Christmas Special The Graham Norton Show


Christmas Special

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Oh, I'm here in the North Pole, just getting all of Santa's

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reindeers ready. Wait a minute, they are stampeding away. Where are

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they running off to? APPLAUSE

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Hello everybody. Oh. Merry Christmas everybody.

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Everyone feeling in a Christmassy mood, are you, are you?

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Yes, hope you are all celebrating, and hey, even if you are working

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over Christmas, have a few drinks. What could possibly go wrong?

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Children watching, ahhh. It's nearly Christmas, nearly

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Christmas. I wonder if Santa and Rudolf will be coming to my house?

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I know just where to hang my stocking. A packed show for you

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tonight. Full of surprises. Doctor Who himself, Matt Smith is here.

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APPLAUSE The very gorgeous Gillian Anderson

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is here APPLAUSE

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Essex's finest comedian, Russell Kane is here.

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APPLAUSE From Dragon's Den, the

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extraordinary Hilary Devey is here. APPLAUSE

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Plus, an extra Christmas treat for you, winners of Strictly and I'm a

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celebrity, McFly's Point point and Harry Judd will be stopping by.

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- Dougie Poynter and Harry Judd will be stopping by.

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Really the only reality show that McFly didn't win this year was the

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X Factor, won by Little Mix. There they are with Tulisa, with a number

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one single under their belt, already more successful than she

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is! Amazing time of the year for Little Mix, obviously a bit of a

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nightmare for Superdrug, now four cashier's short for Christmas!

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So pleased to welcome back Anderson to the show. She will be on our

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Koreans in an adaptation of Great Expectations, Gillian plays Miss

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Haversham, there she is, a rich elderly spinster, clutching flowers

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from an admirer, I think it is based on this person, Susan loved

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those flowers. She thought they were delicious!

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Looking forward to seeing Matt Smith.

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'S about to appear in the Christmas Special of Doctor Who. Over the

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years the Dr Has fought many enemies. Here he is with one of

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them. Now you see, it is nice to see him with a Cyberman, they don't

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normally get on. They are getting friendly. I do

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think that Matt made a mistake when he invited him back for a few

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Christmas drinks. You just hope he used WD40!

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Let's get some guests on. Later we will have music from the soon to be

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Christmas number one, fingers crossed, Military Wives Choir, and

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Hilary Devey and those McFly boys, Harry and Dougie, first of all it

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is comedian Russell Kane. Merry Christmas. Great expectations

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for this guest, the fabulous Gillian Anderson. You look amazing.

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Merry Christmas. Nice to see you. Sit yourself down. And it's Matt

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Smith. Welcome all.

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Now, is everyone ready for Christmas? Yes. Hello.

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Where's the egg nog Graham. What is egg nog?

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You will know? Nutmeg, milk, egg and nog. And nog. Growing up Matt

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as a kid, what was the best toy you ever got growing up? Crikey, I got

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a Mega Drive, which I loved. I just loved wearing pyjamas all day, I

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would get them in the morning and put them on. They were quite soft,

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I would enjoy them for a few hours. You were born to play Doctor Who! I

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put on my pyjamas and wear them all day! Gillian, you have little kids?

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I do. Christmas is a big deal? is a very big deal. Are you doing a

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traditional Christmas? I always generally do a traditional

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Christmas. I'm the host of the family of all of us. It comes to me.

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But I'm not really someone who makes mince pies, I don't know what

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I do. People come. Why do they keep coming back? I have often asked

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myself the very same question. you have happy memories, Christmas

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memories, look at you in your Christmas jumper? I was a happy,

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resilient child, rocking back and forth, telling the lies. Do you

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look like you did then? A slim child, my dad was massive, curly-

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haired, working-class, he has a triple ripple, for him, Christmas,

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as for all working-class dads, is rembering about how horrible it was

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for him. He always wanted to talk about how miserable he was at my

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aifpblgt that is the curse of the working-class father, to work

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really hard to provide stuff, and then spend the whole of Christmas

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removing the happiness from the thing provided. My happiest moment,

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not the opening of the presents or seeing them, I call it the spoilt

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bastard audit, when you get everything upstairs, and you are

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looking at the haul on your own, you lock the bedroom door and you

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think, all this is mine. With my junior calculator from Argos, I

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tried to add up the approximate value of my haul! But now, now, as

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a family, one of the real traditional things is we all sit

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down and watch the Doctor Who Christmas day special, that has

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revinted Christmas tele for us. You are back -- reinvented Christmas

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tele for us, do the Smith family sit down and watch it? We do. My

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mum, dad, granddad comes down, my sister gets bored and looks on her

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computer a lot. She kind of likes Doctor Who, she pretends not to.

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She ignores it a bit. Is it not a bit embarrassing, Christmas about

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family, and then suddenly, now it is about me! My mum's quite gushy,

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she's quite proud in that way. family like it and enjoy it? They

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love it. Is that the same sister who used to style you? I mean

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that's a very bold word, style me, but she had an influence over my

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early entrance into fashion. What would she put you in? Don't

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ask, pink lycra, not lycra, that's the wrong word, plastic trousers.

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Trousers?? Little tops and beads here, we would pretend to get into

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a local nightclub, called Chicago's, and had lots of old hagered women

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in it. We were from the boy -- we would convince them we were in the

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boyband Blue, we would dress up as from a boyband and she would

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orchestrate that. You would be a member of the boyband? Yeah.

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special this Christmas, it sounds lovely, it sounds like such a sweet

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story, give us a taste of it? called Edwards, you can guess the

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conotation -- The Doctor, The Widow And The Wardrobe, you can guess the

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conotation. We are there and we have lost the main character, we

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are in war. It is the Second World War? Thank you. Doctor Who? Doctor

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Who find as big old house and thinks he will make their Christmas

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better. He gives them this wonderful present, they crawl

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through and enter a Brave New World and many dangers that lay beyond.

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And good monsters as usual? Great monsters as usual, and great gags

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from Steven. Do you cry? There may be a tee, my mum cried at the

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screening. Reading about it I welled up. This is you with the

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kids. This room, I'm going to be honest, masterpiece, the ultimate

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bedroom, a sciencey winesy bedroom a mirror disguised as a window,

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selection of tortures for midnight feasts and secret reading, a

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covered zone of tranquility, rubber ball, dream tank, exact model of

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the rest of the house, not quite to scale, dolls, with comical

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expression, the Magna Carta, fussball, a yellow fort. Where are

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the beds? I couldn't fit everything in, there had to be sacrifices. Who

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needs beds when you have got hammocks! I know.

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APPLAUSE It was fun.

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Are you still, you have a real reputation for clumsy is the wrong

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word, is it the right word? It is a sort of inherent disease in me.

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Clumsiness, it is bad. But it can break things? I break everything.

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Why is that, how is it? I don't know, I used to play football,

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people would say how can you play football the way you do. At my best

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friend's house, I had plastic breaker, he's called Alex Skal bond,

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and I had a plas -- Alex Bond, and I had a plastic breaker, and

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everyone else was using glasses. Special breaker for Matt.

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scarred me. I would get this orange breaker, you can't even fit that

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much fluid in a child's breaker. Did it have a lid? No. I'm clumsy

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too. Very clumsy. You are clumsy on stage, was it on stage? I was at

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the premier of How To Lose Friend & Alienate People, I was eight-and-a-

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half months pregnant at Leicester Square Odean. Walking down the red

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carpet when the director called my name and introducing the actors to

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the stage, I plonked down to the stage, and as I was walking he was

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making jokes about me, just making fun, he was being a funny man. When

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I got to the stage, for some God for sakeen reason, I decided - fod

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foresaken reason I pulled a fake punch on him, and it looked like I

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hit him, I stood back and there was a row of lights behind us, I went

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head over heels, eight-and-a-half months pregnant, feet up in the air.

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Leicester Square Odean. And lit from beneath! I was pretty sure I

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was wearing knickers, the entire audience gasped. It must have been

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an amazing noise. I don't think they recovered for the rest of the

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evening. Were you all right? thought I would play another prank

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by sending a text the next day announcing the birth of my child,

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as if the event caused the birth of the baby. I didn't know that when

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he got the text he was on the radio doing interviews all day and

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announced the birth of my child. The whole thing completely

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backfired from beginning to end. He had to call the radio station assay

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that was a lie. -- radio stations and say, that was

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a lie. Nobody wants to be single at Christmas, I have never used

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mistletoe on the show, we thought we would, because we have never

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done it before. God knows we have been on a long time. See this boom,

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if I put it on that, then I can reach parts of the studio audience

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I wouldn't normally be able to reach.

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So, if I put it on there, so, if I go to, I will try to find a couple.

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Who do I think is a couple. Let's try you two here! Body language is

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telling me they are not a couple! Are you two a couple? We are

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married. Lovely. Christmas kiss? You must be a couple, are you two a

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couple? No. You are not going out with that lady there? No I'm not.

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You would like to though, wouldn't you? Do you know each other?

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You really don't, you look so good together. Are you with somebody

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else? That's awkward! Is your partner over here. Are you

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together? Is this a Christmas work do! Is

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this a date, is this a terrible cheap date? It's a date. You could

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say it is date, yeah. That is lovely.

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Why don't we take the mystery out of the end of the evening. Oh, oh,

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There you go. Moving on. Because Doctor Who, it's

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huge in America now. It is growing, quite excitingly. Yeah, there was

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this thing with the iTunes which has been really positive, it is the

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most downloaded show in America, it beat Glee, and Mad Men. Really? You

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are. You are like Whoa. Really, that show! I grew up here and then

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moved to the states, and nobody has heard of Doctor Who, I used to

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watch Doctor Who when I was growing up here with The Magic Roundabout.

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You sound so English. Are you English? No. Are you American?

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American. You spend an awful lot of time here. I grew up here when I

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was 11. We used to come back every summer, because my parents had a

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flat in Haringey. You came back for that! Wow!

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I know. Were you telling your friends in the states, we're going

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back to our place in Haringey! We summer in Haringey! Yeah, we summer

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in Haringey. Science fiction in America, science fiction fans are

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so passionate. They have these big conventions, you have been to Comic

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Con, is it just for the fans? launch and promote. You must have

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been countless times. I have been once. Only once? I went to it a

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couple of years ago with my co-star David Duchovny and the producer, we

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were sitting at the table, and people walk up, as you may know, to

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the microphone and ask questions. So -- So this person, we think,

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walked up to the microphone in a green outfit and a hat made of felt,

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and slightly elf like, and started talking about the fact that he

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couldn't believe that he got to wear the outfit, and talk to us at

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the same time! (tearfully) That's adorable? I think it was, from a

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come on, who knows, a gamers thing, is there an elf in the game. When

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was there an elf in the X-Files. was the fact that he was able to

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play his favourite gaming character at the same time talk to us.

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must have come home. Crying orgasam. A geekgasm. Is that what they call

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it? I'm having a geeky moment that I can't believe it's happening!

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Didn't you and Karen Gillan bump into yourselves? Yes, kauking down

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the street, there were carbon copies in the whole thing. Do they

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look like you? No, they looked really ugly. I was doing myself a

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lot of favours, not to suggest that I am. They were dressed up to the

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nines. You took pictures on your phone? We met a group of, would you

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believe this, this is, shall I hold it up to the camera, we met every

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single Doctor, there is Tennant, Eccleston. Where is the guy with

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the urlly hair from the 1970s -- curly hair from the 1970s? Also,

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who is that? They just come there to celebrate Doctor Who? Yes, and

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we met them, and we were like can we have a photo. That's the vain of

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it, I love it. He's going again, not like you, you were in there,

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crying elf, home. Not doing that again! Karen Gillan,

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the news now that she's leaving? Yes. How did you find out? I have

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known for a while, we have known for months. It was by mutual

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consent. Those stories just come to a point where, you know, it reaches

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its conclusion, and the very essence of the show is it

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constantly reinvents itself. started at the same time, it must

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make you slightly think, she's going, eh, why am I still here?

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happy to stay, I love making the show. I miss Karen, she's a good

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mate, one of my best friends. a great girl? Mad as a box of cats,

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but she's a firecracker, she really is. You are a genuine geek, really,

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aren't you? Growing up you loved all of this stuff? A large part of

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my adult life was hanging around with teenage boys in my bedroom

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watching doneions and dragons, that was my dad's one fear that trumped

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racism was his homophobia. There was loads of boys rung up to my

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bedroom playing dungions and dragons and my dad going, I know

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they are up there buming it, I know it. Did you sometimes? Dung I don't

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know or the dragon! Dungeon or the dragon?!

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Other big Christmas tele treat sue, young lady, Great Expectations. It

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is lovely to get the call, we would like you to be in the BBC's Great

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Expectations, you must have thought, really, when they said you were

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playing s had half-caf soya macchiato. She's quite cold -- Miss

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Haversham, she's quite old. From my understanding she raes around 50.

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This is when -- She's around 50. This is when Pip first meets you.

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Are you feet not cold, miss? All of Look closer if you wish.

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My brother's collection, he went to the furthest reaches of the earth

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in his quest for the purest specimen of beauty. And when he

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found it, he stuck a pin through its heart.

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It looks fabulous. Have you seen the whole thing yet?

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I haven't, I have only seen the first episode. You can't watch it

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over Christmas, you are away? have tapes. Excellent, will your

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kids be able to enjoy it? They won't be watching it. Do your

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kids get what mummy does? They have no idea. Have they ever seen you?

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Well, we went to see Cars 2, once, they are five and three, and when

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we were standing in line for popcorn, it was at the same time

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that Johnny English Reborn was in the theatres, I was handed a box of

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popcorn that me as the character on the front of it. My little boy said,

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the five-year-old said, mum, it's you, and I said, shush, he grabbed

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it and started turning it around. I said what are you doing? He said

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"Where's daddy?". That's very sweet. Like it's family

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popcorn! That's the extent of it. As a young child you played

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football, to a really high level, you could have been a professional?

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I was pretty decent. Me too. you really? Who for? I'm joking.

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Thank God, I thought I was going to be the only one.

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Do you like football? I do. Do you watch it? I watch it when it is the

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thing that happens every four years. The World Cup!

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Even I, even I watch that. Ha ha.

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Not the Olympics, the other one. I like a kick around. I have a ball,

:24:55.:25:01.

can you impress us with football skills. You have a sore back at the

:25:01.:25:10.

moment. Ahhhh. It's true. Can you do keepy uppies. How many

:25:10.:25:20.
:25:20.:25:31.

can we do, 1! Look away? This is going well. 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8.

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It's been a while. Can you play football? Not at all. That is why I

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was asking you to. Throw it, and I will try to catch it on the neck.

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Do you see who you are asking to throw a ball. If we get this.

:25:49.:25:59.
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arm! Ready. Yeah. Oh! Well done Matt Smith! Frankly, I'm

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more impressed that I threw it than you caught it! That is the more

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impressive bit of that trick. done. Now, Russell Kane, you have

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had an amazing year. Not an actual skill, but I have had a good year.

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You have had a tour on the road with your tour, scape scape, you

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pick apart your personal life -- Manscaping, you pick pairt your

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personal life. It is all about how you became single. I had a tricky

:26:36.:26:41.

year, I started the year with a woman, WTF, random, I know.

:26:41.:26:48.

I started the year with a beautiful woman, you think it is the one, it

:26:48.:26:51.

goes pearshaped, you find yourself not in a position you expect to be.

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For the first time I wasn't sure what to do. What I realised the

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show is actually about constantly thinking you are grown up when you

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are not. You get to 18 and think remember what a kid I was at 16,

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then at 25 you think you know nothing, why don't people tell you

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at 25 you are an adult, and then you get to 30, I think it carries

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on. Your last thought is in a nursing home in your 80s and it is

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like, I get it! (choke) the show is called Manscaping, it is all about

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becoming and becoming. I didn't deal very well with being single,

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there was no male support group. I had a kitchen floor reset, you

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think you have grown up and you have left home, you never let your

:27:38.:27:43.

mum see you will cry, and then you end up back on the kitchen floor

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with your mum, crying, you have lost everything. Everyone watching

:27:47.:27:53.

it has slid down the fridge. The only difference between people

:27:53.:27:58.

is how many square ones we go back to. A lot of it is there is not

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really a male support network when you are a single guy. It is a

:28:02.:28:06.

massive stereotype, my experience is girls are better at rallying

:28:06.:28:09.

around if another girl close it is and has a kitchen floor reset and

:28:09.:28:13.

she turns up at the door. It is more the kind of, doesn't matter,

:28:13.:28:17.

we will go out, have a dance, have a drink, if there is men there

:28:17.:28:22.

great, it is not that b that night tonight. Let me get dressed as an

:28:22.:28:28.

elf! Where as, I'm not making this up, the total advice off my friend

:28:28.:28:33.

Scott from harm lo. I turned up and went to kitchen floor -- Harlow. I

:28:33.:28:40.

turned up and went to kitchen floor reset in his house, straight blokes

:28:40.:28:45.

don't know how to handle T he looked and me with a crying bloke

:28:45.:28:48.

using the language of someone seriously in trouble. Scott stood

:28:48.:28:52.

there for main. This is the total advice, I'm cleaning it up a bit.

:28:52.:28:57.

Scott went into the kitchen and made a cup of tea, slammed it down,

:28:57.:29:01.

he said, you know what you need to do, bang something, and walked off.

:29:01.:29:07.

Nothing else was offered. Nothing. You have now met a lady. I told

:29:07.:29:11.

myself I was going to be single, I have this thing called, I was

:29:11.:29:16.

talking about it on stage, serial monogamy. Sometimes you need to be

:29:16.:29:20.

single for a couple of years to find out who you are. That is what

:29:20.:29:25.

the emotionally strong people in the room that make you want to

:29:25.:29:30.

vomit do. They had a couple of years on their own, found a hobby

:29:30.:29:35.

and found themselves. The weak of us just latch on to people, let's

:29:35.:29:40.

move in eventhough we are not suited. That's me. I thought I'm a

:29:40.:29:44.

comedian and I will show the world what's what. I lasted two months. I

:29:44.:29:51.

met this girl in the weirdist way. It is a weird story? When I got

:29:51.:29:57.

asked to do an ironicors sow of the week in Heat, I know I'm built like

:29:57.:30:02.

Harry Potter under here, I thought get your top off. When Cosmo saw

:30:02.:30:07.

that, they said how do you feel about getting fully nude in the

:30:07.:30:13.

centre fold. I thought -- centrefold, I thought bungee jump

:30:13.:30:17.

here. It had to be comedy. They said I could choose. I thought I

:30:17.:30:25.

would get pervy value. I want to be sat back in foil with a hot model

:30:25.:30:30.

draped across my lap. What do you mean like foil? Laying in tin foil,

:30:30.:30:35.

like an undersized turkey and have a girl and be feeding her grapes

:30:35.:30:42.

from my fist and doing a prop Zoolander down the lens. And

:30:42.:30:48.

Charlotte and I really hit it off. This is you meeting your new

:30:48.:30:58.
:30:58.:31:00.

girlfriend? Yeah. I think once you... It take that is

:31:00.:31:04.

tension out of the first date, doesn't it! It really does. Very

:31:04.:31:09.

quickly you have a stocking filler this year. Or main gift, depending

:31:09.:31:18.

on your budget! I mean a really special lovely, wow this is all I

:31:18.:31:21.

ever wanted. Russell Kane Smokescreens & Castles the DVD.

:31:21.:31:26.

That's how duff my year has been. That was me in March. When you hit

:31:26.:31:30.

the rocks emotionally that is how I have ended up looking like the

:31:30.:31:33.

mangled triplet of Jedward from. That point to here my life has

:31:33.:31:38.

completely changed. That is the DVD from the show that finished in

:31:38.:31:41.

August. It is amazing how much things happen in your life you can

:31:41.:31:45.

change in a year. I have the woman approach, change your hair, change

:31:45.:31:52.

your look, get over and move on. I know, I'm a mess, help me dear.

:31:52.:31:55.

believe we need to thank you and release you back into the wild.

:31:55.:31:58.

Because you must go make your Christmas plans. Thank you very

:31:58.:32:02.

much for joining us. It has been a pleasure. We look forward to seeing

:32:02.:32:07.

Great Expectations, it starts on Tuesday the 27th and runs for three

:32:07.:32:13.

nights. That's right. Excellent, I will be watching. Thank you so much,

:32:13.:32:23.
:32:23.:32:32.

Gillian Anderson everybody? Right, very excited because every

:32:32.:32:36.

year reality television creates new heros and stars. Ladies and

:32:36.:32:40.

gentlemen they are here. The king of the jungle and The Lord Of The

:32:40.:32:50.
:32:50.:33:06.

Dance, please welcome Dougie and Sit there, otherwise it will be

:33:06.:33:10.

confusing. Congratulations to both of you. Very good. Especially you,

:33:10.:33:16.

fresh from. What? You won that thing ages ago! So, listen, what

:33:16.:33:22.

the hell did happen at the final. You win, and then Dougie and the

:33:22.:33:27.

others, they all came on stage. They stormed the stage. We have the

:33:27.:33:31.

little clip of Bruce. You were crowned. Here you are being crowned.

:33:31.:33:38.

In come the boys. Lovely. Watch Bruce in the bottom

:33:38.:33:48.
:33:48.:33:54.

Get off, get off. Did he know who you were?

:33:54.:33:58.

honestly don't think he knew. I swear. He was like whacking them

:33:58.:34:04.

with his card. And then my dad just strolled on casually, and

:34:04.:34:12.

thankfully I went, dad, Bruce heard, that's your dad I won't whack him.

:34:12.:34:16.

We were all excited, it was a good moment and nice to share it with

:34:16.:34:20.

the guys, it is all mine. It was nice they were there to support?

:34:20.:34:24.

course, we are best mates. Now, we see stories, and I'm not sure, are

:34:24.:34:29.

you engaged or not? No. Even my girlfriend said to me, are we

:34:29.:34:32.

engaged this morning. She's like, did I miss something. I was asked

:34:32.:34:36.

about it and I said you know we talk about our further tue, I want

:34:36.:34:42.

to keep it spontaneous and romantic which it won't be. The next day it

:34:42.:34:45.

said we were engaged, congratulations me, apparently.

:34:45.:34:49.

are the same, in the jungle you kept talking about your girlfriend

:34:49.:34:54.

and spending your life together? doesn't have one. He does. I'm not

:34:54.:35:04.
:35:04.:35:05.

engaged either. If I was your girlfriend or their families I

:35:05.:35:10.

would be annoyed now? girlfriend's mum rang and said was

:35:10.:35:15.

she engaged. It is on the front of OK! Magazine? No, but it says in

:35:15.:35:19.

the middle, they are spending their first Christmas together, that is

:35:19.:35:23.

their engagment. As if you are engaged on the phone, or a prior

:35:23.:35:28.

engagment. It was a bit sneaky really. That's ridiculous. So, the

:35:28.:35:35.

mother is annoyed? Not too annoyed. No, no, no. It was a bit odd.

:35:35.:35:45.
:35:45.:35:46.

are your "non-" inlaws for your non-fiance? I have never met them.

:35:46.:35:50.

You are definitely not engaged. It may never happen. Alesha was on the

:35:50.:35:53.

show and was talking about the chemistry between the dancers. For

:35:53.:35:59.

it to work there has to be a kind of chemistry, how hard was it for

:35:59.:36:03.

your girlfriend to watch the dances? She really enjoyed it. She

:36:03.:36:09.

loves dancing. No she did. Look, it probably looks quite hard for her

:36:09.:36:15.

at times, she wanted me to do well. That chemistry is vital in dancing.

:36:15.:36:21.

She encouraged it if anything. She was very supportive. Yep! That's

:36:21.:36:27.

what he's saying. She watched that, and she thought, that's lovely!

:36:27.:36:34.

He's doing so well. So relaxed.

:36:34.:36:41.

That's lovely, if she was relaxed about that, you should marry her!

:36:41.:36:46.

McFly back on the road next year? In March and April. Is it going to

:36:46.:36:49.

be weird now, has the dynamic of the group changed, because of what

:36:50.:36:54.

you two guys have done? We are loving it a little bit, Danny and

:36:54.:36:59.

Tom have always been the front men, it is going to be strange. But,

:36:59.:37:03.

McFly is always our commitment isn't it. Are the drums going to be

:37:03.:37:08.

out front now? I have requested that. Tom in the back going, # It's

:37:08.:37:18.

all about you Weird. But good for them, they need

:37:18.:37:23.

to learn! By the way, did you know you could

:37:23.:37:26.

dance? I did the Children in Need special, which I had four days

:37:26.:37:30.

training for, and it was the pasa doble, I wasn't allowed to do that

:37:30.:37:34.

in the show, that is different from the other ones. That is the only

:37:34.:37:38.

experience I had, I had no idea whether I would be any good.

:37:38.:37:42.

can't imagine doing either, this one takes so long, that one is

:37:42.:37:47.

quicker but you have to do worse things. I loved it. Apart from the

:37:47.:37:55.

eating the penis, everything else. You liked eating anus then. Anus

:37:56.:38:00.

was already. Was it an ostrich anus? It was, it was like the

:38:00.:38:07.

rubbish bit of a turkey, the penis was the worst. The rubbish bit of a

:38:07.:38:12.

turkey. What about the spiders, I'm petrified of the spiders, I

:38:12.:38:16.

couldn't cope. Apart from the ones you get in camp that are the

:38:16.:38:21.

world's most deadliest ones, they suck, they are not cool. They are

:38:21.:38:24.

like, don't worry, if something happens. You have 20 minutes to

:38:24.:38:30.

live. Television, that's not showbiz is it. He has 20 minutes to

:38:30.:38:36.

live! It is when you're a comedian! It is traditional on the show, we

:38:36.:38:43.

always do it, there is a site Awkward Family Photos, this year,

:38:43.:38:48.

where we have changed it up a bit, it is Awkward Family Photos

:38:48.:38:52.

featuring pets. Some of these are so wrong. The

:38:52.:38:59.

first one is the classic of the genre. Just that one there. That is

:38:59.:39:07.

an awkward family photo. With a pet. What is going on in that dog's head.

:39:07.:39:16.

She's going to get one of us. What is that relationship. The next one

:39:16.:39:20.

is a nice seasonal one, lovely, nothing says Christmas like Mary

:39:20.:39:28.

and Joseph and the baby dog! Look in that eye, it is just like I

:39:28.:39:36.

hope they are not doing this again at Easter! What's the next one.

:39:36.:39:46.
:39:46.:39:57.

I'm confident he's an American. I love this end of the dog, I love

:39:57.:40:05.

the other end of the dog, I love all my dogs (in an American accent)

:40:05.:40:08.

. This one is brilliant, you look at it and you see the family with

:40:08.:40:12.

the dog, and you think what's awkward about that family photo,

:40:12.:40:22.
:40:22.:40:24.

and then you scroll up! The dog is so embarrassed, no I'm not coming

:40:24.:40:34.
:40:34.:40:45.

down. This one is so wrong on so And you know, one of them is their

:40:45.:40:52.

favourite! Well done all those people.

:40:52.:40:56.

Time to meet another star of 2011, a woman who the nation absolutely

:40:56.:41:01.

fell in love with this year, she dispensed her hard earned wisdom

:41:01.:41:04.

and cash on Dragon's Den, everyone's favourite dragon it is

:41:04.:41:14.
:41:14.:41:22.

Hilary Devey. You look gorgeous. Thank you.

:41:22.:41:32.
:41:32.:41:33.

Dougie, Matt, and Russell down the end. Hello. Royal company. The king

:41:33.:41:39.

of the jungle and king of Strictly. You're rich, like really, really

:41:39.:41:41.

rich, aren't you? You are even richer than I thought you were?

:41:41.:41:46.

Shush. You're not on Dragon's Den, the

:41:46.:41:51.

secret's out. Week one, people were like we love her. Thank you. It was

:41:51.:41:55.

instant, I would say you're probably the most popular dragon

:41:55.:41:59.

now? Please don't say, that they will never speak to me again.

:41:59.:42:03.

you like the other Dragons? They must know everyone loves you?

:42:03.:42:08.

love them. Really? In a kind of patronising way? No. Because you

:42:08.:42:13.

are the star of that show, you own it now. Hilary Devey's Dragon's Den,

:42:13.:42:21.

featuring... The first day on Dragon's Den, you know, leading up

:42:21.:42:26.

to it, I thought, piece of cake, no problem, on the day to the studios,

:42:26.:42:31.

I was physically sick. I thought my God, what have I done. Were you

:42:31.:42:38.

nervous, of course. Food poisoning. We're not sure. I just thought what

:42:38.:42:43.

on earth am I doing, what have I done. I got to the studios, I went

:42:43.:42:47.

to a lot of schools, I had a very onadmic childhood, you are all

:42:47.:42:57.

supposed to say ahhh. Awww. And it was literally like the first

:42:57.:43:02.

day at school. What is weird is, that when you originally, when you

:43:02.:43:06.

went and did your own version of Dragon's Den and looking for an

:43:06.:43:09.

investment for your pallet business, you failed, they were out. They

:43:09.:43:13.

didn't give you investment, did they? Absolutely not. But to be

:43:13.:43:17.

honest, I would hate to be standing in front of the dragons, trying to

:43:17.:43:22.

explain my concept to them. Because I think I would lose it myself. So

:43:22.:43:26.

I do empathise with the entrepeneurs that come up the

:43:26.:43:32.

stairs. I won't go into too much of an autobiograical interview, your

:43:32.:43:38.

Hilary Devey story is on BBC Two on December 29th. It is. It is an

:43:38.:43:43.

amazing story. It is worth hearing. Have you seen it? No, but I read

:43:43.:43:47.

all the stuff. I was going to say, I have not. You lived it, it is

:43:47.:43:57.
:43:57.:43:59.

your story? Put the hours in. I don't think they have changed it! I

:43:59.:44:03.

wonder, because lots of people have a work ethic like you do, lots of

:44:03.:44:07.

people are driven, they are ambitious, lots of people have an

:44:07.:44:11.

idea, what do you think is the difference between you making it

:44:11.:44:15.

and all those people who have the work ethic, the drive and ambition

:44:15.:44:19.

and everything? I think it is self- sacrifice, are you prepared to

:44:19.:44:23.

sacrifice your life and put your life on hold. I mean, literally, I

:44:23.:44:27.

would have my mother saying to me, have you read this in the newspaper,

:44:27.:44:32.

have you seen this on the news, and I would think television, when was

:44:32.:44:39.

the last time I saw a square box, and it was a pallet, she said you

:44:39.:44:42.

don't understand what is going on in the world. You sold everything,

:44:42.:44:47.

your house, your car? I put every penny I had into making that

:44:48.:44:54.

business work. Did you have a Plan B? No. If pallets had not worked

:44:54.:45:01.

out? No. Because failure was not an option. No matter how bad them days

:45:01.:45:04.

got, no matter how long they got, no matter how many thousands of

:45:04.:45:08.

miles I drove, I would dust myself off and get up the next day and

:45:09.:45:18.

think, tomorrow will be different. Can I ask, what is a pallet!

:45:18.:45:25.

APPLAUSE The thing you put your teeth in?

:45:25.:45:32.

That is the poshest question I have ever heard. A pallet is a wooden

:45:32.:45:37.

base that is usually sized four foot by four foot, it has holes on

:45:37.:45:40.

each side so a fork truck, with forks can get underneath it, pick

:45:40.:45:45.

it up, lift it on to a lorry, take it off a lorry put it on to a

:45:45.:45:49.

warehouse floor, or put it into a shop store room, ready for them to

:45:49.:45:54.

strip it down to put it on to racks in the shop. And you invented the

:45:54.:46:04.

pallet? That is worse than Dragon's Den.

:46:04.:46:09.

Watch the show. Listen, we must talk about fashion, fashion,

:46:09.:46:15.

fashion. You love clothes? I do. Adore them, fashion is my facial.

:46:15.:46:19.

Tonight I would say you have a high shoulder, not a shoulder pad, are

:46:19.:46:23.

you trying to steer yourself away from shoulder pads? Absolutely not.

:46:23.:46:28.

I requested that the BBC invest in bigger doors for the next season of

:46:28.:46:32.

Dragon's Den. Was that you or was that Dragon's Den? That was me, you

:46:32.:46:36.

don't think the BBC would design that for me, do you.

:46:36.:46:40.

Wasn't there a story that you just wore it once but you had to keep

:46:40.:46:44.

wearing it? I didn't realise that the outfit that I wore on the first

:46:44.:46:50.

day was the outfit I had to wear for the whole series. Because they

:46:50.:46:56.

cut it up and edit it? continuity you couldn't even change

:46:56.:47:04.

your nail polish. Could you shower! I did shower! Talking about fashion

:47:04.:47:11.

and clothes, I tell you who isn't keen on clothes, the McIfy boys.

:47:11.:47:16.

You take -- McFly boys, you take your clothes off all the time. That

:47:16.:47:19.

is the most recent one. You just did this one. Isn't it amazing to

:47:19.:47:29.

think, under that suit is that! Was this to get votes? No! In all

:47:29.:47:34.

honesty while I was doing Strictly I was asked to be on the cover, and

:47:34.:47:41.

I said yes. If I looked like that I would present the show in my pants.

:47:41.:47:48.

I know the question I wanted to ask, do they pay you to do Dragon's Den?

:47:48.:47:53.

It is a weird concept, you sit there with a big pile of money that

:47:53.:47:57.

is obviously your money? But if you are being paid to do it? You could

:47:57.:48:03.

just take the money and not invest in anything. But this is a neutral

:48:03.:48:07.

thing, if did I the jungle one, every day I would come back and go,

:48:07.:48:16.

no stars! What could they do. Duncan doesn't invest in anything,

:48:16.:48:21.

whatever he says, every time he says, "for that reason I'm out",

:48:21.:48:29.

someone could come on, and he would go "let me give it right, it is a

:48:29.:48:36.

life-giving elixir and 100% profit all the time, for that reason I'm

:48:36.:48:40.

out". Is Deborah a bit funny because you are there now? No she's

:48:40.:48:48.

lovely, a very nice lady. OK! always does really hard maths,

:48:48.:48:52.

obsessed with the figures. Someone gets to the end of the pitch and

:48:52.:48:56.

she says, she has a question and it is to do with the figures, what

:48:56.:49:05.

number is she thinking of! Get out! Shortly I'm so thrilled, we will

:49:05.:49:08.

have a special performance from Gareth Malone and the Military

:49:08.:49:11.

Wives Choir, fingers crossed they are number one on Christmas day.

:49:11.:49:14.

I'm sure they will. I love that show and the song. Before we meet

:49:14.:49:19.

them, let's have our final red chair stories of 2011. Very high

:49:19.:49:24.

stake, I'm looking for the story of the year. Who is up first?

:49:24.:49:33.

What's your name? Aliza. Hi. Where are you from? I'm from the

:49:33.:49:40.

states, from Ohio. Ohio you say, do you live here or are you here for

:49:40.:49:44.

Christmas? I have been studying in London for the term. What are you

:49:44.:49:47.

studying? English literature. Excellent, well done you, did you

:49:47.:49:52.

pass an exam or anything? I turned in all my papers today. Hopefully.

:49:52.:50:00.

Whatever! Off you go with your story? Actually this will work for

:50:01.:50:04.

Matt, I'm a huge Doctor Who fan. Hello. Last year I got really into

:50:04.:50:08.

the show, and I wanted to watch last year's Christmas Special, so I

:50:08.:50:14.

asked a friend of mine if it aired on Christmas day or Christmas Eve,

:50:14.:50:24.
:50:24.:50:24.

she said Christmas day, I asked when is that, is that the 26th.

:50:24.:50:29.

would you be that stupid twice, stupid enough to do it twice, why

:50:29.:50:34.

repeat the story. Who is next? Hell lo. How are you? Very well thank

:50:34.:50:43.

you. How are you? I'm OK. Struggling on. Thanks for asking.

:50:43.:50:48.

What's your name? Melissa. I live in London. I was on a really busy

:50:49.:50:52.

tube, it was really packed, I was standing up, and there was a guy

:50:52.:50:56.

sitting down in front of me. I happened to be standing directly in

:50:56.:51:03.

front of him. He was staring at my breasts. No? I was starting to get

:51:03.:51:08.

really flusered, I didn't know -- flusered and I didn't know what to

:51:08.:51:14.

do, I thrust them in his face and he got red and embarrassed and I

:51:14.:51:24.
:51:24.:51:25.

thought, gutted, you shouldn't have been staring. I like that? Is that

:51:25.:51:29.

a punishment though. It seems like he would have been thrilled.

:51:29.:51:39.
:51:39.:51:46.

Someone else. I know that was harsh, I just couldn't.

:51:46.:51:52.

I will go who's next and she will be there, hanging on.

:51:52.:51:59.

Do we have time for one more. Hello. What's your name? Will. Oh! I tell

:51:59.:52:03.

you what, because it is Christmas, and bass you are here, shall we do

:52:03.:52:10.

one -- because you are here, shall we do it Dragon's Den-style. Will,

:52:10.:52:16.

what is your story about? About skiing. If you go and we will get

:52:16.:52:23.

you to walk in, a la Dragon's Den. Can I just say, you are pitching

:52:23.:52:29.

the story, the anecdote to Hillary, we're looking for a strong

:52:29.:52:35.

beginning, a short body and a great end. OK. Off you go Will, OK.

:52:35.:52:40.

That's what we are looking for, at the end of the story, you could

:52:40.:52:45.

either be in or it would be funny if you're out (stage whisper) I'm

:52:45.:52:51.

not telling you what to do. You can do what you like. But it would be

:52:51.:52:56.

funny if he went out (stage whisper).

:52:56.:53:02.

A bit of Dragon's Den music. Will is hoping to impress the dragons

:53:02.:53:08.

with his story about skiing. But will the dragons be impressed?

:53:08.:53:18.

It's time for Will to put his mouth where his story is.

:53:18.:53:22.

Hang on, hang on. Sorry, off you go, Will. Couple of

:53:22.:53:26.

years ago, I went skiing with my family, I'm not a very good skiier.

:53:26.:53:30.

My mum thought it would be good idea to take me to the top of a

:53:30.:53:34.

black ski run, she said I can ski down this, I couldn't, she skied

:53:34.:53:38.

off and left me. I thought I would walk down without skiing, it took

:53:38.:53:45.

me three hours to get back to the hotel. So, Will has told quite a

:53:45.:53:55.
:53:55.:53:55.

dull story about skiing. But what will the dragons think?

:53:55.:54:05.
:54:05.:54:09.

Time for Hilary Devey to have her say! I'm out. Do it. It went well.

:54:09.:54:13.

That is very nearly it for tonight. But now we are going to play out

:54:13.:54:15.

with a very special musical performance, and hopefully the

:54:15.:54:19.

Christmas number one. Please welcome Gareth Malone and the

:54:19.:54:29.
:54:29.:54:59.

# Wherever you are # My love will keep you safe

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# My heart will build a bridge # Of love across both time and

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space # Wherever you are

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# Our hearts still beat as one # I hold you in my dreams each

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night # Until your task is done

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# Light after darkness # My wound rouse star

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Dk wond rus star # Our hopes and dreams

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# My heart and yours # Forever shining far

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# Light up the darkness # My Prince of peace

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# May the stars shine # All around you

:55:42.:55:52.
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# May your courage never cease # Wherever I am

:55:57.:56:07.
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# I will love you day by day # And keep you safe until day come

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our way # Wherever I am

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# Through the night # I pray each day

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# A safe return will bring you back # Light up the darkness

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# My wondrous star # Our hopes and dreams

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# My heart and your's # Forever shining bright

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# Light up the darkness # My Prince of peace

:56:40.:56:50.
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# May the stars shine all around # You may your courage never cease

:56:54.:57:04.
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# Ahhhhhhhh APPLAUSE

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Wow. Fantastic job. Gareth Malone and the Military

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Wives. Good luck for Christmas day. Thank

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you very much. Thank you so much.

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And of course thanks to all my guests tonight. Gillian Anderson,

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Russell Kane, Matt Smith, Dougie, Harry Judd and Hilary Devey. Join

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me next week for a look back at my highlights of 2011, then back on

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Friday 6th of January with Noel Gallagher and Gerard Butler, after

:57:57.:58:00.

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