Kiya and Adele Snog Marry Avoid?

Liverpool. Newcastle. Manchester. Cardiff.

Snog, Marry, Avoid is on tour and pitching up to a city near you.

POD, you've got your work cut out!

Our Personal Overhaul Device, otherwise known as POD has been stripped down and rebooted.

And she's waging war on Britain's biggest fakers.

If it's fake, rest assured POD will find it.

POD, let me in, I've come to talk to you.

This week, we're back in the place where heels are high and white

and the local lingo is legendary.

Oh, my God! Shut up! Well jel! Reem!

That's right, we're in...Essex.

Hiya, POD.

-Hello, Ellie, in you pop.

-Thank you.

Hello, POD, welcome to my homeland of Essex.

And what is Essex famous for?

Well, I like to think of it as the lady garden of England.

If it's a garden, it's got quite a lot of plastic furniture in it.

The girls look like this.

"Oh, God, I'm SO happy."

Exactly, which brings me to your mission today.

Please hit the streets of Essex

and find out why it's addicted to cosmetic surgery.

-Do I have to have a boob job?

-No need to blow up your baubles, Ellie, just do your best.

Totes, not a worry, babes. All over it, 100%.

Coming up on tonight's show we meet a pole dancing primadonna

with a passion for posing.

I do like it when I walk into a room

and everyone turns round and looks at me.

We hit the streets of Chelmsford once again where I find out more about Essex style.

-Do you like it when girls have fake boobs?

-Yeah.

-No hanging around, just, "Yeah!"

-Yeah, they do, they look good fake boobs.

-The bigger the better?

Bigger the better.

POD meets some more of the city's fashion fiascos.

You look like you've had a bit of work done.

Eyelash extensions.

In true Essex style, I get a bit lippy!

-What do you think?

-Oh, wow!

And also meeting POD for a wash and brush up

is a daringly dressed doll from Derby.

They're very tiny...I can't breathe!

Essex style - fake tan, fake boobs, white stilettos.

-Fake hair.

-Fake eyelashes.

Sunbeds, boys have them just as much as girls, to be fair.

Plastic surgery is very big around here.

You'll see a lot of girls with very fake boobs.

-Fake boobs.

-Fake boobies! Wooo!

-Do you like it when girls have fake boobs?

-Yeah.

-No hanging around, just, "Yeah!" The bigger the better?

-The bigger the better.

Looking orange is very Essex.

Fake tan by the lorry load.

I feel like a ghost going out, generally, most nights.

-BOTH:

-Lips are popular in Essex.

Trout pout.

Like a fish. Trout fish.

Have you ever kissed a girl who's had fillers in her lips?

-Probably, most probably, yeah.

-Most probably! "I've kissed 'em all!"

Everything goes down in this place.

It's all fake round here, mate, definitely, yeah.

First up is a girl who's an insurance broker.

But will POD compute that her brains are no compensation for her fakery?

Hi, my name's Kiya Jacobs and I'm 21 years old

and I'm an apprentice insurance broker at the moment.

I'm doing Accounts at college, as well.

I do like it when I walk into a room and everyone turns round and looks at me.

My style is really big hair, big eyelashes,

lots of stuff on my nails.

Boobs pushed up. Definitely bum out all the time.

Pole dancing, it's amazing.

I love it so much I've got a pole in my front room.

I've been with my boyfriend for six years now.

I think she's really outrageous.

It's a nightmare cos she'll have me brushing her extensions out

and combing them and straightening them and helping her wash and dry them.

I really hope my dad never watches this.

Some of my friends hate my look. They do not like it.

They would appreciate me to wear no extensions, no eyelashes and cover up a bit more.

I just hate the fact that she doesn't know that she's pretty naturally.

The hair extensions, the eyelashes, all the make-up that she puts on.

Gorgeous.

She just doesn't need it.

Come on, girls, let's go get drunk!

-She's just one big piece of hair, isn't she?

-Yeah!

-Not someone you can forget.

-No!

I want a make-under cos I think it would help with my career.

If I was to stay in insurance broking or go into accounts,

I think they would be looking for a more professional look,

rather than a fake look.

I really hope that POD makes Kiya see that she's naturally beautiful.

Good luck with this, POD, cos you've got a whole lot to sort out with this hair and these outfits.

Well, Kiya proves you can never judge a book by its cover,

so I'm off to meet her to get the full story.

-So, Kiya, do you come here often?

-Well, you know, every night.

Only joking! No, I've never been here before.

-But you're quite a big fan of pole dancing.

-Yeah.

Oh, that was pretty!

Cos your day job is a little bit different to being a pole dancer.

Yeah, at the minute, I'm an apprentice insurance broker

and I do accountancy at college as well.

See, when I think of accountants

I think of little speccy dudes in ties...

I do actually have some like zebra-print glasses...

-See, even that's too funky for it!

-I know, yeah.

So what are you hoping you learn from POD, then?

I think it's come to a time where I want to be more professional

and progress with my career,

and I don't think I'll be able to do it very well looking like this!

Well, I've got as little quiz here

just to do a quick test on your mental arithmetic.

-Are you ready?

-I am. It's probably not going to be any good, though.

58 x 1000 + 8?

58,008.

And what happens if you turn that round on a calculator?

-It says BOOBS!

-Ha-ha, I was going to say I don't know.

Well, all the very best of luck

and all that it remains for me to say is, POD awaits.

Oh, POD is going to need a lot of luck to sort all this out.

-I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-My name is Kiya.

-Kiya?

-Yes, POD?

-Is that a yeti on your head?

Erm, no, it's actually some amazing hair extensions.

Amazing hair extensions that you stole off a yeti?

-No, they're actually better than a yeti.

-Better than a yeti?

-Yeah!

-Where did you get all that hair?

-Off eBay.

Could you not have bought yourself some clothes at the same time?

This is actually quite covered up, I think.

How do you usually dress on a night out?

Bum out, legs out, boobs out.

-POD presumes you're a stripper.

-No!

-My career goal is to one day be a successful accountant.

-Really?!

Really, POD.

Why does an intelligent girl want to look like a stripper with a yeti on her head?

I think it looks good.

I actually think that all accountants should have to dress like this.

Hmm, shall we find out what the public think about your look?

-SIGHING:

-Yes, POD.

Run Phase One, Public Analysis.

I asked the general public would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl.

What do you think they said?

-I think they probably said avoid...

-Correct.

I would avoid because I prefer natural beauty

and she looks too fake for me.

-It's not really that bad though, is it, POD?

-It is quite bad.

-OK, POD.

I would avoid this girl. Little bit too fake.

I need...I like the natural look.

I'm thinking people are starting to like the natural look these days.

-Seems to be a theme emerging.

-I'd avoid this girl.

-She looks far too fake, and she looks a bit nasty.

-I'm not nasty!

-No, you're certainly not.

-Definitely not, POD.

-But your look is.

-In fact, 80% of the public want to avoid you.

-That's not that bad...

-20% do want to snog you.

-Oh, that's...no-one wanted to marry me?!

-No-one.

-Oh...that's not very good, is it?

-Affirmative.

And are you ready to hear POD's verdict on your look, Kiya?

I am, POD.

POD computes that you are a yeti-haired slap addict

and you need my...

-OK, pod.

-Are you ready to proceed to stage two?

-I'm ready, POD.

It looks like you've got a massive beard. Hair extensions, please...

I think that's them all out now, POD, and I look awful.

Hold them up... You look like a cheerleader for fakery.

I am the cheerleader of fakery, POD.

-Lose the lashes.

-This is emotional, POD.

More like EMULSIONAL, with all that war paint..

-Look at the colour of that!

-Sorry, POD.

Run the make-under...

Oh, my God.

What?!

I look really strange. I look a different person.

I do actually quite like it.

-POD computes you have delighted my data banks.

-Thank you.

How does it feel to see yourself as a stunning natural beauty?

I think it feels very different seeing myself like this, POD.

I feel more grown up, really!

-Shall we find out what the general public think of your look?

-Yes, OK, then, POD.

I would snog her cos she looks professional,

well-presented and articulate.

-That's a nice comment.

-It's true, as well, isn't it?

-Oh, thank you.

I'd probably snog but I might even marry, cos she's pretty hot, to be honest.

Wow, I can't complain about that, can I, POD?

I think I'd snog her.

She has a little cheekiness about her that sort of draws me in.

SHE LAUGHS

Kiya, all those comments, how does it feel to be a natural beauty?

It feels really good, POD.

-In fact, 80% of the public now want to snog you.

-Oh, wow, no avoids then!

And 20% want to marry you.

Oh, that's good, POD.

Which means 100% of the public now want to snog you or marry you.

That's really good, POD.

POD computes you now look lovely and like an A1 accountant.

Thank you, POD.

Now we've toned down the tartiness, you look bang on the money.

-Goodbye, Kiya.

-Bye!

I feel quite good about my new look. It's quite sophisticated.

I'm very excited to see my friends and my boyfriend.

I can't wait to see their reactions.

We're just here waiting for Kiya to see her make-under.

We're all buzzing!

-I'm excited.

-I'm excited. I'm REALLY excited to see her.

Yeah, I can't wait to see her.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

I can't believe it.

I think POD did an amazing job.

It's even better than I thought it was going to be.

She looks absolutely amazing.

I've never seen her naturally before, so, yes, she looked gorgeous.

You'll never, ever make that hair big!

My boyfriend was very shocked.

She looked absolutely amazing.

I was gobsmacked, I was lost for words.

She looked so beautiful and I've never seen her like that.

POD's done amazing.

It was such a nice surprise.

Thank you for sorting me out, POD, you've made me look much more sophisticated,

so now hopefully I'll have a successful career.

Here's to my new look.

ALL: Cheers!

POD set me the challenge of finding out why surgery reigns supreme in Essex.

I think it's only right I have my own little procedure done,

non-surgical, of course.

Let's see what Chelmsford makes of these.

# Pump up the volume, pump up the volume... #

What do you make of this?

Ooh, wow!

I think they're way too big for your face.

-What do you think?

-SHE LAUGHS

You look like a blow-up doll.

-What do you reckon of these?

-Quite bulbous.

-Bulbous is never a positive words, is it?

-It doesn't look nice.

-I wouldn't want to kiss you.

-No, I wouldn't want to snog you.

Do you think you would kiss someone with lips like this?

-Maybe for money, but not just for the fun.

-How much?

A couple of hundred quid at least.

-We haven't got that in petty cash, that's never going to work.

-Oh!

-ESSEX ACCENT:

-Then I met Peter in the jungle and then we fell in love.

And then we sold a story

and, er...then we got divorced.

If anyone is going to know a trout pout, it's this lot.

-Which is more appealing?

-I think the trout.

-Would you rather snog the trout?

-Yeah, with them lips, yeah.

Now it's time to see what POD reckons.

Oh, dear, get in here now.

Guess what I had done.

Oh, my, POD! What have you done to your face?

-Just a little bit of enhancement.

-Can you move your mouth?

-Not really.

Then POD suggests it's time to lose the lips.

I think that's an excellent idea because I can't actually talk properly.

I'll see you later. Bye.

Next up is a fancy dresser who loves turning heads on a night out,

which means she'll probably turn POD's stomach, if POD had a stomach.

Hi, I'm Adele from Derby and I'm a Princess of fantasy fashion.

# Let me be your fantasy... #

I'm a trained fashion designer

and I like my dressing up, my fancy dress.

I like all my corsets and my PVC.

It's very tiny, I can't breathe.

Some of my outfits are risque. Hot pants.

A little sailor outfit, sexy Santa outfits.

This is one of my favourite little leather tops.

I'm a firm believer in stockings.

I do have a shoe fetish.

These are one of my favourite pairs

because they're shiny and really, really high.

Things on me that are fake would be

obviously my hair colour,

my nails, false eyelashes.

I've got a fake tan on. I've had my teeth bleached.

My piercings, obviously I wasn't born with them.

Awesome, I'm ready now for a really big night out.

I think Adele should go and see POD,

cos it will dramatically change her life.

And she'll see a different side of herself

and it will do her the world of good.

I'm a little bit nervous what POD might say,

I guess, but I'm sure I've heard worse.

Pod, I'm really looking forward to meeting you.

POD's got her work cut out with this girl.

Well, Adele certainly likes experimenting with her wardrobe.

I wonder what she'll be dressed as today.

-Ahoy, there, sailor.

-Hello.

-Is this a sailory outfit?

-Um...

-There's actually little bunnies on it.

-A bunny girl outfit, yeah.

-It's a Paul Daniels outfit.

-It's magic.

So, when you go out, you dress for attention, I'm guessing?

No, actually. I would say I dress more what I want to wear

and it's not my fault that people give me attention.

-Like, the hair is quite wide.

-And big, yeah.

My hair pretty much is influenced by David Bowie from Labyrinth.

Never had that answer before.

If you're so happy with the look that you have

and you enjoy it so much,

why on earth are you coming in to get berated by POD?

Because I would like to see what I would look like as a natural beauty.

Do you think the natural look is the one thing you haven't experimented with yet?

Yeah, it's been a long time

since I wasn't wearing something a little bit odd.

Good luck, Adele, POD awaits.

I cannot wait.

Hi, I'm POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

-I'm Adele from Derby, hello, POD.

-Adele?

-Yes, POD.

Why are you dressed like a scary, synchronised swimmer?

I like my hot pants and my little crop tops.

-So you're not a synchronised swimmer?

-No, I'm not.

Because it looks like you've drowned your sense of style.

I don't think so. I'm quite happy with my style.

I think it's quirky and fun, POD.

So you fancy yourself as a fancy dresser, then?

I would wear fancy dress every day if I could.

If you had to dress as a celeb, who would it be?

-I would probably do Lady Gaga.

-With a meat dress?

No, I wouldn't wear a meat dress, POD.

Because there's a kebab shop around the corner.

You could slip into a slinky, little shish number.

-would you like that, pod?

-Absolutely not.

ADELE LAUGHS

Adele, I asked the public would you want to snog,

marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

-Oh, I'd like to say snog.

-Incorrect. Are you ready to hear what they said?

I'm very ready for it, baby, give it me.

I would avoid her because I think she looks quite intimidating.

She'd probably break me.

I hear that on a regular basis.

So, that's quite funny, OK.

I'd probably avoid, she looks a bit trampy.

SHE LAUGHS

Oh, OK, that's not so good.

Avoid her because she looks a bit like a dominatrix.

It's not really my vibe.

A dominatrix. Well, I do have a friend that's a dominatrix,

but it's not something I've ever done.

In fact, 100% of the public, every single person we asked,

said that they'd avoid you.

Oh, that's fantastic.

Adele, POD computers that you are a fake,

fancy dressed fright for sore eyes, and you need:

I think you're a prudish, over-opinionated Dalek.

-SHE LAUGHS:

-So, we're equal, right?

Not quite, Adele, because only one of us

is about to embark on a de-faking make-under.

It's time to run the deep cleanse.

# That's why the Lady is a Tramp. #

ADELE LAUGHS

They're a right pair of clod hoppers.

-They're good for trampling on men with.

-As long as it's not computers.

# It's ermine and pearls...

# Don't dish the dirt with the rest of the girls... #

-How's that?

-Much better.

Get it all off.

POD can see that underneath you've got lovely, fresh skin.

Thank you very much, POD.

Run the make under in three, two, one.

Oh, my God.

I've never seen myself look like this, at all.

It's quite a shock.

How does it feel to see yourself as a natural beauty?

I look like a librarian.

That's novel!

Oh, POD, you're fantastic.

I do love the skirt, actually. I'd never wear pink, ever.

You are indeed pretty in pink, Adele.

Shall we see what the great British public thinks about your new look?

Oh, God, go for it.

I would probably marry this girl cos she looks quite intelligent

and quite classy, to be honest.

OK, that's good. Thank you.

I would definitely marry that girl,

she looks sophisticated and classy.

She's the type of girl you could take out for a meal

-and your friends would be impressed.

-ADELE LAUGHS

OK.

-I'd snog that girl because she is attractive.

-HE LAUGHS

OK, that's good.

Previously, 100% of the public said they'd avoid you.

Now 60% of the public want to snog you

and the other 40% wants to marry you.

No way!

Really? Oh, God.

Would you please promise POD to give your new look a chance?

Yes, POD, it would be interesting to see

what people think about my new look.

Thank you for coming to see POD, Adele.

I hope you'll keep some of my "podifications" even if you do reach for the bleach.

I've always wanted to know what I look like as a brunette,

so I'm glad I had it done.

Goodbye, Adele.

Bye.

I do feel pretty scared about going to meet Nina.

I don't think she'll like it.

She'll say she likes it for my sake, so I don't cry.

I can't wait to see her now, to see what she looks like.

I think it'll be a big shock to her, but she will like it in the end.

And there's always a dye in a bottle if she doesn't like it.

Oh, my God!

Wow! You look completely different.

Do you like it?

-No.

-No, you don't like the outfit? Is it a complete shock to you?

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

It definitely looks a very dramatic change. Although it is different,

it's nice to see her looking different.

Do I look older?

You do look a bit older. It does look nice.

-I hate the word "nice!"

-THEY LAUGH

Unfortunately, POD, I do think you failed on this occasion.

I knew you had your work cut out and I think you have failed.

My message to POD would be you most certainly haven't won this one,

and this is what I think of this!

Oh, yeah! Big hair DEFINITELY wins.

Earlier, we met insurance broker Kiya,

who was spending a premium on all of her fakery.

But has she kept her more natural make-under?

-Kind of!

-Sort of!

-KIYA LAUGHS

-A bit like that. Tell me what's different about you.

What's different is I've not got any fake nails on, so that's a start.

My hair has gone down dramatically.

I've just got a couple of extensions in at the moment, and I'm all covered up.

That's progress, but...

the eyelashes are STILL pretty intense.

I'm just addicted to them. I can't help it!

Compared to me, I think this is quite natural.

But you're making progress by cutting down.

I've got one pack of eyelashes on now instead of two-and-a-half or three packs.

-And do you think this is something you're going to keep up?

-Yeah, definitely.

I do think littler hair has a more professional look.

So how does the boyfriend feel now he's been put out of a job

with the hair-straightening?

Oh, I think he does like it now, but yes, he is out of a job, definitely.

So, Kiya, do you have a final message for POD?

Thank you for my make-under, POD. I really enjoyed it.

I did think that I did look naturally pretty,

but I did have to sneak a couple of my eyelashes back on.

But, overall, thank you, and good job.

There's so many eyes still!

-Take those two off - come on!

-No!

-THEY GIGGLE

Our Essex expedition is almost over,

but there's still time for a few more punters to pitch up to POD.

What word best describes you?

Hot.

Are Essex women the best looking?

Definitely, cos look at us! Woo-woo!

BOTH: Hi, POD!

We are tanned, but I wouldn't say we're very orange.

POD has been learning the lingo, and you're 'avin a giraffe!

Hi, POD!

An Essex Oompa-Loompa. Enter.

Oh, thanks!

You look like you've had a bit of work done.

I have had done my boobs...

-SIREN BLARES

-..my hair is hair extensions...

-SIREN REPEATS

-..eyelash extensions...

..HD 'brows...

teeth whitening...

fake nails...

fake tan.

POD computes that is a list of shame.

Who are YOU?

Collagen Westwood Botoxina Versace.

Earlier, we met Adele,

who told me that her style icon was David Bowie in the film Labyrinth.

So, has she kept her make-under, or gone back to a fantasy look?

Fantasy!

-Yeah, I'd say so.

-Kind of Katy Perry.

-Um...

-Rihanna?

-Maybe.

What happened?!

-I absolutely hated it.

-You hated your make-under?

-I did, yes.

Why?!

-It's just not me.

-What did you hate?

My hair, the clothes...

I just thought I looked dreadful.

So, I thought I'd go the other way and go even more mad.

Stick two fingers up at POD, basically,

-that's what you've done.

-Yes.

-I do love the red look.

Thank you.

-I like the way that you've matched your hair to your bra.

-Thank you.

-Which is quite clever.

-THEY LAUGH

What did your friends think then?

They all hated it as well.

Nina was a bit speechless. She didn't know what to say.

So have you learnt anything good from POD?

Erm, I'd say the make-up was a good experience.

-So we've got one good positive out of it?

-Yeah.

I liked the natural look.

So, Adele, have you got a final message for POD?

I have. POD, I know you're going to hate my hair, but do you know what?

I don't care!

-You've been told.

-THEY LAUGH

Hiya, POD!

-Ah, there you are, Ellie. Come on in.

-Thank you!

Lips back to normal - Essex DONE, I think, POD.

Yes, well done, Ellie. That looks much better.

It did look like you were sucking on a doughnut.

It looked awful! I'm so glad to have got rid of it.

So what do you think about the idea that Essex is addicted to cosmetic surgery?

I don't think that is entirely true.

I think there's a few people who have had a bit of work done,

but no more than anywhere else in the UK, to be honest.

Defending Essex to the last, hey, Ellie?

-It's my sisters and my brothers.

-POD's not satisfied.

In fact, I want to go and find some more stories about cosmetic surgery in Essex.

We are done! My lips said it all, I think, thank you very much.

You can POD off!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd