Allyson and Verena Snog Marry Avoid?

# Where are my rock stars? Where are my pop stars? # Welcome to the dark side.

# We're gonna party like a rock star... #

Welcome to another podding brilliant episode of Snog, Marry, Avoid,

the show that boldly goes where no others have gone before.

We delve into the depths of your makeup bag, take your false tan, false lashes and false hair

and zap them all into a big black hole. It's our mission to restore natural beauty to the universe.

It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it.

Bonjour, POD. 'ow are we today?

-Bonjour yourself, Frost. What's with the French?

-I'm showing our European neighbours what we are best at.

-Cricket. Queuing. Moaning.

-No, it's wearing too much makeup and far too few clothes.

-Coming up on tonight's show.

-Sexy! Whoo!

People do take a double look. They see me in a wheelchair, then look again and think, "She's sexy!"

-A Lancashire lass who needs to act her age, not her dress size.

-Cup of tea, anyone?

And someone who turns his back on the straight-laced look.

-Zut alors!

-I couldn't have said it better myself, POD.

-Ready for another culture shock?

-Mais oui.

-Bonne chance. I think you're gonna need it.

Whoo!

Hi, my name's Allyson, I'm 30 years old and I'm from Caerphilly.

I like everything that's super fake, super glamorous and super sexy.

I don't care what other people say. I've always worn tutus, fishnet tops and fancy dress.

And I just like to look a bit different, you know. I'm not a fashion follower.

If you look nice, you feel nice.

I love to have my Botox done. I think it's my priority. I couldn't live without it!

'I don't feel sexy if I've got a wrinkly forehead.'

Ah!

'I don't mind being 30, but I don't want to look 30. If I could, I'd freeze my whole face!'

-Bye!

-Take care!

-You, too!

'I like to look in the mirror and think, "Phwoar! Look at you."'

Whoo!

To the beach!

'People do take a double look when they see me in the street.'

They see me in a wheelchair, then look again and think, "She's sexy!"

Tiny tops, small skirts. I mean...

She reveals a little bit too much, I think.

Why should you have to wear bad clothes just because you're in a wheelchair?

-It would be interesting to see her dress down.

-I'll make an impression.

Maybe a bit more conservative.

'I think I'm sending out a positive message that people who are disabled are still people

'and we still look good.'

SHE WOLF WHISTLES

Sexy! Whoo!

Look, POD, I challenge you to make me look better than this.

Cos I don't think that you could.

Whooo!

-Hello, Allyson.

-Hi.

-How are you today?

-I'm all right, yeah.

Tell me when your obsession with tutus and wings and all things glittery started.

I think it started when I was in my mid-20s and I just loved them.

People stare. First they're looking because I'm in a wheelchair.

-Then they look at me because I'm just sexy.

-I think people don't expect that,

-to see somebody in a wheelchair that is openly sexual.

-Yeah.

I've had men come up to me because I looked like a good girl. Good at being bad!

You said you recently turned 30. You want to maybe tone down a bit?

When I was younger, I thought, "When I'm 30, I'll wear a certain thing."

Maybe I need some guidance to what I should... Not what I should look like,

-but to look a bit better.

-So you'll meet POD soon.

-How are you feeling about that?

-I'm hoping we might get on. I'm half-machine, might have rapport.

I don't think that's going to work.

-No?

-She's not going to be able to see past the lashes.

-Do you think?

I am POD. Who are you?

-I'm Allyson.

-Did POD get you out of bed?

Hahaha! You DID get me out of bed. How very dare you!

I thought so. Why else would you look half-dressed? More flesh on show than a butcher's window!

-Yeah, but my flesh looks good. Everyone should see it.

-The world and his wife can see that orange skin.

It's not orange! It's brown. It's not even that brown. I want to be darker or more orange!

-Can you make me more orange?

-No! But I can turn you into a perfect vision of natural beauty.

-There's no such thing as perfect, but I'm so close it scares me.

-Do you own a mirror?

-I do. Do you own a mirror?

-You look like you fell into a makeup bag.

-That's what happened!

-Well, that explains a lot.

-I think it went quite well, though.

-Incorrect.

-I thought we'd be friends, man. I'm half-machine.

-I thought we'd have a rapport.

-POD's social network is for natural beauties.

-Let yours out and I would happily accept your friend request.

-It's just your opinion.

-You're just one computer. My laptop loves me.

-I am the world's only make-under computer.

-What reaction do you get in the street?

-I often get double takes.

They see the wheelchair, then see I'm incredibly good-looking. "She's hot!"

And obviously very modest. Are you and your ego ready to hear what people in POD's poll thought?

I was born ready.

In that case, run Phase One: Public Analysis.

-POD asked the public if they would like to snog, marry or avoid you. What did they say?

-Snog.

-Why?

-Because I'm just so snoggable. I'm just...beautiful.

-And I'm a good kisser.

-There's that modesty again. Play.

I'd probably avoid this girl.

'I'd snog her. She looks easy.'

-I would avoid her. She looks like a nutcase.

-I am!

Of all the people we asked, 30% said they'd snog you.

-Right.

-But a staggering 70% said they'd avoid you.

I'd only snog 30% of the population anyway.

POD also asked if they thought you were Top Totty, Too Tarty or Totally Trashy.

Too Tarty, I think they said.

Play.

-She's too tarty.

-Too tarty.

Top totty. She seems pretty cool.

-Oh, that's sweet.

-It's a good job you're sitting down.

-60% of the public thought you were Too Tarty.

-You can't be too tarty.

Tarts are lovely in a cake shop. If you don't want to be on the shelf, natural beauty is always best.

I think I'm already a natural beauty. I just maybe need a little help.

-At last we're in agreement. Are you ready for my verdict?

-OK.

Your short skirts and revealing corsets are far too trashy.

You will have my Too Tarty to Top Totty Make-under.

-I hope you achieve what you want to achieve.

-Run the make-under!

In three, two, one...

Oh, my God.

-Look at all my hair.

-What do you think of the natural new you?

I like the makeup. The hair will take a bit of getting used to, but it's OK.

-The dress is tragic.

-POD computes you look more grown-up and very sophisticated.

-Just because I'm 30 doesn't mean I have to dress like I'm 30. A bit tighter there...

-Stop it!

-Yeah, I'm hiding my bust. You know?

-POD isn't hiding it. POD simply isn't advertising it.

Hahaha!

Before, 70% of the public wanted to avoid you. Do you want to know what they say now?

-I may as well.

-Play.

I'd marry her. She's attractive, great smile, great eyes.

'I think I'd snog her. You can't tell about marriage material.

'By her looks, definitely snog.'

-Definitely snog, maybe marry. I definitely wouldn't avoid her.

-OK.

With your new look, 90% of the public want to snog you.

-You are now a fine filly from Caerphilly.

-I'll take that as a compliment.

-Here is your data.

Hair - the shorter length shows off your toned shoulders, while flattering your features.

Makeup - soft golds and bronzes across the top of the lids makes your blue eyes stand out.

It's different.

I've never...seen myself dressed like this ever!

And I don't think I'll ever see myself dressed like this again!

POD thinks it's time we parted company, on the understanding that this was a partial success.

-Goodbye.

-Bye!

I am a bit nervous about Chris's reaction. I'm hoping that he's going to be on my side!

-Oh, wow.

-Wow?

-What are you wowing at?

-You look good!

-Really?

-Yeah!

-Are you blind?

-More sophisticated.

-Thank you. I don't look sexy in it.

-Yes, sexier, but in a more sophisticated way.

-You're mad.

-No, it suits you. It's a good look.

I think POD's done a really good job.

I think that people should have the POD experience. A lot of people get stuck in a rut with their looks

and the way they dress. My personality will never change.

You can make me under, make me over, I'm still going to be me underneath.

I thought Allyson looked gorgeous. Maybe her new look will grow on her.

First, I've been searching the country for your top tanning tips. No Katie Prices need apply.

-Don't exercise within a few hours of applying fake tan.

-It gets streaky.

-Moisturise your elbows, knees, toes and fingertips.

-Or you go orange.

Also don't use white bed sheets.

Mix a glass of vodka and lemon juice in a cup, get a cotton wool pad and then wipe it off.

Next up is somebody who wants to be taken seriously as a businesswoman.

It might help if she loses a bit of pink and gains a few clothes.

Hello. I'm Verena Twigg and I'm 32.

I do what I want, wear what I want, say what I want, whenever I want,

because I don't believe it is doing any harm to you.

Who wants to sink into the background? Love it or hate it,

there's nothing wrong with making an effort with what you look like.

Would I ever consider going to the shop wearing anything other than pink or glamorous?

Most definitely not.

Every day is a fancy dress day and I feel a lot more confident if I've got cleavage showing

and a bit of leg showing. It just makes me feel a lot more confident.

It's good to turn heads.

Cup of tea, anyone?

And when I go out for dinner, I like to really go for it. Why not? You only live once.

Hello.

-Enjoy your sausage and chips.

-Bye!

Oh, God. Life is too short and girls out there, basically, just enjoy it. Wear what you want.

It's no big deal.

Three years ago I set up my own modelling agency,

just because I am getting a little bit older and it's time to maybe keep the clothes on a little more.

In my business, there is a lot of younger girls. I love it.

It makes me feel 22. I'm not ready to feel 32.

I think POD might scream when she sees Verena!

She has a lot of work! Cheeky bloody bugger!

Whoo!

Let's party!

# I'll take you there Disco, disco, disco

# I'll take you there Let's go, let's go, let's go

# Disco, disco, disco, disco I'll take you there... #

POD, I'm happy the way I am. Just try and change me.

Mwah! Bye!

-Hello, gorgeous Verena. How are you?

-I'm really well, thank you.

-You're very bright and lovely.

-Pink to make the boys wink!

-You go out clubbing with girls who are a bit younger than you, don't you?

-I do, yes.

But you are dressing the same as these whippersnappers.

I like to be over the top, outrageous, in your face. I just want to have fun.

Do you think that there is an age when you think it's time to start dressing a bit more age-appropriate?

You could be right with that. A few of my friends have said,

"Why don't you start dressing a little bit more for your age?

-It's nearly time to go into POD. How are you feeling?

-I'm nervous because I'm going to get ripped to bits.

She might be having an off-day and actually be nice.

-I don't think so.

-Right, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now, so I'll see you on the other side.

# Isn't she

# Pretty in pink...? #

I am POD, the world's one and only personal make-under device. Who are you?

-I am Verena Twigg.

-Just because your name is Twigg, it doesn't mean you have to use wood stain.

-That's a bit cheeky, isn't it?

-Not at all. I compute your skin tone is close to knotty pine.

You are being cheeky again. I would say this is the perfect colour of tan. I've only got two layers on.

We'll get to your clothes in a minute, but two layers of tan is two layers too many.

There you go again, being cheeky.

I like to wear something that's colourful because life is dull

and if you wear brighter colours, you're in a better mood for the day.

You're like a demented cheerleader, but it's not cheered me up.

I love pink. It's my favourite colour. I think every day should have some kind of pink in it.

Pink isn't always a thing of beauty. For example...

-I know, but pigs are cute.

-They also eat their own poo.

Here's something else that's pink.

A teaspoon twice a day will stop feelings of nausea.

-Is that for the pig or is it for me?

-It's for people who have to look at you with all that fakery on.

Oh, that is an absolute insult, POD. How dare you!

POD has to be cruel to be kind.

Where have they gone?

The same place as your natural beauty - into the unknown.

POD can see you were once a naturally beautiful "Twigg-let".

That is a very natural picture. I didn't wear much make-up then.

-Why do you slap it on with a trowel now?

-It's just there's so much you can do with yourself nowadays,

so much options out there for make-up and fake tan.

-Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

-Well, I think you're wrong.

-Then why have you come before POD for a make-under?

-Because I should be acting like my age.

-So you agree that you should be acting your age, not your dress size.

-POD, you are just rude.

There's only you saying that. Thousands of other people aren't saying that.

-Only because you haven't asked them yet.

-Well, in my world, in my head, everybody likes me, yes.

-Time to find out if that's true.

-I'm ready. Give it to me.

Run phase one - public analysis.

Based on your current look, I asked the public if they would snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

I think that the public have said they want to snog me.

If you were chocolate, you'd eat yourself, Verena. Play.

I'd avoid her.

She looks a tiny bit tacky. That's all, really.

Oh, my God, that is... That is so nowhere near the truth whatsoever.

I would avoid her. She just looks a little bit too trashy for my liking.

Well, this actual dress cost a lot of money, so it's definitely not trashy.

-Verena, you were robbed.

-Avoid that. She looks a bit mannish.

Oh, my God! I've never had that one before.

-Of all the people we asked, 10% said they'd snog you.

-OK.

Nobody said they'd marry you and a massive 90% said they'd avoid you.

I really find that hard to believe. I really, really do.

POD also asked Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills if he'd snog, marry or avoid you. Play.

I would avoid like the plague just because it's all wrong.

Well, he can get lost basically because I don't know him,

so his opinion really doesn't count to me, it doesn't affect me.

-Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yes, POD.

Twiggy, you need to branch out and turn over a new leaf

with my Forrest Gump to Blooming Marvellous Make-Under.

I'm in your hands now, so I'm trusting you to make me look absolutely stunning.

POD won't let you down. Run phase two - deep cleanse.

No!

-My detectors are picking up a lot of fakery.

-My, what a big lens you've got, POD!

All the better to see those horrid hair extensions. Please remove them.

This is so embarrassing.

Now I'd like to see that Twigg get stripped back to its natural look,

so please put on your deep-cleanse uniform and get wiping.

-I'm beginning to see a marked improvement.

-We'll see, POD.

Run the make-under in three, two, one...

Oh, my God!

I actually love it.

Oh! I love it.

I don't even look like me. It's weird.

It's the all new, improved, natural you and you look stunning.

I feel like I look younger. I'm really shocked.

Wiping off all that make-up and tan has wiped away the years.

-Your skin looks more radiant.

-Thank you very much, POD.

Previously, 90% of the public wanted to avoid you. Shall we see what they said now?

I hope it's good news. I can't take any more avoiding and not marrying.

-Play.

-Marry her because she's pretty, she's nice.

-The sort of girl you'd want to snog.

-I'd snog her cos she's quite fit.

Of all the people we asked, a resounding 100% said they'd either snog or marry you.

Thank you, the British public. That's what I needed to hear.

Here is your natural beauty data.

Hair - copper-brown will make your skin tone look flawless and your eyes sparkle.

Clothes - a chiffon sleeve is a suitable way to show skin while staying sophisticated,

whilst a scoop neck is flattering on a large chest.

I am going to definitely take away a few of the tips I've learned today.

-That would be music to POD's ears, if I had any.

-Thank you very much for having me.

-Thank you for being made under. POD proclaims it's been a massive success. Goodbye, Verena.

-Bye!

# How you choose to express yourself

# It's all your own and I can tell it comes naturally... #

We are feeling really excited.

-Super-excited about seeing Verena.

-I can't wait to see what she looks like.

-She'll pull it off.

-She pulls everything off.

I've seen her in some shocking outfits and she always pulls it off.

THEY SCREAM

Hiya, babe!

What do you think?

Oh, my God, Verena!

Thank you. Cheers!

-My God, you look amazing!

-Thank you.

I think Verena should keep the fringe, definitely keep the fringe.

I think fringes make you look younger and your face look softer. I really like the fringe.

But the dress is gorgeous. Really nice.

It's not "everyday Verena". It's an aspect of her life.

It's the "office Verena".

POD, I'm happy that I've made you happy by dressing like this today,

but I can't 100% promise you that all of it is going to stay.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

If you'd rather spend money on a new frock than expensive face masks, here's how to make one at home.

You need half an avocado mashed up because that's full of potassium which is great for youthful skin,

a tablespoon of honey which kills germs because it's anti-bacterial,

a tablespoon of natural yogurt because it contains lactic acid

which is in all the expensive face creams - it's nature's exfoliant.

Right, so you mix that all up

and there you have one gorgeous, gloopy face mask.

Now for the messy bit. I have to put it all over my face.

All there is to do now is sit back and wait.

Let's see if this has worked.

So once you've got it all off, my skin feels much softer.

That is a brilliant home-made treat,

I've saved loads of money to buy a new outfit and what's left over I'll have for my tea.

Earlier on, we met the beautiful Allyson and turned her into a natural beauty.

We took away her tutus, but has she gone back to her naughty fairy ways?

-Hello, Allyson.

-Hi.

-Now, the tutus are back in town.

-Yeah.

I loved your make-under. You looked so beautiful. How did you feel?

It wasn't tight enough, it wasn't low enough and it wasn't short enough.

-What reaction did you get?

-There were quite a few people looking.

It made me feel good about myself, but I still felt a bit covered up.

-Overall, did you enjoy your make-under?

-Yeah, I enjoyed it all. It was new and interesting.

Have you got a message for the lady herself - POD?

I'd like to thank you. You've made me realise I don't want to be anything other than what I am.

So there, POD! You've been told by Allyson.

Next up is a guy who from the front looks a little bit wild and wacky,

but from the back looks rather strait-laced.

This one is not for the faint-hearted. You'll see what I mean.

# Goodbye, cruel world

# I'm off to join the circus

# Gonna be... #

I am POD.

Who are you?

-I'm Kitty, POD.

-You don't look like a cat.

-I'm not a cat. I can be a cat some days.

-Your hair tells me you should be in a circus.

Yeah, obviously, the blue hair kind of doesn't allow much leeway

with not looking like a clown.

Aside from looking like a right blue tit, what else is fake about you?

Well, I've got a fair few piercings,

big, fake eyelashes, fake nails, fake duck.

-Everything pretty much.

-Everyone has a high level of natural beauty.

-Why are you rejecting yours?

-Because I think it's a little bit more interesting and colourful.

-I bring a little bit of sparkle into people's lives.

-Incorrect.

-Have you told me everything that is fake about you?

-Yes, POD.

-POD computes you're hiding something.

-Is it my back, POD?

-What in POD's name is that thing?

-It's called a corset, POD.

No, it's called unnatural and unnecessary. Why have you done that to yourself?

It's kind of mixing clothes and art and fashion and skin and piercings and being different.

-It's being completely crazy.

-I thought you'd appreciate it, POD.

-Incorrect.

POD could never appreciate something that is so wrong and dangerous. How did it get there?

It was pierced in ring by ring and then laced up.

POD does not compute. You make it sound like a cosy needlework job,

rather than the body butchering it really was.

Oh, squeak!

You should come with a public health warning that continually flashes, "Don't try this at home!"

I've had it in before and it did grow out. I woke up and I had rings in my bed.

-So your body has rejected fakery once already.

-It's only because I was sleeping on my back, POD.

Don't you think your body was trying to tell you something?

It's no laughing matter. You're clearly obsessed with extreme body modification and that is no joke.

-I do love it, POD.

-You've walked so far down the road of fakery, you must have blisters on your feet.

-I do agree, POD.

-This makes you a fakery addict of the most extreme nature.

-A make-under could send you cold turkey.

-It would.

Therefore, you're rejected from my make-under programme

-until such time that you can give up your fakery for good.

-I'll try, POD.

I don't want to see that back back here. Goodbye, Kitty.

Bye, POD.

It was a mixed bag tonight. You win a few, lose a few.

Remind me to lose corsets from my database. I will never be able to look at another one ever!

I know. Eugh! Imagine what we'll do when they invent body-zippers.

Don't even joke about it. In fact, zip it!

Don't get your corsets in a crease. It's time for you to POD off!

Subtitles by Subtext for Red Bee Media Ltd 2011

Email [email protected]