Episode 5 The Graham Norton Show

That's it, give my lamp a good rub. Go on, yes!. Oh. I am the genie of

the lamp. It's Robin Williams everyone.

I am the genie. I am in character. I can grant you one wish. I wish to

have Robin Williams on my show. That's impossible, he is a big

Hollywood superstoor. Are there any other wishes? I would like to be

young and beautiful. OK, I'll get Robin Williams! Let's start the

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Welcome to the show.

What a happy show we have tonight. You are in for a treat. He is here,

comic superstar Robin Williams is on the show.

Ab Fab star star Jennifer Saunders is on the show.

Lord of the Hobbits, Elijah Wood is on the show.

And we've got music and chat with the brilliant JLS!

APPLAUSE All right, yes. Delighted to

welcome Robin Williams back to the show. Oscar winner, and a thousand

voices and star as almost as many films. One of the biggest films was

Mrs Doubtfire. I love watching things where a man pretends to be a

woman. Tootsie, Hairspray, I'm A Celebrity!

Also delight today welcome elidge gentleman - Elijah Wood back to the

show. Best known for Lord of the Rings, he was part of a big Hobbit

family, Frodo, Bilbo and of course APPLAUSE

Straight out of middle earth! Eli gentleman starring with Robin

in Happy Feet 2 and in Happy Feet, Mumbles causes horror when he

starts dancing. I am sure that reminds me of someone.

Oh, yes! The big news is that Russell Grant

is out. To be fair, I guessed that a few

weeks ago. On Saturday he was fired from a cannon. Look at him! About

to go where he's never been before! Let's get the guests on. Later on

we will have JLS. First, it's my favourite Hobbit,

Elijah Wood. APPLAUSE

She's the Ab Fab star, it's And the Aladdin genie be who is a

genius, Robin Williams. That's a happy sofa. Do you not

have wine? I want wine. Didn't someone ask you would you like a

drink on set. Thomas! Sauvignon. Thomas!

I'm getting wine. I will get wine for you, madam. You are very good

at French. I was there for my honeymoon. Honeymoon, ladies and

gentlemen! Anne Frank suite at the hotel, up three flights of stairs.

Better than a Notre Dame honeymoon suite. So great to be there.

you pestered by paparazzi. They are French, it is like animal

photography, they go "Kiss her ". "Now lift up her skirt, be a man ".

Even the children are smoking! It's so sweet. I am told your wine order

is ready. Thomas! There's the wine. Take this away,

give it to some starving person. am really happy now. You should be

so happy and giddy, because Ab Fab is back. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Three episodes, two at Christmas and one for the Olympics.

Marvellous. Right now I need to check, you had a fall. I had my

head glued back together. Was it that bad? Yes. It is a bit

embarrassing. I have this dog, and I took it out, I had had a few

glasses. And I took the dog out for a walk late at night and up and

down the street and I I lent against a railings and it turned

out to be a gate and it it went straight down. I was just in my

flip-flops and a white dress, it was summer, I felt myself falling

and thought this is going to be bad. Even the dog is like oh no. Did the

dog care? No, the dog was waiting on the end of a long lead. I had to

do a backwards somersault. I came out and I thought, this is bad ". I

got back up the steps and I thought I have got to make my way home and

there were boys coming down the street and they must have seen this

mad person in white disappear and come back up with blood covering

the whole of the front of my dress. They said "Are you all right?" I

said I am absolutely fine. I walked back down the street with the dog.

You got back together with all the Ab Fab ladies. Eli gentleman, you

have had a similar thing, you slipped back into your hairy feet.

Yes. You must have thought we are never going back? Yes, it was eight

years ago we finished the last film, so, that was it, in my opinion, at

the time there was no more to do with Frodo and they started the

idea of doing the Hobbit. They came up with this idea they told me

about a year before they finished writing the script. They said it is

a flash forward and includes you would you like to come back. I

thought, what a dream. When you get to New Zealand you must be like a

God. It must be like "He's back "He's come again. When we were

making the films all of us were locals. The community in Wellington

knew what we were doing and knew of us but they treated us like locals,

but after the movies came out, it was a different energy, so now

people recognise us from the films. It's still local going back to

Wellington. Home-made signs, things like that. We have separated you in

a Jennifer sandwich because we thought you might be sick of the

sight of each other. You have been together for sometime now. We have

been doing the voices for Happy Feet. We record together in the

same room. That is really unusual isn't it to all be together?

guess. When I did Aladdin I was alone in the room and the first day,

I said do you mind if I try something and they said fine. 23

hours later, they have 40 different characters. But it was a weird

thing, most of the time you are alone and usually the director is

some place else, New York or Australia, it is like bad phone sex

with NASA. When you are together in the same room it is a blast because

you get to play off each other. did Shrek 2. You didn't get to meet

anybody anybody? Nobody. They wouldn't let you do a voice? No, I

tried a few, but it is similar to what it ends up as. Apparently you

noticed Robin got warm in Australia. Doing a voice, but because you are

working together, I was sweating more than Marlon bran doe after a

mex kal -- Mexican meal. You bounce off each other. There are all these

Latin comics and they are great and you start to build a rhythm.

you nearly pass out? I was kidding, Lovelace is part creature part pimp.

I was doing this (SHOUTING) You would do sufficient, you play and

then George goes "Do it ". You had a heart... I had heart surgery. I

can crap standing up now! Once you have the surgery, you have

to take it slow. I can't eat meat. On the honeymoon, do you have to...

Viagra is not your friend. "Are you coming? No, I'm dying ". You have

to pace yourself. "Are you ready my dear?"

Shall we?, yes, let's go down there. How are we doing?

APPLAUSE Just because, is it true you were

on the same drug, that drug Michael Jackson... The anymore name is milk

of amnesia. He was taking it to sleep, which is like doing

chemotherapy because you are tired of shaving your head. It is like a

drug - I woke up from my heart sudgery, I woke up, where am I,

they said Cleveland, and I said why. It's a devastateingly powerful drug.

It has to be administered in a hospital situation and he was doing

it at all. All new married and I met your daughter before the show.

She is wonderful, Zelda, named after the video game, Zelda.

you can do that. She has a brother Mario! My wife was pregnant with

her and my first knock Zachary was playing a video game and he said

what about this as a name for a child. I thought it was a great

name. She's wonderful. She's grown up with it and done well with it.

Also, this will give you ideas for names to name your children, she's

now doing promotion for the game. She gets paid to be called Zelda.

That's genius! Who knew. Next off Smirnoff!

Who knew at the time. "You know dad one day you will be making money

off this ". You reprised the two roles? Lovelace. Lovelace is a new

sweater now. In Australia after the oil spills and disasters, where

penguins are covered in oil, they use deter detergents to cover wash

them off. There is a Grand Prix of ladies in Australia who nit jumpers

for penguins. -- group of ladies. They wear these sweaters until

their feathers grow back. Are they tank tops? A lovely gay jumper. "I

want something to make my flippers look good ". Is it true you are

supposed to do three? Originally they had plea doing the voice of

the Scottish penguin. But it sounded too much like Mrs Doubtfire

on steroids. Did they make you look after a real penguin? It was the

Today Show. It happens all the time on chat shows when you have animals.

It doesn't bother me. They offer you free dry cleaning and that kind

of thing? They may have had a wet wipe. Sushly I worked with an owe

rang tang on Mork And Mindy. I was walking down the street, holding

its hand and all of a sudden it reached up slowly and undid my fly.

I also met cocoa the gorilla. She was very sweet and she met me and

just because I am so hairy, she signed I would like to take you in

the back room. So I was hit on by a gorilla. That would be a great

story for a bar, "I had a crazy night" really, I slept with a

gorilla. We must have a look at a clip of

I wouldn't want you to get cold feet my darling.

Ramon it's incredible, everybody came. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Jennifer Saunders, we must hail the return of Ab Fab.

It seems churlish to complain before they have come on but why

only three? They didn't want - it wasn't offered a series, it is

because it is the 2 ss anniversary of when it first went out. I said I

wouldn't mind doing a couple for Christmas and they said they want

for the Olympics. Everyone is back? Everyone is still alive. Depressing

first episode! Bit of explaining. Have you gone with the celebrity

cameos again? We haven't got many. We have the regulars, Lulu and Emma

Bunton. But to be honest, if you have three, you have a huge cast to

try and get into all of them. it a lovely thing going back?

really was, I felt that it was the right time to do it. Everyone was

up for it. And everyone seemed the same. It just seemed the same. At

the read-through, you get a lot of clapping open of the spectacles

cases and people bending low to look at the lines. And the click of

bones as you walk along the floor. Did you write all that in? They are

older. Edina is 60 now. I am not saying she is 60, because I refuse

to play her as 60, she was 40, 21 years ago. We know Ab Fab won

BAFTAS and emmiss but you have had lots of other hon oures. We got

made honoury New Yorkers, me and Joanna, it was a ceremony that was

going to be at the Senate in New York and it was Gay Pride week, so

it was the LGBT and all the other letters awards, and thought it was

going to be a good old night, and said to Joanna, when we go to New

York and go to these parties, there are six foot men dressed as us and

we walk in looking like small mice and they never recognise us and

they request "Is Jennifer here ". So I said let's go dressed up. So I

got a white hat and Stars & Stripes round it, great white suit, and I

said to her, do you think I need to make a speech and she said "No, I

don't think so darling, just hello, darlings, that will do ". So we

went dressed up, looking like clowns. To one of the most serious

events I have ever been to! It was deeply... Lots of songs to people

who had died ofates and slow piano playing, and then I said I am going

to kill you, I am going to get up there, I went up and said "Thank

you sweety, darling ". I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I

had a stet son with a Stars & Stripes on it.

But the evening was saved because we went on to a gay club where they

had done a lookalike contest and suddenly I was with my people. I

was happy. Robin you won the Oscar for, that must be a career

highlight, did it change your life? No, for a week it was like,

congratulations, two weeks later, hay Mork. The moment they say your

name when you win, English becomes a second language. I forgot to

thank my mother and she was in the audience. That was rough for the

next few years. "Well, how is the award, you came through here, how

is the award?" You must have had an amazing night

when Lord of the Rings - it has the most Oscar wins of all time. It was

the most ever nominated and won together. But then, I love this,

you didn't go to all the proper parts. Tell us where you went.

one ring, the fans of the Lord of the Rings had their one ring party

celebrating the Oscars and we went to that party. APPLAUSE

I think Pete showed up. Billy Boyd sang Dominic Monaghan sang. We

thought we were going to show up and make an appearance and thank

you everyone for having a great party and it was the best, we just

stayed there all night. We felt like, they were celebrating

this thing with us and so many of the people who were part of making

the films were there at the Oscars like that, it was a big family. We

were celebrating as a family. it the Oscars, Golden Globes, Jack

Nicholson, you were waiting to go on with him. I was waiting to go to

present an award and jack was back there and Dustin Hoffman was back

there and somehow Lord of the Rings came up in conversation and he

stood there and said "You know, that movie, it just had so many

endings, and it just wouldn't end", and he said to me he actually

walked out before the end. He said, "What happened?" I said what do you

mean what happened. Esaid tell me what the end was. I said at the end

the Hobbits are saying goodbye and Frodo gets on the boat. He said "I

didn't even see that, walked out before the end ". He was

complaining there were too many endings in the film. I have to go

outside for a little medication. When I won my award, he won his

third. We were standing back stage and he requests "You know, now I

have one for every decade" I went, "You bastard ". Is Ab Fab movie, is

someone talking to you about that? I did say to someone, it seems to

have ballooned into an idea. I am thinking about it. APPLAUSE

Is We are really thrilled because you brought, if hasn't been seen

anyone where else, this is a clip from the first episode. It is the

Here is an exclusive clip from the You're late! I'm not late. You have

work to do when I am gone, you have to update my website. My website

must be fresh and happening. Ginko, gong All right, more blog, more

flog, I went my favourite twes. Shall I twitter that. Stay here and

don't let my mother in. I'm here already, dear. Howdy, stranger. It

looks as if your shens have exploded. It's a skirt!

June is like the eternal person. She will never change. She seems to

look younger. I think she is looking younger. I mentioned you

are going back to the movies. Was there a part of you that thought

about it. People must have stopped yelling Frodo at you in the street.

No, never stops. He is wearing a ring. It is not a ring of power.

it true, it seems unlikely, that you own a single piece of every bit

of memorabilia that they produced of the Lord of the Rings? Well,

that is half true. I've got a few things from the actual films, I

have the ring, I have a map from Bilbo's study and I went back and

did a final bit and they gave me the book Bilbo writes in. On my

last day in Hobbiton, it was magical. In Hobbiton. It's a set!

It's a real place. No, it's not. Glaim! Don't you screw up his

dreams. His feet are big, too. have built it, we built it for Lord

of the Rings. We took all of the facades away and it's since been a

tourist attraction and now it's been rebuilt with the Hobbit but

with sustainable materials so it will always be there. So from now

on, you will be able to see Hobbiton and visit it. You can't

stay there. Oh. We won't fit in. Where is my bedroom. Here is the

Chacuzzi. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Yes, we are going to Hobbiton for Christmas. I turned 19 when we

first went to Hobbiton. You can say "I had my birthday party in

Hobbiton ". Who knew it was going to take off and become a real real

place. Good luck getting into New Zealand

asshole! It's him, Graham Norton, come on

Graham. He's the Hobbit denier. It is time

to meet our musical act for tonight. They have two Brits, four MOBOs and

five number one singles and selling over two million albums. Please

welcome JLS! It's Marvin, JB, Ortise, and Aston

Merrygold, lives in Hobbiton, discovered in Middle Earth's got

Talent! You are not not singing its current

single. No it is our next single. saw you nipping around. You are on

top of the world. It couldn't have gone better. At what stage did you

leave the ex-factor - X factor. came came second. Did you know at

that point that you were safe? We weren't banging on Simon's door

but we were outside the door, he was in there, and we were like,

hold on, what's going to happen, so it was a gruelling time.

kidnapped Simon Cowell and said we need to get a deal now and he said

no. Did he say no? Yes. What an I had qulot. -- idiot. JLS, there are

lots of promotional opportunities for bands, dolls and T-shirts,

posters. But JLS, very exciteingly, they have their own range of

condoms everybody. Who sells best? He does! Do you

really? Yes, Merrygold sells the best. Could I have is a Merrygold

number four please! Presumably you have these in your bedside lockers,

"Hold on till I get my condoms ". They should start selling

personalised condoms. The big selling point on these ones is

"Smells better ". That's wonderful. How bad were they

before, boys? What is that smell! People now say it smells like a

Merrygold" We will wait no longer, if you want

to go and get ready, boys, the stage awaits.

Now singing their new single, Do # Do you see what I see

# You make it hard for me girl every time we're on the floor

# I want to kiss you cause I Igotta know that tonight is real

# Do You Feel What I Feel? # Do You Feel What I Feel

# Two people falling in love # Now the box is turning on the

lights # Do you see what I see?

# Got my car and it's waiting outside

# You should leave when I leave # Dancing with you is so easy cause

you're beautiful # You make it hard for me girl

every time we're on the floor # I want to kiss you cause I got to

know that tonight is real # Do You Feel What I Feel?

# Do You Feel What I Feel # Two people falling in love

# Could you feel the temperature rising

# Could you feel the drink in your blood

# Let me cast a beat and we'll right it

# Put your hands in the air baby # Put your hands up

# Do you hear us Do You Feel What I Feel

# Put your hands up # Do You Feel What I Feel

# Do you feel what I feel Two people falling in love

# Let's leaflets get in the car # Do you feel what I feel

# Two people falling in love # Do you feel what I feel

# Two people falling in love # Do you feel what I feel

# Do You Feel What I Feel APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

Come and sit down. Very good.

Well done. The hat work was fabulous

It was really good. Then you threw it away. There is so much money now,

they just throw their hats away. I am holding your new album "Jukebox,

which is in record shops now. If you find a record shop, it will be

in there. I remember when you used to buy those. Before we go, let's

have a story in the Red Chair. Who is up first?

Hello. I'm Sharon. That's Sharon. Where are you from? Perth Australia.

Good on you Sharon. Do you live here? I moved to London to work and

meet a husband, whichever comes first. Whichever comes first!

getting desperate. What is your surname at the moment. Box. Box as

in cardboard box. That's awful. remember the box girl. Off you go.

I was in the monkey forest where monkeys roam around wild and you

get a photograph taken with these monkeys. The guy put this monkey on

my lap and it was a big male and the monkey is supposed to sit and

not move while I feed it nuts. This monkey took a liking to me and it

started grabbing my chest and man handling me like a first date. Then

I felt this wetness next to my ear and I knew I wasn't supposed to

move and I turned my head and saw a big red penis in my ear.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING That is the story of the box and

the red penis. You are not finding a husband now!

Technically still a virgin. We knew that was coming. We didn't

know how far it was going to go. One more.

Hello Graham. What is your name? Ron. Where are you from? Vancouver,

Canada. Beautiful city. My wife and I were

living in Cologne and while we were there we had a lot of visitors from

Canada. Our favourite place to take them was the Cologne zoo. The

favourite part of the zoo was the gorilla paddock. One day I had a

few friends at the paddock and there were other people there as

well. The gorillas, two of them, they weren't very exciting, they

weren't being very entertaining... I know how it feels. One was

picking parts of the body and examining the product. I thought

that I could try and entertain these gorillas or get them to do

something so I started doing my gorilla dance and after about 30

seconds the gorilla sitting on the rock stopped picking, stood up,

looked at me and went... You can walk off, well done.

APPLAUSE You can go on to the website to

have a go at the Red Chair. I love that, slow-clabbed by a

monkey. Thank you to JLS, Elijah Wood, Jennifer Saunders, and Mr