Lacy Cakes and Charlene Snog Marry Avoid?

POD, you've got your work cut out.

My name's Ellie Taylor,

and if you're fighting for the cause of fakery, then listen up,

because Snog, Marry, Avoid is on tour and we're ready to slug it out.

Our personal overhaul device, POD, has had an interface-lift

and an attitude upgrade,

and she's waging war on Britain's biggest fakers.

-How many layers of slap do you have on your mush?

-My bush?

Not your bush, your mush!

This series, no-one is safe as POD is touring the country

to seek out some style sinners.

ALARM BLARES

From Manchester to Essex, from Newcastle to Cardiff,

each week, POD is pouncing on the caked and baked.

POD, please let us in.

POD is also challenging moi to try out a few local style disasters.

SHE LAUGHS

-You want it really hard!

-You can do better than that. I know you can.

Oh! I am Wonder WAG.

This week...

I've just got the ferry across the Mersey to see

if I could see any Scousers drowning in slap and sequins.

You've guessed it, we're back in... Liverpool!

I wonder if I can spot a Rooney from here.

-Hello! It's me!

-Hello, Ellie. In you pop.

So we're in Liverpool.

Yes, and POD is keen to find out more about a Liverpool phenomenon

where people walk around in curlers and pyjamas.

That sounds awesome. Like an all-day pyjama party?

-Not awesome, Ellie, awful.

-No, no, it'd be brilliant.

Imagine me and you in our pyjamas with pillow fights

and we'd just eat ice cream and talk about boys,

like, "Harry Styles is so fit," and then we'd laugh,

and then we'd have some wine and probably cry,

because we're never going to get Harry Styles,

and it'd be really brilliant when we bond.

-No, Ellie. Go and do some work.

-OK. Sorry.

Coming up on tonight's show,

we meet a Welsh wild child who's not afraid to let it all hang out.

I like this dress because it's quite short and it shows off my boobs.

We hit the streets of Liverpool once again,

where I find out a bit more about Scouse style.

-You are wearing a pink wig.

-Yes.

POD meets some more of the city's fashionista failures.

-Those caterpillars on your face.

-Eyebrows.

And also meeting POD for a much-needed make-under

is a Scottish filly with a fake-tan fixation.

It takes me four-and-a-half hours a day to get ready, cos I am black.

POD asked me to find out why the women of Liverpool tend to wear

rollers and pyjamas outside the house.

It's time for this girl to get some answers.

I spend mostly all day getting ready.

I have my rollers in at about three in the afternoon.

A few people give you a funny look but most people are used to it.

What's going on here? You've got your rollers in!

Yeah, cos we're going out tonight.

It's better than being uncomfortable.

When you want to go shopping, you're already half done.

It is something that needs to be banned.

Some people criticise rollers, but it shows that Scouse girls

take pride in their appearance and like to make themselves look nice.

It's add a bit of character to the place.

I'm estimating 100 to 200 rollers in there. Wow.

-Have you ever gone out in rollers and pyjamas?

-No way.

You're not a Scouser unless you go out in your jammies.

When they're out on the street in pyjamas and hair rollers...

-No, definitely not.

-Not a very good advert for the city.

-Our everyday thing, isn't it?

-Loose clothes for when you're going out.

When they're walking round in their jammies,

they just look trashy, instead of like, you know, classy.

-Very fashion conscious.

-She might be getting Alzheimer's any day,

and she could start going out in her pyjamas, couldn't you, Mother?

Fancy saying that about your mother!

After speaking to half of Liverpool,

it seems that quite a few of them are a bit cross about the whole

rollers-and-pyjamas look, so I thought I'd try it out.

Great idea, Ellie(!)

-How hot do I look right now?

-Not amazingly.

Out of ten, what would you give my style today?

One, maybe two. I'm sorry.

I'd rather have flat hair than that hair.

SHE GASPS How very dare you!

First up is a daddy's girl who's got a lot of front.

In fact, some may say she's a bit of a celebri-titty.

I'm Lacy Cakes and I love to cake on the fake.

I'm 19 years old. I'm unemployed at the moment,

so I just spend a lot of time with my girlies.

Bam - I just fake every day, all day. I look amazing.

I've got fake nails, eyelashes, hair extensions, lots of piercings.

If I was the Prime Minister, I would make it a law

that everyone should have blonde hair.

I like this dress because it's quite short and it shows off my boobs.

They're not fake, they are real, 100% mine.

I like the way I look,

but I think I'm the only one who likes the way look.

My parents hate it. My friends don't like it.

I think she just wears too much make-up and tarty clothes,

and there's no need for it.

If she's confident, then it's good that she's confident

and can wear what she wears,

but it would be nice to see her a bit more covered up.

I've been searching for about a year and a half for a job.

Hiya, I just wondered if you had any jobs going.

We haven't at the moment.

I go as myself, I'm not going to pretend I'm somebody else,

and a lot of people don't like that.

-Hi, I wondered if you had any jobs going?

-Um, I'm afraid not, no.

All done.

I go out about three times a week. I love clubbing.

Drinks, drinks, drinks, drinks. Maybe a little too much drink.

I think Lacy's look's a bit tarty. She needs to glam down.

She's attracting the wrong sort of men. Cover herself up a little bit.

Go hard or go home.

I want a make-under because I'd like to find a nice guy

who doesn't just want to touch my boobs in public.

POD, I need your help.

I'm fed up of this, fed up of spending hours to get ready.

I need a job.

I'm fed up of all this unwanted male attention from sleazy men.

Please help me!

Well, Lacy seems like a very interesting girl.

In fact, there are a couple of things I'd like to talk to her about.

-Hi, Lacy.

-Oh, hello.

-Oh, that's a big one.

-I'm just going to pop my melons in your basket.

-Right.

-Shall we go and have a chat somewhere a bit more quiet?

-OK.

Is it me, or are we in some kind of Carry On film?

It's very nice to sit down.

My hands are hurting after all that melon holding.

-You must feel my pain, sister?

-Yeah, but you know what?

They're the actual things that are real

and everyone always assumes they're fake.

The fake tan's quite in your face, though.

You're kind of going towards the colour of my dress, I think.

Not a problem. I love it.

So who pays for all of this?

My daddy pays for absolutely everything.

-Are you kidding?

-No.

-How much do you think he's forked out over the years?

-Thousands, probably.

That's why I need to see POD. I need to find a job,

and I think, to get a job, I need to tone down my look,

and also, to save my dad a lot of money.

I have got a little quiz for you to try

and work out how important it really is for you to get a job.

You can either have a job in fashion PR or you can have six months

of fake tan that doesn't come off. Oh! What a choice!

-I'm going to say fake tan.

-That's the wrong answer!

It doesn't come off!

Would you like a job as a party planner,

or would you like to have permanent fake eyelashes?

-Party planner.

-OK, that's good.

-So you don't like the eyelashes that much?

-They're OK.

Would you rather be an air steward

or have an endless supply of designer heels?

Oh! Now you're asking!

Um, no, I'd go for the job this time.

Give me your best lights down the aisle.

Oh, you've totally saved my life.

All that really remains for me to say

-is all the very best of luck and POD awaits.

-Bring it on!

-I am POD, the personal overhaul device. Who are you?

-I'm Lacy Cakes.

-What are your cakes laced with?

-Cream.

How much cream?

Lots of brown, fake cream.

-Yes, POD computes you've been rolling around in mud.

-I like it.

As you don't have a job,

-POD wonders how you pay for all your ridiculous fakery.

-Daddy.

-Oh, dear. Are you a bit of a daddy's girl?

-100%.

-Is he feeding your fake addiction?

-He is.

-But he hasn't got a choice.

-We'll see about that, young lady.

-POD computes you've just met your match.

-Bring it on, POD.

If you could do any job in the world, what would it be?

Air hostess.

-And why would you like to do that?

-Cos you can still be glamorous.

POD computes that the only airline you'd work for is a no-frills one.

You'd be surprised.

-You've certainly got massive airbags.

-Basically.

-They are whoppers, aren't they?

-Yeah.

-Do they have names?

-Yes. It's Teeny and Tiny.

-What do people say about them?

-They don't say, they...they grab.

-That's not very nice.

-It's not, I can't stand it.

-Shall we find out what the general public think of your look?

-Yeah.

Run phase one, Public Analysis.

I asked the public, "Would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?"

-What do you think they said?

-Avoid.

-Let's find out.

I think I'd avoid Lacy Cakes cos she's got a bit too much make-up on,

and I prefer my girls a bit more natural.

Makes sense. I suppose.

I would avoid that girl cos she looks like a man in drag.

-Yeah, I've heard that before.

-Even with Teeny and Tiny?

Even with Teeny and Tiny.

Avoid, simply because she terrifies me.

SHE LAUGHS AND GROWLS

In fact, 100% of the public - uh, that's everyone -

said they'd avoid you.

I'm not surprised.

-It's time for a change, isn't it?

-Yeah.

Lacy Cakes, POD computes you need to be transformed from

a drastically dressed daddy's girl

into an irresistible independent woman.

-Amen to that.

-Run the Deep Cleanse.

Goodbye, fake nails.

I'll miss you.

I won't.

Urgh!

It's not that bad.

Run the make-under in three, two, one.

Do you know what? I actually like it.

I love it... I love it.

I look so different. It's ten times better than I thought it would be.

And how do you feel now Teeny and Tiny have been tucked away?

It's weird, but they're going to stay away.

-You genuinely look stunning.

-Thank you, POD.

Before, 100% of the public said they'd avoid you.

-What do you think they'll say now?

-Snog.

I would snog her, because she's definitely a looker,

someone I'd take out for a good night.

It's better than what they said before.

-It certainly couldn't be any worse.

-Yeah.

-I'd snog her.

She's pretty fit. She'd have a good night out, it'd be fun.

I would snog that girl. She looks nice. Nice hair, nice make-up.

-Very nice.

-Is it nice to hear someone being that sweet to you?

Yeah, makes a change.

So 90% of the public now want to either snog or marry you.

-Have you got time for all that snogging?

-No.

What would you say to other people thinking about having a make-under?

Do it, it's amazing. I'm so happy that I did this.

POD computes that this make-under has been a complete success.

-Thank you, Lacy. Goodbye.

-Thank you, POD.

I've just had my make-under,

and I'm about to go upstairs to meet my friend, Sian.

She's seen me like this for the first time in years.

I can't wait to see what she thinks about it.

I'm very excited. Oh, my God, I can't wait.

She's going to look so different, such a change.

-Oh, my God.

-Hello.

-Oh, my God, you look amazing.

-Do you like it?

-It looks so good.

-Oh, you like it?

-Yeah, really good. Turn around.

-Really?

-Turn around. Look at the hair. Oh, my God.

It's a bit of a shock to the system, how different she looks.

-I'm so gobsmacked. You look amazing!

-Really?

She looks so sophisticated. I really, really liked it.

Now I've had the chance to take it in, I absolutely love my look.

I think it's going to serve me well.

I'm shaking - I was so scared about what you'd look like.

-You were scared?

-I can't wait to take you out now.

Show my new girlfriend off!

One of the most valuable lessons I've learned from meeting POD

is that I don't need to wear all the make-up to look good.

I don't need to have my bits hanging out everywhere to look good.

Covering up is still sexy.

Cheers, Lace! To new beginnings.

POD, I love you!

Well, I've rocked the curlers-and-PJs look,

but what other strange sights can be spotted on the streets of Liverpool?

-ALL:

-Liverpool style is amazing.

Liverpool style is gorgeous, fabulous.

-Big eyebrows.

-Dramatic.

-Big eyelashes, lots of make-up. Heels.

-Brown.

I think Liverpool style is very feminine and very sexy.

-Tell me a bit about Scouse style.

-It's really over the top, isn't it?

-That's quite soft.

-Yeah.

-I thought it was going to be...

We take pride in what we wear. We take pride in our appearance.

I think the Scouser girls put a lot more effort

-than any girl anywhere.

-Anywhere in the UK.

-Yeah.

Liverpool style is the best in the world,

and Milan, they follow us!

Next up is a Scottish lass who works as a chef.

Now, if she were to be a dish of the day,

I'm pretty sure it would be duck a l'orange. Ha.

Hi, I'm Charlene, I'm 19, and I'm tantastic.

I live in Thurso, and I'm proud to be

northern Scotland's most-tanned woman.

Everybody in Thurso knows me, because of my tan.

-Hi.

-Hello.

Because I am black.

Might do all right in the South of France,

but it just looks a bit much in Thurso.

The only white part of my body is the soles of my feet.

We all tend to be quite pasty-white up here,

but she's a kind of Day-Glo orange sort of colour.

It takes me four-and-a-half hours a day to get ready.

I think Charlene wears too much fake tan.

I think she's much too orange-looking.

There probably is a bonny lassie underneath there somewhere,

but you've never seen it.

Everything with me is fake.

I wear four layers of foundation, my fake hair, fake eyelashes,

fake nails, chicken fillets.

All my friends always call me a Oompa-Loompa.

Going on a night out with her is just embarrassing.

I started cheffing when I was 15.

I got into cheffing because I fancied a boy,

and we've been going for four years now.

My mum, she's a bit thin for my look, she thinks it's horrible.

I think Charlene's look is totally over the top, I don't like it.

She doesn't need it. It's just disgusting.

Charlene's famous in Thurso, obviously, cos of her fake tan,

but once she gets the make-under,

I'm hoping everyone will see Charlene is a natural beauty.

POD, I want your help because I want to look different,

but you're going to have a challenge on your hands for this one.

So I'm about to meet Charlene, who is apparently

Thurso's answer to Katie Price. Let's take a look.

Charlene, I'm so glad you've got the pink sunglasses on,

because if you didn't,

I'm pretty sure you'd camouflage into this sofa.

-I know, well, I like it.

-It's a very strong colour you've gone for.

-It's not dark enough.

-It's not dark enough?

It's like an addiction, honestly, it really is.

What would you like POD to do for you? Why are you seeing POD?

Well, because my mum is like... oh, you know, in my face 24/7.

And it was her that told me go head-to-head with POD.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-So she really wants you to change your look?

-Yeah.

Have got to the stage of your life where you've had enough?

-I have, yeah.

-So I've got a few quick-fire questions for you.

-OK.

-Cooking up a culinary delight

or baking your baps till there's a fright?

-Baking your baps till there's a fright.

-Oh, really? Unbelievable.

-Greasy fry-up or greasy skin?

-Greasy skin.

-Really?

-Yeah, I hate fry-ups.

-Do you?

-With passion.

-You're a mad, mad woman.

Please, sir, can I have some more, or sorry, darling, there's the door?

-Please, sir, can I have some more?

-Amen.

-Well, the very best of luck with you.

-Thank you.

-POD awaits.

-I'm excited.

-I am POD, the personal overhaul device. Who are you?

-I'm Charlene.

-Where are you from?

-Scotland.

-Whereabouts in Scotland?

-Thurso.

Ah, home to the Dounreay nuclear power station!

That would explain your radioactive colour scheme.

-POD would like to know, what colour would you describe your skin?

-Brown.

Not orange?

Thanks(!)

POD computes you need to get that ridiculous slap off your face.

You're going to get it!

Please don't hit me, Charlene, I've got a very delicate lens.

Being a chef, it is your look inspired by the food you serve?

-What do you mean?

-For example, are you trying to look like this?

-I do not look like a burnt bit of toast.

-Are you sure about that?

-I'm positive.

-OK, well, maybe you look like the colour of this.

A burnt sausage. I do not look like a sausage.

I knew you were going to do that,

give me a jug of gravy, I do not look like gravy.

-POD is only here to help, Charlene, and, Lord knows, you need it.

-What?

Nothing!

-Shall we find out what the public thinks of your look?

-Yeah.

Run phase one, Public Analysis.

POD asked the public,

"Would you want to snog, marry, or avoid this girl?"

-What do you think they said?

-Marry.

-Marry?

-Yeah.

-Who wouldn't want to marry me?

-Let's find out.

I would avoid her, because she is a bit of a chav.

I'd definitely avoid her,

she definitely wears too much make-up,

and she looks a bit on the scruffy side for me.

They're probably scruffy themselves, how can they speak?

Avoid. The spray tan's an absolute mess. It makes her look pathetic.

It's not a spray tan, it's a mousse,

so you just tell them it's a mousse, not a spray.

POD computes that 100% of the people

we asked said they'd avoid you.

So my verdict is that, with your baked body,

you look like a reject from Hell's Kitchen.

Thanks(!)

So you're going to go from kitchen nightmare to dish of the day,

with my Michelin-starred make-under.

It's time for the Deep Cleanse.

-I'll keep my sunglasses on.

-No!

This is ridiculous.

Oh, God. I now have no hair. Now I look bald.

Get 'em off!

There we go. Done.

Run the make-under, in three, two, one.

Oh, my God!

I think I'm seeing stars.

I'm seeing a star, a star of natural beauty.

God, I can't believe how light I am. I'm shocked.

-POD computes that the only thing missing is a big stick.

-What for?

Beating off the men.

Thanks.

What's your mum going to say when she sees this look?

She's probably going to cry.

Will the public be reduced to tears when they see your new look?

Let's find out.

I would marry her, she looks nice and natural.

Aw, that's cute.

I would marry this girl. She has a nice smile,

-someone you could take home to your mum.

-That's nice.

In fact, 50% of the public now want to snog you.

That's good.

And 20% want to marry you,

which means that 70% of the public want to either snog or marry you.

-That's good. Better than the last time, anyways.

-It certainly is.

How does it feel to know that you are now a stunning natural beauty?

-It feels great. I love it.

-It's been lovely talking to you, Charlene.

-It's been lovely talking to you too, POD.

-Goodbye.

-Bye.

Just now I'm feeling really nervous, just excited as well,

but a nervous excitement. I just can't wait to see her.

I think now Charlene's had the make-under, she's going to look very different.

Oh, my God!

Oh!

My God, you look lovely.

Oh!

I knew she was going to start crying.

I'm actually speechless, seriously speechless.

I can't believe...

I didn't recognise her coming down there just now.

You look so sophisticated and businesslike and really lovely.

Look, no fake tan. Brilliant. Not one bit of fake tan.

I was actually shocked.

She rendered me speechless, and that never happens.

She was gorgeous, but she's even more gorgeous now.

-Pale is beautiful, I love it.

-Here's to your new look. Cheers.

Earlier, we met Lacy Cakes,

who had an amazing transformation in POD, but did she keep her look?

Let's have a little peek. Lacy, you look completely different.

-Definitely.

-No hair at all.

-Thank you.

It's a joke, because that's your dad. Hello, Charlie.

What do you make of this new, improved version of your daughter?

Oh, a lot better.

I really did like it when she came home,

but, as you can see, the hair is growing.

What's happened, Lacy?

I just couldn't get to grips with the short hair, I did like it,

but it'll take time to get used to, so the hair extensions are back.

But everything else is pretty much gone.

-Yeah, the nails have gone, eyelashes have gone.

-Fake tan?

-Yeah.

-Hardly any make-up.

-Your skin and face looks beautiful.

-Now I can see your eyes.

-Yeah.

-So are you happy

with this sort of slightly different version of yourself?

I'm really happy now, definitely, I'm so glad I did it.

And the clothes are more covered up as well.

-You look lovely. You look really classy.

-Oh, thank you.

-Do you prefer the look of the more covered up?

-Oh, yeah, definitely.

I prefer her looking...less make-up, less tarty, basically.

-Yeah.

-Cheers, Dad(!)

Are you a little bit happy because she won't be using your credit card?

Yeah, yeah. A lot happier.

So, Lacy, do you have a final message for POD, then?

The make-over was great, but the long hair had to come back,

but, POD, I still love you.

-Do you really love her?

-I do.

-I'm sure Charlie does.

POD's Liverpool lay-over is almost up,

but there still time for a few more home truths from the hard drive.

-You appear to have something living on your head.

-On my head?

-Those caterpillars on your face.

-Eyebrows.

This is a very sparkly top, which I like,

because it attracts the light when you walk in the room.

Ah, the deranged disco look. Bang on trend.

Who have you come as? Pocahontas?

This is my sister's. She'll be angry about that.

Who's that, Lily Savage?

We can all make fashion mistakes sometimes.

-And you've clearly made a clothing clanger today.

-Ah!

Liverpool girls are the bestest-looking girls in the world.

They're the most glamorous-looking girls in the world,

and I wouldn't change being a Liverpool girl for anything.

-POD computes that is a very pretty and flattering dress.

-Thank you.

Which makes your ridiculously long eyelashes look ridiculous.

-I'll kill you.

-Please don't kill me.

-I will, I'll kill you.

-Quick, call the fashion police!

Earlier, we met Charlene, who's gone head-to-head with POD,

but did she keep her look? Let's go and see.

-Oh, my gosh. You look amazing!

-Thanks.

-You look so different.

-I know, it's mental.

-I honestly didn't recognise you.

I thought, "Who is the girl sitting on the couch?"

That's what everybody's been like. "I didn't know it was you!"

-I can't believe what a different colour you are.

-I know.

Cos last time we met, we were on a tan sofa,

and you kind of blended in to the background.

But now we're on white sofas,

and you're more of a similar colour now.

I know. I can't believe how dark I went, like who does that?

And your outfit, and everything's all buttoned up,

-compared to everything coming out before.

-I know.

It's...weird, but I like it.

And are you happy with the sort of natural you?

Yeah. It's totally different, like, but I love it.

-Do you reckon POD's converted you, then?

-I'm never tanning again.

-Honestly, you're never going to do it again?

-Never again.

-That's a strong thing to say, Charlene.

-I know!

Wow, you really have changed.

Honestly, I actually feel so different. POD, you did good.

You got a thumbs-up! POD got a thumbs-up. I think we win, then.

-Give me a high-five. Well done. You look ace.

-Thanks.

Hello, it's me.

The wanderer returns. Come on in.

Another day, another city conquered.

So, Ellie, did you blend in with the Liverpool crowd?

I went out with the rollers and the pyjamas on,

and it was quite liberating,

because you don't care what anyone else thinks.

So you'll be adopting this look, then?

No, I would never, ever, ever go out like that...I think.

So is it mission accomplished in Liverpool?

I think it's safe to say we have put Liverpool to bed,

which means, for you, it's time to POD off.