Boss's Son That Puppet Game Show

TOILET FLUSHES Oh, awkward.

Hello! Hey, Gabby Logan, Kevin Bridges. Hi. Hi.

How are you doing? All right. Great. How are you? Not bad.

Thanks for coming on t' show. You looking forward to t' games?

BOTH: Excited. Oh, good.

Do you want a little sharpener? Bit of Dutch courage?

Not for me. Thanks.

Don't worry. There's no urine tests on this competition.

Really? I had to provide a sample. Me, as well.

They were for my own private collection.

Kevin, you should consider cutting down on the asparagus.

Do all the guests on the show have to provide a urine sample?

Oh, he only asked for a urine sample?

That's progress. Oh, don't worry.

It'll be brilliant out there! See you out there.

HE HUMS Boom, here we go, Dougie!

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to...

That Puppet Game Show...

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

..with our experts...

Dr Strabismus...

Amber O'Neill...

Miss Jemima Taptackle...

Eddie Watts...

Jake Hamilton-Jones...

and The Amazing Ian...

with our contestants Kevin Bridges and Gabby Logan.

It's time for...

Please, welcome your host Dougie Colon.

CHEERING Hey, hey, hey! Here we go.

Saturday night. Hello, you lot. Oh, yes.

There's nowt else on, it's just us.

Hello, hello and welcome to That Puppet Game Show.

Here's how the show works.

Two top celebrities go head-to-head

over a series of rounds, each masterminded by one of our experts.

They'll be spun and twisted and put through the mangle

but all in a bid to win ?10,000 for a charity of their choice.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome

queen of sports Gabby Logan

and Scottish rib-tickler Kevin Bridges.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Oh, hello, hello, hello. Hey! Not too hard. Oh, careful.

A firm handshake, mate. A firm handshake all the way from Glasgow.

Now, Gabby, you're looking lovely.

Thank you very much. So are you. I love the diamante.

Oh, thanks very much. You know, a little bit of sparkle.

Yeah. Something like that. A bit for the ladies.

You used to be a gymnast,

you're married to a rugby player and your dad were a footballer. Yeah.

So I'm guessing a competitive streak runs in your blood. I know.

It's kind of hard to suppress it, really.

I find myself...even with my kids, I find it hard to let them win.

Do you get angry with them?

Like, do you toss the Monopoly board up?

"Oh, you stupid kids! You've beaten me again."

Not quite. Not quite.

No, cos they're only seven so they're not actually beating me yet.

No. So...!

Kevin Bridges.

Now, you, do you consider yourself one of life's winners or losers?

I would say I consider myself a winner

but I'm probably a loser, I would say.

LAUGHTER I'm quite competitive when it comes to game shows.

I watch Countdown on Channel 4.

Then I watch it again on Channel 4+1 so I can get the conundrum.

Oh! Nice one!

It's only cheating myself but it's a small victory.

It's great talking to you both.

Coming up, we'll be playing these fantastic games

by our amazing experts,

Each one unique and individual to that expert's specialist subject...

Oh, Amber, remember it's Mom's birthday this weekend. Again?!

What is it with that woman?

This is, like, getting to be a yearly thing with her!

Yeah, it's real crazy.

Nancy, Nancy, have you heard?

Udders McGhee is bringing his son to the studio.

Oh, the boss's son?

That kid's a nightmare!

Why? Udders asks him about everything.

He turned that cake show into

The Great Underwater Shark Tank Bake Off.

And if he can do that to a perfectly good show...

Imagine what he can do to ours!

Perhaps we're being punished.

Do you think we all did something terrible in a past life?

Don't ask me. You're the one who came back as an armadillo.

You're right.

Right, round one, now we've got to get on.

Let's find out which expert we'll be meeting first

in our competition for that ?10,000 charity prize.

CHEERING

Mental agility expert, The Amazing Ian.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome, Ian. Hey, Co-lon.

It's pronounced "cologne."

Sure it is(!) It's spelt colon.

Oh, I love this guy! So, what are we playing tonight, Ian?

Tonight, we will be playing Nosey Neighbour.

CHEERING

Oh! Ah!

For this round, I have built a garden in the studio.

And in this garden,

Hot Dogs are recreating how they spend their days off -

relaxing and enjoying the warm, toasty glow of the studio lights.

Gabby and Kevin are with me behind the garden fence.

Say hello, Gabby. Hi!

There's Gabby!

Say hello, Kevin. Come on out! Hi.

LAUGHTER All right.

Now, I will ask Gabby and Kevin a series of questions

based on what is happening in the Hot Dog garden.

Whoever gets the most correct answers will win two points.

And it's all for charity so don't stop bouncing.

Are you ready, Gabby?

Yes! Are you ready, Kevin?

Hell yeah. OK. Here we go.

How many sunflowers are growing in the garden?

Gabby? Three.

Correct. The Hot Dog wearing a red headband is using what is a racket?

Gabby? A frying pan.

Correct! I haven't seen this much bouncing

since Tom Cruise went on Oprah.

All right, what's landed on the roof of the garden shed?

GABBY'S BUZZER A butterfly.

Correct. The Hot Dog relaxing in the deckchair is enjoying which pastime?

Gabby. Reading.

Correct. Can I check if my buzzer's working?

Go on, try it.

BUZZER DINGS Yes, it is working.

You just haven't been first! All right, here we go.

The topiary bush is in the shape of which musical instrument?

Gabby?

A guitar. That was very quick

but you're right.

OK. What colour dress is the Hot Dog with an ice cream wearing?

Kevin? Pink.

Pink, correct. Yes!

How many Hot Dogs are wearing wigs?

Gabby? Three.

Wrong. Kevin? Eh...two.

Correct. Yes!

Looking good, guys.

We're only a tenth of the way through. Just kidding...!

Hello? Yes, I'd like to vote the armadillo off, please.

LAUGHTER What do you mean, that's not how it works?

The Hot Dog wearing headphones has a slogan on his T-shirt.

What's the first word?

Kevin? Bangers.

That's correct.

Here comes the last question.

The Hot Dogs enjoying the picnic are holding what?

Kevin? Is it coffee cups?

Correct!

Step up to the front. Come on.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

At the end of Nosey Neighbours,

Gabby has answered the most questions correct,

which means, Gabby, you win the round.

Oh, thank you. CHEERING

Thank you for playing Nosey Neighbours.

Well, a winning start there from Gabby

so let's go over to our fab crab for t' scores. It's Clyde!

Hi, boys and girls. It's time for some number fun with Uncle Clyde.

Yugga-yugga-yugga-yugga. Clyde, what on earth is going on?

Well, apparently someone in management thinks

I don't connect enough with our younger demographic.

This is your idea of a solution?

You bet you, Mr Dougie. The scores are...

Mr Kevin has none. Aw-w!

But Miss Gabby has two! Yay! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The amazing world of Clyde, ladies and gentlemen.

'Now Gabby, I don't know if you...'

Nancy, I've brought in the new creative head of my corporation

to look at the show today.

Oh, OK. I heard you were bringing your son in.

He is my son. Oh.

We need the eyes of youth around here.

You and I can remember

back when Elton John was bald and married to a woman.

HE LAUGHS Good times. Eh, Nancy?

I'm only 12 months older than Amber.

Yes, you need a sense of humour when you get to our age.

I'm telling you, this kid knows what the young people want.

I want taramasalata and tortilla chips.

Ah, there he is!

And I see you've got your father's good looks.

Shut up, orange face.

Oh, and not a little bit of his charm. Eh?

Josh, I want concrete ideas on every aspect of the production

by the time I get back from the jewellers.

I'm having a new cowbell fitted. All right.

Don't be long, papa. This lot look weird.

Oh, we're not weird. We're just different,

Like the cast of Glee.

And don't be afraid to crack the whip, Joshy...

literally.

UDDERS AND JOSH LAUGH

THE OTHERS JOIN IN

I don't know why we're laughing.

Neither do I but I'm not going to be the first to stop.

Stop!

Yes, I am funny, aren't I? Ciao.

Right, you lot, first things first, this show needs more peril.

The celebrities should be wired up to the mains

and get an electric shock every time they get something wrong.

Why don't we just shoot 'em in the head?(!)

Oh, now, that's better.

Well done, Gabby, though. You were off to a winning start.

I know. I had a flying start. But Kevin got back into it,

towards the end there.

Gabby, do remind me never to move next door to you

cos all me secrets would be out! Wouldn't they?

If you air your dirty laundry, they will, Dougie.

Well, I like to parade around in me underwear

and put the sprinkler on.

I won't want to live next door to you, then!

Former gymnast against stand-up on a trampoline.

The odds were against you. Weren't they, Kevin?

Do you own a trampoline? Have I what?

ENGLISH ACCENT: Do you own a trampoline?

Oh, look at that! Brilliant.

Now, why don't you do that all day?

CONTINUES ACCENT: Just in case you have any more difficulties,

I'll just do the whole show like this. Oh, look at that!

He's brilliant.

Anyway, on to round two in our hunt for the charity cash.

Let's see who we've got next.

APPLAUSE

Nature expert Jake Hamilton-Jones.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Welcome, Jake, our resident explorer.

Now, Jake, with mobile phones and the internet,

is there anywhere on earth

where you can really be away from civilisation?

Well, I haven't been there for a while

but Norfolk might be worth a shot.

Hey, nice one!

What game are you presenting tonight?

Tonight, Dougie, we will be playing Bird Droppings.

CHEERING

Ah, g'day, Kevin, g'day, Gabby.

Hello. Quick pop quiz for you guys -

you're being chased by a brown bear, what's your best course of action?

Run up a tree.

Oh, common mistake, my friend.

The correct answer is shoot it with a bazooka.

LAUGHTER Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up!

That Puppet Game Show does not endorse

the shooting of bears with bazookas.

They're inaccurate and take a long time to reload.

Now, in each of these trees there lives a bird

with three distinct bird calls.

Listen carefully,

cos you'll need to remember which sound comes from which bird.

Now, in tree number one, over here, we've got a tropical bird.

Let's listen to her first call.

Bup-de-diddly-de-de,

bup-de-diddly-de-de.

Now, the second.

SHE WHISTLES

And her third call.

Ah! Ah!

Ah, just like paradise.

And over here in this mighty oak lives a bird of prey.

Let's hear her calls.

Eh-ya. E-e-eh-ya!

Second?

Poo-hoo, poo-hoo.

And now, the bird of prey's fearsome final call.

Rah, rah, rah.

Quite fearsome indeed.

Now, over here, in tree number three,

lives your typical Essex bird.

Let's hear her mysterious sounds.

Mwa-ah.

Oh, stunning. Your next one?

Ca-caw, ca-caw.

And the final call of the Essex bird.

All right, babes.

LAUGHTER

How can you not love that beautiful creature?

Now then, these birds are timid little beasts but watch this -

if you return their call,

they'll reveal themselves and lay an egg for you,

just like this.

Ca-caw, ca-caw!

Ca-caw, ca-caw.

Ah!

So, you've got to remember which tree the call came from,

run there with your bucket,

then repeat the call and make the bird lay its egg.

Whoever gets the most will be the winner

and two points will be added to the score.

So Kevin, you go off backstage. See you later, Kev.

Gabby, grab your bucket and get into position.

Your time starts in three,

two,

one. Go!

Mwa-ah!

Quick quick, love.

Mwa-ah, mwa-ah.

Mwa-ah!

Oh, no!

Oh, that one's not going to make it back.

Bup-de-diddly-de-de, bup-de-diddly-de-de.

Bup-de-diddly-de-de,

Bup-de-diddly-de-de. Bup-de-diddly-de-de.

CHEERING Great crowd.

WHISTLING

Quick, love, not that much time.

SHE MIMICS THE WHISTLE

CHEERING

There you go.

Now you're going. Poo-hoo, poo-hoo.

Poo-hoo, poo-hoo.

AUDIENCE: No! Poo-hoo. Oh!

Oh! Poor little fella. Ca-caw, ca-caw!

Ca-caw, ca-caw, ca-caw.

CHEERING

Love, got him! Great one.

Al right, babes.

You all right, babes?

Here!

Yeah! Two in a row, love. Keep going!

BUZZER SOUNDS

You've got to love a Sheila who knows how to handle a bucket.

All right, Gabby, come on over here, love.

Why don't we count them up and see how you did. OK.

One. That's one.

Two. Two.

Three. Pretty good so far.

Four.

Oh, that's it. Four eggs? Yeah.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh, that's not too bad.

Yeah? OK. Thanks.

Come on out here, Kevin.

Thank you.

Cheers, Gabby.

Are you ready to tame the beasts? I'm ready to tame the beasts.

Take your bucket over there

and I'm going to dive back into the bush.

All right. See you there.

Good luck.

All right - you ready, Kevin? Good to go, mate.

Your time begins in three, two, one...

Go!

Ca-caw, ca-caw!

Ca-caw, ca-caw!

Oh. Aw!

Keep trying, mate.

Bup-de-diddly-de-de!

Bup-de-diddly-de-de! Bup-de-diddly-de-de!

Bup-de-diddly-de-de!

Oh, ho-ho! Oh! Right tree, but you missed it.

Eh-ya! Eh-ya!

Pick up the pace, Kevin!

Eh-ya! Eh-ya!

Eh-ya!

Yeah. There you go, right in the bucket.

All right, babes?

All right, babes?

That was a bit EastEnders - here we go.

BIRD WHISTLES

Eh...ooh-ee-ooh-ee-eh-ooh!

Good grab.

Ca-caw, ca-caw!

KLAXON BLARES

Just ran out of time, there.

OK. All right, come on over here, Kevin.

Not much luck with the birds.

I'm not being racist, but they all sound the same to me.

BIRDS CAW ANGRILY

I think you've offended some of the birds, Kevin.

Sorry. All right, no worries.

Let's get Gabby back in over here. Come on in, love.

If you remember, Gabby got four eggs,

so you'll need five or more to beat her.

Let's see how you did.

I'm in position. One egg.

That's one.

Two eggs. Two...

Third egg and the final egg, so... By my count, you got three eggs.

That makes Gabby our winner.

Gabby, two points will be added to your score, love.

Thank you very much.

It's over to Clyde to see how that's affected the scores.

Hello, Clyde!

Yo, yo, yo! It's Clizzard in the house.

What to do, nephew? Boom-ting!

Em, eh...I'm not entirely sure what you're talking about.

It turns out I was skewing too young, so now I'm getting my teen-speak on.

Boom-ting!

I'm not booming anyone's ting. The scores, please, Clyde.

HIP-HOP INTRO STARTS

Here we go...

# Gabby started out with an early lead

# When it comes to a charity, that girl's got greed

# Round Two, she beat him down like she did before

# Kevin's got nothing and Gabby's got four. #

What?

APPLAUSE IN THE BACKGROUND

Yes...what that last game needs is vampires. Sexy vampires.

What, like in Twilight?

No, don't be ridiculous. REAL vampires.

Oh, that's a great idea,

but the problem is we'd only be able to shoot at night

and then there's the whole THEY DON'T EXIST PROBLEM.

Don't bring me problems, Mancie. Bring me solutions.

You know what, Josh? What?

You're probably super-tired, right?

There's taramasalata and chips in your dad's office.

Why don't you just...? All right, all right.

Ugh! He's going to ruin this show!

It's unbelievable.

Who knows what other idiot ideas he has on that clipboard of his.

We have to stop him.

Is murder still illegal in this country?

Of course it is!

And yet you run over an armadillo

and you don't even stop the car!

You zink zees Josh will get rid of us?

Don't be silly, Francoise.

Without us, what would they have to cut to in the middle of a scene?

Mais oui.

You know, you can't blame the kid.

He's been given everything on a plate.

That would turn anyone into a self-centred monster

who thinks the world revolves around them

while their sister works SO hard and gets NO recognition at all!

Hey, sis, you'll never get a boyfriend frowning like that.

It's your classic nature vs nurture.

I knew a boy in Africa who'd been brought up by a colony of ants

and he turned out completely normal.

Mind you, he could carry seven times his own body weight in his jaws.

Wow, Jake, you've seen so much. Too much.

I still get nightmares about the time I got mauled.

Africa? No.

Cardiff. At a party.

DOUGIE: Well, well done, Gabby.

Two more points there. I know.

You got four eggs, or a pundit's dozen, as it's known.

But hard luck, Kev.

One more egg would have saved your bacon.

I'm going to call it a quarter-dozen

to make it sound a bit more than three.

A quarter dozen eggs. Yeah.

So, plenty of time left to bag that cash for charity.

Let's find out who's in store for Round Three.

ANNOUNCER: Show business expert Amber O'Neill!

What have you been up to this week, Amber?

Well, I've just been in Lye-ses-ter Square

to watch Kian and Nicky from Westlife

putting their handprints in concrete.

Wow! I didn't realise the boys were doing so well. Oh, yeah!

The building work they're doing is looking great.

Well, at least they're earning.

DOUGIE: Right, so...

Mancie, those last ideas I gave you - forget them.

Oh, that's great, because health and safety would have been all over

that Russian Roulette game.

Yes. I've got a better idea.

The next game should be done completely in the dark.

MANCIE LAUGHS

What? Seriously?

Seriously.

What game have you got for us, Amber?

Tonight, we will be playing Life's A Speech!

Oh, wow, I'm SO excited seeing you two guys together.

Oh, Gabby, I love your dress, it's just beautiful.

And Kevin, you are just gorgeous.

There's one thing I like more than a man in a suit

and that's a man out of his suit.

You know what I mean? I think I know exactly what you mean.

AMBER GIGGLES

OK, OK, OK...

You're a flirt, aren't you?

Yeah, you got a problem with that?

If you want to be a truly huge star like Tiger Woods,

you'll undoubtedly make the odd mistake along the way

and find yourself having to make a public apology.

It's all part of the fame game.

So I've prepared each of you an apology

which you'll deliver with heartfelt sadness.

However, I've left out some of the words.

Your job is to read the speech and fill in the blanks.

Whoever fills in the most blanks correctly will win the game

and two points will be added to your total.

Amber, change of plan.

Monkey, kill the lights! Hit it, Monkey!

OK, I guess, we're going to do the game in the dark.

Kevin, we're going to start with you,

so Gabby, make your way backstage.

Go very, very carefully, cos it's dark.

I hope there'll be someone waiting for you out there!

OK, and...um...Kevin, do you think you can make your way

to the podium in the dark? Of course.

You're live in three, two, one...

Cue!

..Michael McIntyre...

..Glasgow.

One person to whom I owe a particular apology...

..David Dimbleby...

I didn't mean to cause any offence,

but to those who were most offended...

..And I Know It.

..Casino Royale...eh...

..and James Bond II and III.

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER

..Newcastle, Nottingham and Northampton.

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER Norwich.

..Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Uranus...

Eh...Neptune and...Mercury.

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER

Saturn...Jupiter...

Like this.

Oh, Kevin, be careful - you don't want to fall over.

I wished it was me you were hugging at the end there.

OK, OK...this is going better than I thought.

Where do you want the lamp? Just right there, Sam. OK.

You shouldn't have made it dark on her game -

SHE is the pretty one.

You know, some people just never...

DING!

You have a crush on Amber. No, I don't.

Yes, you do! You like her!

No, no - quiet, Mancie, get on with your work! Huh!

Monkey, turn on the lights.

Awesome...oh!

Oh, wow, the lights are on!

Let's welcome back Gabby.

You did really well.

Hi, Gabby. Hi, hi.

OK - now you go offstage. OK.

In the dark, or...? No, no.

Have you got your eyes open? It's light now!

OK, so, it's your turn now.

You have to make your way to the podium.

Can you give me any clues? Yeah. Make your way to the podium.

Oh, right...!

OK.

You're live in three, two, one...

Cue!

..Dan Walker...

..Norwich.

My dress was inspired by Lady Gaga.

I love her and I'd love to see her play at the national rugby stadiums

of England - Twickenham - Scotland - Murrayfield -

and Wales - the Millennium Stadium.

I have absolutely no idea here where I'm going with this one.

Sorry, JK Rowling.

If you can find it within your hearts to forgive me...

..Mrs...Cameron - Samantha, indeed, is her name.

..Cardiff, Colchester...

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER ..Coventry...

..Cranford...

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER ..Caerphilly...

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER

..uh...Cape Town...

WRONG ANSWER BUZZER

C-C-C-Can't help myself.

Carlisle!

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...

Gabby, come on over here. You did great.

It's more difficult than it looks. Yes, it is.

I'm going to get Kevin back. Kevin, come here!

Well, Gabby, you did brilliantly, but Kevin, even in a blackout,

you got the most answers correct,

so you win two points and win the game!

Thanks.

Thank you so much for playing Life's A Speech.

Well, two points there for Kevin. Clyde, what's that done to t'scores?

Hiya, Dougie.

Oh! Aye-aye, you've had a make over.

I don't believe it.

Yeah, believe it.

Apparently, blue is all the rage.

On the up side, my wife says

it's like making love to a complete stranger.

Hang on a second...

DOUGIE SPLUTTERS

The scores, please, Clyde!

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Scotland's got two, Girl From The Olympics, four.

DOUGIE: Thank you very much, Clyde...

I thought of bringing my son to work,

but I didn't want to be accused of nepotism.

Before he gets to our position,

he should learn the business from the ground up, like we did.

I'm washing underpants.

No, Monkey - we're washing underpants.

Mm! Well, well played.

You're back int' game. Right back in.

Now, good news - the James Bond producers have been on the phone

and they've offered you the part of the villain in the new Bond film,

James Bond IV.

Is that right? After II and III.

The fourth one, I'm so looking forward to it.

Good work, Amber. You survived.

OK, I need your help. I'm ahead of you.

I just signed you up for a new dating website.

What? It's called Cellmate Soul Mates.

They're not picky.

I don't want to date a prisoner.

No, listen to me.

I think that Josh likes you. Will you talk to him?

There's a lot at stake here, people's jobs.

All right. I'll talk to Josh. Yes!

DOUGIE ON TV: Time to stop watching so much...

Hi, Josh. Oh... Having fun. Yes, yeah...

How does a handsome kid like you spend has time?

Computer games?

No - being charming and sophisticated

and playing with my Lego...oh...

Oh...!

What's the matter with him?

I guess he has a problem talking to girls.

Never had a problem talking to Mancie.

Oh, guys don't think of Mancie as a girl.

She's more like a mom figure.

Huh! That's ridiculous.

And if you're going outside, wear a coat, young lady!

You've got a little schmutz - hold on.

On my face? Thanks...

Well, I'm waiting to read Harry Potter with my kids,

cos they're seven, you see.

I feel really bad for JK Rowling,

cos the world probably knows those answers

and they're shouting at the screen.

Best-selling books of all time,

but not good enough for the Logans.

Right, let's stop chattering and get onto Round Four

and meet our next guest in the quest for a charity prize -

who have we got?

ANNOUNCER: Science expert Dr Strabismus!

Welcome, Dr Strabismus.

What's been happening in the world of science this week, Doc?

I have been following the progress of the Mars rover.

You know, I helped to design it.

It was my idea to put the bumper sticker on

saying "Honk If You're Horny."

I really had to fight for it.

NASA wanted to put "Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost."

They're so stupid.

So, Doc, what game are we playing tonight?

Tonight, we will be playing Blow By Blow.

Welcome, Gabby and Kevin,

to a challenge I have called Blow By Blow.

Behind you, you can see my hot dog assistants

have lit the last of many candles -

100, to be exact, on each side.

This will be a race to extinguish your candles as quickly as possible.

Only blowing is allowed.

You will notice that your final candle is contained.

For the hot dogs to release it,

you must have first blown out all 99 candles behind you.

Two points are available to the winner,

so get to your starting places, please.

Come on, then.

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

Are you ready, Kevin? Yes.

Are you ready, Gabby? Come on!

Don't try this one at home.

Three, two, one...blow!

SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT

This is a blowing contest of the ages.

Oh, it's quite a contest! Oh, yeah.

Look at his technique, it's very good!

Oh, she's doing strips of them in a row.

Here comes Kevin - he's forgot one, behind him.

Oh! Could go either way, Doctor.

She's ahead of him - Kevin, you can catch up!

Oh, she has incredible lung power,

that Gabby Logan. She does, yeah.

There she goes... She's at the final one.

She's the winner!

Stop blowing, stop blowing, we have a winner.

Gabby, you were the first to blow out all 100 candles,

good for you! Thank you.

Kevin, you just got a little bit thrown by those last few ones.

That was a bit risky. We could have burnt our Bridges.

I said, "We could have burnt our bridges."

I heard you the first time.

Congratulations, Gabby,

and thank you for playing Blow By Blow.

Dr Strabismus, is that supposed to happen?

Oh! That shouldn't have caught fire.

Ha-ha! Oh, if I had a pound for every time I've said that...

OK, hot dogs, save yourselves - run!

Oh...whoa...clear the set, everyone!

There's a flaming fire - literally, a flaming fire!

Argh! Oh!

Oh, it's burning, that fire...

OK, everyone, there's no need to panic.

We'll be back on in a couple of minutes.

I'm a good person.

I don't deserve any of this.

Don't worry, Mancie. I'll handle this.

Think I need to take my shirt off?

No! Better do anyway, just to be safe.

Rrrgh!

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

JOSH COUGHS

Oh, Josh, we must stop meeting like this.

Oh, hey, Kevin.

This is like the old days, right?

You and me? Eh...

Come on, don't say you don't remember me?

We were both playing the Scottish nightclub circuit,

needed the cash - we took part in that trial for a new flu drug.

I remember playing the Scottish nightclub circuit.

There you go - memory loss was one of the side effects.

Say, have you got that 20 I lent you?

I'll take it in two tens,

four fives, whatever.

Thanks. I'll see you the next time

there's a hay fever drugs trial.

Thought you said it was a flu drug? What's the difference?

It all comes out your nose, right?

Hi, Gabby. Hey.

Gabby, remember the time

we took part in the trial for that new flu drug?

LAUGHING: Nice try, Kev.

All clear, Mancie. Great.

OK, people, we're back on - we've got a show to finish.

CHEERING

You can put your shirt back on.

Hm - better leave it off, just in case it starts up again.

Oh, that were a bit of fun, weren't it?

First darkness, now fire!

It's like a TV apocalypse. But in a good way.

On with t'show.

Welcome back, Gabby. Welcome back, Kev.

Let's go to Clyde.

Yeah, yeah. I'm still here.

Just leave the crustacean in the hot metal box

while the studio goes up in flames.

Good to see you back to your normal self, fully restored.

Yeah, well, turns out disgruntled crabs

make up a huge part of our audience

and they like me the way I am.

Anyway, scores are Braveheart, two, Sporty Spice, six.

Thank you very much, Clyde.

So, how's it going, Mancie?

Oh, well, nothing to report here, Mr McGhee.

Everything's running like clock...

You're going to be OK.

You're going to be OK.

AUDIENCE GROANS

Oh! Ha-ha! What a nice cowbell. Ooh - thank you, yes.

24-carat gold, Swiss craftsmanship.

Won't be getting lost in a hurry with this little baby.

COWBELL RINGS

So, Joshie, how do we fix the show?

I'll tell you how you need to fix it.

You need to change... Yes?

You need to change...

..nothing.

It's perfect the way it is.

We're ruined!

No, wait, we're good again.

Would this be the right time

to request a raise?

The only thing I can suggest

is that you give Amber a night off -

say Friday?

Oh. All right.

Well, come on, let's get home.

I've got the Obamas coming round to play Rude Scrabble.

Right-oh.

At last, they're gone.

Can I fart now? No!

STRAINED: All right.

Amber, what did you do?

I agreed to go to his prom Friday.

You're used to being the oldest in the room -

how do I handle it?

You know what? One more crack about my age

and I'll tell everyone your hair isn't naturally purple.

You wouldn't! Oh, I would,

and I'll also tell you something else.

Your green roots are showing. Oh!

AMBER GROANS

IAN BREAKS WIND

Ugh!

All right, everybody, you heard the little twerp -

our show is perfect, so get out there and...

Ugh! Oh, Ian...

Sorry, Mancie.

Oh, Ian, what did you eat?

Ugh...

Well done, Gabby, you stretched your lead again. Thank you.

Yeah, how do you feel? A little bit out of breath, actually.

It's quite tough, that, it makes you go a bit dizzy.

Kevin, don't worry, you can still catch up.

It was tough. There was a lot of candles.

I felt like Bruce Forsyth on his birthday.

DOUGIE LAUGHS

Oh, brilliant!

Anyway, time for our final game.

"Who's our expert?" you're probably asking.

Why, it's me.

So if you'll please join me onstage for our Puppet End Game.

Well, welcome along to t'final round!

The scores are six to Gabby and two to Kevin,

so you're both still in with a chance

of winning ?10,000 for charity.

For this game, knowledge is points-winning power

as our six experts will ask you questions

based on their specialist subjects.

For each question you get right,

a point will be added to your final score.

Everyone read with their questions?

Ready! Ready. Let's give it a go, Dougie.

Right, OK, then - let's kick off the End Game.

Ooh.

This week, the first question comes from...

Amber, Showbiz.

My yoga buddy is married to Chris Martin of Coldplay.

What's her name?

Oh, Gabby.

Gwyneth Paltrow.

Correct.

Dr Strabismus, Science.

I observe a pomegranate a day, hoping for a scientific epiphany

like Isaac Newton had

when he observed which...?

Oh, Gabby Logan?

Gravity.

No.

..Isaac Newton had when he observed which fruit?

No!

I don't have a clue.

An apple!

Jake, Nature.

Which animal family has taken up residence in my back yard?

There's a boomer, a flyer and a joey.

Logan? Kangaroo?

You got it.

Eddie, Music.

Great crooners Bieber, Buble, and Bryan - Adams -

all come from which country?

Oh, that's Bridges.

Canadian, Canada.

Correct.

Look at him go!

Dr Strabismus, Science.

During a heated phone call with NASA, I yelled,

"Houston, we have a problem",

like the famous transmission from which...?

Oh, Kevin Bridges.

Apollo 13?

That's absolutely correct.

Eddie, Music.

I've been asked to compose a jaunty jingle

for the Radio 1 Breakfast Show.

Remind me who presents it.

Gabby? Nick Grimshaw?

Correct.

Taptackle, Sports.

KLAXON BLARES

Oh!

That sound signals the end of the round,

so we've come to the end of the show.

Woo!

Clyde, what are the final scores?

Well, after a brain-pinching final round,

Kevin has four points.

But the winner is Gabby, with nine points!

Brilliant! Well played.

Congratulations, kisses all round.

You win ten grand for the charity of your choice.

Who's it going to, Gabby?

It's going to The Disabilities Trust,

which is a fantastic charity which helps rehabilitate people

who've had brain injuries after birth.

It does magnificent work - they'll be delighted with that.

Fantastic - ladies and gentlemen, the brilliant Gabby Logan

and the sensational Kevin Bridges!

Well done, Gabby. Well done.

Well, there's just enough time left for me

to say that's all we've got time for tonight,

so...

That's all we've got time for tonight!

Say goodbye, everyone. ALL: Good night!

Thanks for watching - see you next time, good night!

Well, guys, we survived in one piece.

I kinda feel sorry for that Josh.

Really? Why?

Kids like that get everything.

One day, some kid will walk up

to him in the playground and say,

"I don't care your dad is,

"I'm gonna smack you in the mouth!"

I just wish I could be there when it happens.

I hear you.

You know, he wasn't that bad...