Episode 10 Snog Marry Avoid?

Welcome to the dark side.

Welcome to another blinging episode of the show that asks

the all-important question - are you a natural beauty?

And that show is this show - Snog, Marry, Avoid?

So forget the fake tan, forsake the false eyelashes and forfeit those fake extensions.

Time to chuck them all out and embrace the naturally beautiful you.

Welcome to the fake-free world of the make-under.

Hello, POD. It feels like ages since I gazed into your beautiful purple lens.

-Well, you know what they say about absence, Jenny Frost.

-It makes the heart grow fonder?

No, it makes the room smell nicer.

No, that's incense, you twit.

If you say so. And talking about things getting up your nose, who have we got on today's show?

Ah, POD, you're in for a treat today, as all of our slap addicts - how shall I put this? -

well, they're larger than life.

Coming up on tonight's show...

We've got a six-foot Glamazon with some stand-out assets.

Big is beautiful.

We'll be meeting a geisha who will be saying sayonara to her old look.

And we'll be entering the psychedelic world of DJ Funghi.

And I'm going to show you some fungilicious energy.

It looks like I've got my work cut out for me today.

Well, you'd better get going, then.

These slap addicts won't make themselves under, you know.

Bring it on, Frost!

Hello. I'm Zara, I'm 24,

I'm six foot three, so people call me a bit of a Glamazon.

I like to look a bit tree-ish, like mahogany.

Zara is very high maintenance.

To look like me, it's really not an easy look, but I'm not just saying this because I think I'm gorgeous.

Fake hair, fake nails, fake tan, fake boobs, fake lips.

My weekends are really for me and my girls to go out and have fun.

The apartment we've got tonight, it's a penthouse one.

Can't wait, should be fun. All fun and games.

Are they done? Whoo-hoo!

Me mum actually said to me once, she was like,

"Zara, is there still anything left on your body that I gave you?"

No, not really.

Great.

Done.

Me and my girls, we get like an apartment in town.

Hello, welcome to our pad.

My mission in life is probably to party, party and party hard.

It's a good lifestyle. It's good for the girls because we all get ready in the apartments and stuff.

But it's a waste of money, to be honest.

Is there any ice?

-Anything else?

-No, that's it, thanks, Jess.

At the end of the day, some people call this the celebrity lifestyle.

Other people call it, I don't know, whatever.

I call it my lifestyle and that's obviously how I roll.

POD's definitely got a battle on her hands.

When I go out with my friends, I always have the best time because their party time is the weekend,

so they tend to go just a little bit wild.

ALL: Zara! Whooh!

# Here come the girls... #

Don't imitate, innovate.

Try and change? I don't think you can. See ya.

Well, hello, Zara, how are you today?

-All right, thank you.

-Can I just say, you're beautiful, gorgeous.

-You're like a big Glamazonian.

-Thanks.

Tell me about the attention you get walking around life like this.

Every time I walk somewhere, everyone is like...

It's like walking into a saloon. It's ridiculous.

Everyone is like, "Look at her!" But I like it, really.

Being a shy, retiring wallflower, which you obviously are...

Two boob jobs, and you want them bigger?

-Yeah, I want massive.

-How can you get bigger than this?

I want them out there, I want them really big but my mum will probably kill me and might disown me,

-so I'm not going to get them.

-You look like you're smuggling two little bald old men.

Now, how are you feeling about meeting POD?

Don't, no, I'm dreading it really bad. I hope she doesn't cut all my hair off.

What's the worst thing she could do to you?

Take me tan off because I just look like Casper.

-Apart from that, I think I'll be all right.

-Are you going to put up a fight to defend your spray tanning?

I'm ready to take POD on.

Right, beautiful Zara, queen of the Glamazonians, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now,

and I'll see you, beautiful, on the other side.

I am POD, the world's one and only make-under device. Who are you?

-Hi, POD, I'm Zara.

-Do you play for the Harlem Globetrotters?

-Who are they?

-They're basketball players.

No, I really don't.

You seem to have their basketballs stuck under your chin.

What? They aren't basketballs, they're me boobs.

How big are those boobs?

They're a 34 double J.

How far down the alphabet are you planning to go?

Maybe Z.

So you'd be known as Zara with the Z-sized knockers?

-Do those balls ever give you bother?

-Sometimes I get food stuck down there, like.

You could fit a three-course meal down that cleavage.

-Oh, you're funny, POD.

-Not as funny as your skin tone.

-I'm a beautiful colour, POD.

-Beautiful for a basketball.

-Basketball? That's orange. I'm not orange.

-POD disagrees.

Aside from your radioactive glow, what else is fake about you?

-My hair colour.

-One.

No need to count them, POD.

-My weave.

-Two.

-My eyelashes.

-Three.

-I had my lips done.

-Four.

-And a bit of Botox.

-Five.

-And my boobs.

-Six.

-And my fake tan.

-Seven.

For POD's sake, stop! Before we go into double digits,

are you not happy with what Mother Nature gave you?

Well, yeah, I'm happy with what nature gave me.

But everyone needs a little boost now and then, POD.

You've been boosted to the back of beyond.

Why have you come to POD for a makeunder?

I'd like to set POD a challenge - make me under, then I'll be a very happy girl.

POD accepts your challenge. But first we need to run phase one - public analysis.

Based on your current look, we asked the public if they would like to snog, marry or avoid you.

-What do you think they said?

-Erm...

Snog.

-Play.

-I'd definitely avoid this girl because she's orange as a baked bean.

I don't look like a baked bean.

I'd avoid this person. She looks a little bit scary.

I'd avoid her because she looks completely fake, over the top, too much on show.

In fact, of all the people we spoke to, no one said they would marry you, and 70% said they would avoid you.

I think you're lying.

I think you're in denial. POD also asked the public if they woke up next to you,

would they make love to you, make you a cuppa, make a run for it.

They'd better not have said make a run for it or else I'll be dead annoyed.

Make love to her, I'd say.

If I woke up next to her I'd make a run for it. I think that would definitely be a mistake.

I'd definitely make love to her, then I'd make her a cuppa, and then I'd probably make love to her again.

I think I'd be kind and make her a cuppa, and then make a run for it.

Of all the people we asked, 20% would actually make love to you.

Only 20%?

30% would make you a cuppa while 50% would grab their trainers and run.

Really don't know who you've been asking.

The truth hurts, and thanks to your skin tone, so does my lens.

Are you ready for my verdict?

Go easy on me, POD.

Your horrendous hair, terrible tan and blown up boobs are causing my fake detectors to go into overdrive.

So you're going to have my High Rise Horror

to Penthouse Princess makeunder.

That sounds quite good, though. I'd like to be that.

Well, not until you've scrubbed off all that slap.

Run phase two - deep cleanse.

Please put on your deep cleanse uniform.

Now, get wiping.

You could wipe that onto a fence to protect it for years.

Whatever, POD.

One of your puppies is trying to escape.

You need them on a shorter leash.

See, I just can't tame them.

-POD can see your natural beauty is beginning to shine through. Can't you?

-I really can't.

I don't know what you're looking at.

Up until five minutes ago, I didn't know what I was looking at, either.

What will you do once I give you a more naturally beautiful look?

If it looks better than my old one, I'll keep it.

POD will hold you to that. Run the makeunder, in three, two, one!

Oh, my God.

Zara, you're uncharacteristically quiet.

I like the outfit but I need some more make-up on. Where's me eyelashes, POD?

Those lashes have fluttered away to fakery heaven.

No!

I do like it. I like my hair, actually. It looks quite nice.

Previously, 70% of the public wanted to avoid you.

-Would you like to know what they said now?

-Go on, hit me with it.

-Play.

-Probably snog her.

She's not a bad-looking girl if I saw her on a night out.

-Snog.

-Good marriage material, wife material.

Marry.

Of all the people POD polled, a promising 90% said they would want to snog or marry you.

-How do you feel about that?

-I'm quite impressed about it.

And so you should be.

Here is your natural beauty data.

Hair - use a volumiser when blow drying to add body and weight

without the need for extensions.

Fashion - a buttoned blouse is a great alternative to a shirt,

and it flatters a large chest.

Choose soft harem pants to flatter long legs.

So, do you think POD passed your test?

Look at me! I look like a bit stylish.

Well done, POD.

To be fair, I had a lot of natural resources to work with...

Once I got rid of all the fakery.

-Cheers, POD, thank you very much.

-You're welcome, and thank you for challenging me.

It keeps my hard drive active. Goodbye, Zara.

Thank you, bye bye.

I'm really, really excited. I can't wait to see the natural look.

I think my girls are going to be like, "OMG!"

I'm dying!

-What do you think?

-I love it.

Do you love it? Do you love it?

-Stop laughing!

-Oh, my God.

I love it, I love it, I love it.

Have you got me a vodka?

Thank God for that.

I didn't think it was her, especially in them clothes.

You look like a completely different person.

-Actually I do look pretty good, don't I?

-Fantastic. Well done, POD.

I'm quite impressed with her, to be fair. She's done a good job. Thanks, POD.

Cheers, girls.

I thought Zara looked every inch the lady with her new look, and let's face it, there's a lot of inches.

There's one thing most of our girls have in common -

their never-ending love affair with fake tan.

But they'd better watch out, the tan police are about.

There's nothing I hate more than a girl with a lovely white dress on

and false tan marks all over it.

The worst thing I see is people with fake tan all over their hands

-and it's bright purple.

-They just look silly.

The thing I hate most is when you see false tan on clean white bedding.

Too much fake tan, that's disgusting. They look orange.

They look stupid.

Next up is a girl who's a fan of all things Japanese.

Say konnichiwa to Geisha.

Hello, I'm Geisha.

I'm a performing artist and fashion stylist.

It started off with some white make-up.

Suddenly I thought, what the hell, I'll just paint

everything, I'm going to paint my whole face. Then somebody says, "You look like a geisha,"

and I says, "OK, I'm Geisha."

I think Geisha is nearly, nearly ready.

This is Richmond Life Festival. I'm going to be doing a show here.

It's a buzz, I like it.

I'm going to sing for you a song today. It's about Humpty Dumpty.

I used to be really, really shy,

then one day I thought, "I don't care anymore what people think!"

I love all my outfits because it just like makes me feel like a superhero or something, or a cartoon.

I definitely feel animated.

My insides feel very animated, and I like to show the world, like, that animated feeling on the outside.

I'm going to show you this T-shirt, because I absolutely love it, because it says, "Break the Rules"

on it, and that's exactly what I do in art and fashion. I break the rules.

So, Geisha, this fascination with all things Japanese.

Have you been over to Japan and fell in love with the place?

Never been there.

You've never been, but you decided to turn yourself into a Geisha?

Yeah, a lot of people, they thought I went to Japan and then come back, but it's just happened this way.

It's an evolution of...something.

-Is this a Barbie dress?

-Yes.

Somewhere there is a naked Barbie, because her dress is on your head.

-Yes.

-POD's going to have a field day with you!

How do you think you'll feel when POD takes away top-to-toe Geisha-ism from Geisha?

I think I might put my face back on. We'll see what happens though!

Geisha, I'm gonna wish you good luck and I will see you without the Barbie dresses. Good luck!

I am POD.

Who are you?

I'm Geisha.

You are an 18th century Japanese courtesan?

I wouldn't quite say that, no.

-What would you say?

-Well, geisha originally meant artist, yeah?

Artist of all arts.

Are you an artist of all arts?

I could say so, yeah, I do bits and bobs of everything.

Half fashion stylist, half performing artist.

And two halves make a total mess!

What are you covered in?

Many different colours, fabrics, netting, little Barbie doll dress.

-Beads.

-Where do you find these bits and bobs?

-I like to collect things all over the place.

-In skips?

Yeah, sometimes, I could find some stuff, you might say it belongs in a skip, but I don't.

One man's junk is another Geisha's gold?

This is my insides, outside!

I would call it natural myself.

-I feel natural.

-Your insides, outside?

-Yeah.

Is that why your outfit looks like your small intestine has been exposed?

Mm. That's a little bit cruel of you.

I might cry, actually. I won't, though, POD.

How do other people react to your geisha look?

Mainly people find it fun. I want to make people smile.

And I'm sure you give some people a right good laugh!

Yeah, there's been some people.

-Shall we find out what kind of reaction your geisha style got in our poll?

-OK.

Run phase one - public analysis.

We asked the public, based on your current look, if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid you.

-What do you think they said?

-I think that they said avoid.

Let's find out. Play.

Very strange.

I would avoid. I'm sorry.

I'd avoid her.

What she's wearing is very odd.

She looks like she's escaped from the mental hospital and needs to go back ASAP.

Ooh, I wouldn't say I'm mental.

Maybe I'm slightly eccentric.

Mm. 5% of the public did actually want to lock lips with you.

Really? They want make-up all over their face then!

But a hefty 95% said they'd avoid you.

-Cool!

-We also asked if the public thought you were

a Gorgeous Geisha, a Wasabi Wannabe or a Minging Manga.

I think that they said a Gorgeous Geisha.

-Play.

-She could be a Wasabi Wannabe.

I think she's a Minging Manga.

I'd go for she's a Wasabi Wannabe.

-75% of the public thought you were a Minging Manga.

-Really? Wow.

-25% said Wasabi Wannabe.

-Uh-huh.

Sadly, no-one thought you were a Gorgeous Geisha.

Oh, that's too bad.

Are you ready for my verdict?

Yes, I would like to hear POD's verdict.

Your gruesome make up and bizarre clothes make you look like a cartoon

calamity, so you'll be redrawn, with my modern classic makeunder.

Really? So you don't think my artwork is...nice?

Well, it's certainly very...experimental.

But I can see that hiding beneath all that haberdashery is a natural beauty.

Geisha likes to move forwards.

In that case, run the makeunder, in three, two, one...

What do you think?

Very nice. It's cool. I'm going to go out tonight like this.

The dress is lovely. Great shoes.

Nice cardy.

Now we've got rid of all of that paraphernalia, POD computes you're a natural work of art.

If you say so.

Previously, 95% of the public wanted to avoid you.

-Do you want to know what they said now?

-Yes, I do.

-Play.

I'd definitely marry her. She looks very classy.

Yeah, definitely a snog.

I'd definitely snog this girl, she's got a really nice smile.

Of all the people we asked, 70% wanted to snog or marry you.

-That's cool.

-Here's how POD achieved the natural new you.

Hair - create an old school Hollywood look

with a classic up-do with soft curls at the front to flatter a slim face.

Fashion - choose shoulder pads to broaden the shoulders and to balance out a petite frame.

What do you like most about your new look?

All of it! Especially the hair.

That's because you don't have a bird's nest in it!

-I agree.

-POD loves it when a plan pays off.

-Goodbye, Geisha.

-Bye, POD.

I've gone to meet my friend Danny.

He might not even recognise me. Maybe he'll think, "Who's that?!"

-Hey!

-Hello.

-Awesome! How you doing, darling?

-You look amazing.

-Really?

Yeah! You look great.

-Cool.

-You look great, dude!

-Really changing stakes, man! Cool.

I got great hair, good make-up, nice new clothes, I think that she's absolutely fabulous!

I would definitely want to meet POD again. I mean, it was an absolutely life-changing experience.

I love you, POD. Bye-bye.

-Cheers.

-Cheers.

Wow, Geisha looked gorgeous, but will she keep her new look?

Hope so. We'll find out later.

But first, here's another cheap and cheerful beauty tip for you, and do try this at home!

Now, you wouldn't wear the same clothes day in, day out

without washing them, because that would be gross.

Well, the same should apply to your make-up brushes.

You use them every day, dip them in make-up, slap them on your face and they get full of bacteria,

and bacteria can lead to spots, so you should clean your brushes.

It's simple to do. All you need is some hot water,

some washing-up liquid, and give it a good scrub.

Once the make-up brush looks clean, make sure you have all the washing-up liquid out.

So there we have it, a nice clean make-up brush.

All you need to do is pop it on the radiator so it dries naturally

and tomorrow you'll have a brand new germ-free make-up brush.

Do you remember the gorgeous Glamazonian Zara from earlier on?

POD made her into a natural beauty.

But has she kept it up? Let's find out. Zara!

Look at you! I have never seen so little of your flesh!

-I know!

-Come and sit down.

-You look great.

-Thank you.

-Tell me about your makeunder experience.

Could you accept you are a natural beauty?

For about 20 minutes, yeah. Then I was straight on the phone, saying, I want my lashes doing,

my weave put back in, and I want a spray tan, ASAP! Sort it!

What did your friends and family think of the toned-down Zara?

My friend gasped. She'd never seen me like that before.

She was like, "Where's your hair gone?" I was like, "On the floor!"

That's where it went!

The make-up has toned down and you've only got one set of false eyelashes on?

I've just got individuals on now. I did used to wear five sets, plus individuals to stick on,

and then I would find them in the bottom of my bath!

Well, I think it's been quite a success because you've toned

the make-up down, we've lost about four sets of lashes, we've not got anywhere near as much flesh on show.

Have you a message for our POD?

Just thanks, really. I had a good time and I hope to meet you again.

Watch out, POD! Zara's gonna get you!

Next up is a colourful character who's a lot of fun...

in fact, you could say he is a fungi... get it?

I know, sorry, awful!

I am POD. Who are you?

Hello, POD. I'm Funghi.

You're a fun guy?

I can be if you want me to be.

Oh, please! What are you known as?

-The Funghi Experience.

-What does that consist of?

Anything that takes this dull world into a bit of colour, and that's what I do.

-That's where I leave my spores around.

-Don't leave your spores around here!

So, do you think you have to look ridiculous to change the world?

No, I don't think you have to look ridiculous.

But if you have it in you, then why not show it?

I don't want to see what's been inside you, DJ Funghi!

If you have a hunch on your shoulder, you have to put a bit of glitter on it.

POD has a hunch you have something on your shoulder, and it isn't glitter.

Those are little tattoos.

This is me, jumping on my mushroom.

-And this is me when I'm a malevolent creature.

-And are you a malevolent creature?

I'm somebody who enjoys life, and I'm a free spirit.

-POD computes these are all very admirable thoughts.

-OK, POD.

But your style makes you look like a demented Jack-in-the-Box!

I don't agree, POD. I feel myself free and vibrant like this.

POD computes without this fakery, you would be a natural beauty.

And what's inside would then also match the outside.

Why are you covering it up?

I am not covering it up, I am the beauty that I am from the inside, coming to the outside.

I am expressing myself in the way I feel that I have to do.

POD has heard enough. Are you ready for my verdict?

-Yes, I am, POD.

-You're firmly of the belief that you look good?

Yes, indeed, POD.

POD strongly disagrees.

OK, sorry for you, POD.

However, you seem so determined to spread your version of love and happiness

that POD would not want to get in the way of your mission.

-Thank you very much, POD.

-So therefore, POD will not be running the makeunder programme.

Aw, POD. Can I give you a mushroom, though?

-Please don't wave your little mushroom in POD's face.

-Why, POD?

Whilst POD appreciates the gesture, I would prefer it if you kept your mushroom in your trousers!

-I will.

-And since you are determined to live your life as a mushroom,

there is only one thing for it. You'll thrive better in the dark!

Thank you very much, POD.

Earlier on, we met Geisha and POD transformed her

from a wacky princess into a gorgeous natural beauty,

one of the biggest transformations we've ever had on the show. Has she kept it up?

Let's meet her and find out.

Geisha, you appear to have a moustache!

-I'm Geisha Chaplin for today.

-Of course you are. And why wouldn't you be?

Would you say it's a confidence thing that you wear this make-up all the time?

It's partially that, also I'm an artist.

I like to wear my paint on my sketchbook, or on my face.

Now, on the day, it was such a huge transformation.

Before after, it was like two completely different people.

Could you see how amazing you looked as a natural beauty?

Yeah, I liked it as well.

It was like it was somebody else.

And this is me now. That was me then.

Have you got a message for the lady herself, POD?

Thank you, POD. It was a great experience.

But I told you that I wouldn't change!

Well, POD, Geisha looked gorgeous when you finished with her.

-What happened?

-She clearly misunderstood my instructions.

I told her to keep up the good work, not to look like a complete berk.

Not every girl can carry off a moustache.

I think this one looked like a right Charlie.

I do agree with you, POD.

Well, you can't win them all.

I think it's time for you to POD off.

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