Episode 8 The Graham Norton Show

Hey you! Yes you. Standing next to the woman who now wishes she wasn't

sitting there. Are you tired? Listless? About to host a talk show

with big guests and worried you've got nothing to say? Then why not

try drinking! Yes, drinking. Feel all your old confidence flooding

back. And soon you'll be able to shout Let's start the show!

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Oh! Oh! Hello everybody! Good

evening. Welcome. Hello. Hello.

Welcome all. If you want me Blue Nun, I'm available. Yes, we're

talking adverts because tonight we're joined by the star of

brilliant advertising drama, 'Mad Men'. Don Draper himself, Jon Hamm

is here. Oscar-winning actress and star of new sci-fi blockbuster

'Prometheus', Charlize Theron is on the show. Plus comedian, actor and

the man behind the legendary Alan Partridge, Steve Coogan is here.

And we even have music, from the wonderful Rumer. And, what an

exciting time to be in the country, it's the Jubliee weekend! I can't

think of anyone who won't be waving a Union Jack. I can't! Maybe one

person! We've got two bank holidays. Mind you, if you think that's a

long weekend, try flying back from Azerbaijan with Engelbert

Humperdinck. It's further than you think! There's going to be a huge

Jubilee Concert with JLS playing. It'll be great. I mean, who doesn't

like JLS? The highlight of the weekend is the flotilla on the

Thames. All the Royals have their own unique boats. The Queen...

Charles... And Harry. It's Friday night and already the members of

the Royal Household have been overdoing the celebrations. They

have! It is sleeping, right? It is sleeping? Yes, it's going to be a

weekend of partying. I can't imagine what the Queen's going to

look like after four days' non-stop drinking. Let's get some guests on!

But first, knowing me, Graham Norton, knowing you, Steve Coogan.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE I'm Mad about this man, it is Jon

Hamm! Look here! How are you? Very well.

And the Monster star, it is Charlize Theron! Oh, baby, oh! Oh!

Charlize Theron! Oh, baby, oh! Oh! Sit down.

Before I go on to another thing, I know I will get this wrong a lot,

Charlize THERON? You the first person who has said it perfectly.

Amazing. 15 years and you came along.

By the way, do you know each other outside of being back there or on a

sofa? I know Jon... And I don't know Steve! I know him, I have seen

him on the telly. You know that is not real! I know.

It is the Jubilee weekend, do you have plans? I was invited, I guess

to sit next to the Queen on the boat? No, you are joking! That's

amazing. You are joking? I'm not going to do

it! I don't know her! It's four hours! It's a long thing and what

are we going to talk about. I don't own crowns or tiara s or not.

Are you joking? No, I am completely joking.

He has bin invited on the boat. confused now, have you been invited

on the boat? Did you lie to me as well? It's a

great story. I didn't even know there was going to abboat.

These two are thinking, "How do they get on the boat?" Just another

thing you don't have in common with the Queen! Now, Charlize Theron.

Now we are delighted you are here for all sorts of reasons.

I'm so happy to be here, I'm a huge fan.

Thank you! Such a ham! You did not have to say that! It means that you

are here and Prometheus is finally out! It is in cinemas it is finally

out. This has been so hyped and anticipated.

It is like an elephant pregnancy. People have been waiting and

waiting. I have seen it, I enjoyed it, I feel like I can't say

anything about it. Like there is a sniper there waiting to take you

out. Yeah, like Ridley Scott will come

out from a rope and kill me. When you got the script, did you have to

seen sign a letter in blood? Well, a version of that. They don't like

to have lots of scripts floating around with this, as everybody knew

that he had this in development for like 33 years, yeah... It is like

an elephant's pregnancy! I think they were, "You are so rude." I am

a lady. Keep them together. Stit still! Any way, I was in Malaysia,

it was on monsoon season, on holiday with my family. I get a

text from Ridley Scott you have to read the script in two hours,

others it will implode on you, you have to let me know. There was a

massive storm going on. I could not get a Wi-Fi connection. A little

Malaysian man met me with an umbrella and we hiked up the hill,

I literally sat with my rain coat and my laptop. I only read half a

page. It was Ridley Scott, I should be so greatful.

Ridley Scott has kept the theme of strong women? Yes.

You don't need to know the Alien movies, this is a separate thing?

It originated a long time ago as the idea of wanting to do a prequel.

Then they realised that there was more to explore if you didn't have

to play in that sand box, so they made it a stand-alone film. You

don't have to know anything about Alien. If you do, you will find

little gems here and there. Little Waldos, but really, anything

other than the last eight minutes of the film feels like it is from

that family. Obviously it is you, it is a is

Noomi Rapace and Guy Pearce and Guy Pearce is amazing in it? He is

incredible. He plays Ann droid in Spoiler!

I'm not a spoiler. Here comes Ridley Scott! He's

amazing in it. I get to do fun stuff with him. So that was fun.

We have a clip. This is near the beginning, so it contains no

spoilers. OK.

Doctors, Miss Vickers would like to have a word before the adventure

begins. I think that there may be a little confusion about the

relationship. If you find anything down there, you will not engage to

them, talk to them, you will do nothing but report back to me.

Is there an agenda that you are not telling us about? We have paid a

trillion dollars to find the place. If you found the place, we would be

persuing your agenda, but you didn't. That makes you an employee.

Cheers! APPLAUSE Tust be -- it must be fun to be in,

people are so excited to see it? is nice that people want to see a

movie you are in, it is no pressure. The other thing, we have to

acknowledge, what a beautiful sofa it is tonight! See, if you are a

very handsome man it helps. But we have Jon and Steve.

If people at home are looking at their ugly child asleep, going,

there is hope. Charlize, you blossomed later in life, as a

child? You were not the prettiest of children, is that fair? Are you

talking about the fact I had no teeth until I was three? That will

be the one. I did. I was sick as a baby, I had jaundice and I was

allergic to my mum's breast milk. The sicker I was getting, the more

antibiotics I was getting. It rotted my upper teeth. They had to

cut them out. For some reason the fangs survived it and my bottom

teeth. That is all I had until I was ten years old.

God! I know, you guys, it was so hard! It's a shame you never grew!

You have made up for it! I was always the lanky, skinny, tall girl

with no teeth. I know! Life was really tough.

You have great ones now! I think that school reunions are really

good for you now! How annoying, Jon Hamm, you, here is a picture of you

in high school. This looks like an Abercrombie & Fitch model shot.

Is that your mid-riff? It was the 80s.

It didn't stop there, you did cut it? That was on purpose! That is a

look. I was 17! Cos, no-one could accuse Jon Hamm of being an

overnight seven vaigs, you plugged away for a long time? Yes, I did.

-- sensation. Yes, I did. I landed in LA in 94

rand 95 and proceeded not to work for a solid three years.

I was there at that time! Thank you for taking may jobs. I waited

tables and bar tended and did that whole circuit.

Did you make a deal to yourself about when this was going to go on

for and how long? I did a deal with myself, if I got to 30 without a

break, I would slink back. Even the big break, getting Don

Draper in 'Mad Men', that was not easy? No, I had to audition for it

seven or eight times. They wanted somebody famous. I was

not that so, they had to be convinced. I had to audition and

audition and audition. And did they tell you to your face

that they did not think you were sexy enough? No. I only recently

heard that. Like, how recently? Just now!

you, by the way! No, that was, apparently they told the writer and

the creator that they did not think I was sex any enough... Where they

blind? Well, thank you. I mean, are they still alive and working?

are all gone. That's what I would think! I had them murdered! No...

I'm glad no-one told you, that is an awkward call.

Sure, that would be weird, but it worked out OK.

Mad Men, it is one of those shows, people don't just like it, they

love it. It is Casey. It is a very accurate portrayal of the 1960s,

but the fanss are fanatic about it? Yes, it has all been documented so

there are crazy fans who will say it was not raining on December 14,

1968, this is clearly bull shit. You think maybe you have too much

time on your hands, but it is remarkable. The show has a

phenomenal research department. They do actually get a lot of that

stuff right, down to the weather. We play off a lot of historic

events that happen. And season five, we are in the

fifth season, obviously it has won four Golden Globes Awards, 15Emmys,

but amazing stuff, most tuling of all of how successful Mad Men is,

it has spawned a range of barbis! Is that not weird, Barbie would

make a doll of a man that smokes and drinks and shags around. It

seems off-brand. You don't want to leave that doll

with any other dolls. It will get very inappropriate very quickly.

Raggedy Anne is crying! Sorry, sweetheart, don't call! It comes

with its own leather briefcase and it has a trench coat it is lovely.

Is it for real? That's amazing! is the Barbie fashion model. You

can collect the range. That is incredible.

Are you getting a doll for Prometheus? No, I'm gel kpwrous.

I have your doll from -- No, I'm jealous.

I have your doll from Monster. That did not sell so well.

It is amazing, you think normally you have to anybody a movie like

Prometheus to get an action figure, but not a movie from the 60, -- 60s,

about advertising eagents? Alan Partridge did never have a doll?

there were masks, but why would anyone want to wear a mask?

terms of endorsements, as celebrities, you can make money out

of that, but Steve Coogan you walked away from a lot of money?

was offered about... Go on, say it. I was offered �2 million to do an

advert for McDonald's. I wouldn't advertise it as I wouldn't.

I negotiated and pushed the fee up as high as I could to see what they

would pay. I kept saying I want more, I want more. Then they said

they would pay me �2 million. I said "no", but I just wanted to see

how high they would go. Now, that round of applause there

is the only thanks you will get for walking away from �2 million.

The thing is about year later when I had not been doing that much work.

I thought, "Is hit, I should have done that." Now, advertising it is

regulated now. About the time of Mad men it was a

different world and it was a little less politically correct. So these

are genuine articles of adds that were around. Here is one: Don't

worry, darling, you didn't burn the beer. Like she is pleased she

married an alcoholic. Like, who does the shopping? Back

then it was the wife who went to the store to buy the stuff. To

advertise this they use this... You mean a woman can open it?! All by

herself! Oh, I'm going to buy that. This product thinks I'm an idiot.

And it's ketchup. It is not a safe. It is not just the sentiment,

sometimes the phrasing of the slogans would not work nowadays:

Blow in her face and she'll follow you anywhere! As true today as it

ever was. This is my favourite, though. This

is for, I don't know why it would be this, but it is an early morning

laxative. The add says: 6.00Am, you are feeling punk. 58am, you are

full of spunk! What a busy two hours they were! Well done, all the

adds! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Going back to Don Draper, I am

jealous of the way they drinks all day during work.

That is not a character choice, that is just how he works.

And talking about drinking, Jon Hamm you are drinking again in your

new movie Friends With Kids. Which I have seen and enjoyed so much.

Thank you. Written and dread by Jennifer

Westfeldt. Lovely and talented. Hey, that is us.

We've been together 14 and some odd years.

Give that a round of applause! Can I just say, I caught a woman's face

in the audience going... Oh! I swear, I did. People applauding and

she was going... (mouths expletives ), "I washed, what was the point

"?" Stupid long-term partner! washed, that is great! It is

Britain, we have standards. Thank you for washing.

Now, it is you and jen ter and the rest of the cast is a -- it is you

and Jennifer and the rest of the cast is like a mini Bridesmaids

reunion? Well, the movie was shot before the Bridesmaid film came out.

So we had O' Dowd, he is talented and he was available. So we got him

it was a good thing too as Bridesmaids came out as this

international phenomena, we would not have been able to afford

anybody had we shot it after that. So it was lucky for us.

Again, you are, what I liked about the movie is that the characters

are not straightforward, but your character is one of the less

sympathetic characters? A darker soul. He is not the happiest guy.

What the film does is examine how relationships between couples shift

once children enter the picture. Jen and I don't have kids, but we

know a lot of people that do and watched how their relationship

shifted a little bit. Sometimes it is for the better, sometimes for

the worst. For my character it is a little bit for the worst. He

doesn't hand it will very well. Well, it opens on Friday, 29th of

June. Here is a clip. At my dad's funeral... Hey! Hey!

my God. How are you going? Welcome back.

Good to have you you back. We ran into a couple of friends

from work. In the bathroom.

Who? Dave and Barbara. Can you believe this, $100 a plate

and they are bringing in toddlers. Are they allowed here. We are here

to live the dream, leave the kiddis at home. We're pregnant.

You are friends with kids, have they seen the film? They have.

Do they agree with it? Well, Adam Scott who plays the lead read the

script and came to Jen and said is this about him and his wife.

We were like, no, not at all, but yes, it is certainly not about

anybody, nor is it, it is just more of an observation. That is the

beginning of the film. We set the scene with the fancy Manhattan

couples whose lives are about to change.

Charlize, you have become a mum, recently. You have your son,

Jackson? Yes. Two months ago? A councille of

months ago. You have been busy, promoting Snow

White and this, how are you coping? You just do. I have wanted this for

so long. So, you know, I want to keep him humble, so he is like a

new-born. I am having the private jets, it is not the norm, but I

have time with him. He was really good until we had to take the first

commercial flight and he freaked out. Who are these people?! Where

is my own plane! Are you finding, obviously there is a lot of

interest in you and your son, are you finding that the paparazzi have

stepped it up a gear in terms of following you? Yes, it is an

uncomfortable subject for me. I have never been comfortable with it.

Now more than ever I really realise that I had it so good when it was

just me. When you are responsible for this little, you know, it was

really hard the first time we, I didn't release photos or anything,

so I knew when we went to the airport that would be the first

time. He did this little thing where he grabbed my shirt. It is

hard. It is really hard. Every part of your body just wants to cover

that child and protect him. Yes. But, you know, I wish it was

different. I feel like you can shoot me up and down and get my fat

angles and my double chins, I'm free game, but it is hard when

children are involved. The press behaviour is very much in

the news at the moment, we have the Leveson Inquiry, Steve, you were at

the Leveson Inquiry. One of my funniest gigs.

Are you surprised at how the story has grown and grown? It is funny,

when I took legal action against News Corp about two, three years

ago, it was a lonely place to be. There was not all of this commotion

and in term of the public attitudes, it was like a few whingeing

celebrities, but it grew and grew. I found out that saw Glenn

Mulcaire's notebook and the pass words to my phone account, which,

I'm slightly embarrassed to say was Ferrari. Was Ferrari! Now it is

Ford Mondeo! It was not the place to be.

But in those days I was advised against it, don't do that, don't

make enemies of News Corp that they can stitch you up, but they had

already done so, so I did not have skeletons left in my closet. It had

been said. As I said to Paul at the Daily Mirror, he could have the

hard drive off my computer, there is really nothing else there. It

was just regular porn! And the connection to Fox has it made

impact in the States? Are people talking about it, or is it just a

British thing? There is definitely awareness.

It has happened in the States, it has to.

Whenever there is a leaked photo of somebody... That is fine. I'm all

for that! The thing is they are not leaked, they are stolen. Well...

Well... You sent those to me in total... You never replied back!

You never replied back. Did I look fat? Not a good angle? You will

never get an answer to that question, ever.

Watching it now, do you think it will change? Do you think it will

ever happen again? I think that something will change. There have

been previous enquiries into the press standards, they have said

that they will behave themselves, but this is crunchtime, really.

There will be some sort of regulation. I think that Leveson is

doing a brilliant job. I think he is aware that there is what they

call the "chill" effect, so the press are behaving themselves,

being very well behaved in the hope that people will say that they are

not really that bad. Of course, when the inquiry goes away and then

they can get back up to their old tricks, but I think it will be

different this time. I think that there will be a sea change.

I think what Steve is saying is that now would be an optimum time

to do real crazy things in London and they will not report anything.

Me and Jon are going to a strip club after this. What, I'm not

invited. You are performing! I think have I

�20. We have to talk about Alan

Partridge. He is back. The book, Alan Partridge, we have to talk

about it, now it is out in paperwork back.

Thanks for that plug, it was seamless.

I am holding a book, it was no accident. Look what I am reading,

oh, my God, you are here. I have been careful with the spine! Did

you have to read loads of the celebrity autobiographys to get the

tone. The tone is very good. They asked me to do my own. I

didn't want to do that, I would have to drop so many people in it.

So I thought I would not do that, it is too embarrassing as well. I

thought I would do an Alan one it is all made up, so it does not

matter, but the weird thing, is it in WH Smith as the factual section,

the non- fiction section. It is all made up! But that is the confusion

with Alan Partridge. People do think of Alan Partridge as being a

real person? Some come up to me and say, "Here, Alan, can I have your

autograph?" Then I say it is Steve and they say, "Yeah, all right,

Alan." You are back on screen? doing a TV series for Sky Atlantic.

It is Alan broadcasting with not Radio Norwich, but North Norfolk

Digital. It was a whole series of those. A couple of specials. One of

those is Alan going around Norfolk and Norwich explaining his

background, where he is from and visiting.

Is this welcome to the Places of my Life? Yes. The other one is a

pseudo art book programme called Open Books, which Alan is

interviewing in a worthy, considered pretentious tone about

his book. It doesn't sound funny, but it really is funny! We have a

clip of Welcome to the Places of My Life. Here is a clip.

What I am walking in the countryside I normally like to use

a stick, but rather than buy one of those aluminium ones made in China

by kids, I have bought a British one, made in Britain by trees it

simple, just find somewhere like this, snap away the excess branches,

very simple and that one is a bit too big. I would look like Moses, I

don't want that, so leave it on the side and basically just jump

against it like that. Fine! I'm fine! Now I have a stick.

Still a little too long. Put it there again. One more time... Argh!

Too short! There! You can give that one to a child, just throw it away.

This one, absolutely, absolutely perfect.

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Beautifully done! Right, it is

music time now. This is one of the greatest singers around at the

moment. I've been playing this song a lot on Radio 2. Performing her

single 'PF Sloan', it is the wonderful Rumer!

# No, no, no # Don't sing this song

# It belongs to PF Sloan # I have been seeking PF Sloan

# But no-one knows where he has gone

# No-one never heard the song that boy sent whingeing

# Now you might sigh and you might moon

# And sweat about the skin and bone # But you just smile and read the

rolling stone while he continued singing

# No, no, no, no # Don't sing this song

# No, don't sing this song # No, no, no, no

# Don't sing this song # It belongs to PF Sloan

# From now on # Listen he's come and bound to

stay # He's taken all my sins away

# I heard it on the news today # And it set my ears to ringing

# Can't you hear the people singing # No, no, no no, no, no

# Don't sing this song # No, don't sing this song

# No, no, no, no, no, in no, no # It belongs to PF Sloan

# From now on # Last time I saw PF Sloan

# He was summer bit and winter blown

# And he turned that corner all alone and he was singing

# Listen to him singing # No, no, no, no, no, no, no

# Don't sing that song # No, don't sing this song

# No, no, no, no, no, no, no # Don't sing this song

# It belongs to PF Sloan # Oh, from now on

# No, no, no, no, no, no, no # No, don't sing this song

# No, no, no, no, no, no, no # No, don't sing this song

# It belongs to PF Sloan # Oh, from now on # CHEERING AND

APPLAUSE Beautiful! Rumer, everybody! Come

on over, you. Oh, you lovely lady. Thank you very much.

Fantastic. Come and sit down, do.

Very good. That single is out now, it is off

the album Boys Don't Cry which is out now. Very good.

Well, Jon, you are not meeting the Queen, don't the end there, Rumer,

she has only gone and sung for President Obama! I did.

That could be Photoshoped, we are not sure, it could just be a

restaurant and it looks like you are singing to President Obama.

Close. I wanted to buy them something like

you do when you go to someone's house, so I thought about candles

and flowers, in the end I went to Marks & Spencer and got them a tin

of biscuits. �6.99 and I took the sticker off!

You are crazy. They won't know, it is a handy tin.

Thank you very much for doing that totally live, it was gorgeous.

Loved your voice. We are almost out of time, but before we go, time for

a story in the Red Chair. Who is up first? Hello, I'm Leslie.

This is Leslie, everyone. Where are you fro? Elstree.

Near the film studios? Yeah, not far.

Does your story involve celebrity? No, just me.

What do you do in Elstree? I'm an administrator for a charity.

OK, we will draw a veil. Off you go.

I was at a dinner party with the family, I had been eating olives.

My dad told a joke... Showing off with her olives! It does not

impress us, does it Rumer? �6.99 for biscuits?! Who is up next?

Hello? They love you. What is your name? Jeremy.

What do you do? I'm a student. Of? Acting.

Where are you going? LAMDA... APPLAUSE

LAMDA is very good. I'm in a mood, Steve, I'm in a mood.

I can tell. Let's try one more. This is the one,

the third one is a charm. Hello? What is your name? Louise.

Where are you from? London, Shoreditch.

Very cool. What do you do? I work for a

fashion designer. Off you go.

One time I pretended to be Charlize's sister.

Which Charlize, this one? Yes, sorry, Charlize, not Charlice!

draw the line with the last name! You can screw up my last name all

you want, but, God damn it, not my first! OK, one more. This is it!

This will be the last one. Hello, nice lady.

Hello. What is your name? Jenny.

Where are you from? Dutch/American. Where are you living now? Tufnell

Park. She puts the tough into Tufnell!

Don't mess with me! She is Jenny from the Block.

Off you go. I was working at a or ang ue tang

rescue centre. I love this story -- or anutang. I

was working with the play area. Way was not aware of how it rolled in

the rescue centre. I was observing the little ones playing when I felt

something wet pressing against my palm, the palm of my hand. When I

looked it was one of these ed to ler orangutangs master baiting

himself with my hand. With his tiny little penis!

walk! Tip me! There you go! Well done.

We liked that. Well done everyone. If you'd like

to join us on the show and have a go in the red chair, you can

contact us via our website at this address: Thank you to my guests,