Episode 4 The Apprentice: You're Fired

This was mayhem. That don't look good. It is not rocket science.

Couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery. Bloody clueless.

You're fired. You're fired. You're fired.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good evening and welcome to The Apprentice: You're Fired.

Worth noting, by the way, that we have blown most of this week's budget on set-dressing of vegetables

and straw, just to be in theme with the show as it will happen tonight.

But obviously we have kept the budget tight, like the teams did(!)

We will be selling all of this off at the end of the show.

As ever, with the help of unseen footage

we will be peeling away the layers of the farm shop task

and we will be enjoying yet again that delicious moment where one candidate

met someone who doesn't want to hear your suggestions, thanks.

-Have you tried buffalo, Lord Sugar?

-No, I haven't.

-Maybe you should.

Right.

Now to our panel, who can't wait to get their teeth into this task.

Chef and entrepreneur Rick Stein,

BBC Countryfile's Julia Bradbury, and comedian Josh Widdicombe -

welcome to You're Fired.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Tonight's task of choosing products to sell in a farm shop led to one

candidate reaping more than they could sow.

Uzma, no smoke without fire, I say.

I'm sorry, Uzma, you're fired.

Thank you for the opportunity, Lord Sugar.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Uzma Yakoob.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Uzma, many ways to start,

obviously one of the things is just it is a pleasure to see you

cos you and I, we are both in the looking-good business

and...it's a pleasure to finally meet you.

But as well as that, may I compliment you on what we just saw there,

which is one of the most choked-on, "Thank you for the..."

HE MUMBLES

You didn't quite get the full thank you out at that point.

-No, I didn't. It was hard to come out.

-Was it tough?

-Erm...

I expected it, to be honest.

Third time in the boardroom, what are the odds?

As soon as Neil called my name I knew, "Right, that's it.

"I might as well say goodbye to all of you lot now." I knew...

You should have just gone in with a little suitcase...

"Can we get this thing moving, cos there's a train I could catch?"

You know, cos he did draw this one out a bit.

-You know, yadda yadda yadda...

-Just get to the point!

Yeah, OK. Let's see why you didn't blossom on this particular task.

You know what? You're going to see me in action today.

You could put me inside or outside, I'll be good anywhere.

Hello, blackberry, sir? This is not cool.

Uzma, third time in this final three.

What is it about you that alienates other people in this process? Because

he is the second person that has said you don't seem to do anything.

-Sounds harsh. I mean, you run businesses.

-Absolutely.

-You have a couple of businesses at the moment?

-I have one business.

-Yep, and it is expanding and everything.

-Absolutely.

It doesn't involve selling in the street, presumably, cos you looked...

No, sometimes I have to sell,

but not in the streets, in trade shows, so...

That's different. Selling in the street didn't... I can understand that being something you...

Cos you looked as if you really didn't want to be doing that.

Let's just put it this way, I realised how reserved I was

when I was put in the street with...

-With Alex?

-Yes.

I mean, that is tough. That can be dispiriting.

-Every business there is a bit where you...

-Very dispiriting, but I must say,

I don't think you were given the right sort of job, really.

Absolutely.

I mean, talking to you now, I feel like I'd probably put you

in the right job, rather than...

There's just too much squabbling going on

and not enough cooperation, really.

I think there is no real attempt to find out where people's

strengths are and try and mould them into some team.

-Is your view that they shouldn't have opened a fruit and veg shop?

-Well...

"You should have worked in the beauty trade, would have been a lot better!"

If you had sold lipstick instead, that would've been better.

That would have been fantastic - if you had taken the shop

and just basically run a make-up shop ahead of it.

"Wait a minute, didn't I send you...?"

"Yeah, we had some carrots at the front and then we rubbed them

"every so often on people's faces and told them it was a preparation."

That would have been more your thing.

That's the whole point though, isn't it? It is incredibly difficult.

Every week you are put into these different situations where

you are not necessary comfortable, and that is what you have to try and strive to overcome,

and I think it looked as if you were uncomfortable walking around

that particular area of London in your very high, lovely shoes...

-Thank you.

-What's with the height of the shoes?

Yourself and Natalie have got...

Natalie in particular had proper... Sitting on a wedge,

then another long thing coming out of it...

And trust me, I've tried that on Countryfile. It doesn't work.

You've got to dress appropriately for your environment.

-What do you wear? Just very sensible country shoes?

-You've just got to wear sensible...

And also in that environment, you are selling food produce.

It is a relaxed, informal environment so you have to try

-and adapt to that.

-How do you get on in the farms, then? Do you enjoy that?

On the farms we had to wear flat shoes - that was fine.

But I do not find wearing high heels uncomfortable.

-I live in high heels.

-I don't think the reason you were sacked was because you wore high heels.

I don't want to come across as some man who is going,

"What's with those shoes that tilt upwards at the front

"and end up on a spike?" They have gone really high.

You should have dressed as a turnip. That would have gone a lot better.

-Yes.

-I do want to talk to you, however, because it may be...

Look, it wasn't as if you did anything especially wrong

in this task that could be pinned on you.

Maybe an accumulative affect.

We may have to go back to the point where the chips became

stacked against you during the design task last week.

I'm very good at designing. I definitely have creative vision.

I can make it look good. I'm in the look-good industry.

That don't look good.

-..Wishy-washy, poxy-boxy.

-Could you just agree that the design makes it?

Yeah, it does. It looks lovely.

The designs on the side make it look a bit like a garden planter.

Uzma, in your application - "..keeping up-to-date with current

"trends for design."

That's exactly what I do, Lord Sugar, and this is...

You are in a time warp if that is what you call keeping up-to-date.

I did not design that!

-What you did say was the product had to be glueless.

-Glueless?

More like bloody clueless!

CHEERING

Is any small part of you excited to see it again?

-Can you not tell(?)

-Yeah, I can see how thrilled you are.

Do you remember the Tony Hart music from the gallery?

# Doo doo doo doo... #

And slowly spin it... # Doo doo doo... #

To get the full sense of how beautiful it was.

Let's be honest though, it would be much worse-looking

without the grooves and the colour.

-I think so, look.

-That's awful, that's awful!

-That's fantastic!

-Absolutely.

-You have stuck with it, cos you have a similar pattern on the arms of your dress as well.

-Absolutely.

-As if you've gone, "That is the pattern I like."

-I support it.

Was your original vision that it would also be

in a kind of a diamond/diamante/Swarovski-type...?

"We'll have that?"

I did actually say, "Put mirrors on it,

"we will do something that makes it look attractive."

That would be even better, wouldn't it? If it was covered in mirrors.

You could spend ages watching it disappear, arriving and leaving.

-"Here I am again."

-Multifunctional.

-Keep your make-up in it, yes!

-Multifunctional.

-Once you've used your laptop you can hang it from the ceiling and have a '70s disco.

It would be amazing.

I have been in people's houses with bits of industrial-looking design like that.

I have seen tables made of old planks

and bits of welded-together steel. What's the difference?

At the time did you go, "That is an attractive piece of furniture"?

-No, no, I have to say.

-So there is no difference at all.

-We got your application form, by the way.

-Oh, lovely.

-Yeah.

Your worst business skill is that your directness can be

misconstrued as rudeness.

I would put it to you that you have been quite direct...

-over the last few weeks.

-Bit of a problem between you two?

-There is not a problem, to be really honest, Karren.

-There is a problem.

-Uzma, why are you undermining me all the time?

-I'm not.

You are, and why are you being so provocative?

It is not personal - this is business.

It is personal - you have been undermining me the whole time.

Why are you pointing your finger at me? Who is the sub-leader?

-OK, well, lead then.

-You need to let me speak.

You pass the buck and then you jump on good ideas.

-Not really, not really.

-Who is passing the buck?

-Uzma.

-Not really.

I trusted to put you in the group because you are a designer.

-You claim to be a designer.

-I said...

-Excuse me, excuse me.

-It isn't the truth.

-Yes, it is.

-Really?

-Look me in the eyes.

-I am looking you in the eyes.

-Look...

-That is so unfair.

-She always passes the buck.

-Oh, really?

-May I say something?

I'm losing it here, ladies. I'm losing it.

Why do you think you clashed, or there were

so many clashes between the different women?

With the women all together, we've all got quite strong personalities.

Most of us run our own businesses or are in quite high positions

in the jobs that we are doing...

Everyone had an opinion and the thing is everyone

thought their opinion was the one, you know, that mattered.

I am quite direct like that.

Yeah, yeah, I would say.

I had to be direct, otherwise I would be like, "Oh, she is the quiet one. The stay-safe one."

I did not want to be that. I wanted to voice how I felt.

-They are still there though, aren't they? That is the difference.

-They are.

But it is very difficult as a woman in that situation.

It is this vegetable medley of emotions and egos...

-Vegetable medley, I like that.

-Exactly.

-Where did you get that metaphor from?

-It's just came to my mind.

And as a woman who is opinionated

and is used to running their own business

and you are quite strong-willed, women do come across as being

pushy and bossy and it is a different approach to men.

Men - it is all about, "Oh, I'm better than you are!"

"Myles, I've got a six-pack and I've got stubble in two hours, grrr!"

Whereas women, you want to make yourself heard

but you ALL want to make yourself heard, so it just gets noisy.

Rick, you have teams all the time.

Well, look, I do, but the problem essentially is if you are going to do

something like run a farm shop, you've got everyone working together.

Plus, the one thing that always assails me in The Apprentice

is that nobody seems to really care about what they are selling.

If you want to sell well you have got to at least put in some

genuine pleasure in what is being sold.

You work in the restaurant trade,

so presumably you have a lot of people arriving for seasonal work...

Are you telling me that all of your staff at all times, Rick,

really care?

You aren't an employer... Obviously, by the nature of the business,

where people are there for three months...

I mean, of course they don't. Of course they don't.

But if I ever catch the buggers not caring...!

I see it all the time with them faking it.

I was only in the deli yesterday and they are saying, "Oh, we have

"got your special Japanese mayonnaise in, Rick, we sold 24 yesterday."

You know, it is easy. You just, like...

-Fake it.

-You fake it a bit.

Well, listen, the whole focus isn't on you for this, by the way.

In this week's task you were fired

but Kurt nearly ended up crying over his spilt milkshakes.

I got the feeling that the milkshakes took over this task.

# His name was Ernie and he drove the fastest milk cart in the West... #

Amazing mark-up on the milkshake.

# Ernie... #

I think we go for milk.

You made the fatal error of putting a number, a stake in the ground.

We can take £600 on that.

We've got a lot of shakes to be selling today.

-Easy.

-Neil, you asked them to go and buy some other stuff.

-Yeah.

-Definitely get some pears.

-I don't think so.

-I think a couple of them could sell quite well.

-I don't.

This task is about having a farm shop, not just milkshakes.

If you thought forcing him

to go down this shakes route was going to be your chance

to prove to me that your business model is solid, then you've failed.

Rick, a hell of a mark-up, isn't it?

It's 40p for ingredients, about £3.50 you were selling it for? £3.50?

Well, it is a hell of a mark-up but the price is not that special, is it?

You've got to sell an awful lot of that to make the sort of money

that won the day, really.

I must say, when I first watched that I thought they were on a winner,

because it is much easier to get out on the street

and sell milkshakes, and they seemed to be doing well,

but the basic problem is there is not enough.

Your margin is one thing, but your turnover is the other.

Something like buffalo is a very, very high-value product.

OK, your margin isn't the same, but you can make some money,

you can turn over a lot of money with that.

You only need ten good customers to buy your buffalo as opposed to 200,

and you don't know what the footfall's going to be in that particular area.

I liked when Alex said, "People don't just pop out for milk,"

and you're thinking, "That's exactly what they do!"

The phrase, "I have to

"pop out for some milk..."

"No, no, I have to pop out for some buffalo."

It's just in the house. How do you think it gets there, Alex?

The milk fairies arrive every day and, "Oh, the milk fairy's been again."

"Some morning we'll catch him. He flies around..."

What school did Jordan go to

where they went around with ostrich burger vans? Where's that school?

MIMICS ICE CREAM VAN MUSIC

"Oh, the ostrich van has come again.

"Everybody, gather together your money for the ostrich van!"

It's going away!

Bernie Clifton at the front doing the whole ostrich thing, oh, that would be amazing.

For the last three weeks, we have seen Neil being quite

the back-seat driver, and champing at the bit to take control.

This week was his big chance.

Some of the things that you say in your CV is that you are not

-afraid to trample over people.

-Absolutely.

I'll have the final say on it.

I don't want to think about it. Just go with it.

I don't want any arguing.

I'm a born leader. I can lead a team to get the best out of them.

Right, it's done.

Can I just say something? People...

I don't want to talk about it any more. It's done.

Just do it.

I'm pretty confident. I think we've done enough to win.

It's a fine line, you know, between confidence and being a bit cocky.

Listen, the simple thing is,

we win the task - we all stay, none of us gets fired.

Well, you lost...

Neil, have you been knocked down a few pegs now?

Absolutely not.

What's he like in real life?

Is he as abrasive and sure of himself?

He's very much like that.

He's a nice guy, I mean, Neil's a lovely guy,

but in this whole process you saw him like that all the time.

I just thought the sort of power-play between those two was fabulous

drama, I mean, it's like a plot for a sort of, I don't know,

-the second-in-command of a ship, sort of thing.

-Absolutely.

But one of the joys.... It is high drama because it is such low stakes in the sense of,

"Dum-dum-dum... You said 200 milkshakes...

"I put you before the council of elders,

"where you can explain yourself in front of...

"The Galactic Senate will now hear from you."

"Erm, 200, I thought.

Let's hear what Lord Sugar

and your erstwhile colleagues had to say about you.

Uzma claims that she is creative.

Well, I never saw much evidence of that,

and certainly not in last week's design task.

I don't think Uzma's performance was up to par.

She didn't have much creative vision.

She didn't do anything much on the task day.

She made no decisions.

I don't think Uzma has got a business mind at all.

I don't think she really knows what margin is.

Uzma has been in the firing line on three occasions.

She never demonstrated any of the skills needed to

go into business with me, and that's why I fired her.

Do you want to retract anything you said about Neil being nice?

It is what it is. I don't need to put other people down to make

myself feel confident about myself.

-They've got an opinion - it doesn't affect me.

-Course not.

What were you going to do, had you gone to the end, and are you still

continuing on that path - do you have the same business proposal?

Absolutely. I have got two make-up brands which I

-sell online at the moment.

-Right.

The idea is to take one of them into the shops.

-Fantastic. OK, well, the best of luck with that.

-Thank you very much.

At the start of the task some of the candidates behaved

as though they had landed on a different planet,

when they went to a mysterious place known as the countryside.

There's a really nice smell around here.

It's called manure.

Is that what it is? That one's got some kind of tumour.

-What is that?

-Broccoli.

-It's broccoli.

What are these?

Oh, my Lord, look!

Oh, my God, there's a bull. Oh, my God, there's another bull behind you.

-What is that there?

-What are those?

-What are they, sorry?

Look at this horse... I mean dog...!

Oh, no, I'm not going in there.

Look, you. Hello, sweetie. I'm here.

That's the easy bit, right, there you go. Oh, shit, he's involved as well, yes.

They're shouting.

There's one that looks like it's going to charge you, Neil - look behind!

Hello.

MOO!

-Julia, did this break your heart?

-Oh, dear me.

So, Alex, let's just mention his eyebrows.

Let's get that out of the way now.

Alex actually held up a bunch of carrots and asked, "What are these?"

I mean, even as a child, you watch Bugs Bunny, surely,

I mean, it's quite amazing.

Natalie incorrectly identified a cow first as a horse,

then a dog.

Yes, it is quite remarkable.

I've been in lots of situations where we have

taken people out into the countryside,

and the most bizarre experience was when somebody looked at a field full

of cows and said, "Are they beeves?"

As in, "Beef." "Are they beeves?"

I was like, "Uh-huh, those are beeves." Yes.

I think we all have a responsibility to learn the basics.

I think carrots is about as basic as you go.

Do you think he'd be able to name every vegetable on this table here?

Though whatever UK farm we got in, because they're doing really good bananas and oranges...

So we may not be particularly authentic ourselves here on this.

I couldn't name them - there's about ten of these I couldn't name.

-That's a pepper.

-That wasn't the one I was pointing out!

-A cabbage.

Cauliflower, aubergine, come on, are we doing basic food groups here?

All right then, Widdicombe, one, two, three, that one there...

The squash?

Don't tell him!! Don't tell him it's a squash - he would never...

-I can't see...

-Sorry.

-You can't see there?!

-Right, OK, here we go. What's the third one?

Excellent. Pass me the third one there. What is that?

I know what that is... Sweet potato.

I can go, look, pepper, banana, sweet potato, aubergine,

broccoli, oranges, squash, carrot, red onion,

something green...

LAUGHTER

..apple, I mean, I could go on.

Yeah, yeah, you trailed off slightly there.

Put that back - I know you know corns on the cob.

Louisa led her team to a win but didn't get much credit.

Still, she hid the disappointment of that very well.

I'm really hoping that I'll be the first project manager to lead

team Evolve to a win.

Don't go crazy on corn on the cob, but maybe buy six.

We're not going to dress the whole stall with six cobs, are we?

Engage brain!

I can't speak to her.

So, overall, then, a good project manager?

I think there were flaws all the way through.

STUDIO LAUGHTER DROWNS OUT SPEECH

..budget, and we had no direction at all in terms of

products we were looking for.

I think you might have them to thank -

if you'd just pioneered on the takeout stuff, you may not have had that win.

God.

Enjoy it - we won, we won, be happy!

AUDIENCE GROANS

Now, Rick, you thought the buffalo was a good idea.

Well, I did, because it is quite nice meat.

Baked potatoes, baked potatoes?

That was a real disaster, the baked potatoes, I must say. They looked terrible.

-They looked like parcels of vomit.

-And what was Jason doing?

Obviously he just thought they were baked potatoes,

people were really against Jason's baked potatoes...

What was he doing there in the kitchen?

He was making the baked potatoes, God love him!

-Who was making the soup?

-Rebecca.

They admitted it was disgusting, didn't they?

I love when they said "We can't give tasters

"because then no-one will eat it."

We can't show you the potato as they're so unimaginably hideous,

and we can't let you taste the soup.

If they'd made a nice soup, I know I am banging on about this,

but they might have felt, if they all tasted it, going

out into the street and saying, "Buy some soup, you'll love this."

I think their aspiration was to make nice soup -

I don't think they said, "Let's make really bad soup as an extra challenge for

"us among ourselves." And Louisa's management style, and all that?

Overall, unfortunately for Louisa,

she just comes across as being quite annoying.

I think it is difficult to make your mark -

you obviously want strength of personality

and your efficiency and all of your positives to come across.

That behaviour at the end with the whole,

"Well, I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought..." and the, "Morning, boys,"

is this just a coquettishness that she is just going to grow out of?

-You hope.

-And she has only got eight weeks to do that!

If she wants to win.

And also, when you're a project manager,

the pressure that you suddenly have, instead of just being a team member,

you do tone it down a little bit,

and I think she knew that, she was starting to annoy people in tasks,

and when she's got the pressure on her head, suddenly it is like,

"Let's make this work..." to some degree.

This week Jason was banished to the kitchen, but to the horror

of his team-mates there was a moment when he broke free.

I just go and I put things in people's hands and I say, "Look,

"isn't it amazing, of course you want to buy it," and they do.

It's a simple as that.

There they are. We are on the hunt for buffalo, aren't we?

I've been making those little bags that say,

"Make the cabbage happy - take it away for a pound."

Oh, that's creative.

This is a sad pack of potatoes, organic potatoes...

Honestly, Jason can't be out here!

And, look, I have nice tie on, as well.

-Jason's getting worse.

-Come closer and have a look at the tie!

Jason, you need to go inside.

Chutneys, three for a pound.

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

He looks like an estate agent selling vegetables.

-But he believed in the product.

-He did, he did.

-He was passionate, you have got to give him that.

-He was.

"I'm a cabbage - please buy me."

Can you see any talent in him?

-Not yet.

-It was when he jumped on that couple that were looking at...

it was like he was a presenter off The Crystal Maze.

It was just so weird.

-Completely different to the rest of the house, I presume?

-Absolutely.

Sweet?

I really like Jason. I felt sorry for him

because the other guys give him a hard time.

All the girls loved him

because he was just so sweet and genuine and spoke really posh,

and we just tried to figure out what he was saying all the time...

LAUGHTER

Candidates are understandably pleased when they win a task,

but Jordan may have taken it a tiny bit too far.

Let's look at some of the numbers here.

Your total is 1167.90.

Get in!

Sales to public, £1,147.

Get in.

And for the girls?

They hated the product. They didn't place any orders.

Yes, get in.

Come on, come on.

Nick, how about Evolve?

A profit of 631.52.

Get in!

Come on.

Come on!

Can I just remind you - this is not a football match.

-Sorry, Lord Sugar, I'm pleased to win.

-Hmmm.

APPLAUSE

We like passion...

We do, I'm surprised he didn't bodyslam somebody.

Run to the far end of the boardroom table and slide

all the way round!

When you are sat there

and you realise Jordan's behind you and they're reading out the results,

you must be thinking, "Please God, let me have lost."

"I'll take my chances in the boardroom rather than being hit."

He's done well - he has won four out of four. Led his team very well.

Because they're all physically scared of him.

OK, we're going to go to the vote.

Rick, just of the three who were in front of him

at the time, do you think Lord Sugar was right to fire Uzma this week?

I probably would have fired Neil, really.

I just think he lost it, really, with Kurt.

-So, Neil.

-Neil, OK. Julia?

I thought Uzma was very unlucky to be chosen to be

there and in that instance I would have fired Kurt,

because he is obsessed with smoothies and milkshakes

and I think that is his only business plan for the entire series

and I can't see him ever getting out of that trough.

It will be funny if he's in the taxi at the end, just...

A bit would get stuck.

You're fired.

I would. I liked it when he said,

"There's no smoke without fire. You're fired."

He said, for a new catch phrase,

"There's no smoke without...you're fired." That's what it should be called.

You're now smoking, and fired, at the same time!

OK, through to the audience - if you agree with Lord Sugar,

hold up FIRED. If you disagree, hold up HIRED.

Oh, I'm so sorry, that's very much going to be FIRED.

Listen, we thought long and hard over some gift to give

you that you could take away from this,

and it had to be something that had the countryside in it,

because we thought that's where we said farewell to you,

so we wanted something natural and something beautiful, and

we thought, "We'll get you a nice plant or something, and the only way that

"we can get you a plant is if we had a really good plant holder to put it in..."

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

If the plant dies we have got a lid

and you can use it as a laptop holder...

My mum is going to love this.

Yes, listen, I think it is a great thing,

but they made three of these in different sizes.

-You made it to Week Four, Uzma...

-Thank you very much.

Excuse me, which camera shall I do this to?

You made it to Week Four, Uzma, these are your highlights.

I'm a successful person in life and in business.

I'm the complete package.

I'm not scared of anything.

Oh, my god, do you guys know what you're doing?

I'm a woman with a lot of potential.

The outline is going to be metallic gold.

-Very nice, it's modern, it's nice.

-I get things done.

Definitely one of the better ones.

Uzma is quite the character.

I think she's a really top girl.

This is just the beginning.

Ladies and gentlemen, Uzma Yakoob.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

That's it for tonight.

Thanks to all of my guests. Now, remember to go to

our website for Matt Edmondson's awkward

conversations with all the fired candidates, plus loads more clips.

Now, next week's episode is on Tuesday night, not Wednesday,

but Tuesday night, when the candidates catch a flight to Dubai

but who will discover that it's a one-way ticket out of the boardroom?

Welcome to the United Arab Emirates.

The client has a list of eight items they want you to buy.

OUD, Owd?

Ud?

-Owd?

-Not bothered about the quality.

-He's talking crap.

-No, never.

-140 is 12cm.

-140 is 12cm?

A big bird and you put it on your arm and it flies away.

It would look like a pimple on an elephant.

Thank God I never sent you out to get 20 camels -

you'd come back with a packet of fags.

-Stop talking - we don't have time.

-I'm English.

It's a good one. I can't wait.

We'll see you next week, don't forget, Tuesday night at ten o'clock

and the whole main show is on at nine o'clock on BBC One, Tuesday night.

Goodnight.

APPLAUSE

Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd