunny Spain.

Hello, Pod. How are you today? Ready to take on some fakery?

I am always ready, Jenny Frost.

Good job too since you took your make-under mission global.

I was prepared to go to the four corners of the globe,

but you need only go as far as Magaluf to find where tan-tastic slap addicts go on holiday.

-It's a good job I was there to send them right back to you.

-Yes, and the holiday is well and truly over!

Pod, be gentle.

-Coming up tonight, things get a little bit nippy.

-I don't wear bras.

Pod receives a souvenir from Spain.

-What goes on in Magaluf stays in Magaluf.

-And takes in a magic show.

I think I'm a piece of art. Yeah!

Tonight, two feisty females and a magical manga girl experience make-under treatment.

Frost, who have you got for me?

Well, Pod, first up is a girl who appears to have an allergy to clothes!

Well, she's about to get some natural beauty treatment.

Hi, I'm Petagay. I'm 22 years old, I'm a law student.

My style is unique, extravagant and naked.

I literally love being naked.

It's like a little maid's outfit. It shows your bum.

You can't be skinny to wear this. You have to have curves.

This outfit is just nipple tassels and knickers. I don't wear bras.

I've been looking for Petagay's nipple tassels to burn them.

They're profoundly, utterly, immensely disgusting.

I love my bum. I really, really work hard on it.

I come to the gym to tone my bum,

especially when I wear nothing but knickers.

Hard work. We are going to the sauna.

If you want to go out wearing next to nothing, just go to the sauna.

You will stay heated for the whole night.

I can't go on a night out without it.

I put on loads of make-up - eye shadow, foundation,

lip gloss, blusher.

On a night out, I'll wear these. Time to put on my clothes.

Honestly, a bit of flesh has to be shown on a night out.

Hello! Ready for the night out!

Loads of booty shaking, loads of X-rated girls.

She's beautiful, educated, classy, so why all this naked thing?

She doesn't need it.

Why do you have to look naked? Why?

People will never forget me. I'm unforgettable.

-Hello, Petagay.

-Hello, Jenny.

We need to talk about these outfits which we can only describe as X-rated.

They're not X-rated, Jenny. They're just Petagay.

-Is this what you'd wear for a night out, underneath this coat?

-Yes, but not the coat.

-Let me see.

-There you are.

-So you'd go out clubbing in that?

-Yeah.

-And there's no back in it? That's just boob?

-Yeah.

-Your mum doesn't like your look.

-No, no, no.

If I left the house dressed like that, I'd get a clip on the back of the head off my mum.

So, Petagay, how are you feeling about meeting Pod?

Pretty confident, really.

-Petagay, I'm going to wish you good luck. I'll see you on the other side a bit more dressed.

-Hopefully.

I am Pod, the Personal Overhaul Device.

-What kind of name is that?

-My name is like me, perfect in every way.

Pod, I think you need to get over yourself.

-And you, young lady, need to stop exposing yourself.

-Right, whatever you say.

-Petagay, why are you practically naked?

-Because I like it this way, Pod. Don't you?

No, I don't. You look ridiculous.

It's not ridiculous. It's quite sexy.

There is nothing sexy about a bit of BacoFoil teamed with a pair of pink knickers.

-It's not knickers. Look!

-I'd rather not! Petagay, is Pod confused or am I seeing a bit of boob?

-Yes, you are.

-Are you in danger of completely popping out?

-I don't know. Try me. There you go.

For Pod's sake, put it away!

-What do you think of natural beauty?

-It only goes for other people, not me.

-What do you look like without all the slap and fakery?

-Ugly...

Ugly... And ugly.

But this little girl is pretty, pretty and pretty.

-You're such an idiot.

-Careful, Petagay. You don't want to upset Pod.

-Yes, Pod.

-What does your mum think of your look?

-She doesn't like it.

-I can't imagine why(!)

Who wouldn't want a naked boob-barer for a daughter?

-Why have you come to Pod for a make-under?

-I want my family to be really proud of me,

to see a different side of me with a bit more clothes on.

-I think we'd all like to see that, Petagay!

-OK, Pod. OK.

Run phase one - public analysis.

I asked the public, "Would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?"

-Play.

-I think I'd avoid. She looks slightly mad.

I'd avoid her because of the dodgy nipple tassels.

I would have to avoid this one.

-Are you sure that you showed them a picture of me?

-Yes.

I showed people this picture where you appear to have lost your clothes and your mind!

-Whatever.

-I also asked Raef from The Apprentice.

-Would you like to know what he said?

-Oh, God! Yeah, here we go.

-Play.

-That is a woman who looks incredibly scary

and somebody I'd probably avoid at all costs.

-He looks scared!

-No, Petagay, he's terrified.

A massive 90% of the public agreed with Raef and would avoid you completely.

I don't know what sort of people you're asking. You need to go to Brixton.

-Do people there like bare-breasted exhibitionists?

-Obviously.

-Hmm. Are you ready for my verdict?

-Go ahead. If you have to.

Yes, I do. Petagay, you are a nipple-flashing, naked nightmare and you need...

-Well done, Pod.

-Here is your make-under menu.

Choose a new hairstyle - choppy bob with fringe, pixie crop,

classic updo, sleek, sweeping chop.

OK, pixie crop.

Choose a celebrity style - Vanessa Hudgens, Emma Watson, Rachel Bilson, Rihanna.

That's not hard. Rihanna.

Now the time has come for you to clean up your act, Petagay.

Let's stop this. You're just twisting me up. Thank you very much.

Run phase two - deep cleanse. Thank YOU very much!

-Put on your deep cleanse uniform.

-It's time for you to shut up.

It's time for YOU to give me those lashes!

Oh, my God!

Petagay... Petagay!

You can't hide from Pod!

-Pod!

-Now give me the other one.

Aaagh!

And you can wipe that ridiculous make-up off.

-How are you feeling?

-I feel naked.

Then you should feel right at home!

-Not funny, Pod.

-Are you excited to meet the new you?

-Yes, Pod.

-Are you sure?

-I am sure.

Run phase three - the make-under.

SHE SCREAMS AND LAUGHS

Oh, look at this!

Petagay... Petagay, come back!

Look at my hair!

-Pod, do you like it?

-No, Petagay, I don't.

No? That's so unfair!

Pod doesn't like it, Petagay. Pod loves it.

What?

-I love you, Poddy Woddy.

-Would you like to know what the public think of this new you?

-Yeah.

-Previously, a massive 90% of the people we asked wanted to avoid you.

-I know.

-Play.

-I'd snog her because she's got lovely skin, a nice figure and she's dressed really nice.

That's the type of girl I'd go for, definitely.

-I would snog her because that dress makes her look lady-like and blue suits her.

-I think so too.

Now 90% wanted to snog you and the rest wanted to marry you.

-That's the best thing I've heard all day.

-Wouldn't you like to hear that every day?

-Yeah.

Here's how I achieved your new natural look.

Use a lash-separating mascara to bring out long lashes without the need for false ones.

-A sexy cocktail dress keeps you covered up, but still shows off your killer curves.

-Yes, so it should.

-I never knew you could achieve this.

-Never doubt the power of Pod.

OK, you win this time.

-What do you think your mum will think?

-She will love this.

-She'd love if I could dress like this 365 days of the year.

-So would I.

-Will you be keeping your stunning new look?

-I think I might keep it.

-You can do better than that, Petagay.

-I think I could try.

-This make-under has been a complete success.

-You've succeeded with everything, Pod. I'm impressed.

-Pod is very impressed with you. Goodbye, Petagay.

-Goodbye, Pod. Ooh!

Oh, my God, Petagay, you look ravishing! Really wonderful. Oh, my God, you look so nice!

I was so astonished. I couldn't believe it was Petagay.

I'm so flabbergasted. Can you turn around?

Oh, my days!

She has transformed into a lady, a perfect lady.

-You have to maintain this look, Petagay.

-I definitely will.

-You look absolutely wonderful.

Petagay looked so cute and good on her for giving Pod as good as she got.

But will she keep the new natural look? Find out later.

Petagay's mum wanted to burn her nipple tassels. Ladies, she'd have a field day with you lot!

-I'm going for "real".

-She's got boobs though.

-I hate big, fake boobs. They're horrible.

-I love them.

-Real.

-Fake.

-Real.

-Fake, fake.

-Real.

You've got to look good, you've got to impress because the boys are out there and they're wanting you.

And she's got fake boobs.

Shave the legs, shave the armpits, shave the bits.

For a perfect fake tan, I use an old sock and rub it in circles.

Put cucumbers on your eyes before you go to bed to keep the wrinkles away.

You won't get any boys if you don't look nice.

Our Pod is used to being the one with all the power,

so what happened when she met someone with special powers all of her own?

I'll give you a clue. She was not a happy Pod.

-I am Pod.

-Hiya!

-Who are you?

-I'm Linda Cooper.

-Linda Cooper, are you a manga cartoon?

-I'm a cartoon human being.

-So is that why you have drawn all over your face?

-Yeah, of course.

-Why have you got two sets of eyes? Are you an alien?

-No, I'm not alien.

But you are from a completely different planet.

No, I'm from...Portsmouth.

-What do the people of Portsmouth make of Linda Cooper?

-They just think I look so fabulous,

amazing, fresh, new.

-Really?

-Yeah.

-Do they think you're super?

-Yeah.

-Are you super-duper Linda Cooper?

-Yes, I am.

Can you do any magic with that wand?

Not in here.

-Oh, go on.

-Let's try.

Whoa!

-Disappeared?

-Linda Cooper, Linda Cooper, bring me back at once!

It's not working any more.

Bring me back!

Well, really!

-Hello again.

-How dare you make Pod disappear!

Sorry.

-Did you make your natural beauty disappear too?

-Natural beauty? Like a baby?

Yes. Did you swap it at birth?

No, I'm just trying to be a rainbow.

-But rainbows are naturally beautiful.

-I think it's really natural.

-Linda Cooper, it's really fake.

-You'll soon change your mind.

It will make some dreams come true?

-It would make Pod's dream come true if you would have a make under.

-What's that?

-It is Pod's magic.

-I change the way you look.

-I prefer this look. It's yummy!

-It's yucky!

-You want fight with me?

No, Pod does not want to fight with a crazy cartoon lady who is waving a wand.

-Put the wand away, Linda.

-Let's try...

-What are you doing?

-Stop that at once!

-Bye-bye!

-No, wait! What are you doing?

Come back! What have you done to me, Linda Cooper?!

Remember the gorgeous Petagay? She liked being naked and Pod put some clothes on her.

-But has she kept her clothes on? Find out now. Hello, lovely!

-Hello.

-How are you today?

-I'm fine.

-More dressed, I like to see.

-Thanks.

-Is this the new Petagay?

-It could be.

When you revealed to your mum, she loved it. She was so cute.

Hello, Petagay's mum! How did she react when you got home? Try to make you keep this look?

I've kept it and she's encouraged me.

The question we all want to know - where are the nipple tassels? Has your mother burnt them?

-I haven't got any left.

-The whole look is toned down, but the lashes are still there.

They can't go anywhere. Can you live without water?

-Would you go for a night out dressed like the old Petagay?

-No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't risk it!

A very successful make under. More clothes, we can forgive a lash.

All in all, good job, Pod.

When Pod told me I should take a holiday, I might have known I wouldn't be by the pool.

Oh, no. I was on a mission to find fakery and send it packing to Pod,

as the lovely, if a bit orange, Jess was about to find out.

Hola! My name's Jessica! I'm 19. I work at the Citizens Advice Bureau.

I'm from Bolton.

When I'm on holiday, the first priority is the tan,

the drinking and going out, the boys. WOLF WHISTLE

I think that Jessica on holiday would be very loud,

very flamboyant, very attention-seeking.

-Shimmy!

-I dread to think what happens.

What goes on in Magaluf, stays in Magaluf.

I hate getting white marks. I'd take my knockers off.

I would never wear factor. I don't care if I burn, as long as I look really brown.

It takes Jessica forever to get ready. Absolute disgrace.

I love instant tan! Makes me look really brown.

Brown...brown...I look brown.

The darker, the better. Look at my hands!

She does wear too much makeup. She looks much better au naturel.

I love hot pants, short top, short dresses, tight, love it all.

A bit of a cheeky bum.

-Put it away, Jessica!

-If you don't like it, don't look.

-Party on!

-Whoo!

I love to dance, drink, dance, drink.

Heads definitely turn when she walks past. Everyone gawps.

She could realise how pretty she is without all that fake bake.

Tonight I feel glamorous! I feel so good!

I'm brilliant!

It's a tough job, here on the beach with the gorgeous Jess in Magaluf.

-Are you having fun, love?

-Really good fun, soaking up the sun.

This is an issue with me. I'm tanorexic

-and you are beyond bronze. Is this all natural?

-No. I wear instant tan.

-Why put false tan on?

-Cos you have to be darker.

-Than what? Mahogany?

-Are you shaking in your boots to meet Pod?

-I am and I'm not.

-You'll defend your tan in there.

-I'll defend my baby. That's its name.

-Your baby?

-Yes, my baby.

-It was lovely meeting you here on your hols, but I'll see you back at home.

Enjoy Frost Airways.

I am Pod, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-Jessica.

-Jessica Leatherland?

-I don't look leathery!

-I think I look nice.

-You're probably still drunk.

-What do you mean by that?

-Only a drunk person thinks it's nice to look like a hairy satsuma.

Oh! That is so rude!

-Talking of rude, Jessica, what have you been up to on your holiday?

-Sunbathing, drinking,

-partying...

-Hmm. Have you done much sightseeing?

I've seen clubs and stuff.

-Pod has also seen some sights. Want to see my holiday snaps?

-Yeah.

-That picture's disgusting!

-At last we agree on something.

-Pod, that's cheeky.

-I think you'll find this is cheeky.

-Oh, my God!

-Is that tan natural, Jessica?

No. Instant tan, it's the future. You should try it.

-Natural beauty is the future. YOU should try it.

-Natural - boring.

Fake - revolting. What do your family think?

My sister just recently started wearing makeup. She's trying to get me to teach her how to wear it.

-Are you really sure you want your sister to follow you?

-Yeah.

This is what she will look like if she takes advice from you.

-Oh, right.

-Is that really what you want, Jessica?

-No.

You got here just in time. Why have you come for a make under?

Because I think it would be... really nice to see what I actually did look like au naturel.

I don't think I'd look nice.

-Rubbish. Pod knows there is a gorgeous natural beauty somewhere underneath that tan.

-Oh, thank you!

-It is now time to find out what the public think of your like.

-OK.

I asked the public:

-What do you think they said?

-Snog.

-Play.

-'I would avoid her. She looks a bit orange.

'I think I'd snog her. I KNOW I'd snog her.

'Way too much makeup.'

-65% did want to snog you.

-Oh!

-But 35% wanted to avoid you completely.

-Oh, that's nasty!

I also asked:

These questions are too rude, Pod.

-What do you think they said?

-Straight As!

-Play.

'Straight to the bottom set. Looks like she spent most of her time making herself look orange.

-'Back of the bike sheds!

-Definitely back of the bike sheds.'

-How rude!

-I also asked the same question to Big Brother winner Brian Belo.

-I love Brian!

-Play.

'Straight round the back of the bike sheds! Go, her!'

I like Brian(!)

-The majority agreed and thought you'd go to the back of the bike sheds.

-What's that all about?

-Perhaps your look gives the wrong impression.

-By the sounds of it!

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-Ready.

Jessica, you are an overbaked, underdressed beach bunny and you need my natural beauty package.

Here is your make under menu. Choose a new holiday hair style.

Funky bob, classic up do, long and flicked, short chop?

Long and flicked.

Choose a new celebrity holiday style. Alexa Chung, Rachel Bilson, Kirsten Dunst or Rihanna?

Kirsten Dunst.

-Before I can process your choices, I need to wipe you clean of all that slap and tan.

-Oh, no!

-Oh, yes, Jessica. Run, phase two: Deep Cleanse.

-No!

-Put on your Deep Cleanse uniform.

-Am I making Pod happy now?

-Yes.

-Now get wiping.

-I bet you're loving this.

-Correct.

Now show me that wipe.

-How does it feel to get all that slap off your face?

-Minging.

You look much better already. Are you ready for a whole new look?

-I am.

-Run, phase three: The Make Under.

Oh, my God!

-I love it. Oh, I love it.

-You look like a beautiful natural beach babe.

I look dead, like, innocent. Like butter wouldn't melt.

-Shall we see if the public agree?

-Yeah, that would be brill.

-Play.

'I would snog her. She looks quite cool. A respectable girl.

'I'd snog her. Nicely dressed.

'She looks very decent. I'd ask her out.'

Oh, that's so nice! Thank you, people.

Now a massive 80% want to snog you.

-Oh, really?

-Yes. And the rest want to marry you.

-Oh, really?

-Yes.

I feel like I could just fly.

Before you take off, here's how I achieved your new natural look.

Pair a pretty sun dress with gladiator sandals for a casual look

A simple layered cut adds body and shape to fine hair and is a low-maintenance style for you.

-What do you think of your new do?

-It's perfect, Pod.

-I feel like that woman. "Because you're worth it!"

-What do you think of natural beauty now?

I look nicer like this. I never thought I'd say that.

-What will your sister think?

-She'll love my outfit, Pod.

-Thank Pod for that.

-Will you keep this new look?

-Yeah, I would.

-Then my work here is done.

-It sure is!

-Goodbye, Jessica.

Goodbye!

Oh, my God!

-Oh, you look gorgeous!

-Thank you.

-That looks well nice.

-It's gorgeous, that dress. And you don't look false at all.

I always thought she was pretty. You can't see it sometimes.

She looks really natural now.

-Are you going to borrow that dress?

-Yeah!

I much prefer Jess as she is now. She's even more stunning now.

Jess looked gorgeous and so much younger. I can't wait to see if she keeps it up.

We've all been given a beauty tip, but are you brave enough to try them? You don't have to be.

I'm brave enough - or crazy enough - for us all.

You're on holiday and the sun, sea and sand plays havoc with your straight hair. What do you do?

You could use products, but will end up greasy and flat. I have a genius tip. First, let's get frizzy.

# Ole, ole, ole, ole

# Feeling hot, hot, hot... #

Well and truly frizzed. Let's try this tip.

Tumble dryer sheets that stop your socks from sticking together -

if you rub it on your hair, apparently, it eliminates the frizz. Let's give it a go. Smells nice.

Right. Let's have a look. ..Oh, my Pod!

Beautifully straight hair again. It works! Genius!

Do you remember the gorgeous and very brown Jessica?

Pod gave her a make under, but has she kept it or gone straight back to the false tan?

-Let's meet her and find out. Hello!

-Hiya!

-You look gorgeous.

-Thanks.

-I love the fringe.

-Thank you.

All the hair extensions have gone. You've kept the make under! Yay!

-Still looking rather brown.

-I've not got no tan on and I've not been on the sun beds.

-How do you feel after the make under?

-Free.

Free of what I was before.

Your mum and sister loved it. What did they say to you?

"Oh, you look so much better. I've always told you, Jess, you look so much better."

-I've got a boyfriend now. And he prefers me like this!

-Pod's a matchmaker! Hallelujah!

-I think this has been a very good successful make under.

-Me, too.

-You look so much better. Lovely.

-Thank you.

-Well done, Pod.

Thanks, Pod.

-Well done, Poddy Woddy.

-Don't you start, Frost!

-My name is Pod.

-Petagay lover her make under look and she kept it. So did Jess. Poddy Woddy!

I won't tell you again. My name is Pod.

-Is somebody a bit cranky?

-Pod off!

-That's MY line, Poddy Woddy!

-Right, that's it.

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd - 2010

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