Episode 9 Snog Marry Avoid?

# Where are my rock stars? Where are my pop stars?

# We are the hipsters... #

Welcome to the dark side.

# You know we're gonna party like we're rock stars

# Boy, we put it down

# We're as good as they come... #

You know, there are lots of shows out there offering makeovers,

but only one that offers a makeunder,

and that's this one - Snog Marry Avoid?

We're the show that finds fakery wherever it is

and flings it away to reveal the natural beauty beneath,

so sit back, relax and allow yourselves to go

all natural along with our latest batch of slap addicts.

Hello, POD, how are you feeling today?

Ready to perform your usual feats of magic?

Jenny Frost, I am not Harry Potter.

What I do can be reduced to a simple scientific formula.

Ah, and what's that, then?

Too much slap plus too few clothes equals a fashion disaster.

-So what's the solution then?

-Add a little bit of common sense.

Ah, so no hocus-pocus?

I don't need a magic wand.

And there's nothing up my sleeve, so let's see who's on today's show.

Coming up, we meet someone who's in search of Coco Chanel

but is nearer to Coco the Clown.

Some of my friends would say that it's like being

with a celebrity when I'm Coco.

We meet a teaching assistant in dire need of a lesson in how to dress.

I try and show off wherever I go,

just getting a bottle of milk or walking the dog.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

And we meet someone

who's very useful to have around in case you drop the cake.

Good grief! This is going to be quite a challenge.

Oh, you can do it, POD.

You're pure magic.

And I am out of here.

She's always doing that.

Hiya, my name's Coco, I'm 22.

When the sun goes down and the moon comes up, that's when I like to play.

# Wig wam bam Gonna make you my man... #

I just love wigs. I can look so different in a different colour

or a different style of a wig.

I've got about 15 wigs now that I own that I didn't realise I had.

They've all just kind of built up.

So I come here to the wig shop, a wig warehouse, where I can get

so many wigs at cost price.

They're never too dear and a girl can never have too many wigs.

I definitely get away with more as Coco. It's like my alter ego.

# And girls They wanna have fu-un... #

I love a lot of eye shadow because it brings out my eyes.

It's more over the top and I don't look like a guy in a wig.

I love the fakery so much because it gets you more attention where you're out.

I feel that I look prettier and sexier.

# Everybody look at me, me... #

Some of my friends say it's like being with a celebrity when I'm Coco.

# Come on, everybody What you here for...? #

All the girls are like, "Oh, my God, how did you get your legs?

"Oh, my God, look at your eyelashes."

I don't like compliments when I'm out cos I do get quite a lot

and it does get quite tedious.

# Man-eater, make you work hard Make you spend hard... #

Hi, POD, I'm tranny fantastic.

How could you make me look better?

I challenge you to turn this tranny around.

ALL: Woo!

-Hello, Coco.

-Hello.

-How are you today?

-I'm very well, thank you.

-Looking very glamorous and nearly naked.

-Yeah, that's the best way.

-Is this what you'd wear for a night out?

-Definitely.

The more flesh the better.

Your make-up is amazing, by the way.

Are you obsessed with make-up?

Not obsessed but I like to wear a lot of it. I like it to stand out,

you know, and be bright and colourful.

-Can you dance in those shoes?

-Yeah, for 12 hours.

-12 hours straight.

-Straight.

So why are you going to POD today?

To see what maybe I would like.

Rather than more trashy and slutty, maybe look a wee bit sexier and more subtle.

Right, lovely, I'm going to wish you good luck in POD now

and I'll see you all demure on the other side.

Hi, I'm POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

Hiya, POD, I'm Coco.

As in hot chocolate cocoa?

Yeah, Coco-licious.

-Someone's confident.

-Of course.

-Look at me.

-Do I have a choice?

There's an awful lot of you on view.

Cos this is my style.

I like to dress minimal, slutty and trashy,

get lots of attention, and I think it looks sexy and good.

It looks wrong. How do you earn a living dressed like that?

I PR, I sell shots, I basically don't do a lot

but get paid for it and look good.

The ideal job, then, if you did look good.

What do you think your look says about you?

Er, probably that I'm slutty, trashy, good-looking, crazy, outgoing,

fit, nice body, nice legs, good sense of style, coordination, sexy heels.

Oh, yes, let's not forget the sexy heels.

But enough about what you think.

Let's see what the public have to say. Are you up for it?

Yeah, I'm a lot more rugged than I look.

Well, let's find out in Phase One, Public Analysis.

We asked the public, showing them a picture of you looking like this,

if they wanted to snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

Um...

probably not marry cos I'm hard work, not avoid because

I'm unavoidable, so I'd say snog.

Play.

I'd probably give her a shower first of all and then still avoid her.

I don't mind that they think that.

Her eyebrows come over a bit too much.

She looks a bit too masculine so, yeah, I'd have to avoid her.

I'd avoid.

Looks a bit frightening and is that a belt or a skirt?

Coco, it was a landslide result. Of all the people we spoke to,

a whopping 100% wanted to avoid you.

Really? Well, you must've been asking the wrong kind of people, POD.

We asked anyone with a pulse. We also asked Radio one DJ Scott Mills.

I think avoid, even though he's a very convincing woman.

Oh, I suppose I could take that in a good way as well.

POD computes that you have all the raw ingredients to look

like a stunning natural beauty.

I'm glad you think so.

But it might take a while.

POD's verdict is that your look is dragging you down.

It's time for my Coco The Clown to Coco Chanel Makeunder.

That sounds interesting.

I'm glad you think so, because it's time to initiate Phase Two, Deep Cleanse.

Now, strip off the stripper shoes,

that strap-on necklace, and hide those hideous hair extensions.

It's quite hard to get off.

We haven't even started yet. POD is sick of seeing all that orange.

Time to cover up.

Coco, in one word, how are you feeling?

-Ugly.

-Don't worry, this will add to your look.

Put your head garment on, please.

Happy?

Not many people look good in a turban, and sadly that includes you.

Next, those lashes, please.

Use my pads and get wiping.

Time to initiate makeunder, in three, two, one.

Wow.

Erm, it's different.

It's better. What do you think of your look?

Um, I like the hair.

It's funky, it's choppy, it's stylish, it's got a nice look to it.

And at least you can see your eyes now you've lost the clown make-up.

Yeah, I suppose they don't feel as heavy, POD.

And don't you think your outfit is much more sophisticated and pretty?

I think I look nice, sophisticated.

I don't know about pretty.

But, yeah, it's different, POD.

Well, let's see what the public think of this different new you.

We asked the public, showing them a picture of you looking like this,

if they would want to snog, marry or avoid you. Play.

I think I'd marry her.

I think she looks like nice hair, really kind of friendly face,

-stuff like that. She seems like she'd be a fun person.

-That's nice.

That's a compliment. Thank you.

I'd say, yeah, she's definitely worth a snog.

She's very pretty, she's got nice eyes, good teeth.

-Thank you.

-Yeah. No, she looks like a quite normal, nice lady.

I'd probably snog her. She's got nice eyes,

skin looks quite youthful and she has nice hair.

Now a whopping 60% of the public want to snog you

and 10% want to marry you.

Really? That's a bit of a shock.

Only for you. Have you enjoyed your makeunder, Coco?

Yes, POD, it's been very fun. Thank you very much.

Well, Mademoiselle Coco, with your new, French Riviera,

sophisticated look, it's time to say au revoir.

Au revoir.

Yeah, really nervous to see if she still looks pretty and feminine

without all the big make-up.

Oh, my God!

-We were saying, wonder if she'll be in a dress or trousers.

-I know!

-I didn't expect trousers.

-I like it though. I like the trousers.

You smell nice too!

I totally like the wig.

It's very different to Coco we know.

But your make-up's amazing.

-Yeah, I know.

-I like the eye shadow and everything cos it's dead mellow.

I like the wig, like, she chopped it all. It's proper different.

Yeah, I'm really surprised, like, how...

It is a lot more natural.

-Just a tad...

-She's brought the eyes out, the colour of my eyes.

-Yeah.

I mean, now we all know what a classy Coco looks like, so cheers.

ALL: Cheers.

Wow! Coco looked a lot less loco with that new look, but will it last? We'll find out later.

Now, I'm always keeping my eye out for the best beauty tips

and I can't wait to hear this lot.

Always get your eyelashes done professionally. Don't pull them out

as it will pull your own out and they will be bald!

If you want to make your eyelashes look longer, curl them every day

with an eyelash curler and they'll look more natural.

If you've got lots of make-up on your eyes, use petroleum jelly

and it comes off quicker.

Next up is someone who could do with a few lessons in how to dress properly.

You there at the back of the class, don't do that!

I'm Anna, I'm 19 and I'm from Wigan.

Walking down the street's a catwalk. Everywhere is. No matter where.

# Have you met Miss Jones... #

I don't dress to blend in. I dress to stand out.

Even if it's scowls and dirty looks, as long as they're looking,

I'm not bothered!

I work in a primary school.

When I go to work, the children are usually like, "Oh, I love your make-up.

"I love what you're wearing. I love your hair."

I try and show off wherever I go, whatever it is,

just getting a bottle of milk or walking the dog.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

There is a lot of hair extensions everywhere.

The dog nearly swallowed some once and nearly choked.

That wasn't good at all.

Oh, good girl!

The eyelashes are a bit much.

They're like... They could blow you away. They're just like...

flapping around and that.

I use the sun beds about three times a week.

I've got to make sure I'm nice and toasty brown for when I go out.

Everything looks so much better when you've got a tan. It really does.

Say I've not been on the sun beds for a week, I'll go to work

and someone will say to me, "Are you feeling all right?"

I'm going, "For God's sake, I've just not been on the bloody sun beds!"

You know?

# R-E-S-P-E-C-T... #

Just cos you're blonde doesn't mean you're stupid.

Just cos you're fat, it doesn't mean you're funny.

Just cos you're pale doesn't mean you've got a good personality.

You can have it all.

# R-E-S-P-E-C-T... #

-Hiya, gorgeous girl, how are you?

-All right, thank you.

Now, a little birdie tells me you are addicted to being very blonde,

false tan and big eyelashes.

Yeah, that little birdie was right. Very right, yeah.

So, on a night out, you walk in somewhere, is it all eyes on Anna?

Yeah. If it's not, then I have to go back home and get changed,

put something else on.

OK, so why are you going into POD?

I think I'm attracting the wrong type of attention.

I want people to take me seriously.

Right, I'm going to wish you luck in POD now,

and I'll see you when you're made under.

# School's out for summer... #

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-I'm Anna.

-Did you skip lessons on learning how to dress properly?

Why do you need to wear such a skimpy outfit?

I wear it so girls will look at me and think,

"Oh, I want a body like hers."

Yes, that's well worth a bout of pneumonia.

I'd rather walk into a room and everybody look at me

than walk into a room and everyone not notice.

Maybe you could use an air horn and an illuminated arrow.

Any other tricks?

If there's a male bartender, I can, like, push my boobs up on the bar

and I'll get served first.

And I pretend that I, like, forget things and forget my money

so people will buy me drinks.

Not any more, you won't, Anna.

Does it make you feel good when you do things like this?

It's good self-esteem when you walk down the street and get whistled at.

Yes, because everyone wants to be judged as an object.

But, POD, you ARE an object, so you can't talk.

Well, this object strongly objects to the idea of being judged as an object.

You're still fake, though.

-No, I'm not.

-You are, POD.

-You're faker.

-You're more plastic and metal than me.

-But you LOOK more plastic.

If you're lucky, I might set you up with my microwave.

No, thanks, I tried it once. I was hot on the outside and cold in the middle.

You haven't always looked like this. What about this little angel?

Ohh! Look at them glasses, though.

No, I like myself better now.

I've created this look.

This is like a creation.

So was Frankenstein's monster. Pay attention, Anna, because you're

about to find out what the public think in Phase One, Public Analysis.

We asked the public, showing them a picture of you looking like this,

if they would want to snog, marry or avoid you.

What do you think they said?

-I hope they said snog but I think they'll have said avoid.

-Play.

I think I'd have to avoid because she just looks quite plastic to me.

There's nothing looks real about her.

I'm not plastic.

A bit la-dee-da.

Yeah, a bit up herself a little bit, really, yeah,

so I probably wouldn't, no.

-Why not?!

-I'd avoid this girl.

She looks a bit trampy, looks like she'd be sticky if I touched her.

I don't like this Public Analysis.

In fact, 30% of the public do want to snog you.

That's very poor marks.

I probably wouldn't want to snog them.

And a whopping 70% of the public want to avoid you.

Go to the bottom of the class.

POD's verdict is that you are far too bronzed, bleached and bare for the classroom.

It's time for my Mistake to Miss Pretty Makeunder.

I think you're a bit harsh, POD.

I think you need to have a word with yourself.

I have two words and they are Deep Cleanse.

Yeah, if you can make me look better, then I'll admit... I'll say sorry.

But if you make me look worse and you make me look like a Plain Jane,

I won't be happy, POD.

I won't be at all cos I'll have wasted my time.

Ooh, this is going to be good. Initiate Phase Two, Deep Cleanse.

I hope you've got some turps.

And paint stripper. Now, get covered up.

I don't want to cover up.

Oh, how attractive.

-You look like a glamorous movie star in make-up...

-Thanks!

..or a drag queen with no wig on.

Look lively, Anna. It's time to lose those lashes, please.

Painful.

You can say that again.

Now get wiping.

I don't like this one bit.

Let's see those pads, Anna.

My mum will go mad.

Oh, Anna!

Oh, I feel naked.

You'll feel amazing in a minute because it's time for POD

to initiate makeunder, in three, two, one.

Oh, my God!

My God, look at my hair.

Oh, my POD!

-No, oh, God!

-Oh, God, POD.

Oh, God, POD.

Oh, God, it's so strange.

It's like not looking at myself when I know I am.

-It's the real you.

-Oh, wow... No, I love it.

I do love it. I really do love it.

Say you like it, then. What about the hair?

-I like this side sweep thing.

-And do you like your outfit?

No, it's nice this.

I like these shoes. I like this colour.

No, I really do like it. I do.

And my skin looks better.

POD quite agrees. Now let's see what the public think. Play.

I like a girl that doesn't doll herself up too much so I'd definitely snog her.

Ohh!

Yeah, I would snog her cos she seems like, you know...

Has a pleasant face, open face.

-Quite a nice girl.

-Hey.

I'd snog her, I think. I certainly wouldn't avoid her.

Yes, she's got a nice face, hair's quite nice.

Um, she's got a nice smile.

See, I'm going to get attention just the same.

In fact, 70% of the public want to snog you.

You go straight to the top of the class.

Oh, that's all right.

I still don't think I'd want to snog 70% of the public but, you know...

Well, it's not compulsory.

Has POD changed your mind about natural beauty?

Yeah. I do... Yeah, I needed a push.

I needed a kick up the backside, but now you've done it,

-I'm happy.

-Excellent. Full marks to POD.

-Goodbye.

-Bye!

My parents are upstairs, and my friends, waiting to see me.

It's completely different to what I've ever done before

so I really hope they like it as much as me.

I'm interested to see but I think she'll still look beautiful.

I think I'm not going to recognise her when she comes up those stairs.

Oh, my God! I look so different.

You still look beautiful, though.

You look great, love. That colour is a lot nicer.

-I feel like I'm talking to a different person.

-I know!

Yeah, I am Anna. I'm still Anna.

To Anna, we think you look really great.

-To Anna.

-To Anna!

-Yay!

Top marks for that makeunder, POD, but will she keep it up?

We'll find out later.

Now, what do you get if you mix sugar, water and lemon juice?

And it's not always lemonade.

To save you money in the salon,

here's how to make a homemade sugar wax.

All you need is one cup of sugar,

half a cup of mixed lemon juice and water, 50-50.

Pop them in a pan...

Mix them up.

Take them over to the hob.

Heat it up, keep stirring it, bring it to the boil.

So once this has boiled for 20 minutes

and it's all lovely and gloopy,

let it cool down properly so we don't burn ourselves,

cos we don't want a night in A&E,

and then we'll see if it works.

It's quite tasty too.

Now you need to get some thin cloth and cut it into strips like this.

Get your wax, which has cooled down rather nicely,

but it's still a little bit warm cos you need it to be a little bit warm for it to work properly.

Now I just put it on my leg like so.

Take one of the cloths and place it on the wax and smooth it down. Really important -

make sure you take the strip off in the opposite direction that the leg hairs grow in.

Brace yourself, Frost.

One, two, three.

That really works!

Oh, my POD - very smooth legs.

And it's all completely natural.

Brilliant.

Do you remember the fabulous Coco from earlier on,

wearing a barely-there outfit?

POD turned her into Parisian chic and she looked fabulous,

Has she kept it up or gone back to her skimpy ways?

Let's meet her and find out. Oh, Coco! Hello!

-Hello!

-How are you, sweetheart?

-I'm good, thank you.

-Sit down.

Now, you're still a brunette.

Yeah, I've kept the hair colour.

Um, I've just buffed it up a bit and made it a bit more OTT.

Before, your make-up was really bright. Turquoise, pinks, purples,

neon colours, so do you think you've learnt to wear more natural shades?

Obviously, you're still wearing quite a lot but have you toned it down a fraction?

Yeah, a bit. Just keep it quite thick but more natural colours, definitely.

Well, that's a positive.

We'll take that one. You've still got those fantastic pins out,

but you are slightly more covered.

Is this because of the makeunder or is it just because it's cold?

I suppose I decided to not show as much flesh, um...

but, yeah, it's cold as well.

-So, lovely Coco, have you got a message for our POD?

-Hiya, POD.

Thanks very much for the makeunder.

I really appreciate your comments.

I had a lot of fun but Coco's here to stay.

When it comes to some people,

the way they look is just the icing on the cake,

but with our next candidate, it's not only the icing,

it's the whole blooming birthday cake!

I am POD. Who are you?

I'm Nick Painless, POD.

Is that hyphenated? Nick Painless-Pod?

My name's Nick Painless, your name's POD, obviously.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

And what have you come as today?

I'm a scary clown.

You're scary but I'm hardly rolling in the aisles.

What's that sticking out of your arms?

That's for something we're going to do in a minute for you, just for you.

I can hardly wait.

In fact, you've got bits of metal sticking out all over.

I've got them everywhere. I've got about 28 in total, POD.

I've got 14 in my face, excluding my ears.

No, God forbid you'd include your ears. Pierced ears? The idea!

I've got some in my eyebrows,

my nose obviously, my lips, my tongue.

Is it difficult to drink with all that stuff all over your face?

No, I use a cup.

Of course. Why didn't I think of that?

Is sticking metal through your person you're only talent?

No, I also play music with my band, the Shanklin Freak Show.

Heavy metal, I guess. With your ear-splitting music and those needles sticking out

of your arms, you're life must revolve around pain.

Right, that's why I'm called Nick Painless, POD.

I've already told you, MY name is POD.

Have you ever looked like a natural beauty?

Erm, perhaps when I was younger.

You mean when you looked like this?

Yeah, when I looked like that, POD.

That was a long time ago, though.

I was about seven then.

So you don't think you're a natural beauty, then?

I am naturally beautiful but this is the way I should be.

That's why I look like it, POD.

You look more like a joke. As a clown, do you do any tricks?

I've a party trick I'd like to show you, if that's all right.

Do I have a choice?

This is called the birthday cake, POD.

Is it your birthday?

Not today, no. Is it your birthday, POD?

No, it isn't and, on the whole, I'd rather eat cake to be honest.

POD feels the need to warn you,

Nick, that what you are doing to your arms

is unnecessarily dangerous,

highly prone to infection, not to mention very distasteful.

It's not big, it's not clever, and POD isn't impressed.

-Oh...

-Nick Painless, POD has been rather put out by your gesture.

As you make your living by being a freak,

I'm going to have to reject you from my makeunder programme.

-Goodbye.

-Goodbye, POD.

Do you remember earlier

we met the beautiful teaching assistant from Wigan, Anna?

POD made her under, gave her a beautiful fringe

and took away those extensions, but has she kept it up?

Let's meet her and find out. Oh, I love your outfit!

-You look so cool!

-Thank you.

-How are you today?

-I'm all right.

-Sit down.

-I am loving this look.

-Thank you.

You look fabulous. The extensions are back.

-Yeah, they are. I couldn't get rid of them.

-And the fringe has stayed.

Yeah, it has. I do like the fringe so I thought I'd keep it.

It looks lovely. Your make-up's a lot more toned down and...

a few false lashes but not too many.

No, not as many as before.

-Is this how you dress, a bit more covered-up now?

-Yeah, I do.

I have taken that from the makeunder.

I've realised that, going out in the day, I can cover up

a little bit more and I don't need the attention as much in the day.

It's better to blend in.

I'm a little bit warmer as well when I go out.

So did you enjoy your makeunder experience?

Yeah, I loved every minute of it.

It's changed the way that I think about what I'm wearing

and the amount of make-up and effort I put in, really.

Well, I think it's been a success.

Have you got a message for our POD?

Thank you very much, POD. I really enjoyed the whole experience.

Well done, POD. Ha-ha!

Well, POD, another magical day of makeunders.

I know. I amaze myself sometimes. I really do.

However, I think I'll hang up my magic wand for the day.

Well, you've certainly earned a nice rest.

Are you ready to go in standby mode?

-Ooh, yes.

-What are the magical words?

Abracadabra? Hocus pocus?

No, don't be silly, POD. It's POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd

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