Episode 2 Staying In with Greg and Russell

This programme contains some

It's BBC Three's brand-new chat show,

it's bonkers Dizzee Rascal...

Saturday, Rochelle Humes...

And funny man Johnny Vegas.

Welcome to Staying In. Dizzee, what an honour to have you on the show.

No, Greg, you shook the fist!

That's a violation, brother.

Sorry. He shook the fist. I'm sorry,

Nice to meet you, Johnny. Cheers. And also, Rochelle, welcome.

..people think that's such an obvious joke they're not laughing.

fridge has genuinely broken.

A glass of champers for you.

Do I look like that kind of girl?

Johnny, we tried to get some

Well, it was one of the first drinks

and you could buy in draught,

you know, in a pop bottle. Draught?

There's something about sherry more

what it is about the sherry!

Walking around with this? Yes. "It makes the fat man thin!"

It's a bit of an old lady's drink,

I drank a gallon of that earlier, as research, and now I've got the runs.

What is your favourite drink?

I order pineapple mixed with

I'll just check the fridge(!)

you've recently had a baby.

Cheers to that. I can drink again. A lot of my friends are dropping,

types of mums - the mums that never

And the mum that goes, "He's two

Are you somewhere in between? Are you getting nights off?

I freak out unless it's my mum or my mother-in-law looking after her,

I sort of freak out with anyone

She's like, "Rochelle, I did go

a newborn baby where I think the

They've got the soft bit in the

You're not holding my baby.

We wanted to show a picture

but we got one. It is a cute

Listen, I'm into sex games,

He's a friend of ours, right?

I've got friends. I don't do that with them! Yeah. The joke is,

so he'd come over and the joke is

It's the next natural step, really.

Marvin. Yeah. He's at home.

Dizzee, do you babysit? Are you a good babysitter? Not really, no.

If you left me with the kids,

I'll tell you something quite inspiring, for a lot of the ladies,

is how Marvin found you quite hot when you were up the duff. A lot of

"You won't fancy me when I'm pregnant!" He just said it cos the

cos we've got a gorgeous picture

I met my wife, and she googled me and that popped up, and she's like,

She still calls him Will 1am.

He's a bit of a legend. He is.

I've been in the studio with him

but we didn't finish the song.

He comes in, "Yeah, when I produce,

"I don't like to be one of those

and he went to another room.

where we started and where we are.

Dizzee, one of your first jobs was

Oh, yeah, yeah. My mum used to get

and I had to stay up all night

putting letters in envelopes.

It was like labouring. It was crap.

Johnny, what were some of your first jobs? I had a few. I worked in Argos

And there'd be people downstairs,

It's a fucking extension lead!

Sit anywhere you like. Take a seat.

Ohh! Take a seat wherever you like. It swings a bit. There you go.

Deckchairs are a good look for me.

I'm not going to instagram it now.

Can you get a picture of us three?

I'll photo-bomb in the background. Wait there. Go on the swing, Johnny.

Right now, um, I quite like

I listened to her album recently. She's great. A wicked album.

but I'd just like to sit down

I've been on a plane with him and heard a few stories. Have you?

What about the guys in the headlines this week? Kanye West - would you ever want to collaborate with him?

He's crazy to watch on interviews.

Did you hear his interview this week?

He did it with Radio One...

And he said, the quote was, "I'm the biggest rock star on the planet."

I know Michael Buble was very upset.

I don't know, I've never seen him

You're making some cool videos

but me and Greg just wondered why...

we were cut from the final version.

Let's have a look at the uncut version. I think we nailed it.

# Every day's a never-ending summer

# 160 blink and miss me super nifty

# Effortlessly power steering accurately ready for action

# Actually, your men are relaxed

# Not taking no goddamn back chat

# No ring, no chain, no fat chaps I don't get no sleep, no cat naps

# Everybody wanna be on my black

you always lording it up like that?

Now, Diz, we couldn't help but notice in that video you were absolutely

incredible at throwing a pineapple over your head into a bucket.

Dizzee, come on, you've got to have a go. Come on, Diz.

ALL: Dizzee! Dizzee! Dizzee!

I don't want to shatter nobody's

but you know, in reality, I threw it behind my head and they shot that...

When it came to actually doing it, I actually got to stand there

Dizzee kills camera man with

See, Johnny, this is the life, right? This is quality. Quality time.

I've fished for years - all my life.

We've got one. Mind the magic of...

That is the bra that, one day,

So, you weren't always that adept at handling a bra, were you?

They would send me in. I'd go over,

once the girls were all laughing

all my mates would swarm in

"Hey, so I see you've met" and go.

sort of my work here is done.

So, you were like a Trojan horse

I bided my time. Greg, is there

floating in the river behind you?

Hold that a sec cos it looks gross.

I had a pet rabbit called Blackie.

Had it been alive, we'd have done

..turned up and wiggled his nose,

and I would have known that people

Cos I was going to school one day

"Whose rabbit's going in the pot?"

And I thought he was joking

And I come home from school...

and I went, "Dad, where's Blackie."

Somebody must be in trouble.

head and he'd been skinned.

And my dad had fucking killed him

But he did save me the paws

in a bag to play with, and the tail.

And I took them into school

And she opened the bag and she went,

"Christ almighty, it's like having

And they rang home and they went,

"Do you know your child's got bits of an animal carcass?"

I'm so sorry I brought it up.

Greg, what did you tune this into?

I'm here with Dizzee Rascal,

you're no stranger to pirate radio.

you and I are quite similar.

Some of mine were, too, to be fair.

You must have enjoyed doing

I was still in school, so when I first started I'd go and do it.

I'd have the... One in the morning

in the morning, and then go to

like, "Oh, did you hear it?"

But then I'd work my way up to

if you hadn't got into music?

What were your other passions

I... Honestly, you know what?

I didn't really have too many

other than maybe athletics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I liked training

We heard you're quite good. I'll have a little go, yeah.

Do you want to punch me in the face? Punch me in the face. Punch me.

Don't punch Greg. Oh, don't.

What would you come out to?

Oh, that's a good question.

Don't you...? You like that song,

It's connected. Let's do this.

Yes, of course. You've got a question to ask him. I have.

Dizzee, can you hear us on the line?

Dress it up, why don't you?

"Can we just see some statements,

I have your First Direct statement?"

I'm just going to turn on the high

What's the biggest thing you

This year, I haven't bought anything too big. I'm stacking for next year.

Who have we got on the line? Peter.

Yes, Liverpool in the house.

What's the most embarrassing thing

..on Instagram like virals people

and then I thought, "Why don't I find the time I fell off stage."

And I'm giving everyone permission to go and look at it now and have a

good laugh cos that's definitely the most embarrassing thing that

I was DJing, as well and that was the talk of the night. It was ridiculous.

My arms were like a cartwheel.

introducing my new song at the time.

And everything was all popping off.

It was all great and I didn't see

for some reason, even though

And I was like, "Yeah", gone.

Can I have your permission to show it to the nation. Go through, man.

Do you want a hand with that wire?

Have you got a question for Dizzee? I have, yeah. Hello, is that Dizzee?

Oh, you really want an answer? Yeah.

compost of a bone meal mix?

You sound like you've got all

What's your favourite karaoke song?

go for I Will Survive. Nope.

The best karaoke song ever,

This is where all the magic happens.

Rochelle, you're a new mum.

Greg and I are going to attempt

sleep by reading you a story.

In this story there are some blanks

Based on the knowledge you have of each other from tonight's show.

Once upon a time there lived

were in a band called the Saturdays.

They were called Rochelle...

..Maggie Philbin, Chris Tarrant

Rochelle met a hilarious beast

Noel Edmonds was in the Saturdays.

way more hilarious than her husband,

he's ever done, which is...?

Is it something on stage you normally wouldn't do on stage?

Genuinely, I was doing a gig.

I had a guy come in reviewing me

"Are you the comedy reviewer?"

"No, I normally do the pet shows."

I went, "Are you kidding?" He went,

a joke I squeezed out the tiniest...

The Beast asked Beauty to marry him

They lived happily ever after.

Thanks very much for staying

We'll have more amazing guests coming over simply to stay in.

out it's the wonderful Dizzee Rascal.

You all discovered my name is

# All I do is flex, I don't need

# All I want is sex, I don't need a

# Fly out on a jet, I don't need a

# Every day's a never ending summer

Come on! Let's see them hands.

# Super nifty, riding swiftly

# Rolling through the sticks

# Leather extra crispy, effortlessly

# Power steering, accurately, ready

# No ring, no chain, no fat chaps

# With these hoes, macking, and

# Fly out on a jet, I don't need a

# Every day's a never-ending summer

# God bless me, nobody can't test me

# stay on the ball like Messi

# Money and women are the only

# Life is a game of chess, and all

# How much do you want to bet me

# That I never ever let a female

# I ain't gotta talk no more

# Cos soon as I walk in the door

# Everybody stops doing what they're

# Don't know what they're pausing

calling for, been balling for

# I got the flow and I've got the

# And, this ain't a slow jam, ready to rock and I'm ready to roll,

# Never gonna get caught slipping never gonna get caught tripping

# Never too soft on the women

# If it ever gets too hot in the

# I ain't gonna stand there

# All I do is flex, I don't need

# All I want is sex, I don't need a

# Fly out on a jet, I don't need a

# Every day's a never ending summer

# International, flex and go

# When I'm at home, I stay low

# Yo, lay in the cut, they can't see

# And I'm living it up, they can't

# Get on the mic, I get easy dough

# Keep on fronting, like you don't

# Get around the town, you better

# I'll leave you breathing slow

# Overstand, cos I ain't even

# I'll leave you drowning from head

# I play for keeps, you better know

# All I do is flex, I don't need

# All I want is sex, I don't need a

# Fly out on a jet, I don't need a

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd