Episode 18 The Graham Norton Show

On the show tonight, France's most famous actor. Actually I'm fluent

in French myself. Bonsoir Madame. Pretentious cow!

Let's start the show! APPLAUSE

Hello. Hello. Hello. Good evening. Good evening.

APPLAUSE Bonsoir, we have France's most

famous actor. Gerard Depardieu is here. Yes, he is here. Star of

Homeland, Damian Lewis is on the show, ladies and gentlemen. Yes! We

have music and chat from the wonderful, Olly Murs.

And joining us later from the set of the Hour, Dominic West will be

here. Yes, he is. Oh. What a line up. Gerard Depardieu. I can't wait.

I can't wait to talk about all things French. Now thanks to the

Eurostar in a mere three hours you can be in a siding just outside

Ashford. Now, as you know, one of the biggest tourist attractions in

France is EuroDisney. Yeah, they celebrate all things Disney. Here

is the princess and the frog. Yeah. Just before she ripped its legs off

and ate them! LAUGHTER

Of course, the French are famous for their coq au vin or dogging.

LAUGHTER When I go to France, I always drive

so you can stock up on booze and it is all tax free as long as it is

for personal use. Yeah, here is me coming back from Calais!

APPLAUSE But above all the French are so

passionate about their wine, aren't they? Here is some French wine

being made. Mm, and here is some English wine being made.

LAUGHTER You know it's true.

First it is Olly Murs. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Graham, hi ya. Lovely to see you.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE And he is back in his homeland, it

is Damian Lewis. APPLAUSE

And bon And bonjour, it is Gerard APPLAUSE

WHISTLING. Sorry, I was told to take the crack.

LAUGHTER The sofa is very euro sofa tonight

because... Yes, I understand. LAUGHTER

You have just arrived from Paris? Yes. Yes. Yes.

It is silly because you are not so confident with your English, are

you? I am not confident. I try to understand much better than I speak,

but I understand enough. If there are any problems we have a

translator for you. There she is. Bonjour. It is hard to be fat and

alone. LAUGHTER

I think he just got himself a date there!

Her name is Aurelie. Merci.

You have just come from Italy. Cei.

You are filming there and hence the slightly odd hair.

Yes, thanks. LAUGHTER

Thanks for bringing that up. I was expecting odder. I don't know

what Olly Murs excuse is, but keep going.

It was meant to look like Oll and it came out like this. I was the

pratt that said can you give me the authentic 18th century because I

have been filming Romeo And Juliet and they gave me one so I look like

a peanut. It is welcome to Olly Murs because

you have been in Germany. I have been in Germany. I have been

doing My Heart Skips A Beat in Germany. It was number one in the

iTunes market. It is the third biggest music market in the world

and I didn't know that. Damien and Olly, do you play play

play football together? Yes. He is very good. Head down. Soccer. They

are talking about soccer. The English are very strong.

LAUGHTER I support Montpellier in France.

Montpellier. Because they are young and they

love the game. My sole is here! LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER Later

Later on

Later on this

Later on this year

Later on this year Asterix & Obelix, you really are Obelix, it is back.

I don't remember being in that film, but...

LAUGHTER And this time you shot it in

Ireland? Yes. And you were in all the papers, you

were going to Ireland, wherein you? -- weren't you? Yes, I pee on the

plane, yes. APPLAUSE

I thought you were going to tell us a story, no that never happened.

You did pee on a plane? Of course. LAUGHTER

Because you can't stop when you have some - when you want to pee,

please, go pee. LAUGHTER

Nobody can stop you if you want to pee because you can die. I said,

"Please." LAUGHTER

Organic things, you know. She said, "No, I said give me a bottle." I

pee on the plane and she said ha. I said I will clean it.

Oh too much for the bottle? much.

That can happen. APPLAUSE

The papers had a field day with it. The Sun had, "Gerard Depardieu has

a wee issue. The Guardian went with, "Gerard

Depardieu accused of urinating on a plane." They didn't really get into

the swing of it. The turn of the words, pee.

All boys have peed in a bottle. Everybody. I pee in the car.

I have had half leakage before. stop there?

What do you mean half leakage? go for the toilet and you think you

are finished so you put it back in and zip and you look down and

realise that it is continuing to go and then the common thing that us

guys do, it is the tap. The tap was was splashing, yeah.

LAUGHTER It is true. It is true. Is it time

to sing yet? I understand. Yes. Damien is meant to say yes as well.

I don't know how girls manage. used to live in a mews house with a

cobbled street outside and I woke up and I had a vivid dream of

pissing in the street. I lay there and I just remembered turning,

getting out of my bedroom door, not turning right down to the bathroom,

but going left, opening the front door, going out into the middle of

the street and just peeing and went back to bed and going back to sleep

again. In the morning I was thinking, "Did that really happen?"

There was only one way to fin out. I walked out and had a look at the

street and four enough, four or five cobbled streets in the middle

of the street were a slightly darker colour than the rest. I was

sleep pissing. LAUGHTER

A very strange thing to do. I was going for a toilet in my

dream... Olly, that's just wetting the bed!

That's what happened. APPLAUSE

Gerard Depardieu, Oscar-nominated, over over 180 films.

Wow. APPLAUSE

And yet, but reading about your childhood, you know when you were

young, there was no, it seems like, there was no clue that you would

have a life as an tack tor? -- actor?

It seemed to happen abruptly. don't know how it happened. Just to

speak and to meet the people because I loved the life and I

loved the people. I don't think I'm a good actor, you know. No, because

I think that acting as soon as you dream to be an actor, you become

very... Bad. Shit. He went with shit. I just believe.

I'm here. I don't know you. You know me by the pictures you see,

but you don't know me. It is interesting about people's

ambition because Damien, you wanted to be an actor from very small,

didn't you? About 16 when I decided. Weren't you smaller when you used

to dream of being on chat shows? You are right.

LAUGHTER Keep the cards.

Yes, I used to do silly voices in front of the bathroom mirror yeah

as a ten-year-old pretending I was yeah being interviewed by Terry

Wogan. What questions did he ask you at

ten? Can you now do an Irish actent. -- accent, to be sure, yes, I can.

Can you do your American accent? Yes, gee, sure I can.

And Olly, down the end, amazing what happened to you. I mean such

huge success in a relatively short space of time.

Yeah, 2009 I was on The X Factor which was a long time ago.

It really wasn't? No, it wasn't. The X Factor was not your first

appearance on a television programme, was it? No, it wasn't.

Because you were on Deal or No Deal? I was, back in the day. Don't

ask me why I won. We have a picture of you on the

show. Oh... No, but you were one of those

idiots, how much were you offered at one point? �26,000.

It was one of the worst moments of my life. It really was and the

thing is it is one of those things, anyone that has done a TV show, you

come off it and as soon as I won a tenner, you are off. I was

contemplating the fact that I could have gone away with �26,000 and I

am sat on this coach with three other contestants and I have I have

got a guy called Johnny who won �45,000 and a woman who won �16,000

and I'm sitting there with a tenner and they give you a certificate

that says, "Congratulations, you have won." And they write it in.,"

"you have won �10." I had to wait for a cheque.

No, they didn't just give you a tenner?

LAUGHTER Talking of business now because

Gerard Depardieu, you have many other interests. Yes.

Talk us through some of your businesses.

LAUGHTER Yes, business, yes.

Do you own an oil field in Cuba? Yes.

OK, just checking. LAUGHTER

Do you have a Romanian telecommunications and textiles

company? LAUGHTER

Do you have two restaurants? much more.

Oh much more? Four. Did you buy them when you sold sold

your Romanian telecommunications... He has a fish mongers shop.

A fish mongers shop?. Yes, because I love the fishermen. I am not gay,

but I could be gay. APPLAUSE

They can catch me! LAUGHTER

We must talk about your great passion for food and wine? Yes.

Which are your big loves? Much more than Jamie Oliver.

LAUGHTER Much more.

Yes. OK. Much more, much more. OK and then we wink.

LAUGHTER I lost my teeth with a piece of

Jamie Oliver recipe. LAUGHTER

Oh dear. LAUGHTER

We all love food and wine. It is gorgeous, but the problem is with

the food and wine it's the - do you have to worry about the...

LAUGHTER The?. SPEAKS FRENCH

I would never have said that. I wouldn't.

Everybody ends up who are zontly as in -- who are zontly as in dead.

I really don't give a a shit. Did you go on a water diet once or

something? Yes, always. LAUGHTER

That must be terrible. No. It is wonderful because after water diet,

you have two diets, one is nothing. And one, another one, is everything.

LAUGHTER That's starvation. You just drink

water, is that? I don't think there is a book in it.

LAUGHTER Day one... But fizzy. I am on a no

carbs diet. I went on holiday at the start of the year and you know

the paps are there taking pictures and I had a bit of a belly and I

decided that's it I'm I'm losing weight, I'm eating chicken breast

and cashew nuts for breakfast and steak and green beans for lunch and

salmon and chicken or something for evening.

That's sad. That's sad. No potatoes.

I want to be a closet, I don't want to be a closet.

He doesn't want to be a closet. LAUGHTER

You look lovely. He looks lovely, but after he will look like bull

bullshit. He will get older, you know...

The olderness is nothing. It is nothing. On your head, look you are

wonderful like that. Ah, thank you very much.

I am wonderful like that. You are. Now, we must sale brate the --

celebrate the great success of the award-winning Homeland.

APPLAUSE It is has already been a huge hit

in the States and it has gone incredibly well here. People are

loving it here. Now, so far we know nothing so there are twelve

episodes, by the end do we know whether you have been turned on

not? When you say turned? Well, you know, are you looking for the other

side? Are you a double agent? will be psychologically and

emotionally devastating. So no, we don't?

Because there is another series? There will be resolution of some

kind. I think think it will be satisfying for people and I think

there are one or two surprises along the way between now and then,

but it will leave itself open. Because there is a season two?

return, yes. Are you in season two? I can't tell

you that. Is Claire Dane ins season two?

She is very attractive as well, isn't she?

Danesy. Yes, she is.

Are you going to tweet her for a date? The balls on you you, I love

it.. Were you drunk when you sent that tweet? I thought Cheryl Cole

has just tweeted me. Back in Homeland land a lot of the series

is for an tack tor, those -- actor, those long torturous scenes. It

must be hard to come home and have a beer and watch Wheel Of Fortune?

I find it hard reving myself up again to go back to work. I slip

out of it too quickly and then I have to get myself up early and

really focus on getting back, engaged like hanging up side down

cell in a cell in Iraq. How long does that take? It is not

safe, that's why they call it torture? You always end up doing it

for longer than you are supposed to. I swam in a lake in Band of

Brothers and they smothered me in goose fat. They said you have to

swim for two minutes and you are out of it for 20, but you are in it

for 20 and out of it for two as they are going, "Can you swim swim

around it one more time, please?" That always happens in these jobs.

We have a clip from next Sunday's episode and it is where we start to

see more of your character's dark It will get you out of the house

more. Are you hungry? I'm starving. GUN SHOTS

Brody. Brody. What's going on? Is everybody all right? I killed the

deer. Give me the gun, Brody. Back off.

Go back inside, Chris. Everything is going to be fine.

Come on Chris, let's go inside. Everything will be OK.

Tell everybody to go home. Just go, please.

Do what she says. Make sure Chris stays inside, I don't want him

coming back out here. What do you think I'm going to do?

I don't think you're going to do anything.

I'm going to get a shovel and clean up this beast before the flies get

to it. APPLAUSE

That clip probably made you you hungry!

LAUGHTER Barbecue. It was wonderful food on

the series. It was a series, that? Yes. It is a series.

It is much better than the movie. LAUGHTER

TV is producing all this amazing stuff. Wonderful.

Thank you. It means a lot to me coming from you.

Doesn't President Obama... It turns out that it is his favourite show.

LAUGHTER I'm sorry, I'm sorry, President

Obama does like the show? He does like the show. The big news, you

ain't give a toss, but he has invited me to the White House for

dinner. Wow.

That's amazing. Congratulations. He just, he loves this show so much.

I'm going with Helen to the White House for dinner next Wednesday.

Wonderful. I'm going to fly to Washington and have dinner and fly

back. Do you know anything about the

dinner is it Michelle making omelettes, what is happening?

just the Obamas, the Lewiss and the Camerons in the kitchen. There will

be a thousand of his closest friends, but I don't care, I'm

going. How does that invitation happen?

just came through the door. Post? President Obama and Michelle invite

you to dinner. Here is our address. In a big white

house! Please park around the back! I I find that wonderful, but Mr

Obama is a great president and he is right to invite William.

LAUGHTER Go with it! Yes.

No because you mix - you mix - I am just just leaving it.

APPLAUSE Have you met Obama?

Have you met the current Pope? The Pope. Not that current, the one

before. Old Pope? Yes.

You were fans -- you have fans everywhere.

Have you enjoyed Gerard orally? LAUGHTER

Sorry. Now I'm told my final guest has arrived. This man has played

characters ranging from a spartan warrior to an alcoholic cop in The

Wire and now he is giving his new super villain. Please welcome

Dominic West, everyone. APPLAUSE

There we go. There you go. LAUGHTER

It is like Loose Men! Are you exhausted? You have been

filming all day? I am not exhausted from the filming, I'm shaken up

from the Europeany here. We got -- journey here. We were going along,

we got stuck in traffic at Angel and I said, "Shall I get out and

get the Tube?". That sounds good? I'm exhausted from the journey.

Now Dominic, you clearly know Damien, because you went to school

together? We went to two schools. I went to drama school and secondary

school. I have been following him all my life.

Hang on, you were at Eton together. Yes.

I have got a picture of you after drama school. You look like Il Divo.

Damien, you look like the man most likely to succeed. You Dominic, not

a hope. Whatever happened to him? He is working in a shop now. He is

never going to make it! Before you came on, we were talking about fans

like you know, President Obama likes the Homeland, but you like to

interact with your fans online? yes, I said that, didn't I? Yes.

Yes. I did once. Yes. No, I was asked in an interview, "Do you

Google yourself?" I was at a loss. I said "of course, I Google

myself." When you have got a loss of things to do and she said, "What

do you mean?" I said you occasionally get on a forum and you

read things about yourself that you disagree and you think I'm going to

put this right. You may think I'm talentless, but I'm not fat!

LAUGHTER Do you ever get sucked in on

Twitter? You do. You can't help it though. It is anything and you are

doing something and you think you are doing an amazing job job X

factor and you will wet hundreds of tweets saying it is amaze amazing

and one that says no., "One says, "I hate Essex. I hate you that live

in it. I hope you die.". It didn't stick with it.

LAUGHTER It is like water off a duck's back!

I did find his house! LAUGHTER

No, you just retweet it. You can retweet it so your fans see.

In the forums do people believe it was you? No, I didn't get into it,

but people just thought I was some - well, they probably did think it

was me and they probably thought thought oh how sad, we will leave

him alone. I kept getting in trouble with

studios or TV networks saying, "Stop releasing the premiere dates

of our shows or the first transmission date because we want

it to be a big press release." I said, "I don't have a Twitter

account. It is not me." There is no control over the domain or the name

so anyone can be you. You can get it it verified.

I don't think you can anymore. Why? I don't know.

LAUGHTER I am going to ask this question, I

may regret it. Gerard, do you tweet?

LAUGHTER We're

We're OK.

We're OK. No,

No, I

No, I don't,

No, I don't, no.

No, I don't, no. I don't understand the things of tweet and even the TV

thing. LAUGHTER

No. No. Now, we are going to talk about

your new movie John Carter, they have been trying to make it since

193 srks I believe -- 1931, I believe. I suppose. Well, it is 100

years old, the book. A big sci-fi epic and it is out tonne and you

play John Carter's arch nemesis? Yes. Sab Than. You look marvellous.

It is a fantastic big science fiction and it is based on the man

who gave us Tarzan. He was the first guy to write science fiction

and they have been trying to make it ever since and lots of science

fiction films like Star Wars through from it and there is like

in John Carter there is characters called, well I am a Jed Ac. Listen,

we have got a clip. This is you on Bassoom, meeting the Helium

Princess. Here is a clip. She does not trust me. Why Why

should she? There has never been trust. I offer you the small, but

sin veer token of my goodwill. -- sincere token of my goodwill. My

You hold the power, princess. The power of life over me and overall

here. With our two cities united, anything is possible. All you have

And it is a great romp and some of the creatures are There is William

going around with four pairs of hands. It is weird.

Is that William Defoe? Samantha is his daughter. I wondered who she

was. It is great. It is great fun. Now,

Olly, you are going to be singing for us tonight.

Yes. It is Oh My Goodness is the third

single off the album. The single is out on 1st April. Are you still

single? I am still 100% single. I love that, "100% single.". I am

100%, yes. One of the reasons you live at home

with your mum? Possibly. Ah... is not ah, that's just lame. He is

a millionaire. I have just bought a place. I have just bought a place.

In Braintree? It is in Essex near Chelmsford. It is ten minutes from

home so I can still get me washing and me ironing.

You heard you say in an interview that you don't sleep with stunning

women. You turn down stunning women? Of course, yes.

Why is that? I think... LAUGHTER

I am glad. I wanted to bring this up in front of other men. I just

wanted to see if it was just me. Explain why you don't? Before I got

famous, no good looking girls would come near me anyway. And now what

happened, you are famous? So you get loads of gorgeous girls come up

to you, which is incredible and they only want one thing which is

to sell a stoory. -- story.

I say let them. But I am not that kind of guy.

You are an idiot. APPLAUSE

Maybe I am. Men, do you agree, Dane yen? I am -

- Damien? Very noble. Gerard, you like...

LAUGHTER Yeah, you, you, I read somewhere

that you particularly like women who enjoy food, who enjoy food and

wine? No, no, I love women, but I don't know if they love me. I love

to have conversation and to make and to touch sometimes.

Yes. APPLAUSE

That's the difference between England and France do you think?

LAUGHTER A bit of a grope.

I am sure you agree with Olly because it sounds like you are the

lady in your relationship, it sounds like? In... I wouldn't stand

for that Dom! I read about your wedding... Oh yes.

I was, I was like Bridezilla. My wife wanted to get married in a

pub. I said I don't want to get married in a pub, I have been

dreaming about this all my life. We did the whole church thing and I

was in the band and I stood up and made a speech. It was the Dominic

West show. It was everything I wanted to do, I just got it off my

chest. She was a reluctant, but supportive spectator really!

LAUGHTER Your special day!

LAUGHTER Well Olly, I hope you have you have

learnt something this evening? have learned that I must sleep with

lots of gorgeous girls. You don't have to sleep with them,

just talk about food and and grope them.

A bit of shellfish. I can do that. Thanks Gerard.

If you would like to go and get ready to sing. There he goes. Still

to come, this week's stories in the red chair. But first first singing

his single Oh My Goodness, it is # Oh my goodness, I can't hide it

# You just smiled when you walked by me

# Oh my goodness # Warning signs that no one showed

# Lost control, but please don't hold me back

# Gonna go for it # I hope your ready for it

# Oh, oh # Cos I don't know if I can

# Stop now, if I can't stop now, I'm going

# To fast, heart first my head just can't

# Slow me down # I don't care

# You don't break my fall # You got me dreaming of a life

that anybody else would die for # I'm rolling down hill, no breaks

# I can't go back now, its too late # Oh

# It is too late to look away and feel what I feel for you

# Look away and see what I see in # I'm gonna go for it

# I hope you are ready cos I don't know

# I don't know if I can stop now # If I could stop now

# I'm going to fast, heart first my head just can't slow me down

# And I don't care # If you don't break my fall

# You got me dreaming of a life that anybody else would die for

# Oh baby, anybody else would die # Oh yeah, yeah

# At first sight I believed in first sight

# No second thoughts in my mind just felt right

# Oh my goodness # Because I don't know if I can

stop now # I'm going to fast, heart first

# My head just can't slow me down, down, down

# And I don't care if you don't break my fall

# You got me dreaming of a life # And I don't care if you don't

break my fall # You got me dreaming of a life

that anybody else would die for # You've got me dreaming of a life

that anybody else would die for # That anybody else would die for

# You've got me dreaming of a life CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Beautiful. Olly Murs, everybody.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Fantastic, sir. It was really good.

Thank you very much. APPLAUSE

I like the kick. Very good. Sit down. Thanks, guys.

Lovely. Lovely. We're nearly done. But time for a story or two in the

red chair. Who is up first? LAUGHTER

Bonjour. What's your name? Bonnie. How funny. Bonjour, Bonnie.

Where do you live, Bonnie? London, but I'm from Australia.

OK, she could be a secret agent! LAUGHTER

She may have been turned, we're not sure. What do you do in London?

work for a hirn's charityment -- children's charity.

OK, we'll say no more before the fund-raising is ruined. Off you go.

I want to tell you about a time when one of my friends decided to

simulate and it went wrong, we were sitting in the living room and she

was moving this ice lolly in and out of her mouth and saliva and

when the ice lolly was in her mouth, her lips froze to the base of the

ice lolly. That can happen. To a friend, yes.

It was. And so at first she thought it was funny, but then she realised

her lips were well and truly frozen and this look of panic came over

her her eyes. We have all seen that look.

Her eyes were watering... LAUGHTER

Her eyes are watering, you said? Her eyes are watering...

LAUGHTER She had this thing in her mouth...

Yeah. I dragged her to the kitchen and I

shoved her head under the running tap and she thought I was trying to

drown her and I was forcing her head under and eventually her lips

melted away interest this thing -- from this thing and that was it

really. Right. Well durnings everybody. --