Episode 10 The Graham Norton Show

This programme contains some strong language.

These people want want to see Madonna. These people are about to

APPLAUSE Oh. Oh. Oh.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh. Yeah! There is a lot of

excitement in the studio because yes, the one, the only Madonna is

here. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

I said excitement. This is me when I heard I was going to meet Madonna.

LAUGHTER And this is Madonna when she heard

she was going to meet me! LAUGHTER

Madonna is in town for the opening of her new film W.E..

A lavish film about the life of Wallace Simpson and Edward VIII. Do

we have the picture of palace? LAUGHTER

-- Wallace? Its ears are right! Madonna

directed the film and she cast two of Britain's hottest young actors

as Wallace and Edward and I will be meeting them, James DArcy and

Andrea Riseborough. APPLAUSE

I know, they are not Madonna, but well done!

LAUGHTER W.E. Is such a good story. Wallace

Simpson was a divorced woman who married The Prince of Wales. I

believe Madonna went to see Camilla for advice, yes, she did!

LAUGHTER Madonna, of course, as I'm sure you

know, she is down to earth, very down to earth, never looks down her

nose when she meets people who have less money than her!

LAUGHTER The Queen must have been so

confused. "but I'm Madge." Sex came with that amazing metal cover, do

you remember that? AUDIENCE: Yes.

Everyone was desperate to get a copy, yes!

LAUGHTER Madonna has taken her inspiration

for her looks from people throughout history, you know, here

is a Marilyn Monroe look. She likes Minnelli in car in cabaret and then

this look based on a 300-year-old queen.

Let's get our guest on, Sandbanks peninsula, Emeli Sande, but first

it is Madonna. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

All right. All right. We're here for a while. I don't know how to

sit on this couch. It is like a hot dog bun.

You are a lovely filling. Thank you for being here. There is a lot of

excitement in the room. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

The thing that struck me thinking about you is, obviously you can

remember, you know, when you weren't Madonna.

LAUGHTER You know what I mean, the per sown

narks the persona, can you remember what that felt like felt like?

enjoy when I am in environments when I feel anonymous.

When does that happen? When I was on my skiing holiday actually

because I was wearing a mask covering my face and goggles and so

I could ride the ski lift and nobody knew it was me.

So all the people watching this now... Like the people cutting in

front of me in the lines and hitting me with their ski pole.

It was a holiday for you! LAUGHTER

Jtsds you When I am at home with my children, they don't give a F who I

am. I hear the complaints and the moaning and I still have to

threaten to kill them if they don't do their homework!

Now, 2012, what a great year for you, not just the movie... But the

end of the world. Is it? No. What are we doing here?

Isn't that what everyone says, it is the last year as life as we know

it. But things could get better. Things are changing rapidly.

Yes, they are. Some for the better, some for the

worse. One of the good things, back to my

point... Yes. One of the good things, unless the

world ends will be happening is you are back on tour. Well, we are

going out with a bang, baby. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm thrilled

you're going on tour. They're thrilled you're going on tour. But

you, Madonna, how can you be arsed going on tour? Well, I just spent

the last three years making a film. OK, so will this be more fun?

it is just that I have to pay the rent.

Oh, I see. Now I hear you. I wasn't getting it at all. Is that what

motivates you? A girl has to make a living.

Well, I do enjoy it, truthfully. I enjoy putting the show together. I

enjoy the first two weeks and I enjoyted last two weeks.

So are the bits in the middle... There are great things along the

way, it is like doing a show every night, it is really hard. It is

hard work, but you know, for me it is the most rewarding of my jobs. I

love writing songs and I love, I loved making my film. I love all

the things that I do, but to be able to stand on a stage and feel

that very visceral connection with human beings and that thing that

only music can do with other humans is, there is nothing like it.

APPLAUSE And, a new album, quite soon, a new

album? Yeah. When is the new album? Soon. I mean

depending on how soon people download it, hack it my server and

leak it. Do people really do that? It is

terrible. It is just terrible. Can't people just wait and like

wait and let me finish it. It is fans that do it, isn't it?

keep saying to my manager, "Are they really my fans? If they love

me so much, why don't they let me put it out when I want to put it

out?" It is confusing behaviour, hackers, you know.

They arrested one of them, didn't they? Yes.

Have you seen him? I haven't. Should I? He is here.

No, he is not. No, he is in jail. What he has done

is a criminal offence. The album is out soon so does it

have a name? Yes. Why don't you ask my hacker? What's it called? Do you

know what it is called? Can you tell us? Oh, go on.

APPLAUSE Oh, go on.

Well, the only reason I hesitated because I could change my mind, I

am known to do that. You might not like it. They like it, trust me.

Mm, well I'm into initials... No, I was going to call it M DNA

Very good. Actually that points to the whole

thing about your music is you are quite, you are always ahead of the

trend? OK. Earlier in your career that must have been easier because

you were out in the clubs, you were setting the trends and you were

seeing people voguing... I send me daughter out. Seriously... No. She

is 14. Reconnaissance. How do you stay in

touch? With the real world. With the trends and what the kids...

I go out. Do you really? Yes.

You have got so much energy. LAUGHTER

I will just wait for your album? have friends in in low places!

LAUGHTER Because Lourdes is 14... Wait a

minute, she is 15. She is 16, but she is very sophisticated. Do you

get things off her? I don't ask her. I get her opinion. I play her songs

and clothes, other artists, she is very opinionated.

You did a really cute thing online, you and her were working together

on Material Girl and you are looking for a new face for Material

Face. We will show a clip of you and Lourdes together.

Material Girl. I will talk to my girls. They don't say that anymore.

I will say it in my world. I will say what I want in the timeless

world. I think you are an ageist. You are loo looksist and an ageist.

APPLAUSE That is our relationship.

Completely and utterly sums up our relationship.

I hear she is quite bossy as well? That's an under statement.

Where did she get it from? I don't know.

That's the other thing, I suppose. You have got four kids, how hard is

it to be a strict parent given that they know that you have broken

every rule in the book? You made a career out of doing that? Yes, but

there is two things I say to them. You can't cheat, you have to work

hard for everything and that is a really important thing in our house

and that includes all areas, where it is an after school activity or

your school work. No cheating, work hard, that's how you get ahead in

the world. If I see them, you know, being slackers then I can stand by

that and no one can say, I didn't work hard for what I did. If I say

to my daughter, "That outfit is too risque and revealing." And my

daughter looks at me and says, "That's rich coming from you."

APPLAUSE But I say, you know, I'm, you know,

when you're 15, you're going to have to allow me to guide you in

the dressing dressing department and when you get older, you can

make make decisions for yourself. We have lots of discussions and I

say, "Trust me on this." We have discussion between separating the

artest me with the parent me. Yes.

That's important too. And sometimes you just have to say, "Because I

said so." That's it. You can't have anymore discussions about it.

Now, we must talk about why you're here. A new movie, W.E. Out.

Congratulations. I have seen it twice? You have.

I've really enjoyed T the story is really well told. You must be

pleased with it? I'm super proud of it. Three years of my life.

And you were, I mean, you were incredibly hands on? Well, I wrote

it, but if I start from the writing process and the research up until

this moment, it has been three years of my life. The story is

familiar to a lot of people in Britain. You tell the story through

a prism of a modern love story. Well, the story is told through the

eyes of and the eyes, the brain, the consciousness of a modern day

woman who is looking at the story and thinking, "Oh my goodness, what

must it be like to be loved so much that someone would give up the

throne for you?" It is her journey, but you end up learning about the

story of Wallace Simpson and Edward VIII.

We are meeting the actors later. Here is a clip with Abbie Cornish

and Oscar Isaac setting up the London crowds stand stunned at the

almost unbelievable news. What are you thinking about? What it must

feel like to be loved that much. And what is your definition of

love? He gave up everything for her. APPLAUSE

I suppose, the juicy parallels between you and Wallace...

LAUGHTER Well, I am not as skinny as she is.

Don't go on about that! I have no sympathy at all. I'm just

kidding. Well, to a certain extent, there

are many aspects to her life that I could relate to in that I feel like

people reduced to her a couple of personality traits which weren't

complimentary and she was labelled ambitious and conniving and quite

one dimensional and I thought that was unfair and, you know, sometimes

being a celebrity one finds themselves being reduced to

adjectives that that aren't true. . Talk us through some of the

things you found. When Wallace Simpson walked into my bedroom one

night? Yes, that one. I had gone through lots of trials

and tribulation to say get the rights about her and I couldn't get

that and it seemed problematic and too many challenges and I thought,

"What am I doing, I am writing a story about the Royal Family, are

they going to hate my guts for telling this story? It is Wallace

Simpson and people are polarized about their opinion of her. One day

the doorbell rang and I answered it in my pie in my pyjamas and there

was no one there, but there was a height removals -- white removals

van and it said Montague Removals. She was Montague before she was

married. The universe is trying to tell me something.

The real oddness about that story is that you answered your own door.

You don't always answer your door, do you? Well, when my bloody staff

don't answer it! The ringer is going on and on. It

triggers the phone. So the phone is ringing and ringing and you are

like... LAUGHTER

I answered it myself. We kind of see it as the greatest love story

ever told, but your angle is different? I thought it was too.

Once I started reading and watching the documentaries, and when I got

to the letters because the letters are revealing, I realised whilst

there was great love between them, they both made huge sacrifices and

many compromises and they suffered because after they married they

were exiled. They lived in exiled and that pained Edward greatly.

Once you are the king, you can't get a job as a waiter, right?

will find that. Your way tretting days are behind

you, Madonna. I know, but you do have to think about these things

when things go tits up. LAUGHTER

I do have other talents. APPLAUSE

Remind me about your mindset, you talked about you don't believe in

perfect love anymore? Well, it is not that I ever believed in perfect

love, it is just from the outside, you know, if you are a romantic

like me, and every girl I know is. Every girl wants to be swept off

her feet by a knight in shining armour, unfortunately we are raised

on those fairytales and even if we are evolved human beings, we still

in the back of our mind think that Mr Right is going to come along and

sweep us off our feet and take us into the sunset and live happily

ever after. Am I right, ladies? AUDIENCE: Yes.

Am I right, ladies and gentlemen? AUDIENCE: Yes.

OK and then, you know, in the back of my mind we believe that, but in

the front of our mind we keep being reminded that it is not true. So we

keep getting disappointed. What you are saying is... It is a paradox,

isn't it? Because you want that, but on the other hand if if you

have got half a brain, you know it doesn't really exist.

Can you see yourself walking down the aisle again in an, "I do"

situation? I could actually, yes. APPLAUSE

I want want to talk about music and your career?

The people, the people must. Now, I don't want to kind of go

through all the statistics about 250 million albums. We have a nice

visual way... I hope it is nice. This is lovely. We are showing it

through the artistic prowess of two Italian men and they have made all

these dolls of you, I know this this sounds lame, these are really

good. You don't believe me, do you? Let me pick a good one. No, I'm

sorry. These are good. These are good. Where are the guys who made

them. There they are. What are your names? Hi.

Their names are hi and hi! You have got your mike pack on and

everything. That's Vogue. Sort of. Sort of. This is good. Not bad.

We're getting there! They are good, aren't they? Yeah, she is cute. Let

me see that one. The detail, I think, is amazing. You made me look

like a supermodel. When we said we would like tosses

your dolls and they were coming to the show, they then, see specially

for us, they made this, this is you at the Venice Film Festival. Well,

you don't have the glasses, you forgot the sunglasses. Oh, you have

them. Look at that, isn't that good?

APPLAUSE Well

Well done.

Well done. Thank

Well done. Thank you.

Well done. Thank you. Do

Do I

Do I get

Do I get to

Do I get to keep any of those? The other one is the only way to

have you at my home. That's a good one.

This is for her. Oh, that's why it is in a box. Thank you so much.

Can I have the sunglasses too? Come on, hurry up.

Thank you very much. Oh, look, they are adorable. Oh,

this is amazing, look at these... Put them on. Put them on. Look at

the detail. They open and everything. Isn't that amazing?

That is really impressive. APPLAUSE

They are not exactly the shape! Oh. Oh. Now, the thing is when I

was saying to people that you were coming on the show, a lot of my

friends said, "Are you going to ask Madonna about Lady Gaga?"

Well, what am I supposed to ask. What do people ask you about Lady

Gaga? I'm not saying. You have seen them come, you have

seen them go. When you see Lady Gaga, due do you think good luck to

you girl? When I saw her, I saw her performing in a small club in

Manhattan a few years ago, maybe it was three years ago, I was really

impressed by her. I thought she was really cool and she did remind me

of me back in the day. There was something fresh about her and the

way she spoke to the audience and it sounded like she had a similar

sense of humour and quite ironic and I liked her. I liked her. I

think she is very talented. APPLAUSE

I think it is more important that we discuss the fact that you have

named your dog after me. No, I didn't name my dog after you.

I heard you did. My dog is called Madge, but...

LAUGHTER But... What does that mean? It was

a rescue dog... LAUGHTER

Wait. It was a rescue dog and when I went to the rescue place they had

already called her Madonna and I thought I can't have a dog called

Madonna so I called her Madge. that help you separate those

things? I have got two two dogs, what am I

going to call the other one Madonna. What's your other dog's name?

Bailey. Not Not Ga Ga?

APPLAUSE Now, here is a weird thing. You

know we were talking about coincidences earlier. This is a bit

spooky, it may freak you out, but the other two guests on the show

tonight, they are only in the same film you directed. Yes, they play

Edward and Mrs Simpson in W.E. Please welcome James DArcy and

Andrea Riseborough. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Sit yourselves down. There you go. What a very smart

couch it is now. Don't they look handsome.

Gorgeous, tall and slender. Can we call him, His Royal Highness.

Madonna does and I think you should. That was a mistake at first, I sent

her a mistake. I sent her an e-mail and I said, "I hope you are God." I

thought I will just leave it. This must be beyond anything else

you have experienced being in a movie with Madonna at the helm?

It is unlike anything else I have experienced.

Do you meet? Did you have a face- to-face auditiony type type thing

or were they meetings? For my part Madonna had seen me playing

Margaret Thatcher in something I made.

That was really good. Have you seen the new one, have you seen the Iron

Lady one? You were robbed. And so had sent me the script and I

thought it was very unique and wonderful and I wanted to hear

about it and hear what fuelled her passion for it and I went to meet

her and I rr thinking she was very graceful and fine boned and

delicate and she sat down and started getting passionate about

the subject. It was infectious and fortunately, she liked me and

then... I thought she was fine boned and delicate too. And then we

spent every day together for seven months really.

And what about yourself? Well, Madonna had seen me play Margaret

Thatcher and we met on Skype, I was in... Was that a coincidence or...

Do you go on Chat Roulette? What is that? I just stay away from

the internet full stop. You should.

Except from when she she Skyped me to say hello and tell me about the

pro project. I don't know if you know this. She froze in a slightly

unflattering, well you didn't strike a pose and I didn't know

what to say and I spent the next 20 minutes thinking, "I suspect I also

froze and I'm looking like a gargoyle and I don't think I'm

going to get this job.". It was when I met him that I felt let

down! APPLAUSE

James, you learned new skills for this film, didn't you? I did, yeah.

Madonna wrote it into the film that I had to play the bagpipes. I cut

the scene. I don't remember that. He really learned how to play them

and it is really hard. And then you cut it.

You learned how do dance. You cut that.

The dance was with you and Andrea. The big dance has gone.

These are stills you have for life! We have got a clip on this is

Wallace meeting Edward and you are doing beautiful dancing. Feast your

I love it, except for the lack of central heating.

You need somewhere to keep you warm. Isn't that what husbands are for?

don't know. You might have to find out.

A stunning couple. Congratulation on the score, Golden Globe

nominations. Are you doing press for this all over the world? Yes,

we are best friends now. Of course, you are. Are you doing

lots of global press, you guys, are you talking to journalist from

around the world? Yes, we are talking to journalist from around

the world, you you being one of them. It is like obvious that we're

doing it! APPLAUSE

It is going somewhere. Oh. Oh yes. You are not stalling for time.

This is going somewhere because I thought I could give you a little,

well a little sort of warning... SNORING

You should have got an Oscar for Evita. You gave an interview in

English to an Hungarian journalist and it got translate nood Hungarian

and they put it through a translation computer site to get it

back into English... What I supposedly said.

I thought we would re-create it and Andrea, if you could give us your

Madonna, you have studied the lady for sometime, I am expecting a

marvellous performance. You are an unnamed Hungarian journalist. I am

so sorry to give you so little to work with. I would would lean on

accent. OK, very good actors. Re- creating your interview in an

Hungarian magazine. Action! Madonna, did you have a visit that

was agreeable? Are you in good order? Thank you for saying these

come compliments. APPLAUSE

Please, stop taking sensationalist photographs until I have removed my

garments for all the scene. LAUGHTER

This is a joke I have made. Madonna, let's cut to the hunt. Are you a

bold hussy woman who feasts on men who are toys?

Yes! Yes! This is certainly something that brings to the

surface my longings. LAUGHTER

Don't make this up. In America is not considered to be

mentally ill when a woman advances on her prey in a discotech setting.

LAUGHTER OK. These are questions from Left

Space. What was your book Slut about?

APPLAUSE My book was called Sex. Not in

Hungary. Here it was called Slut. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Right, it is time for our music act tonightment this lady has just won

the Brits Critic's Choice Award and now she is going to sing for

Madonna. Performing Next To Me, # Rolling dice staying out to three.

# You won't find me unfaithful # You you won't find him Next To Me

# # You won't find him trying to chase the devil

# For money, power and greed # You won't ever find him

# You will find him Next To Me # Next To Me

# You will find him, you will find him Next To Me

# When the money is spent and all my friends have vanished

# And I can't seem to find no help # I know there is no need for me to

panic because I'll find him, I'll find him Next To Me

# When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing

# And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe

# When all I need to stop the tears from falling, I will find him, I

will find him Next To Me # Next To Me

# I will find, I will find him Next To Me

# When the end has come and the building is falling down fast

# When everyone lass lost their heads around us

# I will find him, I will find him Next To Me

# Next To Me # # Next To Me

# Next To Me # I will find him, I will find him

Next To Me # Next To Me

# # Next To Me # Next To Me

# I will find him, I will find him Ladies and gentlemen, Emeli Sande.

Hello, lovely lady. Congratulations. Sit down.

That was really beautiful. Oh. Was that a little nerve-

wracking and cruel to do to you? Yes, a little bit.

Did you like it, Madonna? Yeah, I loved it. You sung great. Nice hair.

That's off Emeli Sande's album and it is called M DNA - no, the title

has gone. Our Version Of Events. Wow, it is very small writing.

Isn't it true, your actual name is Adel? Yes.

How annoying is that? Three years ago I made the big decision to be

Emeli. Congratulations and best of luck with the future. A gorgeous

song. Before we go, it is a red chair

special because this week only stories are that involve Madonna.

Your gloves would look very good on herment I'm just saying. I'm I'm

just saying. I'm not saying anything.

Who is up first. Who is up first.

Hi, how are you? What's your name, sir? It is John.

What do you do, John? I work as a commercials producer. I make ads.

He makes odds! Wait. Wait, what is an ad? It is

like an ad in Ireland. He looks like he is preparing to tip over.

He should be preparing! Off you go. When I was 11 I asked

for In Bed with Madonna for Christmas and I got Michael

Bolton's greatest hits. I saved up my pocket money and my mother came

home and said what is this and Madonna climbed into bed and began

to touch herself and there was silence and then I was asked to go

to bed. Think it gave my mother two years of hope that I might one day

give her grandchildren. APPLAUSE

Well done, John. Wow.

John was very fashion forward there, wasn't he?

That is not a January look! LAUGHTER

Time for one more. Hello. What's the deal with the yellow?

is big, isn't it?. Your name, I'm guessing isn't Fred Mello.

My name is Lucan. I have got a message for Madonna.

The story is when she came to Romania, we had to write a message

and I won the contest and I won a signed photo for her, thank you,

Madonna. That's what they gave you for

writing the welcome message for a country.

It was just a contest. This is the winning entry? Yes,

this is the winning entry. I changed it. Dear Madge, I know

you're going to hear this message. I'm nervous and it takes a lot of

courage. This is my way to say say how much you mean to me and after

reading this, you will know just how I feel.

Shush. Wait. This could be could be Shakespeare.

I have been a fan of yours since I was very young. Your music is like

a drug. The rhythm and the beat makes me feel high. Sometimes it

makes me cry. Finally.

APPLAUSE If

If you

If you want