Graham Norton chats to Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, comedian Jimmy Carr, and Coldplay, who perform their single Paradise.
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, everybody. Good evening and
welcome. Oh, we've go the a great show for you tonight. Smouldering
Spanish star, Antonio Banderas is here. South American sex pot, Salma
Hayek is on the show. Yeah. Top comic Jimmy Carr is here. And,
we'll be having music and chat from the fabulous Coldplay. I tell you.
There's a line-up. There's a line- up. Very excited about Antonio
Banderas. What a range of parts he has played over the years. From
Zorro, to Puss In Boots. So varied. Can we see who Puss in Boots is
fighting there? Yes, Antonio Banderas is in the new Puss In
Boots film with Salma who plays Kitty Softpaws. Actually, there is
a lovely romantic moment at the end of the film where the two of them
finally get together. CATS MEOW Is it still doggy style? Is it? Salma
was also the creator of the brilliant Ugly Betty. A silly
concept. Could anyone with daft glasses and big teeth really make
it in the world of fashion? Yes, they could. One of my favourite
films of Salma's is From Dusk Till Dawn where she played a sexy
vampire stripper. Mind you, if you think that is revealing, ladies and
gentlemen, I have a picture of Salma where you can clearly see her
"lady beard". Do you want to see it? YES! Let's get our guests on.
We will have muse fribg Coldplay later on. First, it's Jimmy Carr.
Hello, sir. You're very well. It's Salma Hayek. Thank you so much for
doing this. Jimmy Carr, Salma Hayek. It is, Antonio Banderas. He is the
coolest cat in town. There he is, Puss in Boots. Sit yourself down.
You have come from the Puss In Boots premier. That is right.
you very much. You were here, I know. I've come from a corridor
outside. It was so glamorous. were going to invite you, but the
theatre was so small. You've changed. This sounds like a stupid
question, did anyone bring a cat? Yes. There were three cats. They
kept them in a cage. That's terrible. Was thrpbt a special
screening for cats? There was a special screening for cats in LA. I
had to sit down with 24 trained cats. I thought it was going to be
crazy. I was the one who actually failed. He they did a lot of takes
because of me, not the cats. looks like you are wearing a really
weird after shave. An odd spray. I'm wearing tuna by John West.
Salma, after all these premiers you can say the title of the movie?
Didn't have you problems with the title? I did. What did you
originally call it? I shouldn't say things like that on telly.
Definitely say it. It's called Puss In Boots you called it? Pussy, ss.
Pussy Boots. That sounds like a uef nisism for a condom. You're fired.
Listen I loved Pussy Boots. She has Softpaws. Let's move on from this
subject. Don't go there. I have another idea, let's never move on
from this. Let's make the whole thing about this. No. You're called
soft... Softpaws. Which I did say once, Kitty Softporn. It was
difficult at the beginning. Now I'm used to the word. Kitty Softpaws,
Kitty Softpaws, we are being careful. Talk us through, who is
Kitty Softpaws she is knew to us, we don't know her? She's great.
She's a street cat. She's saucy and cheeky like they would say here in
London, right, cheeky? I would definitely say cheeky, why not?
Sure. She's very smart and free spirited and independent and
kourraig raigious she is a fantastic thief. What I love about
her, we are used to princesses who never have a job. They are
unemployed. Always waiting for the guy to come and rescue them. Like
The Only Way Is Essex. Essentially. Yes. This is my kitty. She doesn't
need anybody to rescue her, as a matter-of-fact, sometimes, like in
real-life, I have to go and rescue him. Yes. I would say, yes. I mean
- You were going to say some funny pussy word now. No, I wasn't.
Awesome. We have to hire him for the laughter. I have a weird laugh.
Most people laugh on the ha-ha. They laugh out. It sounds like a
goose fighting a seal. You swallow your own laughter. Spit it out,
boy! Oh! I like the rough stuff. Let it go. I will give you a moment
to recover. Thanks, Graham. We will watch a clip of Kitty and Puss in
action. You're twisted lies. I Oh, oh... Look what I've found.
Someone forgot his money. Oh, you are dangerous. Weapons of mass
destruction Humpty Dumpty says you like danger. Just think of all the
trouble we can get into. The two of us together. We can steal a lot of
golden eggs. Umm? So adorable. It is a funny movie.
It's in cinema's tonight. Yes. have always been a sex symbol now
you are a sex symbol who is a -- Cat who is a sex symbol? Yeah. When
I got to America I didn't speak the language when I was 31 years old.
They call me because of the use of my voice. It's the most successful
character I have done in my life. It's weird. A paradox in my life.
People come up to you and say, "do the voice?"? They do a lot. Can you
do the voice. I am doing the voice. That's Puss in Boots. Fear me, if
you dare. Wasn't the original character didn't have to be a
swashbuckleer, was he made a swashbuckleer because of Zorro?
They took reference from stuff I had done before, definitely. They
build those characters around you. When I got to the Shrek series I
thought he was going to be a recurring character. I didn't think
he would be that back. They determined the personality of the
character. We decided to put a voice on a very little character
that actually goes against that body. It doesn't match him. There
is the creation of comedy. What is really funny is they keep them cats.
They humanise them to a degree. The chasing the thing. They become cats
in the movie. They can be as humanised as they want, eventually
they do cat things. There is dodgy licking you will be pleased to know.
In Zorro, you know, lots of people do sword fights it's choreographed?
A lot of people do sword fights. You trained with the Spanish
Olympic team? I did for four months. Come on. It's true. Why did you do
that? She is doing that the whole day in interviews. He is so good at
everything. Mummy and daddy are fighting, I don't like it. Oh, my
God! Show them. Who am I going to sword fight against. I thought you
would make it do things. Let me see that. I haven't trained with an
Olympic team. You wouldn't kill anybody like this. Teach me a move
that would impress people. There are, I think, seven positions.
You put your leg here like this and hang like this. I'm doing exactly
what you are doing. Don't laugh at me. Comfortable and relax. This is
the first position. Hang on. Wouldn't it be awful if I killed
Antonio Banderas. You get a guest on and you kill one. First position.
That's first. That is not that bad. First and second. Third and fourth.
Fifth. I've cut my own leg, I will ignore that. Sixth. A fancy one in
case someone attacks you in the back like this. You are so good.
thought so. Now, try that. You can try this. Fancy. That is good. Keep
it there. What did I tell you. He's a showoff. And then you go...
You could have been a professional soccer player? I could have. I
broke my left foot when I was 16 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah....
Weren't you good enough to be an Olympic gymnast? That's true.
couple of things, right here. Could you have been a professional
football player. I don't know if you have been to a pub England in
there is one man in every pub who had trials for sp Spurs. You could
have been an Olympic gymnast, more information than you want. I had a
thing about gymnasts much I always fantasized about having sex with a
gymnast, because they do amazing dismounts. I just imagine... That
is funny. I imagine after sex you would be by the side of the bed
like that. You bend your legs even a little bit I could make you do it
Very excited, because you were Zorro again recently, for security
reasons. This is very cool. You had a benefit in your own house.
have a then a -- benefit for the campaign of Barack Obama. We
received the President of the United States in my home. It makes
me laugh because it is something you don't do every day. Yes, we all
had codenames. Up for security? South who gave you the code names?
Secret services. Thank you were? It must have been amazing, you have
the President in your house. It is only 20 years ago, 19 years ago,
that you did not speak English, you were unknown in America. It is a
fabulous... When you first went to America, you didn't speak the
language? Nothing at all. How good looking does a man have to be to
get cast in a film and the director says language is not a problem!
doesn't matter how good looking you 5th you had to meet with producers.
I met somebody there who was just taking coffee to the agents. He
said, you want a representative in America? I said, yeah, sure. I went
to do an Italian movie. When I came back, he said, you have to go to
London, I have a meeting with an American director. I said, I don't
speak English. He said, just go there and pretend you speak English.
So just go there and do something. I came to London, I met with this
guy, in a very fancy restaurant. He started speaking with me and I
didn't understand one word. I was saying, yes. And yes. Eventually,
something more complicated, like, of course. At the end of the
conversation, I learned a line that was the key to my career. I said, I
can do that. And he actually believed it. That is why we are
talking now. But it is like a fairy-tale. I
can't imagine going to Spain now, I don't speak any Spanish, and saying,
I will become a film star, I will be fine. Do I get a boat docks in
texting in my tongue so that I have a list? -- injection in my tongue.
If you wrote your story in a film, people would not believe it.
spoke English when you came to America? I spoke shopping English!
Small, medium! Was there a thing when you got a review of Desperado,
and you got a -- you thought it was a bad review. They said, bombshell.
And I thought they said that I bombed. You do these movies and
then afterwards, you have to do the press. Not speaking very good
English... That was mad, I made the huge mistakes. Was there a
journalist who asked to your favourite American food? Yes, and I
said, Francis Ford Coppola. He does make a pasta sauce. What did the
journalist do? He just laughed his but off. His what? What did you
say? Don't! There seems to be a lot of sexual tension, I think you need
to get each other out of your systems! You are just projecting!
Do you are right, I really like him. By know that. -- I know that. You
broke 1 million hearts when you said I'd do. Fine, it is totally
fine. You are the only one in the house he doesn't speak French?
speak very bad French. Isn't that your own fault? You had the
opportunity? I did. My parents sent me to learn French when I was
really young. It sounded like a good idea but when I got to Paris
and they told me I had to have eight hours straight private
lessons in French, at 16 or 17... What a terrible opportunity.
Imagine, for the summer. I am sorry, when you are 17, you don't want to
be stuck in a room with a teacher. I lied, I told my parents that my
teacher died. That's why I don't trust you. A dangerous woman.
regret it, I wish I hadn't killed that teacher! Your husband and
daughter, do they plot against you? I understand it now. Those days are
gone, Baby! You should have pretended that you still didn't
understand it. I did, for a while. Did you find out good did? Oh, yeah,
it was good to be a spy. I don't mean to ruin the chemistry, but
Jimmy has a girlfriend. Yeah, I'm lucky. In it your tour next year,
you are already booking that. this one has finished. I notice you
are doing fewer updates. It is likely to do with having a bit more
time at home. I was always so much. Getting into that argument with my
girlfriends saying, you treat this house like you are a hotel -- like
a hotel. When I travel, I get love sick. Well, they call it chlamydia.
We have been together 10 years, we have a great relationship. We
occasionally get into regular arguments that couples get into. It
is the same situation. We went to a party only a week ago. A great
party, really fun. 2:30am, I am driving home, I haven't had
anything to drink. She has had quite a lot to drink in terms of
units to a colt, but she is not drunk. And I know that, because she
told me 400 times. -- units of alcohol. She is talking a lot, I am
listening a little, my back. In my defence, she was telling me about
the evening in real time, and I had A mutual friend of ours said
something that she did not like. She said, that girl said my dress
was short. And I agreed, I said yeah, it is short. She goes from 0
to 100 as an angry in two minutes. She goes... You taking her side? Go
back to the party, pick up and drive her home, and I'll just walk
I'm on my fat little legs that can't even where a short skirt. The
-- walk home. In 30 seconds she is opening the car door. I had to stop
the car. As soon as I stop the car, she is out. Teetering up the road
on heels, no coat, no keys, no money, no phones, no idea where she
is going. I had to do the dutiful boy friend thing of driving along
at 4 mph. Get back in the car, it is my fault. It is not my fault, I
have done nothing! Get back in the car, I will buy you chips. I got
arrested for trying to pick up a That's my story and I'm sticking to
it. Salma Hayek, you were very well known in your home country of
Mexico. What would your character, Teresa? -- what was your character.
That is a big decision, to leave. If you are an actor and you get a
job, that is already very good. To go looking for another job seems...
Ambitious. Yeah, but I didn't want to do the Spanish show for the rest
of my life. At that time, there was no film industry in Mexico. If you
don't want to do theatre or that show, you have no choice but to be
miserable, or take a chance. must have been biddable, a nice
kind of poetic justice, to get to America and sell ugly Betty to
America -- it must have been beautiful. The IU behind that?
are you behind that? Yeah, that's me. When I became -- when I came, I
did not come with a story nominated for an Oscar. I said, can I get an
agent? They would kick me out of -- kick me out of the office! I
should have just said, yes, yes. I maybe I would have got an something.
You should have just said, I can do that. I can do that! It is not
working, Jimmy. I can't imagine you were ever, in any way, ugly. But I
know that you did have some insecurities about your physical
appearance when you were younger. Are we talking about my breasts?
Yes, we are. Finally! At half! were a -- back off! You were
insecure when you were young? I was the youngest in my class and
all the girls started getting them, and I wasn't getting anything, and
I was really scared. What did you do? We went on a road trip with my
parents, we went to this church that had a saint that was supposed
to be doing a lot of miracles. I was getting teased a lot. When we
went back to the car, I said, I have forgotten something. I went
back to the judge, put my hands in the holy water, and went, please,
4th the weird thing about that, Because you played a cad... I did.
What? -- you played a cat. In the movie, Kitty Softpaws? A happy
chance, we found this little club. Have you seen this clip of the oh
my God cat? It is very cute. Here he is. He starts to get a bit
If we watch it again, you can tell them something shocking, and it
works. You know the actress Salma Hayek, she is on my show. She is.
She used to have a really flat chest, she did. But then she prayed
to God and now she has a really big Jimmy Carr, you are touring next
year. Restore is finished? Yes, last Sunday. -- this tour is
finished. The DVD is out. Is it in the small cupboard behind me?
imagine it is. Is this it? Yeah, the colours... I thought it was
going to look punk rock. It is maybe a little bit pink. It is
quite pink. Is it in shops now? It is. Just in time for Christmas.
guess! That is lovely, what a great idea! We were talking about
difficulties with English when they got to America. In this tour, you
do a masterclass in accents. I was trying to get better. I have been a
stand-up comedian for 10 years and I was trying to get better at it. I
have gone away and discover the secrets of a good regional accent,
you need a key phrase to get you started. Once you get that in your
head, you can get started. I can do once from around Britain. It will
be useful if you start playing British people, Meryl Streep gets
them all now. You could be in desperate Scouse wives. If you want
to talk like someone from Liverpool, you say this phrase, chicken and a
can of Coke. You have got to try it. I want some chicken and a can of
Coke. That is very good! I want some chicken and a can of Coke!
works! You sounded like you were trying to be a ventriloquist. Once
you say it, you can say something authentically Scouse. I am going on
the rob, I have got to get a prosy, it is my granny's birthday. She is
Obviously, I'm not knocking Liverpool. I love Liverpool.
Liverpool is the only town in Great Britain where JD Sport has an
evening department. Rollercoaster, pooper Scooper. If you want to do
the Georgy accent. IN GEORDIE ACCENT" ROLLERCOASTER,
POOPERSCOOPER do it. Rollercoaster. Pooper scooper. Um pa lum per.
Love it. Obviously, we are very excited about the music tonight.
Before we hear them play, let's meet the lead singer of the global
chart-topping Coldplay, it's Chris Martin.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sit down, sir. That was funny that.
Thank you very much. I was watching. It's clever that. Different ones
around the country. I can do Welsh. That is the other one. The confused
Welsh. "who's coat is that jacket, who's shoes are those trainers?".
We had a guy on tour who said that for real. He said, "who's Coke is
that Pepsi?". Congratulations to you. My real name isn't that
interesting. It's not like Antonio Banderas or Jimmy Carr. The great
thing is it's been a huge success. Yeah. Every band dreams of being
successful. Once you got success there is all that terrible pressure
of, now we have to stay successful. You dream of having a girlfriend
then you dream of being successful. Both have come true. Those are the
two dreams. How much pressure do you feel before a new album?
stone. If it's more than a movie hopefully you have another one in
the pipeline. This is... This is the end. This is three years.
Not three years long. No. That is value! You know shall I was
thinking about names and stuff. I knew you would ask me about what it
means. Banderas means "flags". His name ising are Tony Flags. Which
isn't so glamorous. Don't they put that in your trailer sometimes.
it in my trailer. When I go to Italy I will say that is my name at
the hotel. Don't say that to them! I'm leaving tonight. It's fine.
Codename Zorro, checked in under Tony Flag, you will find him. On
this album you have a duet Rihanna. Yes. Very exciting? It is.
people speak to me or Chris calling Rihanna? I went to visit her and
sat down with a piano and her sitting where you are, looking very
similar. I can imagine. She looked rough. I said, "I have this song" I
was English about it. It took 20 minutes to ask the question. I just
played and she was "OK" for $2 million she said, "I'll do it".
We've never done a duet before, it was a risk. It doesn't sound that
bad. Fur looking for collaborators Salma there loves singing. No.
are karaoke queen. You love it? He does everything well. Do you do
the Mexican dancing? Do you know the amazing dancing. You are a
natural. The amazing dancing is not Mexican. I'm sorry I messed up.
Again who does flamenco. I can do salsa pretty good. SPEAKS IN
SPANISH What are we going to, do put subtitles on it. Come on, make
an effort. I dance in a strange hopping, it's not technically
dancing. Like some kind of a fit. People come and see it in concert.
You are, we heard you in Evita. have a character. If you work with
him it would be a dramatic scene. Just stop it... I did it on
Broadway, I did it on movies or did it as a professional singer or
anything like thasm I don't don't want to be... He's on a tour next
year, go with him. Tony Flag and his Band. The Tony Flags Quartet.
You have something in common. In Salma's house everyone speaks
French. In your house you are the one who doesn't speak Spanish?
is true. Have you tried to learn Spanish? Yes. No luck. Everyone
else speaks Spanish in the house and they just let you... They just
let me watch Neighbours. They do. It's wonderful. I grew up speaking
English and Davon. Which is from Devon. Farm language much I can't
speak anything international. us the farm language. That bales a
bit wrong. I know what that means. Listen, I know you are going to
play for us. You are heading off to a gig. A concert. What will you
perform for us? A song called Paradise. Ush rushing off so I will
say good night to you now. Thank CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Still to come this week's stories in the famous Red Chair, first,
singing Paradise it is Coldplay. # Oh-oh-oh
# When she was just a girl, she expected the world
# But it flew away from her reach # She ran away in her sleep
# Dreamed of para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise
# Every time she closed her eyes # Whooooo...
# When she was just a girl # She expected the world
# But it flew away from her reach # The bullets catch in her teeth
# Life goes on, it gets so heavy # The wheel breaks the butterfly
# Every tear a waterfall # In the night a stormy night
she'll close her eyes # In the night the stormy night
away she'd flies # And dream of para-para-paradise
# Para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise oh-oh-oh
# She'd dream of para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise
# Lalalala # So lying underneath those stormy
skies # She'd say, oh-oh-oh
# I know the sun must set to rise # This could be para-para-paradise
# Para-para-paradise # Oh-oh-oh
# This could be para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise
# Oh-oh-oh saig -- oh-oh-oh # Whoooo
# This could be para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise
# Oh-oh-oh # Whoooo
# Whoooo... # Thank you.
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Coldplay everybody. Fantastic. OK.
Before we go tonight let's have a story or two in the Red Chair. Who
is up first? Hello, sir. Hi. What is your name? Gary. Where are you
from? Newcastle and living in Essex. I liked Jimmy's impressions before,
very good. Essex, are you mugging me off, you slag? What do you do?
nurse. We weren't expecting that, were we? Whatever profession I
thought you were going to say that was not top of my list. People say
male nurse. It's not pronounced male nurse. What do you mean?
actually pronounced kpwtion "male nurse ". What is your story. I got
locked out of my car in Newcastle. I was trying to get into the car. I
was trying all sorts of equipment. This guy came past, older guy shall
he stopped us and said said, "do you want help to tkpwhet your car?"
I said "great" he picked a brick up off the floor and put it through
the window of the car. I thanked him. Anyway he then said, "would
you like to get a new window I work in the scrapyard down the road" I
gave him �20. He gave me a recipe, "Mr Smith I took �20 off you I will
be back with a window whenever". That was seven years ago. Ahh!
began well and he tailed off. the most gullible man who has ever
lived? I like the window bit. didn't understand the rest.
weren't missing.... He should have had said "rollercoaster". One more.
Hi, Jimmy, do you remember me? Hello, how are you. Where did I
meet snu At High Wycombe we were a double act. Hello. Is this your
story? It's piss poor so far. What do you do? I'm a student. What do
you study? Religion. Again, not an answer I was expecting. That is why
her boobies grew. Leave me alone. Delight us with your tale. Prince
Philip came to my school. I was sat in the front row. I thought "I'll
touch him when he comes past". He walked past me I put my hand out he
stamp on me, he was like "move". I didn't get to touch him really.
that the end of that story? Yes. I quite enjoyed that story. Do you
remember her now? When she flipped back and her legs... I recognised
her. I have met her, yeah. If you would like to join us on the the --
show and have a go in the Red Chair contact us on this guest. Thank you
to all my guests tonight, Coldplay, Jimmy Carr, Salma Hayek and Antonio
Banderas. Join ne me next week with X Factor's Rebecca Ferguson,
Joining Graham on his sofa are Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, currently starring in Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots; comedian Jimmy Carr; and Coldplay, who perform their single Paradise.