Episode 3 The Apprentice: You're Fired

This was mayhem. That don't look good.

It is not rocket science.

Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Bloody clueless.

You failed. You're fired.

You're fired. You're fired.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

MUSIC: Theme from 2001: A Space Odyssey

LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

Welcome...

..ladies and gentlemen, to The Apprentice: You're Fired,

where, tonight, we celebrate one of the great inventions of our time.

I'm not overstating this. It has literally got everything in here.

Obviously, there's a cushion, which is one of the first things we have.

It comes with a fridge full of beer, which is great.

All this smoke, by the way, is because there's a barbecue inside.

It is truly, and this is not a word I feel we overuse here,

MULTIFUNCTIONAL.

Tonight on the show, the panel and I,

with the help of unseen footage, will be taking apart

the product design task and finding out how one team reinvented the box.

Joining me are toy entrepreneur Richard North,

Lord Sugar's aide Karren Brady,

and comedian Andy Parsons.

Welcome to You're Fired, each one of you.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Yes.

Tonight's task of creating a new piece of flat-pack furniture

left one candidate in pieces.

LAUGHTER

I've come to a conclusion that,

out of the three of you here today,

and this may be unfair...

..but my gut feeling tells me that...

Sophie, you're fired.

Thank you, Lord Sugar. Thank you.

Please welcome Sophie Lau.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Hello.

Sophie, it's comfortable, it's spacious, it is...

How did you lose?

How did you possibly lose this with such a fine...are you disappointed?

I am disappointed, but it IS a box on wheels.

It is a box on wheels. Ultimately, yes.

-Yeah.

-And it was going to be so much more than that.

But we'll get to that. The other thing which is slightly awkward,

because that is not necessarily why YOU lost, per se.

I think it was kind of more felt that you hadn't contributed enough.

Does that sting, as a criticism?

Um, I think it's an honest criticism.

I don't think I could really do much in this task.

You've got so many fiery girls with their strengths,

and I didn't really feel I had the opportunity

-to play my forte this week.

-I suppose...

Firstly, your forte was market research, though.

-Oh, don't mention that one!

-Really? Yeah, sorry, yeah.

Well, you did bring it up yourself.

-"I do market research."

-Yeah, yeah.

"I do market research! I did it for my dissertation! I'm a student!"

I can't wait to read this dissertation!

-It's all about market research, it's going to be fantastic!

-I know!

But the market research you did,

I mean, were you asking the wrong questions?

Were you even clear when you went in to do the market research

what it was you were doing market research for,

-if you know what I mean?

-No.

No, OK.

For a new product, market research...

I mean, is it as much about the questions you ask

as the answers you get?

Yeah, I mean, you've got to love the product

that it is that you've got to go out and pitch,

but in the sense of the market research...

yeah, you know, you've got a box.

It's not the best product to try and get research on, is it?

There was not even a USP with it.

There was no special features

that were set out to be there in the beginning.

You know, so what do you say to somebody in market research?

"What do you think of my box?"

-Yeah, exactly.

-No, no...

LAUGHTER

Sorry, I should rephrase that, shouldn't I?! Sorry, Dara!

Let's let it hang in the air for a while. So you can reflect on it.

-Multifunctional!

-Yeah, multifunctional.

Let's see where it went wrong for you.

Are you Sophie Stay Safe?

I don't design, and I don't pitch.

What I have done is conduct market research.

I know how to conduct market research

and get the most amount of information.

When you come out of market research,

there needs to be very clear direction.

So what was the clear recommendations?

They wanted space for legs. They wanted leg room. Plus storage.

Leg space and storage?!

You can't have leg space and storage.

Now, I've like to know if the market research

is a way of not being responsible for selling,

not being responsible for the design of the product,

not being responsible for manufacturing.

In the past three weeks, I haven't seen anything from you.

I haven't heard much from you. I think you're hiding a little bit.

-No, I don't think so.

-No, well, I think you are.

OK, I don't want to hear any more.

Were you hiding?

I don't think I was hiding.

My problem is, with the girls, you know, you get to know them by now.

They're all very strong characters, and I'm a team player,

and I like to think that I work well in a team,

and when someone's saying, "I'm an award-winning saleswoman,

"I've got a make-up brand, a global make-up brand,

"I'm the best designer in the world,"

I'd be a moron to be putting myself up for the designing aspect

or the sales aspect.

So you sort of have to know your strengths and weaknesses in the team.

So, do you think Sophie's problem is she can't spot bull

when it's been spoken by other people who are in the process?

I think it's important that you listen to other people

and you play to your strengths, but part of the process is to test

what you do know and how you react when you don't know what to do.

So what you're prepared to try, what things you'll take on,

and I think sometimes,

you can be so in awe of people or so not want to be pushy,

that you become so far the other way

that you sort of disappear out of the process.

And I felt for you a little bit, because obviously

you're very young, and there are some very big characters

in the girls' candidates this year.

You're the youngest, I think, that we had on this series. 22, is it?

-22.

-You've just graduated and you're just starting to work.

Yeah, not everyone speaks the truth in these situations.

With their "global brand" and all that.

So that may be one of the things that caught you out a little bit.

You weren't exactly helping yourself though, were you,

because you said you don't design and you don't manufacture,

you don't sell, you don't pitch.

You weren't exactly selling your positives there, were you?

-I'm modest!

-When Lord Sugar said,

"Why do you think you shouldn't be fired?"

I thought you were almost going to go,

"Well, I could tell you why you COULD fire me..."

-LAUGHTER

-"I can't do this, I can't do that."

Yeah, yeah, it was a bad speech. A bad speech.

And it is a bit of a fight out there, isn't it,

amongst your competitors?

And you never came across with that fight.

You never, as Andy said there, you never stood up

and said, "This is what I do do.

"This is what I'm better at than the next person, than you guys."

Well, I mean, I can fight, but I don't think it's in my nature to...

..be really bitchy and be really loud,

and to win that fight, you've got to shout.

And you've got to be, you know, the dominating one.

-You've got to be heard.

-And I just felt...

Yeah, when we watched you, you were talking

and you're quite eloquent, I thought, the way you spoke.

But people just didn't listen. And you weren't being heard.

I think that came through, actually, in previous tasks,

where you had good points to make and you wanted to make them,

but every time you went to make them, people switched off.

They were just like, "Er, no." And I was like, "Oh, OK."

You were shown the door tonight,

but another candidate was on the threshold.

I'm very good at designing.

I definitely have creative vision.

I can make it look good.

I'm in the "look good" industry.

That don't look good!

Tidy Sidey? Wishy-washy, Poxy Boxy!

I'm good at designing.

It has to be, like, "Wow!"

I could quickly sketch this.

Could you just agree that the design makes it?

Yeah, it does. It's lovely.

The designs on the side make it look a bit like a garden planter.

-Is it not largely a box on wheels?

-It's got to look nice in a room.

In a part of the house you couldn't see, maybe.

Uzma, in your application,

"Keeping up-to-date with current trends for design."

That's exactly what I do, Lord Sugar.

You're in a time warp, if that's what you call keeping up-to-date!

I did not design that!

-What you did say was the product had to be glueless.

-Glueless?

More like bloody clueless!

OK, we've seen the ridiculous version of it.

That may detract from the majesty of the actual one.

Literally, you cannot look at this enough.

-LAUGHTER

-Feel your eyes disappear into it.

Mainly because of these hatched lines.

They're horrendous. And feel it. It feels horrible.

-It's not a good wood, is it?

-It's horrible.

It's grey, it's small, it's on wheels.

You think, if you put a little kid in there, give him a plunger,

he's a little Dalek.

It's multifunctional, that's what it is!

Which one of you actually did finally say,

"It's going to be a box on wheels"? Who was the one..?

You know, I don't even know. I don't know...

No-one was responsible for designing it.

No-one said, "Oh, I designed it."

I just don't know how it came to this!

Wasn't the problem that you didn't have anything better,

so this box that you were then going to use words to describe it

that magically would make it multifunctional,

but actually, it was just a box on wheels.

-Yeah, was the problem that they went for everything?

-Everything.

Seat, lap tray...

All the different sides would have different functions,

rather than having no functions at all.

And the thing is, though, when you've got...

it was supposed to be a lap tray, wasn't it?

But without a cushion, it's not a lap tray.

-It's just a plank of wood.

-LAUGHTER

-RICHARD:

-It did have grooves!

In the Argus pitch, actually, in the Argus pitch, they said,

"Look, and you can lift this off and you put it back on,

"and if someone else is in the room and you're looking at your laptop,

"you can wheel this around, and show them what's on it."

And the guy said, "Or you could pick up your laptop and go like that!"

LAUGHTER

I've never felt the need to put a good bit of wood between me

and the laptop, just to, you know, for what?

And the notion that... That was quite...

You know, you put your pen there so it wouldn't roll away. It's amazing!

And one other thing as well, if you put a marble in,

it's actually not a bad little... oh, oh, oh!

-It's a game! A toy!

-Well done!

-Wa-hey!

-CHEERING

Two functions already!

Last week, Uzma was at odds with Rebecca.

Tonight, it was Natalie who got the evils.

Uzma, you SAID!

-This is what you came up with!

-That's really unfair.

-I don't care if that's unfair, it's the truth!

-It isn't the truth!

-Yes, it is! Look me in the eyes.

-I AM looking you in the eyes!

SINISTER MUSIC

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

We're only at week three, and already

there's an enormous amount of fighting on the women's team.

Yeah, well, they haven't won.

And the problem is, as I've said on the show,

there's a lot of talkers and not very many listeners.

And I think it's going to get better when the teams, you know,

get mixed up, because then you're going to bring a balance,

and then one of the girls will be on a winning team, which will be good!

You know, there's a lot of tension in the air,

there's a lot at stake, they all want to win.

And you find, actually, in this process,

for the first sort of three tasks,

everyone's fighting for their corner.

They want to make their voice heard.

They want to come across to Lord Sugar as in charge,

confident, know what they're doing.

And then, by task four, they realise that actually,

working together as a team

and getting the best out of each other means no-one gets fired.

And they start to learn that as the process goes on.

But they haven't learnt it by this stage.

This isn't series one, though, you know?

This has been running for nine series. Surely people arrive in...

You say that, but now you're talking about entrepreneurs.

People that work on their own, that run their own business,

that listen only to themselves,

that make all the decisions themselves.

And suddenly, they're in this process with 15 other people.

There's 16 of them,

each of them thinking they're top dog, and it creates fireworks.

And it takes a while to settle down

and for the voice of reason to emerge,

but it does emerge eventually.

The three we want to see in the boardroom is Uzma, isn't it?

Louisa, and Neil Clough. That...

You're going to need earplugs for that one, Karren!

-Earplugs and a shotgun!

-LAUGHTER

Karren, I wish to take a moment, if I can, to applaud you

for the panache with which

you first raised then dashed the hopes of one team tonight.

Karren, the catalogue chain for Evolve.

They really loved your pitch.

And they really liked you guys.

But they hated the product.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

OMINOUS MUSIC

And they didn't place any orders.

JUBILANT MUSIC

APPLAUSE

Their little faces!

Well, it was true!

They did like the girls, and they did like the pitch,

but the product was rubbish.

I mean, we could all see the product was rubbish.

I mean, I remember Alan calling me when we were out on task

saying, "What is the product like?" I said, "You wait till you see it!"

And he said, "Oh, what, is it great?" I was like,

-SHE SUCKS IN BREATH

-"You wait till you see it!"

And, er...yeah.

Andy, have you been impressed with the girls' team?

Well, you know, I noticed there has been a few issues,

as you were saying, and then Lord Sugar then goes, didn't he,

"Well, you know what women are like!"

And you had to go, "Excuse me?!" I thought at that point

you should have just had an argument with him for a laugh.

You know, "Look into my eyes, Lord Sugar! Look into my eyes!

"Look! Look!"

Sophie, let's hear what Lord Sugar

and your fellow candidates had to say about you.

Sophie, in the first three weeks, made no impression upon me at all.

She is well qualified on paper

but that didn't translate into the real world.

I think Sophie is quite a weak character.

I don't know if she adds much value

or whether she is rolling with everything.

I'm not sure what Sophie's role was.

I do think that she tends to just stay safe

and that we carry her little bit.

I understand that Sophie runs her own restaurant so, clearly,

she has some abilities.

But she never demonstrated those abilities to me

and that's why she had to go.

I don't think that that should be taken in any way

as kind of some character attack.

What have you learnt from the few weeks you've had in,

-dealing with these feisty persons?

-Yeah.

Other than not to work with any of them again.

What have you learnt?

I think that these people, you know, the girls especially,

they're very successful and all credit to them

but I think, some of them, there is a reason why

they work by themselves because they just can't work with other people.

I think it's just, you know, a really good thing, especially

cos I am so young, to go out there and be able to do that cos

I don't want to get to their age and then become a character like that.

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Go, Sophie!

-Well.

-I think you can be nice...

-Baby-faced assassin.

LAUGHTER

-No, I think you can be nice and do business.

-Yes, you can, of course.

I think the majority of the candidates show that and I think

people go in at the start of the show and think, "I've got to be a bitch,

"I've got to be the loud one,

"I've got to be the dominating one to be successful." But that's not life.

-That isn't life.

-No, it's not. You're absolutely right.

That doesn't reflect, generally, in business.

Also, none of the winners of this show have been the ones you'd

remember as being bitchy or domineering or...

Well, that's right. And there's two scales.

You get very, very loud ones that go very, very quickly

cos Alan really is not looking for someone who is

constantly, you know, shouting with no purpose

and also the very, very quiet ones that can't be heard

cos they don't have any presence in the meetings, they don't have any

presence in the rooms and presence in the pitches - they go as well.

And eventually the process eliminates the extremes

and we see some really credible and quality people come through.

Richard, you have made millions. Not to pry into your finance!

But you've done well with stuff, on innovation, on product,

on bringing very distinct product.

What is the rule for, like, devising a new product?

We saw the opposite of it here.

Yeah, just what we saw was the exact opposite.

The design by committee thing, that can't work.

Somebody has got to be in charge.

I thought Natalie, as a project manager, was a complete

shambles on this project because she wasn't decisive

-and she let everybody's opinion count.

-Yeah.

And there is a point where she has got to say,

"Well, you have done design so let's hear from you.

"You're in that space, you're good at that so you come to the fore."

Not just cast the net out so everybody's idea is heard

and everything then gets thrown into the box, as it did.

If they had stopped when they had had two suggestions for sides on

the cube, if they had stopped at the wine and the cushion, let's say...

Stop at anything and gone, "We're just going to go with this.

"We are going to push it and make that as positive as possible."

Rather than just drowning under semi-suggestions.

Yeah, there is a possibility you can go the over-engineer route.

You know, we have been there ourselves.

Where somebody comes up with an idea

and the actual basic initial idea can sometimes be the winner.

Then somebody throws in an extra bit here and an extra bit there

and it all adds on to the cost and the complexity.

The USP that was originally thought of gets forgotten.

So when you come to the pitching process, in front of Argos,

these really experienced buyers,

they are struggling to understand, actually, what is it?

What is that big thing that we can put on the page,

put online and say, "We are selling this

"because it does this one thing better than anything else and

"is different from anything else."

For a company like yourselves that brings out ranges of different

toys, there must be a percentage. 10% of the time you must...

-It might not work.

-I would say 90% of the time.

-Really?

Yeah, the chances of hitting on one thing right from the beginning

is fairly limited and the more ideas you have,

the more ideas that go into the pot to start with is great,

but then the project manager has to decide, "We are taking

-"these ones forward with these benefits." And that is it.

-Yeah.

-KAREN:

-It's benefit was it was multifunctional.

LAUGHTER

OK, now, we haven't focused on Jordan so far

but tonight he was the winning PM.

If people want to take just 30 seconds each to explain

an idea that they've had.

The idea was literally pin out, fold it down, it's a table

-with storage facilities at the bottom.

-I actually really like that.

It can be a bedside table, it can be a chair for outside.

It's so multifunctional. This is a multifunctional chair.

In a matter of seconds, this chair stows away as a table.

I like the idea of it. So, we would start off with an order for 200.

We would love to do that.

Endeavour have sold 3,216 and the ladies, 174.

Do you think they are sat there thinking,

-"I can't believe we didn't sell any boxes?"

-Exactly.

No, no, it was a box with wheels.

And also you can eat your dinner off the top so it's a table as well!

That was handy, wasn't it?

-Yeah!

-Like the Rocky video.

So, Jordan, he was a good project manager. He seemed to be, anyway.

Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, they had a good idea,

they worked on it together,

they developed something that people could see had been

thought of intelligently and he was happy to let the people

that could pitch pitch, he made a decision not to let Zee pitch

because he had been unsuccessful twice and those are really...

That's about organising and managing people properly

and I think he did a good job this week.

Is it important sometimes to go with the vision?

If somebody has a good idea, go with it?

I think absolutely Alex showed that, didn't he? And they backed it.

They backed a winner. Jordan, again, showed his decisiveness

and his management skills.

When they all started to agree, that was it - bang. Let's go with this.

-I thought it was a great product.

-It was a good idea. And actually,

do you know what else they did?

-They completely ignored their market research.

-I know.

That must cut you to the quick.

Their market research mainly involved going to men in bus stops.

LAUGHTER

Exactly, yeah. Where do they go?

Just these guys going, "Oh, I don't know."

Yeah, you're absolutely right that the one who really measured up

in this particular task was, of course, Alex.

Try and sit down.

This is a normal seating position.

If I just sit down like that...

Oh, God. Bloody hell.

Take that height...

Can we just...?

Not you, Jordan. Somebody average-sized.

What's that?

LAUGHTER

Here it is. Here is Alex's vision made flesh. Just do that and that.

That's how ridiculously straightforward that is.

You know, it's a really, really...

And it's got Foldo written, actually carved into the wood as well.

So, is there a market for a grown-up highchair?

LAUGHTER

Which is, essentially, what this is.

He got everything so right, didn't he? He got that USP right.

So how could he get the legs so wrong?

The thing with this is, it's a prototype.

People could see the simplicity of the idea, the multifunction -

genuine multifunction - of it could be something.

I think what people are doing when they are buying this product

is they are saying, "We're not buying that. We are not buying

"that as the finished product, we are buying into the idea,"

and, actually, with a few tweaks and adjusting the height

and finishing it off a little better, they would buy it.

I think I agree with that. We find when we present prototypes, there is

a 70% finished product, always, that you are putting forward.

It's the 30%, then, that comes in time.

-Do you think it is a good product?

-I think it's a great product.

Do you think it is a good product?

I think the way Alex's brain showed that it worked was fantastic

-and he got the vision straightaway.

-Do you think it is a good product?

I wasn't convinced by the name Foldo.

That sounded more like a character from Lord Of The Rings to me.

OK, though the boys came up with a praiseworthy product,

it wasn't all plain sailing for Zee.

I've got a bloke over there thinks he's Napoleon.

Napoleon, at the age of 32, he conquered the world.

That is where I'm headed.

-My legs are very comfortably fitting under your table.

-OK.

So I'm nicely sat there. I can eat my food.

I just think, "Unlucky with the first one."

I'm here to conquer. I'm here to take over. I will go down in history.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

I don't think it is for our target market.

I will be one of the greats of this generation in business.

Period. That is a fact.

Let's shake hands. Let's do some business here.

Let's start a relationship.

I'm really not convinced.

People who have met me, well, they should cherish it

because they will know that, "We knew someone who did something great."

I want you to do this one, Kurt.

200 years after I live, people will read about me in books.

Setting rather a high standard for himself there, isn't he?

I think he actually believes that as well.

He talks nonsense management-speak, doesn't he?

He always says things like, "Going forward,"

and, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

I mean, "Going forward," is a horrible phrase, isn't it?

I even heard Steven Gerrard say, "Going forward."

For a footballer, fair enough. But the way he said it was...

He didn't use it in that sense.

He said, "We didn't spend enough of the game attacking.

"That's something we need to look at going forward."

LAUGHTER

In the pitch, I would worry about putting him forward.

Jordan did the right thing in not putting him forward the third time.

I think, you know, a lot of people will turn off from this

-kind of style in selling.

-It's aggressive selling.

He's still not as bad as Neil Clough though. The sales orgasm -

what the hell was that about? Get someone to say yes three times.

You can imagine him just desperately trying to get someone to say yes,

couldn't you? He has got two yeses

and he's going, "Er...what is the opposite of no?

"Er...are you a human being? Er..."

LAUGHTER

Jason, by contrast, is a man of learning

and I see that the other candidates are hoping to soak some of that up.

I am learning to make my language more flowery due to Jason.

-Recapitulate.

-Recapitulate.

He teaches me my words of the day.

A word with more than two syllables.

Jason, what is the word of the day today?

The word of the day is recalcitrant.

Penitence. Penitence is the word.

Jason's word of the day is spiffing.

Spiffing? No, that is very boring.

I am polymorphous.

Puerile.

Auxiliary. A-U-X-I-L-L-I-A-R-Y.

-Is it double L?

-Of course it is.

-Clickety-boo. That goes like that.

-Clickety-boo(!)

-Clickety-boo.

Tickety-boo.

-Is he a bit of a dote? Is he sweet?

-I love Jason.

I am Jason's number one fan. He is a great guy. I want him to win.

Actually, I think people genuinely warmed to him.

They liked his eccentric ways of his talking and he is very well read.

You know, Nick and I called him a young fogey

because he is older for his years of a very young man.

I think you have definitely not seen the best of Jason yet.

I have this nightmare image of him shoving a load of tat

in the back of a truck going, "Bang it in there. Bang it in."

LAUGHTER

"Don't be recalcitrant with me. Get it into the truck.

"Buy 'em cheap, sell 'em high."

Now to the vote.

Richard, do you think Lord Sugar was right to fire Sophie?

I think it was very close.

I think you're lovely, very nice but you need a few more

-years of experience and I think, yes, he was right.

-OK.

Absolutely, Sophie, I endorse that and, obviously, what Alan said

to you, and hopefully you will get your confidence back

-and you'll learn from the process.

-Andy?

I felt very sorry for you. I thought it was a design fault.

I thought Natalie should have gone.

Natalie's big thing that she was good at, she was good at delegating,

wasn't she? So, you know, she said she was creative but then

didn't create. She said she could sell but then didn't sell

and I think she should have been fired.

But, sadly, in the end, she delegated that as well.

-So I felt you were very unlucky.

-We'll throw it over to yourselves.

If you agree with Lord Sugar, hold up Fired.

If you disagree, hold-up Hired.

Oh, it's very, very close. It's very, very close.

I'm going to go 50-50, maybe edging towards Fired, unfortunately, yeah.

-ANDY:

-I think you're colour blind!

It has been an absolute pleasure to have you here.

-But there are things we don't want to hear you say, right?

-OK.

We don't want ever to hear you say, so we'll save you the effort.

We got them printed on a T-shirt instead.

So, any time somebody... This is our gift from you. It's just says...

LAUGHTER

APPLAUSE

So, that's for you.

Thanks. I'll wear it forever.

You made it till week three, Sophie.

Here are your highlights.

I see myself as a female Justin Bieber.

I am young, I'm fresh, got loads of energy, lots of passion.

She just bounces around the house

and bounces off different walls.

I am pumped for this.

I know what people want. Union Jack mug. And I can run in heels.

I can do business very well.

Got a mug. Limited edition.

New red ale, rhubarb and caramel flavour.

Thank you very much. Thank you. How good is that?

Sophie is like a little firecracker.

-Fun, young.

-Really bubbly.

One of the most sweetest people, I think, in the house.

THEY SQUEAL

Ladies and gentlemen, Sophie Lau.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That's it for tonight. Thanks to all my guests.

If you want more, go to our website at...

..where you will find audition clips and Matt Edmondson's

awkward conversations with the three fired candidates.

You will also find us on Twitter and Facebook.

Next week, a task to set up a farm shop leaves one candidate

reaping a poor harvest.

MOO!

-Oh, my Lord, they're loose.

-Hello.

-Make the cabbage happy.

-Moo!

-Straight from the farm.

-If I run, will they charge?

The birds only laid them two days ago.

-Agh!

-Chop, chop.

-I don't mind dressing up as a scarecrow.

Come here, you.

MOOING

-Hold me tight.

-We're going to be gone.

-I can't sell that.

-You are foul.

Come on up to Fruity Cow!

MOO!

See you at the same time next Wednesday. Good night.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd