Jessica and Meleisha Snog Marry Avoid?

Shake it, shake it, shake it!

I'm Ellie Taylor, Snog Marry Avoid? is back on the road

and POD is taking no prisoners.

Why are you dressing like a streetwalker?

I think that's a bit cheeky, POD!

If you're brassy and your look is trashy, hold on to your lashes,

because there's nowhere to hide.

POD, the world's only makeunder computer, is on tour.

She's booting up, hacking off and firewalling the country's

most unwanted fakers.

Why do you look like an insane dolly?

Well, you're only young once!

From Birmingham to Bromley, Cardiff to Liverpool, POD's sensors

can detect the worst worshippers of all things artificial.

Families across Britain have had enough of the fakery that has

stolen their sons and daughters, their brothers and sisters.

-CHANTING:

-Down with fakery! Down with fakery!

And I've accepted POD's mission to uncover the latest phoney fads

in each city and expose their ridiculousness.

Whoo, whoo!

-If you saw me walking down the street...?

-It's ridiculous.

Let the battle against fakery commence. This is Snog Marry Avoid?

This week, we're back where girls like to take a Lambeth Walk

wearing as little as a fake tan and a smile.

And their Bristol cities are as subtle as the Shard.

Sometimes, just as pointy.

But it ain't worth getting your Alan Whickers in a twist.

Catch yourself a sherbet dab.

And join us for a butcher's at the local fakery, because POD's

sensors detect artificial overload on an epic scale.

We're back in Bromley and southeast London.

Hi, POD.

-Hello, Ellie.

-Wagwan, sister?

Er, are you feeling all right, Ellie?

I am bare good, bruv.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Nor do I, to be honest, but it's how the kids speak.

Because we're in southeast London, aren't we?

Do they look as fake as they sound?

Hmm, there's quite a lot of fakers round here.

Fair to middling, I'd say.

It sounds like we've got our work cut out.

I think you might be right. Toodles. Brap, brap!

Coming up on tonight's show -

POD meets a girl making a right exhibition of herself.

I think I am piece of art, but quite abstract.

I come face-to-face with fakery. Literally.

Do you need glasses?

Do YOU need glasses?

And we meet a lady who goes clubbing in her underwear.

It's got peepholes for your nipples and it's crotchless.

It's often said the streets of London are paved with gold,

but round here, they seem more caked in fake.

BOTH: We're in southeast London!

I see a lot of girls with very short shorts when it's snowing outside.

They're basically wearing nothing, and it's winter. Are they crazy?

Is there a lot of fakery in Bromley, in the southeast?

Yeah, there can be quite a lot of fakery.

On a Saturday night, what's a classic sort of clubbing outfit?

The highest heels you can get, lots of fake tan.

There's no need to be the colour of mahogany.

Laura...

Yes, POD?

..why aren't you orange like your friend?

I'm not orange! Don't call me orange. I'm brown!

It's brown, not orange. Look at me!

Now for a girl who's taken a trip on the Orient Express,

but there's nothing speedy about her fakery.

Hi, my name is Jessica. I'm 17, and I'm from the moon.

Erm, wait a minute, I'm not really. I'm from London!

My style is called Gyaru, but I call it gal because it's a lot shorter.

My style is straight from the streets of Japan.

Girls are known for pretty much just wearing what they want.

I think the most important thing is maybe the make-up and hair.

I think that I am a piece of art, but quite abstract.

I think Jessica's dress sense is pretty weird,

to be pretty honest with you.

When I was in school, I tried to look like other people.

And even then, no-one really liked me,

so I sort of thought, why am I trying to please everyone else?

I do worry sometimes about the attention she gets

because of the way she dresses.

My fakery is contact lenses, eyebrows, hair,

top and bottom eyelashes, contoured nose, cheeks, skin, lips.

Probably my whole face is fake.

I use the white pencil to make the arch of my nose look smaller.

I'm not sure how much it actually works.

I decided to pluck my eyebrows.

I mean, my mum nearly cried a river when I did it.

The hair's all over the place,

and it's bad enough with the dog's fur all over the place.

I started dressing up when I was 13 or 14.

I thought it could be just a phase she was going through.

I thought, probably, she'd have grown out of it by now, but she hasn't.

My look is really, really, really important to me.

I think, if I wasn't a girl, I would be a bit lost.

Hey, POD! My message for you is that it's not just my look that's crazy,

it's my personality, so you might need some paracetamol.

# Turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese... #

I'm not actually. It's Jessica.

I wonder if I can spot her in this cafe in Bromley?

Oh, yeah, I think that might be her.

-Konnichiwa, Jessica. How are you?

-I'm fine, thanks.

-You look amazing.

-Thank you.

Tell me what your look is.

Er, my look is a style from Japan called Gyaru,

and it's all about focusing on man-made things and being yourself.

When I found out about Gyaru, I found out about the oldest form

called Ganguro girls.

Ganguro style, yeah!

-MIMICS GANGNAM STYLE:

-# Do-do-do-do-do-do... #

That's different.

-JESS LAUGHS

-I tried.

-That's Korea!

OK, I've got a little quiz for you to determine

whether you're more Japanese or more British.

What do you feel like in your heart?

I think I'm a person of the world.

I think, for tax purposes,

-you probably need to anchor yourself somewhere.

-Yeah!

-Sushi or sausage and mash?

-Sushi.

-Really?

-I don't like sausages.

Geisha girl or Chelsea girl?

Just because I despise the whole Chelsea thing, geisha.

Ladylike hand fan or hot water bottle?

Hot water bottle.

I could do with one of those right now, actually!

-Right, I think the time has come for you to get into POD.

-Whoo!

Come on, let's go!

Get in there!

Hey, POD, let me in!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

Hi, my name's Jessica.

Why do you look so strange?

I love to look strange. It's great!

POD computes that you are a very pretty young girl.

Aww, thank you, POD.

So why have you made yourself look like an old-fashioned dolly

that's sort of half melted in a fire?

Oh, POD, you're so mean! Why would you say that to me?

Jessica, what's going on with your hair?

I bought a wig and I cut it myself and then I styled it.

POD computes it looks like a bird's nest.

Hey, POD, that's not exactly funny, is it?

Come on, be realistic!

What's wrong with having a couple of pheasants living in your hair?

Actually, it looks quite cute.

Perhaps they are in love.

They're in love because of my amazing hair!

I'm taking them out.

It's pheasant season, and someone could blow your head off.

-SHE LAUGHS

-Oi!

Jessica, it is now time to run your public analysis.

Oh, no!

I asked the public, would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

Erm, I think they'll want to marry me.

'I would avoid at all costs. Too much high-maintenance for me.'

Oh, what a drama queen!

'I would avoid her, because she looks like she has

'far too much make-up on and she looks a bit wacky.'

Oh, well, they're a bit boring, obviously.

'I'd avoid her as she's got a little too much make-up on.

'She looks like a clown to me.'

Aw, they're just so uncultured. Poor them.

My heart bleeds.

100% of the public we asked said they would avoid you.

Oh, no!

POD computes that you are a multi-coloured Gyaru gatecrasher

and you need my...

Hmm, that was pretty creative. I'll give you that one, POD.

Well, thanks. It is now time to run the deep cleanse.

Whoo-hoo!

Amazing! I can see your head.

Now, please put on your deep cleanse uniform

and hand over those eyelashes.

My babies!

-You can do it, Jessica.

-I can do it.

OK, Jessica, finally, remove all your make-up with the wipes.

They look like used napkins after an Indian takeaway.

Damn.

Run the makeunder in...

No!

Have a good look, Jessica.

Seriously?

POD computes you now look like a stunning natural beauty,

and your hair does not look like there are things living in it.

It looks horrible.

How do you feel about this look?

I think the look is nice, but it would look nice on someone else.

You look so pretty.

But it's not me. I don't feel comfortable.

Previously, when I asked the public what they thought about your look,

what did they say?

They wanted to avoid me, and I was happy about that.

What do you think they said this time?

Marry?

Let's see.

OK, POD.

'I would snog her, because she's not too over-the-top

'and she dresses really well.'

If they say so.

'I would marry her because she's quite natural and very pretty.'

Aw, aren't they adorable?

'I'd snog her, because she doesn't have too much make-up on,

'she's quite natural-looking, she seems like a nice girl.'

In fact, 40% of the public now want to marry you.

And the other 60% want to snog you.

That means you've gone from 100% avoid to 100% snog or marry.

Hmm. I see.

Jessica, POD computes that even though you hate this look,

-you look utterly stunning.

-Aw, thank you, POD.

How do you feel about showing this look to your friends and family?

I feel OK about it.

Initiate Podwalk.

The Podwalk has been beamed into a Bromley bar.

What will Jessica's friends and family think

of her radical new look?

It feels like a new experience and pretty exciting all in one,

so it's like loads of emotions. I feel like I'm going to explode.

CHEERING

Come and say hello to your mum and dad.

I'm guessing, by your reasonably sulky face, that you DON'T like it?

I like it, but it's not really for me.

You came down like, "Hi-i-i!

"I'm here, whatever!" I think you're beautiful. You look so cute.

Mum and Dad, what are you thinking?

She looks lovely like that. I can see her natural face and natural eyes.

-She's got lovely-coloured eyes.

-Dad, do you think she looks classy?

Yeah, she looks good.

Do you think, Jessica, you're going to carry this look off?

Hmm, maybe with some major alterations.

I think you look lovely. I can't wait to see you in a few weeks.

-OK.

-See what you've created.

POD computes Jessica has been transformed from a fake

Japanese artwork to a genuine priceless masterpiece.

It's a bit of shock all at once, cos it's, like, a whole thing.

There's nothing about me before that's there any more.

I think Jessica's look is very nice. The outfit suits her.

It shows off her good features.

She does like the actual haircut,

but whether she keeps the colour, we'll see.

The girls and boys of southeast London take their look so seriously

they want it reflected on their mush.

These cheeky geeks have fakery on their face.

Girls in southeast London kind of do that geek-chic look when they go out.

I've seen a lot of the geek-chic glasses at the moment,

with no glass in them.

Geek-chic glasses. I've only just heard of them,

but I think they sound really cool.

Hiya, POD!

Ellie, this is an emergency recall.

My sensors detect gross misuse of eyewear,

and I need you to investigate.

Oh, like the Deirdre Barlow ones?

"Ken, stop having affairs. You're 109!"

Yes, exactly. They look awful.

What exactly do they look like?

Ooh!

Blimey, they are pretty strong. I feel something coming over me.

I feel exactly like I need to go to the chartered accountants' meeting.

Very interesting lecture on fiscal policy ahoy. Bye!

I wanted a really cool accessory.

I was going to get a baby, but I just want the glasses.

What kind of person do you think would wear glasses like these?

Random attention seekers, probably.

-If you saw me walking down the street...?

-It was ridiculous.

-Just out and out ridiculous?

-Out and out ridiculous.

Do you need glasses?

Do YOU need glasses?

No, I don't see them, because of my glasses.

I don't know if you noticed, I'm wearing glasses.

If I put these on, what do you think of them?

Quite attractive.

-What's attractive?

-They suit you.

-Do they?

-Yeah.

-It brings attention to...

-To what? Tell me.

-I think it's your eyes.

-Is it?

-It brings attention to your eyes.

-They look like moons.

-Like moons?

When you look into them, you can see the ocean.

-And the moon?

-Yeah.

-You need to work on your chat up. You started well!

That is so retro and vintage.

It just really speaks to me about the modern era

and also the future, but mostly the past.

-These are really big in Hoxton right now.

-Oh, really?

-Yeah, totally.

I think it just suggests I'm very studious.

-The bigger the better.

-Do you reckon?

I think they are stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. I love them.

-Are you kidding?

-Honestly, I love them!

Let's go and push up our glasses together.

Next up, it's time to dump the fakery

and meet a brassy broad who prefers the naked truth.

Hi, I'm Meleisha. I'm 23, and I am from Huddersfield.

I work as an electrician at a waste plant.

I do feel quite boyish, as I blend in with the rest of the lads.

It's not very feminine, is it?

It's definitely a total contrast to how I look at work and me going out.

Sometimes, I do think I look a bit naked, but, you know,

if you've got it, flaunt it.

I would say I dress like this so that I feel more girly.

I love shopping and, at the moment,

it seems I like a lot of skimpy clothing.

Sometimes, things are a little bit short.

She shows a little bit too much.

We were in town yesterday, and she bought a very short little skirt.

She had it on, and I were like, "Ugh!"

My most outrageous outfit is an all-in-one bodysuit.

It's actually underwear.

It's got peepholes for your nipples and it's crotchless.

I feel confident because what I'm wearing is like a statement of me.

The attention she gets when she's out with me, it's quite overt.

There's lots of wolf whistles and men ogling her and stuff like that.

When I go out in an outfit like this, my grandma would say,

"Meleisha, are you not wearing a coat?"

If I saw Meleisha with a makeunder, I would probably cry, because

I think it would look so stunning as she is a stunning girl.

See ya!

I work hard, party harder.

On a night out, I'm always on the dance floor.

A few drinks, it's all about the music, all about my friends

and having a good time.

At the end of the night,

I probably am the last person on the dance floor.

And when we go onto the street, we'll have a little boogie.

POD, I might work in waste,

but I'm not going to waste this body by covering it up.

Bring it on, POD!

I'm meeting Meleisha in a local cafe for a drink.

The thing is, I feel a bit overdressed.

So what's your look now? How would you describe it?

My look is very revealing,

quite sexy, a bit funky.

So it's like a lacy curtain with some bits cut out?

With a lot of bits cut out.

-So you'd go out like this of an evening?

-Yes.

-Wow!

Do you think maybe you find it a little bit tricky to dress

in a way you think is sexy and attractive but isn't underwear?

THEY LAUGH

To put it bluntly.

If I wear certain tops, my boobs just look really funny

because they're so big.

Yeah, all right, no need to boast!

So if you're so happy with the way that you look and your style,

why are you going into POD?

I want to see if POD can make me cover up a bit more

but still be sexy.

What is the worst thing she could do?

-Put me in a turtleneck.

-THEY LAUGH

I don't think anyone's worn a turtleneck since 1997,

-so I think you're safe.

-Hope so!

-Are you ready to go and see POD?

-Yeah.

-Come on, follow me!

Right, get in there.

Let me in, POD!

I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?

I'm Meleisha.

Meleisha Beacon?

As in Meleisha, Meleisha.

POD computes you need time to finish getting dressed.

I'm finished!

I'd quite like to see your eyes, please.

Ta-da!

Don't look now, but some spiders are attacking your face.

Oh, my God, no!

Oh, no, they are fake eyelashes.

Meleisha, POD would like to know why a stunning,

pretty girl is dressing like a streetwalker?

-SHE LAUGHS

-I think that's a bit cheeky, POD!

Young lady, I can see your pum-pum and your puppies!

No, you can't. I have underwear on.

What do you think about natural beauty?

I am quite natural, POD.

As natural to naked as you could be.

I'm talking about natural beauty, NOT being a naturalist!

Hmm.

What attracted you to this extreme look?

-The fact that I can pull it off, maybe?

-So, it's ego?

No, I don't have a big ego.

Can you tell POD what your look says to other people?

I think it says I am quite confident, that I dare to bare.

I'm a little bit crazy, maybe.

Shall we hear what the general public think about this look?

Oh, go on.

I asked the public - would you want to snog, marry or avoid this girl?

What do you think they said?

Snog.

Would you like to hear some of their comments?

Go ahead.

I'd avoid her because she's a bit eccentric and a bit outrageous.

Hmm, yeah, choice of opinion, who cares?

I'd avoid her, cos she has too much make-up on, she looks like a clown.

Ahhh! I don't think so.

I would avoid her because she wears too much make-up

and she needs a good clean-up.

SHE CHUCKLES

Yeah, whatever.

Meleisha, 100% of the public want to avoid you.

POD computes that you are a club-crazed calamity

who's exposing herself to the extreme.

You need my Flesh Flashy Strumpet to Sophisticated Stunner Makeunder.

Bit harsh.

It is now time to run the Deep Cleanse.

SUSPENSEFUL HUMMING

I would like you to remove all your accessories,

starting with those ridiculously high shoes.

OK, off with those disco balls.

Please remove all of your make-up.

Hold up that wipe.

Let's see how much is on it.

Not much.

Oh, Meleisha, really?

Run the makeunder in three, two, one...

Oh, my God!

I like the dress.

What do you love about the dress?

It's still quite funky.

POD computes that you may be covered up,

but with this dress you're still sexy.

Oh, nice shoes.

I really like the clothes.

I am not really liking my hair.

It's a bit old school.

Has POD proved to you

that you don't have to wear a crotchless catsuit to look sexy?

Yes, POD, you have proved a bit of a point.

Previously, I asked the public

if they would like to snog, marry or avoid you.

They all said avoid.

Oh, yeah.

This time, I asked them the same question

after showing them a picture of you looking like this.

I would snog her cos she's got cute eyes and I like her dress.

Cute eyes.

I would definitely snog her

cos she looks fresh and natural and beautiful.

Thanks, but you should want to marry me.

I'd snog her because she's a very attractive person

and she looks very fun to be with.

Ahh, good comment.

In fact, 90% of the public now want to snog you

and the rest want to marry you.

I think you've done a good job, POD.

Thank you, Meleisha. Goodbye.

See ya.

Initiate Podwalk.

I just want to go on the stage

and strip my stuff and show them what I've got.

-You look amazing!

-Thank you!

Mum, what do you reckon? Have you got a sophisticated daughter?

She looks beautiful, this is what I'd like to see

and I think hopefully Meleisha might adopt some of this

and take it forward with her, cos it really makes her look fantastic.

-Do you like it?

-I do.

-Your figure looks knockout, but it's covered up!

Do you think, from now on, you'll go out with a few more clothes on?

-Maybe.

-Maybe?

We can only try so far.

Well done, you look fab.

-Well done!

-Thank you.

CHEERING

POD computes Meleisha has gone from bare-cheek flasher

to subtle but sexy smasher.

Meleisha's new look is so stunning now,

and I've got my daughter back

and I just think that she'll turn a lot more heads now.

It's amazing.

It's very sophisticated.

We really like it.

The experience has shown me that I can cover up and still look sexy

and feel very feminine.

CHEERING

Some cool cats in southeast London

are scratching at the doors of fakery.

Hello, POD!

One false nail and the claws are out.

A stiletto nail is the one that points.

They look like claws, cat claws.

Look!

They're properly funked up.

Do you like the flowers, POD?

No, I think they're disgusting.

It looks like you've had a boxing match with a rainbow.

SHE LAUGHS

I think they're a health hazard and they should be banned,

there should be restrictions on wearing them.

-You don't think it's quite aggressive and scary?

-It is...

Like you have little tiny knives.

POD computes those nails are messing with my sensors,

there's too much going on.

Jessica dressed as a Japanese work of art

while Meleisha didn't really dress at all.

They both left POD looking absolutely stunning...

..but did they keep their look?

No and no!

Meleisha, I'll start with you. My, how your hair has grown!

Rapunzel...

THEY LAUGH

I know it's still wig right now.

Obviously, it's not your natural hair,

but it's a lot more natural-looking.

-A bit more sophisticated, isn't it?

-It is.

Well, we've got rid of the red hair, that's a start.

You look much more natural and you have far more clothes on

than when I first saw you.

So I think you're a partial success.

Do you think you learnt anything?

Like, do you feel more confident, do you feel less confident?

I just feel that will benefit me by wearing more clothes

and not going out like...a bit of a tart.

That's quite big for you,

when you used to go out in this sort of underwear.

-Just had a good experience with POD, it was good fun.

-Yes.

On to you, Miss Jessica.

-You haven't got a wig on, but you have purple hair.

-Yeah!

Jess, how long did it take before the Japanese look came back?

It lasted...a day.

So it's safe to say you didn't really like the makeunder.

I can see why people would wear it, cos it's quite trendy

and I know a lot of people like to be on a trend,

but it wasn't for me.

Why do you think it's so important for you to stand out?

Cos you like to be unique,

you always talk about not conforming and all of these things.

Why should you have to wear something,

kind of look a certain way, just so people will like you?

Surely, people will not be so superficial.

So if you felt all of that, which I think is brilliant,

why did you come to see POD in the first place?

Cos I wanted to see what it's like for someone else styling me

and just, you know, have, like, a new experience.

You don't really get many experiences like this,

so it's sort of a special one.

Yeah, it'll stay close to me.

Jess, thank you very much.

I'm sure I'll be finding glitter all over myself for days to come.

Hi, POD!

Hi, Ellie. How did your investigation into geek chic glasses go?

I think it is a little bit silly.

To be honest though, I think I would do that,

not with such big glasses, but I reckon I would maybe do it.

As ever, I'm worried about you soaking up the fakery.

Well, stop setting me awesome challenges then.

Ellie, you need to get back out there and quash this ridiculous trend.

I'm afraid I can't. My friend Nigel the accountant is very keen

to show me his collection of abacuses, so you can POD off.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd