01/03/1979 The Good Old Days


01/03/1979

Leonard Sachs presents the old-time music hall programme from Leeds. Featuring John Inman, Rita Morris, The Balladiers, John Wade, Julie Royce, Duo Barodies and Raymond Bowers.


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Transcript


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# Ah, flippety hop, ah, flippety hop

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# Where the boys and girls are found

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# Hopping and skipping it round and round

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# When we start the dancing we never know when to stop

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# It's aye-aye, go as you please

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# Ah, flippety hop

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# Ah, flippety hop, ah, flippety hop

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# Where the boys and girls are found

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# Hopping and skipping it round and round

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# When we start the dancing we never know when to stop

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# It's aye-aye, go as you please

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# Ah, flippety hop

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# Casey would waltz with a strawberry blonde

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# And the band played on

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# He'd glide cross the floor with the girl he adored

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# And the band played on

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# His brain was so loaded it nearly exploded

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# The poor girl would shake with alarm

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# He'd ne'er leave the girl with the strawberry curls

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# And the band played on

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# And the band played on

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# And they all walk a wibbly wobbly walk

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# All talk a wibbly wobbly talk

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# All wear wibbly wobbly ties

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# Wink at all the pretty girls with wibbly wobbly eyes

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# And they all smile a wibbly wobbly smile

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# When the day is dawning

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# And all do a wibbly wobbly walk

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# They get a wibbly wobbly feeling in the morning

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# And they all walk a wibbly wobbly walk

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# All talk a wibbly wobbly talk

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# All wear wibbly wobbly ties

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# Wink at all the pretty girls with wibbly wobbly eyes

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# And they all smile a wibbly wobbly smile

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# When the day is dawning

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# And all do the wibbly wobbly walk

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# They get a wibbly wobbly feeling

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# A wibbly wobbly feeling

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# A wibbly wobbly wibbly wobbly wibbly wobbly walk. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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FANFARE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Once again,

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good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

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-AUDIENCE:

-Good evening.

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Guten Abend, meine Damen und Herren.

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APPLAUSE

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That is for the 52 dames who have made the trip

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especially to see the show.

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Applaud them for me.

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APPLAUSE

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Philoprogenitively...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..proliferate of para polysyllabically pertinence...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..epithets promulgating primarily

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imperturbably epicene...

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-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

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..Mr John Inman!

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Oh, stop, stop. I love it so much.

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LAUGHTER

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Don't you all look lovely?

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-AUDIENCE:

-Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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Who asked you? I was talking to this lot.

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You do. All the pretty dresses, the earrings, the necklaces...

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..and the ladies look nice, too.

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LAUGHTER

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You're looking at me thinking the same thing, aren't you?

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Well, there's no chance at all because a bachelor I am

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and a bachelor I'm going to be, just like my father.

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I'll tell you about him. Shall we go?

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BAND STRIKES UP

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# Mammas galore are after me

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# They think that I'm a catch

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# But I was born a bachelor and still I mean to bach

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# I look around at dear old pals who've got that married look

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# But I've become a bachelor and I go home and sack the cook

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# I'm tickled to death I'm single

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# I'm tickled to death I'm free

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# What the wives are saying doesn't apply to me

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# I'm awfully glad I'm single

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# I'm frightfully bucked I'm free

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# I've seen the men who are married

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# I've seen the hook being baited

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# But I've been inoculated

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# They can't catch me

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# I'm tickled to death I'm single

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# I'm tickled to death I'm free

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# I've got my independence

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# I've got the front door key

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# I'm frightfully glad I've not got a W-I-F-E

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# Marriage may bring the real times

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# Honeymoon brings the real times

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# But I like a change at mealtimes

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# They can't catch me

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# Now, marriage is a honeymoon where lives are wrecked

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# And husband wants to fly away

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# He gets severely pecked

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# Now behind his prison bars he sees the love birds fly about

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# Now he'd be wild and so would she if only he got out

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# I'm tickled to death I'm single

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# I'm tickled to death I'm free

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# Eggs do not interest me

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# I like them cooked for tea

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# I can't believe the fable

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# That birds in their nests agree

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# I've seen the hen-pecked paters

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# Looking like ragtime waiters

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# Pushing perambulators

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# They can't catch me. #

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Whoop! See you later.

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Exotic embodiment

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of rhapsodic romantic

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aspirations, deliquescent for your delight,

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Miss Rita Monet.

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# Once upon a time

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# Many years ago

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# Lived a fair princess Hating to confess

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# Loneliness was torturing her so

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# Then a gypsy came

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# Called to her by name

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# Wooed her with a song Sensuous and strong

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# All the Summer long Her passions seemed to tremble

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# Like a living flame

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# Play to me beneath the Summer moon

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# All I ask of life is just to listen to the songs that you sing

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# My spirit like a bird on the wing

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# Your melodies adoring

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# Soaring

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# Call to me with some barbaric tune

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# Now you have me in your power

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# Play to me for just one hour

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# Zigeuner

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SHE SINGS NOTES

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# Call to me with some barbaric tune

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# Zigeuner

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# Now you hold me in your power

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# Play to me for just one hour

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# Zigeuner. #

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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SHE SINGS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE

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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

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Only one of the fringe benefits.

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Light-fingered in legerdemain,

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preposterously presumptuous

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in prestidigitation,

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conjuring

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Mr John Wade.

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FANFARE

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Well, good evening. It is very nice to be back here, it is.

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I was working it out.

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About a year ago since I last graced these boards,

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and it's a long time to be out of work.

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LAUGHTER

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What I normally try and do is to try and show you tricks you can do

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with everyday little articles and things like this.

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I have a thimble here,

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because I spend a great deal of money on the equipment I use.

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Take this thimble. You put it in your left hand, you take it off,

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you give it a squeeze, it goes up your sleeve,

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across your chest, down your sleeve and back on your finger.

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Sensational, isn't it?

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A lot of people think I use two thimbles for this.

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As a matter of fact, we use four, of course.

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Splendid thing.

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-APPLAUSE

-Many...

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All that applause, I thought somebody else had walked on.

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No, it's...

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You really want to get away with it, bit of luck,

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you get yourself a nice big one like that. Look at that.

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FANFARE

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Now, I didn't know what to do today, as you may have gathered.

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So I said to the man who washes my motor car every day,

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I said, "Sax," I said, "Let's, erm..."

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-LAUGHTER

-"..have a chat."

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And he said, "Do a card trick,"

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so we'll try a card trick and let's do one that uses members of

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the audience, people of the utmost integrity

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and it may not be too easy tonight...

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This is a rather dog-eared old pack of cards... I'm sorry to wake you.

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Would you, erm...?

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LAUGHTER

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Would you take those cards in your hand, sir? Don't open them.

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Don't look at them, and don't leave.

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Just a minute. Just pop them in a pocket or something

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and forget you have them just for a little while.

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I have to say this. We haven't met before, have we?

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-Indeed not, no.

-No, jolly good. Now...

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Now we're going to pick somebody else.

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I'm just going to go to this gentleman here,

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who didn't know I was going to ask him, but he's nice and handy.

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-So from where you're sitting, would you help me with a trick?

-Yes, sir.

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I say from where you're sitting,

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because most of the places where I work, they can't stand up.

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LAUGHTER

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Now, the gentleman there who has the real pack,

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do you have an imagination?

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LAUGHTER

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Does he?

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Going to need one now, because the gentleman who has the real pack,

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we're going to use an invisible pack. I have one.

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There.

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-Can you see that invisible pack?

-Yes.

-Good lad.

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There's always one, isn't there? No!

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I'm going to throw this invisible pack to you. Will you catch them?

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-Yes.

-Coming down.

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I missed them.

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Take the rubber band off.

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Put it in your pocket.

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Not giving anything away here right now.

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Undo the card case.

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Take the cards out. Put the case on the lady's lap beside you.

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You might as well enjoy yourself. That's it.

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Now you have 54 invisible cards in your hands.

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Spread them out a little.

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54 because there are, of course, two jokers.

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Him and one other.

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LAUGHTER

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Would you take the two jokers right out, sir?

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Thank you very much indeed.

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Now you have 52 invisible cards

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and a fellow at the front door in a white coat waiting for both of us.

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Right, now.

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The only difficult thing I want you to do is take any one of those

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invisible cards, any one you like at random,

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and take it right out of the pack and hold it up

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but don't let me see it.

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LAUGHTER

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Would you show it to the lady sitting next to you, please?

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-Did you see it, madam?

-Yes.

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LAUGHTER

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She's as mad as he is, you know. It's barkers.

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Look at it yourself, sir, would you?

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Remember it. Put it back in the pack. Now, when you put it back,

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reverse it so it's the only card the wrong way round.

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Lovely. Square them up, give them a little shuffle.

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That's it. Put them back. You dropped one.

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Two? Oh, beg your pardon.

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LAUGHTER

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They're coming to get us all in a minute.

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Put them back in the case. You left it on the lady's lap. That's it.

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And put the rubber band back, please.

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And throw them back to me because I have to do this another time.

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Thank you.

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Well, it passes the time, doesn't it?

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Do you still have the real pack, sir?

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-I think so.

-I hope so. Jolly good.

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Would you just for the moment hold them like that,

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so that people know that you don't touch them,

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and neither do I, because we'll all be looking at this.

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Now, thank you very much for playing the game. Bless your heart.

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You had no idea this was going to happen, did you?

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You took an invisible card out of an invisible pack

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and you showed it to the lady sitting next to you.

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None of us has met before.

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What card did he show you?

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LAUGHTER

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-Have I to tell you?

-You tell me.

-Queen of diamonds.

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The queen of diamonds? Now, you saw it as well, sir.

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-Was it the queen of diamonds?

-No.

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LAUGHTER

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I knew it. I knew it.

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-What card did you see?

-The ace of hearts.

-Ace of hearts.

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They are rather alike, aren't they?

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We're going to have to come to a compromise.

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Would you like to get your heads together?

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It's been one of those days, hasn't it? It's been awful.

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Everything's gone wrong at the moment.

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I suppose it's the situation.

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I always think, every time our prime minister goes

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abroad on our behalf, I always think,

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wouldn't it be wonderful if, when he came back, we'd all gone?

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LAUGHTER

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APPLAUSE

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Have you come to an arrangement?

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About a card?

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-What have you chosen?

-Ace of hearts.

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The ace of hearts? You've compromised with him?

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That's very nice. Ace of hearts.

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-Do you want to change your mind?

-No, no.

-Please, it's not very easy.

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LAUGHTER

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-Ace of hearts, you're going to stick to it?

-Yes.

-Ace of hearts.

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Can I have those cards back from you, sir?

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Thank you very much indeed, you've been looking after them all along.

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Bring them back over here.

0:19:050:19:07

We'll take the rubber band off the cards.

0:19:070:19:09

Open the pack up. You said the ace of hearts.

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As we go through these cards,

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there should be only one card the wrong way round.

0:19:120:19:15

Because that's what you did with your funny thing, wasn't it?

0:19:150:19:18

So let's go through these cards. Ace of hearts is what you said.

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Let's just totter through the cards rather quickly.

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And as we go through, I think right at the back... Isn't it funny?

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I've got a feeling. Right at the

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back, there's one card there with its back...

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If it's the ace of hearts. Are we right? Did we do it right?

0:19:280:19:31

FANFARE CHEERING

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That's it. There we go.

0:19:330:19:35

Thank you.

0:19:350:19:37

APPLAUSE

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Munificently mellifluous,

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quadraphonic

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antiphonists.

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Musical mixed doubles,

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the Balladiers!

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FANFARE

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PIANO MUSIC

0:20:100:20:14

# Love's last word is spoken, cherie

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# Now my heart is broken, cherie

0:20:250:20:30

# All our dreams have gone

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# And like a broken melody

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# Melody

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# Love's last word is spoken, cherie

0:20:420:20:48

# My cherie

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# Do you remember a night in September, my own

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# Love was around us He came out and found us alone

0:21:020:21:10

# Now he has left us Bereft us of all we esteemed

0:21:120:21:20

# Words that once mattered

0:21:220:21:26

# And flattered Were not what they seemed

0:21:260:21:32

# Or we dreamed

0:21:320:21:35

# Or we dreamed

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# Love's last word is spoken, cherie

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# Now my heart is broken, cherie

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# My cherie

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# Faded the hours I spent with you

0:21:570:22:03

# Roaming the boulevards Content with you

0:22:050:22:11

# Once our hearts were blended, cherie

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# Now our dream is ended, cherie

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# All our dreams have gone

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# And like a broken melody

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# Melody

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# Love's last word is spoken, cherie

0:22:410:22:48

# My cherie. #

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APPLAUSE

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FANFARE

0:23:010:23:04

The acme,

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the apogee

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of elocutionary eloquence

0:23:160:23:18

from Mr Raymond Bower!

0:23:180:23:23

FANFARE

0:23:230:23:25

Ladies and gentlemen, it is

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my pleasure tonight to give you a rendering of a monologue...

0:23:290:23:32

Excuse me.

0:23:320:23:34

..which has been a favourite of mine for many years

0:23:340:23:36

and I'm sure is a great favourite of yours. I refer, of course...

0:23:360:23:39

..well, you can't get in anywhere. Thank you very much.

0:23:390:23:42

I refer, of course, to the Green Eye of the Little Yellow...

0:23:420:23:44

Good evening, good evening.

0:23:440:23:46

-Excuse me.

-It's pouring down outside.

0:23:480:23:51

Excuse me!

0:23:520:23:53

Why, what have you done?

0:23:530:23:55

A little respect for the artiste, sir, if you please.

0:23:560:23:59

-I'm sorry. Do carry on.

-Not at all. May I continue?

-But do.

-Thank you.

0:23:590:24:02

You're welcome.

0:24:020:24:04

I refer, of course, to the

0:24:040:24:05

Green Eye of the Little Yellow God by Milton Hayes.

0:24:050:24:08

-Thank you.

-You're welcome again.

0:24:080:24:10

LAUGHTER

0:24:100:24:12

-Ahem.

-Ahem.

0:24:120:24:14

There's a green-eyed yellow idol to the north of Kathmandu.

0:24:160:24:19

-There's a little marble cross below the town.

-Excuse me.

0:24:190:24:22

-There's a broken...

-Excuse me.

0:24:220:24:24

Have you been there recently?

0:24:240:24:27

-Have I been where?

-Kathmandu.

0:24:270:24:29

Well, no, as a matter of fact, I haven't been there for some years.

0:24:290:24:32

No, it's painfully obvious, too. I was there only the other day.

0:24:320:24:35

All very interesting, but why are you telling me all this?

0:24:350:24:38

Well, I just wanted to put you right, geographically, that's all.

0:24:380:24:40

They've altered it all now, you know.

0:24:400:24:43

Ooh, yes, in the square, there's a new complex there,

0:24:430:24:46

there's a library and baths and all sorts of things.

0:24:460:24:51

They've moved the idol to the south of the town.

0:24:510:24:53

-To the south of the town?

-Yes.

0:24:530:24:55

And that little cross you're talking about, that's above.

0:24:570:25:00

-Above the town?

-Yes.

0:25:000:25:02

-Perhaps I'd better start again.

-But do.

-Thank you.

0:25:020:25:06

You're welcome.

0:25:060:25:08

Will you hold that for me, love? I brought it in with me.

0:25:090:25:12

The Green Eye of the Little Yellow God by Milton Hayes.

0:25:120:25:15

-Ahem.

-Ahem.

0:25:150:25:16

-There's a green-eyed yellow idol to the north...

-South!

0:25:170:25:20

South, south of Kathmandu.

0:25:200:25:23

-There's a little marble cross...

-Above!

-Above the town.

0:25:230:25:28

-There's a broken-hearted woman tends the grave of Mad Carew.

-Wait.

0:25:280:25:31

I don't want to be awkward. Did you know Fanny Shannon?

0:25:310:25:35

LAUGHTER

0:25:350:25:38

-Did I know who?

-Fanny Shannon. Colonel Shannon's eldest daughter.

0:25:390:25:43

No, I have not had the pleasure.

0:25:430:25:45

Ooh, I have.

0:25:450:25:47

Well, how would you have me describe her?

0:25:490:25:52

As a comparatively broken-hearted woman.

0:25:520:25:55

Comparatively broken-hearted woman, yes.

0:25:550:25:58

-Perhaps I'd better start again.

-But do.

0:25:580:26:00

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

0:26:000:26:02

Polite fella, isn't he? He keeps bowing like that.

0:26:020:26:05

Ahem.

0:26:050:26:07

There's a comparatively broken-hearted woman tends

0:26:070:26:10

the grave of Mad Carew.

0:26:100:26:12

-And the little god forever gazes down...

-Up!

-Up.

0:26:120:26:15

-He was known as Mad Carew.

-No, no, he wasn't

0:26:180:26:22

mad at all, no.

0:26:220:26:25

He was mentally deficient, yes.

0:26:250:26:27

You couldn't call him absolutely bonkers.

0:26:300:26:32

He was known as mentally deficient Carew.

0:26:340:26:37

By the subs at Kathmandu,

0:26:390:26:40

he was hotter than they felt inclined to tell.

0:26:400:26:43

Mm, too much curry powder.

0:26:430:26:45

You know about it the day after, don't you?

0:26:450:26:48

-But for all his foolish pranks...

-Foolish pranks?

0:26:480:26:52

You call writing rude words on walls foolish pranks?

0:26:520:26:55

-Well, I didn't know.

-Well, there, you see.

0:26:550:26:58

-But may I please continue?

-But... Altogether. But do.

0:26:580:27:03

-Thank you.

-You're welcome.

0:27:030:27:05

But for all his foolish pranks, he was worshipped in the ranks.

0:27:050:27:09

-And the colonel's daughter smiled on him as well.

-I'm not having that.

0:27:090:27:12

My brother was going out with her at the time.

0:27:120:27:15

No, please, no! No, no, no!

0:27:150:27:18

No, please, please, I honestly... I take it back.

0:27:180:27:22

She was nearly 21.

0:27:240:27:26

21? She were 39 if she were a day.

0:27:260:27:28

And arrangements had begun to celebrate the birthday with a ball.

0:27:320:27:36

I don't remember that.

0:27:360:27:37

He wrote to ask what present she would like from mentally

0:27:390:27:42

deficient Carew.

0:27:420:27:44

-Then met next day as he dismissed a squad.

-Platoon.

0:27:440:27:48

-As he dismissed a squad.

-Platoon!

0:27:490:27:52

-A squad.

-A subaltern can command a platoon.

-A squad, a squad, a squad!

0:27:520:27:56

A platoon, a platoon, a platoon!

0:27:560:27:59

Sorry, love. Did I splash you then?

0:27:590:28:01

It's got to be a squad - it has to rhyme with yellow god.

0:28:020:28:06

I don't care what the hell it's got to rhyme with,

0:28:060:28:08

its Queen's regulations, it's a platoon.

0:28:080:28:10

Oh, shush.

0:28:100:28:11

May I please continue?

0:28:110:28:13

-Do.

-Thank you.

-You're very welcome.

0:28:130:28:14

Ugh!

0:28:140:28:16

-They met next day, as he dismissed a platoon...

-Yes.

0:28:160:28:19

..and jestingly she told him then that nothing else would do,

0:28:190:28:22

-but the green eye of the...

-Of the hairy great baboon!

0:28:220:28:25

..of the hairy great... Agh!

0:28:250:28:28

That's the way!

0:28:280:28:30

My landlady put summat up for me, actually.

0:28:310:28:33

I don't know where it... Oh, aye. Yes, this'll do, here...

0:28:330:28:36

In all my years at the theatre,

0:28:420:28:44

I've never known such a ridiculous...

0:28:440:28:47

-Sir!

-What?

0:28:500:28:52

-Do you realise that this is my profession?

-I beg your pardon?

0:28:520:28:55

This is my bread-and-butter.

0:28:550:28:57

No, it's not, it's my bread-and-butter,

0:28:570:28:58

-I've got it here!

-Ugh! For goodness' sake.

0:28:580:29:01

There's a broken-hearted idol to the west of Mad Carew,

0:29:010:29:04

There's a...

0:29:040:29:06

There's a cross-eyed yellow woman doing all a cat can do...

0:29:060:29:08

HE SINGS

0:29:080:29:10

Oh, this is...!

0:29:100:29:12

I can't stand it, I can't stand it, I can't stand it!

0:29:120:29:15

No, you should be sitting up here where we are. Tell him!

0:29:150:29:18

What's going on behind that curtain?

0:29:190:29:21

Nothing is going on behind the curtain.

0:29:210:29:23

There's not much going on in front of it, either.

0:29:230:29:26

I'll give you a hand, it's no good.

0:29:260:29:27

-You can't do it all without the bloody...

-No, no, please, sir!

0:29:270:29:30

No, don't...!

0:29:300:29:31

We want to have a singsong, though, don't we?

0:29:310:29:33

-You want a singsong, don't you?

-I'm very sorry. Honestly...

0:29:330:29:36

We'll have a singsong, then. Come here.

0:29:360:29:39

I'll get me leg over.

0:29:390:29:40

Hey...

0:29:400:29:42

Wait, wait. Hey!

0:29:420:29:44

-Hey...

-Can we just go back?

-Right...

0:29:440:29:46

-Come down...

-Whoa!

0:29:460:29:47

It's a good job I didn't have me kilt on.

0:29:490:29:51

LAUGHTER

0:29:510:29:52

Here we are.

0:29:520:29:54

Now, then, I'll give you a singsong.

0:29:540:29:57

When I was a lad, we used to sing good old rousing songs -

0:30:000:30:03

you know 'em, don't you?

0:30:030:30:04

Come on, then, let's have a go.

0:30:040:30:08

ALL: # Goodbye Dolly I must leave you

0:30:080:30:12

# Though it breaks my heart to go

0:30:120:30:16

# Something tells me I am needed

0:30:160:30:19

# At the front to fight the foe

0:30:190:30:24

# See - the soldier boys are marching

0:30:240:30:28

# And I can no longer stay

0:30:280:30:32

# Hark - I hear the bugle calling

0:30:320:30:36

# Goodbye Dolly Gray. #

0:30:360:30:39

The Chelsea Pensioner was, of course, your own Mr John Inman.

0:30:540:30:58

And now we have a melodious minstrel in a metropolitan...

0:30:580:31:04

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:31:040:31:06

..that's from London - miscellany.

0:31:060:31:09

Miss Julie Royce!

0:31:090:31:13

APPLAUSE

0:31:130:31:15

# Last week down our alley came a toff

0:31:220:31:28

# Nice old geezer with a nasty cough

0:31:280:31:34

# Sees my missus, takes his topper off

0:31:360:31:42

# In a very gentlemanly way

0:31:420:31:46

# "Ma'am", says he "I have some news to tell

0:31:490:31:56

# "Your rich uncle Tom of Camberwell

0:31:560:32:03

# "Popp'd off recent which ain't a sell

0:32:040:32:10

# "Leaving you 'is little donkey shay."

0:32:100:32:15

# Oh

0:32:160:32:18

# "Wot-cher!" all the neighbours cried

0:32:200:32:25

# "Who yer gonna meet, Bill?

0:32:250:32:28

# "Have yer bought the street, Bill?"

0:32:280:32:31

# Laugh! I thought I should 'ave died

0:32:310:32:35

# Knock'd 'em in the Old Kent Road!

0:32:350:32:38

# Some says nasty things about the moke

0:32:400:32:44

# One cove thinks 'is leg is really broke

0:32:440:32:48

# That's his envy cos we're carriage folk

0:32:480:32:52

# Like the toffs as rides in Rotten Row!

0:32:520:32:54

# Aha!

0:32:540:32:56

# Straight! it woke the alley up a bit

0:32:560:33:00

# Thought our lodger would 'ave 'ad a fit

0:33:000:33:05

# When my missus who's a real wit

0:33:050:33:10

# Says "I 'ates a bus because it's low!"

0:33:100:33:13

# Oh...

0:33:130:33:16

# "Wot-cher!" all the neighbours cried

0:33:160:33:19

# "Who yer gonna meet, Bill?

0:33:190:33:22

# "Have yer bought the street, Bill?"

0:33:220:33:24

# Laugh! I thought I should 'ave died

0:33:240:33:28

# Knock'd 'em in the Old Kent...

0:33:280:33:31

# Knock'd 'em in the Old Kent...

0:33:310:33:33

# Knock'd 'em in the Old Kent Road!

0:33:330:33:35

# Dah-dah-lah-dah, bum, bum! #

0:33:350:33:38

Whoo!

0:33:380:33:39

APPLAUSE

0:33:390:33:41

# And...

0:33:430:33:45

# My old man...

0:33:450:33:47

-ALL:

-# ..said follow the van... #

-You know it!

0:33:470:33:49

# And don't dilly-dally on the way

0:33:490:33:54

# Well, off went the van with the home packed in it

0:33:540:33:59

# I followed on with me old cock linnet

0:33:590:34:04

# But I dillied and I dallied

0:34:040:34:07

# And I dallied and I dillied

0:34:070:34:09

# I lost the van and don't know where to roam

0:34:090:34:13

# But you can't trust these specials like the old time coppers

0:34:130:34:19

# When you can't find your way home. #

0:34:190:34:23

# Well...

0:34:230:34:26

# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner

0:34:300:34:35

# That I love London town

0:34:350:34:39

# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner

0:34:400:34:44

# That I think of her wherever I go

0:34:440:34:48

# I get a funny feeling inside of me

0:34:490:34:53

# When walking up and down

0:34:530:34:58

# Oh, maybe it's because I'm a Londoner

0:34:580:35:02

# That I love London Town. #

0:35:020:35:06

# Well... #

0:35:070:35:11

MILITARY DRUMS

0:35:110:35:15

# It's a long way to Tipperary

0:35:150:35:19

# It's a long way to go

0:35:190:35:22

# It's a long way to Tipperary

0:35:220:35:27

# To the sweetest guy that I know!

0:35:270:35:31

# Oh, goodbye, Piccadilly

0:35:310:35:36

# And farewell, Leicester Square!

0:35:360:35:39

# It's a long, long way to Tipperary

0:35:390:35:45

# But my heart's right there. #

0:35:450:35:48

# So...

0:35:490:35:51

# You...

0:35:510:35:54

# Can...

0:35:540:35:56

# Pack up all of my cares and woe

0:35:560:36:01

# Here I go

0:36:020:36:05

# And I'm singing kinda low

0:36:050:36:07

# Bye-bye

0:36:070:36:09

# Bye-bye, you little blackbird... #

0:36:100:36:14

AUDIENCE MEMBER MIMICS BLACKBIRD

0:36:140:36:16

Was that you?

0:36:160:36:18

# Where somebody's waiting for me

0:36:180:36:23

# Sugar's sweet

0:36:230:36:25

# But not half as sweet as he

0:36:250:36:27

# Bye-bye, you little blackbird

0:36:270:36:34

# No-one can love or understand me

0:36:360:36:44

# You wanna hear those hard luck stories

0:36:450:36:51

# That they try to hand poor little me

0:36:510:36:55

# So, you better make my bed

0:36:550:36:58

# And light the light

0:36:580:37:00

# Cos I'll be home

0:37:000:37:03

# A little late tonight

0:37:030:37:05

# Blackbird, bye-bye... #

0:37:050:37:12

Yeah! Here we go!

0:37:120:37:14

# No-one can love or understand me

0:37:160:37:20

# You wanna hear those hard luck stories

0:37:200:37:23

# They try to hand poor little me

0:37:230:37:25

# So, make my bed and light the light

0:37:250:37:28

# Cos I'll be home a little late tonight

0:37:280:37:31

# Blackbird...

0:37:310:37:35

# Bye-bye. #

0:37:350:37:43

High altitudinous intrepidity...

0:38:060:38:09

-AUDIENCE:

-Ooh!

0:38:090:38:11

..perilous on the palpitant perimeter of impossibility.

0:38:110:38:17

From Norway, the Duo Barodies!

0:38:170:38:21

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:43:000:43:02

A much-requested tribute to Mr Bobby Howes

0:43:170:43:22

from the ubiquitous Players Theatre and the unquenchable Mr John Inman!

0:43:220:43:30

# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:43:420:43:45

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:43:450:43:49

# Spread a little happiness as you go by

0:43:490:43:54

# Please try

0:43:540:43:57

# What's the use of worrying and feeling blue

0:43:570:44:01

# When things go wrong, keep on smiling through

0:44:010:44:04

# And spread a little happiness till dreams come true

0:44:040:44:11

# Surely you'll be wise to make the best of every blues day

0:44:110:44:19

# Don't you realise it may be Monday or next Tuesday

0:44:190:44:25

# Your golden shoes day

0:44:250:44:31

# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:44:310:44:35

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:44:350:44:38

# Spread a little happiness as you go by. #

0:44:380:44:44

APPLAUSE

0:44:560:44:58

# Got a date with an angel

0:44:580:45:01

# Going to meet her at seven

0:45:010:45:05

# Got a date with an angel

0:45:050:45:08

# And I'm on my way to heaven

0:45:080:45:13

# It'll be sweet when I meet her

0:45:130:45:16

# I'll be sweet when I greet her

0:45:160:45:20

# Feel as proud as St Peter

0:45:200:45:23

# Cos I'm on my way to heaven

0:45:230:45:27

# Soon I'll hear the bells ring out

0:45:280:45:32

# And the choir will sing out

0:45:320:45:35

# And the pearly gates swing out

0:45:350:45:39

# She'll beckon to me

0:45:390:45:43

# I've been waiting a lifetime

0:45:430:45:48

# For this evening at seven

0:45:480:45:51

# Got a date with an angel

0:45:510:45:54

# And I'm on my way to heaven. #

0:45:540:45:57

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:46:020:46:05

# Don't be so serious

0:46:050:46:07

# Life's too mysterious

0:46:070:46:09

# You work, you slave, you worry so

0:46:090:46:13

# But you can't take your dough when you go, go, go

0:46:130:46:17

# Keep repeating it's the berries

0:46:170:46:21

# The strongest oak must fall

0:46:210:46:25

# The sweet things in life to you are just loaned

0:46:250:46:29

# So how can you lose what you've never owned?

0:46:290:46:33

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:46:330:46:37

# So live and laugh at it all

0:46:370:46:41

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:46:410:46:45

# Don't be so serious

0:46:450:46:47

# Life's too mysterious

0:46:470:46:48

# You work, you slave, you worry so

0:46:480:46:52

# But you can't take your dough when you go, go, go

0:46:520:46:57

# So, keep repeating it's the berries

0:46:570:47:00

# The strongest oak must fall

0:47:000:47:04

# The sweet things in life to you are just loaned

0:47:040:47:08

# So how can you lose what you've never owned?

0:47:080:47:12

# Life is just a bowl of cherries

0:47:120:47:16

# So live and laugh at it all. #

0:47:160:47:20

# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky

0:47:210:47:24

# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry

0:47:240:47:28

# So spread a little happiness

0:47:280:47:31

# As you go by. #

0:47:310:47:39

There's only just time to ask Mr John Inman to lead the company

0:47:570:48:00

and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,

0:48:000:48:03

Down At The Old Bull And Bush.

0:48:030:48:05

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr John Inman, the entire company,

0:48:050:48:07

Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire and indefatigable orchestra...

0:48:070:48:11

AUDIENCE CHEERS

0:48:110:48:14

-..and this time, chiefly... ALL:

-..yourself.

0:48:140:48:19

ALL: # Come, come, come and make eyes at me

0:48:210:48:25

# Down at the old Bull And Bush

0:48:250:48:27

# Da, da, da, da, da

0:48:270:48:29

# Come, come drink some port wine with me

0:48:290:48:33

# Down at the old Bull And Bush

0:48:330:48:36

# Hear the little German band

0:48:360:48:38

# Da-da-da-da-da-da-da

0:48:380:48:40

# Just let me hold your hand, dear

0:48:400:48:43

# Do, do come and have a drink or two

0:48:430:48:47

# Down at the old Bull And Bush. #

0:48:470:48:52

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:48:520:48:55

Leonard Sachs presents a 1979 edition of the old-time music hall programme from the stage of the City Varieties Theatre, Leeds. Featuring John Inman, Rita Morris, The Balladiers, John Wade, Julie Royce, Duo Barodies, Raymond Bowers and members of the Players' Theatre, London.


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