Episode 3 Snog Marry Avoid?

Love it.

Here on Snog, Marry, Avoid, we've been on the lookout

for make-up-obsessed, fake-tan-loving ladies and gentlemen.

And it took us all of two minutes.

Everywhere you look, people are slapping it on.

But be warned, it's about to come off.

Oh, yes. It's time to sling the slap.

Because on this show we're all about natural beauty.

Welcome to the gorgeous, fabulous world of the makeunder.

-Hello, POD.

-Hello, Jenny Frost. You're looking very lovely.

Thank you. And you're looking as gorgeous and purple as ever.

Naturally. So what delights have you got for me today, Frost?

I'm not sure you'll be calling them delights after you've met them. They're quite obsessed with fakery.

It's time they fell in love with natural beauty.

Yeah, good luck with that one, POD.

Coming up on tonight's show... POD meets a lady

who likes to horse around...

-Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink.

-..a man looking for a cat fight...

-Straight men absolutely adore me.

-..and a rather magical creature...

I see my image as my work of art.

So, POD, are you ready for your first victim?

Always, Frost. Who have you got for me?

Well, POD, she's a thoroughbred fake. Meet Alannah.

Hi, I'm Alannah from Runcorn.

HORSE WHINNIES

This is Fian. She's gorgeous.

We match as well.

A lot of people say, "Oh, God, here's Katie Price arriving."

She wants to be Katie Price.

Looking all glamorous while she's riding round the field.

Give me a kiss.

Alannah likes to put pink sparkly hoof moisturiser on,

so the pony's walking around with sparkly pink hooves.

Isn't that amazing? So we're sorted, aren't we, babe?

My occupation is being a full-time pink lover.

# My love is pink... #

Pink, pink, pink, pink, pink. Everything's pink.

-SHE GIGGLES

-Just pink.

-It just makes me happy.

-SHE GIGGLES

My dream job would be to be a glamour model. I would absolutely love that.

Believe it or not, the boobs are fake.

A girl can never have too much make-up on. Never.

We begin with the first layer of foundation.

Then touch it up with some more foundation and blusher.

Put more on.

Boyfriends have said to me, "Why are you putting your make-up on going to bed?"

I love it. Without all the make-up it's just plain Alannah, and I don't like plain Alannah.

I do love my sister so much.

This makeunder is a perfect opportunity

for her to go back to being the natural beauty that she really is.

And there we go. The look's completed.

ALL TOAST

ALL: Whoo!

The key points to a good night out are pink, pink, pink.

Lots of make-up, lots of lip gloss, lots of alcohol.

Big high heels. And, of course, the main point, all your friends.

MEN CHEER

She doesn't need to

actually dress the way she does to be nice.

She's nice anyway. Know what I mean?

Mwah!

You've got to love fakery. Fakery always wins.

-Hello, Alannah.

-Hello, Jenny.

-How are you today? Apart from pink.

-I'm great, thank you.

Are you always this pink?

Yes, all the time. 100%, definitely.

How would you feel if POD dressed you in head-to-toe black?

Oh! I'd be devastated. Absolutely devastated.

Do you get compared to Barbie?

Yes, I do. I do. You do get the...

quite a few comments about Barbie.

-When did this Barbie obsession start?

-I think pretty much from birth.

But it has got worse and worse and worse and worse.

I thought I'd grow out of it, but it's got worse.

Right, I'm going to see you on the other side.

Maybe not so pink. Good luck.

I am POD.

Who are you?

I am Alannah.

-No, you're not. You, my dear, are Barbie.

-Yeah.

Have you got a problem with that?

Yes. Why on earth do you want to look like a waxy tacky doll?

I just love being a pink Barbie.

You've got the blonde hair, the big boobs.

Are the big boobs made of plastic like Barbie's too?

-No comment, POD.

-I'll take that as a yes, then.

-Ha! Yeah, I love it.

-How many Barbies do you own?

Around 50. We have Malibu Barbie, Princess Barbie, Summer Sun Barbie.

I've got that many I forget the names.

Too busy thinking about pink and plastic?

Yes. I have got a pink brain.

Well, that explains a few things. ALANNAH LAUGHS

Alannah, do you have a boyfriend?

No, I don't. One day I'll find a Ken or an Action Man.

-Perhaps you'd have more luck as a natural beauty.

-Maybe.

POD is sure this natural beauty would have no trouble finding a Ken.

Oh, my God!

That's such an awful picture.

It's hideous. Make it go away.

According to my beauty files, you have a horse called Fian.

-Yes, I do.

-Is she as fake as you?

I put glitter on her hooves to make her look pretty and sparkly.

No wonder she's got a long face.

ALANNAH LAUGHS

-Thanks, POD.

-Why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

To try and get my natural beauty back.

What I did have. I think a lot of my family and friends would like to see that Alannah again.

POD would like to see that Alannah again too.

-First I need to find out what the public think of your current look.

-Am I going to get into trouble?

Alannah, you already are. ALANNAH LAUGHS

Run phase one - Public Analysis.

I asked,

"Would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?"

I'm going to go with...

-avoid.

-Play.

I would avoid this girl.

She looks fake and not real.

I would have to say I would avoid her.

-She looks too much like a glamour girl.

-Avoid her.

She is too naughty for me.

-Thanks, mate.

-I also asked the musical artist

Master Shortie what he would do.

-I love it!

-Play.

Unfortunately, I have to avoid.

I don't want to hug her wearing a white T-shirt and come away the T-shirt being brown,

because she is covered in make-up.

What's wrong with your natural skin?

That has happened a few times.

That is nothing to be proud of.

I know. I know, POD.

The majority of the people we asked agreed with Master Shortie

and wanted to avoid you completely.

We've got to sort that out, haven't we?

-Correct.

-We have to.

-Ready for my verdict?

Oh... Go on, POD.

Alannah, you are a pink-obsessed horse-bothering blonde,

and you need my makeunder.

Come on, let's do it.

Yes, let's. Choose a new hair colour.

Ash blonde, dark chocolate,

copper red, ebony.

Dark chocolate.

Choose a celebrity style.

Vanessa Hudgens, Holly Willoughby,

Rachel Bilson, Nicole Richie.

Oooh...Nicole Richie.

Thank you, Alannah. Run phase two - Deep Cleanse.

Oh! Argh!

-Please put on your Deep Cleanse uniform.

-It's going, it's going.

-And so are those lashes.

-There they are. Oh.

Now get scrubbing.

I'm scrubbing. I'm scrubbing.

-How are you feeling?

-I'm feeling sad.

Don't feel said. You already look much better.

-Aw, thank you, POD.

-Are you ready to meet the new you?

-I am completely ready now.

-Then run phase three - the Makeunder.

Aaargh! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, the dress.

-And the hair. Oh, my God!

-So does that mean you like it, Alannah?

Oh, my God, I love it!

ALANNAH GIGGLES

POD thinks you look very pretty.

-Thank you, POD. I just love this dress.

-ALANNAH SQUEALS

-And what colour is your dress, Alannah?

-It's blue.

So maybe it's time to rethink the pink.

-I think I have a new love for a new colour.

-How do you feel as a natural beauty?

Happy. I do actually feel happy.

Shall we see if the public like your new look?

-Yes, POD.

-Play.

-Yeah, I'd say snog.

-I think I'd snog her.

Snog her. As long as you didn't tell my girlfriend.

She looks nice. Nice dress. Looks like a pretty girl.

Oh!

-Thanks.

-Now a massive 70% wanted to snog you.

-Yay!

And everyone else wanted to marry you.

That's a massive improvement, isn't it, POD?

Correct. What sort of men do you think you'll attract now?

I'm still on the lookout for a Ken and an Action Man.

Funny you should say that. I have a little treat for you. Play.

That girl is a real doll.

I'd show her some action, man.

ALANNAH GIGGLES

Here's how I achieved your new natural look.

Using colour on your eyes does not have to be garish.

A flash of colour is all you need to make your eyes pop.

A floral pattern is a girly alternative to pink.

And a playsuit is flirty without being tarty.

-Still flirty and definitely girly.

-Have we seen the last of Barbie?

The old Barbie look -

-I think it is going to have to go.

-POD is very impressed with Alannah.

And I am very impressed with POD as well.

What do you think your horse will think?

I think she will absolutely love it.

POD thinks she will love it this much.

HORSE WHINNIES

Ha! Aw, bless her.

POD computes this makeunder has been a complete success.

Oh, thank you, POD.

-You are welcome. Goodbye.

-Bye!

WOLF-WHISTLES

Oh, my God!

SISTER LAUGHS AND SCREAMS

What do you think?

You look proper fabulous.

Proper classy.

Aw, thank you!

'She looks like a different person.'

She looks like a proper natural beauty.

Not all the kind of fake plasticness.

It's just gorgeous. And do you know what?

It's still quite short. But you look gorgeous.

-Do you know what I mean?

-Definitely a lot more classy, yeah.

Aw!

I think her hair looks absolutely gorgeous and she looks really beautiful.

So I hope she realises that and she does keep it.

You look proper beautiful.

Ah, thank you.

BOTH SQUEAL

Aw, the girls were really excited. And rightly so.

Alannah looked gorgeous.

Now when it comes to beauty hints and tips, some of you are equally as excited.

But I think it might be time for you to chill out.

Oh.

-Eyeliner.

-Lip liner.

-Blush brush.

Definitely a girls' night out.

-You can't off your legs and your boobs at the same time.

-Yeah.

It's got to be one or the other.

-Fake tan is a definite must.

-It's what a woman wants.

Blondes have more fun. But brunettes remember it in the morning, so...

Next to feel the wrath of POD was Clinton,

who certainly wasn't going to go down without a fight.

Have you got these for size six?

# Let's go, girls... #

I'm Clinton. I'm from West Yorkshire.

I'm quite a little style queen. Forget Trinny and Susannah and Gok Wan -

they do not have a patch on me.

# Man, I feel like a woman... #

I'm like a celebrity in Leeds. Everywhere I go, I'm recognised.

I'm here, darling.

I need this to be fabulous for tonight. I need it big and it beautiful.

I'm a diva. And they really, really let me be a diva in here.

Bigger.

Ha-ha-ha!

Bye!

It takes a whole day for me to get ready - about a good 11 hours.

I always go for a run.

Here's a tip for you at home.

Get some clingfilm. I wrap it around my stomach.

I'll go for a run and see how much weight I can lose

before my night out.

And then I come back and I feel so sucked in and so sexual.

When Clinton's getting ready, it consists of a bubble bath.

He'll probably be in there for an hour.

He uses all of the bubble bath. There's none left for me.

-He's a lot more high maintenance than a normal woman.

-Ha!

Wigs are everything to me.

The look I go for is very chic, sexy and very sassy.

It's the wow factor. It's the diva factor.

Divalicious.

Every time I go out in this jacket, I feel like a peacock.

Clinton actually takes out a little mini suitcase.

So that's outfit number one.

He's got about four different outfits in this suitcase.

It's like an awards ceremony.

I go in with one outfit

and come out wearing something else.

He is a diva.

I do like male attention when I'm out. And straight men absolutely adore me.

There is no-one else like me. There's only one Clinton.

-You're looking gorgeous.

-Thanks. I do try.

-I'm feeling very underdressed though.

-Hardly, darling.

What is the worst thing that could happen to you in POD?

You can't perfect perfection.

What can they do to this to make it better?

-The mind boggles. I'm speechless. There's absolutely nothing I can see that POD can improve on.

-Absolutely.

-How are you feeling about going into POD?

-Really excited,

because I know POD is going to be a complete cow about my look.

But let me tell you one thing.

POD best be careful, because my little cat claws will be out.

Watch out, POD. What's the one thing that you think POD is going to get her claws out on you for?

I've got style - POD will be jealous, so everything.

-I wish you good luck in POD. Or maybe I'm going to wish POD good luck with you.

-You do that.

You're going to be fabulous and I'll see you on the other side.

I am POD. Who are you?

I'm Clinton Earle.

-Have you come to do some cleaning?

-Excuse me?

The headscarf suggests that you have come to scrub.

Don't be a little bitch, because Clinton Earle can get catty.

Please. POD is not scared of a little old lady who got lost in a fancy dress shop.

Don't be nasty, POD. I've told you now.

You keep pushing me and I will be a little cat. Miaow!

Easy, tiger. What do you think of natural beauty?

There's no such thing as natural beauty.

Tell me someone who is, like, naturally beautiful.

OK, I will. This young man is very natural and handsome.

Oh, that's awful. I look like such a boy.

Looking back at that just gives me nightmares. Take it off.

What happened to that natural boy?

POD, let me let you in on a little secret.

I've had plastic surgery.

-What have you done to yourself?

-I've had rhinoplasty here on my nose.

I've had my cheekbones done.

I've had my bottom lip plumped.

I've had a bit of lipo and I still want more.

-What is wrong with natural beauty?

-No-one is naturally beautiful in Hollywood.

If I want to make it into Hollywood,

I have to dress a certain way.

-It's your dream to make it in Hollywood, is it?

-Yes, it is.

-POD thinks you will definitely make it.

-Oh, POD! I'm loving you now. Do you think?

-Yes. You'd be a shoo-in for Driving Miss Daisy Two.

-Nu-uh!

Don't think so. POD is just so wrong.

-Well, why don't you prove it and do some acting?

-Yeah, go on.

Are you familiar with soap operas?

Of course. Can you imagine me as the new Peggy Mitchell in EastEnders?

-I have a feeling I won't have to. Are you ready, Clinton?

-Yes, POD.

Action. MUSIC: EastEnders theme tune

Where the bloody hell have you been?

I have been giving Pat Butcher a lesson in natural beauty.

You what? Pat Butcher!

You should give it to bloody Dot Cotton!

Get out of my pub!

HE HUMS THE THEME TUNE

-What did you think to that, POD?

-You seem right at home playing a lairy landlady

-who bought clothes off the market.

-Whatever.

You're a jumped-up computer screen with no brain.

How dare you speak to POD like that? Apologise.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.

Well, I did mean it, but in a good way.

Hmm. Why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

-I want to see what you can do. I will try anything once.

-Good.

-Then run phase one - Public Analysis.

-Go on, give it to me.

What sort of reaction do you normally get from people?

Everyone's like, "Oh, my God, your outfit's amazing."

-I'm like, "You don't need to tell me that."

-Interesting.

Because I asked people,

"Does he look like he has a personal stylist,

"too much time on his hands, bad taste?"

Erm...

Can I just tell you something now? If they have said "bad taste",

huh! No way.

Just tell me what you think they said.

-A personal stylist, definitely.

-Play.

He has bad taste.

He's trying to be someone he's not.

He has too much time on his hands.

And not enough money.

It looks like he's got too much time on his hands

and bad taste. But no personal stylist.

Or else he'd look better.

Well, let me tell you something now.

That person was a super-bitch, because at the end of the day,

I've got style. I've got grace.

End of.

Fact dot com.

Hmm. I also asked,

"Would you snog, marry or avoid this person?"

-Avoid.

-Play.

I'd avoid him. He just looks a bit crazy.

I would avoid him like the plague.

It looks like he's spent too much time

with the glitter stick.

I'd definitely avoid him

because he seems way over the top.

You didn't go to the right people.

Well, I also asked Shipwrecked winner Greg Jones. Play.

He looks like...

some kind of cartoon character.

I do... I'm a big fan of cartoons,

but I'd avoid this young man.

Let me tell you something, Greg. I ain't no cartoon character. I'm Clinton Earle.

Go back to your island and sun yourself - you could do with a tan.

100% of the people we asked agreed.

-So everyone wants to avoid me?

-Correct.

Do you know what my comment to that is?

Jealous kebab-belly muffin-tops.

-Do you know what my comment to you is?

-Go on.

You are a snappy cat with terrible taste.

And you need my makeunder.

Does this face at all look bothered?

It's about to look very different.

-Let's see if you're as good as you say you are.

-By all means. Run the Makeunder.

I'm really shocked.

-In a good way?

-I don't know what to say.

You've really, really wiped the floor with me here, POD.

How does it feel to see yourself as a boy again?

I think it's still slightly feminine.

I think it's just really toned down.

POD wanted to show you that you can be a womanly man as well as a manly woman.

Yeah, I thank you for that - for just giving me a different option.

-So does that mean you like it?

-Yeah, I love it.

I feel like Cinderella.

-And you shall go the ball.

-I shall, POD.

-Would you like to see what the public think of the new you?

-Absolutely.

-Play.

He looks snogable.

If you look at his clothes and his...

He has a clean haircut. Yeah, he looks nice.

I would snog him

because the nude look is very contemporary.

I can snog him because he looks very nice.

80% now want to snog you.

-Really?

-Yes.

-Can I have their numbers, like, now?

-No.

CLINTON LAUGHS

You're so cheeky, I love it. POD, I love you.

And I love the natural you.

Here's how I achieved your new look.

Add a silk scarf to an androgynous jacket for a feminine touch.

Taking your hair shorter, above your ears, shows off your lovely cheekbones.

-And they are lovely.

-What do you think of natural beauty now?

It's made me see myself in a different light,

and I think it'll change me for...

for good, actually. I think you're really going to change me.

-I didn't think you could.

-Never doubt the power of POD.

Absolutely. I'm definitely feeling that.

POD is feeling the fabulous new you.

POD, you need to stay Podilicious. What do you need to stay?

Podilicious?

-Exactly.

-And what do you need to stay, Clinton?

-A natural beauty.

-Correct. Goodbye.

Bye.

# If I were a boy... #

Oh! Oh, my God!

Love it, love it, love it, love it.

I love it. Oh, my God, you look so elegant. I love the scarf.

I'm really digging it. I think it's amazing.

I like his new look. It's really natural.

'Everyone will still turn their heads and look.'

-Give me a hug, you look beautiful.

-Thanks, babe.

-You always do, and I love you - whatever you want to wear.

-Aw.

Wow, I was not expecting Clinton to like it. Good job, POD.

Will he keep it up? We'll find out later.

When it comes to beauty tips, some of you are quite sceptical. But you're not alone.

There are some dodgy ones.

Which makes me think, why have I agreed to test them for you?

But I have. You can thank me later.

When it comes to hair, us girls know that bigger is usually better.

How do you get that volume you get in the salon without the salon prices?

Talc apparently works the same way as dry shampoo.

Which is, you stick it on the roots of your hair,

just a tiny bit...

underneath...

Put it in different sections that you want the volume.

Give your hair...

a good massage. Really rub it in.

And there you have it -

instant volume. It works!

Do you remember the gorgeous very pink Alannah from earlier on?

Well, POD de-pinked her and took away her blonde locks.

Has she stayed that way? Or has she gone back to her Barbie ways?

Let's meet her and find out. Hello, Alannah.

-Hello, Jenny.

-How are you?

I'm good, thank you. I'm good.

-Back blonde?

-I know, I know. I had to.

Before the makeunder, it was literally top-to-toe pink.

Have you toned it down somewhat?

I have, I have. If you notice, I'm wearing blue jeans.

-Ah!

-And the furry boots.

-Oh!

-ALANNAH LAUGHS

But of course the pink top.

And the pink lips.

Is this the new and improved Alannah?

The hair extensions have gone. Natural-coloured nails.

A lot less make-up. One set of eyelashes.

And a lot paler. Not the orange look.

What were your perceptions of natural beauty before?

-What are they now?

-I always imagined natural beauty as no make-up, plain, boring.

But it's not that at all. You can enhance with make-up and still be a natural beauty.

Now I've found that right balance.

Well, I think the makeunder's been a huge success.

We've got a lot less make-up and the extensions have gone.

You're still pink but that's you, and we love for you for it.

But overall, good job, POD.

POD's next challenge might just be a make-up brush too far.

Prepare for fireworks.

I am POD. Who are you?

-Hello, POD. I'm Anna.

-Have you come from the harvest festival?

I come from Russia.

-Where do you come from?

-I come from a place of natural beauty.

Clearly, you've never visited.

Oh, POD. Let's be friends. You're a god and I'm a god. We should be friends.

I am POD not God.

God, you know, God. This is my God look.

It is your god-awful look.

Oh, cheeky, cheeky.

-Anna, what religion are you the god of?

-Sheepology.

-I beg your pardon?

-We believe in the green sheep which came from out of space.

They've chosen me to be a god of this religion.

-So you are a god of a flock of green sheep from out of space?

-Yes!

-Many followers?

-Yes, POD.

And what is your job as god of green sheep?

To promote it, to mark people with those green rings.

Like I have this green ring on my finger. This is a Sheepology ring.

-What does that do?

-When the sun explodes and everyone's going to die,

the sheep will come and just save those who have the green rings,

put them in a spaceship and bring them to a new happy planet. It's going to be great.

And who told you that? The great green sheep in the sky?

The sheep is inside the sun, but it speaks through me to the world.

I see. And what does the sheep inside the sun say?

Baa. Baa-baa. Baa. Baa.

-You know, things like that.

-Anna.

-Yes, POD.

-Are you completely baaa-rmy?

No, POD. No, no, no.

Well, what an earth is the god of the green sheep from outer space doing visiting POD?

I just thought I'd enlighten POD with my thoughts on fakery.

This should be interesting. Please do enlighten me.

You can be natural and fake at the same time.

It's about the joys of dressing up. It's about bringing happiness to the people.

And you give people happiness by looking like a herbaceous border?

Oh, little POD. We should try dressing you up. It's going to be very hard

because you don't have a body, but I'm sure you can do it somehow.

POD has no desire to look like Little Bo Peep who's lost her sheep and her mind all at the same time.

Poor POD, I'm sorry. But I, I do...

I'm quite natural. I mean, I think we're quite similar, you and me.

I have no plastic surgery. I have no tattoos. I have no piercings except my ears.

You really think POD has something in common with you, hedge-headed sheep leader?

Yes, yes, I do. I mean, I think you're great. I think what you're doing is really good.

-If you think it's that good, then let me give you a makeunder.

-No.

I don't think I need a makeunder, because I like how I look naturally.

Then why have you covered yourself in all that silly slap and fakery?

I want to be amazing. I want to be superhuman.

-With POD's help, you could be a super-natural human.

-Never, never, never.

Then we must say goodbye.

Take this green ring and become part of the sheep.

-No, you really don't have to do that.

-It's yours.

You are now one of the sheep people. You will be saved.

Er, thank you, Anna. Now, go and tend to your flock, you sheep-mad fool.

Bye, POD. Bye. Mwah!

Do you remember the fabulous Clinton Earle from earlier?

Well, he was out there, fabulous and wild,

and POD tried to tame his ways.

And he ended up looking gorgeous and natural.

But has he kept it up? Or has he gone back to his wiggy ways?

Let's find out. Hey!

-Hi, Jenny. You all right?

-I'm great.

-You look gorgeous.

-Aw, thank you.

Did you feel comfortable looking more masculine?

It felt nice. It felt quite tingly.

I love it. It's opened up so much for me.

I can do so much. I can be so versatile.

A wig one minute, a boy the next. You know?

Just like that. And I've actually got...

I had an interview the other week - I got the job.

-So the new look got you a new job?

-The new look...

It did, it got me a new job.

Well, I think this has been a stylicious success of a makeunder.

-And you've taken it and made it your own, which I love.

-Absolutely, yeah.

I'm going to stick at it, because it can only get better.

I think POD's done a good job.

-Good job, POD.

-Yes, POD, good job.

BOTH LAUGH

POD, you must be exhausted after that.

Yes, Jenny Frost. The natural beauty business can be hard work sometimes,

-but it's worth it.

-It is. Alannah and Clinton both loved their new looks.

And so they should. They looked lovely.

And you look tired.

-You look like you need some rest.

-Good night.

Night night, POD. POD off.

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