Doggy Business The Apprentice: You're Fired

I'm not impressed with any of you. This is a bloody shambles.

You didn't follow the money.

I've got two teams here and they're both rubbish. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Good grief! Good grief!

Sorry, I mean good evening. Welcome to The Apprentice - You're Fired.

You're fired and you're fired, as well. I'm Rhod Gilbert.

It's only the third triple firing in Apprentice history.

This week, Team Vitality really went to the dogs

and Lord Sugar fired the entire boardroom.

Back at the house, the candidates were understandably terribly upset.

On the plus side, there's three extra portions of dinner tonight.

-Yeah!

-Cheers.

To help us figure out what led to such an historic meltdown,

welcome tonight's panel of Apprentice fans and guests.

Director of operations at Pets At Home Stuart Livingston,

our very own Karren Brady, and comedian Hal Cruttenden,

welcome to You're Fired.

Stuart, a triple firing. Did you see it coming?

I definitely didn't see it coming.

I thought there might be a double firing,

but, no, I think it proved to be a tricky week for all the candidates.

-Karren?

-Yes.

-You must have seen it coming.

-I was there!

You must, though?

No, I don't think we ever do really know in the boardroom.

Alan makes his own decisions.

He listens to what Claude and I say but, ultimately,

it's his money, it's his business, it's his relationship that he

is going to have going forwards, so he has to go with the person

he thinks he is going to have some amazing business with.

And I think at this late stage in the process, he realised

he wasn't going to have an amazing business with any of those three.

-So I think he just said, enough!

-Hal, did you see the treble coming?

I think it was always going to be a bad week to be in the boardroom

when Spurs have lost to Arsenal.

LAUGHTER

-Ah, yes!

-Don't you think?

We'll be reeling from this week's shocking scenes

and meeting all three fired candidates. But first...

BIG BEN CHIMES

In Apprentice news tonight,

Harrison is rushed to A&E after a stray pancake hit him in the face.

Claude forgets to put his contact lenses in,

but knows a Great Dane when he sees one.

And Elizabeth describes her weekly boardroom routine to a dog.

Sit.

Cry.

That was tonight's Apprentice news.

APPLAUSE

The very first of our three candidates to learn

that Lord Sugar's bite was every bit as bad as his bark

was this Yorkshire Terrier.

You want my honest opinion?

I think you're here maybe four or five years too early.

I don't think you're ready yet, so, Andrew...

..you're fired.

Thanks for the opportunity. Cheers.

Please welcome Andrew Brady.

APPLAUSE

-How are you feeling?

-I feel good. Feeling good, yeah.

Disappointed, obviously, that I didn't win,

but I got further than I potentially thought,

might have undersold myself a bit.

But, yes, feeling happy.

How does it feel to be part of Apprentice history?

There's not many triple firings.

I thought them two were going to go and I'd be safe, but...

LAUGHTER

Stuart, did you think Andrew was going to go this week?

I did, actually, I'm afraid to say, Andrew. I thought your time was up.

I thought you had been given enough warnings in the past.

I thought your behaviour wasn't exemplary.

I thought the swearing as well was not really what you would

expect from a partner of Lord Sugar's, really.

Shit happens.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Karren, what could Andrew have done differently this week

to avoid being fired?

You do have this tendency to be a bit laddish

and that part of you was just dying to come out,

and it came out in this task in quite spectacular fashion.

The swearing was unprofessional, and the attitude was unprofessional,

but you are true to yourself,

but not really for this process.

Quite positive feedback, I think.

Hal, if you were on The Apprentice,

-you know that moment when you get fired?

-Yes.

What would you say in that moment?

Do you know, he always does that pause, doesn't he?

You know he does that pause, where he goes,

and for that reason...your fired.

In that pause, I would resign.

LAUGHTER

"And for that reason..."

I'm going! I'm resigning, you're rubbish, and I'm walking out,

and it's all been dreadful.

Andrew was thrust into the sub team manager role against his will,

forced to pick up dog poo against his will,

and then scooped up and thrown out of the process, against his will.

Let's see where it all went wrong.

Andrew. I did warn him about his laddish behaviour,

and he just takes no notice whatsoever.

What time would you like us here tomorrow?

-Oh,

-BLEEP,

-I've just drawn on me!

Andrew swore in front of the client.

Oh, bloody hell.

In this particular task, you undervalued the stately home job.

Shall we do that for the three of us for tomorrow? I was thinking £120.

If we were to compromise and come to about the £225 mark.

I'm thinking more of £250.

But isn't that more than you have just pitched?

Andrew went back up to £250.

It's totally unprofessional, and eventually they ended up at £200.

I can't stand the smell of dog shit.

You are 26 years old,

that's equivalent to three years old in dog years.

You're still showing immaturity, as far as I'm concerned.

-Still showing immaturity.

-Apparently so.

Like I said, it's the industry I come from.

I have worked in bars for however many years,

and now I'm working in engineering.

It is more of a relaxed area to work in, it's quite easy to sometimes

forget where you are, especially in, like, a boardroom with Lord Sugar.

Karren called you a man-child!

There were times

when you showed quite childish behaviour for a grown man.

Think that's the point that I was trying to make.

Was that the main reason why Andrew was fired, do you think?

Yes, I think so, Andrew.

Your attitude was there, your willing was there,

you were trying really hard, but it didn't always

come across in the most professional and succinct way.

And things like swearing in front of a client, not focusing

all of the time, not being able to understand the tone of a meeting.

So, 475, 225, 250,

it was all just a bit over the place.

Stuart, Pets At Home, 9,000 employees, over 400 stores,

I believe.

This is a massive sector, isn't it?

Well, it is huge.

It's worth over £11 billion a year, and there are over 8 million dogs

in the UK, so it is a big sector and it is growing rapidly.

Hal, where would you have fared best on this task, in the spa,

the activity centre?

The doggy spa thing just bothers me a little bit

because I'm not sure whether dogs want to smell like a blueberry.

But also, it was the image of, I think,

the Rottweiler getting a paw-dicure.

Just watching the shot of that Rottweiler, it was looking

at the camera going,

"Oh, please don't film this, please don't film this.

"Please don't let the lads see this."

How did you find the whole Apprentice process?

-Did you enjoy it?

-Yes, I loved it. Absolutely loved it.

I felt like I was back at uni again. It was great.

I think that was the problem.

You had your top off a lot.

-Even I know which nipple you have got pierced.

-Which one?

-Left.

-It is, actually!

-Karren, what was your highlight of shadowing Andrew?

-I have two.

-Two highlights?

-No, I thought you meant piercings.

Oh, sorry!

LAUGHTER

Part of me wants to know...

-In my ear!

-Oh, in your ears, of course! Thank God for that.

-Of course!

-What was your highlight of following Andrew?

I think it had to be Bruges.

"Highlight" sounds as though it was really, really excellent,

but of course it was the opposite of excellent.

But incredibly funny.

Unfortunately, though,

Lord Sugar thinks it's a bit too early for you in his process

and he won't be investing in Andrew,

as you know, but he does have this advice for your future.

Andrew, young chap, well educated,

got a good degree in Aerospace Engineering.

Showed a lot of enthusiasm, got stuck in all the time, so, you know,

really he's got a lot of potential for the future.

I think the future is really the word here.

Because I think he was a bit too early in my process

because he showed a bit of boyishness,

which I'm sure he will grow out of when he gets on,

but I think he's going to do fine in his future.

-What was your business plan?

-So, it was mobile bars and party hosting.

-And swearing!

-Surprise, surprise!

-You say "was"?

Yeah, I'm not going to pursue that any more.

I'm pursuing a career in engineering management consultancy now.

Lord Sugar made his decision, Andrew,

but does our panel feel it was the right one? Stuart.

Yes, I think it was the right one. I think your luck had run out, Andrew.

-Karren, was it was the right one?

-You know my view, Andrew.

-Impartial, I like it.

-Yeah...

No, not impartial.

-It's absolutely right that you left this week.

-Hal?

No, I don't, I think you're really nice.

You are a bit like a dog. You're very honest, he's very positive,

you're quite embarrassing in front of strangers...

Time to find out what our audience thinks.

If you agree with Lord Sugar, hold up "fired".

If you disagree, hold up "hired", please.

-Ooo. It is red, I'm afraid, Andrew.

-A landslide.

But, as you know, nobody leaves here empty-handed.

Now, Lord Sugar said come back in four or five years' time.

So, we have got you a five-year Apprentice planner.

2022, mate, you can apply for, and win, we reckon, The Apprentice 2022.

-That is yours to keep.

-Thank you.

APPLAUSE

You've been a great sport, thanks for coming on the show. Let's look at your highlights.

-Were on the up now, we're going like this.

-OK.

-Yes? Sounds good to me.

Andrew is really good value, he's good fun.

He picks morale up, he's never down.

It's going to be great, I can't wait.

-Are we going to win this?

-Yes, boss.

We've still got some time, we need to get back out there

and we need to start selling more. We've got ourselves an entertainer!

Come on, Sarah!

He's relentless in his pursuit of conversation and hype and fun.

Hashtag poop and choose.

Woooo!

I thought this was going to be Jason Statham kind of stuff, and isn't.

Ladies and gentlemen, Andrew Brady!

APPLAUSE

One down, two to go.

Let's meet the second candidate to be fired in this P45 fest.

Anisa, eight weeks and...

I just want the opportunity to be able to show you that I can be...

I think you've had the opportunity.

Anisa...

..you are fired.

Thanks for the opportunity.

Take care.

Please welcome Anisa Topan!

APPLAUSE

Lovely to see you.

-Hi.

-Anisa, welcome. How are you feeling?

-Gutted, obviously.

I really wanted to be Lord Sugar's business partner,

or at least get to the final five so I could showcase my amazing

business plan, but I did the best I could.

It's such a pressure cooker in there. Yes, very, very difficult.

Lord Sugar said you've had your opportunity.

-Did you feel like you'd had it?

-No!

I really wanted to shine like a diamond.

I really wanted to shine,

but it was so difficult to shine in a place where everyone

didn't really have faith in me,

then I lost faith in myself, which is so unlike me in my everyday world

so I just found it incredibly difficult to get my voice heard.

Lord Sugar said you had a tendency to laugh when things go wrong.

Have you laughed this off yet?

I think I'll be laughing for a long time when I look back

at Bruges and my brainstorming and all the crazy things I did.

I loved your brainstorming. At times you were left hanging.

-You were there, a whirlwind of ideas.

-I know.

Normally, in a brainstorm in my everyday world,

everyone gets involved and you get your point across,

and you get everything you need to get done,

but there, I just felt, like, a bit different, like an alien, I think.

Hal, as a comedian, you must be able to relate to Anisa making

-light of things when they go wrong.

-Yes, I think it's a lovely thing.

I think it's what makes you so appealing.

But there is a time and a place for it.

I think maybe, when the chips are down,

if you were working in a company that was going into liquidation,

you'd probably go "Yeah, we are a bit rubbish!"

There's a time to be funny, and there's a time to be serious.

You had the ideas in you, but you couldn't communicate them

-well enough. You do...

-Flamboyant.

-You use your hands...

You're very creative, and that's not a bad thing,

but you're very creative, very jokey, very emotional,

and I'm not 100% sure that is a perfect fit for Lord Sugar.

Is Lord Sugar not all of those things?

Off-screen, he is camp as Christmas. Isn't he?

He's a different person on-screen, isn't he?

Did you think Anisa would go this week, Stuart?

I really felt for you, Anisa.

I thought you were hard done by

because you did bring a lot of enthusiasm,

but one of the main reasons was because I thought you should have

been the Project manager.

I thought Charles blagged his way into the project manager role,

saying he had a dog, that was proven not to be the case at the end!

I know!

But you had a dog, you had a dog for two years, and you should,

at the very least, have been the sub team project manager.

Anisa went in search of the £250,000 investment from Lord Sugar.

She ended up a wild goose poo chase. Let's see where it all went wrong.

All I hear from Karren is you get flustered and you are flapping

around and think everything that goes wrong is funny.

I thought Dirty Dogs would be quite a good name.

-Anisa, Anisa, you need to get her in the picture!

-Oh, my God!

-GROWLING

-Oh, he's not happy!

Pick up the pace a bit, Anisa.

The flowerbed is complicated!

Anisa is flapping around, she doesn't know whether

to look in the flowerbed or the grass.

Why did we commit to duck poo? Because this is screwing us.

-We didn't, we said the big ones.

-They're all big! They're all big!

Don't be frantic, guys, be calm!

ANISA WAILS

If you're screaming and yelping, they're not going to come.

I think you have to have a sense of humour about some of the process.

Well, we're all in stitches about this.

Getting in a flap, being frantic, getting flustered. Is it fear?

I think you're under that much pressure,

I challenge anyone not to be flustered.

If you'd seen the amount of goose poo... Karren, please back me up,

-it was endless.

-Please back me up!

And you've got someone shouting at you going,

"You need to pick up faster!"

I'm going as fast as I can, but it's not even getting onto the shovel.

What the hell do you want me to do?

Well, Elizabeth and Joanna put the dogs

through their paces at the doggy activity centre.

As this bit of unseen footage proves,

you can teach an old dog new tricks.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Did you enjoy it, Anisa? Did you enjoy the process?

I think I found it incredibly tough.

I think it challenged me beyond anything.

Elements are brilliant, elements are fun,

but overall, it was the toughest. Just so tough.

Lord Sugar, as you know, isn't going to be investing in you,

-but he does have this advice for your future.

-Oh, God.

So, Anisa. Bubbly, always enthusiastic, basically even showed

the positive side of things when things went wrong during the task.

But, when things go wrong, you shouldn't be laughing.

You should be working out how to fix them.

She's got her own PR company, which I believe is successful,

and I think that what she may have picked up from this process

will assist her in going forward

and actually making that into a bigger business in the future.

-Is that the plan?

-Yes, the plan was to expand the PR agency,

but I'm also going to work on some other things, as well,

which I'll be launching in the New Year,

after I have had a massive holiday for Christmas. I cannot wait!

Well deserved. Lord Sugar made his decision.

Does our panel feel it was the right one. Stuart?

No, I don't think it was. You should have been given another chance.

I think you should have been forced to be project leader.

Then we would have really seen whether you could gain the

-confidence and the trust of those other candidates in the process.

-I appreciate that.

-Karren?

-You know my feelings, Anisa.

I think as far as this process is concerned,

you had come to the end of the road.

Hal, casting vote?

No, I think definitely you shouldn't have gone

because you hadn't been project manager.

You kept saying "I want to be project manager".

-They'd go, "Er, yeah..."

-HE WHISTLES

If you were a trained doctor on a flight

and the flight attendant went, "Is there a doctor on the flight?"

And you went, "I'm a doctor!" She'd go, "Anybody else?"

LAUGHTER

It's time to find out what the audience thinks.

If you agree with Lord Sugar, hold up "fired".

If you disagree, hold up "hired", please.

It is red. I'm really sorry, Anisa, it is "fired" from our audience.

-But nobody leaves here empty-handed.

-I'm looking forward to this.

We thought we would get you this beautiful,

100% plastic, "Anisa's super duper pooper scooper".

Amazing, thank you!

And that's not all. We also got you this delightful goose head.

LAUGHTER

You've been a great sport.

Thanks for coming on the show, I hope you've enjoyed it.

-Let's see your highlights.

-Thank you.

You say the most important thing in business is to have fun.

-You have to love what you're doing.

-Thank you for that.

I've never met anyone like Anisa.

She is absolutely hilarious.

Oh, yeah!

I think the prices need to be as high as you can get

so they can really make back our money.

She brings so much fun into our group.

Oh, no, no, no, no, take it away!

I'm a robot of many features.

Oh, no, we're back where we started!

Anisa is Anisa.

They should put a new adjective out there to describe Anisa.

So I thought "flern". Ultimately, we are heading...

Yeah, we're heading N.

We thought we had got away with it.

She's just fabulous.

Ladies and gentlemen, Anisa Topan!

Thank you.

APPLAUSE

So, the last of our three candidates who had gone into this task

with high hopes of coming away with a lovely blueberry facial,

but ended up bagged up and binned, was poor Charles.

Charles. I'm looking for a business partner who leads.

I don't want a consultant telling me after the event

of why my investment has gone down the pan.

So, I wish you the best of luck

but, Charles, you're fired.

Thanks for the opportunity.

Please welcome Charles Burns!

APPLAUSE

Charles. How are you feeling?

Um, you know, it's disappointing. Two-thirds of the way through,

I felt that I was in touching distance, but not to be.

Lord Sugar said he doesn't want a consultant. What do you take from that?

I think from the first week I came in a bit too bullish,

to be honest with you, and then I sat back a bit too much.

I didn't get that balance quite right, and I think that's why

this whole consultant, Mr Hindsight came about, as Karren likes to say.

Mr Hindsight!

Karren, Claude said Charles hasn't done very much over the weeks.

Was that fair, do you think?

I think on this particular task, you did delegate everything.

I disagree in some respects, because Michaela is a dog owner,

and she was really, really involved with the pet care side of things.

And then Jade jumped in and was fantastic.

For me, there's no point in jumping in just to show I've jumped in

if they're doing a really, really good job. Which they were, so...

But that's not what bosses do.

Bosses show real leadership, they never ask anyone to do

anything they wouldn't do themselves.

They lead from the front, and you almost did the opposite.

Charles waited eight long weeks for his peers

to make him project manager. No sooner did he take the reins

but he steered his horse straight into a hedge.

Let's see where it all went wrong.

Do you think he done anything, Michaela?

Maybe not as much as what he could have.

Give him the fizz bath on his feet.

I'll keep my hands clean.

So who would like to start brushing?

It seems that Michaela and Jade, given that they naturally

have longer hair, they're used to combing hair.

-LAUGHTER

-It just helps them along.

-You know what? You go and explain to the customer.

-All right, yeah.

-Cool.

Oh, he loves a bit of delegation, does Charles.

I know you're excellent at phone sales,

so I'd like you to start on the calls, Michaela.

There you are. On speaker for you already.

PHONE RINGS

Michaela made the phone calls, Michaela made the appointments.

There's times where I felt like I was the project manager.

My favourite...

I think that's one of my highlights of the series is you going,

"There you go, it's on speaker phone for you.

"You're welcome.

"Don't thank me, Michaela!"

The reason for this is that she made the appointment with

the customer previously, so I thought...

-Of course she did, man, she did everything!

-Yeah, exactly!

You know, we all tried making phone sales,

and day-to-day, that's one of the things she does,

she excels at phone sales on every single task that I've seen

and it made sense to put her in that position.

When Jade and I tried, we didn't get any luck,

she seemed to be very good at it.

I've got a dog, but blueberry facials and paw-dicures?

Stuart, are they real?

I'm afraid they are all real things, yes! They do exist,

and it's what we refer to in the industry as humanisation.

So this is effectively treating your pet

as if it's a member of the family.

Some of the things, paw-secco, dog beer -

Hal, have you ever been on the lash with your dog?

No, do you know what...? It's not actually alcoholic, though, is it?

No.

Hal!

My dog, she's seven, and she still sees her tail and goes,

"Whoa, what's that?!"

If she was drunk, she would be off the scale.

Karren, I know this is going to destroy your harsh but fair image,

but you've got a new puppy, haven't you?

-I do, yes.

-And we've got a picture of it.

-Have you?

-Yes.

-AUDIENCE:

-Aw!

That is not a sound commonly associated with Karren Brady.

He's called Scruffy, because he is very scruffy.

-Would you let Charles give that puppy a blueberry facial?

-No.

He's part of the family!

I'm sorry, I'll rephrase that - would you let Charles get

somebody else to give that puppy a blueberry facial?

Yes! Jade or Michaela, no problem.

Well, Charles' Apprentice journey came to an abrupt end this week,

but at least he was able to look people in the eye,

stand tall and proud and say, "I was a project manager.

"Briefly."

I'd like to put myself forward. I'm quite happy to lead you all guys.

Nobody else?

Do you want to make a decision, guys, or...?

-I'm happy to be led by you.

-Congratulations, Charles.

MUSIC: Finally by CeCe Peniston

Awesome work.

-RECORD SCRATCH

-Charles, you're fired.

APPLAUSE

I like that.

Did you enjoy it? The whole process, did you enjoy it?

I've watched the programme for 13 years,

always wanted to be a part of it.

Had the opportunity to present my skill set to Lord Sugar, Karren

and Claude. I Think I've done that. Could have done it better, I think.

But, no, I generally really enjoyed it, very much so.

Well, unfortunately, Lord Sugar said he didn't want a consultant,

so he won't been investing in you, Charles.

But he does have this advice for your future.

Charles, a very entrepreneurial fellow. Young, only 24.

He had a little bit of a problem

in accepting that he made some mistakes.

I think if Charles could learn from his mistake

and stop being Mr Hindsight and become a Mr Foresight,

he's going to be very, very successful in the future.

Got to become Mr Foresight.

Really, I've taken a lot from the process,

I think it's great advice, and I'll take that on board.

And what was your business plan?

It's a hedge fund for luxury watches,

is the best way to describe it.

Wow. I'm not going to pretend to know what that means.

LAUGHTER

As long as you're happy, I'm happy.

Well, Lord Sugar made his decision,

but does our panel feel it was the right one?

Yes, unquestionably the right one, I'm afraid, Charles.

I don't think you should have been project manager, because you blagged your way onto it,

saying you're a dog owner, but you weren't. And you just didn't get your hands dirty,

-so I think it's end of the road.

-Karren?

Well, absolutely was the right decision,

but what I'm really pleased is that you've learned something

from the process, which I think will help you go on to be a success.

-Hal?

-Yeah, it was right to fire you.

Even though I think you've been very entertaining.

I do think, if I was in a situation where I wanted to be watched

while working, I would call you.

It's time to find out what our audience thinks. If you agree

with Lord Sugar, hold up fired, if you disagree, hold up hired

LAUGHTER

It is red, Charles.

So, you got to be project manager - eight long weeks I've waited,

I was as happy as you were.

I was celebrating, the nation celebrated, I made you a cake.

Oh!

APPLAUSE

It's "Charles, you're leaving."

I can't move.

But you've been a great sport.

Thanks for coming on the show, Charles.

APPLAUSE

Let's have a look at your highlights.

New beginnings today.

This is champagne, there's no water in there.

It's a little bit different, a bit out there,

I think the risk will pay off for us.

Charles is so opinionated,

I've never met anybody as opinionated as him.

We're here because we're entrepreneurs that take risks,

we're not here because we do the status quo, you know?

Just on the other side of the lake that I wanted to be on,

but it's absolutely fine,

we're still parallel to where I want to be.

Charles is absolutely hilarious, he makes me laugh all the time.

We were never lost, I just couldn't find exactly the entrance

I was looking for.

He's made my experience really cool, really fun.

Come to me, turds.

He is a very, very good and warm-hearted soul.

I'll give you that, go on, try it... Sorry, didn't mean to do that.

Bloody hell.

Ladies and gentlemen, Charles Burns.

APPLAUSE

And also please thank tonight's Apprentice fans and guests -

Stuart Livingstone, Karren Brady and Hal Cruttenden

APPLAUSE

Next week, the heat is on as the candidates try to tingle

the taste buds of industry experts with their easy-cook food boxes.

Who'll be cordon bleu

and who'll be "cordon" camera looking a right numpty?

For this task, you have to invent your own recipe kit,

and you'll also need to do a live cooking demonstration.

"Mix well and add the chicken."

Sweet.

-Do you want me to chop it?

-No, I'll chop it, it's fine.

We need some more... Oh.

It's quite Michelin star.

There's not a vegetable in sight.

You weigh the salt and I'll weigh the pepper.

APPLAUSE

Ah, healthy mind.

I'm just going to get my cooker to work.

It is healthy kickin' chicken curry.

This first dish that we've got doesn't necessarily have pea in it.

I... I... Don't... Ugh!

Absolutely does my nut in. It's no wonder I'm blinking barking mad.

That's all right, don't say stupid.

That's actually really tasty.

You know how you're my favourite?

Join me next Wednesday at 10pm for more You're Fired. Goodnight.

APPLAUSE