Episode 7 The Graham Norton Show


Episode 7

Graham Norton chats to Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, comedian Jimmy Carr, and Coldplay, who perform their single Paradise.


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Transcript


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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Hello, everybody. Good evening and

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welcome. Oh, we've go the a great show for you tonight. Smouldering

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Spanish star, Antonio Banderas is here. South American sex pot, Salma

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Hayek is on the show. Yeah. Top comic Jimmy Carr is here. And,

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we'll be having music and chat from the fabulous Coldplay. I tell you.

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There's a line-up. There's a line- up. Very excited about Antonio

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Banderas. What a range of parts he has played over the years. From

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Zorro, to Puss In Boots. So varied. Can we see who Puss in Boots is

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fighting there? Yes, Antonio Banderas is in the new Puss In

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Boots film with Salma who plays Kitty Softpaws. Actually, there is

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a lovely romantic moment at the end of the film where the two of them

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finally get together. CATS MEOW Is it still doggy style? Is it? Salma

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was also the creator of the brilliant Ugly Betty. A silly

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concept. Could anyone with daft glasses and big teeth really make

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it in the world of fashion? Yes, they could. One of my favourite

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films of Salma's is From Dusk Till Dawn where she played a sexy

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vampire stripper. Mind you, if you think that is revealing, ladies and

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gentlemen, I have a picture of Salma where you can clearly see her

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"lady beard". Do you want to see it? YES! Let's get our guests on.

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We will have muse fribg Coldplay later on. First, it's Jimmy Carr.

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Hello, sir. You're very well. It's Salma Hayek. Thank you so much for

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doing this. Jimmy Carr, Salma Hayek. It is, Antonio Banderas. He is the

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coolest cat in town. There he is, Puss in Boots. Sit yourself down.

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You have come from the Puss In Boots premier. That is right.

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you very much. You were here, I know. I've come from a corridor

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outside. It was so glamorous. were going to invite you, but the

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theatre was so small. You've changed. This sounds like a stupid

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question, did anyone bring a cat? Yes. There were three cats. They

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kept them in a cage. That's terrible. Was thrpbt a special

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screening for cats? There was a special screening for cats in LA. I

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had to sit down with 24 trained cats. I thought it was going to be

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crazy. I was the one who actually failed. He they did a lot of takes

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because of me, not the cats. looks like you are wearing a really

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weird after shave. An odd spray. I'm wearing tuna by John West.

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Salma, after all these premiers you can say the title of the movie?

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Didn't have you problems with the title? I did. What did you

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originally call it? I shouldn't say things like that on telly.

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Definitely say it. It's called Puss In Boots you called it? Pussy, ss.

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Pussy Boots. That sounds like a uef nisism for a condom. You're fired.

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Listen I loved Pussy Boots. She has Softpaws. Let's move on from this

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subject. Don't go there. I have another idea, let's never move on

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from this. Let's make the whole thing about this. No. You're called

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soft... Softpaws. Which I did say once, Kitty Softporn. It was

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difficult at the beginning. Now I'm used to the word. Kitty Softpaws,

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Kitty Softpaws, we are being careful. Talk us through, who is

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Kitty Softpaws she is knew to us, we don't know her? She's great.

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She's a street cat. She's saucy and cheeky like they would say here in

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London, right, cheeky? I would definitely say cheeky, why not?

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Sure. She's very smart and free spirited and independent and

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kourraig raigious she is a fantastic thief. What I love about

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her, we are used to princesses who never have a job. They are

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unemployed. Always waiting for the guy to come and rescue them. Like

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The Only Way Is Essex. Essentially. Yes. This is my kitty. She doesn't

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need anybody to rescue her, as a matter-of-fact, sometimes, like in

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real-life, I have to go and rescue him. Yes. I would say, yes. I mean

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- You were going to say some funny pussy word now. No, I wasn't.

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Awesome. We have to hire him for the laughter. I have a weird laugh.

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Most people laugh on the ha-ha. They laugh out. It sounds like a

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goose fighting a seal. You swallow your own laughter. Spit it out,

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boy! Oh! I like the rough stuff. Let it go. I will give you a moment

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to recover. Thanks, Graham. We will watch a clip of Kitty and Puss in

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action. You're twisted lies. I Oh, oh... Look what I've found.

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Someone forgot his money. Oh, you are dangerous. Weapons of mass

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destruction Humpty Dumpty says you like danger. Just think of all the

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trouble we can get into. The two of us together. We can steal a lot of

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golden eggs. Umm? So adorable. It is a funny movie.

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It's in cinema's tonight. Yes. have always been a sex symbol now

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you are a sex symbol who is a -- Cat who is a sex symbol? Yeah. When

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I got to America I didn't speak the language when I was 31 years old.

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They call me because of the use of my voice. It's the most successful

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character I have done in my life. It's weird. A paradox in my life.

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People come up to you and say, "do the voice?"? They do a lot. Can you

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do the voice. I am doing the voice. That's Puss in Boots. Fear me, if

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you dare. Wasn't the original character didn't have to be a

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swashbuckleer, was he made a swashbuckleer because of Zorro?

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They took reference from stuff I had done before, definitely. They

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build those characters around you. When I got to the Shrek series I

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thought he was going to be a recurring character. I didn't think

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he would be that back. They determined the personality of the

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character. We decided to put a voice on a very little character

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that actually goes against that body. It doesn't match him. There

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is the creation of comedy. What is really funny is they keep them cats.

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They humanise them to a degree. The chasing the thing. They become cats

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in the movie. They can be as humanised as they want, eventually

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they do cat things. There is dodgy licking you will be pleased to know.

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In Zorro, you know, lots of people do sword fights it's choreographed?

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A lot of people do sword fights. You trained with the Spanish

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Olympic team? I did for four months. Come on. It's true. Why did you do

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that? She is doing that the whole day in interviews. He is so good at

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everything. Mummy and daddy are fighting, I don't like it. Oh, my

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God! Show them. Who am I going to sword fight against. I thought you

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would make it do things. Let me see that. I haven't trained with an

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Olympic team. You wouldn't kill anybody like this. Teach me a move

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that would impress people. There are, I think, seven positions.

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You put your leg here like this and hang like this. I'm doing exactly

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what you are doing. Don't laugh at me. Comfortable and relax. This is

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the first position. Hang on. Wouldn't it be awful if I killed

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Antonio Banderas. You get a guest on and you kill one. First position.

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That's first. That is not that bad. First and second. Third and fourth.

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Fifth. I've cut my own leg, I will ignore that. Sixth. A fancy one in

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case someone attacks you in the back like this. You are so good.

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thought so. Now, try that. You can try this. Fancy. That is good. Keep

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it there. What did I tell you. He's a showoff. And then you go...

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You could have been a professional soccer player? I could have. I

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broke my left foot when I was 16 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah....

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Weren't you good enough to be an Olympic gymnast? That's true.

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couple of things, right here. Could you have been a professional

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football player. I don't know if you have been to a pub England in

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there is one man in every pub who had trials for sp Spurs. You could

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have been an Olympic gymnast, more information than you want. I had a

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thing about gymnasts much I always fantasized about having sex with a

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gymnast, because they do amazing dismounts. I just imagine... That

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is funny. I imagine after sex you would be by the side of the bed

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like that. You bend your legs even a little bit I could make you do it

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Very excited, because you were Zorro again recently, for security

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reasons. This is very cool. You had a benefit in your own house.

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have a then a -- benefit for the campaign of Barack Obama. We

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received the President of the United States in my home. It makes

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me laugh because it is something you don't do every day. Yes, we all

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had codenames. Up for security? South who gave you the code names?

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Secret services. Thank you were? It must have been amazing, you have

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the President in your house. It is only 20 years ago, 19 years ago,

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that you did not speak English, you were unknown in America. It is a

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fabulous... When you first went to America, you didn't speak the

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language? Nothing at all. How good looking does a man have to be to

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get cast in a film and the director says language is not a problem!

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doesn't matter how good looking you 5th you had to meet with producers.

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I met somebody there who was just taking coffee to the agents. He

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said, you want a representative in America? I said, yeah, sure. I went

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to do an Italian movie. When I came back, he said, you have to go to

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London, I have a meeting with an American director. I said, I don't

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speak English. He said, just go there and pretend you speak English.

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So just go there and do something. I came to London, I met with this

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guy, in a very fancy restaurant. He started speaking with me and I

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didn't understand one word. I was saying, yes. And yes. Eventually,

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something more complicated, like, of course. At the end of the

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conversation, I learned a line that was the key to my career. I said, I

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can do that. And he actually believed it. That is why we are

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talking now. But it is like a fairy-tale. I

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can't imagine going to Spain now, I don't speak any Spanish, and saying,

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I will become a film star, I will be fine. Do I get a boat docks in

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texting in my tongue so that I have a list? -- injection in my tongue.

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If you wrote your story in a film, people would not believe it.

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spoke English when you came to America? I spoke shopping English!

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Small, medium! Was there a thing when you got a review of Desperado,

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and you got a -- you thought it was a bad review. They said, bombshell.

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And I thought they said that I bombed. You do these movies and

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then afterwards, you have to do the press. Not speaking very good

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English... That was mad, I made the huge mistakes. Was there a

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journalist who asked to your favourite American food? Yes, and I

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said, Francis Ford Coppola. He does make a pasta sauce. What did the

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journalist do? He just laughed his but off. His what? What did you

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say? Don't! There seems to be a lot of sexual tension, I think you need

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to get each other out of your systems! You are just projecting!

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Do you are right, I really like him. By know that. -- I know that. You

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broke 1 million hearts when you said I'd do. Fine, it is totally

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fine. You are the only one in the house he doesn't speak French?

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speak very bad French. Isn't that your own fault? You had the

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opportunity? I did. My parents sent me to learn French when I was

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really young. It sounded like a good idea but when I got to Paris

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and they told me I had to have eight hours straight private

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lessons in French, at 16 or 17... What a terrible opportunity.

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Imagine, for the summer. I am sorry, when you are 17, you don't want to

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be stuck in a room with a teacher. I lied, I told my parents that my

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teacher died. That's why I don't trust you. A dangerous woman.

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regret it, I wish I hadn't killed that teacher! Your husband and

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daughter, do they plot against you? I understand it now. Those days are

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gone, Baby! You should have pretended that you still didn't

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understand it. I did, for a while. Did you find out good did? Oh, yeah,

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it was good to be a spy. I don't mean to ruin the chemistry, but

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Jimmy has a girlfriend. Yeah, I'm lucky. In it your tour next year,

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you are already booking that. this one has finished. I notice you

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are doing fewer updates. It is likely to do with having a bit more

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time at home. I was always so much. Getting into that argument with my

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girlfriends saying, you treat this house like you are a hotel -- like

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a hotel. When I travel, I get love sick. Well, they call it chlamydia.

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We have been together 10 years, we have a great relationship. We

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occasionally get into regular arguments that couples get into. It

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is the same situation. We went to a party only a week ago. A great

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party, really fun. 2:30am, I am driving home, I haven't had

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anything to drink. She has had quite a lot to drink in terms of

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units to a colt, but she is not drunk. And I know that, because she

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told me 400 times. -- units of alcohol. She is talking a lot, I am

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listening a little, my back. In my defence, she was telling me about

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the evening in real time, and I had A mutual friend of ours said

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something that she did not like. She said, that girl said my dress

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was short. And I agreed, I said yeah, it is short. She goes from 0

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to 100 as an angry in two minutes. She goes... You taking her side? Go

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back to the party, pick up and drive her home, and I'll just walk

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I'm on my fat little legs that can't even where a short skirt. The

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-- walk home. In 30 seconds she is opening the car door. I had to stop

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the car. As soon as I stop the car, she is out. Teetering up the road

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on heels, no coat, no keys, no money, no phones, no idea where she

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is going. I had to do the dutiful boy friend thing of driving along

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at 4 mph. Get back in the car, it is my fault. It is not my fault, I

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have done nothing! Get back in the car, I will buy you chips. I got

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arrested for trying to pick up a That's my story and I'm sticking to

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it. Salma Hayek, you were very well known in your home country of

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Mexico. What would your character, Teresa? -- what was your character.

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That is a big decision, to leave. If you are an actor and you get a

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job, that is already very good. To go looking for another job seems...

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Ambitious. Yeah, but I didn't want to do the Spanish show for the rest

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of my life. At that time, there was no film industry in Mexico. If you

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don't want to do theatre or that show, you have no choice but to be

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miserable, or take a chance. must have been biddable, a nice

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kind of poetic justice, to get to America and sell ugly Betty to

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America -- it must have been beautiful. The IU behind that?

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are you behind that? Yeah, that's me. When I became -- when I came, I

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did not come with a story nominated for an Oscar. I said, can I get an

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agent? They would kick me out of -- kick me out of the office! I

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should have just said, yes, yes. I maybe I would have got an something.

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You should have just said, I can do that. I can do that! It is not

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working, Jimmy. I can't imagine you were ever, in any way, ugly. But I

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know that you did have some insecurities about your physical

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appearance when you were younger. Are we talking about my breasts?

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Yes, we are. Finally! At half! were a -- back off! You were

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insecure when you were young? I was the youngest in my class and

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all the girls started getting them, and I wasn't getting anything, and

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I was really scared. What did you do? We went on a road trip with my

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parents, we went to this church that had a saint that was supposed

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to be doing a lot of miracles. I was getting teased a lot. When we

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went back to the car, I said, I have forgotten something. I went

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back to the judge, put my hands in the holy water, and went, please,

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4th the weird thing about that, Because you played a cad... I did.

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What? -- you played a cat. In the movie, Kitty Softpaws? A happy

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chance, we found this little club. Have you seen this clip of the oh

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my God cat? It is very cute. Here he is. He starts to get a bit

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If we watch it again, you can tell them something shocking, and it

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works. You know the actress Salma Hayek, she is on my show. She is.

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She used to have a really flat chest, she did. But then she prayed

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to God and now she has a really big Jimmy Carr, you are touring next

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year. Restore is finished? Yes, last Sunday. -- this tour is

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finished. The DVD is out. Is it in the small cupboard behind me?

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imagine it is. Is this it? Yeah, the colours... I thought it was

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going to look punk rock. It is maybe a little bit pink. It is

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quite pink. Is it in shops now? It is. Just in time for Christmas.

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guess! That is lovely, what a great idea! We were talking about

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difficulties with English when they got to America. In this tour, you

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do a masterclass in accents. I was trying to get better. I have been a

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stand-up comedian for 10 years and I was trying to get better at it. I

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have gone away and discover the secrets of a good regional accent,

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you need a key phrase to get you started. Once you get that in your

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head, you can get started. I can do once from around Britain. It will

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be useful if you start playing British people, Meryl Streep gets

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them all now. You could be in desperate Scouse wives. If you want

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to talk like someone from Liverpool, you say this phrase, chicken and a

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can of Coke. You have got to try it. I want some chicken and a can of

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Coke. That is very good! I want some chicken and a can of Coke!

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works! You sounded like you were trying to be a ventriloquist. Once

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you say it, you can say something authentically Scouse. I am going on

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the rob, I have got to get a prosy, it is my granny's birthday. She is

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Obviously, I'm not knocking Liverpool. I love Liverpool.

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Liverpool is the only town in Great Britain where JD Sport has an

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evening department. Rollercoaster, pooper Scooper. If you want to do

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the Georgy accent. IN GEORDIE ACCENT" ROLLERCOASTER,

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POOPERSCOOPER do it. Rollercoaster. Pooper scooper. Um pa lum per.

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Love it. Obviously, we are very excited about the music tonight.

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Before we hear them play, let's meet the lead singer of the global

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0:30:070:30:08

chart-topping Coldplay, it's Chris Martin.

0:30:080:30:12

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Sit down, sir. That was funny that.

0:30:120:30:18

Thank you very much. I was watching. It's clever that. Different ones

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around the country. I can do Welsh. That is the other one. The confused

0:30:250:30:30

Welsh. "who's coat is that jacket, who's shoes are those trainers?".

0:30:310:30:40
0:30:410:30:46

We had a guy on tour who said that for real. He said, "who's Coke is

0:30:460:30:56
0:30:560:31:01

that Pepsi?". Congratulations to you. My real name isn't that

0:31:010:31:07

interesting. It's not like Antonio Banderas or Jimmy Carr. The great

0:31:070:31:13

thing is it's been a huge success. Yeah. Every band dreams of being

0:31:130:31:17

successful. Once you got success there is all that terrible pressure

0:31:170:31:21

of, now we have to stay successful. You dream of having a girlfriend

0:31:210:31:29

then you dream of being successful. Both have come true. Those are the

0:31:290:31:35

two dreams. How much pressure do you feel before a new album?

0:31:350:31:40

stone. If it's more than a movie hopefully you have another one in

0:31:400:31:44

the pipeline. This is... This is the end. This is three years.

0:31:440:31:50

Not three years long. No. That is value! You know shall I was

0:31:500:31:55

thinking about names and stuff. I knew you would ask me about what it

0:31:550:32:02

means. Banderas means "flags". His name ising are Tony Flags. Which

0:32:020:32:06

isn't so glamorous. Don't they put that in your trailer sometimes.

0:32:070:32:11

it in my trailer. When I go to Italy I will say that is my name at

0:32:110:32:17

the hotel. Don't say that to them! I'm leaving tonight. It's fine.

0:32:170:32:22

Codename Zorro, checked in under Tony Flag, you will find him. On

0:32:220:32:28

this album you have a duet Rihanna. Yes. Very exciting? It is.

0:32:290:32:36

people speak to me or Chris calling Rihanna? I went to visit her and

0:32:360:32:40

sat down with a piano and her sitting where you are, looking very

0:32:400:32:46

similar. I can imagine. She looked rough. I said, "I have this song" I

0:32:460:32:51

was English about it. It took 20 minutes to ask the question. I just

0:32:510:33:01
0:33:010:33:01

played and she was "OK" for $2 million she said, "I'll do it".

0:33:010:33:05

We've never done a duet before, it was a risk. It doesn't sound that

0:33:050:33:14

bad. Fur looking for collaborators Salma there loves singing. No.

0:33:140:33:22

are karaoke queen. You love it? He does everything well. Do you do

0:33:220:33:27

the Mexican dancing? Do you know the amazing dancing. You are a

0:33:270:33:33

natural. The amazing dancing is not Mexican. I'm sorry I messed up.

0:33:330:33:43

Again who does flamenco. I can do salsa pretty good. SPEAKS IN

0:33:430:33:49

SPANISH What are we going to, do put subtitles on it. Come on, make

0:33:490:33:58

an effort. I dance in a strange hopping, it's not technically

0:33:580:34:04

dancing. Like some kind of a fit. People come and see it in concert.

0:34:040:34:14
0:34:140:34:15

You are, we heard you in Evita. have a character. If you work with

0:34:150:34:21

him it would be a dramatic scene. Just stop it... I did it on

0:34:210:34:25

Broadway, I did it on movies or did it as a professional singer or

0:34:250:34:29

anything like thasm I don't don't want to be... He's on a tour next

0:34:290:34:39
0:34:390:34:40

year, go with him. Tony Flag and his Band. The Tony Flags Quartet.

0:34:400:34:44

You have something in common. In Salma's house everyone speaks

0:34:440:34:49

French. In your house you are the one who doesn't speak Spanish?

0:34:490:34:54

is true. Have you tried to learn Spanish? Yes. No luck. Everyone

0:34:550:34:58

else speaks Spanish in the house and they just let you... They just

0:34:580:35:05

let me watch Neighbours. They do. It's wonderful. I grew up speaking

0:35:050:35:12

English and Davon. Which is from Devon. Farm language much I can't

0:35:120:35:17

speak anything international. us the farm language. That bales a

0:35:170:35:27
0:35:270:35:27

bit wrong. I know what that means. Listen, I know you are going to

0:35:270:35:33

play for us. You are heading off to a gig. A concert. What will you

0:35:330:35:39

perform for us? A song called Paradise. Ush rushing off so I will

0:35:390:35:49
0:35:490:35:51

say good night to you now. Thank CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

0:35:510:35:57

Still to come this week's stories in the famous Red Chair, first,

0:35:570:36:07
0:36:070:36:25

singing Paradise it is Coldplay. # Oh-oh-oh

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0:36:350:36:36

# When she was just a girl, she expected the world

0:36:360:36:42

# But it flew away from her reach # She ran away in her sleep

0:36:420:36:47

# Dreamed of para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise

0:36:470:36:57
0:36:570:37:08

# Every time she closed her eyes # Whooooo...

0:37:080:37:14

# When she was just a girl # She expected the world

0:37:140:37:21

# But it flew away from her reach # The bullets catch in her teeth

0:37:210:37:31

# Life goes on, it gets so heavy # The wheel breaks the butterfly

0:37:310:37:36

# Every tear a waterfall # In the night a stormy night

0:37:370:37:41

she'll close her eyes # In the night the stormy night

0:37:420:37:50

away she'd flies # And dream of para-para-paradise

0:37:500:38:00
0:38:000:38:01

# Para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise oh-oh-oh

0:38:010:38:07

# She'd dream of para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise

0:38:070:38:17
0:38:170:38:40

# Lalalala # So lying underneath those stormy

0:38:400:38:43

skies # She'd say, oh-oh-oh

0:38:430:38:51

# I know the sun must set to rise # This could be para-para-paradise

0:38:510:39:01
0:39:010:39:03

# Para-para-paradise # Oh-oh-oh

0:39:030:39:10

# This could be para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise

0:39:100:39:20
0:39:200:39:29

# Oh-oh-oh saig -- oh-oh-oh # Whoooo

0:39:290:39:36

# This could be para-para-paradise # Para-para-paradise

0:39:360:39:46
0:39:460:39:53

# Oh-oh-oh # Whoooo

0:39:530:39:59

# Whoooo... # Thank you.

0:39:590:40:08

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Coldplay everybody. Fantastic. OK.

0:40:080:40:12

Before we go tonight let's have a story or two in the Red Chair. Who

0:40:120:40:21

is up first? Hello, sir. Hi. What is your name? Gary. Where are you

0:40:210:40:26

from? Newcastle and living in Essex. I liked Jimmy's impressions before,

0:40:260:40:32

very good. Essex, are you mugging me off, you slag? What do you do?

0:40:320:40:38

nurse. We weren't expecting that, were we? Whatever profession I

0:40:380:40:44

thought you were going to say that was not top of my list. People say

0:40:440:40:52

male nurse. It's not pronounced male nurse. What do you mean?

0:40:520:40:57

actually pronounced kpwtion "male nurse ". What is your story. I got

0:40:570:41:01

locked out of my car in Newcastle. I was trying to get into the car. I

0:41:010:41:05

was trying all sorts of equipment. This guy came past, older guy shall

0:41:050:41:10

he stopped us and said said, "do you want help to tkpwhet your car?"

0:41:100:41:15

I said "great" he picked a brick up off the floor and put it through

0:41:150:41:22

the window of the car. I thanked him. Anyway he then said, "would

0:41:220:41:29

you like to get a new window I work in the scrapyard down the road" I

0:41:290:41:39

gave him �20. He gave me a recipe, "Mr Smith I took �20 off you I will

0:41:390:41:49
0:41:490:41:49

be back with a window whenever". That was seven years ago. Ahh!

0:41:490:41:55

began well and he tailed off. the most gullible man who has ever

0:41:550:42:03

lived? I like the window bit. didn't understand the rest.

0:42:030:42:08

weren't missing.... He should have had said "rollercoaster". One more.

0:42:080:42:17

Hi, Jimmy, do you remember me? Hello, how are you. Where did I

0:42:170:42:26

meet snu At High Wycombe we were a double act. Hello. Is this your

0:42:260:42:36
0:42:360:42:36

story? It's piss poor so far. What do you do? I'm a student. What do

0:42:360:42:46
0:42:460:42:47

you study? Religion. Again, not an answer I was expecting. That is why

0:42:470:42:54

her boobies grew. Leave me alone. Delight us with your tale. Prince

0:42:540:42:59

Philip came to my school. I was sat in the front row. I thought "I'll

0:42:590:43:04

touch him when he comes past". He walked past me I put my hand out he

0:43:040:43:09

stamp on me, he was like "move". I didn't get to touch him really.

0:43:090:43:15

that the end of that story? Yes. I quite enjoyed that story. Do you

0:43:150:43:21

remember her now? When she flipped back and her legs... I recognised

0:43:210:43:31
0:43:310:43:32

her. I have met her, yeah. If you would like to join us on the the --

0:43:320:43:37

show and have a go in the Red Chair contact us on this guest. Thank you

0:43:370:43:40

to all my guests tonight, Coldplay, Jimmy Carr, Salma Hayek and Antonio

0:43:400:43:45

Banderas. Join ne me next week with X Factor's Rebecca Ferguson,

0:43:450:43:47

Joining Graham on his sofa are Hollywood stars Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, currently starring in Shrek spin-off Puss in Boots; comedian Jimmy Carr; and Coldplay, who perform their single Paradise.


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