13/08/1980 The Good Old Days


13/08/1980

Leonard Sachs chairs the old-time music hall programme from Leeds in 1976. With the Player's Theatre Group, the King's Singers, Bernie Clifton, Sheila White and Frankie Vaughan.


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Transcript


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MUSIC HALL INSTRUMENTAL

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# After the ball is over

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# After the break of day

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# After the dancers leaving

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# After the stars are gone

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# Many a heart is aching

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# If you could read them all

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# Many the hopes that have vanished

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# After the ball... #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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UP-TEMPO MUSIC

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YELPING

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# I love a lassie

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# A bonnie, bonnie lassie

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# She's as pure as the lily In the dell

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# She's as sweet as the heather

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# The bonnie, blooming heather

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# Mary, ma Scotch bluebell

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# I love a lassie,

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# A bonnie, bonnie lassie

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# She's as pure as the lily In the dell

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# She's as sweet as the heather

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# The bonnie, blooming heather

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# Mary, ma Scotch bluebell

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# Just a...

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# Wee docht and doris

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# Just a wee dram, that's all

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# Just a wee docht and doris

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# Afore ye gang awa'

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# There's a wee wifey waiting

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# In a wee butt and ben

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# If you can say, It's a braw bricht moon licht nicht

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# Then you're all right, you ken.

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# I'm roamin' in the gloamin'

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# On the bonnie banks o' Clyde

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# Roamin' in the gloamin'

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# With a lassie by my side

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# When the sun that's gone to rest

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# That's the time that I love best

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# Oh, it's lovely roamin' In the gloamin'. #

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WHOOPING AND CHEERING

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# Hark when the night is falling

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# Hear, hear, the pipes are calling

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# Loudly and proudly calling

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# Down through the glen

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# There where the hills are sleeping

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# Now feel the blood a-leaping

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# High as the spirits Of the old Highland men

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# Towering in gallant fame

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# Scotland my mountain hame

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# High may your proud standards Gloriously wave

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# Land o' the high endeavour,

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# Land o' the shining river

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# Land o' my heart forever

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# Scotland the brave

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# Land o' the heart forever

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# Scotland...

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# The brave... #

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Ah-hi!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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ENTRANCE MUSIC

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CHEERING

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CHEERING

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Once again...

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

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And say hello to your own Lord Mayor!

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CHEERING

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APPLAUSE

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Lexico-graphically...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..exploratory of eulogistic exactitudes...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..for your...illuminat-ory...

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elucidation...

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primarily momentous in mimic

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mountebankery...

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Miss Doreen Hermitage and Miss Jan Hunt!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# Mandolins

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# Violins

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# Hear the markers tuning up The fun begins

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# Come this way

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# Don't delay

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# Better hurry honey dear Or you'll be missing

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# Music sweet

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# What a treat

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# Goes right to your head And trickles to your feet

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# It's a reminder

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# A memory finder Of nights down in old Alabam'

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# You ought to see Mr Jones When he rattles his bones

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# Old Parson Brown Fooling round like a clown

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# Aunt Jemima who is past 83

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# Yelling, "I'm full of pep!"

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-# Watch your step

-# Watch your step

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# Or one-legged Joe Danced around on his toe

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# Threw away his crutch And hollered, "Let her go!"

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# Well honey, hail, hail The gang's all here

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# For the Alabama Jubilee!

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# Let's look in

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# It's a sin

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# We are wasting time So let the fun begin

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# Ho, ho!

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# What you got?

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# Quite a lot

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# Here's a hat and more than that So let's get started

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# Auntie Jane

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# Not again

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# Give your legs some exercise To this refrain

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# This is what makes us so happy And takes us

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# Back home go to our old Alabam'

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# You ought to see Mr Jones When he rattles his bones

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# Old Parson Brown Fooling round like a clown

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# Aunt Jemima who is past 83

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# Yelling, "I'm full of pep!"

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# Watch your step

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# One-legged Joe Danced around on his toe

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# Threw away his crutch And hollered, "Let her go!"

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-# Oh, honey, hail, hail!

-# Hail! Hail!

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# The gang's all here For an Alabama Jubilee! #

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INSTRUMENTAL

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THEY WHOOP

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APPLAUSE

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I say, I say, I say, why did the moth eat a hole in the carpet?

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I don't know, why did the moth eat a hole in the carpet?

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-Because he wanted to see the floor show!

-Ooh!

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LAUGHTER AND GROANING

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-I say, I say, I say.

-Why did he cover it up again?

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I don't know. Why did he cover it up again?

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-Because he didn't want to see the

-HOLE

-show!

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LAUGHTER AND GROANING

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RUSTLING

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MUSIC PLAYS ALONG

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MUSIC MIMICS GESTURES

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MUSIC HALL MUSIC

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GLOVES RUSTLE

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Whoo!

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# You ought to see Mr Jones

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# When he rattles the bones

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# Old Parson Brown fooling round like a clown

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# Aunt Jemina who is past 83

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-# Yellin' "I'm full o' pep!"

-Yay!

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# Watch your step Watch your step

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# One-legged Joe danced around on his toe

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# He threw away his crutch and hollered, "Let her go"

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# Oh, honey, hail! Hail!

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# Hail! Hail!

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# The gang's all here

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# For an Alabama Jubi...

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# Alabama Jubi...

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# Alabama

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# Jubilee! #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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-MUSIC ENDS

-Whoo!

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BAND INTRO STARTS

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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BAND INTRO ENDS

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Inexhaustively

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encapsulating

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-cadenzas... AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..coruscating

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in crystalline AUDIENCE CHATTERS

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sexduplicity.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Whoo!

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Ladies and gentlemen, The King's Singers!

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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MUSIC HALL INTRO PLAYS

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MUSIC HALL INTRO ENDS

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MUSIC: Danny Boy by Frederick Weatherly

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# Oh, Danny Boy

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# The pipes, the pipes are calling

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# From glen to glen

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# And down the mountainside

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# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

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# The summer's gone

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# And all the roses falling

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# 'Tis you, 'tis you, must go

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# And I must bide

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-# But come ye back

-Come back

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# When summer's in the meadow

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# Or when the valley's hushed

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-# And white with snow

-And white with snow

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# 'Tis I'll be here

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# In sunshine or in shadow

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# Oh, Danny Boy, oh, Danny Boy

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# I love you so... #

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THEY HUM TUNE

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# ..But when ye come... #

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THEY HUM

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# And all the flowers are dying... #

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THEY HUM

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# If I am dead

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# As dead I well may be

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# You'll come and find

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# The place where I am lying

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# And kneel and say

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# An ave there for me

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-# And I shall hear

-I'll hear

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# Though soft your tread above me

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# And all my grave

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# Will warmer...

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# Sweeter be

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# For you will bend

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# And tell me that you love me

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-# And I shall sleep in peace

-Sleep in peace

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# Until you

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# Come to me. #

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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BAND MUSIC PLAYS

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Perilous

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on the perimeter

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of injurious

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intrepidity...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..danger.

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LAUGHTER

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Bedazzling in bastinado!

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From Paris, the Sherdans!

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APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH

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CHEERING

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LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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LIVELY MUSIC PLAYS

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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WHIP SNAPS

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WHIP SNAPS

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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CYMBAL CLASH

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:15:510:15:52

MUSIC ENDS

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PIANO MUSIC PLAYS

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JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS

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CYMBAL CLASH

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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CYMBAL CLASH

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APPLAUSE

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CYMBAL CLASH

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APPLAUSE

0:17:550:17:56

CYMBAL CLASH

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APPLAUSE

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LIVELY MUSIC FADES

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QUIET DRUMROLL

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DRUMROLL LOUDENS

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DRUMROLL LOUDENS

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DRUMROLL STOPS ABRUPTLY

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AUDIENCE GASP, APPLAUSE

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MUSIC HALL MUSIC PLAYS

0:19:320:19:33

MUSIC HALL MUSIC ENDS

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You don't have to worry. They are good friends.

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LAUGHTER Erm, excruciatingly...

0:19:560:19:59

Sorry. LAUGHTER

0:19:590:20:00

..egregious in ornithological anthropomorphism.

0:20:000:20:05

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:20:050:20:07

A human bird.

0:20:070:20:08

Welcome to Mr Bernie Clifton.

0:20:080:20:11

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:20:110:20:12

MUSIC HALL MUSIC PLAYS

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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MUSIC HALL MUSIC PLAYS

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:20:260:20:27

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:20:270:20:29

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

0:20:290:20:30

HE LAUGHS, LAUGHTER

0:20:300:20:32

Steady now. Steady.

0:20:320:20:33

-Good evening.

-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

0:20:330:20:36

And welcome to the war hero. This is him.

0:20:360:20:38

LAUGHTER

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This is him, Oswald. Yes, he's a war hero.

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He's been fighting for you, missus.

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He's been over there in the trenches.

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Up to his neck in muck and millet.

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LAUGHTER

0:20:490:20:50

Steady, steady. Steady.

0:20:510:20:52

LAUGHTER

0:20:520:20:54

And all his mates sent him back.

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-LAUGHTER

-Yes, all his mates...

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How would you like to live in a billet full of millet?

0:20:590:21:01

-You wouldn't, would you?

-LAUGHTER

0:21:010:21:03

Yes, he comes from a long line of war heroes, actually, does Oswald.

0:21:030:21:06

His great-grandfather fought with Wellington.

0:21:060:21:09

Steady, steady.

0:21:090:21:10

His dad fought with Baden-Powell.

0:21:110:21:13

LAUGHTER

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And now, he's fighting with Kitchener.

0:21:140:21:16

That's the trouble with the whole family,

0:21:160:21:18

-they can't get on with anybody.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:180:21:21

-Watch it...

-LAUGHTER

0:21:210:21:22

-Whoa, whoa, steady.

-LAUGHTER

0:21:220:21:24

Whoa, whoa.

0:21:240:21:25

No, he's the hero of his regiment.

0:21:270:21:29

The 15th Ormskirk Foot and Mouth. That's him.

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LAUGHTER

0:21:320:21:33

Volunteer submarine reserve parachutist. Now...

0:21:330:21:36

And soon he'll be back at the front.

0:21:360:21:38

I said, soon you'll be back at the f...

0:21:380:21:40

No, no. Soon you'll be back at the...front...

0:21:400:21:42

-LAUGHTER

-I don't mean that. No.

0:21:420:21:44

Not back-to-front, back at the front.

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LAUGHTER

0:21:460:21:47

He's a bit deaf, you see. Shellshock.

0:21:470:21:49

Only with him, it's egg-shellshock.

0:21:490:21:51

LAUGHTER

0:21:510:21:52

And he's going back to the front to be a hero.

0:21:520:21:54

Have we got any rousing send-off music, Mr Herbert, please?

0:21:540:21:57

Let's try some.

0:21:570:21:58

TUNE: Goodbye Dolly Gray by Will D Cobb Paul Barnes

0:21:580:21:59

# Goodbye, Oswald

0:21:590:22:01

# You must leave us

0:22:010:22:03

# Though it breaks your heart to go... #

0:22:030:22:06

No, no, no.

0:22:060:22:08

Go, no? Not yet!

0:22:080:22:09

Not yet. Steady.

0:22:090:22:10

-LAUGHTER

-Not yet.

0:22:100:22:13

Get back!

0:22:130:22:14

I'm sorry.

0:22:140:22:16

Do continue.

0:22:160:22:17

MUSIC STARTS

0:22:170:22:18

SCATTERED LAUGHTER

0:22:210:22:23

# Something tells me I am needed

0:22:230:22:27

# At the front to fight the... #

0:22:270:22:29

Oh! Oh!

0:22:290:22:31

-MUSIC STOPS

-Oh! Oh! Not so fast!

0:22:310:22:33

Whoa, whoa.

0:22:330:22:34

-SCATTERED LAUGHTER

-Sorry.

0:22:340:22:37

MUSIC STARTS

0:22:370:22:38

LAUGHTER

0:22:390:22:41

# See, the soldier boys are marching

0:22:430:22:47

# And I can no longer

0:22:470:22:49

# Stay! #

0:22:490:22:51

HE JABBERS

0:22:510:22:53

# Hark, I hear the bugle call

0:22:530:22:56

# Goodbye, Dolly. #

0:22:580:23:00

-HE SHOUTS

-G...Gray!

0:23:000:23:02

INSTRUMENTAL

0:23:020:23:05

Hey!

0:23:070:23:08

-HE SHOUTS

-Whoa!

0:23:080:23:10

-HE SHOUTS

-Whoa!

0:23:100:23:12

Ooh!

0:23:120:23:13

Hey! Back up!

0:23:150:23:17

Whoa!

0:23:170:23:18

Whoa!

0:23:180:23:19

AUDIENCE SHOUTS

0:23:190:23:21

HE SHOUTS

0:23:210:23:24

Hey! Wah!

0:23:240:23:25

-Hey!

-LAUGHTER

0:23:250:23:27

HE SHOUTS

0:23:270:23:28

Whoa!

0:23:280:23:30

-Get y...

-LAUGHTER

0:23:300:23:32

Get your head out!

0:23:320:23:33

LAUGHTER

0:23:330:23:34

Get your... Now look what you've done!

0:23:360:23:38

LAUGHTER

0:23:380:23:39

You're missing all kinds of things here. There's...

0:23:390:23:41

there's ladies and gentlemen dressed up with beautiful dresses and...

0:23:410:23:45

there's a lady there with a lovely hat...hat on.

0:23:450:23:48

LAUGHTER

0:23:480:23:49

From a distance, it looks as if it's got ostrich feathers on it!

0:23:510:23:54

LAUGHTER

0:23:540:23:56

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:23:560:23:58

APPLAUSE

0:23:590:24:01

WOMAN LAUGHS

0:24:040:24:05

LAUGHTER

0:24:070:24:09

LAUGHTER

0:24:120:24:14

LAUGHTER

0:24:190:24:21

-ALL:

-Ooh!

0:24:240:24:26

What are you laughing at? You've got his favourite food on your hat!

0:24:260:24:29

LAUGHTER

0:24:290:24:30

Ooh, that's got... He's going to do his war dance now.

0:24:300:24:32

LIVELY DRUMMING

0:24:320:24:35

HE HUMS NONSENSICALLY

0:24:350:24:38

HE YELPS, AUDIENCE GASPS

0:24:390:24:42

HE SHOUTS, WOMAN YELPS

0:24:420:24:44

-HE SHOUTS

-Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

0:24:440:24:47

-Whoa!

-LAUGHTER

0:24:470:24:49

Steady.

0:24:490:24:50

Hardly worth the trouble. Now, ladies and gentlemen...

0:24:500:24:53

BUGLE PLAYS

0:24:530:24:54

What's that?

0:24:570:24:58

BUGLE ENDS

0:24:580:24:59

LAUGHTER

0:25:010:25:02

Do you know what that is?

0:25:040:25:06

That's your recall to barracks.

0:25:060:25:08

Oswald! You're going to be a hero.

0:25:080:25:09

-Come on. Ooh!

-LAUGHTER

0:25:090:25:11

Get your head out of there.

0:25:150:25:16

LAUGHTER

0:25:160:25:18

Get your head out. Get it out, get it out.

0:25:180:25:20

Steady, steady.

0:25:200:25:21

-I do apologise about this.

-LAUGHTER

0:25:210:25:23

Come on, Oswald.

0:25:230:25:25

LAUGHTER

0:25:250:25:27

Ah, yes, offer him a grape. See if that'll work.

0:25:270:25:29

AUDIENCE GASPS, LAUGHTER

0:25:290:25:30

Excuse me.

0:25:320:25:33

LAUGHTER

0:25:330:25:36

Steady.

0:25:360:25:38

LAUGHTER

0:25:380:25:39

Have you...?

0:25:410:25:42

HE SHOUTS

0:25:420:25:45

Have you found his beak yet?

0:25:450:25:46

LAUGHTER

0:25:460:25:47

You see some funny sights in your job, don't you?

0:25:530:25:55

LAUGHTER, BUGLE PLAYS

0:25:550:25:58

-That's it!

-ALL:

-Whey!

0:25:580:25:59

It's food! It's the cookhouse for him!

0:25:590:26:01

Come on, Oswald. Back to the cookhouse!

0:26:010:26:03

MILITARY DRUMMING

0:26:030:26:04

-AUDIENCE GASPS, HE SHOUTS

-Look out!

0:26:040:26:06

HE SHOUTS

0:26:060:26:08

Ooh!

0:26:080:26:10

Ooh!

0:26:100:26:12

BAND PLAYS

0:26:120:26:13

# I hear the bugle calling... #

0:26:130:26:15

AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG

0:26:150:26:17

# Goodbye

0:26:170:26:18

# Dolly

0:26:180:26:20

# Gray! #

0:26:200:26:23

-MUSIC ENDS

-Wahey!

0:26:230:26:24

-APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

-Come on!

0:26:240:26:26

MUSIC: Goodbye Dolly Gray by Will D Cobb Paul Barnes

0:26:260:26:29

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:26:290:26:31

BAND MUSIC ENDS

0:26:380:26:40

APPLAUSE

0:26:400:26:41

AUDIENCE MURMURS

0:26:430:26:44

A relation...

0:26:450:26:46

A relation of Leda's swan.

0:26:460:26:49

Delicious delineatrix of...

0:26:490:26:52

Ooh!

0:26:520:26:53

It's the feminine of delineator!

0:26:530:26:55

LAUGHTER

0:26:550:26:56

..of cautionary ditties.

0:26:560:26:59

Engaging in gaminerie,

0:26:590:27:01

Miss Sheila White!

0:27:010:27:04

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:27:040:27:05

MUSIC PLAYS

0:27:050:27:06

MUSIC: Heaven Will Protect An Honest Girl by Weston and Lee

0:27:090:27:13

IN COCKNEY ACCENT: # On the day I left the village

0:27:130:27:15

# My dear Mother whispered, Nell

0:27:150:27:18

# Take this piece of bread and dripping and your fare

0:27:180:27:21

# And remember when in London

0:27:210:27:23

# Though you're just a servant girl

0:27:230:27:26

# You're a blonde, the sort that gentlemen ensnare

0:27:260:27:31

# When you get to London, Nelly

0:27:310:27:33

# And to Waterloo

0:27:330:27:34

# There'll be crowds of lords and millionaires

0:27:350:27:39

# All waiting there for you

0:27:390:27:41

# But

0:27:430:27:44

# Heaven will protect an honest girl

0:27:440:27:46

# An an-gi-el will guard you, little Nell

0:27:480:27:51

# When these rich men tempt you, Nelly

0:27:520:27:54

# With their sparkling Moselley

0:27:540:27:56

# Say "Nay, nay!" and do be very care-fu-el!

0:27:560:28:01

# And if some old rascal roue swell

0:28:010:28:04

# Says I'll kiss you, we're alone in this hotel

0:28:050:28:08

# Nelly, pray he shall not do it

0:28:090:28:12

# And then biff him with the cruet... # DRUM PLAYS

0:28:120:28:15

LAUGHTER

0:28:150:28:16

# And Heaven will protect an honest girl

0:28:170:28:22

# La-da ti-dah, ti-dah, ti-dah

0:28:220:28:24

# Di-dah, di-dah, di-dah, di-dah

0:28:240:28:25

# Da-di, da-di, da-di

0:28:250:28:27

# Da-di, da-di, dah

0:28:270:28:29

# Oh-oh!

0:28:290:28:31

# Heaven will protect an honest girl

0:28:320:28:35

# An an-gi-el will guard you, little Nell

0:28:370:28:39

# When a rich men tempts you, Nelly

0:28:410:28:43

# With his sparkling Moselley

0:28:430:28:45

# Say "Nay, nay" and do be very care-fu-el!

0:28:450:28:48

# And if some old bloated blase roue swell

0:28:500:28:54

# Says I'll kiss you, we're alone in this hotel

0:28:540:28:59

# Nelly, pray he shall not do it

0:28:590:29:01

# And then biff him with the cruet... # DRUM PLAYS

0:29:020:29:05

LAUGHTER

0:29:050:29:06

# And Heaven will protect an honest girl

0:29:080:29:10

# La-da ti-dah, ti-dah, ti-dah

0:29:120:29:14

# Ti-dah, ti-dah, ti-dah

0:29:140:29:16

# Ooh! #

0:29:160:29:18

MUSIC ENDS

0:29:180:29:20

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

0:29:200:29:21

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:29:260:29:28

Right.

0:29:280:29:29

MUSIC HALL MUSIC PLAYS

0:29:290:29:31

# Here is a picture

0:29:340:29:35

# A man and a girl

0:29:350:29:38

# Strolling along in the shade

0:29:380:29:42

# He is a marquess The son of an earl

0:29:420:29:46

# She is a pure village maid

0:29:460:29:50

# He tells her he loves her

0:29:520:29:54

# Again and again

0:29:540:29:57

# She thinks he is loyal and true

0:29:570:30:00

# And then comes the night that he gives her champagne

0:30:020:30:08

# And does what he ought not to do... #

0:30:080:30:13

LAUGHTER

0:30:130:30:15

# Only a glass of champagne Ooh

0:30:150:30:20

# But it led a poor girl into sin... #

0:30:200:30:24

AUDIENCE JOINS IN SINGING # Only a glass of champagne

0:30:250:30:30

# Was the door where the devil crept in

0:30:300:30:34

# It's just an old story

0:30:340:30:37

# It's always the same

0:30:370:30:39

# Just like a poor moth She flew too near the flame

0:30:390:30:43

# She opened her wings

0:30:430:30:46

# And she lost her good name

0:30:460:30:50

# All through a glass of champagne... #

0:30:500:30:55

Oh!

0:30:550:30:58

A glass of champagne!

0:30:580:31:00

# But it led a poor girl into sin

0:31:000:31:05

# Only a glass of champagne

0:31:050:31:08

# Was the door where the devil crept in

0:31:080:31:14

# So all you young maidens

0:31:140:31:16

# Take warning from her

0:31:160:31:18

# If you're taken out by a lord or a sir

0:31:180:31:23

# Be careful you don't let the same thing occur

0:31:230:31:29

# All through a glass of champagne. #

0:31:290:31:35

CHEERING

0:31:350:31:38

BAND PLAYS MUSIC

0:31:430:31:45

CHEERING

0:31:500:31:53

Sartorially resplendent.

0:32:040:32:07

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:32:070:32:09

Vocally velutinous.

0:32:090:32:12

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:32:120:32:14

Velvety.

0:32:140:32:15

Your own, your very own Mr Frankie Vaughan.

0:32:150:32:20

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:32:200:32:23

MUSIC: Paradise by Frankie Vaughan

0:32:260:32:32

# And then she holds my hand

0:32:320:32:39

# La-la-la-la

0:32:390:32:42

# La-la-la-la

0:32:420:32:46

# And then I understand

0:32:460:32:52

# La-la-la-la

0:32:520:32:55

# La-la-la-la

0:32:550:32:59

# Her eyes afire

0:32:590:33:06

# With one desire

0:33:060:33:11

# Then a heavenly kiss

0:33:130:33:18

# Could I resist?

0:33:210:33:27

# And then she dims the light

0:33:270:33:34

# La-la-la-la

0:33:340:33:37

# La-la-la-la

0:33:370:33:41

# And then I hold her tight... #

0:33:410:33:46

LAUGHTER

0:33:460:33:49

# La-la-la-la

0:33:490:33:52

# La-la-la-la

0:33:520:33:55

# Each kiss

0:33:550:33:59

# The sweet caress

0:33:590:34:03

# Will lead the way to happiness... #

0:34:030:34:08

MUSIC STOPS Yes.

0:34:100:34:13

LAUGHTER Oh, yes.

0:34:130:34:15

No?

0:34:170:34:19

# She takes me

0:34:190:34:21

# To paradise. #

0:34:230:34:31

CHEERING

0:34:500:34:54

Oh...

0:34:560:34:58

It was nothing, really. I just... LAUGHTER

0:35:000:35:03

MUSIC: Cecilia, Does Your Mother Know You're Out?

0:35:030:35:05

Evening.

0:35:050:35:07

# Does your mother know you're out?

0:35:080:35:12

# Cecilia

0:35:120:35:16

# Two, three, four

0:35:160:35:19

# Does she know that I'm about?

0:35:190:35:24

# Cecilia

0:35:240:35:28

# Two, three, four

0:35:280:35:30

# Oh, my

0:35:300:35:33

# When I

0:35:330:35:35

# Look in your eyes

0:35:350:35:39

# Something tells me

0:35:420:35:47

# You and I should get together

0:35:480:35:53

# How's about a little kiss?

0:35:530:35:59

# Cecilia

0:35:590:36:03

# Two, three, four

0:36:030:36:05

# Just a kiss

0:36:050:36:07

# You'll never miss

0:36:070:36:10

# Cecilia

0:36:100:36:14

# Two, three, four

0:36:140:36:17

# Why do we two

0:36:170:36:22

# Keep on wasting time?

0:36:220:36:26

# Oh, Cecilia

0:36:280:36:31

# Say that you'll be mine. #

0:36:310:36:34

MUSIC: On Mother Kelly's Doorstep

0:36:340:36:36

# On Mother Kelly's doorstep

0:36:360:36:40

# Down Paradise Row

0:36:400:36:45

# I'd sit along o' Nelly

0:36:450:36:49

# She'd sit along o' Joe

0:36:490:36:54

# Got a little hole in her frock

0:36:540:36:57

# A hole in her shoe

0:36:570:36:59

# A hole in her stocking

0:36:590:37:01

# Where her toe peeps through

0:37:010:37:04

# But Nelly was the smartest down our alley

0:37:040:37:11

# On Mother Kelly's doorstep

0:37:110:37:15

# I'm wondering now

0:37:150:37:20

# If little girl Nelly

0:37:200:37:24

# Remembers Joe... #

0:37:240:37:26

LAUGHTER

0:37:260:37:28

# And does she love me like she used to?

0:37:280:37:37

# On Mother Kelly's doorstep

0:37:370:37:42

# Down Paradise Row. #

0:37:420:37:46

CHEERING

0:37:460:37:49

WHISTLING

0:37:540:37:56

-Huh? AUDIENCE:

-More!

0:37:590:38:01

CHEERING

0:38:010:38:05

HE COUGHS

0:38:100:38:13

LAUGHTER Now...

0:38:130:38:15

MUSIC: Give Me The Moonlight, Give Me The Girl

0:38:150:38:17

# I never worry if a girl is bashful

0:38:170:38:21

# Or if a girl is shy

0:38:210:38:24

# I never worry if she has that

0:38:240:38:28

# "Don't you dare to kiss me" in her eye... #

0:38:280:38:36

LAUGHTER

0:38:380:38:40

# I never worry

0:38:400:38:43

# When I need some lovin'

0:38:430:38:45

# I know just what to try

0:38:460:38:49

# You may wonder what I do

0:38:500:38:54

# There's nothin' strange about it... #

0:38:540:38:57

LAUGHTER

0:38:570:38:59

# Here is all I ask

0:38:590:39:02

# Of you-ou-ou-ou-ou... #

0:39:020:39:05

AUDIENCE HOWLS ALONG

0:39:050:39:08

Bernard, hooligans. What's this?

0:39:080:39:10

LAUGHTER

0:39:100:39:13

# Give me the moonlight

0:39:130:39:17

# Give me the girl... # APPLAUSE

0:39:170:39:20

# And leave the rest to me

0:39:200:39:26

# Give me a shady nook

0:39:270:39:31

# By a babbling brook

0:39:310:39:35

# Where no-one else can see

0:39:350:39:41

# Give me a bench for two

0:39:410:39:45

# Where we can bill and coo

0:39:450:39:49

# And mine she's gonna be

0:39:490:39:56

# If there's anyone in doubt

0:39:560:40:00

# And they'd like to try me out

0:40:000:40:04

# Give me the moonlight

0:40:040:40:07

# Give me the girl

0:40:070:40:11

# And leave the rest to me

0:40:110:40:18

# Give me the girl

0:40:220:40:24

# To me

0:40:290:40:32

# Give me a bench for two

0:40:460:40:50

# Where we can bill and coo

0:40:500:40:54

# And mine she's gonna be

0:40:540:41:01

# And leave the rest to me

0:41:150:41:20

# Give me a bench for two

0:41:220:41:26

# Where we can bill and coo

0:41:260:41:29

# And mine she's gonna be

0:41:300:41:37

# If there's anyone in doubt

0:41:370:41:41

# And they'd like to try me out

0:41:410:41:45

# Give me the moonlight

0:41:450:41:48

# Give me the girl

0:41:480:41:50

# And leave the rest

0:41:510:41:56

# To me. #

0:41:560:41:58

HE MOUTHS

0:42:000:42:03

CHEERING

0:42:160:42:19

In total tribute to Miss Marie Lloyd,

0:42:290:42:33

once again, The Players Theatre, plus Miss Jan Hunt.

0:42:330:42:39

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:390:42:41

MUSIC: One Of The Ruins That Cromwell Knocked About by Marie Lloyd

0:42:410:42:45

# She's a bit of a ruin that Cromwell knocked about a bit

0:42:450:42:49

# One that Oliver Cromwell knocked about a bit

0:42:490:42:52

# In the gay old days

0:42:520:42:54

# There used to be some doings

0:42:540:42:56

# No wonder that the poor old Abbey went to ruins

0:42:560:42:59

# But those who've studied history sing and shout of it

0:42:590:43:03

# And you can bet your life There isn't a doubt of it

0:43:030:43:07

# Outside the Oliver Cromwell last Saturday night

0:43:070:43:10

# She was one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit

0:43:100:43:13

# Outside the Oliver Crom Last Saturday night

0:43:130:43:17

# I was one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit. #

0:43:170:43:21

# Oh, Mr Porter

0:43:210:43:23

# What shall I do?

0:43:230:43:25

# I wanted to go to Birmingham

0:43:250:43:27

# But they've taken me off to Crewe

0:43:270:43:29

# Take me back to London

0:43:290:43:31

# As quickly as you can

0:43:310:43:33

# Oh, Mr Porter What a silly girl I am

0:43:330:43:37

# Oh, Mr Porter What a silly girl I am. #

0:43:370:43:40

# Well

0:43:400:43:42

# I arrived at Euston by the midnight train

0:43:420:43:46

# But when I got to the wicket

0:43:460:43:49

# There someone wanted to punch my ticket

0:43:490:43:51

# The guards and porters came round me by the score

0:43:510:43:55

# And I told them all I'd never had my ticket punched before

0:43:550:44:00

# She arrived at Euston by the midnight train

0:44:000:44:04

# But when she got to the wicket

0:44:040:44:06

# There someone wanted to punch her ticket

0:44:060:44:08

# The guards and porters came round her by the score

0:44:080:44:12

# And she told them all she'd never had her ticket punched before. #

0:44:120:44:17

# When I'll

0:44:170:44:20

# Take my morning promenade

0:44:200:44:24

# Quite a fashion card

0:44:240:44:27

# On the promenade

0:44:270:44:29

# Oh, I don't mind nice boys staring hard

0:44:290:44:34

# If it satisfies their desire

0:44:340:44:38

# Do you think my dress is a little bit?

0:44:380:44:42

# Just a little bit?

0:44:420:44:44

# Well, not too much of it

0:44:440:44:47

# Though it shows my shape

0:44:470:44:49

# Just a little bit

0:44:490:44:52

# That's the little bit the boys admire. #

0:44:520:44:56

Oh!

0:44:560:44:58

# Well

0:45:010:45:03

# Ah, ha-ha-ha-ha

0:45:030:45:05

# I always hold in having it if you fancy it

0:45:050:45:09

# If you fancy it

0:45:090:45:11

# That's understood

0:45:110:45:13

# Well, suppose it makes you fat?

0:45:130:45:15

# I don't worry over that

0:45:150:45:17

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good

0:45:170:45:20

# Oh, sing it again Ooh

0:45:200:45:22

# I always hold in having it if you fancy it

0:45:220:45:25

# If you fancy it That's understood

0:45:250:45:29

# And suppose it makes you fat?

0:45:290:45:31

# I don't worry over that

0:45:310:45:33

# Cos a little of what you fancy does you good

0:45:330:45:36

# Does you good. #

0:45:360:45:38

MUSIC: She'd Never Had A Lesson In Her Life

0:45:380:45:41

# Mary was fond of music

0:45:460:45:48

# Mary Green was very smart

0:45:480:45:50

# Every kind of melody

0:45:500:45:52

# She used to play by heart

0:45:520:45:54

# Even when just a little child

0:45:540:45:56

# She never was a dunce

0:45:560:45:59

# Sat at her grand piano

0:45:590:46:00

# And she played it off at once

0:46:000:46:03

# They had a fellow used to call And his name was Mr Gee

0:46:030:46:07

# He had a lovely voice

0:46:070:46:09

# And he was lovely company

0:46:090:46:12

# Whenever he was asked to sing

0:46:120:46:14

# He always used to say

0:46:140:46:17

# "Delighted, if dear Mary only says that she will play"

0:46:170:46:25

# Clever Mary

0:46:260:46:29

# Clever Mary Green

0:46:290:46:31

# She always was as sharp as any knife

0:46:310:46:35

# Now, when she played for Mr Gee

0:46:350:46:39

# She could always find HIS key

0:46:390:46:43

# Though she'd never had a lesson in her life

0:46:430:46:47

# Oh

0:46:470:46:48

# Clever Marie

0:46:480:46:51

# Clever Marie Lloyd

0:46:510:46:53

# She always was as sharp as any knife

0:46:530:46:56

# Though not as sharp as my old man

0:46:560:47:00

# He's shoving things inside the van

0:47:000:47:03

# And he's never had a lesson in his life. #

0:47:030:47:07

# Oh, my old man

0:47:080:47:10

# Said "Follow the van and don't dilly-dally on the way"

0:47:100:47:15

# Off went the van with my home packed in it

0:47:150:47:19

# And I followed on with my old cock linnet

0:47:190:47:22

# I dillied I dallied

0:47:220:47:24

# Dallied and I dillied

0:47:240:47:26

# I lost my way and don't know where to roam

0:47:260:47:29

# Well, I stopped on the way to have my old half quarten

0:47:290:47:33

# Now I can't find my way home

0:47:330:47:35

# All together

0:47:350:47:36

# My old man said "Follow the van and don't dilly-dally on the way"

0:47:360:47:43

# Off went the van with my home packed in it

0:47:430:47:47

# I followed on with my old cock linnet

0:47:470:47:49

-# I dillied and dallied

-Whoo

0:47:490:47:52

# Dallied and dillied

0:47:520:47:54

# I lost my way and don't know where to roam

0:47:540:47:57

# Oh, you can't trust the specials like the old-time coppers

0:47:570:48:00

# When you can't find your way home

0:48:000:48:04

# Oh, you can't trust the specials

0:48:040:48:05

# Like the old-time coppers

0:48:050:48:07

# When you can't find your way home. #

0:48:070:48:14

CHEERING

0:48:140:48:17

Whoo!

0:48:170:48:18

WHISTLING AND CHEERING

0:48:200:48:23

There's time...

0:48:310:48:33

There's just time for...

0:48:330:48:35

Mr Frankie Vaughan to lead the company and yourselves

0:48:350:48:38

in the last chorus for tonight, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:48:380:48:41

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Frankie Vaughan, the entire company,

0:48:410:48:45

Mr Bernard Hermann and the entire, and dedicated orchestra.

0:48:450:48:49

CHEERING

0:48:490:48:52

And this time, chiefly, yourselves!

0:48:520:48:56

# Come, come Come and make eyes at me

0:49:000:49:04

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:49:040:49:06

# Na-na-na-na-na

0:49:060:49:08

# Come, come Drink some more wine with me

0:49:080:49:11

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:49:110:49:15

# Hear the little German band

0:49:150:49:17

# Na-na-na-na-na-na-na

0:49:170:49:19

# Just let me hold your hand dear

0:49:190:49:22

# Do, do Come and have a drink or two

0:49:220:49:26

# Down at the old Bull and Bush

0:49:260:49:29

# Bush, Bush. #

0:49:290:49:31

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:49:310:49:34

Leonard Sachs chairs the music hall programme, originally filmed in 1980 at the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. Includes performances from the Player's Theatre Group, the King's Singers, Bernie Clifton, Sheila White and Frankie Vaughan. Also features a sketch from Jan Hunt and Doreen Hermitage.


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