24/02/1977 The Good Old Days


24/02/1977

Leonard Sachs presents an edition of the old time music hall programme, from 24 February 1977. With Larry Grayson, Fenella Fielding, Hinge and Bracket, and Anna Sharkey.


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Transcript


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MUSIC: Daddy Wouldn't Buy Me A Bow-Wow

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# Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow

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# Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow

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# I've got a little cat

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# And I'm very fond of that

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# But I'd rather have a bow-wow

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# Wow, wow, wow, wow

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# Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow

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# Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow

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# I've got a little cat

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# And I'm very fond of that

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# But I'd rather have a bow-wow-wow. #

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FANFARE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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CHEERING

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Once again...

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good evening, ladies and gentlemen!

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening!

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Metropolitanism...

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

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..in munificently mellifluous miscellany...

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

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Ladies and gentlemen, the Players' Theatre!

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MUSIC: Wotcher! (Knocked 'Em In The Old Kent Road)

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-ALL:

-Wotcher!

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# "Wotcher," all the neighbours cried

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# "Who you gonna meet, Bill? Have you bought the street, Bill?"

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# Laugh? I thought I should've died

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# Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road... #

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All together now!

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# "Wotcher," all the neighbours cried

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# "Who you gonna meet, Bill? Have you bought the street, Bill?"

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# Laugh? I thought I should've died

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# Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road. #

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Wotcher!

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# My old man said, "Follow the van

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# "And don't dilly dally on the way"

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# Off went the van with me home packed in it

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# I walked behind with me old cock linnet

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# And I dillied and dallied

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# Dallied and dillied

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# Lost me way and don't know where to roam

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# Oh, you can't trust the specials like the old-time copper

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# When you can't find your way home. #

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# We've been together now for 40 years

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# And it don't seem a day too much

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# There ain't a lady living in the land

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# As I'd swap for my dear old Dutch

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# There ain't a lady living in the land

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# As I'd swap for my dear old Dutch. #

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# Boiled beef and carrots

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# Boiled beef and carrots

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# That's the stuff for your darby-kell

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# Makes you fat and it keeps you well

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# Don't live like vegetarians

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# On food they give to parrots

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# From morn' till night blow out your kite

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# On boiled beef and carrots

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# I like pickled onions

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# I like piccalilli

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# Pickled cabbage is all right

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# With a bit of cold meat on Sunday night

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# I can grow tomatoses but what I do prefer

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# Is a little bit of cu-cum

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# Cu-cum, cu-cum

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# Little bit of cucumber

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# Any old iron? Any old iron?

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# Any, any, any old iron?

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# You look neat, talk about a treat

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# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

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# Dressed in style, brand-new tile

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# And your father's old green tie on

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# But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

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# Old iron, old iron

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-# Boiled beef and carrots

-Any old iron? Any old iron?

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-# Boiled beef and carrots

-Any, any, any old iron?

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-# You look neat, talk about a treat

-That's the stuff for your darby-kell

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-# You look dapper from your napper to your feet

-Makes you fat and it keeps you well

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-# Dressed in style, brand-new tile

-Don't live like vegetarians

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-# And your father's old green tie on

-On food they give to parrots

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-# But I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain

-Morn' till night, blow out your kite

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-# Old iron, old iron

-On boiled beef and carrots

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# Da-da-da-da-la-la Da-da-da-da-la-la

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# Da-da-da-da-la-la That's us! #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Ebullient in buoyancy...

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

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..provocative in piquancy...

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

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Welcome to Miss Anna Sharkey!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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# Once there lived a very martial maid

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# The only daughter of the Grand Duke, she

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# By her nurse in uniform arrayed

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# She was a soldier at the age of three

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# Day by day, the small princess paraded

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# In a helmet of Papa's

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# She was there upon the barrack square

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# As captain of the 55th Hussars

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# She was the captain of the Crimson Hussars

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# She wore a shoulder strap with three silver stars

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# Shaken with doors and hoops

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# Shame filled the household troops

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# She was the captain of the Crimson Hussars

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# Full of pride was every soldier's breast

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# When he beheld his baby captain's smile

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# Officers obeyed her least behest

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# She was the darling of the rank and file

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# At the age of ten she earned promotion

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# Barracks rang with loud hurrahs

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# When that pet appeared in the gazette

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# As major of the 55th Hussars

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# She was the major of the Crimson Hussars

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# She wore an eyeglass and smoked chocolate cigars

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# Veterans and raw recruits

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# Gave her the best salutes

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# She was the major of the Crimson Hussars

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# Later on, when she was 17

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# She took command of that heroic band

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# Victories like hers were never seen

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# Her charms were such the folk would well withstand

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# Every heart that by her glance was wounded

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# Gloried in such well-earned scars

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# Every eye was captivated by

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# The colonel of the 55th Hussars

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# She was the colonel of the Crimson Hussars

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# When on the battlefield her eyes shone like stars

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# As with her cheeks aglow

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# She vanquished every foe

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# She was the colonel of the Crimson Hussars. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Inordinate instrumental inexhaustibility...

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AUDIENCE EXCLAIM

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Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Marti Stuart!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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My, my, my!

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One, two.

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BUGLE STOPS PLAYING

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Thank you very much.

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I will now, with the help of this little piece of rubber...hose...

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AUDIENCE GROAN

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..endeavour to give you an impression.

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This is my impression, ladies and gentlemen,

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of a Boys' Brigade bugle band.

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Company...

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Company, atten-tion.

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Company...

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by the left.

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Quick march.

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MAKES TRUMPET SOUND

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DRUMROLL

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TRUMPET AND DRUMROLL CONTINUES

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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FASTER DRUMROLL

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Thank you very much.

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A little instrument called a tuba-phone.

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I hope you know the words to this particular tune.

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If so, please join in. Three, four...

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MUSIC STARTS

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MUSIC DROWNS OUT SINGING

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Absolutely wonderful. It's your turn now. Thank you very much.

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MUSIC STARTS

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Let's see you all sing now.

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# La, la, la, la, la, la... #

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Bless them all!

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# Bless 'em all!

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# The long and the short and the tall

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# Bless all the Sergeants and WO1s

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# Bless all the corporals and their blinkin' sons...

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# Cos we're saying goodbye to 'em all

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# And back to their billets they crawl

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# You'll get no promotion this side of the ocean

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# Cheer up, my lads

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# Bless 'em all! #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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APPLAUSE CONTINUES

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The acne...

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-FROM AUDIENCE:

-Mr Hall.

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The zenith of esoteric, cultural...

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AUDIENCE HECKLES

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..indoctrination. That redoubtably, indomitable...

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duplicity...

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CHEERING

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Doctor Evadne Hinge and Dame Hilda Bracket!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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INTRODUCTION MUSIC

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THEY LAUGH

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-Oh, thank you very much indeed.

-Isn't that nice?

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Oh, wasn't that nice? Yes, yes. Very nice indeed.

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Thank you for bringing us on so nicely, Mr Helmet. Thank you, yes.

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LAUGHTER

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-All right, dear?

-Yes, I'm very well, thank you.

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Well, now, I must say this is really wonderful for the doctor and

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myself to be back here with you all this evening.

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You all look splendid, don't you?

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-They do...

-So colourful.

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Makes me feel quite shabby. However...

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LAUGHTER

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What we thought would be rather nice this evening would be

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to give you a little piece of Gilbert and Sullivan.

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-Now...

-LOUD CHEERING

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HILDA LAUGHS

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We shall have to decide which piece, shan't we? Now, what is...?

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What we have actually chosen for you

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is a lovely song from The Gondoliers.

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Oh, 'tis a glorious thing I ween.

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To be a regular royal queen.

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GENTLE LAUGHTER

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PIANO MUSIC STARTS

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# Then one of us will be a queen

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# And sit on a golden throne

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# With a crown instead of a hat on her head

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# And diamonds all her own!

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# With a beautiful robe of gold and green

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# I've always understood... #

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Lovely note, isn't it?

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-Well, the acoustics here are very nice, you know.

-Yes, I know.

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And you see, I've got one coming up in a minute.

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LAUGHTER

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God moves in a mysterious way.

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LAUGHTER

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# I wonder whether she'd wear a feather? #

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-I wonder.

-Yes...

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HILDA LAUGHS

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# I rather think she should!

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# Oh...

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# Tis a...

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# Glorious thing, I ween, to be a regular royal queen!

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# No half and half affair I ween, no half and half affair,

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# But a right down regular, regular, regular, regular royal queen!

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LOWER KEY

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LAUGHTER

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# She'll ride about in a carriage and pair

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# With the king on her left-hand side

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# With a milk white horse As a matter of course

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# Whenever she wants to ride!

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# With beautiful silver shoes to wear... #

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Oh...

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-AUDIENCE: Ooh!

-# Upon her dainty feet... #

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That's the other lovely note, you see.

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LAUGHTER

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-NOTE CONTINUES

-Pretty, isn't it?

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Very nice indeed. Very nice, thank you.

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Lovely, dear. Thank you very much.

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NOTE STOPS AND LAUGHTER

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Very reminiscent of Lilian Bayliss, I thought.

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She didn't sing though.

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LAUGHTER

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# And endless stocks of beautiful frocks

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# And as much as she wants to eat!

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# Oh...

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-IN HARMONY

-# Oh...

-# Oh...

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-LOW KEY

-# Oh!

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# Tis a...

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# Glorious thing I ween to be a regular royal queen!

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# No half and half affair I ween, no half and half affair

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# But a right down regular, regular, regular, regular royal queen!

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# Oh...

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# Tis glorious thing I ween to be a regular royal queen!

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# A right down regular royal...

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# Royal...

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# Queen! #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh... Bless you.

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I think really, you know, as you're all in such wonderful form,

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I think really we should do something now

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where we can ask you to join in. Would you like that?

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AUDIENCE: Yes!

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The song we have chosen, we won't tell you what it's called,

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but we think you'll know it. In fact, we're sure you will,

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cos we've all sang it at school, I think. What a pretty hat.

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LAUGHTER

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-Very nice, dear.

-HILDA LAUGHS

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-Lot of work in that...

-LAUGHTER

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What...

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Well, then there's no more... Ooh! And Mr, erm...

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-Berman, what we would like to do...

-LAUGHTER

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..is if we could have the use of you and your instruments, sort of...

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Yes, oh, thank you!

0:17:580:18:00

-Nice man, isn't he?

-Yes, sweet man.

-Funny he's never married.

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-Well...

-LOUD LAUGHTER

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PIANO MUSIC STARTS

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LAUGHTER

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# Land of hope and glory

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-# Mother of the free...

-Mother of the free...

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# How shall we extol thee

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# Who are born of thee? #

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Wider still, and wider!

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# Wider still, and wider

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# Shall thy bounds be set

0:18:470:18:52

# God who made thee mighty

0:18:540:19:00

# Make thee mightier yet!

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# God who made thee mighty

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# Make thee mightier yet

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# Land of hope and glory

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# Mother of the free...

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MUSIC DROWNS LYRICS

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# Wider still, and wider

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# Shall thy bounds be set

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# God who made thee mighty

0:19:540:19:59

# Make thee mightier yet!

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# God who made thee mighty

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# Make thee...

0:20:120:20:16

# Mightier...

0:20:160:20:20

# Yet! #

0:20:210:20:24

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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DRAMATIC MUSIC

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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High altitude-iness...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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Transcendental intrepidity...

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Vertiginously vortiginous...

0:21:010:21:04

Virtuosity...

0:21:060:21:08

Miss Engalisa!

0:21:080:21:11

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:21:110:21:12

ENTRANCE MUSIC PLAYS

0:21:120:21:14

APPLAUSE

0:21:570:22:00

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:22:090:22:12

MUSIC RESUMES

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CYMBAL

0:23:010:23:03

APPLAUSE

0:23:030:23:05

CYMBAL

0:23:470:23:48

APPLAUSE

0:23:480:23:50

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:020:24:05

DRUMROLL

0:24:090:24:11

APPLAUSE

0:24:290:24:31

DRUMROLL CONTINUES

0:24:310:24:34

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:24:370:24:40

MUSIC RESUMES

0:24:440:24:47

DRUMROLL

0:25:110:25:14

APPLAUSE

0:25:190:25:21

DRUMROLL CONTINUES

0:25:210:25:23

APPLAUSE FADES

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DRAMATIC MUSIC AND APPLAUSE

0:25:350:25:38

GENTLE MUSIC

0:25:420:25:45

APPLAUSE

0:25:550:25:58

CYMBAL AND FINALE MUSIC

0:26:110:26:15

APPLAUSE

0:26:180:26:19

Unequivocally...

0:26:220:26:24

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:26:240:26:26

Unique, bewitchingly breathless blandishments

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of that phenomenally

0:26:310:26:33

far-fabled...

0:26:330:26:36

LAUGHTER AND CHEERING

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It's those Fs.

0:26:380:26:40

LAUGHTER

0:26:400:26:42

Femme fatale!

0:26:420:26:44

CHEERING

0:26:440:26:45

Miss Fenella Fielding!

0:26:450:26:47

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:26:470:26:50

# Only a glass of champagne

0:26:560:27:00

# But it led a poor girl into sin

0:27:000:27:05

# Only a glass of champagne

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# Was the door where the devil crept in...

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MUSIC STOPS

0:27:160:27:18

LAUGHTER

0:27:180:27:20

# Here is the picture

0:27:210:27:23

# A man and a girl

0:27:230:27:26

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

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# Strolling along through the shade

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# She is a marquess

0:27:350:27:37

# The son of an earl

0:27:370:27:40

# She...

0:27:420:27:44

# Is a pure village maid

0:27:440:27:48

# He tells her he loves her again and again

0:27:490:27:53

# She thinks he is loyal and true

0:27:530:27:57

# And then comes the night

0:27:580:28:01

# When he gives her champagne... #

0:28:010:28:04

LAUGHTER AND HECKLING

0:28:070:28:10

Mmm...

0:28:100:28:12

Mmm.

0:28:140:28:15

# And he does what he ought not to do. #

0:28:170:28:21

AUDIENCE: Whoa!

0:28:210:28:23

# Only a glass of champagne

0:28:250:28:30

# But it led a poor girl into sin

0:28:300:28:34

# Only a glass of champagne

0:28:340:28:39

# Was the door where the devil crept in...

0:28:390:28:43

# It's just an old story

0:28:430:28:46

# It's always the same

0:28:460:28:49

# Just like a poor moth

0:28:490:28:51

# She flew too near the flame...

0:28:510:28:54

GENTLE LAUGHTER

0:28:540:28:55

# She opened her wings

0:28:570:29:00

# And she lost her good name

0:29:000:29:04

# All for a glass of champagne

0:29:050:29:09

# Think of her future

0:29:130:29:15

# The sorrow and shame

0:29:150:29:18

# Neither a maid nor a wife... #

0:29:180:29:22

-Just a little more, please.

-LAUGHTER

0:29:220:29:24

Uh...

0:29:260:29:27

# Think of her parents

0:29:300:29:33

# Who gave her a name

0:29:330:29:35

# That she has dishonoured for life. #

0:29:350:29:39

SHE CRIES

0:29:390:29:41

AUDIENCE: Aw!

0:29:410:29:43

# What's to become of her?

0:29:460:29:49

# Spurned and reviled

0:29:490:29:51

# Into oblivion hurled. #

0:29:510:29:55

AUDIENCE: Whoa!

0:29:550:29:56

# And what can she offer the fatherless child

0:29:580:30:03

# That she has brought in to the world? #

0:30:030:30:08

Yes...

0:30:100:30:11

LAUGHTER

0:30:110:30:12

# Only a glass of champagne... #

0:30:120:30:17

LAUGHTER

0:30:170:30:19

He loves his little mum.

0:30:200:30:23

# Only a glass of champagne

0:30:230:30:27

# Was the door where that devil crept in

0:30:270:30:31

# She lost her honour in sorrow and pain

0:30:330:30:37

# With her false lover she pleaded in vain... #

0:30:370:30:41

-But...

-SHE SLURS

0:30:420:30:45

LAUGHTER

0:30:450:30:46

By...

0:30:460:30:48

# By the next morning

0:30:480:30:50

# She'd lost it again

0:30:500:30:52

# All through a glass of champagne!

0:30:540:30:57

# So all you young maidens take warning from her

0:30:590:31:04

# If you're taken out

0:31:040:31:06

# By a lord or a sir

0:31:060:31:09

# Be careful you don't let

0:31:090:31:12

# The same thing occur

0:31:120:31:16

# Just for a glass of champagne. #

0:31:160:31:21

Oh, no, you must insist on at least a crate of champagne.

0:31:210:31:26

LAUGHTER

0:31:260:31:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:31:290:31:32

# I don't know why I am so very shy. #

0:31:540:31:57

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

0:31:590:32:01

# I always was demure

0:32:010:32:04

# I never knew what silly lovers do

0:32:060:32:10

# No flirting I'd endure

0:32:100:32:15

# In all my life

0:32:150:32:17

# I've never kissed a man

0:32:170:32:19

# I've never winked my eye

0:32:190:32:22

# But now at last

0:32:220:32:25

# I'm going to break the ice

0:32:280:32:31

# So how'd you like to try?

0:32:340:32:39

# How'd you like to spoon with me?

0:32:410:32:46

# How'd you like to spoon with me?

0:32:460:32:50

# Sit beneath an oak tree Tall and shady

0:32:500:32:55

# Calling me your Tootsy wootsy baby

0:32:550:33:00

# How'd you like to hug and squeeze?

0:33:000:33:05

# Dangle me upon your knees

0:33:050:33:09

# How'd you like to be My lovey dovey?

0:33:090:33:14

# How'd you like to spoon with me?

0:33:140:33:18

# How'd you like to be

0:33:180:33:22

# My lovey dovey?

0:33:220:33:27

# How'd you like to spoon Beneath the spoony moon?

0:33:280:33:32

# How'd you like to spoon with me? #

0:33:320:33:37

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:33:370:33:39

Deliriously droll delineator

0:34:030:34:07

of dubieties.

0:34:070:34:09

-AUDIENCE:

-Ohh!

-The one and only...

0:34:090:34:12

Mr Larry Grayson!

0:34:120:34:15

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:34:150:34:17

How are you? All right? How are you, all right?

0:34:370:34:40

All right, all right. All right.

0:34:400:34:42

Common as muck. How are you?

0:34:420:34:45

-Do you...? All right, Leonard?

-Oh, fine.

0:34:460:34:48

I see your candle's alight.

0:34:480:34:49

HE LAUGHS

0:34:490:34:52

-Always.

-Always.

0:34:520:34:54

He's anybody's for a tin of salmon. Do you know...

0:34:540:34:56

LAUGHTER

0:34:560:34:58

No, listen. I've got to sit down. Ooh. Oh!

0:35:000:35:03

-AUDIENCE:

-Ohh!

0:35:030:35:05

Oh, no, no, honestly. No.

0:35:050:35:07

Play the game or leave the bed. Do you know...?

0:35:070:35:09

Honestly.

0:35:090:35:11

-What have I been like all day today? Speak.

-Enchanting!

0:35:120:35:16

Have I? Oh, well.

0:35:160:35:18

How are you?

0:35:180:35:20

I know your face ever so well.

0:35:200:35:21

LAUGHTER

0:35:210:35:23

-Ohh. Is that your wife?

-Yes.

0:35:230:35:27

Yes...

0:35:270:35:28

LAUGHTER

0:35:280:35:30

No, listen. You're too good for her!

0:35:300:35:32

Now, listen...

0:35:320:35:33

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

0:35:330:35:35

He wears a wig. Do you know...

0:35:370:35:39

How I got out of bed this morning,

0:35:400:35:43

I shall never know...

0:35:430:35:44

if I live to be 32. Do you know? I got...

0:35:440:35:48

You see, actually, last week I had it all down this side.

0:35:480:35:53

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

-Aw, shame.

-Aww!

0:35:530:35:56

I couldn't get the beef teat in my lips. Now, this week...

0:36:000:36:04

This week, I've had it all down this side.

0:36:040:36:06

-AUDIENCE:

-Aww!

0:36:060:36:07

Can't wait for next week, can I? And do you know...

0:36:070:36:10

Nobody knows.

0:36:130:36:15

I got up - don't stare it's very rude - I got up...

0:36:150:36:18

I got up the other morning and I went all limp.

0:36:200:36:23

No, I think it's the brown bread. And I...

0:36:250:36:27

And I thought to myself, I thought, "I'll go..."

0:36:290:36:33

My hair wants washing. I thought...

0:36:330:36:36

You're very near, aren't you? And I thought...

0:36:360:36:39

I thought I'd go and see my doctor, I thought,

0:36:400:36:42

"I'll go and see my doctor." I've got a new doctor now.

0:36:420:36:44

I've got a lovely new doctor. Eh? What did you say to him, then?

0:36:440:36:47

-INAUDIBLE

-Ohh, ha-ha-ha.

0:36:470:36:50

Who's she? And I said...

0:36:500:36:52

Do you know, I used to... Years ago, I told you, Leonard,

0:36:550:36:58

about when I used to rub my legs with Fiery Jack.

0:36:580:37:01

-Don't you remember it?

-Thought he was a...

0:37:070:37:09

No! No, no, no, Leonard, honestly.

0:37:090:37:12

-Have you heard of Fiery Jack, Bernard?

-No.

0:37:120:37:15

Well, it's the truth. Fiery Jack. You can't get it now.

0:37:150:37:18

I've got his address. But, eh...

0:37:180:37:21

-I see you've got a new drummer.

-HE LAUGHS

0:37:230:37:27

You'll get nothing here. All right, what we'll do...

0:37:270:37:30

A little song about a girl that went astray.

0:37:310:37:34

And this girl came from Burnley...

0:37:340:37:36

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:37:360:37:38

-Are you from Burnley?

-Yes!

-I thought so...

0:37:410:37:44

Riff raff. All right, Neville.

0:37:460:37:49

We'll do it, we'll do it.

0:37:530:37:55

# She was young She was pure

0:38:050:38:08

# She was sweet She was nice

0:38:080:38:10

# She was fair She was sweet seventeen

0:38:100:38:14

# He was old He was vile

0:38:140:38:16

# And no stranger to vice

0:38:160:38:18

# He was bold He was base

0:38:180:38:20

# He was mean

0:38:200:38:22

# He slyly inveigled her up to his flat

0:38:220:38:26

# To view his collection of stamps

0:38:260:38:28

# Then he smiled as he hastily Put out the cat

0:38:310:38:36

# His cigar, the wine And the lamps

0:38:360:38:40

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:38:420:38:46

# You really have nothing to fear

0:38:460:38:50

# I wouldn't try to temp you That wouldn't be right

0:38:500:38:54

# For you to drink spirits This time of night

0:38:540:38:59

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:38:590:39:02

# It's really much nicer Than beer

0:39:020:39:06

# I'm not fond of sherry I never drink stout

0:39:060:39:10

# And port is a wine I can well do without

0:39:100:39:15

# It's simply a case of Gor blimey me goat

0:39:150:39:19

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:39:220:39:26

# Unaware of the snake That creeps in the grass

0:39:380:39:43

# Of the fate of the lady who topes

0:39:430:39:46

# She lowered her standards By raising her glass

0:39:460:39:50

# Her courage, her eyes His hopes

0:39:500:39:54

# She drank it She sipped it

0:39:550:39:58

# She drained it She did

0:39:580:40:00

# And he slyly refilled it again

0:40:000:40:03

# And he smiled as he secretly Carved one more notch

0:40:040:40:08

# On the butt of his gold-handled cane. #

0:40:080:40:13

Poor wench.

0:40:150:40:17

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:40:170:40:21

# I've have a small flask of it here

0:40:210:40:25

# Now once it's been opened You know it won't keep

0:40:250:40:29

# So do drink it up It will help you to sleep

0:40:290:40:33

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:40:330:40:37

# It's really An excellent year

0:40:370:40:40

# Now if it were gin You'd be wrong to say yes

0:40:400:40:45

# The evil gin does Would be hard to assess

0:40:450:40:49

# In fact it's inclined To affect my prowess. #

0:40:490:40:54

Tell her.

0:40:550:40:57

# Have some Madeira M'dear. #

0:40:570:41:01

-AUDIENCE:

-Oooh!

-I've got one of my old sweats coming on.

0:41:100:41:13

# Through her mind came a flash What her mother had said

0:41:190:41:23

# With her antepenultimate breath

0:41:230:41:27

# My child beware On the wine when it's red

0:41:270:41:31

# Or your face A fate worse than death

0:41:310:41:35

# She lets go her glass With a shrill little cry. #

0:41:350:41:39

"Ooh!"

0:41:390:41:41

I think I'll do that again. "Ooooh!"

0:41:410:41:43

# Crash tinkle It fell to the floor

0:41:430:41:46

# He said "What on earth?" And she made no reply

0:41:460:41:49

# In her dash As she went for the door. #

0:41:490:41:54

I've got every so giddy again.

0:41:560:42:00

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:42:000:42:04

# Rang out down the hall Loud and clear

0:42:040:42:08

# And when she got out there With a shrill little cry

0:42:080:42:12

# She knew not what to do Well, neither did I. #

0:42:120:42:17

HE LAUGHS

0:42:170:42:19

I can't place you at all.

0:42:190:42:21

LAUGHTER

0:42:210:42:22

Are you an insurance man?

0:42:250:42:27

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:42:300:42:34

# Rang out in her ear Loud and clear

0:42:340:42:38

# Until the next morning She woke up in bed

0:42:380:42:41

# With a smile on her lips And an ache in her head

0:42:410:42:45

# And a beard in her earhole That tickle and said

0:42:450:42:50

# Have some Madeira M'dear

0:42:500:42:54

# Have some Madeira M'dear. #

0:42:540:42:58

Hey!

0:42:580:42:59

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:42:590:43:01

And now, there's just time to ask Mr Larry Grayson

0:43:160:43:18

to lead the company and yourself in the last chorus for the night,

0:43:180:43:21

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:43:210:43:23

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Larry Grayson,

0:43:230:43:24

the entire company, Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire -

0:43:240:43:27

and absolutely invincible orchestra...

0:43:270:43:29

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:290:43:32

But this time, chiefly...

0:43:320:43:34

-ALL:

-Yourself!

0:43:340:43:37

# Come come Come and make eyes at me

0:43:400:43:44

# Down at the old Bull And Bush

0:43:440:43:47

# La la-la la-la

0:43:470:43:48

# Come, come Drink some port wine with me

0:43:480:43:52

# Down at the old Bull And Bush

0:43:520:43:56

# Hear the little German band

0:43:560:43:58

# La la la-la la la-la

0:43:580:44:00

# Just let me Hold your hand dear

0:44:000:44:04

# Do, do Come and have a drink or two

0:44:040:44:08

# Down at the old Bull And Bush

0:44:080:44:11

# Bush bush. #

0:44:110:44:13

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:44:130:44:15

Leonard Sachs presents an edition of the old time music hall programme, first broadcast on 24 February 1977. With Larry Grayson, Fenella Fielding, Hinge and Bracket, Anna Sharkey and members of the Players' Theatre, London.


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