Episode 5 The Graham Norton Show


Episode 5

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That's it, give my lamp a good rub. Go on, yes!. Oh. I am the genie of

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the lamp. It's Robin Williams everyone.

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I am the genie. I am in character. I can grant you one wish. I wish to

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have Robin Williams on my show. That's impossible, he is a big

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Hollywood superstoor. Are there any other wishes? I would like to be

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young and beautiful. OK, I'll get Robin Williams! Let's start the

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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING Welcome to the show.

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What a happy show we have tonight. You are in for a treat. He is here,

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comic superstar Robin Williams is on the show.

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Ab Fab star star Jennifer Saunders is on the show.

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Lord of the Hobbits, Elijah Wood is on the show.

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And we've got music and chat with the brilliant JLS!

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APPLAUSE All right, yes. Delighted to

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welcome Robin Williams back to the show. Oscar winner, and a thousand

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voices and star as almost as many films. One of the biggest films was

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Mrs Doubtfire. I love watching things where a man pretends to be a

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woman. Tootsie, Hairspray, I'm A Celebrity!

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Also delight today welcome elidge gentleman - Elijah Wood back to the

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show. Best known for Lord of the Rings, he was part of a big Hobbit

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family, Frodo, Bilbo and of course APPLAUSE

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Straight out of middle earth! Eli gentleman starring with Robin

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in Happy Feet 2 and in Happy Feet, Mumbles causes horror when he

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starts dancing. I am sure that reminds me of someone.

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Oh, yes! The big news is that Russell Grant

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is out. To be fair, I guessed that a few

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weeks ago. On Saturday he was fired from a cannon. Look at him! About

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to go where he's never been before! Let's get the guests on. Later on

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we will have JLS. First, it's my favourite Hobbit,

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Elijah Wood. APPLAUSE

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She's the Ab Fab star, it's And the Aladdin genie be who is a

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genius, Robin Williams. That's a happy sofa. Do you not

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have wine? I want wine. Didn't someone ask you would you like a

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drink on set. Thomas! Sauvignon. Thomas!

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I'm getting wine. I will get wine for you, madam. You are very good

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at French. I was there for my honeymoon. Honeymoon, ladies and

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gentlemen! Anne Frank suite at the hotel, up three flights of stairs.

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Better than a Notre Dame honeymoon suite. So great to be there.

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you pestered by paparazzi. They are French, it is like animal

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photography, they go "Kiss her ". "Now lift up her skirt, be a man ".

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Even the children are smoking! It's so sweet. I am told your wine order

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is ready. Thomas! There's the wine. Take this away,

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give it to some starving person. am really happy now. You should be

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so happy and giddy, because Ab Fab is back. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Three episodes, two at Christmas and one for the Olympics.

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Marvellous. Right now I need to check, you had a fall. I had my

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head glued back together. Was it that bad? Yes. It is a bit

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embarrassing. I have this dog, and I took it out, I had had a few

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glasses. And I took the dog out for a walk late at night and up and

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down the street and I I lent against a railings and it turned

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out to be a gate and it it went straight down. I was just in my

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flip-flops and a white dress, it was summer, I felt myself falling

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and thought this is going to be bad. Even the dog is like oh no. Did the

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dog care? No, the dog was waiting on the end of a long lead. I had to

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do a backwards somersault. I came out and I thought, this is bad ". I

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got back up the steps and I thought I have got to make my way home and

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there were boys coming down the street and they must have seen this

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mad person in white disappear and come back up with blood covering

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the whole of the front of my dress. They said "Are you all right?" I

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said I am absolutely fine. I walked back down the street with the dog.

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You got back together with all the Ab Fab ladies. Eli gentleman, you

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have had a similar thing, you slipped back into your hairy feet.

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Yes. You must have thought we are never going back? Yes, it was eight

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years ago we finished the last film, so, that was it, in my opinion, at

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the time there was no more to do with Frodo and they started the

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idea of doing the Hobbit. They came up with this idea they told me

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about a year before they finished writing the script. They said it is

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a flash forward and includes you would you like to come back. I

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thought, what a dream. When you get to New Zealand you must be like a

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God. It must be like "He's back "He's come again. When we were

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making the films all of us were locals. The community in Wellington

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knew what we were doing and knew of us but they treated us like locals,

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but after the movies came out, it was a different energy, so now

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people recognise us from the films. It's still local going back to

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Wellington. Home-made signs, things like that. We have separated you in

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a Jennifer sandwich because we thought you might be sick of the

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sight of each other. You have been together for sometime now. We have

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been doing the voices for Happy Feet. We record together in the

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same room. That is really unusual isn't it to all be together?

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guess. When I did Aladdin I was alone in the room and the first day,

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I said do you mind if I try something and they said fine. 23

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hours later, they have 40 different characters. But it was a weird

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thing, most of the time you are alone and usually the director is

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some place else, New York or Australia, it is like bad phone sex

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with NASA. When you are together in the same room it is a blast because

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you get to play off each other. did Shrek 2. You didn't get to meet

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anybody anybody? Nobody. They wouldn't let you do a voice? No, I

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tried a few, but it is similar to what it ends up as. Apparently you

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noticed Robin got warm in Australia. Doing a voice, but because you are

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working together, I was sweating more than Marlon bran doe after a

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mex kal -- Mexican meal. You bounce off each other. There are all these

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Latin comics and they are great and you start to build a rhythm.

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you nearly pass out? I was kidding, Lovelace is part creature part pimp.

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I was doing this (SHOUTING) You would do sufficient, you play and

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then George goes "Do it ". You had a heart... I had heart surgery. I

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can crap standing up now! Once you have the surgery, you have

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to take it slow. I can't eat meat. On the honeymoon, do you have to...

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Viagra is not your friend. "Are you coming? No, I'm dying ". You have

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to pace yourself. "Are you ready my dear?"

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Shall we?, yes, let's go down there. How are we doing?

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APPLAUSE Just because, is it true you were

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on the same drug, that drug Michael Jackson... The anymore name is milk

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of amnesia. He was taking it to sleep, which is like doing

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chemotherapy because you are tired of shaving your head. It is like a

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drug - I woke up from my heart sudgery, I woke up, where am I,

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they said Cleveland, and I said why. It's a devastateingly powerful drug.

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It has to be administered in a hospital situation and he was doing

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it at all. All new married and I met your daughter before the show.

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She is wonderful, Zelda, named after the video game, Zelda.

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you can do that. She has a brother Mario! My wife was pregnant with

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her and my first knock Zachary was playing a video game and he said

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what about this as a name for a child. I thought it was a great

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name. She's wonderful. She's grown up with it and done well with it.

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Also, this will give you ideas for names to name your children, she's

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now doing promotion for the game. She gets paid to be called Zelda.

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That's genius! Who knew. Next off Smirnoff!

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Who knew at the time. "You know dad one day you will be making money

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off this ". You reprised the two roles? Lovelace. Lovelace is a new

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sweater now. In Australia after the oil spills and disasters, where

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penguins are covered in oil, they use deter detergents to cover wash

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them off. There is a Grand Prix of ladies in Australia who nit jumpers

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for penguins. -- group of ladies. They wear these sweaters until

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their feathers grow back. Are they tank tops? A lovely gay jumper. "I

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want something to make my flippers look good ". Is it true you are

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supposed to do three? Originally they had plea doing the voice of

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the Scottish penguin. But it sounded too much like Mrs Doubtfire

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on steroids. Did they make you look after a real penguin? It was the

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Today Show. It happens all the time on chat shows when you have animals.

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It doesn't bother me. They offer you free dry cleaning and that kind

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of thing? They may have had a wet wipe. Sushly I worked with an owe

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rang tang on Mork And Mindy. I was walking down the street, holding

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its hand and all of a sudden it reached up slowly and undid my fly.

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I also met cocoa the gorilla. She was very sweet and she met me and

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just because I am so hairy, she signed I would like to take you in

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the back room. So I was hit on by a gorilla. That would be a great

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story for a bar, "I had a crazy night" really, I slept with a

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gorilla. We must have a look at a clip of

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I wouldn't want you to get cold feet my darling.

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Ramon it's incredible, everybody came. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Jennifer Saunders, we must hail the return of Ab Fab.

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It seems churlish to complain before they have come on but why

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only three? They didn't want - it wasn't offered a series, it is

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because it is the 2 ss anniversary of when it first went out. I said I

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wouldn't mind doing a couple for Christmas and they said they want

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for the Olympics. Everyone is back? Everyone is still alive. Depressing

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first episode! Bit of explaining. Have you gone with the celebrity

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cameos again? We haven't got many. We have the regulars, Lulu and Emma

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Bunton. But to be honest, if you have three, you have a huge cast to

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try and get into all of them. it a lovely thing going back?

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really was, I felt that it was the right time to do it. Everyone was

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up for it. And everyone seemed the same. It just seemed the same. At

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the read-through, you get a lot of clapping open of the spectacles

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cases and people bending low to look at the lines. And the click of

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bones as you walk along the floor. Did you write all that in? They are

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older. Edina is 60 now. I am not saying she is 60, because I refuse

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to play her as 60, she was 40, 21 years ago. We know Ab Fab won

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BAFTAS and emmiss but you have had lots of other hon oures. We got

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made honoury New Yorkers, me and Joanna, it was a ceremony that was

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going to be at the Senate in New York and it was Gay Pride week, so

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it was the LGBT and all the other letters awards, and thought it was

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going to be a good old night, and said to Joanna, when we go to New

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York and go to these parties, there are six foot men dressed as us and

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we walk in looking like small mice and they never recognise us and

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they request "Is Jennifer here ". So I said let's go dressed up. So I

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got a white hat and Stars & Stripes round it, great white suit, and I

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said to her, do you think I need to make a speech and she said "No, I

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don't think so darling, just hello, darlings, that will do ". So we

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went dressed up, looking like clowns. To one of the most serious

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events I have ever been to! It was deeply... Lots of songs to people

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who had died ofates and slow piano playing, and then I said I am going

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to kill you, I am going to get up there, I went up and said "Thank

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you sweety, darling ". I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I

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had a stet son with a Stars & Stripes on it.

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But the evening was saved because we went on to a gay club where they

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had done a lookalike contest and suddenly I was with my people. I

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was happy. Robin you won the Oscar for, that must be a career

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highlight, did it change your life? No, for a week it was like,

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congratulations, two weeks later, hay Mork. The moment they say your

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name when you win, English becomes a second language. I forgot to

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thank my mother and she was in the audience. That was rough for the

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next few years. "Well, how is the award, you came through here, how

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is the award?" You must have had an amazing night

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when Lord of the Rings - it has the most Oscar wins of all time. It was

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the most ever nominated and won together. But then, I love this,

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you didn't go to all the proper parts. Tell us where you went.

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one ring, the fans of the Lord of the Rings had their one ring party

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celebrating the Oscars and we went to that party. APPLAUSE

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I think Pete showed up. Billy Boyd sang Dominic Monaghan sang. We

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thought we were going to show up and make an appearance and thank

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you everyone for having a great party and it was the best, we just

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stayed there all night. We felt like, they were celebrating

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this thing with us and so many of the people who were part of making

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the films were there at the Oscars like that, it was a big family. We

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were celebrating as a family. it the Oscars, Golden Globes, Jack

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Nicholson, you were waiting to go on with him. I was waiting to go to

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present an award and jack was back there and Dustin Hoffman was back

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there and somehow Lord of the Rings came up in conversation and he

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stood there and said "You know, that movie, it just had so many

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endings, and it just wouldn't end", and he said to me he actually

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walked out before the end. He said, "What happened?" I said what do you

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mean what happened. Esaid tell me what the end was. I said at the end

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the Hobbits are saying goodbye and Frodo gets on the boat. He said "I

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didn't even see that, walked out before the end ". He was

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complaining there were too many endings in the film. I have to go

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outside for a little medication. When I won my award, he won his

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third. We were standing back stage and he requests "You know, now I

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have one for every decade" I went, "You bastard ". Is Ab Fab movie, is

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someone talking to you about that? I did say to someone, it seems to

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have ballooned into an idea. I am thinking about it. APPLAUSE

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Is We are really thrilled because you brought, if hasn't been seen

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anyone where else, this is a clip from the first episode. It is the

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:26:47.:26:55.

Here is an exclusive clip from the You're late! I'm not late. You have

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work to do when I am gone, you have to update my website. My website

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:27:11.:27:17.

must be fresh and happening. Ginko, gong All right, more blog, more

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flog, I went my favourite twes. Shall I twitter that. Stay here and

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don't let my mother in. I'm here already, dear. Howdy, stranger. It

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looks as if your shens have exploded. It's a skirt!

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June is like the eternal person. She will never change. She seems to

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look younger. I think she is looking younger. I mentioned you

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are going back to the movies. Was there a part of you that thought

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about it. People must have stopped yelling Frodo at you in the street.

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No, never stops. He is wearing a ring. It is not a ring of power.

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it true, it seems unlikely, that you own a single piece of every bit

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of memorabilia that they produced of the Lord of the Rings? Well,

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that is half true. I've got a few things from the actual films, I

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have the ring, I have a map from Bilbo's study and I went back and

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did a final bit and they gave me the book Bilbo writes in. On my

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last day in Hobbiton, it was magical. In Hobbiton. It's a set!

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It's a real place. No, it's not. Glaim! Don't you screw up his

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dreams. His feet are big, too. have built it, we built it for Lord

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of the Rings. We took all of the facades away and it's since been a

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tourist attraction and now it's been rebuilt with the Hobbit but

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with sustainable materials so it will always be there. So from now

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on, you will be able to see Hobbiton and visit it. You can't

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stay there. Oh. We won't fit in. Where is my bedroom. Here is the

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Chacuzzi. APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

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Yes, we are going to Hobbiton for Christmas. I turned 19 when we

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first went to Hobbiton. You can say "I had my birthday party in

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Hobbiton ". Who knew it was going to take off and become a real real

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place. Good luck getting into New Zealand

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asshole! It's him, Graham Norton, come on

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Graham. He's the Hobbit denier. It is time

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to meet our musical act for tonight. They have two Brits, four MOBOs and

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five number one singles and selling over two million albums. Please

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welcome JLS! It's Marvin, JB, Ortise, and Aston

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Merrygold, lives in Hobbiton, discovered in Middle Earth's got

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Talent! You are not not singing its current

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single. No it is our next single. saw you nipping around. You are on

:33:02.:33:07.

top of the world. It couldn't have gone better. At what stage did you

:33:08.:33:14.

leave the ex-factor - X factor. came came second. Did you know at

:33:14.:33:24.
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that point that you were safe? We weren't banging on Simon's door

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but we were outside the door, he was in there, and we were like,

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hold on, what's going to happen, so it was a gruelling time.

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kidnapped Simon Cowell and said we need to get a deal now and he said

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no. Did he say no? Yes. What an I had qulot. -- idiot. JLS, there are

:33:55.:34:02.

lots of promotional opportunities for bands, dolls and T-shirts,

:34:02.:34:10.

posters. But JLS, very exciteingly, they have their own range of

:34:10.:34:18.

condoms everybody. Who sells best? He does! Do you

:34:18.:34:27.

really? Yes, Merrygold sells the best. Could I have is a Merrygold

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number four please! Presumably you have these in your bedside lockers,

:34:35.:34:40.

"Hold on till I get my condoms ". They should start selling

:34:40.:34:48.

personalised condoms. The big selling point on these ones is

:34:49.:34:56.

"Smells better ". That's wonderful. How bad were they

:34:56.:35:06.
:35:06.:35:12.

before, boys? What is that smell! People now say it smells like a

:35:12.:35:19.

Merrygold" We will wait no longer, if you want

:35:19.:35:29.
:35:29.:35:31.

to go and get ready, boys, the stage awaits.

:35:31.:35:41.
:35:41.:35:58.

Now singing their new single, Do # Do you see what I see

:35:58.:36:08.
:36:08.:36:25.

# You make it hard for me girl every time we're on the floor

:36:25.:36:35.
:36:35.:36:35.

# I want to kiss you cause I Igotta know that tonight is real

:36:35.:36:44.

# Do You Feel What I Feel? # Do You Feel What I Feel

:36:44.:36:51.

# Two people falling in love # Now the box is turning on the

:36:51.:36:55.

lights # Do you see what I see?

:36:55.:36:59.

# Got my car and it's waiting outside

:36:59.:37:07.

# You should leave when I leave # Dancing with you is so easy cause

:37:07.:37:12.

you're beautiful # You make it hard for me girl

:37:12.:37:18.

every time we're on the floor # I want to kiss you cause I got to

:37:18.:37:23.

know that tonight is real # Do You Feel What I Feel?

:37:23.:37:33.
:37:33.:37:39.

# Do You Feel What I Feel # Two people falling in love

:37:39.:37:43.

# Could you feel the temperature rising

:37:43.:37:45.

# Could you feel the drink in your blood

:37:45.:37:53.

# Let me cast a beat and we'll right it

:37:53.:37:58.

# Put your hands in the air baby # Put your hands up

:37:58.:38:02.

# Do you hear us Do You Feel What I Feel

:38:02.:38:09.

# Put your hands up # Do You Feel What I Feel

:38:09.:38:19.

# Do you feel what I feel Two people falling in love

:38:19.:38:25.

# Let's leaflets get in the car # Do you feel what I feel

:38:25.:38:31.

# Two people falling in love # Do you feel what I feel

:38:31.:38:40.

# Two people falling in love # Do you feel what I feel

:38:40.:38:50.
:38:50.:38:56.

# Do You Feel What I Feel APPLAUSE AND CHEERING

:38:56.:39:00.

Come and sit down. Very good.

:39:00.:39:10.
:39:10.:39:18.

Well done. The hat work was fabulous

:39:18.:39:26.

It was really good. Then you threw it away. There is so much money now,

:39:26.:39:36.
:39:36.:39:38.

they just throw their hats away. I am holding your new album "Jukebox,

:39:38.:39:42.

which is in record shops now. If you find a record shop, it will be

:39:42.:39:51.

in there. I remember when you used to buy those. Before we go, let's

:39:52.:39:58.

have a story in the Red Chair. Who is up first?

:39:58.:40:08.
:40:08.:40:10.

Hello. I'm Sharon. That's Sharon. Where are you from? Perth Australia.

:40:10.:40:15.

Good on you Sharon. Do you live here? I moved to London to work and

:40:15.:40:25.

meet a husband, whichever comes first. Whichever comes first!

:40:25.:40:32.

getting desperate. What is your surname at the moment. Box. Box as

:40:32.:40:42.
:40:42.:40:46.

in cardboard box. That's awful. remember the box girl. Off you go.

:40:46.:40:51.

I was in the monkey forest where monkeys roam around wild and you

:40:51.:40:57.

get a photograph taken with these monkeys. The guy put this monkey on

:40:57.:41:01.

my lap and it was a big male and the monkey is supposed to sit and

:41:01.:41:07.

not move while I feed it nuts. This monkey took a liking to me and it

:41:07.:41:13.

started grabbing my chest and man handling me like a first date. Then

:41:13.:41:18.

I felt this wetness next to my ear and I knew I wasn't supposed to

:41:18.:41:28.
:41:28.:41:28.

move and I turned my head and saw a big red penis in my ear.

:41:28.:41:35.

APPLAUSE AND CHEERING That is the story of the box and

:41:35.:41:45.
:41:45.:41:48.

the red penis. You are not finding a husband now!

:41:48.:41:54.

Technically still a virgin. We knew that was coming. We didn't

:41:54.:42:00.

know how far it was going to go. One more.

:42:00.:42:08.

Hello Graham. What is your name? Ron. Where are you from? Vancouver,

:42:08.:42:14.

Canada. Beautiful city. My wife and I were

:42:14.:42:18.

living in Cologne and while we were there we had a lot of visitors from

:42:18.:42:24.

Canada. Our favourite place to take them was the Cologne zoo. The

:42:24.:42:29.

favourite part of the zoo was the gorilla paddock. One day I had a

:42:30.:42:33.

few friends at the paddock and there were other people there as

:42:33.:42:41.

well. The gorillas, two of them, they weren't very exciting, they

:42:41.:42:47.

weren't being very entertaining... I know how it feels. One was

:42:47.:42:51.

picking parts of the body and examining the product. I thought

:42:51.:42:57.

that I could try and entertain these gorillas or get them to do

:42:57.:43:02.

something so I started doing my gorilla dance and after about 30

:43:02.:43:07.

seconds the gorilla sitting on the rock stopped picking, stood up,

:43:07.:43:17.
:43:17.:43:18.

looked at me and went... You can walk off, well done.

:43:18.:43:26.

APPLAUSE You can go on to the website to

:43:26.:43:36.

have a go at the Red Chair. I love that, slow-clabbed by a

:43:36.:43:43.

monkey. Thank you to JLS, Elijah Wood, Jennifer Saunders, and Mr

:43:43.:43:51.

Joining Graham on his sofa are Oscar-winning comedy icon Robin Williams and Lord of the Rings star Elijah Wood, both starring in Happy Feet 2; comedienne and writer Jennifer Saunders, introducing the new episodes of her hit sitcom Absolutely Fabulous; and music from JLS, performing their single Do You Feel What I Feel.


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