Episode 9 The Graham Norton Show

This is Sparta. On the show tonight, the star of 300. Top music, acting

royalty and a cute little doggy. Oh, oh!

I'm exhausted. Happy New Year, everyone. The first show of 2012

and what a show it's going to be. Hollywood hunk, Gerard Butler is

here. Martin Freeman is here! Doctor Who assistant, Karen Gillan

is on the show! Musical superstar, Noel Gallagher is here!

And, and..I wasn't lying, the star of the new silent movie The Artist,

Uggie the dog is here. Ah! Uggie living the film-star life

on the red carpet. Here he is partying afterwards!

Very excited to be meeting Gerard Butler star of the hit film 300.

Look at that! A great man stripped to the waist,

always erotic...well! Nearly always!

Imagine 300 of them! Martin Freeman's joining me. Yes, he is.

He's appearing as Dr Watson in the brilliant new series of Sherlock.

The next series is based on The Hound Of The Baskervilles, a

terrifying dog that ate two of the Baskerville family. I could not eat

another Baskerville! The first episode was action-packed,

ladies and gentlemen. Holmes and Watson had to deal with a robbery

in Baker Street, a heist in the High Street and even a snatch in

Belgravia. We have music with Noel Gallagher,

but first, it's Dr Watson himself, Martin Freeman!

She made a big splash, it's Karen Gillan.

Beautiful. Hello, my darling. Sit yourself down there.

And at last, I've got my very own Oh, happy New Year, all.

Happy New Year. Oh! They love you all! Equals. Just because Gerard

got a bigger round of applause, that's means nothing. Thanks very

much. This is from Martin's partner. He's a vessel for love. That's

really nice. You went right past Karen Gillan. We already had a kiss

backstage. Fair enough. I'll keep the show as quick as possible so

you can get back to it! And you've just come from a premiere. I did,

yes. Corps rainious. Yes. But I gave it up to come and see you.

You're a Scott, I thought you might be sporting a kilt on the red

carpet. Do you do it? Yes I have done it. On the red carpet? No.

lot of people are saying, "You have." Oh, in Glasgow, I did. Do

you want to answer these questions for me. By the way, this lady, did

you move to America? She's from Scotland but just goes...Wherever

You go? She knows the answers better than I do. If I say anything

wrong, you'll keep me in line. Apparently she will.

I wore a kilt at my sister's wedding in Paisley Scotland and I

had to go up and do a reading. And my mother and the family were in

the front row, and, as you know in Scotland, there's a certain rule to

wearing the kilt and I was sitting like this. And everyone's leaning

forward for the poem and looking at me and my mum is going like this. I

think she's telling me to pray. And the whole congregation is watching

me and I'm looking at her and I go like this...and she's like....and

then I realise that everybody is staring right up...So I go...

And that's why I always forget that I've worn kilts. It's always a

disaster. Because, Karen, you're from Scotland aren't you? I am

have you tried kilts? I'm still traumatised by something that

happened to me the other day. I was at my cousin's wedding and I

thought I'm going to film and send it to her as a present. And

suddenly the film went all dark, and I realised it was an up-kilt

shot of my cousin. Did you leave it? No, it's deleted. It could be

the extras of the wedding. Here it is here. Listen, not only

are we pleased, Gerard Butler that you're on the show, we're glad

you're on planet Earth. Because we nearly lost you before Christmas.

Is that true? Because it was on the news? It's true then! OK. This is

one of the few times that maybe the reports were not exaggerated. It

was a pretty close call. The movie I was making was about big surf. So

we were if a place called satisfy maverick, where the waves are huge

and I'd surfed some and suddenly these waves came out of nowhere and

I'm with three of the best surfers in the world and suddenly they're

saying, "Paddle, paddle" this wave was 30 feet high and I just dived

in and it took me and I was under and you get to that stage when you

think, "I've got to get up" I ripped my leash off so there was

nothing to pull me up. And I was tumbling and going and going and I

needed to get up and I felt the next wave going and it was all over

again. And I thought "there's a whole film crew up there going

"where is he. I'm interested. How long did it feel like you were

under, because you know people say your life flashes in front of you.

How long did it feel? Well, I think I got out of my depth a couple of

times and sometimes you're only under for a two seconds, and it

feels like minutes. Oh, my God, I'm reliving it. Let's move on. This

isn't chat show gold. Now, Gerard, I think I've been very well to hold

off until now. Let's talk about your body. CROWD CHEER. Is that you

surfing now? I don't know what that is? Do you know where that is?

Hawaii. Seriously? You were there. You probably took photos.

But was 300 the first time you seriously did the body building?

I did it for Tomb Raider. Of course, that was first. Yeah, that's the

movie where I kind of went a bit crazy. I was training six hours a

day when I did 300 and I was pumping and I would have a trolley

of weights round and it was just between each take. Actually, in all

seriousness, it really helped me get into the intensity of the

character. Because I noticed in another movie, a viking movie and

I'd done half on weights and half on not, and I could so see the

difference with the aggression. testosterone? Yes. Because in Love

Actually, Martin, you had to get your kit off. You were a porn

double. Well, I'll say this for Richard Curtis's sake, I wasn't

meant to be a porn double, I was kind of Eyes Wide Shut, that kind

of high end. Did you feel the pressure to get fit? Yes, I got a

one pack. Richard was straight with me. I came in with an eight pack,

and Richard said, "You've got to be more normal." Yirks it would have

been nice to play a guy with Gerard's physique. But I don't

think I have the same commitment. And I take my hat off to that.

when you don't have a movie, do you let it go? It depends what I have

coming up next. But I do try and keep in some condition. Because it

gets intense, eepgsly with a role like that. And sometimes you let go

as intensely. Have you ever met a nice lady and taken your clothes

off and she's gone, "Are you the gentleman that was in 300."

many times. Oh, really? They ask for their money back!

The guys used to come up and say, "It's hard to watch that movie and

you've got that body and I have a girlfriend" and I'm thinking, "I

don't have a body like that." And literally this is what happens. You

see people going, "Oh, there's Gerard...oh, my God, look at that."

And they start, "Oh, it's a little chilly, I'll put my T-shirt on."

And you're in Coriolanus, the new movie out in January. And it's

Shakespeare, but it's very accessible telling of the story,

isn't it? Yeah, it's modern-day. We filmed it in Serbia, which seemed

very appropriate. And that's what I loved about it. I read it and I

thought - I mean it's shake Shakespeare but it's very easy to

understand and it's like Hurt Locker. There are incredible battle

sequences in it and a lot of political manipulation and

incredible intimacy. The first professional engagement I had as an

actor was in Coriolanus. So it has sort of come full sickle that I was

sent a script. And I was worried because people think Shakespeare is

slow, but the pacing of it? You saw it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it turned out

really well. It's a very powerful piece. I'm very happy with it.

We're going to show you and Ralph Fiennes in one of your fights. It's

really intense, a proper fight. It's full on! Talk about

Shakespeare being accessible. You don't even have to throifpb any

Shakespeare! -- have to listen to any Shakespeare! But taking on

Ralph Fiennes in a fight like that, do you think, "I could easily beat

the crap out of you?." Yes! No, I was impressed with his toughness.

It was two solid days to shoot that sequence and it just became about

two guys going at it. And it's all about the imagery. It's quite a

homoerotic film. You could look at it that way. I didn't..!

If any blokes are watching and looking for a date movie I would

say it's a very good one, because the woman will think you're very

clever because it's "Shakespeare" but there are a lot of battle

scenes. So it's a win-win situation. Another movie out getting a lot of

buzz is The Artist. Have any of you seen it? No, I want to see it.

a silent movie and one of the stars is a Jack Russell dog named Uggie

APPLAUSE Ladies and gentlemen, please

welcome Uggie. Here he comes! Omar is the trainer of Uggie.

Hello, Uggie, hello. How are you? Oh, you're so good. He's brilliant

in the film. Thank you. He does lots of things. By the way, I hope

you didn't find it too upsetting, Gerard, the surfing. It was quite

theraputic. There's a bit in the movie, when the guns go bang.

I've had an idea. Since he can do the skateboarding thing and he can

do falling. Maybe it would help Gerard through his traumatic memory

of the surfing accident if Uggie could relive it for him. Yes, he

can do all that stuff. Fantastic.. Thank you very much, Sir. We will

see you later for the surfing. Ladies and gentlemen, Uggie and

Omar. Bye! Ah! How brilliant is that dog.

Amazing. Amazing. Was that very emotional watching it for you.

it's been helpful. And talking about emotional, Karen Gillan,

Doctor Who go boboo, because she go bye bye. When are you out of it?

Well, I'm going back next year, and a few more episodes, but it's not

yet confirmed when I go. And is it a proper dead? I have no idea.

nobody really dies in Doctor Who, do they? Well, I don't know.

you a companion for ever, do you think? I would like to be a

companion for ever. Because, the Whovians are quite well known for

being....Enthusiastic. Thank you! What kind of mad things have you

had? Well, there's this one guy who sends post cards from everywhere he

goes on holiday and the last postcard I received was from my

home town and it said, "I hope to bump into you." He's nice. Call the

police! He's in the audience. Why don't you send me post cards?

You're going to get them now, daily. You hear stories about fans, and

Martin, you're The Hobbit now. apparently. So are you prepared for

what is going to happen? prepared as...since The Office I've

had ten years of interest and stuff. But we were on holiday in venteo

earlier in the year and I realised this time next year I might not

be...you know what I mean? There are probably most places where The

Hobbit won't have been seen. Although I hear Eritrea is a lovely

place. I'm joking. And the fans attract the interest and you go to

the big conventions, but Gerard Butler, you have your own Gerard

Butler conventions. And I think we're seeing who is behind them.

More than a lucky guess, Martin Freeman. So these are real?

Apparently so, yeah. Yeah, they've had them in Glasgow, in Vegas

and..It's Vegas the one that we belong to. Sorry, what is your name,

lady? Moira. How many people go? About 100. Moira, you could have

talked it up a bit! We weren't going to do a head count.

We weren't going to check. You could have gone with 500. 300.

Hurrah! This isn't live, there's still time

to change it! Well, next time we'll all go. It

will be great. So, listen, Karen, already you've got something new.

Yes. BBC Four later this month we'll see We'll Take Manhattan.

And there you are. And it's based around a photo shoot. Yes, a photo

shoot for Vogue magazine in 1962 and how they changed the face of

fashion and had an explosive love affair along the way. And both of

them are still alive. Yes. And Jean saw it and really liked it and left

a voicemail saying she thought it was really accurate. So that was

the best complement I could have got. Because you were a model.

a couple of years, yeah. So did this make you miss it or "thank God

I don't do that any more." Yeah. You didn't like it at all? It was

an OK way to earn money because I was working in a pub before that.

But it wasn't inspiring. There was a couple of things I had to do,

like put a bucket over my head. were asked, as a model, to put a

bucket over your head? It was for the shoes. Oh, the shoes. So there

weren't any distractions. As if a bucket..oh, look at the shoes!

Nigh this is you in a clip, this is you and your co-star, who is

Jean. Head up. A bit more. Yeah, down the bear. That's it. Give us a

profile. Yeah, up a bit. Too much. Into the light. Little smile. Oh,

come on, that's not the way you looked at me at three in the

morning. That's it! Done. Done? We're done. What's

next? Can we have a cup of coffee, I'm freezing my tits off here.

hasn't even brought out a tripod. We haven't done anything we wanted

to do. Was that OK? Yeah, yeah, of course.

Taxi! Congratulations, Martin Freeman,

Sherlock is back. It was brilliant the last time, but it's better.

Thanks. We're really genuinely pleased and excited about it.

you only make three at a time. They're very good. They're 90

minutes, what do you want, blood? Six? But it's like three feature

films. And when you watch them, each one is like a very good

feature film. I hope so, thanks. But will you be able to make any

more because you're in the biggest movie, The Hobbit. Yes, and there

he is. Is that your life taken over now?

Yes, for a certain amount of time, yes. But the hope is, the plan is,

we will do a third series of Sherlock. Oh, fantastic taskic.

There's certainly more to do and I would like to do it. It's one of

the things I've thought, ever that I would like to do it. It's

certainly a nice way to spend your time. It seems to me that Dr Watson

is a character that women would be drawn to because they want to take

care of him. Have you had more attention since it? I'm aware that

there is some of that going on. Aware how? It's weird because I've

spent most of the year in New Zealand so it's not been first-hand.

But you know, I've got a computer. That's really dodgy. I know. It is.

Listen, we're very excited. We've got an exclusive clip from next

Sunday's episode. You don't say a lot in it. But then you don't say a

lot. Fuck you, I won a BAFTA. You're very good. But you do a lot

of listening. Acting is listening, lovey. Yes. You know that. I was

very bad at it. You do some talking in this, but there's quite a lot of

lining. Yes, but watch the listening. It's good listening.

Ladies and gentlemen, feast your eyes and ears on the listening of

the BAFTA-award winning Martin Freeman.

How on earth did you notice that. not now Sherlock. Traces the

ketchup around your lips and on your sleeve. Probably a sandwich.

How did you know it was disappointing? Is there any other

type of breakfast. Now, I believe Uggie the dog is

ready backstage to help Gerard come to terms with his surfing trauma.

Uggie, are thru? Oh, look at his little board shorts!

Waves on. Can he stand? Oh, he can.

There he goes. Oh! I hate to say it but he's a better

surfer that I am. Time for our musical act tonight. This man left

behind one of the most iconic bands in British pop history to storm

back to the top of the charts as a solo artist. Please welcome Noel

I stupidly said you're a solo artist, but you're not, you're in a

band? No, I'm not. I've just got a name. It's Noel Gallagher's High

Flying Birds. That's the name of the band, but it's just me. It's

all about you? Always. Congratulations it went to number

one. It's better than number two. But gratifying. Well, if there's a

chart, you might as well be top of it. These are wise words. It was

great. I went to number one the day that City beat United 6-16789 an

unbelievable day. And I was watching the game and got the phone

call at the same time and I was like, "Brilliant..." but... So the

day was one of the best days I've ever had in my entire life.

Do any of you know each other? met Martin before. I've never..I

know of these two. I've seen his...I know her, she's Doctor Who.

I've actually seen his film once, you know 300 and I did what most

men do watching it going.... I'm going to the gym. Gerard, you're a

fan of Noel's aren't you? Big time. Oh...yeah. Is there a story about

that. Did you know on my birthday I sang Wonder Wall. Yeah, I did know

that. That's why... He's on, you're a fan, what could be the link!

my song, I love it. Oh, no. It's my song! And didn't you do something

the same time the record was finished? On the first day of

recording, I got to the studio. I'd had about a year off and I got to

the studio and I was just about to put a bass down on the first track

and the phone went and it was Sarah and she said, "I've got news" and I

was like "oh!" and I thought it could be anything. And she said,

"I'm pregnant" and I was like, wow, I'd better get a crack on. It took

obviously nine months for my son, and I finished my album just at the

same time to prove the theory that they're equally important. She

doesn't agree with that. And nor will he. They're the only two

things that take nine months. is it difficult to juggle you being

a dad and being a superstar? It's amazing. The more kids you have,

the more work you want to do. There's your manager saying, you've

never been to Mogadishu. We need to play for the Tamil Tigers. Is that

why you recorded some of the album in. And LA? Well, I have an

American producer and he hated England. It was at this time of the

year and I think he walked in a block and he didn't see a star

bucks and the sun was...and he hated it. And he got back on the

plane and said if you want to work with me come to LA. And I thought

"I could think of worse places to work" I love the perform trees.

this time round you met a very important person, a VIP. Oh, yeah.

I'd been staying in the same hotel for three months on and off and I

was walking through the reception and the manager came out and said,

"Mr Gallagher can you have a word" and I was like, "Oh, what" and he

said, "In the office" and I was like, "Have I been smoking in the

room again?" and he said, "I don't want to alarm you, but over the

weekend you may get a visit from the Secret Service." And I took my

sunglasses off and say, "What?" and he said, "The American Secret

Service" and I'd just got a computer for Christmas and I kind

of hack away with it and try to work it and I was thinking "have I

sent something?" is this like one of those Thunderbird's big screens

"what's that?" and I was, like, "The Secret Service?" and he said

"they're coming in with a very special guest and he usually takes

up the whole of the top floor but I told him there was a celebrity from

England here and I can't move him" and I said, "Who is it?" thinking

Obama, or Elton John and he said, "It's the King of Tonga." And I was,

leek, what? So there was just me and him on the whole of this floor

and the CIA. When I finally got to meet the King, I probably watch too

much Scooby-Doo. But I thought he would have a grass skirt on. I did.

And he kind of got into the lift when I was there, and he's like

some kind of guy from Buckinghamshire. And I was like

"where are the drums." Did he tell you, "I'm the King of Tonga"?

had a T-shirt on. So, listen, what track are you

singing for us tonight? I'm going to sing for you If I Had A Gun off

my new record. Very good. Is this the one that your son has done the

alternative words to? Yes, the lyrics go if I had a gun I'd shoot

a hole into the sun. His words were "if I had a gun I'd shoot a hole

into your bum." I see a future there. A chip off the old block.

He's special for sure. OK, so if you want to go over there and get

ready. Noel Gallagher. In a moment, we'll be hearing our first stories

of the New Year but, first, performing If I Had A Gun, it is Mr

Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds. # If I had a gun I'd shoot a hole

into the sun # And I would burn this city down

for you # If I had the time I'd stop the

world and make you mine # And every day would stay the same

with you # Oooooh #

# If you had a dream I'd show you now what it would mean

# For the tears you cry would fade away...away

# I'll be by your side when they come to say goodbye,

# We will live to fight another day # Excuse me, I spoke too soon

# My eyes have already followed you around the room

# 'Cos you're the only one # Come and live with me

# I'm holding on, holding on to family

# Ooooooh # Oooooooh

# Oh, I daren't' speak too soon # My eyes have always followed you

around the room # 'Cos you're the only guide that I

will ever need # I'm holding on, waiting for the

moment # For my heart to be unbroken by

the seams # Aaaaah

Hello # Let me fly into the moon

# My eyes have always followed you # Around the room

# 'Cos you're the only guide that I will ever need

# I'm holding out and waiting for the moment you find me

# Aaaaaah # If I had a gun I'd shoot a hole

into the sun # And I would burn this city down

for you # Noel Gallagher, ladies and

gentlemen! Congratulations. Thank you very

much. Take a seat there.

We've just got time before we go tonight for our storyteller in the

red chair. Who is up first. Hello. Hi. You, the lady in the chair.

We're doing this bit now. Sorry. What's your name, nice lady? Ann.

What do you do? I'm a hypnotherapist. You see, now we're

all interested. Have you been to one? Yes, I have. I won't ask for

why, but did it work? For a little while. It worked for a little while,

Ann. She's kept the receipt. Where do you live? In Bracknell in

Berkshire. I'm strangely hypnotised already. Gerard's loving it. I've

been hypnotised to forget her name. Ann. Off you go. Several years ago

I used to ride an Arab stallion in the desert. Hello!

Ann, can I just say if this story continues on this level, we're

loving it. That's a brilliant first line to a story. OK, so you're

riding an Arab stallion in the desert. Yes, and I was always told

to avoid the wild horses in the desert but on this occasion I

didn't notice them coming up. So as they approached one of the mares

wHinnied to my stallion. He pricked up his ears. In fact, he pricked up

everything. And she seemed willing, so he decided to have his wicked

way with her. With you on top? me on top! Wow! There was nowhere

for me to go, because the other wild horses were still around us so

I decided the safest place to be was in the saddle. So to speak!

Thank God you weren't on the mare. Wow! You need your own hypnotherapy

after this. So go on. I'm hanging on for dear life and he finally

satisfies himself so he dismounts and I rode him back to the stables

with a very big grin on his face. Is that the end of it? Yes. Oh!

Well done, everyone. If you'd like to join us in the red chair, go on-

line at this address. Thank you so much for everyone on the show. Noel