Episode 4 Snog Marry Avoid?

Love it.

Do you love make up more than life itself?

Does the thought of going without a false tan terrify you?

If so, be warned, because here on Snog, Marry, Avoid fake is a dirty word

and we are about to clean up your act.

So, flush those false lashes, tear out that fake hair

and prepare yourself for a natural beauty explosion.

You are about to enter the fabulous world of the makeunder -

and this time we've gone global.

Hello, POD, how are you today?

I'm very well, thank you, the Frost, and excited to meet my next makeunder victims.

It's very strange what makes you happy, POD, but, if it's

fake ladies you want then you are in for a treat today, my friend.

I like the sound of that Jenny Frost, tell me more.

Well, your tour of the Costa del Sol continues and if that wasn't enough,

we have a very special visitor from New York.

The fight against fakery goes international.

Well, I am aiming for world domination, you know.

All right, you natural beauty genius,

let's just get this lot made under first, shall we?

Coming up on tonight's show - POD meets a sun worshipper fresh off

the plane from Spain...

I just love partying, it's just been all partying.

-A footballer's daughter is sent off in style.

-Sexy, edgy, blingified.

And there's an American she-wolf in London.

Do I look good? Because I feel good.

So, ready to fight the forces of fakery, POD?

And waiting. Who is my first challenge, Frost?

It's sun-loving Becky, all the way from Magaluf.

Hiya, my name's Becky, I'm 21 years old, I'm from Bolton

and I'm the most high-maintenance girl you'll ever meet.

# My life, my life, my life, my life In the sunshine... #

My perfect holiday is just total, constant sun. I love it.

When I'm sunbathing, I sunbathe proper. Like all day.

I'm going on the sun bed, I've already been on once today.

I am half Nigerian, so I am actually naturally quite dark but I just like looking darker.

I go on the sun bed twice in one day sometimes.

I just go browner and browner.

I like my hair to be straight, big and thick, the bigger the better.

That is my real hair, proper minging, proper boffy.

I like wearing lots of make up.

She can sometimes overdo the make up and takes away from the natural

beauty that she's got.

I like my eyelashes being real long. I don't want them to look proper

stupid but I do like 'em bigger than what everyone else has them.

I was taking some washing upstairs and put it her on her bed and

one of the fake eyelashes had come off in the night

and it was on the bed and if frightened me half to death.

I thought there was a centipede or something in the bed.

I'm ready.

Magaluf Strip, por favor.

Becky turns a lot of heads when we walk past, they just stop and stare.

I love just partying, it's just brilliant. I've not come on holiday to look at castles and things.

Just pure dancing, pure partying.

My shorts are stuck, because they are still wet from before.

I've got myself a little bit of a takeaway, a little feast when I get back to the apartment.

I'm just going to go now, eat this and crash.

Here we are in Magaluf and I'm here with the gorgeous Becky.

-Hi.

-Are you having a nice holiday?

-I am, yeah, thanks.

Is this what you'd wear for a typical night out over here?

For a wild night with the girls I'd wear something like this.

How long does it take you to get ready?

I try and spend all day getting ready, really.

Now, young lady, I've heard a rumour that you, on holiday in the sunshine,

-have been on the sun bed.

-Yeah.

Do you not like to go to see maybe Palma Cathedral or some ruins?

No, not on a girlie holiday in Magaluf.

Right, gorgeous Becky, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now,

send you back on your merry way to Blighty. So, good luck.

-I am POD. Who are you?

-I'm Becky.

-Have you scared many crows lately?

-No.

Are you sure, I could have sworn this was you.

Well, you mustn't be looking properly, then.

POD can see perfectly well that you have hair like straw.

What have you been up to on your holiday, Becky?

Partying, drinking, sunbathing.

-In other words, late nights, dehydration and wrinkly skin.

-I know.

Oh, so you are happy to end up looking like this, are you?

-What's that?

-It's a shrivelled prune, Becky.

-Thanks.

-Did you soak up any of the local culture in Magaluf?

Well... The local what?

-Culture.

-Culture, I didn't even know there was culture in Magaluf.

But you appear to know that there was booze in Magaluf.

Oh, no, how bad's that?!

-I was so rough that day.

-Is that why you have a bag on your head.

Oh, my God, I don't know.

Did you lean any Spanish words while you were away?

Hola, adios, gracias,

por favor, buenos dias.

-POD has also learnt some Spanish would you like to hear?

-Yeah.

Becky, eras una senorita tonta, y tiene un pelo desastroso y un piel

del color de las sardinas fritas, porque te tratas asi?

Porque tratas a POD asi?

Right.

Oh, never mind. What do you think of natural beauty?

I don't like myself natural, so I like dress like this and have my

make up like this on purpose so that I feel better about myself.

In that case why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

My family they have not seen me look natural for ages.

I've never looked totally 100% natural.

-POD thinks you will look 100% gorgeous 100% natural.

-Thanks.

Run phase one - public analysis.

I asked, how old is this girl?

-I hope they said 21.

-How old are you?

-21.

-Play.

Don't know about 27 but she's had 27 hours in the tanning salon

by the looks of it. A bit crispy.

I would say she's 27.

I think that she's probably 32.

-32! Cheeky

-BLEEP.

50% of the people asked thought you were 32. And you could kindly refrain

from any further profanity, Becky?

-OK.

-I also asked, would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?

-Avoid.

-Play.

I would avoid her because she shows off too much, to be honest.

She looks just awful.

She looks a bit like a tranny. Avoid.

I'd definitely avoid.

She's pretty rough, to be honest.

-Oh, my God.

-Is that what you were expecting, Becky?

Is it heck.

I also asked Raef from The Apprentice.

Would you like to know what he said?

-Oh, I know who you mean. Yeah.

-Play.

Well, here is a woman who certainly looks as though she has been in an

oven for the last two weeks, or in fact the whole of her life.

For that reason, I am afraid I would avoid her like the plague.

Get over it.

You get over the fact that the majority of the people we asked wanted to avoid you.

Wouldn't even bloody snog them anyway, so what are they going on about?

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yeah.

You are a crispy coated, straw haired blonde bomb site and you need my -

We'll see.

Yes, we will. But before I can give you your new natural holiday look

I need you to remove all of those skanky extensions.

Oh, my God! Right, hold on.

-Just get on with it, Becky.

-Ah, no way, have I got to take all these out?

Yes, you do.

Oh, no way.

Becky, what have you done to your hair?

-Oh, I know, it's horrendous.

-No arguments here.

-I've started not liking you as much.

-You'll like me in a minute.

Run, phase three. The makeunder.

Whoa, oh, my God. Ah! No way.

-Well, what do you think?

-Its just, like, shocking. I'm just shocked.

-Shocked in a good way?

-Yeah, it does look nice, it is nice and natural.

POD thinks you look beautiful, Becky.

-Thanks.

-Shall see what the public think of your new holiday look?

Yeah.

-Play.

-Without question I would definitely

snog her because she's got those

inviting eyes and luscious lips.

She's, like, marriage material.

I would snog her because she looks like a very nice wholesome girl.

-What's wholesome?

-I think he means you look like a nice young lady.

50% now want to snog you and the other 50% want to marry you.

That's funny. It's mad, that.

Here is how I achieved your new look.

In hot weather, use a tinted moisturiser with a high SPF,

a flawless beach look.

On holiday choose a soft draped floaty dress to keep you cool without

showing off too much flesh. So, will you be keeping this new look?

I am going to try my hardest.

Good girl, POD computes this makeunder has been

a complete success.

-Thanks.

-Goodbye.

-See ya.

Oh. That looks lovely!

I love Becky's new look, I much prefer the more natural Becky.

Yeah, do you like my dress?

-Yeah, love it.

-Yes, it's very nice.

I like being a bit more natural.

I much prefer this new Becky.

Wow, Becky looks stunning.

Who knew such a gorgeous girl

was hiding underneath all that tan and hair.

And who knows what we'd find if we got all the slap off this lot.

One thing's for sure, Saturday nights would never look the same.

Buy a hot dress because you know them pictures better be looking hot.

Spray your face with hairspray,

a little bit of glitter in your hand and just blow it all over your face.

We love make up because it makes you look plastic like Barbie.

The most important is also looking orange as possible.

And glamorous.

This is a new lip gloss that has a mirror on it and it has a light.

So, it's like the Swiss Army Knife of lip glosses.

Next into POD was bubbly Bianca, a lovely girl you might recognise.

She's the stepdaughter of a very famous footballer who jetted off

to an island where she found love, found fame and then promptly found

herself on all the worse dressed lists. It's Bianca Gascoigne.

Hello and welcome to my house.

I'm Bianca Gascoigne, I'm 23 years old.

My stepfather is Paul Gascoigne.

Here we have my bedroom.

I like to call it the magic bed,

it's where the magic happens.

This bit here is my wardrobe.

My style - the boobs,

the short skirt, sexy, edgy and,

I know this isn't a word, but blingified.

This dress here, I wore it to a premiere

and I felt a million dollars in it but I got absolutely slated.

I suppose I do look tarty.

This was in every magazine

and they told me I needed to grow up, but I absolutely love it.

My hair's fake, my nails are fake, my boobs are fake, my eyelashes are

fake but everything else is real.

So this is my trusty make up box.

I love make up. Definitely eyelashes, big hair and smoky eyes.

Va-va-voom effect.

She thinks that she doesn't look

beautiful underneath so she feels the need to put it on so much.

She thinks she's ugly but she's not.

It's all about the glamour.

State of emergency.

Basically, didn't have any hairspray at home so, I need to go to the garage.

Right I've got my hairspray.

I don't take myself seriously when I'm out

and I try and have as much fun as possible.

The makeunder will be good for Bianca because she doesn't need any

of the make up, anything like that. She looks spot on without it all.

Absolutely fantastic night and, POD, you'd better be ready for me.

-Hello, Bianca.

-Hello.

-How are you today?

-Very good, thank you.

Now, those pesky magazines often put you

on the worst dressed list. How does that make you feel?

It's a bit annoying them always slating it because

sometimes I think, "Come on, that's not actually that bad."

So, is this what you'd wear for a normal night out?

Yes, definitely. The big high shoes, little short skirt, little vest top

and obviously, there's got to be a bit of bling somewhere.

What couldn't you live without that you're sure POD's going to take off you?

It's definitely going to have to be the hair.

When POD takes them away I am just going to be

uber upset because it's definitely a security blanket for me.

Right, Bianca I am going to wish you good luck in POD now

and I will see you when you are all madeunder with smaller hair. Good luck.

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

Bianca Gascoigne.

This Bianca Gascoigne?

Oh, my God, I've never seen that picture before.

Any chance the breasts you are wearing there are real, Bianca?

-My boobs are fake, yes, come on.

-Bianca.

-Yes, POD.

-Is that shaggy mane all your own?

-No.

Did you shave a hairy yak to get it?

Oh, that's a bit rude. It's been called other things, to be fair.

-Like what?

-Like when it's left on the floor they think it's like a dead racoon or something like that.

Why do you want to look like you have a dead racoon on your head?

I suppose I use it like a comfort blanket.

That doesn't sound very comforting to POD, or a racoon.

You know what I mean, though, don't you. You know, you get my gist.

Not really, Bianca, no. Why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

I would love the public and the press to take me more seriously.

There is a lot more to me than just big hair, big boobs and make up.

-Like what?

-Obviously, I sing.

Oh, POD would love to hear you bust a rhyme.

-SHE RAPS:

-I say yo, it's me, B, lyrically on the M I C, that's how we do, yes,

my baby, up in a mix, when we be getting down like this.

-POD very much enjoyed your little song.

-Thank you.

It is now time to find out what the public think of your look.

-Are you ready?

-Yes, POD, double yes, POD.

That's the spirit, Bianca.

Running public analysis.

I asked would you buy this girl -

-Oh, that's so mean.

-What do you think they said?

-I want it to be dinner, so I am going to go for dinner.

-Play.

If I had to, I would buy her a kebab.

I'd probably buy her a kebab because she looks like the type of person you might meet late at night.

I'd definitely buy her a kebab. She looks like the type of girl who enjoys cheap meat.

That's very rude. Put a kebab in their face.

Well, then you'd be putting a lot of kebabs in a lot of faces because

75% wanted to buy you a kebab.

75%! I don't even like kebabs.

I also asked, would you snog, marry or avoid this girl?

Obviously I'm going to go for avoid.

-Play.

-Probably avoid her because she looks really tacky.

I would avoid, her to be honest.

She looks like she's just good for a snog and just for fun.

Are you good for that, Bianca?

I am good for that

but obviously I'm good for other things as well.

-55% of the people we asked did want to snog you.

-Oh, yes.

But 30% want to avoid you completely.

Oh, it's a lot better than I thought it was going to be.

Brace yourself, Bianca, POD is going to say something unprecedented.

Many of your fellow celebrities have come before POD and compared to

them your level of fakery is in the minor leagues.

You are joking, aren't you?

POD never jokes about natural beauty.

You, Bianca, are a big-boobed racoon head,

in need of a tweak, not a full makeunder.

So you will undergo my natural beauty reboot immediately.

I want to see what magic you can come up with.

Then prepare to be amazed.

Run the makeunder.

-Oh, my God, I am going to die.

-Well, what do you think?

Definitely been madeunder, haven't I?

Oh, Bianca, I hardly touched you. You had so much natural beauty already.

It's freaking me out.

I am not going to lie to you.

But all I did was remove the dead racoon and give you something a

-little more sophisticated to wear.

-Who I am looking at is not me.

Surely you can see you have a lot of natural beauty?

I don't know what to say because I don't feel like I have.

-Believe me, Bianca, you do.

-For me, it's not an easy thing to take in.

Would it help to know what the public think of the new you?

-I'd like to see what they'd say, to be fair.

-Play.

I think I would probably snog her.

She looks like she has pretty impressive lips.

She would be a good kisser.

I would snog her, she was gorgeous.

Snog, marry and tingle-wingle because

she has really nice hair and I'm sure we'd get along.

-OK.

-60% now want to marry you and everyone else wanted to snog you.

-That's better isn't it?

-Yeah, defo.

Do you think the press might take your more seriously now?

I don't think they'd recognise me, for one.

POD thinks they will recognise you

-as Bianca Gascoigne, stunning natural beauty.

-Thank you.

Here's how I achieved your new look.

Taking your hair back to its original colour brings

out your natural skin tone. This body con dress is a sophisticated and sexy

alternative to frilly girly dresses.

I suppose it's more mature and sophisticated.

Is there any chance you'll be keeping your natural look.

Not for me yet, but it's definitely something I am going to work on, I do promise that.

I hope you do work on it, Bianca, because you are a stunning natural beauty.

-Thank you.

-Goodbye.

Bye.

Look at her face.

Look at her face. You look well good.

-No, I don't, babe.

-You do, totally.

-No, I don't, don't lie.

-I'm not lying, love it.

Really?

I think she looks well cute. Love the hair, love the face.

When she came round the corner, I thought "wow".

I really like the make up, I like the whole package, actually.

-You look beautiful.

-Thank you.

Oh, Bianca looked stunning but what a shame that she couldn't see that she is a natural beauty.

We'll be catching up with her later to see if she's changed her mind.

Now, have you ever heard a beauty tip, wondered if it worked but been too afraid to try it?

Well, wonder no more, because on behalf of curious girls everywhere

I've been trying out your top tips.

We all know what it's like when we go away on holiday, it's very, very easy to get burned. Like Nigel here.

He didn't put enough sun cream on and he's gone a little bit pink.

-Is that sore?

-It is, yes.

Well, you can spend lots of money on expensive after suns,

or you can do it the natural way and put some yoghurt on.

-Do you mind if I smear some yoghurt on you, Nigel?

-No, that's fine.

How does that feel?

-Very nice.

-Soothing?

-Yes.

Well, I think we can confirm that yoghurt does soothe sunburn.

You can leave us to it now. Bye, bye.

Do you remember we met the gorgeous Becky earlier on?

She was on holiday in Magaluf and still using sun beds.

But has she kept the madeunder look,

or has she gone back to her long blonde ways?

Let's meet her now and find out.

-Hello, young lady.

-Hiya.

-Now, the hair's back.

-Yeah.

-Did you miss it?

-Yeah, I did miss it.

I really tried to be more natural and everything but I can't do it.

I completely loved your makeunder. I'm a little bit disappointed that you went back.

I tried being a bit more natural but it's seriously just not me at all.

Have you taken anything away from the makeunder?

I've started looking after my hair a bit more.

I've been going on sun beds a bit less. I've learnt that this is me,

so I'm just happy, just how I am.

I think that's a really positive thing. It's reaffirmed to you

that you are happy with who you are.

So, I am sorry, POD, the extensions are still here,

the lashes are still here but we've got a much more confident Becky.

Next up we are off to New York to meet the fabulous Andre J.

He's a man who looks like a woman but has a beard.

It shouldn't work but somehow kind of does.

The lights, the action, it's New York City! Are you ready?

# Love to love you, baby... #

Five, four, three, two, one - action.

I have always been fascinated by glamour.

Big hair, red lips, sequins, rhinestones, fur, pizzazz.

I love things that sparkle and shine.

It's a reflection of my personality.

This is the fantasy, honey.

It's 13,000.

Do I look good? Because I feel good.

When you see someone walking down the street,

please feel free to say to them, "You look good." Because they do. And so do you.

Whenever we walk in the street at least a dozen people stop him.

That camera's always trying to get Andre J.

That camera loves Andre.

And Andre J loves that camera.

The one word that you always hear walking down the street with Andre is "Wow".

-Can I get a picture with you?

-Sure.

-We love you, you're from Tyra!

Huge fan!

Taxi.

Hey, I want to show you what my New York city is. Are you ready, honey?

I love it. I'm young and single and I love to mingle, honey.

I'm not a woman, I'm not a man, I am something that you'll never understand.

I am POD, who are you?

Hi, POD, I'm Andre J.

-Nice to meet you.

-Are you a man?

-No, POD.

-Are you a bearded lady?

-No, POD.

-POD does not compute, what are you?

-What do you want to know, honey? I'll tell you.

-I want to know what is Andre J.

It's a little Cher, meets Andre J, meets Diana Ross, meets Tina Turner, meets sex appeal

but that's a whole another story.

-You know what I mean.

-Let me get this straight.

Andre J, meets Diana Ross, meets Cher, meets Tina Turner,

meets POD's worst nightmare.

Yeah.

-Andre J.

-Yes, POD.

-What are you wearing?

-Today my gift was to dress up for you and hope you

would appreciate the beauty that life has to offer, POD.

Well, I hope you kept the receipt because POD would like to send that gift back.

I think you like my outfit, POD. You are in denial.

And you are insane.

-POD, I am having so much fun. Oh, my goodness, you are blowing my mind.

-What does a person like you do?

I am a model, muse, entertainer, party promoter...

Who in POD's name hires a crazy cross dresser with a beard?

Oh, goodness, POD you have no idea.

I worked with Tyra Banks and she said to me,

"Don't you ever shave it off. Don't you ever. You keep that there. It makes you what you are."

And what's that, a gender bending, beardy weirdy?

Oh, no, POD. Andre J is love, positive energy, happy, healthy.

I could go on and on, POD, but I don't think we have enough time

for me to continue to explain about my genderless essence.

No, Andre, there will never be enough time to understand your

genderless essence.

It's all about spreading love.

-Let's talk about love.

-Let's not.

POD, I want to hug you when we're done, is that OK?

No.

-I love you.

-Well, the feeling isn't mutual.

What do you think of natural beauty?

Natural beauty to me means the essence of who you are, and I can see your natural beauty also, POD.

How nice for you. It's a pity I can't see yours.

-Oh, POD, stop it. I'm only telling you something really beautiful and magical.

-And what is that exactly?

I would like to speak to the world and tell them that they

are beautiful. I would like to find the beauty in people.

POD likes to find the beauty in people, too, their natural beauty.

That's why I love you, because that's who you are, POD,

and I appreciate that about you and I respect that about you, POD.

Really, you respect me?

Oh, I love you, POD. I think you're absolutely glorious.

If you really loved me, Andre, you'd let me make you under.

Oh, how could you ask me to do something like that, POD?

Because it's POD mission to restore the world

-to a state of natural beauty.

-That's your fantasy, POD, not mine.

It is my fantasy for you to give me some of your fakery.

What do you want, POD, what do you want? What do you want from me?

-I want your fake hair.

-POD, as much as I love you, I am not giving you anything.

Then we have nothing more to talk about.

Are you kicking me out, POD?

Correct, have you anything more to say?

# That's entertainment... #

Oh, POD off.

Do you remember the gorgeous Bianca?

POD decided she didn't need a makeunder, she just needed a tweak.

Has she kept those tweaks or has she gone back to full on glamour?

-Let's meet the lady herself and find out. Hello.

-Hello, darling.

-You look very nice today.

-I am quite cas' today, to be fair.

-I am digging the cas' look.

-Thank you.

-I don't think your makeunder

was that dramatically different but you were just totally gobsmacked.

I was totally, totally gobsmacked.

Yeah. When you see a different you, it was just a massive shock.

Is there any element of the makeunder that you liked?

I loved the dress and I've actually worn it since, out,

and I got lots of comments on it.

I have been going out without my extensions.

So, it definitely has done an improvement somewhere.

Do you intend to keep on this road to natural beauty?

I understand, obviously, that natural is better,

but I don't see myself as a natural beauty because still I don't feel that comfortable in my skin.

-But, it's definitely improved.

-Lots of positives. I think POD would be very happy.

So, good job POD. Have you got a message for her?

Just that I miss you and I want to see you again soon.

Well, POD you must have had fun today.

It's not every day you get to meet a bearded lady.

Indeed it isn't and it's not an experience I care to repeat. The bearded dimwit.

-Oh, I thought Andre was lovely.

-Whose side are you on, Frost?

Yours, of course. And I thought Becky and Bianca looked stunning.

-It's a bit late for that, Frost.

-If you're going to be like that, POD, I suggest you get some sleep.

-Fine by me.

-POD off, grumpy guts.

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